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thebridgedifferentuniverse · 4 years

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When I was young, I opposed being in a long-distance relationship. Do not get me wrong, I am very supportive if other people are in it. Both my brother and sister are in their respective long-distance relationships, and successfully so. My sister is now married to her person, and my brother is engaged to his. I, personally, just did not feel that I can manage one.

However, last year, August, I visited the country I grew up in. I met up with him. We have known each other for eleven years by that time. He always felt like home. All through High school, we were close friends. The attraction always there. He confessed that I was his first love. He never told me in High school. Our friends knew.

I decided to take a risk. He decided to take one as well. Both of us never having tried long-distance before. But we felt like taking a chance on each other is worth it. He is in love. I am in love. Deeply.

And while our long-distance relationship is only eight months long, here are some things I learned in the experience:

Learn what time works best for you both and video chat. He and I have agreed that we would have video chats weekly. At minimum, only once. While other people may want to video chat daily and if that is what works best for them, then great for them. But I have learned that this is what works best for us. It is, of course, different for everyone. I have learned that doing only once a week meant that I would get really excited for this day. This is our weekly date. We would talk for five to six hours on that day. We talk about the specific stuff that happened in each day and share maybe even the most mundane things to some. Once a week works best because we are both very busy with our jobs. During the week, we work on our personal aspirations and education while also seeing our respective friends, and then on our day, we talk about all of these things.

Update each other. I think one of the best ways to assure each other is to update each other with your social activities. We have both agreed that we do not need to update each other if it is just work but if it is meeting up with a friend or friend(s), we would like to be informed. If it is going to a fair or a conference, we are very supportive and would love to know. Of course, every case is different with other relationships. Since we did start as close friends, and he served as my human diary before, this came naturally to me. We are as transparent as we can be. With all honesty, I like updating him. I assume he also feels the same. I like that he knows what is happening to me. Even just a quick update like “I’m going to see this movie. I hope you are having a good day.” And then on our weekly video chat, I tell him the whole story. I do this for him, and he does the same.

If Wi-if is good, video chat while one of you guys are going to an event you really like. Of course, some countries can have crappy wi-fi. Philippines is one of them. While he would love to let me see sometimes what is happening in an event, sometimes the internet does not allow so. One great night, however, he did manage to have a decent internet connection. He went to an Art Fair and he video chatted me while going through the art. It was one of the best dates ever in the history of virtual dating. It helps a lot that he has quite an eye for art. He would close up to an art sculpture, drawing et cetera so I can see the details he liked. We constantly talked about how we felt about the art seen. We teased each other profusely, statements such as “OMG, you so look like that” could be heard. We gushed about couples in painting, stating that we look like those. It felt as if I was really there with him. Plus, I did not need to pay for entrance. Lol. As I said, if wi-fi is good, video chat your person and show them the new restaurant or coffee place you discovered so it feels like you are sharing this moment together. Video chat if you can when there is an event that you can share with them. Do those virtual dates, it is amazing.

Have a google doc of your plans together. Write a list of things you would like to do together. My bf and I have in our list even the simplest and weirdest things we would like the two of us to do together such as eat this kind of street food, watch this certain movie and so on. We have places we would like to visit in that Google doc. The great thing about a Google doc is that both can update the file. This Google doc makes you excited for the next time you see each other. My bf and I change the font colour of the text to red when we have accomplished the activity already. On our list, it states, “Have a fort.” And last Chrsitmas, when I visited, while i was in the shower, he surprised and built me one. The list lets you know as well what activities your partner is interested in. You want to experience this with your hubby, just keep adding to the doc.

Do something together even as you are apart. Watch the same tv series or movie, listen to the same song or even learn to play that same song. Read the same book. All of these things will keep you feel connected. You guys are going to form bonds on these things. Analyze and communicate of which parts you like, which parts you hate and which parts remind you of them. Learn the same thing if you would like. There are a lot of free courses online, nowadays. Study writing together, if you like. My bf works as a writer and I work as a library assistant. I like to say that we are so meant to be. He loves to write while I love to read. I am interested in writing as well, so I constantly ask him to give me advice when I have a concept in mind. And so does he. When we have seen the same movie, we talk about what concepts attracted us to the story. Again, doing stuff together even apart will keep you sane.

Build a plan together. Build a plan on when to see each other next. Build a plan on when to finally live together in the same place, same country. Long-distance is challenging. It is best to know when you will see that beautiful face again. Try to at least see each other once a year. It is of course, hard work, financially. But it is worth it. Why else would you date someone long-distance if this person is not worth it? With the pandemic happening, or any unfortunate event that will happen, plans may change. But it is good to have some plan in place. I try to go see him at least once a year. Plans are in place on how we will help each other reach our dreams once we are together. And I am already working on my dreams so it would be easier for me once I am with him. And he is doing the same. Do something. There will be no progress if you do not do anything. You have to sacrifice things but it will be worth it if he or she is the one.

Listen and be honest. I realized that in order for this to work, I have to be completely honest. If it is on chat, non-verbal cues are not evident for him to see. No clues for him to notice that I maybe feeling a certain way. So sometimes when I miss him, and I need assurance I specifically tell him, “Can you give me assurance? Assure me.” And he will. I also listen to him. Completely listen. He lets me know if something feels not right to him. And I try my best to do something to assure him. Listen so you can compromise. Oh, yeah that is another, compromise.

Inside jokes are essential. I repeat, essential. We have an advantage because we have known each other for 11 years. But any relationship needs an inside joke. This will keep you sane. The relationship can not be boring. And it is not supposed to be.

Keep reminding each other that you love each other. And that you miss each other. Sometimes one message of “I miss you” means so much. Because that is another thing about having a long-distance relationship, you effing miss each other.

I am no expert in relationships. This are just things that I have learned. And I am in the hopes of learning more. Every day is new and exciting.

#love #long distance #worthsharing #couple #advice #listen #relationship #relationship advice

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