#i miss india and june...my girlies...

[you-are-my-neverland]

[id: a header with a deep blue gray background. in the center, there is a circular photograph of a lighthouse. behind the photo is a monoline sun, eclipsed by the photo. in block text across the center reads ‘the metamorphosis of the lost: an update’ / end id]

it’s been a while since i’ve done one of these, but my writing has been going pretty well these past couple of weeks, so while i prepare other content (re: character intros (!!!). in 2022, i’ve managed to cobble together act iii: relapse, which was written over the course of the spring semester. i also, more recently, started act iv: revolution, and that’s going by nicely, especially as i strive to meet my daily word goals (hello, excel spreadsheet). 

anyways, in honor of having a taglist with more than one person on it, i’ve decided to post a few excerpts, which i haven’t really done for this wip lol. 

all words + the taglist will be under the cut for length purposes.

i. the red saint & her shadow. 

(an interaction between june and india from the beginning of act iii. a/n: this was written at the beginning of the year. writing them currently, i really feel like i’m missing something from their dynamic, so i’ve been rereading this scene a lot lol.)

Belladonna was quiet, her face slightly pinched beneath the domino. 

“If you didn’t have to,” she started. “Then why did you?”

“How could I not?” India said, and it sounded too honest, too vulnerable, even to her own ears, as if it was painfully obvious she was revealing some hidden part of herself to someone else. “Back then, I believed they were helping the city. When I was younger, I used to scoff at the idea of vigilantes and heroes, but after a while, after seeing it firsthand, I did become convinced that I could change things for the better for someone else. It gave me a drive for the first time in my life. Instead of just trying to survive for no particular reason, I could do something about it.”

“Yes, I was young. Fifteen. All the people I know started out younger.” She paused, thinking carefully over how to formulate her next thought. “Someone I knew used to always say that we can’t help what happened to us, or what it turns us into, but we can try and change ourselves once we see our own reflection. We can make things clearer. We can use what we see as flaws to do better. I grew up in the South District. I was an orphan. I learned how to hurt other people to protect myself. I never thought about justice because I never thought it was something I could control.”

Until now. Until then.

India hated to think that Vin had given her anything, but he had. He had given her power for the first time in her life, had allowed her to write her own destiny, decide how she wanted to do things, more so than anyone else had ever before.

It was what had blinded her, in the end. Believing that following someone else’s cause was her own. India had been beholden just as everyone else was; that was why she had been benched. She just hadn’t realized it, how trapped she actually was.

Now she was free. Now no one could tell her what to do. Now India was allowed to decide what was right and wrong and act on it. 

No more changing herself. No more being told to be better, be different, be someone else, someone they thought was more than whatever she was, a South District orphan born and raised on the rocks, unable to outgrow her own edges for fear of how unprotected it would leave her. India might not love her roots, but they were hers, in the end. She had come from this city. She was Kevlan, through and through. 

ii. flame & phantom

(another excerpt from act iii. emrys and mika go patrolling after finding out india is alive as the red saint, but are unable to save a woman’s life. a/n: somehow, a lot of tmotl ended up being emrys’ story, which i can’t say i mind. her pov is a lot of complicated thoughts most of the time.)

She had said she could do this. She had sounded so cool and confident, too. Emrys had been proud of herself, for being able to stand up for what she wanted. The rest of the conversation hadn’t gone as well, but she hadn’t let herself be shut down. Not this time. 

Now, she thought that they probably had a point, about her. Maybe she couldn’t do this.

Maybe she could.

Maybe both thoughts were equally terrible.

“I’m going to find India,” she announced. The flames licked at the edges of the jacket, already crinkling, the outer layer peeling away as the cloth beneath caught more easily, the fire dancing up into the sky with a bright shower of sparks that had her flinching back and shielding her face. The embers fell to the ground around Mika’s feet, burning and burning and then burning out.

Mika didn’t say anything. Emrys glanced at him coolly, and found him looking away from her. Fine by her. She didn’t care if he approved or not; better he didn’t notice she was gone at all, until she could clear more space.

Emrys waited another few seconds just to be sure, ignoring the part of her that whispered that she should check on him, make sure he was okay, but this was Mika. He was never not okay. Nothing fazed him, and no one. 

She sighed, staring down at her own feet, battered and bruised through the white of the ballet flats. There were drops of blood scattered along the seams, which bothered her now that she had noticed; she couldn’t stop focusing on it, the innocuous drops in no pattern except the one she conjured.

Mika still hadn’t said anything. Emrys looked at the embers of the jacket, then turned to scan the skyline, wondering where she could start, the wind whipping through her body and helping to pull her seams apart with vicious, grabby hands.

The abandoned warehouse, she thought. The place where India had died. She should start there, right? If there was going to be anything anywhere, it would be there. Maybe a clue to India’s resurrection, even. 

Emrys started to walk without even really thinking about it, setting forward at a determined pace, quickening as she got further and further away from the fire, and getting colder and colder. Without her jacket, much of the skin of her body was bare to the winds, her tank top protective but not warm. Kevla had vicious winters, so the fall became crueler as the months went by.  

She had turned the corner by the time she heard the footsteps behind her, not clattering or loud, but soft and steady, a quiet, rhythmic thump that belayed Mika grabbing her arm and grinding them both to a halt as he slowed, clothes and hair settling back down on his body as gravity descended.

“Let me go,” she said, white knuckled.

Mika let her go. Emrys turned to move, and he tripped her. It was only years of getting used to falling that had her catching herself with a half-dance of steps, turning so that they were facing one another.

“Enough of this,” Mika said. His eyes were burning. She could hear the quiet sounds of him breathing, harsher than normal.

“No,” she said. “I told you. I’m going to find India.”

“And Crow and X-le told us not to,” Mika said.

Emrys scoffed. “Like you’re the poster child for following orders.”

“Enough,” Mika repeated. “We’re either finishing patrol or going home.”

Another Emrys would have been happy that he used the word home, but this Emrys was feeling vicious and vengeful and torn up inside.

“I don’t want to,” she said spitefully. 

“Flame,” Mika said, the warning clear. 

“You’re my partner, not my boss,” Emrys said scornfully.

“I’m not either of those things,” Mika hissed, stepping closer. “I’m just the person making sure you don’t fuck anything up.”

That hurt. Emrys didn’t flinch, and was absurdly proud of herself for growing thicker skin in the time since a few hours ago. She was getting better and better at it.

“I didn’t ask you to do that!” she burst out. “You’re the one that followed me to begin with. I never asked for your help.”

“But you needed it,” Mika said, and though she couldn’t see his mouth, she could picture the small, cruel tilt of his half smile. She had to narrow her eyes to stop tears from falling, already feeling them well up in her eyes, like she was some weak and pathetic person who couldn’t keep it together.

“I’m going to look for India,” she repeated. “You can go home if you want.”

iii. sunrise after the fall gala

(an interaction between india and june in the aftermath of the fall gala (which takes up the majority of the beginning of act iv) and india’s ill thought out confrontation with the black saint. a/n: more recent writing and a more recent interaction between these two. act iv has been a mess lol.)

The laugh slid off India’s face.

“You can’t create something from nothing,” she said savagely. “I imagine that not even Catrin Flint can save someone who was burned alive.”

“Someone could,” June replied steadily.

“Then maybe it was Kevla herself,” India remarked sarcastically, rising to her feet and gritting her teeth against the spasm her leg sent.

“You’re really not curious?” June asked, also standing. The morning air nipped at her cheeks, the rosy glow of the rising sun starting to cascade over the skyline ahead of them. 

India shrugged carelessly. “It’s not that I’m not,” she said. “It’s just that it doesn’t matter. Or, it didn’t.”

June eyed her, pondering the words. In a way, that was understandable. June herself tried to care as little as possible pertaining to the motive of The Organization or the Benefactor. Motivation didn’t matter in the end. It was the actions that did.

They were both women of action, though they went about it very differently.

“Will I be hearing from you soon?” India asked after a second. 

June looked at her, parsing her thoughts.

India raised an eyebrow. “Last time I checked, we were kind of in on this together, right? This whole revenge scheme, or whatever you want to call it,” she hurriedly corrected after June coolly raised an eyebrow at the words “revenge scheme.”

June considered her. “Yes,” she said after a pause. “We are.”

India smiled. It transformed her face beneath the domino, softening the edges. India, June had found, often bared her teeth, but rarely smiled.

“I’m a comm away,” she said, sounding almost pleasant and energized at the prospect.

“I might take you up on that soon,” June said.

“Not gonna kiss and tell then?” India replied. “Just going to string me along.”

June surprised herself by the sharp half laugh that bubbled out of her.

“You’ve been helpful,” she said instead of replying, doubting that she could match India’s newfound wittiness. She had always had a sense of humor, even as a child. June was used to being the dour, serious one. Now she was the serrated blade, cold as steel and just as harsh. “Thank you.”

India sobered, looking at her as if she was an alien before she managed a stiff and slightly unsure, “You’re welcome.”

“Take care of yourself,” June added. “I don’t want to find you dead in a ditch before you can be useful.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” India replied sarcastically, but they had talked enough times for June to pick up the undercurrent of fondness with which she said it. “Take care, Belladonna.” She gave June a two fingered salute, and June found herself returning her impression of it before she could stop herself.

India smiled, and then she was sauntering off into the darkness, only a slight limp in her step and the helmet tucked under her arm any indication of what had gone down only hours previously.

June smiled privately to herself. India was wearing off on her.

taglist (scream to be added or removed!):  @cannivalisms   @sunshineomeara @thepixiediaries @muddshadow

#wip: tmotl #writing #my writing #writers on tumblr #writeblr #creative writing #writing excerpts #wip: the metamorphosis of the lost #sorry this is so long but i just couldn't cut them #act iv has like nothing i want to share so far i'll literally cry about it sigh #also: mika and emrys have a sibling relationship. before anyone asks #ik how their interactions could be taken out of context like here but they are in no way romantic #just to clear that up #i miss india and june...my girlies... #act iii was kind of good for something i wrote over like five months while studying for exams and starting work lol #and now it's just like ??? #anyways thanks for taking the time to read #it has been way too long since i posted actual excerpts so i am out of practice

[stylinsuns]

Hii!! Your neighbour anon! Are you watching cricket rn? Thank god I’m not a sports girlie used to be but not anymore i don’t think i have enough patience or energy to sit through the whole match only to get disappointed in the end, my sister on the other hand tho doesn’t skip a single match (last time you asked me if i watch ipl so…) still even I can’t resist a match between india and pakistan you know how it is lol. I Love how you yelled at me in rainbow for not liking daal chawal but in my defence i was in hostel when i was in little and that’s where my hate for daal chawal came from cuz they gave us daal TWICE A WEEK!! HOW IS THAT FAIR?!?! And oh i just remembered you had exams too right? How did they go? Surprise, happy or disappointed with the results? And how are you doing in general? I’m sooo sorry i replied soo late was busy celebrating eid and haven’t been on my phone much. ANDD thanks for the rose💕 here have som in return💐💐💐💐

hellooooo omg finally!!! how've you been? it's been a while so happy to see you in my inbox again<3

yes i've been watching cricket but only to catch the score once in a while, not that big a fan of test cricket :/ and india's anyway doing shit lol so no hopes. what do you mean DISAPPOINTED IN THE END?!!?! the match is always fun and thrilling and a riiide all the way through. i've even loved watching my teams lose sometimes because the other team was just so good but i get not everyone would be as interested of course. but good for your sister tho!! did she enjoy watching csk win this time tho because it was quite a celebration here EMOJI also yeah india-pakistan matches are no doubt entertainment, entertainment, entertainment. never a relaxed muscle during those 2½ or so hours. bro we have daal chawal at my house more than twice a week it is complete torture but it is still somehow the first thing i miss when away from home :') so NO. you don't get to complain EMOJI. and oh god disappointed, definitely disappointed with the results i never want to sit for an exam again but also i will have to life is a bitch and it hates me. and please, you never have to be sorry for being late or too late or anything ever. there are no deadlines here. dial in anytime you want <3 even more when it's eid, so glad you took proper time away from everything to celebrate it properly. also where's my eidi EMOTICON

thank you for the flowers<3!!! that reminds me HAPPY PRIDE!!!! here's a lot more rainbows on that note and hope you have a lovely, warm, colourful june ahead

#i was just about to head out for a thing but then i saw this and i HAD to put away everything and sit down to write you back #padosi

[princessland1411]

18 june last

Its my.first day of journaling thats why I am writing again and again. This time I want to share my dream. Maladaptive daydreaming it is called. I am Priya mishra aka princess.I live in an imaginary world where I m a big pop girl bigger than taylor or beyonce. I have more than 100 #1 billboard hot 100 songs and many successful albums and many memorable performances including super bowl halftime, album promotion concert, grammy performance, Olympic opening, fifa opening, ipl closing where i performed fan favorite cruel summer and getaway car and enchanted. Along with it I won pulitzer where I performed my critically acclaimed songs. I have a big brother who is no.1 footballer. I was born in india and then taken to england to grow up. Later I won miss england. But English people refused to accept me as their representative so I went to india and won miss india. Then i participated in miss world as combo from britain and india. I performed my song if I were a boy. The organization was very impressed with me and gave me all the peagent awards like miss universe, miss international, miss supranational. Then i was offered a movie which I refused and the director used his power to defame me. Later his rival director got me in his movie fast and furious. There I met my husband Ishan Shukla. He is very good actor and has won many oscars. He is the most cute and handsome guy on the planet. He is very successful business man too. Then I made 2 british film which were not very big hit. My first big hit was lost in love, I also recored my first album for this film . I have won 4 oscars forr my acting amd 4 for my songs waiting for tonight, my heart will, titanium, all too well. I even made playlist of songs on YouTube and wrote all my films and Ishans films name on my email. His is a egot and I am only short of tony. I got my emmy for our tv show mr and mrs woods, where i won best actress and best song for follow the leader. I am the biggest celebrity and most beautiful. In world and america. Last thing I did was reputation Coachella performance where i performed One song from all my albums. It was very well recieved and later I released reputation album with few new songs.

I spend so much time in this world. Maybe i am transgender straight woman. And its my fantasy taking form of daydreams. I like feminine clothes, act in a feminine way, hate to go shirtless as my parent will say hero and I hate it, I am a girl not hero. I hate being called handsome. And I am very fragile and very timid of every creature. One lizard has entered under my bed and I am very scared sitting in an awkward posture. I dont know if being feminine is bad because i hate if I see a boy acting feminine maybe other people also hate me. Karan used to bully me. he was ugly thin and disgusting.

Lately, I am confused between being gay or girl. I want to be handsome so boys will drool over me. At the same time I want to wear girls clothes and dance and sing girly songs publicly. People stare at me in metro, maybe I am weird and act stupidly. I get down off metro to eat yoghurt as I am very scared of eating it in college. People will make fun of me. I eat it very quickly. Once the metro staff announced to the worker to go to my station and I got really scared. Once more I was going in metro late. It was very crowded. I was staring at a above average boy. When my station came and I yried to get down he pulled me by my bag and said are u in hurry. Iwas so scared. And angry and disappointed. I decided not to look at anyone and look sad. But nobody cares. I thought about it all day and told it to a boy on insta, I met on omegle. I used to share my nudes with him too and he shared his too. Earlier I liked him a bit but seeing his picture disappointed me. I thought I found a real gay friend but it was not worth it. It all ended when I deactivated my insta account, fake one. Later, I reactivated it and texted him rudely🤮 and sexually. I also found so many guys on insta and talked to them as girl to see their nudes and faces. I saw abhinav nude too, he fell in love with divya. But his dick was very dirty and urine stained. But now he has six packs and is sexy. Later he found I was fake. I talked to ishan as priya, he was also falling but I ruined it again. But all this was worthless. He even posted shirtless pics for me. But it wasn't going anywhere. Thank you. I stare at hot boys in metro, this will get me in trouble one day. I think of my life as priya and ishan at night before sleeping after watching tv and imagining myself there. Ishan gets me horny and then I masturbate to sleep. Icant sleep properly after masturbating. I get sad as I have to go to college tomorrow and it sunday today. And my 2nd term is coming and i dont study at all. I should control my masturbation and start study. Bye diary Gopal my college crush don't know what to feel about him. He's not interested in me at all. I masturbated to sachin, sanjeev and prashant and a senior as well, who threatened me during dance auditions. Vaibhav bhar, ritik, pratham, ashish school seniors , somujeet, mradul, and the hottie abhinav pal and manan, ayush sharma and yug school juniors who I have masturbated to. Most disgusting I have done it to harsh mittal, aniket too. In my class so many abhinav, ishan, mohit, two seniors aaksh (gay) and his friend(dont remember him neither know his name), rahuls friend shubham, nitin, karan mittal and sahil bora, rahul luckwal(my first crush), aaryan ved, piyush jha (junior), priyanshnu and friends:vansh , aditya bahman,pratham, one more guy who follwed me on insta, his abs suprised me(priyanshu friend), rahul sood, shivansh rana of insta and shubham thapliyall and thousands of other boys i found through insta. Dani garcia, mike stalkers, mic fitt , matheus song, rafay khan were one of my favorites. Shreyansh too he must have very long dick 😂😂. Ronaldo too. I am having hard time due to part time job too. Navjot senior is not giving me and I have wasted my money on junk food. And some iit guy approached me, i am scared if he may be fraud. Bhaiya shouted at me now and feel like crying. I have successfull career in Bollywood too. I have won national awards but no filmfare. I have been boycotted for being outsider. In real life too, I m being boycotted.

Bye

PS Its siddharth rawat

[chill-that-ur-inmyhead]

Have you ever felt a baby kick? nope

What colour pants/shorts are you wearing? black leggings

When is the last time you did something truly fun, and what was it? recently listened to a vinyl my ex got for me and it just escalated to me listening to all my vinyl’s in my room!

What was the scariest moment of your life?                                                June 2020, I had submitted my dissertation and it meant no more uni now it was real life.... and real life meant a global pandemic - safe to say I had some panicky moments

Have you ever heard of Leonard Cohen? nope

Pancakes or flapjacks? flapjacks

What kind of computer are you on? dell Inspiron 15 3000 laptop (black)

Do you eat Chinese food? If so, what’s your favorite dish? YES, chow mein usually chicken

What are you usually doing at midnight? scrolling through twitter

Have you ever developed feelings for a friend, but you were already with someone? yeah but I didn’t realise it had happened until after I moved away

If so, how did it turn out?                                                                                  we didn’t see each other since I left the place we worked at together

Give me your brief definition of love. just pure bliss that feels like home

What is the most beautiful part of the human body, male or female? eyes, they are the windows to the soul

What kind of shoes do you wear? I like dad sneakers, very chunky

What is the worst thing you’ve ever done when you were really angry?        told my ex boyfriend’s new girlfriend that he was still talking to me 

Are there any pills you take on a daily basis? If so, what?                        birth control

Do you like the smell of coconuts? yes

What is the heaviest you think you can lift? ooof I don’t know really

Do you take Tums? nope??? no idea what that is?

Have you ever walked on a pier at the beach? yes, we have one in my home town

How about under one? yes

At what age do you first remember feeling butterflies in your stomach around someone? I guess I had crushes on a couple of guys in my class back in the day so I guess below the age of 10, maybe around 8 or 9

Do you feel that way around anyone now? not right now

Do you ever talk to yourself or think deep thoughts while on the toilet? yes

Do you ever sing to yourself? sing along to music but never without - I am tone deaf

What is a sound that relaxes you? hmmm I guess the sound of the beach, waves crashing the usual nature sounds

How hard has it been to reach your main goal in life?                                      main goal is to be happy and it has been difficult in a pandemic

Do you remember the song about hoes in different area codes? ummm? no? sounds like a bop haha

What is your main heritage? British

What kind of pickles do you prefer, if you like pickles? not for me

What kind of cheese do you prefer, if you like cheese? mature cheddar is my daily go to but I like a lot of cheeses

If you could have a sea creature as a pet, what would you want? dolphin 

How about a farm animal? horse

So, do you have hoes in different area codes? I used to but they left me ;) 

What is the most annoying song you can think of that came out recently? tbh any song that has been ruined by tik tok

What is a song that you hate to admit you like? rick astley never gonna give you up - before rick rolling was a thing I bopped to this song and still can

What inspires you to get off your bum and do something productive? pinterest mood boards, e.g if I can get my room to look as good as they can then I’ll do something productive

Do you ever use Urban Dictionary? yes

Do you find the definitions on there to be generally funny or stupid? funny

What comes to your mind when you hear the word ‘transformation’? transformers movies

What was something you regularly played with as a child? Barbies forever

Have you ever given in to peer pressure? sure

What part of your body have you had the most problems with in your life? feet!!! they just hate me

Do a lot of people check you out when you’re in public?                                not in a way that is annoying I guess 

What is a good name for a turtle?                                                                Raphael

Can you imitate any accents well? If so, which one(s)? american is pretty easy, maybe australian

Do you like having your ear nibbled on? depends who is doing the nibbling

What makes a good kisser a good kisser? soft lips, not too much tongue and can keep the teeth at bay How many times a year do you have a family thing? with extended family usually twice a year

What are the best things to put in a smoothie? strawberries, bananas, yoghurt and milk (maybe I should branch out because that’s literally all I have)

Do you ever eat with your eyes closed and just focus on the taste? chocolate for sure

What do you dislike most about where you live right now? we are in lockdown and I can’t continue practicing my driving!!!

Has anyone ever given you a rose/roses? yes, honestly you would think flowers are cliche but oh boy do I love receiving them

Are you watching your weight? yup..... watching it GROW haha

Have you ever become really good friends with someone you found online?                                                                                                                for my second and third year of uni I had to find flatmates online and yeah friendships were formed 

What makes your best friend your best friend?

I can talk to them about anything and even tho life can take us to different places we’ll always have each other

Do you have a drunk uncle? nah

Do you hear weird noises in your house at night? I used to, it was only the old boiler kicking in the heating but recently we got a new one and it doesn’t make weird noises, I kinda miss them

What is something you do that is generally more like something the opposite sex does? eh I don’t think I do anything ‘guy’ like

What is the girliest thing you do, if you’re a girl? just girly things hahaha eh idk, I like getting my nails done every month or so

What is the coolest tattoo you’ve ever seen? I think it was Rihanna that got a tattoo at the centre of her chest and I thought it was really cool with the placing and style

Have you ever created anything artistic that you’re proud of? If so, what? nah

Do you only eat the middle of the oreo, if you eat oreos? I eat all of it

Do you know anyone with a huge ego? yes

If so, is there anything else about them you actually like? they have moments of being humble too

Do you have any friends who are more like siblings to you? hmmmm not yet

If so, what about them do you like most?

What do you like on your hotdogs, if you eat hotdogs? ketchup!! 

What is everyone else in your house doing right now? sleeping

How long do you think it would take you to run a mile? ah 15 mins maybe idk?????

Look down. What do you see? my cute pjs - been really into pjs ever since moving back home and not living independently anymore   What is a subject that makes you uncomfortable? homelessness

What is a subject you can talk on and on about and not get sick of it? taylor swift (can’t guarantee whomever I am talking to about her will get sick of it haha)

What kind of mood were you in most of today? not too bad, just a constant state of boredom waiting for the day for this pandemic to be over

Has anyone ever walked in on you naked? yes but we were dating so nbd

Tell me an inside joke you have with someone. my grandad was born in India and I used to go around saying that I was 1/4 Asian but ofc my friends knew I was joking now it’s a running joke

What is the worst thing you’ve ever done to someone emotionally? I guess led someone on

How do you feel now about the first person you ever dated? glad I had nice first dating experiences to reminisce about

How about the last person (your last ex)? bit more painful since we were together longer and went through a lot but as time moves forward it gets easier

What is the best invention ever invented? apple airpod pros(noise cancellation is a dream)

What is something that needs to be invented? honestly up until a year ago it was noise cancelling bluetooth earphones

What always makes you burp? I don’t usually burp tbh

What are you doing tomorrow? going for a walk in the rain to try out my new raincoat, fixing my curtain and finally putting up my fairy lights