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hardyimagines · 5 years

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Part 2 — The Krays

Hi I just wanted to say how much I love your blog! It’s amazing I also wanted to know if you could write a steamy smut piece with the Kray brothers where they are both interested in the reader and instead decide its better if they just share her. Thanks! — @angelinaburns

Warnings: Sex!

Part 1

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“Im not sure that this is the most romantic way to go about this.” You whispered breathily. Reggie Kray was busy assaulting your neck with those plump, pink lips of his. He was staining your skin with hickeys, eager to lick, bite, and suck at every inch of skin he came across. A low whimper of enjoyment escaped the back of your throat, alerting the man that he was doing a very good job. The second he had you tucked away in the privacy of the club, he’d dropped down on a chair and your small body had followed. As lovely and enjoyable as his mouth was against your skin — this wasn’t all you wanted. You wanted a proper date. Your nimble fingers wrapped around his broad shoulders, gripping them as you dipped your hips south toward his own.

“Fuckin’ hell.” He groaned out quietly before moving his mouth away from your neck so he could catch his breath. He set one of his hands on your waist, palm practically swallowing your hip. The man needed a moment to calm down and collect his thoughts, but you continued to dry hump him. It was difficult to calm yourself down and you doubted you’d be able to if he didn’t stop this from going any further. Lifting one of your hands away from his shoulder so you could cradle his neck, your mouth moved to his ear, resting there. “We, yeah, we’ve got to stop.” His hands moved from your waist to your thighs. “As much as I fucking want you, yeah, I think for our very first date we should actually go somewhere.” His words had little dips and cracks in them from how increasingly hard he was becoming against you. His hands tightened around your thighs, a poor attempt to stop your grinding. The bulge beneath you was becoming more evident than you’d ever seen it before, you couldn’t help but continue to tease him.

“Sex doesn’t always have to come at the end of the date, Reggie.” You told the man softly.

And so it didn’t.

Reggie wasn’t exactly a rough lover. But he was frantic. Passionate. He was impatient, but you didn’t blame him in the slightest, it had been a long time of waiting. He was by far the best youd ever had. It was impossible to get a sound of enjoyment out, because he left you breathless. He touched every inch of your body, caressing and kissing whatever he could. Sex was meant to be fun, it was meant to be enjoyable. Laughter mixed in with your unstoppable moans was what you’d dreamt of and it was finally happening. Reggie was too goofy when it was just the pair of you, he wanted to see the creases beside your eyes and the curve of your lips, so evident on your features. He loved the way the contagious sounds would spill from your throat but the second he switched his angle, your head would fall back and your mouth would hang open, laughter morphing into the breathiest cries of ecstasy. Reggie was so gentle with you, cupping your chin when he kissed you, massaging your breasts, speaking under his breath to ensure that you liked what he was doing. God you did.

Reggie Kray was fully clothed, but you couldn’t complain, your dress had just been rolled up to your hips. There were slivers of skin on show between his fastened buttons and so you kissed what you could see. It was very loving, slow, time-consuming. It was exactly how you’d imagined. You were sat on the table with him stood between your legs. You left half-moons in his lower back, hands pushed under the back of his shirt so you could hold him close to you. He drew sounds that sounded animal-like from your lips. Purrs similar to a kitten’s. Whimpers similar to a puppy’s. Quiet, slurred swears. Pleas. It was all music to his ears and he never wanted it to come to an end. But all good things had to.

The sweat that coated your skin as you sat across from your date reminded him of what you’d just done on the table. Situated in front of you was a very appealing looking dinner. It was just take-out, but you didn’t care. Reggie wasn’t a chef, so you didn’t exactly expect a home cooked meal. You were glad that the two of you already knew so much about one another. It made this much less nerve-wracking. It felt instead like your hundredth date, only now you could kiss him if you wanted. Reaching across the table, your fingers played lazily with his as you spoke. Chin resting in your hand, your eyes slid between his.

“Im so happy that we’re finally doing this.” You whispered. Your breaths wafted over his face, tickling his sensitive skin. The man drew his bottom lip in and suckled on it before leaning back in his chair. His thighs spread wide, blue eyes gliding along your features. His heart fluttered happily, thumping against his chest harder than it ever had before. He supposed, in that moment, maybe he’d never been in love before. Not until now. Maybe what he’d felt for frances had been nothing more than a fascination. An attraction, sure. But not love. He felt like he was suffocating from how much he cared about you. He loved you more than he could put in words. His large palm lifted to his cheek, rubbing his slightly stubbly skin before he let out a quiet grunt.

“We’ve waited a long time for it.” He spoke softly. The glass in front of him was half-empty, and instead of finishing it off, he traced the rim lazily, eyes glued to you. “Do you remember,” He sat up slowly. “All those times you tried to kiss me?” You defensively moved your small hand to your face, a poor attempt to shield your expression as you shined away in the slightest.

“You’re a bit hard to resist.” The lines on his forehead were etched deep into his skin as he furrowed his brows and watched you intently. “And you’re quite.. strong to be able to resist me.” Nudging him playfully beneath the table with your foot, you bumped his shin with a giggle. “You turned me down more than once.” Shrinking back in faux sadness, you set your hand on your heart with a little whimper. Reggie smirked at the innocent face you wore.

“I didn’t have a choice, did I, love. Brotherly bond.” His brows lifted with his words as if testing you to deny him. You didn’t. The table shook as you leaned against it further.

“Do brother’s usually agree to them share a girl if it’s unfair for only one of them to have her?” He shook his head in disbelief and amusement before spreading his legs wider.

“Maybe Ron and I are just special.” He spoke softly. You smiled slowly before standing.

“I agree.” Your fingers traced the length of the table as you moved around it so you could settle down on his lap. It felt so good to be able to do as you pleased. His arm opened, allowing you to sit however you wanted. You straddled his thighs, fingers brushing along his warm cheek as you leaned in to kiss him. “I’m ready for dessert.” You hmphed against his lips.

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Ron had been out all night. The crowded streets were full of honking cars and frustrated drivers. He walked along the pavement, lit cigar clutched between his thick fingers as he lifted it to his lips so he could take a lengthy drag of the thing. His shoes scuffed the cement loudly as he made his way home. Little bits of snow fell from the sky above, kissing his skin before they melted away almost instantly. His glasses were foggy and his pink lips were paling because of the cold temperature. He wore a big coat and a red scarf but it seemed that that wasn’t enough. Dropping his cigar in front of him, he crushed it as he continued to walk. He wasn’t far from the house, just a little ways left to go. A turn here, a turn there, and then a straight shot.

All the lights in the house were off except for Reggie’s light. He assumed, since he didn’t see any movement inside, that Reggie was getting ready for bed and he’d already taken you home. The man opened the front door using the key in his pocket before dropping it in the bowl by the door. Knocking the thing shut, he twisted the lock and headed for the stairs. He had a lot to fill Reggie in on, business wise, and figured that now was just as good a time as any. Climbing the stairs, his heavy shoes thudded noisily against the steps. No matter how hard he tried to be quiet so he didn’t wake his slumbering mother, his attempts were useless. He knocked once on his brother’s door before opening the thing and poking his head in.

“Reg?” His deep voice floated into the room. His eyes landed on the bed, blue eyes sliding along the lump beneath the covers. The sudden movement made him lift a brow. Was his brother really tucked away under the duvet, rolled up in a small ball. The blanket moved and your head popped out from under the covers. You wore a wide grin, one that told him that you were as excited to see him as he was to see you. A bubble formed in the center of his chest.

“Y/N..” He whispered. “I’m sorry.. I didn’t mean to stumble in.” He wasn’t sorry. He had no reason to be. You shoved the blanket off your body and smoothly climbed off the bed.

“You did. That’s alright, it’s only me.” Your fingers lifted to his chest, tracing his tie lazily. “I was expecting to spend the night all on my own. It’s not very easy dating two busy gangsters, is it?” Ron’s lips twitched.

“Well, I’m home for the night.” He told you quietly. “I don’t suppose you’d want to change rooms? My bed is plenty big.” Your brows lifted at his words. As if you hadn’t been in that bed of his plenty of times before.

“Why don’t you show me?” Testing him, you followed the oaf as he started to move backwards. Both of you made your way into the hall, cutting off Reggie’s light and shutting the door before you went to the room parallel. Ron was quick to twist you around and back your little body up and into his bedroom. “This is a lovely surprise.” You whispered, only coming to a halt in your steps when the backs of your knees hit the bed. Ron bit his bottom lip. He’d been waiting for what felt like forever to get you into bed so he could do more than just hold you. Ron held a much more innocent look in his gaze than Reggie had. The second that man got you alone, he’d screwed you. Ron, Ron seemed more cautious. Like he wanted everything to be fair. You saw the silent wonder in his eyes, so you helped to quieten his curiosities. Laying back on the bed, your arms folded beneath your head, legs swinging lazily as they hung off the bed.

Ron licked his lips slowly before moving closer to you. His palms found the space beside your shoulders on the mattress. Lowering himself down, he tipped his head to the side, glasses falling along the bridge of his nose. You reached up and pushed them back into their rightful place before inhaling deeply. In comparison to forwardness, Ron was the more shy one between him and his brother.

You leaned in and kissed him softly, fingertips gliding along his back muscles until they found his lower back. Rolling him over slowly, you straddled his waist and pulled your lips in. The man laid beneath you with a warm look, eyes shining. He wanted this so badly, and you definitely did too. Moving your hands to your blouse, you slowly rolled the shirt up and off of your body before throwing it to the floor.

Ron Kray was a rough lover. The absolutely opposite of Reggie. But he was just as frantic. Feverish. Desperate. You felt like his ultimate goal was to break you in half. Unlike his brother, who left you desperate to suck in gulps of air, Ron forced you to. His hand was wrapped around your throat, squeezing it as he fucked you senseless. Being quiet was impossible. The sounds that left your lips were broken and frayed, noises that shouldn’t leave any person’s lips. You’d had several kinds of sex before, but apparently rough sex wasn’t one of them. Because this, this was unimaginable. The bed beneath you creaked so loudly, it sounded like the springs were going to break and the mattress would topple to the floor. Ron was an absolute beast, groaning and grunting about how good it felt to be buried inside you. You couldn’t even look at him, your eyes had rolled to the back of your head. You felt useless, like you weren’t able to do anything to help him feel good, but you weren’t in control. Ron left you feeling numb, suffocating from how good - what an understatement - he was making you feel.

You were sure violet had woken up. You were positive she was sitting in her room with her hands clamped over her ears as she tried her hardest to drown out the sounds coming from the room above hers. And you were positive that her attempts were all failures because the pair of you were loud enough to wake the neighbor’s next door. Ron hammered himself inside you as if he were trying to implant himself there permanently. You swore he’d gone the hardest and deepest anyone ever had. Reggie had been the best you’d ever had that morning — and now you didn’t know. Reggie was the tenderest and Ron was the roughest and both of those were important to have. When your body couldn’t take anymore and Ron’s couldn’t either, the pair of you had given in to the tingling sensation that built up in your bellies and spread to your groins. You were just a mess of tangled limbs, which moaned and groaned out their appreciation for one another.

Ron’s body was warm as you snuggled up against him. Head laid upon his head, you stroked the hairs that stuck out from his upper body absentmindedly. His lips traced your forehead, whisper’s soft as he ensured that you were alright. You were — for the most part. But he’d drained you of all the energy in your body, so you were exhausted. Falling asleep in someone’s arms was foreign to you, so tonight, you really cherished the feeling, face pressed against his neck and legs tangled with his own. You swore you heard him tell you that he loved you, but maybe that had just been wishful thinking in your exhausted state of mind. Nevertheless, you sleepily whispered it back.

—

Morning was a little awkward. You were sat at the table with Ron, legs crossed beneath the table as violet stared at you with a look of uncertainty. She’d spent majority of her night trying to forget the god-awful sounds implanted in her brain. You fidgeted beneath her stare. Ron was unbothered. He cradled a newspaper in his hand, legs spread wide as he lazily rotated his mug of coffee in his other hand. Guiding the hot liquid to his lips, he took a sip before looking toward you when he sensed your constant urge to glance toward him. He cocked a brow, a silent question to see if you were alright. You smiled lazily before nodding. He returned the gesture, a short nod.

The sound of the door opening and then slamming shut filled the house. Reggie Kray came strolling into the kitchen. His eyes were heavy with exhaustion, back stiff from standing all night and he was ready to crash. He licked his full pink lips as his eyes roamed his family, but when his gaze fell on you, he felt a sense of comfort. He moved around the table and leaned in to give you a very soft kiss.

“Morning, love.” He spoke out gruffly. “You sleep alright?” His question was asked as he moved to the corner to pour himself a cup of coffee. Violet stared at you with accusing eyes, stunned that one of her son’s had shared a bed with you and the other had just greeted you with a kiss. Were you cheating on one of them?

“I did, yes.” You twisted around in your seat. “You look like you didn’t sleep at all.”

Ron wore a little smile at the fact that you’d slept good. He took credit for that seeing as he’d rubbed your back for the entirety of the night.

“I didn’t.” He yawned to prove his point. Grabbing a mug, he filled it to the rim before inhaling deeply. Turning to face you, he smiled softly. “But I’m going to go catch up on some if you want to join me?” Ron’s eyes lifted at the invitation. He looked to you and you looked to him.

“I’m off to the club.” Ron alerted the room. His discreet way of telling you that he didn’t mind. The chair groaned beneath him as he folded the paper up and set it to the side. He finished off his cup of coffee before rising. Kissing his mother’s cheek, he grasped his coat and made his way from the room. You folded your arms before standing. He was really going to have to learn how to bid you goodbye.

“Ron.” You called out before standing. Moving from the room, you rushed after him before hurriedly pinching his sleeve before he could make it out the door. “Where’s my kiss?” You spoke when he looked to you. His lips twitched, heart thumping excitedly against his chest. He twisted around fully so he could pull your little body against his. You received a, soft, lingering kiss before he told you he’d be back tonight. It was comforting to always be around at least one of them. Waving goodbye, you closed the door and twisted the lock before moving back into the kitchen to be with Reggie.

“Nap time?” He smiled slowly, hand extending toward you. You took it happily, eyes roaming his handsome features before you nodded.

“Nap time.”

—

Reggie slept for most of the day. And although that was good for him, you’d been wide awake. Playing with his hair as he slept, counting his breaths and straining your ears for the little sounds he made in his sleep, it was a great way to spend the day. You read. You snacked. It was so peaceful. It was only when Ron came in around 6 that Reggie decided to wake up and as typical as it was, you’d fallen asleep when the three of you had gone to the living room. It was fair in your defense. Ron had kept you up all night and when Reggie was ready to go to bed, you’d just gotten up, so, curled up on the sofa with your big bears only meant you felt safe. Warm. Protected. Sleepy. Ron’s lap was your pillow and Reggie’s was the remainder of your bed.

Reggie set his hand on your calf, absentmindedly caressing the soft skin beneath his fingertips as he leaned his head back against the sofa. The conversations had subsided between the brothers now, all that could be heard was the tv, quietly playing in the corner. Neither of the men were watching it. Ron was captivated by the way your chest rose and fell with your quiet breaths and Reggie was staring at the ceiling, thinking over how the rest of this little agreement was going to go. Who’s bed would you share tonight?

“Reg,” Ron leaned over and nudged his brother. “don’t wake her, mate, she’s had a long fucking night.” His eyes fell to Reggie’s fingers which refused to cease their caresses as they moved higher and higher. A low growl left Ron’s throat before he shook his head and looked down at you. If you woke, upset that you’d been pulled from slumber, it was his brother that would be chewed out, so he didn’t try to halt Reggie again. Adjusting the glasses that rested on the bridge of his nose, he lazily ran his fingers through your hair. You sleepily began to shift when Reggie’s fingers moved even higher. His fingers were warm against your hot skin, featherlight as they continued on their journey, all the way up to the end of your skirt. Reggie couldn’t help but smirk to himself and Ron couldn’t help but watch. He didn’t think it was right to be fiddling with you when you were trying to get some rest, but he kept quiet. Reggie’s fingers grazed the edge of your skirt before, without warning, moved beneath it. Both men looked to your features when a shaky sigh escaped your lips. Your thighs adjusted on Reggie’s lap before your head lulled to the side, heavy breaths wafting over Ron’s crotch. He kept himself tamed though, eyes locked on to the tv now so he wasn’t forced to watch the way your parted lips nearly skimmed his groin. Or the way your breaths shook audibly, effectively visible through the shakes of your chest. Or even the way Reggie’s fingers inched all the way up to your underwear. His eyes closed.

Reggie chuckled lowly as he moved his thumb along your inner thigh. “Look at her.” The man spoke up. “So fucking beautiful, isn’t she.” Reggie’s fingers hooked in your underwear and in one easy, swift movement, the fabric was rolled down your thighs and to your knees. “She’s got no idea what she’s signed up for, dating both of us.” Reggie continued to mumble. His hand slid back inside your skirt, fingers very gentle as they brushed along your slit.

“And what’s that, right, suppose to mean?” Ron looked to Reggie with a furrowed brow before letting his gaze fall back to you when you moaned out softly. A look of concern was plastered on Ron’s face before he looked back to his brother when he repeated the action. Your hips sunk toward his hand and your back arched lightly. Ron laid his hand on your belly to keep ahold of you, preventing you from falling off the sofa. Reggie wore a devilish smirk, continuing to run his digit along your slit and teasingly flick his finger over your increasingly sensitive clit.

“She likes that, mate, look at her.” Reggie grumbled lowly as he watched your peaceful expression morph into one of concentration. Your shaped brows pulled together and your mouth fell open slightly. A little whimper escaped you then, but neither man could tell if it was from pleasure or frustration from being drawn out of your sleep. Ron grumbled incoherently before moving his hand along your stomach. His thumb grazed the bottom of your blouse, tempted to tug the thing loose from its tucked away position inside the waistband of your skirt. “I didn’t mean nothing by that, right, I just meant you’re pretty horny, aren’t you?” Reggie elbowed his brother before clearing his throat as he leaned back against the couch, fingers falling away from you for only a second. The little whimper that left your lips was all the man needed to hear though to give confirmation that you wanted him to continue. The pad of his thumb found your clit and he gently began to rub lazy circles around the bundle of nerves. He didn’t want to wake you, he just wanted to toy with you while you slept.

“Ease up on her, mate, she’s fucking sleeping.” Ron sighed heavily. He wasn’t bothered because of what Reggie was doing, he was just contemplating how you’d respond. And of all the different scenarios that played out in his head, he doubted the one that he wanted to happen most would happen.

“Would you be quiet?” Reggie exhaled louder than he meant to.

“I don’t want you to upset her.” Ron shot a glare toward his brother.

“And how do you, mate, fucking know what she won’t like? Right, maybe she’s been dreaming of me doing this very exact thing to her?” Reggie’s eyes rolled and Ron’s did the same.

“Yeah, that makes a fuck ton of sense, doesn’t it. She’s been daydreaming of being finger-fucked on the sofa while trying to sleep? Christ.” Ron moved his hand to your cheek, tracing your skin slowly before his thumb moved to your lower lip. He supposed between himself and his brother, he fell under the ‘more jealous’ category. He didn’t know where this internal struggle was coming from, but he pressed his lips together to silence himself from arguing with Reggie any further. “Do what you want, mate.” Reggie lifted a brow before doing exactly that.

“I think we’ll soon find out if she likes it or not.” His pointer finger, hidden by your skirt, slid to your entrance. He traced the wet space, caressing it before he slowly inserted his finger into you. Your lashes fluttered before your droopy eyes opened in surprise. Both men were staring down at you with curious gazes. There was no anger on your face or frustration in your gaze, just a pure expression of confusion. And then you felt it. Reggie adjusted his finger inside you, lips twisting upwards when your eyes fluttered shut. You moaned out breathily, small hand moving to the one Ron had laid on your belly. Gripping on to him, you opened your legs further, small foot digging into the couch. Arching your back in the slightest, you shifted to get comfy before moving your free hand south to Reggie’s. His finger thrusted at a steady pace, eyes glued to your expression as you took on a hazy, blissed out look. You leaned up on your elbow, balancing on Ron’s thigh. The big bear-like man looked so innocent, sat beneath you with nothing more than his palm on your tummy. You gripped his collar gently and drew him forward so that he’d kiss you. He did so without complaint. His mouth moved against yours, slow, matching the pace of Reggie’s touch. Both men drew the moans from your parted lips, eyes closed and fingers wrapping around Reggie’s tighter. His free finger moved to your clit, rubbing it simultaneously which drew a shaky gasp from your lips. Crying out breathily against Ron’s lips, your head fell to his shoulder, hips dipping and rocking toward the hand inside your skirt. Ron’s hand moved along your stomach, steadying you so you still didn’t fall from the couch. He stared at you with admiration floating in his gaze. He loved you. They both did.

“My god..” You moaned out pleadingly. “Is this.. how I get to wake up every night that I take a nap on the sofa?” Your words were broken and breathy, causing the twins to strain their ears to hear you. They exchanged a smirk before watching you again. There was a hitch in your breath and a shake in your shoulders. Your head tipped back, lower lip disappearing into your mouth so you could suckle on the pink flesh harshly. Ron moved his hand to your cheek, guiding your lips back to his so he could muffle the cry he knew was going to leave your lips. The last thing they needed was to wake their darling mother. Your moans were effectively stifled as you climaxed. Your thighs pressed together tightly, trapping Reggie’s hand in place so you could draw out the delicious feeling that spread throughout your body.

Reggie and Ron were completely infatuated with the little spasms coming from your body. Reggie was focused on the way your insides clenched around him, twitching and clinging, Ron was breathing heavily from the breathless kiss you’d given him. Both men were stuck, gazing at you. ‘Staring is impolite’ their mother had warned, but neither of them could find the self-control to look away. When Reggie pulled his fingers away and Ron straightened, you sat up, body feeling like jello. You whimpered out before slowly standing on unsteady legs.

“I’ll be right back.” You excused yourself. Both men found you to be too innocent for your own good, externally at least. Your appearance, so young looking. So naive. But you weren’t. You were smart, brave, a good girl with a side to her that could be quite scary if you wanted it to be. Reggie folded his arms, eyes falling to the end of your skirt as it bounced against your thighs. You left the room with a feverish temperature flooding your body. Ron watched the sway of your hips, eyes glazing over with a tint of lust. Which man would get to take you to bed? Nobody knew, but you were going to leave it up to the boy’s. You really didn’t mind. Both men had an equal space in your heart. Half for Ron, and half for Reggie.

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#tom hardy x reader #tom hardy imagine #ron kray x reader #reggie kray x reader #legend fanfic

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redlemonz · 7 years

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Day #20

Feeling content with my loneliness this morning. Even though I do miss her, I think I'm actually accepting this 'forever alone' vibe that's radiating within me. At the same time however, I subconsciously also believe that she's not really that far away no matter what - and maybe it's because we talked into the later hours of last night that I'm content with whatever nothingness that I'm actually experiencing. I don't really know I guess - maybe I'm on some slow track to actual insanity? I can't really smile, but I don't feel sad, or mad or anything much at all except this emptiness within me. I'm not attempting to be insensitive whatsoever here, but I'm quite deafened and muted at this very point. It's the ultimate 'meh' emotion - I don't want to do anything but sit here and contemplate what my purpose to be here even is, because Im just this incredible and unnecessary outlier of an addition to this world. I figured it out in a way now maybe - I'm incredibly detached from the rest of the world at this point, and I don't feel as though I belong here. I'm wide awake but I'm not. Now, the one scary reminiscent factor about this slightly unusual phenomenon for myself is that it resembles a few years ago when I went into some of the deepest and darkest levels of depression I have suffered through. Not that I've currently been given a reason all of a sudden, and it's especially strange timing due to the praise I gave to some of the people in my life, but I just don't have enough faith in humanity in general, especially so for myself. I don't trust myself to be able to live a deserving life that should have been given to another, more willing soul who couldn't experience the luxuries I've been blessed with, but continue to take for granted. I'm just wasting myself away by choice at this point because I don't want to do anything - even go to the gym now (though I really should). Even my head and heart both feel a bit more hollow than usual - I'm not particularly perturbed at this moment but that could be a potentially worse outcome from an outsider's perspective. Trouble is, I'm having difficulty trying to establish what that perspective is, even more so than usual. The usual beauty of my sadness, anxiety and generally great sensitivities and level of emotion is that they humanise me. And I don't have any of that right now. My identity is tarnished as a result, and I'm just an empty soul wandering an afterlife without any motivation or care for anything. It's the only time that I'm truly at peace with the idea, and am accepting of death, as I don't currently have the capability of feeling fear either. It's not something I can just cry out because it won't let me. Maybe I'm possessed - which would explain my lack of humanity at this moment quite well. I could be gone just like that, and it doesn't matter at all. It's a numbing sensation that can't be expressed, as I'm dejected from myself and the world. I've simply right now lost any interest in anything. I'm perfectly satisfied with the accepting of all the guilt that's surpassed me, and also come to the terms with the fact that I just can't do better. I'm okay with not being good enough. It could probably be worrying that the human in me does not currently feel the self loathing and pain that it should in regards to that, because I'm currently transitioning away from that, and into this state of nothingness. Maybe the chemical imbalance in my brain is working these wonders, and giving me a chance to take a break from torturing myself, so that I can simply accept the worthlessness. It's likely just a passing moment however, which will be abolished soon enough surely. I know that I'll certainly end up getting back to the usual day time programming that's mentioned prior in no time. There's certainly one solution to this emptiness that comes to mind, and that's to cure it quite literally. I'm hungry. Day 20 - A thunderous soul She predicted correctly. Although it begun as one of the more beautiful and warmest days with the sun shining radiantly, the evening has turned into quite the exact opposite. It's actually very interesting and enlightening (no pun intended) to me right now because I wasn't sure how to describe or form the needed words as to explain how I was feeling earlier in the day as you may have guessed, but I believe this is first hand an unorthodox, artistic portrayal and display of nature that sums up my inner being right now. This may even be the loudest and brightest experience of thunder and lightning that I've been a part of since I've been residing in this Country. I feel somewhat soothed and content with the fact that Mother Earth is finally dishing out some revenge and punishment back to us all as a race for taking it for granted on a continuous basis. The King of Mt Olympus himself seems to keep striking down these beautiful, electrical bolts, which feel as though they're getting closer and closer each time. The bass of the thunder is absolutely stricken with rage, and it even echoes through the wind with such graceful melody. I want her with me again during this time, as it reminds me of a similar storm that was brewing during the autumn of last year, when the pack was together at my other family home further West. The street was named after the exact same season itself too, and the house was absolutely barren and tucked away a bit in the bushes. There were only a couple couches and blankets, and a lack of technology and reception, meaning it was - nice change to rely on each other for some company, rather than to be glued to mobile devices. We appreciated Mother Nature take its toll that thunderous night also, and peacefully lay there for a while before the skies eased up their temperament. I remember this momentous occasion especially due to the fact that it was one of the defining ones that led to ultimately connecting with her on a deeper level than simply friendship. Because all I knew in that instant, as I still do when I relive it live currently, is that I wanted to wrap my arms around her and secure her no matter what. Even if it's considered some over the top, cheesy or old school gesture in this day and age. So I did. She lay there with me in my arms, with her head switching from resting upon one of those arms, to positioning on my chest. I especially remember when her face turned over to face mine, and she glowed beautifully with the background of the flashing lightning as it struck down. I would brush her hair away from her face, and our lips would be the closest they'd ever been - It felt like the perfect moment to, and I wanted to kiss her so badly, although I didn't. Mainly because I didn't want to ruin or take the leap in that very moment, and risk spoiling that precious occasion that our souls shared together. But also because the other two members of the pack were present nearby in our vicinity of course. It may have been a slightly different story if they weren't present, but they were indeed a key contributing reason for all of us being together in the first place after all, so I'm grateful for that. Every flash of lightning now reminds me of that spectacle, and her glistening, and brings a smile to my face. So in celebration of that, as I somewhat returned to detached version of reality - my in-humanised self of the day decided to physically embrace the storm. As a result of that memory and the way I've been feeling, or had a lack thereof rather, I pulled myself up to simply walk outside into my backyard. I opened the door, stepped onto the wet grass and spread my arms out wide as the rain pelted down on me, and drenched my soul with the rejuvenation it required. I lay down on the grass, my eyes barely managing to remain open, and with blurred vision as the water unstoppably continued to blind me. I folded my arms behind my head and watched (as much as I could) as the skies continued to have their bender of a party, and the bright flashes around me invited me into the heavens to join them. Finally - an uncommon and unexpected friend who understood me, and struck back the sense of humanity in me with her shrieks.

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