#i get it! my driving was horrible today!

[teefconnoisseur]

there always has to be a reason.

#teef.con #pulling.teeth #cw cursing #[ venting ] #i can’t say shit around my dad #i can’t say fucking sorry without him making a big deal out of it! #he’ll fucking berate me to high hell ‘why did you say sorry? why did you say sorry? why did you say sorry?’ #he’s gotta make a big deal out of it has to get all pissy #sometimes i just say fucking sorry! but i can’t do that with him nooo especially not when he’s already in a mood #( not like i’m doing any better but whatever ) #i was driving and took a turn a little hard and the groceries were flopping around in the back #and of course he has to make it worse by doin’ his fucking sigh shit #i get it! my driving was horrible today! #i took the turn a bit hard! i let a bunch of people go past! i couldn’t maintain the fucking speed limit! #i couldn’t do THIS right i couldn’t do THAT right! #you don’t have to be so fucking passive aggresive about it asshole! #i’m ( emotionally ) beating myself up *for* you for fuck’s sake you don’t have to add onto it! #god! #…anygay that’s my vent for the day hope y’alls days are better :) <3

[pepprs]

discovered miah_pie on t*ktok (<- i don’t have one btw i just stumbled upon her bc someone i follow on ig talked abt her) and her videos make me want to cry so bad. 24 year old dependent moment

#purrs #i went to a clothing store today to try to get new work shoes and pants bc the one pair i have of each literally have holes in them and are #falling the fuck apart on my body and it was a HORRIBLE experience largely bc i think everybody in town was out shopping for back to school #so it was super crowded and there were lots of screaming kids and it was extremely stressful + my dad got into a mini car accident while i w #was in the store (he was / is completely fine thankfully but the car is not which is so awesome 😍😍😍😍😍) and i was just so stressed and #overstimulated but also like… nothing fits me bc im so short lol. but anyway it was so horrible i was on the verge of starting to cry in the #store and then i came home empty handed and my mom got super pissed at me for… needing to go to the store / being the reason we were out lol #and then finding miah pie and her videos are all about making trips to the store SO much fun and buying little treats and saying yessir and #OHHHHHH MYYYYY and just finding the joy in smth that can be so stressful and unpleasant… it makes me want to cry happy and sad tears at the #same time like i want that soooo bad and i can’t do it fully yet but i want it. need it. fuck my stupid baka life #anyways im gonna start saying the stuff she says just to make myself feel better even when im not at a store. yessir! OHHHHHH MYYYYYY. #acquired. don’t mind if i diddly dooooo! #also btw i am not a dependent except for the ways i am a dependent. hope that helps 🫶🏻 #the problem is really that i don’t have a car or a license and also that my mom throws a fit every time i need / want to get driving #practice bc it’s never a good time so. lol 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 me doing drivers ed this summer was a fucking joke i forget literally everything i #learned and have only been behind the wheel 3 times and none of them have actually counted bc im just developing basic motor skills #(literally). fmlllll im never getting out of here who am i kidding 🤪 #delete later

[technovillain]

oh man. i am so......... i will vent in the tags

#my dog was put to rest today. it was tough. but i got most of my sadness out of the way yesterday. #after that #a random ass dog came into our yard and starting being aggressive and growling and barking #and we have an outdoor cat and chickens #he was being nice for a bit but got mad again and i got so mad at him after he bit at my rooster. #he turned out to be okay but i am so pissed #animal control was called. we stood outside for a solid hour waiting on them. we saw them drive past our house #they did not stop to help us #this dog is harrassing everyone in the neighborhood and we are all so tired #we took our cat in the house. the chickens are in the coop now. #so theyre safe #but somebody has to come get this stupid dog #god i hate the government. emergency services are total ass and balls. nobody ever fucking shows up when you need them #weve had problems with animal control refusing to come out and help us when a big dog was harrassing our dog #and when they finally did show up after we begged them they were being assholes and acting like the stray was our pet we just wanted rid of #and this time they just dont show up at all #after calling us to tell us they were on their way. been hours now #i am so exhausted #and now i have to take a test for a class i really want to pass but i always do horrible on the tests. and i am just so so exhausted #feel awful right now. #aguuughghhh #delete later #.txt

[reverie-starlight]

it’s been. a miserable day 😭

#rev rambles #first I had to teach today BUT WE WERE GETTING EVALUATED #and ofc today the kids decide that they’re not gonna settle or let us get though this week’s lessons #WHICH THE EVALUATOR WROT #E #we had to scold them today for the first time #THEN I started feeling lightheaded to the point I thought something was wrong #now I’m travelling home in the rain and my dad isn’t willing to drive 20 mins to pick me up #instead of me taking the bus in an HOUR #I just wanna go home and sleep #my coat and bag are soaked I’m worried abt my laptop and i feel horrible #I could be home rn if there wasn’t a train delay 🥲

[madaracore]

im bitter im very very bitter but j think today i will allow myself feel like this instead of pretending i dont. we can stop repressing everything for a bit. as a treat.

#neg post im sorry i only come back to scream into the tumblr void #im just. so. bitter #alone and pathetic #and i spent the whole drive home chanting not to kill myself bexause i didnt want to go home and continue bejng alone like i am every other #miserable day of the year but especially today. #but alas #i wish people would actually want to do things with ME. instead of it constantly being the other way around and then either getting #cancelled on or forgotten about or just flat out denied #i try not to let myself think about this stuff because it really really hurts and makes me feel very negative things but #todays my birthday and its ALWAYS a bad day and its been especially horrible this year so im allowing myself this one little thing

[doyeons]

if i continue to be sick and it keeps me from going home and seeing my family i will actually die

#bella.txt #T_T i’m supposed to be my grandma’s transportation back to my parents’ house too bc otherwise she’ll be alone on thanksgiving #but i can’t do that if im still sick #i’m soooo mad and stressed now like i felt horrible on friday and a lot better yesterday and now i feel worse again today #what an i going to do… like i can’t miss sm school either but i can’t go out in public but there’s no hybrid online options anymore bc fuck #ppl who still get sick i guess #like also i’m supposed to drive myself home.. tht’s like an 8hr drive #i can’t do that if i’m not feeling well UGHHHFG idk what to do

[witch-hazels-musings]

If you're a new follower, welcome! I'm almost at another mini milestone so thank you for the support!

I'd like to take this time to direct you all to my pinned post - it has a bunch of great information, including my BYF and is the best place to see my request rules!

Id also like to remind everyone I don't participate in leaks

To the people who sent me the Diluc skin in my ask box and messages without my permission and ignoring my request to not do that, I hope you rest well tonight and that you enjoy the leak because you've certainly ruined my day.

#hazel announcement #ive had a HORRIBLE day already #and to come into my ask box to say hi to people just to be leaked ... #i didnt even know it was happening #ive been driving and working and in meeting all day #im going to close my asks soon #please just read peoples rules and stuff #i get this isnt a big deal but i wanted to be excited in my own way #and thats been taken from ms #and im sorry - today has sucked so much and now this

[xumoonhao]

everyone i went to get a christmas tree w/my father today and lemme just tell you -30 degree weather fucking SUCKS omg omg omg 😭 like ive DEF been in colder weather before (-40 my fucking BELOATHED) but -30 is miserable. like sure if youre bundled up for it (like i was. btw. i had on a long sleeve shirt under a fleece hoodie UNDER a huge fleece jacket with two pairs of gloves two pairs of socks AND long johns on under my jeans) its manageable but oh. my god. literally wanted to die out there. plus there was over a foot of snow (at the shallowest, i should add 😒) which was super hard to walk in, ever after i followed after in the tracks my dad made. like. im sorry but how do ppl survive up north. i will never understand how ppl live like that. im sure they adapt and become used to it in some way but literally. how. why. i was wearing a mask too to keep my face warm and it caused condensation on my glasses (which btw have ya ever tried to walk in snow with your glasses all foggy? you literally cant see bc everything is WHITE) and they. got frost on them. my glasses lenses got frosted. like im sorry but what the fuck

#OUR TREE ISNT EVEN THAT NICE. BTW. #i really had a day of it today 😔 my dad even took me to the log yard of his mill today to maybe see some coyotes but there were #none. no wild & scraggly dogs but there was a deer carcass. which was horrible. hated that!!! yucky and it made me Sad. #also . whenever i go out driving i really am amazed at how much Nothing is around my town. literally you drive #5 minutes off any highway outta here and there aint NOTHING for kilometres. literally the middle of nowhere. #if you get lost out here (esp in the winter) you will literally just have to choose death there is no alternative. its so eerie #anyways. that was my adventure for the day! i do not recommend it </3 cutting down your own tree is nice but maybe dont do it in such cold #🎆.txt

[sharkieboi]

so I’m trying to move cause this apartment sucks, and my dad suggested I see if my aunt (who is also my godmother) would let me move in with her, cause she’s got a big house and she’s been living alone since her husband (my uncle and godfather) died. and she lives a bit far from work but not terribly inconvenient, and she loves me and likes animals so neither me nor my bird would be unwelcome housemates.

and like trying to move I’ve shifted some priorities cause I’ve realized I don’t actually like living in the city proper and I would like to have trees and nature around and yknow not have my home be a mice-infested basement with no climate control with the entrance off a back alley that’s filled with dead rats and broken glass.

and it is taking everything in me to not just cave and ask her if she wants a housemate asap. she’s retired, she’ll love my bird, and I will be the best resident ever if she would have me.

but she’s also 30-40 mins out of the city with no public transit that goes to the city, and my car just absolutely shit the bed so I would have to get a car and/or figure out borrowing one from her or another family member

but also. cheap rent and guaranteed meals and in-house laundry and a big house with a big yard and a big garden and also I’m genuinely worried about my aunt living alone as she gets older so like???????? I’m very very very tempted.

#shhh sharkie #biggest thing in this current like literally today right now moment #is that my car just absolutely shit the bed so I am car-less until further notice #I’m gonna get a bike and I can do public transit and that from where I live now #but I don’t want to stay where I am now. it sucks for a lot of reasons. #but it is a straight shot to and from work #(and honestly biking more often is gonna be good for my knees) #and her place is a 30-40 min drive from the city #so unless she’s got a car I can use or someone else does until I have the money to buy a car #it’s not feasible for me to live with her at the very current moment #but my dad keeps pressing the idea and I keep thinking about it more and more #she would be lovely to live with and she would love my bird #i don’t think she has any other pets and she lives alone and she has a four bedroom house in the country like??? why would I not! #i was even saying like. I don’t really do night-life city stuff anymore. it’s not my jam and it’s not important to me really? #so it wouldn’t horribly cramp my style to live there. i’d have to reconfigure with some DnD stuff but it’s not totally inaccessible yknow? #ugh I’ve got a lot of thinking to do in general im gonna end this here and go try and clean my house

[n7viper]

it’s just me and my sandwich against the world (office day #2) (someone help me)

#I brought my notebook so I can attempt to write #but I’m still having massive anxiety. and while therapy is helping it’s still slow #getting out of a horrible friendship is good in the long run but has still left me anxious about things #I still feel somewhat creative but also I can’t even open my Notes app without stressing out #never mind trying to open Scrivener for anything other than lore notes #I don’t know why I’m infodumping in my tags today #basement office is driving me bonkers probably #viper pls

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Driving is exhausting

#today i had to do about three hours of driving (1.5 hours one way) and it was miserable #i hate driving. it mskes me so anxious #especially since on this day last year i was in a car accident #so i was anxious the whole time. praying to the Car Gods #i went to hang out with a friend. that's the reason i had to drive so long #i hung out with her for like three hours and then she had to go to work #we hung out for the same amount of time i spent driving #shes worth it. dont get me wrong. shes definitely worth it #but i just got home and im about to collapse #i need to go shopping but im afraid i tempted fate enough with all of the driving i did #now im always going to be paranoid that ill get in an accident on April 1. despite there being 19 years prior that i never crashed #but to me. last year god played a horrible trick for april fool's by totalling my car. snd this year he might be tempted to do it again #wouldnt that be funny. wouldnt that be so fucking funny God. wouldnt it #i don't even believe in god but i do blame him for a lot of shit #okay bye. i need a fucking NAP

[galariangengar]

💭

#I had a horrible time with my parents at the county fair today #they kept fucking arguing and bitching like they always do every fucking day #I fucking hate going out with them cuz they always fucking argue about the stupidest shit and ruin the fucking day/mood #on top of me not sleeping well last night/being hella fucking stressed about my driving test/HESI exam and summer class #hhhhhhhh I’m back to self loathing and being fucking depressed and having bad thoughts… #ugh and I gotta get up early tomorrow to go practice driving and practice driving the other route for my test #I’m gonna go wash my face and chug some NyQuil so I can pass out and fall asleep #jazz uses curse! 💜

[pepprs]

i don’t know how to explain that since march 2020 with each new horrible thing happening in the world i shrink further and further into myself and away from connection and hope

#i told that friend i would call them today but then i woke up 6 minutes after roe v wade got overturned. and i can’t call that friend. i #can’t even tell them why. i can’t even talk to my family or even look at them. i can’t even stand on my feet for too long or get anything #done. i can’t reply to any texts or act on any urgent emails. i can’t draw or play piano or do anything to destract myself. all i can do is #scroll and read and be very very still and very very quiet. i don’t even have the energy to cry #in December and February and may i had spells lasting days at a time of being unable to function because such horrible things were happening #all at once and i just couldn’t process it anymore. and it’s gonna happen over and over again more and more frequently and there truly is #nothing i can do to stop it without getting the energy back but every time i think im almost there something happens and i crash back down #all over again. really and truly preparing to leave for brighton was the beginning of the end for me and i don’t know if i will ever get #back to how hopeful and connected and whatever i felt. and living in lockdown all over again doesn’t help but i don’t have the strength to c #change that either. im just tired and everyone is walking all around me right now as i type this and im bristling and want to scream #purrs #delete later #not that i was at all like entirely hopeful or whatever and certainly not that things were good pre covid. but something happened when covid #happened and ever since it’s been like. relentless misery. strings of sad days. no end in sight #i think the best and most helpful things i could do wrt this specific issue are a) open my home to people #seeking abortions who can’t get them in their state / provide travel / resources for them to come here (i can contribute to travel funds #financially but need to learn to drive and find a place to live before i can offer space and transportation resources) and b) keep talking a #about reproductive rights / trying to educate ppl who are skeptical etc etc as someone who would not exist without them. and also c) keep #trying to build collective power and learn to become a better community organizer and open people up to the possibilities that arise when we #recognize ourselves as co-creators of our future and understand that the future is not fixed (which i think aoc said or something and i watc #watched smth on that last night that i think she was part of and it was encouraging to me). so i will try to focus on those things. but this #just has my head spinning so badly. i feel so unmoored. and it’s my job to be a beacon of hope but i feel utterly hopeless

[beonetta]

Uuughff all of this has to happen on an already really shitty mental health day

#i lost my grandpa last year to a really traumatic battle with alzhiemers that we had to face head on and be v hands on wifh his care #and i lost my grandma on the same side the same year to a very brief but violent clash with bladder cancer #not only is it my grandpas birthday today but the car show that we all went to every summer is literally 2 blocks from my house #thats the last place they saw eachother and spent time together before they both started getting hospitalized frequently #just seeing all of these beautiful classic cars on my drive home used to bring me so much joy but now its making me fuckingburst into tears #so needless to say my grief has been extra spicy after lying dormant for a while #and having to watch this horrible fucking news while caring for my grandpas brother who ALSO HAS ALZHIEMERS #not to mention all of the right wing political ads #needless to say im having a shitty day

[amsterdamhotelroom]

in my flop era (my life)

#what do i do if i think i have adhd but every time i try to tell someone i don’t say it bc im scared of being wrong about it and feeling #stupid #so i just sit around feeling cringefail and being late to things and taking double the time i should to do tasks or never doing the tasks #and being horrible at driving bc im so distracted to the point that my car got flipped over a couple weeks ago in a crash bc i didn’t look #enough at a stop sign #and just constantly thinking about nothing but my silly little shows #as everyone around me grows increasingly frustrated #but honestly. eh #i’m going to draw something st related today. i have decided #i have so many ideas and it pains me bc i know i will probably do like one and never get around to the rest #sigh

[ladymortimer]

this is so not my week not so my anything this has been going on for 2 weeks when shall the Lord be merciful upon my soul again

#i was literally sitting outside my school lab with my trolley #I then noticed there were like idek like worms on my new jacket #note: this jacket is from Ganni I've only worn it 5x till now cuz it retails for 325 but i got it for 94 #i tried wiping it off and it left these horrible orange stains everywhere on the back yoke #luckily it has a giant collar so it hides it but damn..... #AND ALSO MY TRAIN NOT DRIVING TO SCHOOL FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK MOST LIKELY IF WHAT THEY SAY ON THE NEWS IS TRUE #well it's only 1 stop so i have to take a bus to get to there but it takes like half an hour #but by god i have to be at the lab at 8h15 today and yesterday which means i have to take an early train at 6h30 or smth #and my friend constantly yapping and complaining to me during pattern making while i was trying to focus..... #like im hungry like okay i have food but i have to be here for 9 hours and u already know that