#i just have 3 million more art fight refs to go | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

melodyofthevoid · 1 year

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I posted 7,486 times in 2022

1,035 posts created (14%)

6,451 posts reblogged (86%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@elytrians

@lindendragon

@dana-chan-the-control-brain

@ai-dont-care

@thel3tterm

I tagged 3,318 of my posts in 2022

#melody rambles - 1,069 posts

#ocean idiots - 505 posts

#invader zim - 463 posts

#friend art - 294 posts

#zib - 161 posts

#my writing - 100 posts

#ask meme - 67 posts

#zadr - 66 posts

#yeah - 66 posts

#ref - 55 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#and sometimes the larger a project gets the more unrealistic the expectations on those working on it to the point where no one's having fun

My Top Posts in 2022:

Ocean Idiots Masterpost

Hello hello lore enthusiasts and newcomers alike! I finally am getting around to organizing all of this so here we go!

Lore Slideshow

Art

The-Trashiest-Pada

Merfolk Lore

The Sailor Who Fought Back

If She Fits She Sits

Teef

The Deep Blue

Delta’s Crew

Don’t Starve Ocean Idiots

Family Reunion

Bebe Delta

more bebe

Ab Bab

Ascension and Aftermath

Freya and Argo

April fools Bitches

Squish

Heather is A Bitch™

Entranced

On Deck

Shandzii

Various doodles

Larus

Mariza and Delta

Samira Ref

Mariza Ref

Larus Ref

See the full post

242 notes - Posted April 29, 2022

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HOLY GOD! Ok, this project launched back in... October of 2020 and it’s here. Huge and never ending thanks go out to everyone involved in this project, I’ll credit all those I can. Please know that you all mean the world to me and the fact you did this... I was close to tears man, genuinely. This world, and I know I’ve said it a million times, is my baby, and that you all did this... fuck. It just makes me unimaginably happy. Thank you.

Please give your appreciation and love to the wonderful artists who made this possible, and support them where you can. They all did an amazing job.

@shandzii

@thefurriestofchows

@the-trashiest-panda

@buttonpastel

@snugglecat453

@paujama

@rainbott

@emositecc

@malibubandit

@rollermatsu

For those not on Tumblr but are in the video: Kat, Silverkapa, Pinkie, Squishy squid, thank you.

394 notes - Posted January 13, 2022

After much anticipation, it is here. The official slideshow of Ocean Idiots Lore! Thanks go to @shandzii and @the-trashiest-pada for all the art! Again, if y’all have any questions feel free to ask! I just may take a minute to get to it. Also you know. Spoiler stuff.

459 notes - Posted April 27, 2022

509 notes - Posted July 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

6! Preferably for Mariza and Delta but you can do whoever you want

"I missed you... a lot"

It'd taken a good deal of time for Mariza and Delta's... relationship to even out after Mariza's ascension.

It'd taken the half desperate pleadings of someone far too exhausted to keep up a one sided fight for it to stop, a fire no longer fueled by oxygen left to smolder. Then they were left with what remained, a goddess who didn't know who she was, and a pirate who remembered everything but didn't know where to start.

So they started anyway, because when had they ever planned for anything?

The bottom of the ocean, contrary to the superstitions of sailors who'd never so much as swam a reef, was far more lively than an eternal quiet. Just because the cool depths only contained the echoes of humans didn't mean they were devoid of life, only human life. Though for some that didn't make a difference. It made the perfect spot for a mer and the embodiment of the ocean to sit and watch the world go by, the occasional curious fish swimming around Mariza's torso and extra limbs, weaving in and out as though the goddess were nothing but coral.

"Guess they like 'ya huh?"

Delta laughed as the guppy darted away from Mariza's claws, the goddess unable to contain a small chuckle of her own.

"Well, they know better than to be near a shark. I think they want me to protect them from you."

"Right, because I'm the more deadly of the two of us, you're ridiculous."

"I dunno," Mariza smiled impishly, "Those teeth of yours are pretty sharp."

"Mari. I've seen you bite boats in half. Come on."

Delta whacked Mariza with her fin, enough to push her forward, but no further than that. Of course, retaliation was swift, and those same tendrils that were a fish's playground wrapped around Delta's tail and hoisted her vertical, then in a loop. The cycle continued until both were cackling messes, throwing small handfuls of sand in each others' direction as they wheezed.

"Ha- haha- Can't believe you're this easily winded. Aren't you supposed to be a god?"

"Yeah well- I'm still- still getting used to it. It's not like I'm laughing all that much around Samira."

Ah, that pleasant company. Surely a more jovial presence you couldn't find.

"No kidding. I can't say that I've laughed this hard in a while either. I missed this."

Cold regret seeped into the waters around them. For what it was worth, Mariza tried to give a sarcastic half smile, though it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Did you now?"

Too late to pretend she didn't mean it now.

"I did. I missed you... a lot. When you slipped under the water... Thought I'd never see you again. But hey, lucky me, right?"

"Lucky that I didn't end up sinking you when you came up and hugged me out of the blue."

"Hey! How was I supposed to know you had all the memory of a brain-dead sunfish left?"

"Brain dead- HEY!"

The bickering continued, but Delta couldn't help the smile that clung to her face each time Mariza let out that laugh of hers, or looked away for a brief moment.

She really was lucky, huh?

It stung she still missed her, sometimes.

1,082 notes - Posted January 20, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #man I sure rambled a lot #lmao #Youtube

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iscream4clones · 4 years

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Hello my absolutely stunning, gorgeous, talented, wonderful followers!! There is now 200+ of you and I am BROKEN.

My blog is like…. 8? 9? Weeks old??? Never in a million years would I have believed someone if they told me I would make it this far with so much support.

There’s literally so much I want to say to all of you. How I made this blog during a really difficult time in my life and I was met with nothing but positivity and support. How I often go back and read your lovely comments and feedback on my work to make my days better. How much I love seeing you all share your wonderful creativity in so many different forms. How my list of fics to read is literally endless because y’all are just so talented and I want to drown in it.

I could get endlessly sappy but I’m just going to get right to it and show all the plans I have to show my appreciation for all of you.

Honestly I had so many ideas for a follower celebration, and I really thought I was set on one…. But then I decided I want all of you to decide what you want!

First voting group: Clone content! Please vote for ONE in this group AND one for the second group! Your vote will help me decide on what I am going to put most of my energy and focus on for the time being. Feedback or comments on the content is allowed, but I will attribute one vote per person.

Hozier inspired Wolffe x Reader fic (which may turn into multiple chapters! But I can’t 100% promise this): by choosing this, it means you want me to focus solely on writing this fic. This will mean less overall content from me as I focus most of my attention to this one.

Drabble parties: drabble parties will be like rapid fire drabbles… I will make a post signifying they are open, and I will answer as many drabble requests as possible within a certain time limit. Everything I do not get to will be deleted, however there may be one lucky request that I will keep to turn into a longer drabble, headcannons, or even a full fic! I might also combine the remaining requests to make one big fic)

Soft Fives collection: essentially I will just write a collection of very soft fics/drabbles/hcs for Fives only

Soft Rex collection: essentially I will just write a collection of very soft fics/drabbles/hcs for Rex only

Crack smut: I’ve never written smut in my life, and I’m asexual. I will make an attempt to write smut for a clone of my choosing and it will be horrible and probably not enjoyable. Or it could turn out to be wonderfully steamy? No one will know until it’s done.

Second voting group: Miscellaneous content! When I’m not working on clone content, this is the second thing I will be bringing my attention to. Again feedback is welcome especially for this grouping, and might be weighted more than the actual votes. However, still please only vote for ONE.

More poetry: not much to say here, I’ll just focus on writing and posting more poetry

Being asexual in a sexual fandom: I’ve actually tried to write this a few times but my thoughts are scattered. If this is voted for I will just make sure to take time and organize my thoughts

Content about my OC, Neiza: This will probably be a mix of things like character refs, maybe some artwork, picrews of her, headcannons, fics, or drabbles. Might also include “interview hour” where you can ask me questions about Neiza during that time.

Padme and a self conscious reader going shopping drabble/fic: this idea randomly came to me one day and I thought it would be fun!

Suicide awareness month mental health support/my story/tips/coping mechanisms/etc.: Really this sounds weird, but by selecting this I would essentially write a short success story about my struggles and successes with fighting depression and suicide with hopes that it could help people. I do have a psychology degree so I will probably include some interesting viewpoints from a clinical/educational standpoint rather than just my own feelings and recollections of events. Being open about mental health is important and I am very willing to share my experiences if it shows people it’s ok to talk about themselves and their struggles openly.

Art: I could just… post some of my art. And maybe start making more of it. Give me an excuse to buy paint and materials

How to vote: comment on this post, send me a message, an ask, or talk to me on discord. Voting will end whenever I feel I have enough votes, but I will definitely announce a date when that time gets close.

Now that the business is all over, time to share some additional love <3

Special shout out to my lovely clone hoes whom I literally love with all my being. I can’t express how much I adore and cherish all of you and I love you all SO MUCH:

@bad-batch-of-fics @lizzyolanda1966 @captainrexisboo @your-clone-boyfriend

And some love and appreciate for some mutuals/followers who always support my work <3 I see you and I love you:

@simping-for-fives @nelba @the-mandalorian-clone-lover @anakinswhore @ahsokatano-thetogruta @icanbringyouincold @jyvorakal @fiveshotsofjager @ollovaemisc @kote-ko @javorszarvas6 @000ayfh @leias-left-hair-bun and everyone else I forgot to tag! I tried to go through my activity but it is a mess.

I literally cannot express how much I appreciate every single one of you, followers and mutuals, and for all of the support and kindness you have shown. You’re all absolutely precious and deserve the world. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart <3

#allison is screaming #200 followers #200 follower celebration

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mostlysignssomeportents · 4 years

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Pluralistic: 29 Feb 2020 (EFF dream-job, Medicare For All Bond Villain, Bloomberg's Sackler connection, Tory housing crisis and more!)

Today's links

EFF is hiring a new tech projects director: It's a once-in-a-lifetime dream job.

Bond villain monologue, Medicare for All edition: "No, Mr Bond, I expect you to sign a binding arbitration waiver."

FUCK TRUMP AND HIS STUPID FUCKING WALL: A 26% alcohol habanero spirit from Empirical Spirits.

Mike Bloomberg helped the Sacklers launder their reputations: Just helping out the "Friends of Mike."

Bernie Sanders is the only candidate with a climate plan as big as the climate crisis: No one ever asked how we'd pay for WWII.

Cutting the UK housing subsidy led to massive homelessness payouts: Tories are always swallowing spiders to catch their flies.

This day in history: 2012, 2016 (leap years!)

Colophon: Recent publications, current writing projects, upcoming appearances, current reading

EFF is hiring a new tech projects director (permalink)

There are lots of ways techies can help EFF – contributing code to our projects like Certbot, Privacy Badger and HTTPS Everywhere and/or joining up and writing a check. But right now, there's a rare chance to work directly to make profound change with us.

That's because EFF is hiring a Tech Projects Director.

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/02/eff-seeks-tech-projects-director-lead-awesome-technical-team-and-help-us-save

It's a huge gig, the kind of thing that only comes up once in a very long while. You don't just get to oversee the impressive roster of EFF projects, you also get to set future priorities.

"Some people join EFF having been burned by unfeeling tech companies or corporate law jobs, and coming to EFF can feel like coming home – a place where everyone genuinely wants you to be successful, where we do our best to leave drama at the door even as passion is welcomed."

I've been with the org for EIGHTEEN YEARS and this is so, so true.

Even if you're not right for this gig, keep checking in with our help wanted page.

https://www.eff.org/about/opportunities/jobs

We're growing fast, first because the world is severely messed up, and second because our member-donors recognize how well situated we are to make a difference and they're funding us to expand.

Bond villain monologue, Medicare for All edition (permalink)

We're all familiar with the Bond villain setup: "Mr. Bond, I see you've ingested my poison."

But what follows in Matt Haughey's "Monologuing" is a fabulous satirical take on the Medicare For All moment.

https://a.wholelottanothing.org/2020/02/28/monologuing/

"No, Mr Bond, I expect you to…"

Locate in-network doctors on our website

Cross-reference with the benefits PDF you were sent last month

Create a login

Verify your last three home addresses

(before the poison hits)

Call your doctor and agree to see a physician's assistant so you can get treatment in less than 3 week

Agree to a $100 urgent-care co-pay

Pay $1200 for the ambulance to the ER

"Do you expect me to talk?"

"No, I expect you to continue to wait on hold because your call is very important to us and may be monitored for quality assurance purposes."

FUCK TRUMP AND HIS STUPID FUCKING WALL (permalink)

"FUCK TRUMP AND HIS STUPID FUCKING WALL" is "a habanero spirit made from a base of pearled barley, Belgian saison yeast, and koji. The clear product is rectified with a habanero vinegar that gives it a 27% ABV. This imparts an intensely fruity habanero profile without any of the heat."

It actually sounds delicious.

https://us.empiricalspirits.co/products/fuck-trump-and-his-stupid-fucking-wall

It's $85 plus $35 S+H in the USA for 750ml.

Serving suggestion: "With red grapefruit juice, topped with sparkling water and cornichon as garnish"

I'm a little bummed that they take out the capsaicin, as I love spicy booze.

My current favorite is a spicy, sugar-free Old Fashioned:

2 shakes Hellfire bitters 2 shakes Angostura bitters 1 jigger decent bourbon Orange zest (wipe over rim, squeeze into glass, then drop in the drink) Serve over a whiskey rock in a lowball glass

Mike Bloomberg helped the Sacklers launder their reputations (permalink)

The Sackler family became some of the world's richest billionaires through the actions of the family business, Purdue Pharma, which committed a string of felonies as it conspired to addict the world to its killer opioid, Oxycontin. The company's bribery of doctors, scientific frauds, and corruption of its regulators allowed it to kickstart the opioid epidemic, which has so far claimed 200,000 US lives, more than were lost in Vietnam.

And yet, until very recently, the Sackler family was primarily known for its art philanthropy, firehosing its money and name over some of the world's most prominent art institutions. As the family's role in corporate mass murder came to light, artists demanded that institutions remove the Sackler name. It worked! Nan Goldin's stunt of showering the Guggenheim with Sackler opioid prescriptions was just one of many amazing actions.

https://www.newyorker.com/news/our-columnists/nan-goldin-leads-a-protest-at-the-guggenheim-against-the-sackler-family

The Louvre also removed every mention of the Sacklers from its spaces.

https://www.france24.com/en/20190721-sackler-name-removed-louvre-opioid-crisis-france?ref=tw_i

But you know who DIDN'T ditch the Sacklers as they were becoming social pariahs? Guess who expressed rock solid billionaire class solidarity with the poor, beleaguered plutes when their reputation laundry failed them?

Mike Bloomberg, of course!

As @propublica reports, when the Sacklers worried about their collapsing reputations, they knew who to turn to: the ex-mayor whose return to his news organization meant that reporters who chased billionaires were sidelined.

https://www.propublica.org/article/bloomberg-sacklers-opioid-crisis-public-relations

While Bloomberg had been mayor, his newsroom created a "billionaires team" that investigated the doings of the super-rich, including the "Friends of Mike" (FOMs) whom everyone understood to be untouchable under Bloomberg's management.

Upon his return, he heaped scorn upon these investigative reporters: "Why is that news? Why do we have to probe into that stuff?" Mike's return to the newsroom created "a culture of not wanting to upset billionaires."

So naturally the Sacklers turned to him! And Bloomberg obliged. After meeting with Mortimer Sackler, Bloomberg gave the Sacklers crisis communications advice and helped them his old mayoral press secretary, Stu Loeser. According to Bloomberg, Loeser was perfect because of his new communications company's "political instincts and deep connections."

Loeser went on to work with the Sacklers as they pushed out the story that opioid addiction was the fault of weak-willed criminal addicts, not corporate drug-pushers.

Loeser now works as a Bloomberg presidential campaign spokesman.

With Bloomberg's help, the Sacklers were able to continue to leverage their philanthropic donations to shore up their reputations, particularly by embarking on joint projects with Bloomberg Philanthropies. Bloomberg posed with Sackler heiresses at the opening of the Sackler Wing of London's Serpentine Gallery (which eventually took the Sackler name off the building), and then served as chair of the Serpentine Sackler Galleries.

His news organization ran multiple, glowing stories about the Sacklers' generosity, and continued to work closely with the Sackler families, even as they were committing a string of crimes.

For example, money laundry to the tune of billions.

https://www.reuters.com/article/us-purduepharma-bankruptcy/sacklers-reaped-up-to-13-billion-from-oxycontin-maker-u-s-states-say-idUSKBN1WJ19V

Fraudulent misrepresentations of the company's role in the opioid epidemic.

https://www.propublica.org/article/data-touted-by-oxycontin-maker-to-fight-lawsuits-doesnt-tell-the-whole-story#167506

And giving some of the weirdest, most risible, most terrible testimony in the history of corporate criminal depositions.

https://arstechnica.com/science/2019/02/sackler-behind-oxycontin-fraud-offered-twisted-mind-boggling-defense/

Just more Friends of Mike!

Bernie Sanders is the only candidate with a climate plan as big as the climate crisis (permalink)

The climate crisis is an existential threat to our species (and many other species besides). It turns out that Keynes was more prescient that we knew. He proposed that you could start an economy by paying half the unemployed to dig holes and the other half to fill them in. Instead, we spent more than a century subsidizing our ancestors to dig up fossil fuels and now we'll have to pay our descendants to spend 200-300 years getting all that carbon back into the ground.

If we don't, our civilization will collapse and our species may go extinct. There's no time for half-measures. That's why Bernie Sanders's version of the Green New Deal is such a big deal.

https://www.technologyreview.com/s/615292/bernie-sanders-has-an-audaciousand-hugely-expensiveclimate-plan/

He's the only leadership candidate whose plan actually confronts the scale of the crisis.

The $16T (yes, TRILLION) plan includes $2.5T to convert all US energy to renewables, "ending subsidies, mountaintop-removal coal mining, and the import and export of fossil fuels."

He'll also ask the DoJ to investigate criminal frauds committed by energy sector companies that spent millions to delay action on climate by pumping out disinformation along with their CO2.

The budget also includes $2T for a retrofit of our homes and workplaces, $1T to retrofit roads and other infrastructure.

There's $3.6T to convert the US's vehicles to electric, $85B for charging stations and $100B to improve electric car manufacture.

There's $900B for mass transit and high-speed rail, and $150B to improve emissions from aviation and marine transport.

In all, the plan creates "20 million jobs, while offering wage guarantees, job training, and other assistance to displaced energy workers."

As James Temple writes in MIT Tech Review, there are some odd quirks, like a rejection of carbon capture, but these are issues in the margin that administrative agencies staffed by independent experts (not corporate shills) might tweak.

But this is the plan we need. Remember, no one ever asked how we'd pay for WWII, and a Nazi victory would have merely put half the human race in mortal peril, while the climate crisis threatens us all, and without the hope of regime change down the road.

The purpose of the economy, the justification for markets, is that they promote human prosperity and progress. Scratching in flooded rubble for canned goods and drinking your own urine is not "progress." If our spreadsheets can't figure out how to allocate capital to heading off an extinction-level event, we need new spreadsheets. As our friends at Prager "University" like to remind us, "facts don't care about your feelings."

Cutting the UK housing subsidy led to massive homelessness payouts (permalink)

Margaret Thatcher sold off council houses to create more Tories, on the theory that home ownership made you a Conservative. But the end of council estates just meant that private landlords were able to gouge local governments for substandard housing for poor people. Predictably, this only worsened, with rents spiraling for poorly maintained, dangerous housing. Eventually, David Cameron got a genius idea: he'd cut how much money families could spend on private rent.

After all, this was much more politically feasible than ordering landlords to provide decent housing at a fair price. Landlords make campaign contributions and vote Tory, and a majority of Tory MPs are landlords themselves.

https://www.thelondoneconomic.com/news/corbyn-tried-pass-law-make-homes-safe-last-year-conservatives-rejected/14/06/

By contrast, council tenants vote Labour and are (by definition) too poor to bribe politicians. Just as with Thatcher's selloff, the outcome of Cameron's policy was totally predictable to anyone whose wealth didn't depend on their denying it.

People couldn't pay their rent, so they became homeless.

You know what's more expensive than paying rent for poor people? Helping homeless people. The savings from Cameron's cruel policy of limiting rent subsidies were totally wiped out by the millions more that local governments had to pay to find temporary shelter for the wave of homelessness Cameron had created.

That's not all, of course. Voter turnout among affected households plummeted, and when they did vote, it was in the Brexit referendum, where the housing benefit cuts strongly correlated with a Leave vote: "We also observe that a one standard deviation increase in the level of exposure to the cut in a district is associated with up to a 2.2 percentage point greater level of support for 'Leave'."

https://voxeu.org/article/housing-insecurity-homelessness-and-populism

The inability of the British private sector to build affordable housing and the unwillingness of the public sector to fill in the gap has produced a ghastly quality of life. In Camden, £1500/month gets you a 27sqm "flat" whose bed is literally a mattress wedged next to the toilet.

https://www.cnn.com/2020/02/29/uk/london-renting-compared-berlin-gbr-grm-intl/index.html

And yet, Greater London has never had a better ratio of bedrooms to people. It's just that HALF the beds in the region are empty on any given night. But with 60% of the UK national wealth represented by property in the southeast, the last thing the Tories want to do is fix this misallocation, which has been such a boon to the ownership class.

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2014/feb/14/great-housing-disaster-danny-dorling-review

This day in history (permalink)

#8yrsago In Minecraft, a fountain of cats at the top of the world https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=iNw2YcAK9Wc#!

#8yrsago Smithsonian building archive of printable 3D scans https://www.cnet.com/news/smithsonian-turns-to-3d-to-bring-collection-to-the-world/

#8yrsago Finance industry bemoans hard times in an era of reduced bonuses https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2012-02-29/wall-street-bonus-withdrawal-means-trading-aspen-for-cheap-chex

#4yrsago Crapgadget apocalypse: the IoT devices that punch through your firewall and expose your network https://krebsonsecurity.com/2016/02/this-is-why-people-fear-the-internet-of-things/

#4yrsago Press looks the other way as thousands march for Sanders in 45+ cities https://web.archive.org/web/20160314104804/http://usuncut.com/politics/media-blackout-as-thousands-of-bernie-supporters-march-in-45-cities/

#4yrsago FBI claims it has no records of its decision to delete its recommendation to encrypt your phone https://www.techdirt.com/articles/20160226/14181133727/fbi-claims-it-has-no-record-why-it-deleted-recommendation-to-encrypt-phones.shtml

Colophon (permalink)

Today's top sources: Alice Taylor (https://twitter.com/wonderlandblog), Naked Capitalism (https://nakedcapitalism.com/) and Slashdot (https://slashdot.org/.

Hugo nominators! My story "Unauthorized Bread" is eligible in the Novella category and you can read it free on Ars Technica: https://arstechnica.com/gaming/2020/01/unauthorized-bread-a-near-future-tale-of-refugees-and-sinister-iot-appliances/

Upcoming appearances:

Canada Reads Kelowna: March 5, 6PM, Kelowna Library, 1380 Ellis Street, with CBC's Sarah Penton https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/cbc-radio-presents-in-conversation-with-cory-doctorow-tickets-96154415445

Currently writing: I just finished a short story, "The Canadian Miracle," for MIT Tech Review. It's a story set in the world of my next novel, "The Lost Cause," a post-GND novel about truth and reconciliation. I'm getting geared up to start work on the novel now, though the timing is going to depend on another pending commission (I've been solicited by an NGO) to write a short story set in the world's prehistory.

Currently reading: Just started Lauren Beukes's forthcoming Afterland: it's Y the Last Man plus plus, and two chapters in, it's amazeballs. Last month, I finished Andrea Bernstein's "American Oligarchs"; it's a magnificent history of the Kushner and Trump families, showing how they cheated, stole and lied their way into power. I'm getting really into Anna Weiner's memoir about tech, "Uncanny Valley." I just loaded Matt Stoller's "Goliath" onto my underwater MP3 player and I'm listening to it as I swim laps.

Latest podcast: Gopher: When Adversarial Interoperability Burrowed Under the Gatekeepers' Fortresses: https://craphound.com/podcast/2020/02/24/gopher-when-adversarial-interoperability-burrowed-under-the-gatekeepers-fortresses/

Upcoming books: "Poesy the Monster Slayer" (Jul 2020), a picture book about monsters, bedtime, gender, and kicking ass. Pre-order here: https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781626723627?utm_source=socialmedia&utm_medium=socialpost&utm_term=na-poesycorypreorder&utm_content=na-preorder-buynow&utm_campaign=9781626723627

(we're having a launch for it in Burbank on July 11 at Dark Delicacies and you can get me AND Poesy to sign it and Dark Del will ship it to the monster kids in your life in time for the release date).

"Attack Surface": The third Little Brother book, Oct 20, 2020.

"Little Brother/Homeland": A reissue omnibus edition with a very special, s00per s33kr1t intro.

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autodiscothings · 4 years

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Hello Secret Santa!

It occurs to me that just a vague link to the garbage fire that is my tumblr isn’t going to help you much, so I made a character reference guide for my idiots.

If you’re unfamiliar with the Mass Effect universe (which you might be, or might need a refresher) I hope it’s useful.

Kolyat Krios:

I don’t actually own him, I adopted him from BioWare. Kolyat is the son of Thane Krios, an infamous assassin. His childhood was not a nice one, but Kol got his life together after the war and decided not to murder people for a living like dear old dad did.

Kolyat is a drell, a scaled, bipedal race that are rare to the point of extinction in the universe, thanks to destroying their homeworld; only half a million of them exist, which is nothing. A large chunk of this population are subservient/lackeys to a jellyfish-like sentient race called the hanar, who use the drell to operate their machinery and fight for them, often from a young age. It is called the Compact agreement, and drell have worked off their debt for being ‘saved’ from their dying planet for centuries, with no sign of leaving it- yet.

Kolyat is not part of the Compact, nor does he have a hanar handler. In my Postwar ‘neon noir’ universe he is somewhat independent of his homeworld and lives on the Citadel; Kolyat is instead a 20-something detective in C-Sec, a job that defines him.

He lives on a mass, multispecies Ward on the space station -like DS9, but far more civilian- think NYC, London and Hong Kong on acid. Kolyat works for the station’s Homicide and Violent Crimes division; he finds the work fulfilling, but is a workaholic about solving the cases.

Kolyat’s a little bit grumpy, a little bit sarcastic, often prone to scowling. He is also a secret softy, despite the distant introversion- good with kids and pets, despite grumbling appearances. Once he trusts you enough to let you in, you have a friend for life, but he’s guarded about his past for good reasons.

Outfit wise, he’s a man who dresses for comfort, not style. He wears a constricting uniform all day, so his civvies are the 2190 equivalent of jogging bottoms and t-shirts. I mostly draw him in his battered leather jacket, but it’s fine without too.

His tag is: [HERE]. I have made outfit/inspiration sheets [HERE].

I actually really love his in game model, it’s not just a recolour of his dad. That chin! It’s truly excellent. Kolyat is head over heels in love (to his bafflement) with...

Oriana Lawson Lee:

They met at a postwar party on the Citadel, a few years after the Reapers were destroyed. I don’t actually own her either, I also adopted her from BioWare. She’s the sister/twin/clone of Miranda Lawson, but goes by her adopted family’s name of Lee.

Like Kolyat, Ori’s past isn’t a nice one; she was created in a laboratory to be a clone of her sister, a genetically perfect human. Ori was smuggled out as an infant to live a normal life for 19 years with her adopted family; during the war she was kidnapped and held at a space concentration camp by her creator, where he experimented on refugees and turned them into fodder for the war.

She survived, but has scars she keeps quiet about. Oriana is an ‘Ori’ to most people, and the kind of person in which the definition of charisma is usually applied to. She just has something that makes her noticeable- when she wants to. Ori is old Hollywood glam passed through a sci-fi filter, and is usually dressed to impress- often to a calculated degree. Feel free to go over the top with with pretty dresses and red carpet/gala looks, it’s very much her brand.

It’s not all sashaying around in heels, though. Oriana is also a structural engineer and colony developer for Kellam Industries, a sort of made up Doctors Without Borders/ Medecins Sans Frontier charity in the 2190s, and homes displaced refugees for a living. If you want to draw this side of her too, I will be just as delighted.

She and Kolyat seem like complete opposites, but are very much in love- even if they can’t work it out yet. Ori definitely keeps him on his toes; she’s guarded about her past, for obvious backstory reasons.

Ori’s tag is [HERE] and her wardrobe inspo tag is [HERE.] I have made two outfit/inspiration sheets [HERE] and [HERE].

I actually ignore the in game model, especially ME3′s horrible version. I don’t have a face claim for her, but I’ve drawn her plenty of times now for her to be distinctively her. (I say, hopefully.)

Fish The Cat:

Fish is a standard short-haired cat that belongs to Kolyat, a stray he found and brought back home. She is as grumpy as her owner, but still the boss- Fish remains the absolute queen of their household.

She’s a grey-brown tabby with a white bib and matching socks; at one point she was overweight thanks to her food obsession, but Kolyat half-heartedly tries to keep it below chonk levels. Fish is very much his cat, the only one who she’ll let touch her/pet/etc. It seems Ori’s charm doesn’t actually work on belligerent cats at all, and Fish can be spiteful if she tries to hard.

Fish’s tag is [HERE]. She has no faceclaim (lol) but she’s just a standard tabby and white housecat you can find everywhere, really.

Detective Batesda “Bats” T’Lori:

T’Lori -Bats to his friends- is part of the same team/squad as Kolyat is in C-Sec. He’s also the closest thing Kolyat has to a best friend, which considering their personality difference, is hilarious.

Bats is a he/him asari. Asari are the universe’s space-elves, but female-presenting; his choice in pronouns is unusual for the setting, but accepted.

He will often roast the shit out of Kolyat on a daily basis. Bats is on paper is quite odious -a joker, never keeps the same lover around longer than a month, heavy drinker, titty obsessed, anime obsessive, lazy- but somehow has a certain charm that makes him get away with most of it.

Bats is an absolute powerhouse of a biotic (space wizard magic), and the squad’s heaviest hitter because of it. He dresses in practical clothing, but is fond of catsuits and one-pieces (no dresses.) He’s not a particular snazzy dresser, though, but is fond of wearing black and red.

Bats’ tag is [HERE]. I’ve used Ruby Rose a couple of times as reference for his face.

Detective Arjul Patel

Patel is part of the same team/squad as Kolyat in C-Sec, and self-appointed Squad Dad. He has somewhat gross traits; the one most likely to roll up his sleeve to show you his elbow rash, but he’ll also bring in candy and snacks he’s made for the crew.

He’s in his fifties, and has brown skin, warm brown eyes with a sly twinkle in them and a well combed head of black hair. Thanks to a steady diet of snacks, Patel has a little belly- he also has very impressive eyebrows that are very expressive.

Patel is a born and bred Indian, but moved off world to a colony as soon as he was able. He has less art than the others; I have used Nawazuddin Siddiqui as a face ref for a few paintings, but softened his features every time.

Patel’s tag is [HERE].

Thank you for reading all this!

Art of any of these characters is more than fine with me, but a combination of the above will probably make my christmas.

A lot of Kol and Ori is my headcanon interwoven with actual canon, if you’re reading it all and going “I don’t remember that” that’s why. All the fan wiki links are legit canon, though.

I write about them as well as draw them, hence the mass amount of words. Their stories are up on A03.

I also answer questions about the characters a great deal in asks and prompts, the tag is [HERE].

Feel free to send me asks via anon if you want to know anything else <3

#secret santa #asks and prompts #explaining mass effect: done badly

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a-table-of-fics · 3 years

Text

Cull to Adventure, Chapter 9, Draft 1

Marie brought a third fan, pointing it at the couch she had laid Agent 4 on. He was already getting some consistency back, but she wanted to make sure. She wasn’t worried about any mess on the couch, as the ink would soon evaporate anyway. She set it to “low,” like the others, then turned to pet the Zapfish who was powering all three. She was there for a few moments before going walking over and getting another Lamprede from the cooler she had.

“You did good out there, Agent 4,” she said, handing it to him. With a small smile, she added, “I sure know how to pick ‘em.”

Cull looked over, nodding appreciatively with a still-sloshy head.

“I didn’t think the Octoweapons would be fully operational, though,” she continued. “Gotta hand it to the Octarians; they know how to prepare.”

“So I’m gonna fight m-more ovens?” Cull groaned.

“I don’t know about that,” she replied, “But I do know we’re gonna need the big guns.”

She reached into her kimono, revealing a walkie talkie attached to a cord.

“Hello, Sheldon, can you hear me? Over.”

“Loud and clear, Mar-“ Sheldon started, before correcting himself, “erm, Agent 2. Over!”

Marie had to lean back from her device as Sheldon squealed with excitement, before clearing his throat and continuing.

“Agent 4, you’re in good hands! We at Ammo Knights have over 542 million years of trusted service, and I’m proud to say my weapons can be of help to the New Squidbeak Splatoon! What better place for a test run than the real-world conditions of saving Inkopolis, am I right? You’ll even get to use them once developed, and I think you’ll—”

“Okay,” Marie interjected. “Down, boy. I think Agent 4 gets the point.”

“Right,” Sheldon replied. “Well, come back tomorrow and I’ll get an Ammo Knights Enhancifier for you. It’ll automatically upgrade your weaponry and even make different bombs for you, if you can provide materials and enough energy from Power Eggs.”

“S-sounds good,” Cull said, finally felling solid enough to get onto his feet. “I…I think I need s-some time, anyway. It’s getting late…”

Marie nodded. The sky was already starting to fade from pink to purple, a lovely sight even in a place like Octo Canyon.

“Well, you can stay here for the night,” she said. “I mean, Agent 3 slept at an outpost like this, too, you know.”

“I… I kinda want to go home…” Cull admitted, taking a few semisolid steps to the grate to Inkopolis. “Got a few things t-to take care of…”

“You sure? You might still wanna…”

Marie paused, taking in Agent 4’s expression.

“…Suit yourself,” she finally said, “but the offer stands, okay?”

Cull looked back and gave a thumbs-up that was just a little runny, then disappeared into the grate.

Marie sighed, watching his inky footsteps disappear with mild interest before turning the fans off. Gently, she picked up the Zapfish and prepared to take it somewhere.

***

“Youuu okay?” Flage asked, in her usual sing-song voice. “I know it’s been ho-ot, but you’re not looking so great.”

“Y-yeah, I’ll… I’ll be fine,” Cull said, reflexively pulling his beanie down a little.

“Come now,” Flage said, reaching for the front of his hat, “Wearing a beanie in this he-heat? Don’t be silly!”

Cull leaned back so quickly that he almost fell right over the bench’s armrest.

“Please don’t,” he said.

“Oh, sorryyy,” she said, scooching backwards a little. “Forgot that’s pa-art of your look.”

“Y-yeah,” Cull said, leaning back up, “Guess…guess you could say it is.”

He shook his head; he didn’t have it in him to stay mad at her. She was trying to help, after all, and it’s not like she knew of his haircut.

“A-anyway,” he asked, looking for a change in subject, “what brings you to this bus stop? I-I thought you lived in Inkopolis.”

“Oh, that I dooo,” she replied, “but I hear there’s some goooood stargazing out by Bulrush Lake!”

“Ah,” he nodded. “That sounds nice.”

“Yeah, and you know it’ll be a sight to be-holdwhile the power’s still out! Goootta count my lucky stars!”

“I… I guess…”

“Besides, I need the ref-er-ence for my next piece. My next painting will change the world of art, buh-leave you me!”

“I-I’m sure it will,” Cull said, nodding slowly. “I’d l-like to see it s-sometime, if that’s okay...”

“Of course it is!” Flage beamed. “I would looove a fellow artiste to look at my work!”

“Oh, I’m n-no a-artiste,” Cull said, laughing nervously. “I-I just l-like drawing…”

“C’mon now!” Flage said, lightly patting Cull’s arm. “I’ve seen your graffi-tee, and pop art has a place in the art world!”

Cull’s beanie was almost entirely over his eyes at this point. Enough green ink rushed to his face to make him look sick.

“Y-you saw my stuff…?”

“Pret-ty easy to recognize,” Flage beamed, adjusting her glasses. “I saw your ta-ttoo, remember? You’re always draaawing within it, and you do great stuff!”

It was a horrible time for Cull to realize he left his gloves back at the Outpost. His no-doubt melted doodles were on full display right now, and he was sure the actual tattoo wasn’t looking as clean as it should have.

“I… I think I f-forgot something,” Cull managed, standing up to leave. The Outpost wasn’t sounding so bad right now. Not even Flage’s oddly soothing melodic voice was enough to numb his panic. “I gotta… I gotta go.”

“Was it something I said?” Flage asked, looking up.

He just wished he could ask her to stop patronizing him; who just gave underserved compliments out of nowhere? As it was, though, he didn’t have the nerve, and simply shook his head before heading back to the Outpost.

Once he was a safe distance from being seen by anyone, he stopped worrying about that general shame and finally noticed that unlike last night, some of the streetlights were on. Even as he stayed in the alleyways behind Inkopolis Square, he could see light trying to reach him from the main plaza. He looked over, and could see an Inkling in a gas mask and flippers spray painting the wall of the arcade, easily seeing his duck-based piece.

Cull cringed. He recognized that style; this was the guy who was always one-upping his own pieces whenever he made something he was proud of. To be fair, Cull had taken to doing the same thing, placing his high-effort pop art next to this guy’s detailed paintings, but still.

Anyway, it was getting really late, and if he had bones, they’d be aching from the long day. He quietly continued over to the manhole, and ducked into the Outpost.

He saw Marie sleeping on the couch, humming tunelessly as she snored. Quietly, he crept forward, looking for a different place to sleep, preferably a more private one. He saw his gloves lying on that coffee table, and snatched them up quickly.

As he did so, his foot bumped against something. He looked town to find a handle to a trapdoor. Curious, he gently moved the coffee table aside and lifted the door to find at least fifty plush Zapfish staring at him. It was a bit weird, but Cull could only yawn in response, not being able to question anything anymore. He clambered in, and appreciated how soft the pile was as he slowly closed the door again, listening to Marie’s humming as he slowly drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Marie’s eyes slowly fluttered open, then squinted under the noonday sun. Slowly, she got up, and saw an orange grill-looking thing right in front of her, with Sheldon messing with some wires on a side panel. He seemed to be having some difficulty, though, as Marie could hear some violent banging, and he looked increasingly concerned, practically burying himself into unknowable machinery.

“Tech issues?” she yawned, sitting upright.

“Oh, don’t get me started,” Sheldon said, in a tone that made Marie wish she didn’t. “I checked everythingand there’s still that noise! The pistons are well-lubricated, the automated scan is perfectly calibrated, the motor is fresh off the assembly line—”

“Right, right,” Marie nodded, “you don’t know where it’s coming from. Anything I can do?”

“I… I don’t know,” Sheldon admitted. Marie could see in his goggles as he turned to her that he’d been at this for some time; his eyes were turning pink.

“Here, why don’t you sit down for a bit? You might need less time doing, more time thinking, y’know.”

“But what about what you said—”

“Nevermind that,” Marie said. “You gotta rest. Besides, that thing about inking and thinking…. That’s for squids of action. You don’t even ink, so don’t sweat it!”

“Um, okay,” Sheldon nodded, that spiel taking far more energy than it should have. He walked up and sat at the end of the couch, still having the diligence to close the panel beforehand. He couldn’t even flinch as the Enhancifier continued to bang and make odd wailing noises. Marie, however, wasn’t about to have it while she waited for Agent 4 to come back.

“So how do you turn this thing off?” she asked, standing up to look at the machine.

“That’s the thing,” Sheldon sighed, “it hasn’t been on for two hours! I’ve never seen something like this before, I tell ya…”

Marie hummed. A machine making those noises when off? She was no tech geek, but that sounded weird to her.

She leaned closer, listening to the noises. Now that things were a lot quieter, she realized the noises were coming from belowthe Enhancifier. With a couple of false starts and a lot of grunting, she moved it aside, and was now standing on the trapdoor Sheldon had covered.

Without the giant hunk of metal over the door, it was far easier to make out a familiar panicked voice. Marie wasted no time in stepping aside, and the door burst open. Cull popped out, gasping like his life depended on it.

“Oh Cod, I’m so sorry,” Sheldon said, running over to him. “I don’t know how I didn’t see the door there… I legitimately thought it was an issue with the Enhancifier, and…”

“I…it’s okay,” Cull said, after a moment. “I’m s-sure you didn’t h-hear me…”

“What were you even doing down there?” Marie asked, gently lifting him up onto the proper floor.

“R-ride home wasn’t working out,” Cull said, eyes glued to the floor. “I was… just gonna sleep h-here for one night, s-saw your thing of plushies, and…yeah.”

“I thought you had moved that table to give me space to work,” Sheldon said. “If I’d known he was in there, I wouldn’t have…”

“N-no, it was me. I just… I’m sorry…”

“Here,” Marie finally said, gently pulling Cull aside, “Why don’t you take a break, and then you and Sheldon can move this thing somewhere that makes sense, like… that corner over there. In the meantime, I’m getting myself something to drink. You guys want anything?”

Cull was suddenly aware of how hoarse he was, and nodded.

“C-could use some water.”

“That triage took its toll,” Sheldon admitted, “and I think I need a picker-upper. You got any Seafoam in that shed?”

“Sorry,” Marie said, silently wondering how much he had on a regular basis, “but I got a coffee maker and a few mixes.”

“That’s alright, then. I’ll get it in a bit.”

“That’s fine,” Marie nodded, “but don’t mess with it, okay? It’s Cal…”

Her face fell somewhat, before she coughed and turned to the shed.

“…It’s not mine. So don’t go tinkering with it.”

It was an awkward wait while Marie was heating up tea for herself. Cull had some ice water and had more interest in half-melted ice cubes than any Inkling Sheldon had ever seen.

After what felt like forever, Cull finally looked up, at least in Sheldon’s general direction.

“Um… you s-say this thing can upgrade my Splattershot?”

“Not just that,” Sheldon said, perking up. “It can get you the hottest new kinds of explosives, and even help you conserve your ink through a process I like to call ‘The Hibernation Effect’. Through a careful, multi-layered tubing system, we can safely extract less ink for the same shot, and even make the refilling process more comfortable than ever…”

Sheldon’s more detailed technical explanations started to go into one ear and out the other, but Cull was more interested than ever in the Enhancifier. He got up while Sheldon was still pouring an endless stream of info out of his mouth, and looked to see how this thing worked.

Thankfully, there was already a screen ready, with icons not only representing his Splattershot and Splat Bombs, but also, as Sheldon said, his ink tank, as well as other weapons he had seen on TV sometimes. There were even some of the newer ones, like the umbrella-looking one and the Dualies.

Below each icon, he saw estimates of the materials needed – so many Power Eggs to keep the battery going, and so many kilograms of Sardinium. He’d have to ask where the stuff he found was stored once Marie came back out.

“Cool, right?” Sheldon said, stepping up next to Cull. “Here, I got a bit of Sardinium and a pack of Power Eggs for testing right here. Just pick something and we can watch the magic happen! I’ll even let you get an exclusive sneak peek of how it does it!”

“Oh, um, okay.”

He took a second to look over the choices. Another kind of bomb seemed nice – that homing one was looking tempting. Then again, the machine was promising a faster firing rate and some better accuracy if he went with the Splattershot…

“Ooh, why don’t I show ya the Hibernation Effect?” Sheldon piped up excitedly. “I bet you’ll want more ink in that tank, yeah? Even your Splat Bombs’ll take less fuel to get the same kick!”

“Um…s-sure,” Cull nodded.

It wasn’t his first choice, since he was hoping to not have to shoot as much, but maybe it would help with his no-doubt abysmal shooting. After all, if he was filling the air with ink for longer, he’d be missing less, right? And, yeah, Sheldon probably knew what he needed better than he did; why else would he be so eager to decide for Cull?

While Cull tentatively tapped that upgrade, Sheldon had, in the blink of an eye, fetched the ink tank in question. With a couple of quick taps on a side panel, the orange lid opened to reveal protective glass, allowing Cull a full view of the machinery inside. Lights came on, and some robotic arms whirred to life to wait over a moving conveyor belt. Sheldon had inserted the glass capsule into a door on the side. It was soon drawn to the middle of all the machinery, and Cull was prompted to insert the materials needed. He flinched as a slot jumped out in front of him.

Sheldon, being more ready, was quick to pour a bag of Power Eggs and a couple bricks of Sardinium into it. Power Eggs fell into miniature battery packs, while the Sardinium was melted and converted to a variety of parts. Almost immediately, the arms got to work, disconnecting the tubes and prying the lid off. Cull found it neat to watch, even if he didn’t understand any of what was going on. Sparks flew, wires were added, and even the glass was polished inside and out.

Only about a minute passed before the ink tank was rolled back out the way it came in, landing safely on a tray.

Sheldon watched in anticipation as Cull gingerly picked it up, looking at the shiny new lid and siphon hoses.

“Looks nice,” Marie said from behind, nearly making Cull drop his new tool. “Surprised you went with the ink tank, though.”

“Sh-Sheldon said to get this one…”

“The guy knows his stuff,” Marie said, “but you gotta find what works for you, okay? I know you will.”

Cull nodded.

“Anyway, get yourself suited up, and we can see how that ink-saving whatchamacallit works in action. I bet it’ll still help.”

Marie turned to Sheldon.

“We’ve been keeping the stuff Agent 4 has found in the cupboard, if you wanna go and get paid back.”

Sheldon saluted, walking in and getting the items he used before lifting the manhole cover and disappearing.

“Didn’t even get his coffee,” Marie sighed, shaking her head.

***

“Hey, wait!” Sheldon called out, taking both Marie and Cull by surprise over the radio. “You might wanna try out something different here! I can send you a Roller, and we can see if it works out better for you. Plus, you know, these weapons need a good ol’ field testing…”

“Erm,” Cull said, looking at his Splattershot, “I-I’m kinda already here…”

“Yeah, we’d have to recall Agent 4 if we wanted to—”

“No, no, I can also test my newest delivery system! For the past two years, I’ve gotten a hold of some old tech from my gramps, and found a way to get a remote drone and all its electronics through these grates, and even greatly extended the signal through careful use of the latest—”

“You think you can send it down to him?” Marie asked. “Sure; try the first tower on the left once you get to Suction-Cup lookout. You think your whatchamacallit can fly that far?”

“Well, the battery kinda had to be skimped on to get it to work, but I could drive there! Can you wait a few, Agent 4?”

“I… I guess…?”

“Great! I’ll let you know when I’m there! Try to hang on until then, okay?”

“…Sure…?”

***

The spawner was surprisingly comfortable to sit on, considering it was a large metal plate with ink swirling below glass. Still, it gave Agent 4 a nice place to relax as he looked around the smoggy area. It wasn’t much to look at, apparently being an industrial area with floating steel platforms and a greenish tint to the air. In the distance, there were hanging orange lights to punctuate the gloomy area. The air smelled of motor oil and something like ink blended with iron. Interestingly, there were some yellow traffic signs laid on the right that showed squid icons, and those looked pretty new.

He didn’t have much time to think about that, however, as a low buzzing noise turned his attention upwards. A black and yellow drone descended, carrying a large case. Cull’s gaze followed it as it lowered to eye level and started orbiting him.

“Go ahead and swap your Splattershot out for this bad boy,” Sheldon said. “See how you like it!”

Cull pulled the case off the drone and opened it, revealing an intricately folded lump of yellow plastic and steel. He yelped as, almost immediately, the contraption sprung to life, leaping out towards him as he jumped back, dropping his gun. Within half a second, the machine had stopped, revealing itself to be a massive Roller, not too different from the ones Cull saw in commercials pretty frequently.

“Real beauty, isn’t she?” Sheldon said. “Go ahead and give ‘er a whirl! But first… please put that poor Splattershot in that case. I don’t want it getting scratched…”

Cull nodded, picking his gun up and putting it back into the same case the Roller burst out of. Sending the drone on its way, he turned to his new weapon, testing the handle. Yup, the thing was almost as heavy as it looked, but he was used to paint rollers anyway; he was constantly re-painting the walls at home, after all.

He started to push his Roller forward, and he was astonished at how smoothly his ink coated the floor as he went. He was used to having a rough time, but moving forward with this monstrosity was a breeze!

Well, at least for the first fifteen or so seconds. When he was out of ink, the sheer weight of this thing slowed him to a crawl. Apparently, all that smoothness was just his ink; the mix of metal and foam was not doing his advance after the first Launchpad any favors.

“You gotta lift that up for a bit,” Marie said. “Remember, you only have so much ink, even with that enhanced tank.”

“Um… okay…”

Surprisingly, it was pretty easy to lift the Roller. The challenge was balancing with it; everything above the handle was so massive he found himself tilting every which way. He stumbled around, trying to find some kind of way to keep his weapon upright.

What was worse, he knew Agent 2 and Sheldon were watching this performance, probably snickering to themselves about it.

“Keep it close to your chest,” Marie said, without a hint of humor in her voice, somehow making it worse. “Bend your knees a lil’, keep the Roller straight up… yeah, like that!”

Cull somehow felt sillier now that he had something like the right posture, but at least he could stand, and he could feel his ink tank refilling.

“Just watch for the Rolinium around here!” Sheldon piped up. “I think this is a processing plant for the stuff…”

Up ahead, there was a giant bundle of what looked like Roller sleeves, and an Octotrooper waiting on some kind of large, automated brush. Cull was about to try to rush forward, balance be clammed, but both voices shouting for him to stop landed him right in front of the bundle.

“You can activate that Rolinium with your own,” Sheldon pointed out. “It’ll fly right ahead into the bad guys!”

“Probably a better way of getting a feel for the thing, too,” Marie added. “Don’t have to get up to that Octoslob with a weapon you’re not used to this time.”

Agent 4 nodded, shifting his grip a bit as he looked at the Rolinium. If he could launch this like Sheldon said, he’d have to time it. He was just glad the Octotrooper hadn’t noticed him; he was sure the guy would have had the same idea and just launch the Roller sleeves at him.

He had to slam his weapon down as soon as he tried to lean it forward. A violent splash of ink hit the Rolinium before he could run into it, and it immediately accelerated, barreling right into the unsuspecting Octatrian.

“Nice one!”

Cull knew he didn’t deserve that praise, so he just nodded and literally pressed forward with the Roller.

#cull goes to octo canyon #cull to adventure #chapter 9 #draft 1 #Splatoon #splatoon fic #splatoon 2 #splatoon 2 fic #cull to adventure full chapter

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jaygilbert-blog · 7 years

Text

COFFEE TALK [with Michael Kauffman]

“I’ve worked in music and technology during my career, largely in sales, marketing, and PR roles. I love to connect artists and companies with fans and customers -- and have been doing that in tech (YouTube on the marketing team and at Google via corporate communications), at start-ups like RightsFlow (a rights management and licensing company acquired by Google), and earlier in my career at labels and distribution companies like UMG, Verve, BMG, and Windham Hill.”

Q: What are a few of your favorite “industry moments?”

I loved spending time on the road with artists earlier in my career. While at Windham Hill in the mid-90’s, I joined Keola Beamer, Ledward Kaapana, and a few other Hawaiian slack key guitar icons on a series of dates up the eastern seaboard. It was one of the first times I spent a lot of time with a band who I had limited prior knowledge about. Pre-internet days. Not only did I fall in love with that music, but I got to introduce the band and crew to PA-breakfast-fave scrapple while eating at the Melrose Diner in Philadelphia. While at Verve, we arranged for the amazingly gifted vocalist Al Jarreau (RIP Al) to host the Music Biz Annual Conference Awards Dinner one year concurrent with his new release. Al arrived in San Antonio with a serious bout of the flu, and we didn’t know whether he’d be able to speak, let alone take the stage. But after a few hours of sweating it out, focused rest, home-brewed tea, and a mind-over-matter attitude, Al took the microphone and blew everyone away with his grace, wit, and charm.

I was fortunate during those years at Verve to work with a top-notch sales team (Tony Pellegrino, Jon Vanhala, Lisa Hopkins, Mark Callaghan, Jeff Lusis, Kim Smith, Missy Iredell), self-branded “The Jazz Pack”. We adopted a song-and-dance approach to many of our sales presentations and had a blast singing-while-selling our releases (I like to say that we were the last of the singin’ sales guys). Flashback to Los Angeles in 2001. The Universal Music and Video Distribution Conference was being held at the Century Plaza Hotel, and we were scheduled, along with all the other UMG labels, to present our upcoming releases to our friends at distribution. Instead of a generic video presentation, we opted to host an awards show called “The Tommy’s” (named for our beloved label Chairman Tommy LiPuma, industry icon, producer, and true music maker) packed with curated categories, spoof videos, and actual live performances highlighting our artists and releases.

The opening song-and-dance number involved us wearing Adidas tear-away track suits worn over tuxedos, doing a bit of choreographed dancing along with a backup crew consisting of the XFL’s LA Xtreme cheerleading squad. It culminated with Tommy himself being led through the curtains of the stage and down to his front-row seat amidst a rousing standing ovation (Tommy’s entrance is ~4:29 in this YouTube videohttps://youtu.be/Y09IwrNHO8Q). Furthermore, there was also an ice sculpture of Tommy, a raucous afterparty, the USC Fighting Trojan Marching Band performing "Tequila", balloons falling from the ceiling, and hundreds of customized Tommy bobbleheads that were presented to all in attendance. I vividly remember Tommy saying to me right before we stepped onto the stage: “Mikey! What's going on here babe?!” Most fun I ever had in a sales presentation. What a cool experience to work with that team and Tommy.

Another highlight happened at the Sundance Film Festival in Park City in early 2014: I spearheaded the music integration at our YouTube on Main Street pop-up experience. It was one of the more stressful planning periods I’ve endured — late nights, intense conversations, negotiations to book acts, and everything in between — but the effort was ultimately rewarded with goose-bump-inducing performances from Damon Albarn (“There’s no way we can fit a string quartet and a large keyboard on that small stage.”), Venus And The Moon (who asked me to rehearse with them in the parking garage), Carina Round, Sarah Lee Guthrie and Johnny Irion, Sleeping At Last, Matthew Perryman Jones and Kate Tucker (many artists via a Paste partnership — thanks Josh Jackson), and a few roof-raising late-nite DJ sets from Young Guru, Neon Indian, and LCD Soundsystem’s James Murphy -- who's agent phoned me on the day of his set to tell me he was stuck in Chicago due to snow. He arrived just in time to walk on the stage and start spinning records! It all came together and was magical. Plus so many other highlights: a post-dinner celebratory “toast” with Cheap Trick in Chicago, dinner in the Sinatra room at Patsy’s in NYC with Jamie Cullum, and of course live experiences like The Subdudes at Tipitina’s in New Orleans.

Q: If you were to make a playlist of the songs that are part of your DNA, the comfort food that you keep coming back to, that never fail to move and inspire you, what would those tracks be?

It would have to be a playlist of playlists… how many songs do I get?

Can I have 20 - 25? I love the Great American Songbook: Frank, Ella, Billie, Dean, Sammy, Tony, Dinah, along with Miles, Coltrane, Bird, Bill Evans, Ben Webster, Basie, and all the jazz masters. Here's a happy hour playlist assembled by Ken Druker, our head of catalog while I was at Verve. He curated this “Jazz Pack Supertunes” compilation for our crew back in the late 90’s: Frank Sinatra & Count Basie - Come Fly With Me Dean Martin - Ain't That A Kick In The Head Buddy Greco - Around The World Bobby Darin - More Sammy Davis, Jr. - Hey There Jack Jones - You'd Better Love Me Count Basie - All Of Me Frank Sinatra - That's Life Eartha Kitt - C'est Si Bon Tom Jones - It's Not Unusual Perez Prado - Mambo No. 8 Wayne Newton - Danke Shoen Bobby Darin - Hello Dolly Frank Sinatra - Fly Me To The Moon Steve Lawrence & Eydie Gorme - This Could Be The Start Of Something Big Buddy Greco - She Loves Me Vic Damone - The Song Is You Al Martino - Speak Softly Love Nino Rota - The Godfather Waltz Dean Martin - Return To Me Johnny Mathis - Chances Are Sammy Davis Jr. - I've Gotta Be Me Frank Sinatra - The Way You Look Tonight Marilyn Monroe - Happy Birthday Mr. President (on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/user/michaeljoel/playlist/1mNOucMihzZ38hMLv2ptNB)

Q: Are there any artists that never really made it, that came across your desk, that you wish people could hear and embrace?

Action Figure Party comes immediately to mind (a group spearheaded by Greg Kirsten, founder of Geggy Tah, who over the past decade has become a Grammy-award winning producer of Sia, Beck, Kelly Clarkson, Ellie Goulding, Pink, the Shins, Tegan and Sara, Lily Allen), signed to Verve at the time by Bud Harner, our ultra-cool A&R rep. “Everybody Ready” now playing: https://youtu.be/Xud_KlHlqr0

Q: Who was your mentor? Why? Early in my career in advertising: Jim Coudal, the creative director at Weber, Cohn & Riley gave me a shot as a copywriter and helped me craft a voice for headlines and copy. Chris Balla and Bob Garbarini at BMG (now Sony) who provided the freedom and the guidelines to teach me how to think about music marketing. Pat Berry, my boss at Windham Hill (now running the Six Degrees label), who taught me pretty much everything I know about sales, much of it based on always framing decisions with what’s best for the artist. Also from the Windham Hill timeframe, Dave Morrell, who spearheaded AAA/non-comm promotion at our High Street imprint, is a dear friend and mentor who taught me how to love stories and to leave people with a smile. Dave has been releasing his memoirs — and they are a hoot! Horse-Doggin’: Volume 1 is available here: https://www.amazon.com/Horse-Doggin-Dave-Morrell-Archives-Vol-ebook/dp/B00IZLEFQ6/ref=la_B00LG1S4P0_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1491231314&sr=1-1 and 1974 - The Promotion Man - Volume 2 is here: https://www.amazon.com/1974-Promotion-York-Morrell-Archives-ebook/dp/B015YV11M0/ref=la_B00IZQHCE8_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1491231441&sr=1-3. Read up. Plus Bob Schneiders at UMVD taught me the ropes as for retail sales when I started at GRP, and also showed me the importance of connection via common passions solidified with personalized outreach. And the host of other sales and marketing execs who guided me through the years: Ben Kline, Pat Monaco, Bob Anderson, Tony Camardo, Linda Finke, Saul Shapiro, Mike Davis, Cliff O'Sullivan, Mark Flaherty, Marc Zimet, Anthony Ellis, Rob Santos, Nell Mulderry, (can't forget you) Jay Gilbert, the Jazz Pack (Jon, Tony, Lisa, Jeff, Mark)... it takes a village obviously.

Patrick Sullivan (CEO / Co-Founder at RightsFlow) mentored me through his leadership to win against the odds through smart-thinking and a tireless work effort, while Scott Sellwood (our Head of Biz Affairs at RightsFlow, and Publisher Relationships at YouTube) inspired me with his brain, musical abilities, and tenacious commitment to finding common sense solutions. And finally Tommy LiPuma, of course, our Chairman at GRP and Verve, who taught me how to pursue quality in music, art, wine and life. A legendary music leader, visionary and Hall of Fame human being with a legacy of music and joy rooted in the artists, colleagues, employees and millions of ears and hearts that he inspired. A few of use traveled to Cleveland last year to celebrate his 80th. So glad we did. It was a night of stellar performances: Diana Krall, Dr. John, Al Jarreau, Leon Russell (RIP)… followed by the afterparty back at the Ritz-Carlton, drinking amazing wine while listening and laughing into the wee small hours to the many, many stories filling the room. Music biz stories for the ages. Tommy stories. So fortunate and thankful. Smart, passionate, creative mentors who rocked my world.

Q: What’s the best part of your job? Helping and listening (to people and to music). Anytime I can generate a creative conversation with an artist, a company or a colleague, and help them think about their audience and how best to share + super-serve + connect, it’s a good day.

That, and getting together with friends and colleagues for lots of happy hours and live music. Ketel martini, up. Ice cold. Olives.

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