#i made some good progress on my trip but then i got sick and theres so much i gotta draw alreadyyy

[rexscanonwife]

I am not exactly a newcomer, but I still enjoy giving people opportunities to talk about their OCs. So, please take this as a space to talk about Kepler as much as you would like to, if that's alright!! I may not be 1000% familiar with the intricacies of Star Wars, but I'd still be happy to hear ^-^

Hiii omg thank you so much for asking! 😭💖🫶💖 I really appreciate it! And tbh even a basic understanding of star wars is enough to get u thru most of it, what I love about the universe in general is that yes there are lots of rules but at the same time there's no rules at all?? You can do whatever you want as a fan and there's not rly anything ppl can do to stop you 😂

but for people who ARE seeing this for the first time, my star wars s/i is a Jedi Knight and my bff and I worked together to basically make an oc to be her Padawan! his name is Kepler Quinn and he's my perfect beautiful boy that I love 🥺

a lot of his character development comes from both coming into his own as a person through his training and through his relationships to others. He's been through a lot of rejection in his life already, so he kind of put up walls and has to learn to let people through them! Especially my s/i, who decides to dedicate herself to training him and making him see himself the way she sees him: as amazing! He's got a lot of really impressive skills, he's very in tune with the force when it comes to listening to it for insight, he's just not naturally a good fighter. That doesn't get you very far during a war 😅 but she thinks he's perfect! and she, and the other friends he makes are all part of his story.

(ps. here's some drawings of him made by my bff @star-whores69)

#jane journals #self insert talk #platonic f/o #familial f/o #🪐 kepler quinn 🪐 #dhksdj i took a long time to answer this im sorry x'3 #sometimes its hard to find out what to talk about cause there's so much to SAY and also you gotta figure out what youve already said yanno? #i gotta get back on making that lyric video tbh #i made some good progress on my trip but then i got sick and theres so much i gotta draw alreadyyy #not enough time ; v ; #but oughh i love my boy so much #i appreciate anyone inquiring about him tbh cause i get to show him off!! #i love imagining 'episodes' that he and brea would have that tell u more about the characters and their relationships #like them on scouting or relief missions which are kinda their specialty and how kepler would grow from his experiences #brea specializes in force healing so him learning to do it too is a huge part of his character growth #basically what he lacks is confidence and motivation cause he's the teeniest bit cynical dghsjkgd #anyways thank u again for asking me about it shgjk ily!! 💖💖😭

[shytiff]

Jan 2021 Wins

ive “journaled” for 6 months now. it started as small ___ wins because when you feel rly empty, even doing the bare minimum feels like a win. written down some of the wins. i think until now i’d like to keep the “win” part. a win against my shadow sometimes. a win in life. some things to be grateful for. a win for remembering it later in the future. i know some days im just basically doing nothing.  there are a lot of wars not won by me. but im still tryna ✨manifest✨

1 - woke up. watched bts’ 2021 seasons greetings. read trap city. afternoon nap. pupuy’s mbah passed away. i got DOMS in my body even though i did the barest of exercise yesterday (frail, i know). shower, matcha latte.

2 - the x banner atikah and i sent for racil post thesis defense has arrived lmaoo. mom made delicious (and sweet) fried banana. did some studying (more than usual, bcs the bar is on the floor)

3 - ate muesli, 3 risols. Kopsus coklat at flavola. Stayed there from 12-ish to 17:30 lmaooo. weekly bahas soal w/ fi. Rapat nemo

4 - first day of collab module. Barely cicil ukmppd. My mood is normal-ish but i hardly have the will to study. Dinner is fried fish with mentai sauce, potato wedges, and saladdd by mom

5 - collab module, qa presentation for rsui reps. finished reviewing tryout 2 solid. did padi pretest (got 66,5). ate chicken porridge, a bit of muesli and vsoy, tan ek tjoan bread, matcha latte, fish and chicken and potato wedges and salad, fried banana. i ate well today lol.

6 - slept during collab webinar, went to clara’s place to study osce and attended padi together. i ate well at clara’s placeee lol. ate nastar, kusuka, white kwetiaw with soup (?), and lele goreng. went back home @ 9 pm. i feel refreshed. even though we’ve half studied half mukbang all day. human interaction rly does heal me. i need human interaction more than i think. at night i dreamed about going to bali, to waterparks, seeing sea creatures, watching a movie displayed on a concert-like stage and screen at the front row. 

7 - woke up at 07:55, finished my part for collab group work. felt a bit tired today. the rest of fam went to DM, and when they were on the way back i HURRIED my way out, not even taking a shower lmaoo. got pistachio matcha latte at starbucks dm. now im more skilled in searching the best spot in a cafe to distance myself from people lmao. the matcha latte is served with some sort of pistachio cream and sprinkled with nuts on top. its like when sbux had taro matcha latte and it had purple cream on top. the pistachio taste is quite strong. reviewed TO 1 padi, sent proposals for nemo sponsorship.

8 - did syndrome try out and padi 2 web try out. studied for osce and padi @ clara’s place. wanted to order pizza since clara bought me food before, but she insisted in ordering lmaoo. so dinner is pizza hut

9 - woke up at 11.00 lmao. havent had breakfast. lunch is muesli with the brand new delishhh chocolate granola and cimory banana milk. did one shot try out, got 71. had a google meet with Prof Agus (that ethics book ghostwriting job from a year ago is not finished until now huaaa) that went from 20.00ish and finished at 22.30,,,,, reviewed syndrome try out along the way. havent made my collab self reflection hhhh. i also need to study for osce. also havent edited article for bukang solid. and there goes my saturday nooo

10 - i swear i keep waking up late lmao. Flavola w atikah, racheel later came with wawa. Kopsus coklat and ukmppd class w dr yudo. After class i just talked at flavola (and ended not studying osce at all for sunday). Went to racheel's to pray and talk some more. Hurriedly went back for booty call with fi, watched konser dies natalis first. Tryout and sum study with fi and clar that went from 20:30 to 00:10. Powered by left over kopsus and 2 snackit pia. Rip my sleeping schedule

11 - woke up at 10:30 ish, the lack of meal and horrible sleep pattern (for my standard) produced stuffy nose during the day and a bit of headache that went away for a bit after i ate. Late bfast is muesli, drank protein, ate tan ek tjoan, plus 2 brownies in the evening. Tht coaching w dr niken. Did self reflection for collab. Had dinner without rice, as usual. Ukmppd class w dr ayu. Finished reflection at 21:30 lmao (deadline is 23:55). Tryna sleep and my nose is still itchy and i sneeze a more often. i hope it goes away 2mrw

12 - DV coaching, scele tryout, took a nap before padi cause my head kind of hurts. Les padi while drinking matcha with vsoy less sugar and no added sugar. I can withstand the horrible sugarless cy matcha taste bcs theres a taste of soy. Didnt do anything else. Havent studied osce on my own until now. Astagfirullah

13 - my head still kind of aches. Its goes away when im eating. im eating so well during the weekdays that i gained 2kgs lmao. lazed around the first half of the day. padi. finally tried saint matcha and damnn its an amazing upgrade from Cy matcha. the green color is super different yall. Cy’s green looks sick and tired compared to saint matcha. the taste? immaculate (although coco deli is more fragrant). caffeine? hits. awake and feel normal? yes. messaged an ao3 author and got replied and turns out she’s making a sequel for my fav fic of hers. yay

14 - osce practice w ara ren ness. bedah and anak osce coaching. had 3 of mom’s cinnamon rolls and matcha latte for the afternoon. cicil osce DV. edited some pld articles. did nothing else basically

15 - wasted my day, didnt have the courage to study osce (i feel like i procrastinate on it bcs it feels overwhelming to me), TO FKUI 2, hurriedly reviewed to 1 before, les padi. i feel like this is the least focused im being in a les. maybe its the too few matcha powder.

16 - woke up at 9 am. breakfast is muesli. reviewed to 2 fkui w apa salahku (finished at 12 pm, there goes half of my saturday). tried fried chicken master. its good and tender but i still prefer moon chicken. 

17 - breakfast is muesli, banana and 2 martabak tahu. snack is keripik pisang aduuu wenak (and picking bits of meat cooked by mom). went to devi’s place w/ racheel silvi. brought RJ to be wrapped. we watched okay madam and its super fun, hilarious and full of twists anddd a bit of cutesy romance. just the right balance to enjoy and let the stress out. late lunch is moon chicken yay!! went home after maghrib, did to padi 6 w/ fi and matcha latte. talked about a senior’s wedding and eating healthier til 22:30

18 - To fkui 3, wasted my afternoon playing my phone, finally mustered some will to study after ashar. My progress is rly slow today. Watched hilarious jessi interview with eric, heechul. Im telling u, i thought tiktok is the funniest internet content but i was wronggg. Seeing heechul flustered is hilarious. Tried to study again at night but only learned 1 disease hiks

19 - had no idea what i did before dzuhur lmao. went to racheel’s to surprise atikah. actually napped at her place lmaoo why do i feel so sleepy. gifted rj to atikah. we ate fried chicken master and pempek on a small green table and talked. its like korean movie lmao. we talked while im simultaneously listening to padi lol.

20 - woke up at 8, chicken porridge + muesli and low sugar vsoy for breakfast. arrived at clara’s @10am. to fkui 4. reviewed it. reviewed general physical exam. finished up to padi 7. tried bombo donut. studied osce. i felt sooo dumb in osce (and clara is already super smart). superrr motivated to learn after going back home (arrived at 7) but i ended up opening youtube and drinking protein lmaooo and its suddenly 9 pm

21 - matcha latte at starbucks dm. Studied osce. Obgyn coaching w the super kind dr ilham. Les padi. Read angel buddy and played with my phone til 12 pm

22 - to fkui. padi as usual. had low motivation, so i did the tryout that day close to the actual course.

23 - left home at 06:30 to study together in capitol. had breakfast in mcd first. thank god i ate rice + chicken and breakfast wrap cuzzzz. studied osce together w ara, ical, kelvyn, dio and kak ilonka til about 2 pm. WALKED to bk bcs my parents are there. apparently simply driving to capitol is too much for them. immediately ate muesli at 4 pm cause i didnt eat anything in capitol. did nothing else after that. did not pray maghrib together lmao somehow mom had mercy on me and let me sleep som more. mom bought sate padang but i didnt eat it. i cried in bed because as yoongi said, “this is the real you and this is the real me”. did not shower/wash my face at night bcs i felt like shit lmao rip my face (its a week before bukang photoshoot)

24 - i feel tired, lazy, and just wanted some sleep. like all that’s in me is drained. ate muesli with strawberry milk. tried fitmee beef. its better than i thought. because the noodle is chewy you spend more time to chew. also ate fried chicken and daun singkong. usually i cant wait to go to flavola but even at 12 pm i just feel like laying down. finally mustered the will to shower and go out. its raining a bit on the way. colddd. 

25 - to fkui 6, osce briefing, covid lecture (that was actually for ppds), padi

26 - spaghetti for brekkie, coaching neuro and ophthalmology, cicil osce

27 - cicil osce, the second to the last padi omg. the fastest padi ever

28 - obgyn osce practice at kak ilonka’s place (that nice kosan at forkabi) with ara, ren ness, kelvyn, dio with mannequins from og dept, tried meokja salemba that serves bulgogi rice. quite good. after arriving at home, studied neuro together with menno til about 20:45 an and i just dont have the energy lmaooo so i gave up and slept

29 - today is bukang photoshoot at bintaro. put base make up on the way. even put glue on my eyebrow. got eyebrow, eyeshadow and blush done by renata. took lots of photos. nebeng om coro afterwards to bxc to meet mom. we ate at genki sushi (renata ara kris mendel oca regan geordie eka). i missss road trips hua. did tryout fkui on the way back home. after shower and prayer proceeded to review TO with apa salahku. Last padi (havent done the questions beforehand so i sprinted it out while on the actual course). Muhasabah osce with kak widia afterwards lmao. Studied osce with clara

30 - studied osce with ara ren ness @ merra. I ate eatlah, moms muffin, kemplang, tango. I ate so welll. Its a productive sesh, neuro and infectious disease. At home i studied osce w clara til abt 22:15 ish. I feel like i miss my me time lmao its been 3 days. I can still go on w clara but i dont wanna get myself sick

31 - simul osce in the morning. Osce study with clara almira. Cicil osce alone. Played my phone at 10 pm even though i still have mental clarity post matcha latte -___-

[concentrateandpush]

Abandoned building

"I know some of you may think it's crazy going to an abandoned building to film a YouTube video whilst 37 weeks pregnant.. but I cant let my 2.3 mil subscribers down! Plus it should be super safe! I mean, theres an open door right where we park, so not long to walk and straight in! No climbing!" Said Kat to her viewers whilst sat in the back of Poppy's car. There were 6 people in total, Kat and Joe, the mommy and daddy to be, Poppy, Kats best friend. Then Corey, Daniel and Dave, the guys who Kat wanted to collab with, they knew each other from elementary but hadn't been close for a long time, Joe and Poppy didnt know them at all.

She had noticed that morning that she wasnt feeling great and it seems that the morning sickness had come back, but she agreed to do this video so she persisted and hey! She had her boyfriend with her after all. Kat and Joe had been together a long time and it was about time they should have a baby, Joe was thrilled, Kat was too but she still felt she could take on the world whilst carrying a human.

They agreed that Poppy would drive seeing as Kat was 37 weeks pregnant and felt uncomfortable driving now. They arrived at the abandoned building as it was going dark, Joe wasnt at all phased by spirits but the rest were hyped and ready to go.

'Hey man, I'm Daniel"

"Joe, nice to meet you"

Joe could instantly tell Daniel was a jerk. At this point in time, whilst everyone was setting up cameras, Poppy chatted to Kat whilst having a smoke.

Kat made sure that nobody was around and quickly said to Poppy "Pops, dont tell Joe, I've been having twinges all morning, I'm super nauseous and I think theres a pattern in the pain, I dont want to tell him because he already cant believe I've come here 9 months pregnant"

Poppy exclaimed "Yeah I'm not surprised, look, videos can wait, let's go back to your apartment and order uber eats, I dont think its wise to stay here" and quickly, Kat snapped "I wont be able to come back here for a long time and I need to film this video, were like 3 hours from home now anyway so let's just film".

It's been a few hours and they had filmed the majority of the scheduled videos. Kat is exhausted at this point and hasn't suffered in pain too much, but she has noticed her belly getting heavier and harder through out filming. They get ready to call it a night and hear a noise from outside, young people, they sound rough and ready to fight.

Daniel whispers "Boys we have to run out, Joe, you up for running out? Girls?"

"I cant run" Kat exclaims, but Joe cuts across her quickly "You expect my 9 month pregnant girlfriend to run out of here, she could trip on anything for starters and -"

Kat starts to feel a lot of pressure and breathes it through but it doesnt go unnoticed, Poppy feels that she has to disclose information "Joe she has felt twinges all day and didnt want to tell you because -"

"Who's in here then? Who's up for a fight?!" Sounds from the outside.

"Okay, everyone shut the fuck up, Daniel phone the police, Joe, an ambulance, nobody argue with me, I need to get out of here" whispers Kat "I've kept this tiny person safe for 9 months, I am not messing it up now, I will not put myself and my child at risk of those kids outside, were in a bad area and they might have weapons so we -"

Joe interrupts "Love, we didnt bring phones, it interferes with the tech"

Kat looks at Joe tearfully and says "Okay well it'll have to happen in here then, I'm in so much pain, I need something to sit on, a jumper or?.."

At this point, Poppy has had enough "Right you three get out there, you do not tell them were in here, it was your idea not to bring phones in and now look where you got us"

Daniel slams back "Mate, your friend wanted to be here even though she cant even walk shes so pregnant, Joe you should never have left her come, you're both going to be parents and cant even- "

"Ahhh, hee hoo hee hoo, please shut up I need to focus, please just shut up" said Kat, "I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry, okay can I check you? I just need to check how far along you are" said Joe whilst signaling to Poppy that she should come over and help. Joe pulls Kats maternity jeans off and then her panties, the three other boys are stood watching, "never seen a vagina before you pervs?" Shouted Poppy. Kat moans as Joe puts his fingers in, "You're nearly there Kat, you're going to have to push her out in here" he says panicking "I cant" says Kat, "it's dirty and ngghh"

Corey whispers to Daniel "Nah mate, we have to tell her" Joe hears and shouts "Tell her what?!" Daniel laughs and mutters "it's a prank pal, theres nobody outside, it's just the rest of the boys, you need to get her out of here". Joe springs up off the floor and runs towards Daniel "You f*cking what? I'm going to break that pretty face of-"

"I need to push, please, help me" Kat cries, Joe is torn, after a second thought he falls to his knee and pulls Kats legs open and says, "Okay whenever you feel it's right, push as hard as you can" Kat takes a huge breath and presses her chin down on her chest to push and Poppy says "Stop, let's get her to my car, I have blankets and stuff, we can help her birth there, its safer". Huffing and puffing through out, Kat screaches "I cant walk, I can feel the head I need to push her out now, I have to push, I cant hold it anymore".

"Come on, let's get up, get to the car and get this baby out safely" Joe orders, Kat always listens to Joe because he always does what's best. Kat finds the strength to get on her toes, with Joe's hand and Poppy supporting her lower back, once on her feet she stops and takes a moment "hee hoo hee, AHH I cant, I need to push, urrrrggggg", Joe gets on his knees and kisses her bump, "we can get to the car".

Poppy runs ahead, "you can do this Kat you're the strongest person I know" she exits quickly to puff and prod some blankets so that Kat can bare down on them. Whilst Kat waddles out with Joe's support under her elbows "Not long now Mommy, she'll be here".

Kat gets in the car and quickly tries to find a position to push in, but becomes frustrated because she cant find the power to push "I need to squat" she begins pushing harder and harder until she feels powerless.

Kat becomes tired in this position quickly, "I need to get on my back, theres not enough room, Joe can you get in the, hee hoo hee hoo, ahhh, get in the front and I'll put one leg either side of the front seats, that way my legs will be spread as far as they can be, and ill be open for baby to come out". Joe quickly gets up "let me help you into position" but Poppy realises she needs to help her best friend "Joe you get in the front I will help Kat get comfortable".

Kat huffs and puffs through the moving, she is so ready for the baby to be out by now, then it hits her. "I need to push harder, I need her out now, can you guide her Joe, Pops, hold this leg back as far as you can, nghggg ahhh, hoo hooo". At this point the other boys have all left and its pitch black, the only lights are the car lights and phone torches.

Kat is sweating so much that her face is shining. She starts to panic because she feels exhausted and like she's been pushing too long "get me to a hospital Pop, this isnt right". Poppy answers with a smile "You're fine, you're doing great, you're so so strong. We can see the head now, shes beautiful, she has your colour hair, just keep doing what you're doing mama". Kat soon starts to feel the ring of fire and starts to close her legs "it burns, I cant take it I'm going to rip, I'm going to open, is there blood? I cant, ahhh hoo hoo hoo nghhhh".

Kats progress is phenomenal and Joe is crying because of his girlfriends strength, "you're doing so good, I'm so proud of you, not much left now, just get the head out completely and then it's nearly over and we have a daughter".

I need to move positions" Kat snaps, "Shes coming" Kat suddenly staggers onto hands and knees, this is when she gets really strong, she starts to push with all of her might. "Its stuck, I cant move it, put your fingers in and rub them around the head, she needs to come out I cant push anymore it hurts". "Ooohhh this is it, I'm going to rip, fu*k, AAAHH".

Joe encourages Kat all the can "Come on honey a few more pushes, you're going great, you're doing it come on, push! Harder! Come on Kat push like you've never pushed before, yes, yes, come on sweetheart, push harder.. HARDER".

Kat is barely catching a breath and is baring down to hard she feels like shes going to rip. "Try little pushes, like ngh ngh ngh ngh rather than nghhhhh" says Poppy "It might change things and speed up the progress". "I'm not strong enough I cant go any longer, please call an ambulance, I need help, they can cut me and ahhhhhh, f*ck I think shes coming down, nghhhh, hooo hooo hooo AAHHHH can you see her? JOE CAN YOU SEE THE SHOULDERS, AHHHHHHHHH" she takes a breath and pushes until shes red in the face "hnnnnnngggggg here she is, it's time! I'm ready. To. Pusshhhhhhh. Oh my god, fu.. AHHHHH" . "Shes here beautiful, you're a Mommy. You're amazing, you're so perfect, I love you so much" Joe cries.

[littleleapers-diaries]

About last year…

This morning, over a year after I last updated my field blog, I sat at the kitchen table browsing through a friend’s facebook-page. She had just come back from a six-month long trip to Madagascar, her posts showing a mixture of joy to be back with her family and friends and heartache at having left Madagascar. I stirred my tea and absent-mindedly fished out some pieces of cinnamon bark that I had brought back from my first trip to the island in 2013. I knew exactly how she felt. I had been feeling the same for the past seventeen months.

But this post is not meant to be about how I still can’t watch documentaries on Madagascar because I get home-sick for it, or how I haven’t spent time with my Malagasy friends for over year, no: With this blog post I’d like to address that last year of a PhD, the one when all the field work is over - the writing phase. The one phase of a PhD you don’t see much about on social media but that occasionally pops up in your University newsletter with the title “Don’t forget to take care of yourself!”.

I wasn’t scared of the writing per se, I’m good at it (most days), and I wasn’t too worried about the analysis part either because I’d taken care to collect specific, easy-to-analyse data (or so I thought). I had planned out the year, with crucial dates for finished chapters, giving myself plenty of time for each to be sorted, analysed and written up. The timeline worked out much better than I thought and last month, before Christmas, I handed in a finished thesis. Eleven months after I wrote the first word. But the entire time I was in a downward spiral of despair and anxiety. So, what happened in the end?

A combination of factors made my life difficult: I had loved being in the field and in Madagascar and the reverse culture-shock was pretty bad, especially since I moved directly to Sweden, a country I was unfamiliar with, to be with the boyfriend. In Sweden I worked at a University to finance my stay and to figure out whether I could work in Europe-based conservation. It was a long, dark winter and it became apparent quickly that while I enjoyed the work there, my expertise lies in tropical countries making me feel like I was losing footing in Europe. The double pressure of working part-time and writing a PhD did its part to make me feel overworked and under constant stress. Additionally, I tried to figure out how to stay in my (very loving) relationship while pursuing my job interests. Working in Madagascar WITH the boyfriend wouldn’t work (for multiple reasons), but I didn’t know of any alternatives and the boyfriend wasn’t suggesting anything either which frustrated me a lot. I became thin-skinned and irritable, easily despaired and unfocused. I lost my centre somewhere along the path and as it happened so gradually, I only realised it once it was too late and all the “take a break from work/do yoga/read a good book” tips didn’t help me anymore. It was not that I had become depressed to the point I couldn’t get out of bed anymore, I’d just become a very different, unhappy, person under all the stress.

A few things played to my advantage: I have been through emotionally rough times before and can read my personal warning signs - I know when I need to get professional help (which I did – shout out to the therapist). I have a fantastic support network and family who have always made sure that I have a safety-net under me, emotionally and financially, and I have two very relaxed and understanding supervisors who never had problems with me taking some time off (which I didn’t, but it was good to know that they wouldn’t have minded). So, while I finalized the writing over the past months, I spent some time with soul-searching in my parents’ house, signed up for a mentoring program for women in STEM sciences and learned how to play drums.

All of this helped, but then two crucial things happened: First, after discussions with my supervisor, a project idea popped up that I got really excited about (and excitement was something I hadn’t felt in quite some time) and secondly, I finished the thesis. The minute I sent it off to be printed I felt like all the stress just dropped off me. I felt re-centred and like myself again and only then I realised how much of my problems had stemmed from this huge responsibility. A responsibility that nobody besides me really cared about, which made it even more stressful as it all lay solely on my shoulders.

And this is why I am writing this post. Most of the problems I mentioned above seem very specific to my situation and obviously I can only write from my own experience, but after all this I finally understood what all the “PhD and Mental Health”-pamphlets are about: Doing a PhD puts you under a kind of stress unlike other situations. You are scared of failing, you are overworked or feel guilty because you didn’t do as much as you thought you would, you can never switch off because it’s always there and you have no idea about your future as the job offers didn’t come flooding in like you expected them to. It can’t just be me, right?

I wanted to summarize some of the things I realised while writing this PhD, and in the last few weeks after having sent it off to be judged by other scientists. Some tips to consider that may prevent you from spiralling downward. Maybe the following is relevant to you, maybe not – you have to judge for yourself.

1)      Be prepared (as well as you can be).

There are some fantastic books out there about what it is like to do a PhD. If you’re unsure whether you want to commit to a postgraduate study or about to start one, I can only recommend looking into them!

-�� “The unwritten rules of PhD research” by Marian Petre (this one I can highly recommend)

-   “PhD: An uncommon guide to research, writing & PhD life” by James Hayton

-   “How to get a PhD: A Handbook for students and their supervisors” by Estelle Phillips and Derek Pugh

Obviously, there are more books out there, some dealing with the daily life of a PhD student some with how to plan and write your thesis. In the first year I wrote down a list of advice from a former PhD student on twitter and stuck it next to my desk. That helped prepare me for some of the issues ahead (such as prolonged procrastination or lack of motivation). Look around and get smart about things, it’ll help you deal with what’s coming up!

 2)      Make plans.

Plans help. Plan your next vacation. Or conference-trip. Anything from fixing a date for going to the cinema (yes, I’m a 90s child) to planning out the next five years meticulously. Plans help. They give you cornerstones to hold on and look forward to and, most importantly, they give you deadlines. “Doing your PhD” mostly means working independently, on your own, with only your own motivation to guide you. And motivation fails, as we all know. If you intersperse the long weeks of sitting in the lab/in front of your laptop with small breaks that you can plan, you will automatically procrastinate less. It structures your life and you’ll have something that you feel in control of. And you can practise letting go when plans fail, as they often do.

 3)      You are not alone (!!!!).

Two of the most common problems PhD students face seem to be a) feeling isolated and b) imposter syndrome. Isolation can stem from being left to your own devices because of uninvolved supervisors or working on a difficult topic that not many others can relate to or because of multiple other reasons that occur while you are working on becoming a sort-of expert in your field. Which brings us to the other point: You’ll never feel like an expert. You’ll always feel like you don’t know what you’re talking about although you just studied the same topic over the past three years. It’s called imposter syndrome and it can be incredibly stressful. Constantly feeling inadequate although you are working hard to become knowledgeable is not healthy in anyway and can cause serious anxiety. I myself haven’t had a bad case of imposter syndrome. I am lucky to have realised three things very early on: There will always be somebody better and more knowledgeable than me, there is no shame in admitting you don’t know something and (this is important) most people feel insecure, so basically none of us feels like we know what we’re talking about most of the time. However, it may help you to read up on these challenges if you feel like you are experiencing the same things. There are some helpful tips out there!!

Here are some articles on the struggles THAT ARE REAL:

-          http://www.businessinsider.de/phd-students-could-face-significant-mental-health-problems-2017-8?r=UK&IR=T

-          https://qz.com/547641/theres-an-awful-cost-to-getting-a-phd-that-no-one-talks-about/

-          https://www.vice.com/en_nz/article/j55edk/getting-a-phd-is-bad-for-your-mental-health

  4)      Prepare your support system.

The stress will take its toll on you and may affect your physical, emotional or mental wellbeing (or, and hear me out here, you might be just fine? Who knows?). In any case it’s important that those around you, your friends and family, know what you are going through. Talk to them about your issues, tell them what you need from them (a shoulder to cry on? A cup of tea? Somebody to do the laundry?) and involve them in your progress. Not everybody knows what “doing a PhD” entails, and the more you tell them about what you are going through, the better they can be there for you if you need them.

In my case, the stress changed my personality quite a bit, and if the boyfriend hadn’t been so understanding (he’s a scientist himself) he would have been quite shocked at the change. In this way, he could be there for me when I needed him for support (and laundry).

By involving those around you, you are basically securing a safety net for yourself in case of a hard fall. If you don’t fall, you’ll at least have a group of cheerleaders to cheer you on, which counteracts potentially isolating situations.

5)      With all that focussing on the brain – don’t forget about the rest of your body!

EXERCISE! Even if it’s just a short walk, or gentle yoga every evening (like I did) or, if you actually enjoy sweating and running (like I don’t), go do some serious sports! Prolonged sitting is bad for you. It’s bad for your posture, it’s bad for your digestion and, I learned that the painful way, it can cause some serious haemorrhoids. I’m writing this while sitting on one of those inflatable-donut-thingies that I got for Christmas (yes, that happened), so take it from me: MOVE IT, MOVE IT! It’ll help with your focus and productivity as well and can also alleviate some of the stress of all the travelling you’ll have to do as a PhD. I’ve been known to do yoga (or impromptu dance sessions) in airports in-between flights.

At the very least, make sure your chair/table is adjusted properly.

I’ll conclude this post by mentioning that most of the personal issues that arise from doing a PhD stem from how the system is structured. Yes, we are putting a lot of stress on ourselves but that is often because we are scared of failing in a flawed system that rewards quantity rather than quality. In my opinion funds shouldn’t be distributed according to “what’s hot right now”, and that good science takes time that we are not granted if we want to succeed. It angers me that the way to a fixed position leads over a path of years’ worth of struggling to find funds and not knowing what the next year brings, whether you can afford to feed your family, or even have a family. But that is just my opinion. At this point I don’t have any idea how to change the way things are, but as soon as I have, I’ll do all in my power to do so.

For now, the last bit of advice I can give you is to check out what your University has to offer in terms of mental health support. The struggle is real: it’s not about how we’d all like an easier life, it’s about how we’d like to go through life without despair and anxiety. We need a better dialogue about the struggles of doing a PhD. We need to get the word out what students are going through and be there for each other, it’s the system that has to change, NOT US.

If you’d like to share your experience or any have tips on how you got through your PhD, feel free to write to me on twitter! @LittleLeapers_

#phd life #phd help #postgrad #research #student