#i literally had a terrible day

[sluckythewizard]

YOU JUST HƎARD IT FROM [HIS MOUTH] FOR SURƎ!!!

#cw gore #cw blood #jrwi fanart #jrwi suckening spoilers #jrwi suckening #BEEN VEHEMENTLY SCRIBBLING THIS THING ALL DAY #IM SO FUCKING IN LVOE W THE NEW EPISODE #VIV N VEX ARE LITERALLY EVERYTHING I COULDVE EVER WANTED. I LOVE BLOOD AND MEAT AND BLOOD AND MEAT #THE SCRIBBLE IS KINDA ROUGH SO DONT LOOK AT IT TOO HARD BUT EHEHEHEEEE THE FACE THAT I CREATED UNNERVES ME #AND IM VERY HAPPY ABOUT THAT. I LOVE CREATING SOMETHING AND HAVING IT EVEN SLIGHTLY PHASE ME #I LOVED ALL THE TOOTH RIPPING NOISES IN THIS EPISODE. AHVE U EVER HAD A TOOTH REMOVED? #SHE USED A BLUNT METAL TOOL TO PUNCH IT OUT. IT REMINDED ME OF THE SPLINTERING OF A TREE. THE WAY IT TORE. #SUCH A SPECIFIC SORT OF CRUNCHING AND SPLINTERING AS A MOLAR WAS RRRRIPPPEEDD FROM THE SOCKET. OHH I LOVE IT. #GOING IN FOR A ROOT CANAL NEXT WEEK AND IM VERY EXCITED. ALL THE DENTISTS LOVE ME N ARE SO NICE TO ME #WHAT A GREAT EPISODE. I HOPE THE URGE TO DRAW MORE STRIKES ME LIKE THIS AGAIN. WEEEE!! #I WANNA ANIMATE EMIZEL GETTIN HIS EYE RRIPPED OUT. BUT. IM ALREADY COOKING 3 OTHER VIV N VEX ANIMATIONS #THERES NO WAY THEY WILL ALL BE FINISHED HELP!! HELP MEE!!!! I HAVE TO MANY IDEAS AND NOT ENOUGH HANDS. DO U GUYS REMEMBER HTF? #OR HAPPY TREE FRIENDS. THE CUTE ANIMAL SHOW W ALL THE BLOOD AND GORE AND TERRIBLE TERRIBLE THINGS HAPPENING TO THE CUTE ANIMALS #in elementary school i would show the 'eyes cold lemonade' to other kids and tell em thats how they make pink lemonade. #hope that helps you undertsand. i wish i could make a lil cartoon w just viv n vex doing what they do best #LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT. IM GOING BACK TO MY LAB. DONT EXPECT TO HEAR FROM ME IN A MILLION YEARS

[lazylittledragon]

don't you love when you Just stopped feeling guilty about eating the things you like and then one of your parents drops the "i'm concerned about your diet"

#ramble #tw ed #this is because i sometimes eat pasta twice a day btw #which. i didn't think was THAT bad as far as diets go #is that not normal??? is that BAD??? #they would've fainted at some of the shit i ate when i was at uni #also i walk my dog for an hour every day #and also i'm 3 months into hrt and i'm HUNGRY give me a break #i just don't see why you would bring it up if it wasn't something that could ACTUALLY fuck up my health long term #uhghghghghghghghhghghg #also. not that it MATTERS. but i have NEVER had diet/food related health issues outside of IBS #maybe be concerned about my brother who works a full time restaurant job and literally doesn't eat #idk why i'm surprised when my mum thinks she has a terrible diet because she eats chocolate sometimes

[elloras]

Ted Lasso: All Apologies

#ted lasso #tedlassoedit #ted lasso by episode #roy kent #<33333333 #keeley jones #rebecca welton #roy x keeley #roykeeley #phoebe kent #phoebe o'sullivan #* #shout out to drakkywolfe because talking about our baby roy headcanons helped me fully realize this: #when roy says football is 'who i am. it's all i am' he's not being dramatic he's not exaggerating he's saying it very literally #football was everything. everything -- his only hope and his future and also the thing that took him away from his family #but also let him support his family. apart from that he was just a kid from a working class family in south london which is still described #to this day as a scary place and he very likely was terrible at school and that little fake grass pitch was the only thing he had and #it was the only time his emotions were celebrated or even allowed and #it's not that he forgot who he was outside it he never knew #yeah. roy kent. that's all

[miodiodavinci]

head in hands like "maybe i should have realized this about myself sooner" as i am surrounded by neon flashing signs that Very Clearly Indicate the thing i should have realized about myself sooner

#anyway i'm just mulling about the 'tism skdjfhgljhdfg #thinking about how i've been having a hard time on site with my internship because i struggle to make small talk with my superiors #and everything is uncomfortable and terrible all of the time and i feel so so out of my depth #but talking with my university superior about the methodology of our profession #has me feeling like i'm playing just dance on extreme and i'm nailing every single beat w #like quite literally is like one of those rhythm games where when you get a combo it plays a cool sound effect #and i'm playing so well the sound effects are overlapping and the screen is just an explosion of stars w #so yeah i am. very comfortable talking academics and theory and things but. shit in social situations. #when i don't have that to rely on whoops #anyway it's just another thing on the incredibly long list of things i have building in my mind of #'why i should have realized i'm probably on the spectrum sooner' #the thrilling sequel to 'how did i go 20+ years without realizing i have ADHD' w #(speaking of) #(the way my ADHD has been leaping into the spotlight this week) #(biggest highlight was being jumpscared not once) #(not twice!!) #(but THREE times by food i had bought for myself) #(put down briefly) #(and then forgotten about for upwards of 30 minutes to 5 hours) #(like the other day i bought myself a little pastry on the way home as a congrats for surviving another week) #(and i put it on the table when i came inside) #(but i. forgot i did that. and went like 4 hours without even thinking about it) #(until i got up and left my room and saw the bag and went '! ! ! ! ! ! ! OH MY GO D MY PASTRY NOOOOOOO') #(the adhd and the autism . . . . they are attacking my ass . . . . . )

[xinanigans]

IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW????????

#MY GOATS!!!!!!! #I’ve just had my awakening #quite literally the re-embodiment of Christ.. #welcome back john brown……………. #what if John brown was bald #hi hi guys 1 more day #flunked my mcq for lang but idc all i care abt is APUSH RAHHH 🦅🦅 (my reading comprehension is terrible) #american history #john brown #apush #us history

[kris-mage-fics]

So we have a mouse in our apartment, which scared the living daylights out of me! Not because I'm scared of mice, but I just assumed we'd never see one in here. (We are on the third floor, and we've lived here for close to 13 years and have never seen one.) The landlord is going to bring over some poison but I'd really rather not use it. I don't know, maybe that's dumb, but it's just a little guy trying to live it's life and not be cold. I really don't like killing critters. Of course if we want to catch it that means we have to get something ourselves. Which is a pain when you live quite a few km from any stores that sell live traps and don't have a car. I'll have to talk to my partner and see what if he's up for a trip to the store or not, but he's at work right now.

#at least now I know what the weird noise we've been hearing the last few days in the kitchen by the radiators is #and why Jade keeps staring at the radiator with great intensity #which is funny because she's a terrible hunter -- good thing she isn't a farm cat #she's caught all of two bugs in 12 years I really don't think she's going to get the mouse #I've literally never had to deal with a mouse where I lived so I'm at a bit of a loss here #like I know if I see a scorpion to just catch it in a jar and put it outside #but there aren't scorpions here #I know if we end up using the poison I'm going to cry because my heart is a stupid fucking marshmallow #I wish there was like a little mouse sign you could make that said “don't come in here or you will die” so it would just leave #or I could talk to it and tell it that #but alas I can't actually talk to animals

[reamed]

ya know what I’m deciding not to give a shit if my job doesn’t like me missing work bcuz I’m in agonizing pain

#txt #it is what it is #fuck it we ball #like idk what else to do #and it really erks me that my boss thinks she has the right to tell me I need to go to the doctor #because bitch I’ve been all my life I’ve been misdiagnosed with stomach viruses utis and it’s never that #I’m not risking being misdiagnosed again. I’m waiting for my gyno appointment bcuz it has fucking everything to do with my period/reproduct #REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS #like hire more people if it’s such a loss when I’m gone ?????? #don’t fucking text me telling me that “As a mom I’d tell my kid to go to the doctor😇 as if my parents aren’t fully aware of the pain I’m in #and have been fully aware since I was 10 years old #I know what’s going on bitch I don’t need to waste money at a walk in clinic for them to tell me I have a uti or my stomach is just hurting #u think jus fucking about with this shit. no I plan for this every month. usually it’s not terrible. this month has been hell #there’s nothing I can do to avoid it. I take meds and they barely do anything #i deserve to rest bcuz I’ve been busting my ass this year and last through this pain #i can afford to miss a few days off work. sorry yall can’t #I’m sorry for ranting this had jus been an issue my whole life. they used to grill me as a kid at school for missing #and it reminds me of that so much and it makes me feel like a child again #being told It’s JuSt period CrAmpS just TakE medicine #meanwhile I’m literally puking from pain #meanwhile my insides feel like they are blistering and on fire and my lower body is being yanked to the floor #ok sowwy I’m gonna go cry about it now

[trans-axolotl]

having the worst fucking night and i need to scream + i want to fight someone so bad rn i need to just like. get this out of my system jesus christ

#personal #vent #had an actually terrible day at work. im so stressed i cannot sit still #so much shit has happened today i can't even get into it! fuck my suprevisor so much #i'm so fucking mad. #literally i need to just. aaaaaaaaa

[quietwingsinthesky]

oh, yeah, another thing i noticed that was odd about s5 in comparison to earlier seasons was how much they relied on like. not the history of the doctor, exactly, but the image of that history. whether from little easter eggs of the first doctor’s picture popping up everywhere to i think the two(?) times in the season we get a montage of past doctors. and i honestly can’t remember anything like that happening earlier (with the exception of the time crash short, which felt more substantial to me and was also like. 7 straight minutes of david tennant being allowed to fangirl.)

and i say ‘the image’ because hell knows the RTD era was pulling from doctor who past left, right, and center, but it rarely felt like a moment of ‘look at this old thing, you remember old thing? old thing was cool and so are we for continuing it.’ and more like ‘here’s a species/character/etc from classic who. and here’s how they’ve changed and fit into the new world we’ve built for the show.’

I guess, the difference here for me is that. i haven’t watched classic who. s5 shows me a slideshow of doctors and to me, those are the guys i once ranked by how sexy i think they are. and not much else. i don’t have an emotional connection to an image. but take, say, school reunion? an episode that was my favorite even back when i was a kid specifically because i adored sarah jane? i had no idea who she was then, i only just figured out a little bit ago which doctor she traveled with, and exclusively all i’ve watched of her is that episode in s2 and the sarah jane adventures. and yet, that episode, without the context there for me, managed to make sense to me. i’m sure it was probably even more impactful to fans of sarah jane from classic who, but it didn’t lose its impact without that knowledge.

so, that’s a shift. i don’t want to say it’s a negative one, exactly, because maybe people who have seen classic who like these references and i’m missing something. but, to me, it feels a little more shallow.

#sorry if i kept talking about sarah jane and school reunion we’d be here all day. her reintroduction to nuwho is phenomenal. #even without classic who. you get it. you get what the doctor did to her. you understand how much it hurt her. by giving her time with rose #we’re able to use what we know about rose to parallel her with sarah jane and infer that sarah jane was a lot like her once. it’s good! #and seeing pictures of the first doctor is like. very funny because he’s a silly little guy. but i don’t know that man. #but yeah. another example i’d put out there is Dalek. and yes everyone loves dalek we all know its good. but. without the context of classic #who. this was the choice of how to reintroduce the daleks to the audience. not as silly tin can killing machine. but as this. this wretched #and pitiable thing that dies to see the sunlight. this monster that is. in its last moments. capable of change. however small. #(a theme that i think links up well to evolution of the daleks in s3. i think its interesting how we’re invited to see the daleks first as #beings that have had a great and terrible injustice done to them. (in episode: the dalek being chained up and tortured. in a wider context: #how daleks are made at all.) before we’re introduced to them as a galaxy-wide threat intent on inflicting that same suffering on the rest of #the universe.) #MY POINT IS: nuwho and classic who mix well when the classic who elements are reintroduced in a way that makes sense both for people with #the back knowledge of classic who (and maybe they get even more out of it) while ALSO makign sense to people who’ve only seen nuwho. #anyway. this is a small thing its far from like. a show-ruining point. its literally fine lol. #doctor who #dw lb

[jewishfalin]

There is a very specific sort of antisemitism that is seemingly common in mental health facilities and its fucking terrifying

#the last 2 times ive been in a mental hospital it was always the most visibly jewish person who got targeted by nurses #and i happened to be the most visibly jewish person in a psychward the last time #its like. the 1st time there were more jewish people in there and the one of us who got it the worst was an older woman with bipolar disord #and like. many of us who noticed how terrible she was getting treated had to tell staff off multiple times #like wtf stop u r literally just poking her with a stick at this point trying to get her to have a meltdown so u have an excuse #to lock her away #it was so fucked #and the rest of us jews in there were like... slightly more stable enough to ignore the taunting from staff #like they'd find the smallest shit to get on our asses about or tell us we're being delusional abt things out of nowhere #like they tried to get a rise out of us specifically so they could frame us as crazy and neurotic when we get frustrated #and the last time i had the mosfortune of being the 1 of 2 jews who was visible and very unstable #i was made sick by nurses on purpose and then gaslit when i was up all night vomiting #i had to be given an injection and sedated the next day just so i would stop projectile vomiting all over my room #i had multiple seizures and they told.me i was throwing myself on the floor #they did things to make me break on purpose #and they did it to others to but #it was different w how they did it to me? #and when they didn't let me go to the main eating area bc i kept fainting/seizing they ordered me shit with pork when i have kosher diet #it was fucked and i know this is a problem #its a problem in outpatient too #i ended up homeless for like a year bc an antisemitic counselor fucked me over #vent

[frecklystars]

i know nobody is online rn to read this but ;-; i gotta get it off my chest i love ken so much he means everything to me he's making me so happy and i've needed him so so so bad. he's brought me comfort when my ptsd has been so fucking unbearable and every time i'm having a crying fit over losing my tf f/os or every time i'm having a flashback i ALWAYS immediately IMMEDIATELY think about him rushing to my side, holding me and saying "hey hey it's okay, i'm here, i'm right here" and it's such a relief because i haven't been able to genuinely wholeheartedly believe any character would be willing to do that for me the entire time i've been struggling this year.

i've never gone so long without comfort from f/os, much less being triggered by the ones who used to comfort me the most. so to have barbie and ken right now is like the biggest wave of relief every single day when i wake up and the hyperfixation is still there. sometimes i will literally close my eyes and sigh in relief when i hear a song and my first thought is sebastian or ken or six or... whomever. i love being in love again. i NEED this. i love waking up and my first thought isn't my trauma most of the time now, it's ken. or it's six. or it's barbie. or it's harley. or it's officer k. or it's... yeah you get it. i needed these characters so fucking badly. every time i see a gifset and get excited over it, i feel a rush of gratitude bc self shipping has always been the glue holding me together. it doesn't feel as intense or strong as the SB musical or TF used to make me feel but i am not picky. not at all. i will take anything and i'm praying this lasts for at LEAST another few weeks please

i may not be at a sense of peace right now and i dont know when i ever will be, it could be years, but im so. so. so. so so so thankful to have these characters right now when i've needed someone so badly for so long. i hope ken knows how much i love him ;-; i hope barbie knows how much she has helped me, has saved me from one of my major triggers and has helped me to love and feel safe around the color pink again. i wish they could see me when i'm not so broken but i'm glad they're here even when i'm at my worst, i'm glad they still love me even when they deserve to see me in a much better light

#it feels so fucking terrible not celebrating my bday with my starlight. i used to buy myself cakes and put his figurine next to them #i mean i still have... a little bit over one week... i cant... let it pass by without him being involved somehow #so i might make a quick vent doodle and queue it for the actual day of my bday #i refuse to not draw myself with him at least once for my special day #its not like we 'broke up' or anything but fuck it feels so bad #he's a literal fucking ptsd trigger. how fucking insane is that #im still in shock. im still in shock over what happened to me like i cant fucking believe it #wearing his necklace makes me cry so i just leave it on my dresser #that shouldnt be normal!!!! #but im hoping that shipping with barbie/ken is going to help me feel like i can reclaim control over my ships #bc my abuser made me feel like... i had no control over my TF ships whatsoever for a solid year #so now that i'm finally free of that toxicity i'm still shakily trying to learn how to ship again #i'll have moments where i'll worry ken will try to hurt me on purpose bc im so used to my abuser telling me how abusive any f/o would be #but then i tell myself 'hey what the fuck. this is MY story. NOBODY would abuse me i dont care WHO they are' #but it's so hard to unlearn several months of abuse 😔 #and even harder to look at a character who i invested so much time and energy and money into #my voice clips. my cameos. all of my steve blum autographs. my art for steve. all of it feels sad and numbing #not just stsc but everyone in any TF universe feels like... a threat and i get panic attacks when i see very specific characters sometimes #its awful. it hurts so bad. i love ken so much. but nothing compares to what i had with my TF comfort characters #but it's okay bc... ken is holding my hand and he might not understand ptsd at all but he can still squeeze me tight #and six HAS c-ptsd he GETS it. and he's there to hold me when my nightmares make me fall apart. he's my rock #vent #ptsd #sorry it's 5am i had a bad nightmare and now i refuse to sleep again #i fucking hate ptsd i fucking hate living like this i rly wish i knew how to cure myself #im exercising im eating and drinking often im sleeping as much as i can #theres only so much i can do #when does it get better?? when the fuck does it get better? im serious. not rhetorical. when does this finally heal #i dont even know if im healing or if im just distracted... but fuck ill take anything

[stellerssong]

For the Fan Fic Writer Asks: 9 and/or 10

9—do you write every day? if you wrote today, share a sentence of what you’ve written!

this is actually the only piece of writing advice or technique that’s ever worked for me and my swiss-cheesed brain: somehow i managed to convince myself, in the depths of a very bad creative injury, that Increasing The Fucking Thing by a sentence, just a few words, every single day, counts on some nebulous cosmic scale as Increasing The Fucking Thing, and therefore has value. this is why my creative output is so [wiggly hand gesture] in terms of quantity, but hey, This One Weird Trick has kept me in the game for some years now when i would otherwise have quit, so we’ll call it a good thing overall. Doctors Hate Her!

here is my contribution to the cosmic scale today, in screenshot format because moving the annoying formatting from my notes app to any other rich text field is, as previously stated, annoying. and yes, i am definitely looking forward to having to reformat this entire fucking fic line-by-line when it is uploaded to ao3 (lying) (lying so hard) (was looking at another section last night and just experiencing profound despair)

10—is there a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

something that is true in every single fandom ever is that you will publish a high-effort longfic that you poured your heart and soul into and people will be like “meh” and then you will publish an off-the-cuff gag ficlet that you barfed out in a day and a half and people will come crawling out of cracks in your walls to tell you this is the FUNNIEST and SMARTEST thing you’ve EVER written and OMG PLEASE WRITE MORE LIKE THIS and then you will be like. how did you get in my house. please get out of my house. i didn’t even go to the effort of looking up Finnish syntax and sentence construction for this fic i’m an EMBARRASSMENT. STOP CRAWLING AROUND IN MY CABINETRY

to that point, and to the original question: “we’ve got the power now, motherfuckers” has far and away received the most enthusiastic response of anything i’ve posted for Control (2019) fandom. and part of that might be because i did dash it off without taking myself overly seriously, and part of that might’ve been a fandom actually getting interested in a fic centered around a major character who up until that point largely hadn’t been utilized in fic, and idk maybe i actually did better than i thought i did in terms of mimicking the style of the in-game lore collectibles…but also y’all. please. “laterna magica” and “barren face, desert eyes” are better. like objectively. you are tearing me apart Lisa

#chatter #ask games #@wfl the screenshot is the evanescence fic by the way! it is a crossover. i'm terribly sorry you had to find out like this. #but perhaps this is better than if i'd tagged you and you'd opened up the fic proper and been like ''who the fuck is ALAN'' #he's literally just some guy. don't worry about it. i know i don't! #anyway shoutout to my fellow dark mode/reversi girlies. the other day i switched pt back to light mode just as an experiment #and i like literally yelled and recoiled from my screen #it burns us precious.....................

[dykemerrilll]

re lrb in any case to me astarion’s arc is less about regaining agency than becoming aware that he already has it and has to act like that. there's a distinction between agency as a material fact, ie having the ability in theory to make your own decisions and act on your desires, and the awareness of having that agency.

i'm no psychologist, but in my experience one of the most helpful steps in recovering from mental illness has been the awareness of my own agency ─ yes, sometimes I feel as though my life is completely run by my intrusive thoughts, but invariably getting out of that place has involved a recognition that ultimately, I am the one in control of my thoughts and I have the agency to work through them. that doesn't mean that it isn't hard, or time-consuming, and sometimes I don't succeed in the way I'd like, but nonetheless the ability to at least try is and always has been in my power.

in baldur's gate 3, your companions appear with varying degrees of agency (aside, obviously, from the tadpole they all share). they range from gale, whose current situation physically and magically restricts him but who at that moment in time doesn't have many other immediate restrictions on his day-to-day actions, to wyll, whose every move is watched by his abusive warlck patron.

nonetheless, your companions benefit from being shown that they not only could have agency at some point in the future, if they break their pact/shar's curse/free cazador/free orpheus/fix the infernal engine/get the crown of karsus, but they have agency now and must therefore use it responsibly. wyll is already to some degree aware of this, i think, even if it's only because he is so morally forthright ─ he's one of your companions who remains actively trapped by their abuser during the game, yet he refuses to kill karlach because he knows that would be wrong. even within his severely limited circumstances, he makes a choice, he demonstrates agency. in the shadowfell, shadowheart ─ a cult victim subjected to extreme psychological and religious abuse ─ has the choice whether or not to kill aylin, and can make it either way.

astarion, at the point at which you meet him, has just been given freedom for the first time in, essentially, his life. it's no surprise that he doesn't know what to do with thise newfound agency, and doesn't recognise it for what it is, given that he literally cannot remember ever having control over his own life. that's deeply tragic, but it doesn't erase the fact that he has control over the things he does during the game. those actions (for example, given i am still talking about that last rb, talking about the children he kidnapped and gave to cazador as though they were nothing), are things he has agency over and is responsible for. nonetheless, he acts as though he does not, lurching from one attempt to gain power to another (killing the druids to suggesting you use whatever's in moonrise to your advantage), because his own self-perception as someone completely powerless is so overwhelming. he must accrue power because that is the only way he can make sure he's safe and can never be hurt again. it's just that that self-perception is not completely accurate, he does have agency; if he makes choices that result in moral wrongs, those moral wrongs are his to bear.

i'm not getting at astarion here, I don't mean to imply that he's at fault for this attitude. it is, obviously, the natural response to 200 years of enslavement and abuse. kind of the whole point of the game, of all of your companions' quests, is that if people are hurt and abused often they will feel as though their only avenue towards power is to do the same to others. but being severely traumatised doesn't make his behaviour okay; he doesn't get a free pass to do whatever he wants because of cazador. you can like him, literally who am i to say otherwise (i like him too!), but don't just excuse everything he does or get rid of the most interesting parts of his character because you're unwilling to grapple with the fact that as it stands in the game, he's morally incredibly complex.

i think there's a tendency to assume that a character either must or must not have agency, and to present it as a binary, because for some reason it's used as a shorthand for moral culpability, when in reality the relationship between agency and culpability is significantly more complicated. i haven't really been getting into coerced choices here because that's a whole other kettle of fish (though i will give the necessary disclaimer that my stance on this is quite clearly influenced by the fact that deep down i'm a bit of a virtue ethicist). nonetheless, while this is my pop philosophy take and i'm not trying to impose this overall moral framework on people, i think it's pretty reasonable to say that lack of agency does not mean that what you did was not wrong.

implying that astarion is at fault here would be indicative of the very attitude I am trying to oppose ─ the idea that people either have agency or don't, and if they do bad things with agency they are evil, but if they don't have agency they are victims. astarion is both ─ he is the victim of horrendous, harrowing trauma and yet he has done bad things and in fact visited that same trauma upon other people. there's no escaping this, and i think it would be bad for astarion to just brush everything he did for cazador under the rug because he did it for cazador. he still did those things ─ he might not be culpable, i do not think he can be considered as such, but there's no way you go through all of that and don't feel guilty for it.

notably, if shadowheart kills aylin and wyll kills karlach (if he can? i actually don't even know if he can do that, but hypothetically), they are still responsible for that action and it was still morally wrong. they have to deal with that: part of dealing with it can be to recognise the coercion they were subject to, but the fact that they lacked agency doesn't just erase the wrong or mean it was never wrong in the first place. likewise, astarion becoming the ascended vampire is still obviously a terrible thing to happen for him and everyone else, and is in no way justified just because it might finally give him the sense of safety and control he craves. the whole point of that moment is that even when he is being retraumatised, when he has returned to the place and person that hurt him, astarion has the capacity to choose, and to choose the right thing. acting as though his trauma means he has absolutely no agency whatsoever and so never has to address the fact that he can, at various points, greatly fuck up, just removes one of the biggest themes of his whole character.

tldr: astarion has agency, one of his greatest challenges is realising that he does and that he must use it responsibly, and acting as though that is not the case does a disservice to his character and the story it is trying to tell. also it is deeply deeply boring. the end.

#bg3 #i logged into tumblr on my laptop to type this out instead of learning how to use a pivot table #hence the abrupt change in capitalising I #i keep going on about this because it's a general attitude towards trauma and mental illness that drives me completely up the wall #yes life is hard yeah you gotta take steps to make that better #yeah thats tricky. sorry. gotta be done though #anyway i could literally talk about this all day like. gale or lae'zel and agency is a WHOLE thing and i could rant about those two for day #but this is getting too long as it is #also obligatory disclaimer that this is in no way a commentary on anyone's gameplay #im not trying to do a 'omg if u ascend astarion you're a terrible horrible person forever' or anything #i think it's great and fun that you can do that and explore his character that way #this is directed at people who just try to make him like uwu traumatised little baby who has never had any agency ever #in his whole entire life #and so cannot be morally responsible for any action he has ever taken

[talentforlying]

sometimes i get caught up in constantine's old man era and forget that by issue 9 of hellblazer he was only 35 years old. fuckin introduced the guardian of the green to the world of magic, helped stop the crisis on infinite earths, defeated a centuries-old wizard cult, saved new york from a hunger demon, and lost most of his friends before he turned 35. and then everything he's done and gone through in the 35 years since? god damn.

#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS. #like yes he Has been going through it from day one. yes he's had a truly Terrible ride and been through literal hell #BUT ALSO. my guy STUDIED HIS WAY into STOPPING APOCALYPSES before he was in his mid-thirties LIKE????? #he's GOOD at this shit. he's ALWAYS been good at this shit #and yeah he's also been ABSURDLY lucky but oh my fucking god. he's been trying to save lives for over half his own life #dedicated his existence to saving the world. he can say it's for selfish reasons all he wants but BRO. #i love him. i care him.

[quirkle2]

i wish i wouldn't do this to myself. why do i buy games on steam and then not play them for a while and then hate them and request a refund way outside of the refund time window

#qktalks #this is about sonic frontiers . imso fucking sorry #the game LOOKED awesome it looked fun. the beginning is terrible i feel pained to even say it #feels clunky. won't stop FUCKING bothering you with tutorials #killed the first boss and the game literally said ''hey it dropped something. that's important btw. pick it up. don't forget to pick it up' #i am playing a video game. what else am i going to do. #it definitely feels like breath of the wild if it constantly bothered u like every ten feet with reminders #imso sorry sonic frontiers. u had sm potential. u Have so much. i am simply a whiny bitch #also the game looks . surprisingly bad ? #i thought it would look a lot better. it doesn't look shitty by any means but it also doesn't .....look good #the voice acting at the beginning too leaves ...smth to be desired #i have a mutual (hi parker) who loves sonic parker if ur reading this im on my hands and knees begging for forgiveness /silly #this is my first sonic game so maybe it was just not the best first choice ? idk #still love u sonic ur a silly little guy #actually the refund window is 14 days and i've had the game for 16 days ......... so maybe i can still make it #maybe . idk #steam please . i got it on sale i got it half off please just give me my $30 back.im hungry steam #<- lives with her parents and does not buy the food

[gingerbreadmonsters]

sleepy and v fed up w this blasted reading for japanese history class tomorrow. give me 45 minutes to finish this article and i will be back to talk about kissing or something

#for the blissfully uninitiated: hello i am history student #which is a fantastic thing to be but also a significant pain in the [REDACTED] when it wants to be #the professor for this class is almost unbearably terrible which does not exactly make me WANT to do this reading #but the exam is in like 2 weeks lol #so yk. i have the hardest life of anyone on earth etc etc #god forbid i actually do the degree i asked to do lmao #also i up early this morning to drag myself to the immigration bureau for a visa amendment #which meant a decidedly unpleasant hour on the metro during rush hour :( #its bc im applying for this english TA position in spring #its literally only for 5 days and tbh i wouldn't mind doing it for free bc i am sad like that and enjoy teaching for fun #but it IS paid - and paid work is Not Allowed under my student visa #so even though i literally have not even GOT the job (applications close today) i still had to go and apply for permission to work #watch as they dont hire me lol #oh i should mention - for those who may not know i am in tokyo this year #i am british and i usually go to uni in the uk but im on a study abroad year this year #i came to japan in sept of 2023 so ive been here for coming up on 5 months and i will be going back home in august on 2024 #its weird to think that im approaching the halfway point #tbh i should really just make this a separate post but whatever #coming to japan has been very strange but a good thing i think