#i feel like the only fat person who has to shop at the ACTUAL 'made for really fat people' stores instead of normal fat people who shop at

[sunkern-plus]

TFW my body is so abnormally shaped that I probably can't even find a swimsuit or a bra from torrid or lane bryant (aka the fashionable fat fashion places) and I have to resort to lands end and woman within

#i feel like the only fat person who has to shop at the ACTUAL 'made for really fat people' stores instead of normal fat people who shop at #the fashionable places and even can shop online at fashionable stores whereas i cant reliably find fashionable clothes that fit anywhere #aside from target and ive tried torrid and the only things that fit from there have an elastic waisy #oh well. i WILL make 'fat person who can only wear woman within and lands end' acceptable queer fashion again. i will will it #into existence again (im sure there were fat afab queer people in the 2000s and earlier who could only wear woman within and mens clothing) #(though tbf ive seen a lot of trans women on review sites for woman within bras and stuff so) #(guess i have another thing in common with 'nonpassing' trans women) #(which tbh i dont mind i share a lot of interests with trans women and transfems i meet online but. i feel weird as an afab tme person not) #(being able to relate to other afab tme people)

[betterbemeta]

Hi hello and welcome people who like the fat girl vampire post!

I made it 8 years ago in response to having graduated a while earlier, as I struggled to actually get jobs with my shiny new degree.

I rarely presented femme in my life before I had to dress up for interviews, and for in-person work. I was always 'kind of terrible at it', partially because I have always been fat and that interferes with 'doing girl correctly' to a lot of our society.

Having to work as an adult likely contributes to being fatter than my previous norm, which was maintained despite walking miles between school and home, biking at college, etc.

I wrote the fat girl vampire post, thinking that the things that fat women often deal with (intersection of fatphobia and misogyny?), have to do with presence and absence. Vampires, when the trope isn't discussing class (?) also are often about presence and absence:

A fat girl is not invited to parties or events because she is pushed away from society in favor of those who are seen as just a bit more human. A vampire can't enter your house unless invited; they lack the social agency of a living person.

A fat girl is not photographed because someone does not like how she'll look in a group. Or she is covertly photographed to humiliate over how much space she takes up in public. A vampire can't be photographed because they are dead, their image can't be captured, they aren't 'there', or they do not have a soul to capture on a silver exposure plate. And yet their absence from the photograph is jarring, their 'space' they take up is obvious.

A fat girl is terrorized into avoiding mirrors, a vampire avoids mirrors.

etc.

Although I enjoy many feminine fashions and took away a lot of knowledge from that part of my life, I began experiencing a strange alienation when I would 'dress up,' as if I was in costume or in disguise. Some of this was probably due to the artificiality of it all. I only 'needed' to wear more feminine things to go to work, which is the means to an end of Get Money. But I also bought and wore things I genuinely liked, that weren't completely for the work type of costume. So that wasn't the end of it.

I reasonably considered, most women don't feel like they are assuming a form, or are in costume, when they present in public. This stuff clued me in to identifying as agender, and nonbinary. I wonder if I had been a skinny child, if I would feel the same way. Or would being given a 'full life' as a woman instead of a 'half life,' have conditioned me differently?

Because our world really doesn't know what to do with agender people, I still most frequently 'assume the form of' a woman for social reasons, and I can even enjoy it... in the way you can enjoy wearing a costume sometimes. I can't say I am no longer connected to 'womanhood' even if I definitely do not have a cisnormative relationship with it.

It's interesting to me to see that ancient post circulating now, with an artist's work attached to it. I love the artwork, and I adore the artist's work and size inclusive clothing shop. In context to my specific experience though, I find it funny that the fat girl vampire is pictured to be so effortlessly feminine in her existence. She's as close to the default as she can be and still be seen to be fat. She has 'assumed the form', too...

[violet-kink-rambles]

So, finally hit that first goal weight huh? I’m proud of you piggy, it’s summer time and instead of doing what every normal person does… you’re doing the opposite. The only question now is if it’s enough. After the first 20lbs you said you’d stop, but you couldn’t so you set a “hard limit” of another 20. But now you’re 40lbs fatter than when you started, all that extra weight is just so sexy right? The thought of another 20 is scary, invigorating even, so why do you feel like you need it?

By now in your life you must’ve heard the mantra “don’t stare into the abyss for too long or else it will stare back into you”. But despite that you chose to stare, you chose to take the plunge you chose this. Now you’re a bit scared. You’re up 40lbs from the start, all of your clothes don’t fit now except for the stretchy stuff.. and if we’re being honest, it’s time to replace those too. So what’ll you do piggy? Throw on your least tight clothes, head to the mall, ignore the food court, and get workout clothes in your size? Or are you gonna throw on something tight, go to the mall, and hit the food court to stuff your fat fucking face before shopping for new clothes to outgrow?

I’ll be the first to support you either way, the real question is will you support your decision. If you choose to try and lose weight will you even be able to? All of that gorging to pack on 40lbs in the first place has really done a number on your psyche. I’d put money on it that you’d try to lose weight but effectively just slow down your gain for a couple months. I’d bet you’d tell yourself “I don’t wanna weigh myself often, I’ll just do it once a month”, and that’s where you made the mistake.

People who actually want to lose weight weigh themselves pretty regularly, every day even, that’s because they know they’re trying hard and want to lose weight desperately. That’s not you. No, you have a fetish, and the moment you stopped being a spectator and became a participant was the moment that you couldn’t stop. You stared into the abyss, and the abyss consumed you. If you keep going down this path then maybe just maybe you can wait within the feedism abyss and be a siren call attracting more innocent feedees to come join you.

I wonder how far you will go for your own pleasure.

#violet rambling #bellies on the mind #send an ask with a prompt and maybe I’ll write smth about it

[autisticempathydaemon]

Greetings, I was referred to try these matchups by a friend of mine who had roped the rest of our house into their shenanigans so here I am: 1. Currently, it's Whose Honey Are You by Fats Waller, particularly:

"Please tell me, Have you really made your mind up Who it's gonna be? Don't you think, before we wind up, We're terrific, you and me!" it reminds me of an old club I met my spouse in and it's been coming back to my mind recently. 2. My enneagram type is Type Eight, the challenger. 3. Not truly, I enjoy documentaries but those kinds of videos ain't my cup of tea. I'm more inclined towards music. 4. I did not have an imaginary childhood friend, not that one I can remember anyways, it's been some time since I was a child. 5. Typically I don't sleep as much but I do like to do so after reading for a bit. 6. I would change it to Leopold. I don't have much of reason, I just like the name 7. I happen to like Aaron's "Your Tsundere Boss Boyfriend wants to talk" audio, it feels real in a sense and shows a lot of maturity in handling a relationship that I appreciate seeing. 8. I don't seem to get the appeal behind David Shaw, he just seems too much like a tough head and needs to get his ass beat 9. Despite their quality, I do like the Hallmark drama movies, not because I enjoy them but they're just fun to mock as I watch them. One that I know is "Til Death Do Us Part: An Aurora Teagarden Mystery" on account of how much a friend of mine watched it while I was around. 10. I do like Aaron, he's has a good head on his shoulders, I can see myself having a good talking with him over dinner. 11. I usually talk about history when I ramble, I've learned enough where I can speak on it and if I'm caught in a mood then I would be caught rambling for too long 12. I don't much indulge in that kinda food, I'm more inclined to a home-cooked meal. Something like Jambalaya would do well for me. 13. My favorite playlist would have to be one my spouse set up for me with my favorite Jazz musicians in there, I listen to it here and there. 14. I suppose the answer to this would be the same to number eight, which is hallmark movies. 15. Something else that I feel could help you to know about me is that...I like having people in my life, I don't act like it much but I do appreciate them all. I also play the Cello and I run my own shop for charms and occult items.

Hmmm… actually, let’s be real. That “hmmm…” is not real, because it’s so obvious who your match would be. How could I pair you with anyone but Camelopardalis?

Like, you like to talk about history? Awesome, Cam was there for the history (because I will believe he’s old as hell until god tells me otherwise.) You like maturity, honesty, and transparency in your relationships? Cam’s literally a therapist; I would hope he’s got all those on lock. I think your personalities and your lifestyles would be instantly compatible, and you two would connect queerplatonically or romantically with ease.

Oh, and what an easy, lovely life it would be, Cam being a perfect fit in your household. He’d get along so well with your spouse, as he strikes me as an amicable person to get along with. He loves jazz and the sound of your cello; perhaps you two even play together. (I could see Camelopardalis having picked up the piano in all of his years.) He’s an avid reader with a huge collection, so he frequently shares with you, giving you good recommendations for things to read before bed. He loves to loiter around the shop and watch you work, maybe watching the till while you’re in the back or knitting behind the counter on slower days. (Really, the only point of disagreement I could think of is that he genuinely, unironically loves Hallmark movies.)

Song:

Like a song of love that clings to me/ How the thought of you does things to me/ Never before has someone been more/ Unforgettable/ In every way/ And forevermore/ That's how you'll stay

One, it’s a jazz love song classic- the jazz love song classic, if you will. It’s also sweet, singable, and a little somber, perfect for slow dancing in the shop while the rain keeps the customers and bad things away. Two. I couldn’t resist, given Cam’s job in memory modification; it was too punny.

Runner-ups:

Hmm, so James was a pretty compelling option for you. I like his vibes as a match, but he strikes me as more of a platonic, social companion than a romantic one. Vega is a runner-up, because imagining him in your occult shop is really funny and charming. Like, that’s a sitcom right there.

note: @mr-laveau come get yo juice

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

#redactedasmr #redactedverse #redacted asmr #redactedaudio #redacted audio #redacted #busybee matches

[succubus-nini]

My darling Bakerᰔᩚ

Fatgum x Black!Reader

When Fat gum first met you, he was hooked. But you were stubborn, as a black person is, So he just wins you over, step by step.

Quirk: Ivy. You are practically Ivy from Marvel, Only if you overuse your quirk, you will very well die because the plant quirk makes you pretty immune to shit. So when you do get sick, HELLA Fatal🥰

Y/N was a owner of the Bakery downtown, "The Blooming Garden" . The bakery was your dream since you were little, as you weren't exactly(allowed/ didn't want to/ wasn't qualified ect. ) to be a hero.

You loved your bakery. It was your pride, your livelihood. You couldn't imagine being without your bakery because of a villain. It was too horrible for you to imagine.

The first time you met Fat gum was when he was in his slim form and needed to refill. Fatgun was around 5'11 or 6'0, you couldn't tell.

Now in his normal form, he's a solid 8'2. But you've never seen Fatgum, nor his slim form. So you, the innocent baker, though he was just a new customer.

"Wow.. I didn't expect a actual garden..-" He said, genuinely impressed at the flowers and vines that gave the place a cozy meadow vibe. Taishiro would look at the baker who was kneading some dough and his heart skipped a beat.

Why were you so perfect? The way the afternoon sun hit your dark skin and how your hair swayed with each movement of your hands, he thought he had died and went to heaven.

It took you a minute to notice the tall man. Once you did you smiled warmly at him and stopped what you were doing. "Welcome to my Bakery! What is on your cravings list Today dear?"

Oh sweet cinnamon rolls you done got this man way to deep

His face flushed a bright pink and he smiled nervously. "Ah- Well I'm new around here so, Can I get one of everything?" He asked, taking notice your taken aback expression.

Not once did ANYBODY say they wanted one of everything. That's damn near 150 dollars. You raised a eyebrow and huffed.

"Listen, I get you are new to this bakery, but I don't do things like that unle-" You paused as he got out cash money. So he was serious??

"How much would that be?" He asked, smiling at you with that bright aura of his. It was obvious he didn't hear what you were just saying as he was absorbed into his own world.

"... 150.00-" Y/N sighed in defeat, going behind the counter and putting one of every baked sweet you had in their assortment boxes, then proceeding to hand him the bag after ringing up the items.

The hero smiled even brighter at how you had given up on denying him and just snickered at how adorable your pout was. "Cute.." He mumbled before turning to walk out the door.

"Bye hun, See you soon." Taishiro said, eating a blueberry muffin as the door jingled at his exit.

A hour later you were closing up shop when you remembered him. "Seriously, Is he ok.." You muttered.

After closing the bakery you couldn't help but feel a bit more uneasy at how dark it was.

"Is it seriously 7:00?" Y/N questioned she made her way back to her house. Now you weren't dumb or oblivious, so you noticed it quickly when you felt the eyes of a unknown person on you after walking past a alleyway.

You especially knew it was on you went past the police station and the feeling you were being watched dismissed only after you past said police station.

Eventually you paused and turned around, dropping your bag with a clenched fist next to you and staring into the darkness that you just left. You opened your mouth and intensified your stare.

Being the one person who has actively planned out a death but never went through with it you just stood there. The offender took a step towards you and you instantly lifted your hand. He raised an eyebrow as you opened your mouth to speak.

"Alright you disgusting stalker weirdo come on over so I can knock some sense into you.." Y/n said through gritted teeth as she rolled her sleeves up and prepared herself for a fight.

The person stepped into view and smiled. "Why there's no need to be violent baby, we can talk this out at my place with a bottle of wine, what do you say?" This guy was a new female offender, as he was now known for stalking women before convincing them to go with him, then he'd kill them.

"Touch me and you lose your ability to tell you mouth from your ass." You said, Your hair now covering your eye as the guy ran and laid a nasty finger on your shoulder.

The next morning you were at the bakery, making some cinnamon rolls that was called in, along with some beef teriyaki, when Fatgum in his fat form and his work study students walked in. The red-haired one looked around in awe at how nature themed the place was. The purple haired one with his hood up just stayed hidden behind Fatgum.

You didn't know any of them. You remembered faces, and Fatgum seemed similar to the guy who came in yesterday, the jackets were the same. As you finished frosting the cinnamon rolls, you heard the red one say how Manly your bakery was. It made you snicker at how honest he sounded.

"Why thank you, built it myself and nearly died." You said as the red one's eyes widened. You took notice of all three's shocked expression as some other customers walked in with gifts. You were quite confused, it wasn't (birthday) yet, was it??

Just as you doubted, it was your birthday. These people were your friends from high school, and some recent friends who frequent your café. They all focused on you, not even sparing The three a word other than "Excuse me." or "Morning." before smothering you in endless love and support.

You got them to settle down just enough to apologize to Fatgum, Kirishima and Amajiki. "I deeply apologize about this. I don't know why but around these parts of town my birthday has become some time of celebration."

You said before packing up the large cinnamon rolls and the beef teriyaki. "And it's on the house." After handing the two boxes to Fatgum everyone walked out the bakery and gave you enough space to close it early for the day.

"Oh yeah, Y/N you have a stain that looks like blood on your bag." One of your friends said and you deadpanned you slowly turned to them with murder in your eyes. "I killed someone before opening the bakery." You said, making it unable for everyone else to tell if you were serious or not.

"I'm joking!" You said, flicking their nose. "It's ketchup from the spaghetti I had last night." Y/n laughed and her friends laughed. "You are a dark person." Your male friend said before both of your friends walked you away to you're favorite hangout spot, leaving Fatgum and his students standing at the bakery.

A/n- This is gonna be a part one and I'll work on the dabi part two when I wake up tomorrow. Love y'all <3

#mha fatgum #bnha fatgum #taishiro toyomitsu #black y/n #bnha #fatgum fic #boku no hero #bnha fluff #bnha imagine #bnha fanfiction #bnha imagines #fatgum x reader #baker Y/n #Y/n killed someone #fatgum fluff #bnha x black!reader #fatgum x y/n #fatgum x you #fatgum x black reader

[sunderwight]

loosely inspired by this excellent post.

human sex worker crowley s2 au where crowley has worked at mrs. sandwich's shop since before it was mrs. sandwich's shop (previously madam tracey's new age 'massage parlor'), having gotten into the biz back when he was in his 20's to help pay off some debts and never really gotten back out

it's not angsty, though. or at least not about the sex work part. crowley's been back to school and gotten a degree in engineering and he's picked up a handful of trades, worked other jobs here and there, he just generally doesn't like keeping to a strict schedule and enjoys the extra money on hand, so even when he's got another gig he usually keeps touch with the other workers and dips back in whenever the situation calls for it

the pandemic was harder than he let on though. between the drop in business and the rise in costs of living he lost his flat and has been living out of his car for a while (not that he's told anyone)

aziraphale has been his consistent client since he first started out and they were fresh-faced youths. crowley spotted a cute guy radiating gay vibes leaving a bookshop one evening and did a bit of (ordinary human) temptation, and the fussy young mr. fell tentatively ventured a couple steps out of his transparent closet and ended up buying the rogue dinner. paid for his time too, without even purchasing anything off crowley's own personal menu that night at all

(for clarity, aziraphale has known that crowley was a sex worker since they met but he has conflicted feelings about the purchasing of such 'wares' due to his strict religious upbringing and such, so it took a while before he bit the bullet. as it were)

anyway crowley is aziraphale's only paid-for companion and aziraphale is the only client who crowley has kept consistently for some 30 years (they've been off-and-on a few times, but never longer than a year), so they're definitely friends even though it can get awkward because actually they're in love because az is still in the closet to his distant-yet-scary family and church and crowley still sometimes gets organized crime contacts coming after him (it's a whole thing) plus he hasn't much of a mind to live in aziraphale's closet

matters come to a head when aziraphale's distant cousin gabriel flees the family and shows up at aziraphale's doorstep, naked and with amnesia and probably on drugs of some sort (so aziraphale assumes)

without having any idea of how to handle this situation, aziraphale calls crowley, because at least crowley knows how to tell if someone is at risk of dying from an overdose on weird amnesia shrooms and other useful things of that nature (and also because aziraphale doesn't know anyone else he'd call for an emergency of this magnitude and actually expect to get help from)

crowley recollects gabriel as aziraphale's asshole cousin who didn't help when the bookshop caught fire a few years ago, and even made a cruel joke to his buddies about how it was a shame that aziraphale hadn't gone up in flames along with his stupid books. so. crowley is not terribly sympathetic and thinks aziraphale should just drop him in a ditch somewhere

but aziraphale is determined to help, which means crowley gets roped in

crowley gets even more roped in when it then turns out that some of his old contacts are looking for gabriel too, for some reason (???) and are once again knocking on crowley's door (or at least turning up at his car) to insist that they know gabriel's probably hiding somewhere in the vicinity and if crowley finds him and turns him over, they'll finally let bygones be bygones and give him a big fat cash reward

an approximation of s2's plot ensues. I don't know how crowley and aziraphale get over-invested in the coffee/record shop lesbians without the miracle angle but it still happens somehow. they project a lot. amnesiac gabriel/jim is easy to hide only because they dress him like a nerd and muss up his hair so he doesn't look like any of his glossy cult headshot photos, and most of the people searching for him have never personally met him and aren't looking for an idiot in multilayered sweaters. muriel is from the cult but means no harm. turns out gabriel went on a really bad trip but his memory's starting to come back, he was trying drugs to impress crimelord beelzebub. who met him because of the above mentioned bookshop fire, and who still runs away with him at the end. aziraphale's manipulative family patriarch also turns up at the end to ruin everything. and aziraphale and crowley have a LOT of sex and feelings throughout.

does the divorce still happen? uncertain. on the one hand, aziraphale is still struggling with his baggage, but on the other hand, his family/cult is not quite so powerful or able to threaten him and crowley in this situation. love may win out.

#good omens #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #sex work mention #crowley and aziraphale getting the shadwell and tracey happy ending in the south downs maybe? #or aziraphale goes back to try and fix his awful family and crowley cries into his sunglasses

[whats-wild-to-you]

ok id like to ask for one where the reader is insecure about her thighs being bigger so she has the habit of covering them or moving away when he tries to touch them

then he notices and is all cute and shit and reassures her

then adding in a ”plus… more of u to love while i f--k u“

smut is not needed but greatly appreciated

this ask is so long LOL sorry if its really specific

thank u if u choose to write it (:

why do I feel like Jay might be having a thicc thigh kink? 😏

___________________________________________

"Hey babe, wanna go shopping together?"

Whenever Jay sounded this excited about something, I knew I didn't stand a chance. Resistance was futile, so I nodded and we went on our way.

Strangely, Jay was dragging me towards the women's section of the department store, while I was trying to steer him towards the men's section.

"Wow, look! Isn't this a nice dress?" He asked, holding up a yellow dress that was definitely much too short for my liking.

"When did you start cross-dressing?" I joked in hopes of confusing him.

He ignored my comment and held the hanger in front of me. When I made a disgusted face, he quickly put it down.

"You're right. That's not your color! What about something like this then?" He said more to himself, holding up a pastel green babydoll.

"Not exactly your style, but I bet you can make it work!"

"Be serious for a second!"

"I am! I thought you wanted me to come with you for advice! Had I known you'd be dragging me to the women's section, I would've stayed at home!"

Furious, I stomped off, remembering we had passed by an ice cream place on our way here.

Summer was my personal hell. Not because I couldn't stand the heat, or because I was constantly sweating. No, it was because of my body. My thighs to be more precise.

While everyone told me they were fine, I was always hellbent on hiding them. It worked out better in the colder months, but in the summer I was suffering because of the maxi dresses and long pants I made myself wear.

'Who the eff cares about if your thighs are a little thick?', my best friend would say. 'Nobody's perfect!'

But the thing was, Jay damn near was. How he decided to ask me out on a date when he was surrounded by much prettier girls, would forever remain a mystery to me. But he did. He chose me, and after a while I learned to overlook the nasty, jealous looks I got from those girls. Those with the perfect bodies, not an once of excess fat and thigh gaps. I long suspected that Jay knew about my insecurities, especially since I never let him touch my thighs when we were getting frisky. Anything below my waist was off-limits for his hands.

"Here you are! I've been looking for you!"

"Please! Where else would I be?" There was sarcasm in my voice and Jay sighed before he grabbed my hand and dragged me out and onto the parking lot.

"Where are we going? You didn't buy anything!" Suddenly I felt bad that my immature, insecure self ruined Jay's shopping trip.

"I don't need anything. I wanted to get you something though."

"What? One of those outfits? The only thing you could've gotten me in there were their giant plastic bags."

Jay knew not to cut in when I was going on and on in one of my many self-descructive rants. All he did was place his right hand on my thigh, as he steered through traffic with his left.

Damn, he looked hot doing it! How the hell am I dating that guy? I immediately stopped mid-sentence.

"I think you would look incredible in those outfits! I want to buy them for you! In fact, I'll come back here tomorrow and I will."

"I doubt I'd be wearing such clothes, you know m-"

He squeezed my thigh lightly, which made me shut up once again.

"You're beautiful, your body is perfect. I love every inch of it!"

"Well, I don't."

"You should. I actually had planned the whole afternoon, but I think right now what I need to do is take you back home and up your bedroom, so I can show you what I mean!"

I rolled my eyes at him, but giggled nonetheless. "I mean, you could try!"

#jay park #more soju please #park jaybum #park jaebum #park jaebeom #ask request #anon request

[wat-the-cur]

Have some more random OFAH headcanons (Mostly Trigger-based, with some other characters sprinkled in, because I love them, too)

- Around the time his family moved to London, Denzil inherited one of his older brothers’ jumpers. It was black, and fuzzy and really soft. Denzil wore it almost every day for months, as a sort of security blanket, and he kept it until it fell apart.  

- Julie the barmaid uses peach scented hand cream. 

- Monkey Harris is adopted. He does not know who his birth parents are, and he has never cared to find out. 

- Pauline Harris is Monkey Harris’ cousin by adoption. He hates her. 

- While I’m talking about Monkey, he has had a fat crush on Trigger since they were teenagers, but he is closeted, and his love for his wife later on prevented him from ever acting on his feelings. This, though, is why he continuously teamed up with Trigger in the early days, despite the fact he never brought many, if any ideas to the table and was really only good at nicking things. He wanted to keep him close. He started leaving Trig out of his schemes after deciding it was unfair on both Trigger and his wife, hence why Trigger only engages in solo petty thefts later on in the series. 

- Trigger has had brief relationships with a few of the barmaids at The Nag’s Head. Most notably, Joycie, Julie and Maureen. His affair with Joycie actually pre-dated her barmaid days. They dated for a time in the early seventies. Joycie  has been heavily involved in the leather scene for years. Trigger was not, but he happily gave it a try to please Joycie, with whom he had his first healthy relationship after a string of bad ones. The two made a readers’ page in a leather magazine that Joycie was subscribed to. Her dressed as a jockey, he as a horse, under the pseudonyms Jockey Joyce and Sweeps the Stallion. Years later, Del-Boy bought a job lot of old dirty magazines from a sex shop that was closing down, much to the chagrin of Albert and (to an extent) Rodney. Rodney was not so upset as to turn down a gift of whichever magazine he fancied. He chose Joycie and Trig’s mag in the hope of a few uniforms, only to recognise Trigger’s eyes peeking at him over a long, leather horse snout. Del and Rodney quickly buried the magazine in the pile and swore never to speak of it. 

- Joycie is Nervous Nerys’ aunt.  

- Trigger used to walk both Karen and Nerys home, on nights when they had no transport.  - Lisa, Trigger’s niece, had a crush on Karen in secondary school. Trigger was the first person she told, making him promise not to tell her mum.  - Lisa’s dad walked out on her mum, before she was born. Trigger stepped in and sat with his sister through the birth. During the first year of Lisa’s life, Trigger lived with them, as an extra pair of hands to feed, or sooth his niece when needed. As a result, he is very protective of Lisa. When Andy stepped into her life, Trigger, as well as Lisa’s mum, gave him the talk. Trigger may not be too good with words, but he did tell Andy about the day Lisa was born, that a brother is no substitute for a husband, and neither is an uncle. He managed to make it clear what would happen if Andy left Lisa when she needed him, but fortunately there was no need.  - Rodney suffers with reoccurring eczema, and he’s pretty insecure about it.  - Marlene is bisexual and had several girlfriends, as well as boyfriends, before settling with Boycie. I like to think that one of those girlfriends was a girl called Sybil, who would go on to marry a Bazil Fawlty. She also harboured a bit of a crush on Raquel.  - Besides the heart on her thigh, Marlene has quite a few tattoos that are hidden under her clothes.  - When he was still in school, Boycie was sent to therapy for anger management. His passion for keeping fish started from this, as he was advised to get a goldfish to help him calm down.  - Despite not being their father, Mike actually gets on really well with his ex-wife’s kid and always sends them christmas and birthday presents.  - Trigger had terrible trouble tying his shoelaces, until Del Boy showed him the bunny ears method. He uses it to this day. 

- Denzil moved in with Trigger during a rough depressive episode, and decided to stay when they found they both liked the arrangement.  - Corinne collects prettily painted mugs, and has a special selection of ones with birds on them. 

- The pink hat that Trigger said was stolen at a party, was actually a woman’s hat that he bought in the sixties, during his dandy phase. He loved it so much that none of his friends had the heart to tell him it was made for a girl. He wore it everywhere. 

- When Trigger was young and first started to experience auditory hallucinations, his Grandma told him that it was just the spirits trying to talk to him. As she was a medium, little Trigger believed her. In actuality, Alice Ball was aware of what the issue really was, but did not want Trigger to know. This was because his mother, Elsie, had been sent to a psychiatric hospital for the same thing, and had been subjected to malpractice. She was never the same again, and Arthur and Alice grew a complete distrust of psychiatry. Trigger did not realise until a significantly late age, that his condition was actually a mental one, having been told to keep the “voices” a secret. 

#headcanons #only fools and horses #ofah

[shannaraisles]

Rant incoming - body image negativity warning

So I'm a big girl, right? Fat, that's the word. I am fat.

Not only am I fat, I am unattractively fat. I am not an hourglass, or a pear. I have no shape. I have big tits, no waist, and no arse. So naturally clothes shopping is a fucking nightmare.

I gave up on shopping in actual shops more than a decade ago. The "plus sized" shops back then only provided clothing that was designed to make you feel fatter, OR was in black to "hide" your shape. Shopping for clothing was something to be done in shameful silence, and gods forbid you ever had to try something on. I was always certain the girls manning the changing rooms - who could have chosen anything in that shop to wear and found it in their size - I was always certain they were laughing at me, the fat woman who thought she might possible be able to fit more than one thigh into the dress she was holding.

I never could fit more than one thigh in. I always returned what I had tried on to the shelf or rack myself, rather than face the sheer mortification of allowing those girls to know I admitted defeat in the face of so-called fashion standards.

I wore mens clothing for years. I lived in hoodies and jeans. I hid away everything about myself.

Then I fell in love, and thanks to this amazing woman, I am coming out of my shell. I have started to wear dresses and colours again. I dare to take up the space that my body demands of me, and most of the time, I'm getting good at ignoring the judginess I percieve in others around me.

And then comes a day like today.

I need to find a dress for a wedding. I am going to be in the company of hundreds of people I have never met before, at a summer function, in the middle of fucking nowhere. The only person I will know is my girlfriend - I'm only really passing acquaintances with the bride and groom. So I NEED to be able to fit in. I cannot stand out in this crowd. I cannot let myself have a panic attack in a fancy mansion house surrounded by strangers, I cannot do that to my girlfriend. I need to go into this feeling like I have gathered the best armour I can to face my own anxieties and my perception of how others see me.

But I have spent two hours looking through dresses on the internet. I have seen several I like, but there are problems ... I'm too big, or they don't stock the size I am, or their measurements don't match the conventional sizing they're claiming to use, or they're made out of fabric that will turn me into a sweaty monster, or they're just too fucking expensive because obviously the stores have to charge a quarter or more above the standard rate for a plus sized product.

I am close to tears, and my girlfriend is aware of this. She has set out food for an early supper, and I am not touching it. She knows how I work, she knows I am now struggling with my own self image and if I'm not caught up on it, I will just not eat for the next however many hours until I physically HAVE to in order to prevent myself getting ill.

How the fuck has the fashion industry been allowed to get away with this? Is their fucking profit margin really so much more important than the mental health of more than half the population? (Yes, I am including men's fashion in this, because I'm damned sure there are many men out there who experience the same insecurities and terrors and push back when they attempt to buy clothing that flatters them.)

Oh, wait ... fucking capitalism.

Fuck off.

#tw: body image #negativity #tw: mental health #i'm angry and upset #and at this point #certain i'm going to let my girl down at this wedding by looking like my mother #great society my fucking arse

[sweetswesf]

Check In

What I Did

Cleaned

Shopped for a new pair of jeans

Sent some friends some Christmas gifts

Led my professional black software engineering group last minute after the original leader couldn't make it

Online shopped for some Carhartt overalls

Reread an old journal...it happened to be a retelling of one of the hardest moments in my relationship with my mom that I think about often

Got invited to ride down to LA by a person I thought didn't want anything to do with me...she may just be using me, but, hey, whatever, I benefit from this situation too...

What I Learned

A lot of people care for me

Don't wait...tomorrow is not promised

But also...wait on God...

Don't be so quick to write people off

Don't be so quick to give people so much information

Feeling

A lot of days recently I have been feeling lonely despite the outpouring of support and check ins I've been receiving...I really want a romantic love...a friend asked if I was talking to anyone, and since about February of this year, I've had NO ONE that I was talking to in a sort of flirty stage

I know God has something great for me

Impatient...impatient for love, friendship, a new job, my family situation to get better, the scale to go down, to move...I constantly have to remind myself, "just wait..."

Bad that I doubted some folks...

Kinda paranoid, NGL, but I need to remind myself God's at the helm

Sad I've got looks from so many companies, some of which I really want to be at...and I am just not prepared...despite me working really hard...

Reading old posts I made made me really sad...I repress so many bad memories that, reading it back, made me feel a bit better about taking this time away to heal...it was so long that I had to stop reading...so much stuff I willfully forgot the minor details of but never forgot the major events and how they made and still make me feel

Kind of tired and that I need a helper...I

Shopping & internet are distractions

Nervous...I think of my gym crush a lot, but that's only because I'm more desperate for male attention right now, and he's the ONLY consistent one that I see every day...I've got a feeling that he may be curious about me but I've been wrong before and I don't want to be wrong this time because truthfully, I don't think he's who I should be with...not sure if it is lust, loneliness, or if it would actually be good to explore a relationship with him...it's times like these where I need to just go with my gut and listen more in my prayers about it

Hearing that another colleague has already done about 40 algorithms and I have only done a fraction of that, made me feel like I've been wasting time, but I have been making progress...I do need to make a little more though...time goes by fast

Glad that I waited on God and didn't go down to LA, because now I've got a trip out...and I bought the 2nd plane ticket by accident, but I guess it wasn't an accident, because now I'm going down and will use it on the way back up!

Takeaways

I should read the resources my therapist recommended

I want to stop dwelling on the past

I'm going to switch up my study schedule and focus more on algos

I'm not sure if I'm ready to stop being so hard on myself...I don't know if I am or not...

How I Got Myself Out of a Rut

Cooked for myself and ate the food that I had in my fridge, not the pizza I knew I really wasn't going to like after a few bites or food from elsewhere

Prayed

Finally decorated my Christmas tree

Goals Completed

Found a therapist

Stopped listening to people worried about their own circumstances and remembering God works on his own time and that I am in no rush...

Got back on the ball

Being kinder to myself and stopping guilting myself if my energy isn't always on 100%

Goals After Today

Strengthen my relationship with God

Understand the main concepts I need to from Interview Cake, AlgoExpert, etc. in 6 months, NOT less than 3

Drop my body fat percentage to Marion Jones, Michaela Cole, or Jade Cargill levels

Consistently fight urge to fill up my time with social media/YouTube

Fully forgive my family & build a great relationship with them

Be more confident & faithful

250 steps/hour & 10k steps/daily consistently

Drink more than 64oz a day consistently

Go on a date with a guy I actually like who actually likes me too

Learn more about my gym crush & get him to ask for my number

Get a house similar to that one in Spain

Update my personal app

#Youtube #tech #software engineering #software engineer #check in #black in tech #black in the bay #san francisco #silicon valley #engineer #python #black women in tech #women in tech #startup #layoff #100 days of python #100 days of code #programming #coding #pytest #systems engineer #LA #lizzo #christmas #christmas tree

[autumnimagining]

Saw you kinda freaking on that calorie post

My best advice is to build muscle. Do t focus on fat loss or the scale focus on eating healthy and make sure your body is healthy and building muscle. Obvs through cardio in if you enjoy it, but like focusing on body composition is more helpful that weight. And with some of the stuff you mentioned, yea, you can't perfect them and learning that your body is not something to sculpt and mold and behold and instead something to live it and love is both extremely difficult, speaking from experience, and extremely helpful. Find ways to move your body that feels good. For me that's, hiking, surfing, skiing, yoga and lifting. Focusing less on what your body looks like and more how you can use it helped me a lot. Speaking as a former anorexic and someone who's now in the overweight category on the BMI, but is also the healthiest and most generally content with life I've ever been.

I don't remember much about the post in question but I've been trying to think of how to respond to this. The response I've got here isn't the most thought-through or eloquent or anything. It's just. A response.

I hate my body.

Maybe I don't.

I have a relationship with my body. Quite how to characterise it, I don't know, but it sure as shit isn't a good one. Disordered, at the very least.

I've had body image issues for maybe 14 years? Ish? Ever since I came to university and realised I had to cook for myself and did so (badly) and put on weight.

My mother was not a great help in this regard. Neither was my father. His genes are probably the reason I've gained the weight I have in the place I have it (around my waist, I have a fantastic beer belly). But mum was the one who snipped at me about it, who - with the best of intentions - pressured me to be eating healthily and exercise more. I remember on one occasion when I was visiting home, as we were respectively going to bed, she saw me in my PJs and looked at my belly and very gingerly made to poke at it. She never actually poked at it but it was a theatrical intro to a brief lecture - one of many - about Not Turning Out Like My Father.

His health was bad. He smoked. Never exercised. Ended up paraplegic in a wheelchair with late-onset type-2 diabetes and high blood pressure and high cholesterol. Along with all that, he was doubly-incontinent and was thus in and out of hospital with UTIs, one of which finally carried him off.

The diabetes, blood pressure, and cholesterol were what concerned my mother, whose own parents had both died due to complications arising from strokes.

So I get it, Mum, I get it.

But Mum was also the kind of person for whom "everything in moderation" was actually the First Commandment. And a fat lot of good it did her when cancer took her away.

Against this fantastic backdrop, I have never been a person who has found it easy to stick with things under my own steam. I've tried Veganuary, I've tried Slimming World, both sucked ass, I tried Couch to 5k and that suuuuucked. It has only recently, within the last 18 months, that I have found bouldering and a personal trainer and found that Exercise Can Be Fun, Actually. Prior to that, and prior to university, my diet and my exercise were largely controlled by mum, save for at school where i could buy sweets from the tuck shop and did so to fill what turns out to have been a massive gaping emotional void caused by emotionally-distant (if well-meaning) parents.

Crashing into all of this like a wrecking ball was last year's revelation that I'm trans.

So, not only am I struggling against the weight of parental expectations and the genetics they've handed me AND the grief of losing both of them before I was 27, I also have the anxiety that they've instilled in me (if I don't pass this exam I won't get into a good school and i'll fail my GCSEs and then i won't receive love) AND the depression and burnout of all of this.

AND I'M TRANS.

So I'm also wrestling with my ingrained socially-inculcated and parentally-exacerbated fatphobia AND the ingrained sexist viewpoint of How Women's Bodies Should Look because I want, through my transition, to end up looking hot. I would give anything to walk down the street and see heads turning as I pass.

At no point in my life have I really ever enjoyed any level of confidence in my body, or even in my self. None of the athletic stuff I was doing while at school (swimming club outside school time) went anywhere - i was never good enough to be considered for even local sports teams. None of the talents in my life that i've cultivated - playing music, writing about music, writing creatively - have so far really gone very far. I struggle, sometimes, to feel that anything in my life has actually gone anywhere and that i have in fact achieved anything (I'm aware I've got achievements but they feel very flimsy a lot of the time).

So when I'm told that I can, in essence, lose some of the fat around my waistline by following a nice simple formula of "eat less, move more," I think "Great! I can do that!"

And that has worked for me in the past. It has. When I was on Slimming World AND i had a supportive partner who was able to keep me in check AND i was going to the gym at least once a week, THEN I was able to scratch away some of the weight I'd gained. That was 8 years and some 20kg ago.

Now? NOW? Now I get told that the formula isn't remotely that simple, doesn't work for everyone, is mostly a genetic lottery, and if you do lose weight you'll probably put it all straight back on anyway because 95-98% of people do.

So it feels like I might as well not fucking bother. Life's too short, cake beer and pizza are too delicious.

That feeling is in direct conflict with the ingrained ones mentioned above. I am terrified of becoming like my father. In all the ways that really matter I'm nothing like him, but I have his genetics so if I don't alter my lifestyle I will be looking down the barrel of high blood pressure and high cholesterol medicine when I'm 50. Did I mention that if I live to the age of 66 I will have outlived both of my parents?

So yeah. I freaked out. Because why wouldn't I freak out. Am I, truly, condemned to this body? To this flabby, exhausted, beer-gut dad-bod? No matter whether I take HRT, no matter whether I exercise to within an inch of my life and eat only kale? Am I? Because it feels like it.

It feels like it, no matter how hard I try.

And I.

Am.

TRYING.

I have one guy's Twitter thread saved on the matter, and his summary was basically "It has to absolutely dominate your habits. Not that you can't think of anything else, but when you are eating and exercising, the rigidity and consistency has to be stuck to above all else."

Life's too short. But if that's the way to go, so be it. Cake is delicious. Pizza is delicious. Beer is delicious. But I want to live. I want to go out in the world and see it all before it burns. I want to outlive not just my parents but my grandparents and be as sprightly at 90 as i am now. I do not want to be some dad-bod middle-aged moaner who struggles to get out of an armchair.

So I'm trying. I'm trying. I cycle to/from the train station, and I can put more bike miles into that particular journey. At my fittest, I was cycling ten miles a day and doing a 5-hour shift behind a bar six days a week. Even though my diet wasn't great, the amount of exercise I was doing made up for it. So I think, perhaps, that I have a shot at actually shifting some of the gut that I've developed. Maybe you're right, anon, and developing muscle is what I need to do. It's what the personal trainer is helping me do. And i am developing that muscle. It just doesn't seem to be shifting the gut. Again, I'm trying. I've simultaneously moved house and started a new job alongside having fallen out with a friend and somewhat isolated myself from my other friends, so my headspace isn't great at the moment which means my culinary thinking has largely consisted of "put calories in belly," leading to a lot more of the beige food everyone likes to tease us Brits about than is perhaps ideal. But I'm trying. I'm trying to make it so that I batch cook Something With Lots of Vegetables in. I'm trying to make it so that I snack on fruit or protein flapjacks instead of crisps and chocolate biscuits. I'm trying to make breakfast into a good meal that sets me up well for the day. I'm trying to sleep better because god knows i don't think i've actually had a consistent amount of rest since ........ uhhhhh *checks notes* probably 2013? Maybe 2019 if i'm being generous. And sleep is supposed to be good for weight loss and mental health and so on.

But the crawl of progress of this kind feels overwhelming. I can look back and see that progress has been made but it feels like a progress of inches at best instead of anything discernible. As with my many other life problems, i feel like i'm adrift at sea, treading water, and while i can see land and am trying trying trying to get there, everyone who goes past is clinging to driftwood or rowing in a canoe or jetting past in a superyacht and they all try to tell me how to swim to land. And i try but something's weighing me down and making it very hard to do so. That something is a whole lifetime of emotional baggage that has become an enormous Gordian knot that i cannot cleave and cannot untangle either.

So instead I just freak out when i get told that something over which i should be able to exert control and enjoy demonstrable progress and immediate results - "eat less, move more, lose inches around the waistline" - isn't actually nearly so simple and might as well be impossible if you don't have the right genes, which i almost certainly don't.

I'm trying. But jfc sometimes it would just be nice if the thing at which i was trying was easier.

#tw: fatphobia #tw: dieting #tw: eating issues #tw: parental death #tw: eating habits #i got a lot of issues to work through #i am on my fourth therapist #what i really want is a hug

[jazryl]

2023-01

I spent the last two days of 2022 breaking down. There are two things to unpack here: one, how exhausting this year was for me emotionally, and two--the elephant in the room--is how much I felt unhappy all this time (and this realization has been long overdue).

For some reason, my mind decided to resurface the rotten corpse of my past self: passionate, good at everything, and someone who could make anything happen. I catch my reflection between the ripples. I am not the same anymore, and this once burning passion is becoming a dying ember.

But I once told myself that letting go of my past self to settle for being an average, "more normal and relatable" person that I wanted to be would be the best way for me. The old me was thriving, but at some point the days of happiness were not coming anymore. People would look up to you in awe, and expectation. People will look at yur greatness, and then know you for your greatness, and then divulge into your greatness until all they see with you is greatness and nothing else. Anything less than greatness is "not so you". And all that you would know is the feeling of being estranged from anybody else, because what else could you offer without your greatness?

So I went into that route in college, hoping I could be seen beyond my greatness, if it existed until this day. I was ready for everything: people better than me, people with bigger and better personalities, people more interesting to be with, people with greater leadership. I was ready. But nothing prepared me for the harrowing, consuming feeling afterward.

For the record, I love what I am doing right now. I can say that I belong, and somehow I can say that everything getting better. But at some point, it dawns to me how my dreams are not actually the dreams I wanted for myself and whatever greatness (or mediocrity) that I muster up everyday was not the attitude I seek for myself. I stopped counting the days since I last wrote, because I thought no one cared about them anyway. I stopped computing for my grades, not because I don't care, but because I cared too much about the family dinners that it would bring up into my face. I stopped caring for the things I valued, because took too much care of what I would appear without the greatness that I had.

Throughout this reflection, I realized how family gatherings were the worst. Much like a highschool classroom, my family had nothing to bring up but my greatness since then and the fat kid that I was (or I am?). All this time, I felt like this family has never seen me for who I really am and it made me uncomforable. I am not the same anymore, and they don't realize that. I can write, I write, I read, I love playing games, I love watching volleyball, I love anime, I enjoy little walks and grocery shopping, I love wearing nice clothes. But it didn't matter, all they know is how great I am, especially at studying.

I have been rambling so much so let us get to the point: 1) I feel burned out, 2) I don't feel happy anymore, and 3) I have always been insecure about it ever since. This is basically a long overdue reflection of mine all this time especially during the pandemic. I kept on staring at myself in the mirror and I kept on telling myself that don't feel happy anymore. And that is the truth.

For the past two years, I felt like nothing has going according what I wanted it to be, in any aspect of my life. I do diet and exercise to get rid of those comments about my weight and I still get them. I write and write only for no one or a couple people to read them. I study and study, only to be a little around average. I never minded the failure, but it hurts to see that not a lot of people realize how much I have been holding on and how much I have been trying hard to at least show up and do well. They think I'm great, but there's nothing great about being seen as being great and (maybe) nothing else.

But more than the long overdue feeling of burnout, my unhappiness has been going on for a while now. There was some point that walking alone never felt therapy but more of another manifestation of loneliness and exhaustion. There was some point that my plans for myself are not mine anymore but for other people. There was some point, that I just stop and ask myself if my likes and dislikes, dreams and aspirations, are still mine.

And at some point, I forgot how great I was. Or maybe more than that, I forgot to devote a piece of this greatness for myself.

I lost confidence with myself (but to be fair, I was never confident about my body to begin with). I felt insecure about people doing better than me not because they are better than me but because I thought my greatness in such thing was all that I have. And I fear that I am not anymore. And at some point, it felt like I am never getting it back.

To cut the story short, coming into this year, I have decided to somehow bring back who I was. Maybe I should start believing in my own greatness again, and maybe start being great for myself. I have read poetry zines online and I have replenished my shelf with new books and felt a little spark of happiness. Oh, I remember that I loved reading before. Even I only keep these things to myself unless someone cared enought to bring it up, I loved writing! I loved the short walks and the detours and the sunsets and some alone time with an ice cream. Maybe I can work around being great and being seen as more than that. Maybe I could be kinder to myself. I definitely should. I felt guilty giving back to myself, but all this time I have devoted myself giving to others. Maybe insecurity and burnout can't be cured overnight but at least I remembered that I am great. And maybe I'm bound for greater things.

This felt cluttered, but this felt great.

[lostxones]

𝕄𝕪𝕤𝕡𝕒𝕔𝕖 𝔼𝕣𝕒 𝕊𝕦𝕣𝕧𝕖𝕪

Tagged by: @writingxthexsilence​

(feel free to reblog, or steal)

tagging: whoever wants to do this!

Answers for Molly

1. State your name: Molly Faith Ellington

2. State the name that your parents almost named you: My mom wanted to name me Maryanne and thank fuck my dad put his foot down.

3. Which of your relatives do you get along with the most? I guess my dad? My mom and I don’t get along at all and my brother is kind of a dick.

4. What was your first job? Like...legal job? That sounds bad. Okay, so I used to babysit when I was like...fourteen. Actual legal, on the payroll, sort of work...I worked at McDonald’s and I hated it. 

5. Which of your relatives do you despise the most?  I guess my mom? I don’t really hate her, but we definitely butt heads.

6. Did anything embarrassing happen this week? Probably.

7. Do you miss your ex? Sometimes when I think about the good times, maybe. But we’re also exes for a reason.

8. Do you ever dream about your ex? Sometimes. 

9. What is your favorite color of clothing to wear? I like blues!

10. How do you wear your makeup? I guess more natural looks. 

11. What are some of your nicknames? I don’t think I have any.

12. How many bedrooms are in your house? Just one. I live alone.

13. How many bathrooms? One. 

14. Do you have a job? I work at a coffee shop on campus. 

15. Do you have a car? Yeah. She’s not the newest but she’s reliable. 

16. Do you think you will go to college? I’m in college. 

17. Tell me what you think hate means: Intense dislike or a strong aversion to something or something.

18. What is your definition of ugly: I would say someone unpleasant. Usually for me, a bad personality makes someone ugly in my eyes.

19. What is your definition of beauty: Something that lights you up or leaves you in awe...in a good way.

20. Do you have muscles? I mean, I don’t work out or anything.

21. How about abs? No.

22. Do you work out every week? I do yoga sometimes?

23. Did you brush your teeth this morning? Yeah, duh.

24. Name a fact that you think is bullshit: Uh...marriage is the only way to commit to someone

25. Have you ever seen Pen and Tellers Bullshit? Who?

26. Something about your neighbors that you hate: Oh, my neighbors are actually pretty cool.

27. Something about your neighbors that you like: Sometimes they leave fresh produce on my porch.

28. Has your neighborhood ever thrown a block party? Not since I’ve been here.

29. Have you ever kissed someone you never saw again? Once.

30. Have you ever held hands with someone of the same sex? Yeah.

31. What kind of bathing suit do you wear? Bikini

32. Do you like your eyes? Sure.

33. Do you think you are pretty? I guess.

34. What do you think of girls who are ugly, who think they are hot? As long as they’re confident and comfortable in their skin, who am I to judge?

35. Have you ever called someone fat? My pets growing up.

36. Have you ever confronted someone who was making fun of a stranger? Of course.

37. Are you a bully? I don’t think so. 

38. Have you ever called a complete stranger fat before? No.

39. Do mean people lack a soul? I don’t think so. They just don’t listen to it.

40. Have you ever put a curse on someone who said something mean about you? No.

41. Have you ever practiced witch craft? I don’t think so? I made pretend potions when I was little, though.

42. What do you think of Satanists? I don’t know. I guess I don’t really think about them at all.

43. Did you know people who practice satanism could curse you? Makes sense.

44. Do you believe in hexes? Sure.

45. Do you believe in vampires? In this reality, no. Maybe in some sort of alternate universe.

46. Who was the last person you cussed at? My brother. 

47. Do you have a jacuzzi? I wish.

48. How much money is in your pocket right this moment? None. I’m in my comfy clothes.

49. How much money is in your checking account? Uh....I don’t know exactly. Enough to cover bills.

50. How much is in your savings? A few hundred.

51. Are you well off? I mean, I’m not rich, but I’m comfortable.

52. Do you have kids? No

53. Do you want kids (for those who dont have them)? Maybe some day.

54. What do you think of people on welfare? Everybody needs help sometimes. 

55. If we had a war over a tax on tea, why the hell have we accepted a tax on everything else? Because the education system doesn’t teach us to think for ourselves.

56. Are you smart?  In some ways.

57. Did you ever get left back in school? No.

58. How many times have you gotten after school detention? A couple times for talking too much in class.

59. How many times have you gotten in school suspension? Never.

60. Have you ever been expelled? If yes, what for? No.

61. What is your worst subject in school? Gym.

62. Tell me what your back pack looks like: Simple and gray.

63. Who is the ugliest person in your school? That’s a mean question.

64. Who is the happiest person you know? Aside from me? I guess my friend Harper.

65. Who is the loudest person you know? Aside from me? My brother.

66. Who is the most annoying person you have ever met? My brother.

67. What celebrity do you think is hot? Ross Lynch

68. Did you read Twilight? I did when I was in middle school.

69. Last movie you saw in theatre: 1917. On a date.

70. Are you dating the same person you dated last year? Oh, I’m single.

71. Has someone you were dating ever cheated on you? I don’t think so?

72. Have you ever cheated? No way!

73. Have you ever flirted with someone online that you never met? Hasn’t everyone?

74. Have you ever met with someone you met online? Yes.

75. Have you ever been mean to someone just to make yourself feel better? No. That makes me feel worse.

76. Tell me one thing, about yourself, that makes you an ugly person? I guess I can be stubborn to a fault sometimes...like let my pride keep me from admitting fault.

77. Have you been honest? Yes.

78. Have you ever done drugs? A few times.

#barefoot in grass and drinking fresh lemonade. | molly ellington

[apricottah]

I started this week and I was like wow this is great, so sunny, and then the weather went so muggy. so by tuesday I was burning out bc I'd been working for 7 days and Wednesday was my only day off and I actually can���t even remember what I was doing then now but I didn’t even get to just chill because I was doing stuff and oh yeah it was the Tuesday I finished work and me and my friend I work with went out after work for drinks and these guys came with us which was alright but I was running out of energy and we wanted to talk about stuff you know like the kind of stuff you can’t talk about in front of guys u barely know, but anyway we had some drinks and then I had to go and meet this guy I'd been seeing because we met a couple weeks ago, and we went for dinner and then the next day we went for a drink and then a few days later we did some cooking together because he’s a chef, and then I met his mum, which was really anxiety inducing because those sort of situations always make me nervous, but she was really nice. plus, we never even slept together yet and I already met his mum which felt a bit weird. but yeah I met up with him and at this point I was a few drinks down already and my phone was dead and I only had about £20 left on me but we went to a spoons so it was okay, and I met his friends and one of them was a bit rude but they were nice, then he did end up coming back to mine and anyway worst ever I mean I have honestly never had a worse experience he pushed me into a flower bed (by accident) so now I have a big old bruise on my ass, and we did finally end up shagging but it was awful peep show was on in the background he started talking about his ex halfway through and then bc I'm not on the pill or anything I was like just be careful and a few mins later he's like “oops” I was sooo pissed off I wish I was the sort of person that could just say something or have told him to fuck off then and there because then he has the audacity to go “we can split the cost of the morning after pill” anyway I was fuming going into work on Thursday because he never even texted me and I'm sorry who goes on 4 dates with someone and then sleeps with them and doesn’t even text to check if I'm alright, the only good thing was that when I woke up in the morning I looked over and he’d left his jacket on my chair and it looks really good on me, but I messaged him to. let him know oh I have ur jacket then all he said was cheers thought I lost it I actually feel gross so by this point it’s Thursday I am so tired and idk I know I shouldn’t even be bothered bc I didn’t even really like him I'm more just annoyed I don’t have the balls to have a go at people that piss me off I just let it happen. then it was fairly busy at work my manager shouted at me and I was doing nothing wrong and in fairness he did come straight back like 5 mins later and apologise but it SET me off i was bawling like a baby and I had to explain to him about my sister which just set me off even more I smoked like 3 fags then I was okay and it gave me time to do the  worldle. then on Friday the weather was still really weird but on Thursday night I went home and did a full sage cleanse on myself and I cleansed my room so I felt a bit better but I bought an aventurine pendant from the little shop in town and 10 mins after I bought it I won a tenner on a fruit machine I put 30p into and my hay fever cleared up so now I can breathe through both nostrils. but the mate I was with at the pub is in a fight with his best friend who is also my friend and he was so aggy it was not a great time until we both started crying and then I feel like he was alright he got some of it out. then at work the chef nearly set the whole kitchen on fire because he left the deep fat fryer on and I smelled burning so I went to check and there was hot oil flooded all over the kitchen what a nightmare. so to top it all off Saturday I was climbing and I made lunch for my sister and she had a fit about it which just is so upsetting bc she literally goes off like a 3 year old so I had to deal with that and so I went to work fighting the will to live already and it was busy which ig made it go quicker and it was only a short shift but then we went out after work which was alright but I was just feeling so done I stayed out because my friend fell asleep on me and I had to get her a cab home and after that I had to shake off some weirdo but then I went to get chips and I got cheese on my chips which I do not normally do so then I knew I was stressed for real, and then my mate ended up coming back with me for a bit but all I wanted to do was sleep and I am so pissed off because my inability to say no has made such a comeback this week and idk if it’s just one off week like the weather and maybe I'm hormonal or something because tbf I did get road rage for the first time which I thought I never would but seriously  if I am going the speed limit do not try and literally crawl right inside my asshole but my boss got these bumper stickers with rude stuff on to put on other cars if they piss u off so I might just do that. today I was so tired I managed to not to much finally thank god and then I ordered pizza but I accidentally got a type of cheese on it I don’t really like but I didn't let it ruin it I smothered those bits in garlic and herb dip and I'm watching her and I also got Percy pigs and apricot juice so now all I need is a bath and to talk to as little people as possible before work tomorrow and I think I'll be stable enough to start feeling sane again. 

[1kook]

kissanime & foreplay

this is part of my netflix & chill collection !

summary; You get a glimpse of the KissAnime screen for a good two seconds before about seven ads pop up. Another tab to a raunchy hentai website opens, and Jungkook groans. warnings; mentions of hentai yes u read right, kook leads most of it, cunnilingus, masturbation (f), oral (f), use of a sex toy, fingering, nipple play, face sitting/fucking/riding idk (f), praise kink, hints of dumbification, cum eating, jk is like passive aggressive in this one, 4 (f) orgasms, this is the kicker: sub kook at the end😳, like 2 sec of dom yn lol, & u get 0.002 sec of adams apple kink misc; more dumb story lines, made up sex stores bc my creativity knows no bounds, Jungkook plays nice but is actually mean for the majority of it, once again doyeon plays a pivotal role in the furthering of women empowerment, internal love monologues about jk best boy<3 wc; 8.2k

notes; back when kissanime was offed I remember looking at this fic in the drafts like what the hell we gone do now.. n almost deleting it but I was like yknow what this isn’t a 1kook fic unless there’s smthn weird going on so here we are. also yes I know ohshc is on Netflix shut up!!!!! 

HAPPY BDAY MY LOVE AND MUSE JEON JUNGKOOK !!!! 🥺💜

—

The good thing about getting your own apartment is that you finally have a place to call your own. There’s no limit on how many potted plants you can squeeze into a one bedroom, one bathroom apartment, and if there was one, you’re twelve in and no one has said anything to you yet. You don’t have to share the shower space with anyone, label all your products with a hastily scribbled name. There’s a bathtub—something you haven’t had the pleasure of using during college—and a fairly open living space. There’s so many empty spots to fill with useless decorations and family heirlooms and that ugly plastic rooster Jungkook won you at the summer kick-off fair last month.

The bad thing about having your own place is that the entire world and their mothers seem to know now. Despite graduating from college, you still keep in touch with your trusted graduate mentor Kim Namjoon, who is still very much in school, and has made it his mission to bring you a new plant every week, hence your growing collection. Your childhood friend comes over every Saturday morning to lounge around after her Friday nights out. Jungkook, although the only one who is ever actually invited, runs through your strawberry scented body wash like a madman.

And of course, Doyeon.

Your beloved college roommate of four years, Kim Doyeon, has been the bane of your apartment experience so far. Unlike you, who had slaved away for four years, saving every penny you made during college for this moment, Doyeon was a big spender. She blew every dollar she ever came across, which is why she’s going to be stuck living at her parent’s house for at least a couple more years.

Nothing wrong with that, of course, if she wasn’t the most maniac online shopper in existence. It hadn’t been a problem in college because she was always good old pals with the students who worked the mailroom. If they saw something questionable, they’d let it slide as long as it was under Miss Kim Doyeon, Room 229.

The reason it became an issue for her now is because it’s poor Mrs. Kim who signs over the package from Sexuality Unleashed: The Best Toys Worldwide! one Tuesday afternoon as it is delivered to their suburban home.

So now she’s taken to ordering all her freaky stuff to your new apartment, where the small cabinet by the door has quickly become home to her impulsive shopping habits. Truthfully, you don’t mind accepting Doyeon’s weird packages, and have long since grown used to the uncomfortable looks the mail carrier gives you.

Jungkook’s supposed to come over today and you really hope he doesn’t ask about the state of your hall cabinet. Now that you work at a small company outside of your degree to make ends meet, time with Jungkook has been significantly decreased. You weren’t in college anymore, so you didn’t have the luxury of dropping by his house whenever you wanted to in between classes. Of course, it’s mostly your schedule that conflicts with your planned hangouts, because Jungkook is still working his dream job from home.

However, because Jungkook is quite possibly the most amazing person on this planet, he’s started coming over every Saturday night to make sure you’re still alive and not dying. And so weekly media binges are a thing, and it’s currently week four.

He gave up on showing you the Marvel movie franchise last week, after you had asked where Wonder Woman was three times in a row. Since the Barbie Movie Debacle of last month, you’ve found a nice medium between who picks when. Jungkook picks most of the time, because most of the time you don’t really care. It’s become a running joke between the two of you that movie binges are usually just terribly masked excuses to go to town on each other, so you don’t mind missing an entire 15th Century French Revolution documentary if it means Jungkook is deep in your guts by the time King Louis XIV gets beheaded or whatever they did to him. Is it too obvious you didn’t watch the documentary?

Occasionally, there are instances where one of you genuinely does want to watch something, in which case you have an intense match of rock-paper-scissors to decide who’s picking that night. Most of the time, Jungkook wins. But for every match Jungkook wins, he promises you’ll pick the next one so you’ve long since stopped trying to actually beat him.

Long story short, last weekend you sat through a two part Ancient Aliens episode on the connection between aliens and American presidents.

It was the most god-awful conspiracy theory you’ve ever heard of, but Jungkook ate up every minute of it. By the time the two hosts announced their conclusion you were just about ready to rip your own ears off and single-handedly fist fight every producer on the channel for allowing the production of such an atrocious show.

Anyway, because you had so bravely sat through the entire evening without complaints— well, no complaints towards Jungkook’s terrible taste; the show, however, was not safe from your wicked tongue —Jungkook has so graciously allowed you to pick the media for this weekend.

You’ve been telling him for the longest time that you were going to hook him on anime. It was one of the few interests you always believed Jungkook should possess, being a weeb and all, because it was only fair that he had one questionable trait to balance out the rest of his perfection. Liking anime isn’t bad— if a hottie like you enjoyed it, then it obviously had its perks. However, you know a lot of other people are turned off by anime-enthusiasts due to preconceived notions of the genre and the viewer-base.

Now, it was a widely known fact that you always had ulterior motives. So maybe turning Jungkook into a weeb was just a ploy to turn other women off from him and keep your jealousy at bay. Sue you, your boyfriend was a walking wet dream, and you’d do anything to keep him to yourself.

After long deliberation, you’ve decided on introducing Jungkook to anime with a classic: Ouran High School Host Club, a god among anime, a true Beyonce among shoujos. The only problem was that you absolutely refused to pay Crunchyroll or Funimation when you could so easily find the entire show on KissAnime.com, home to only the finest of hentai ads and Are You a Robot? questions.

He sends you a text when he’s outside your building, and five minutes later there’s a rap against your door.

“Hi,” you smile up at him, heart fluttering in that same trademark way it did whenever Jungkook was within a five foot radius. He smiles back softly, leaning down to peck your lips as you step aside for him to enter. He’s got on those cotton sweats that you love, the ones that send your brain into a censored frenzy. But he’s also got that soft curl to his hair that lets you know he came here straight out of the shower in his hurry to see you. How you managed to bag a dream boyfriend like him was beyond you.

You bask in the overwhelming feeling of unannounced love for all of ten seconds before Jungkook is lifting up a square package you hadn’t seen at his hip. “Mailman gave me this,” he says, waving around the signature bright pink packaging of Sexuality Unleashed. Jungkook, for all his politeness and respect, seemed to falter in those categories when it came to you. He turns the box over, reading the big fat name of the company on the side. “Since when did you start buying sex toys?” he asks rather loudly in the hallway.

You yank him inside, hurriedly slamming the door shut before any of your neighbors can come out into the hallway and get a peek of this avid sex toy consumer. “They’re not mine!” you hiss, standing still when he uses you to balance himself as he tugs off his shoes. You snatch the box out of his hands, turning it around to make sure it is actually addressed to your home. Sure enough, it’s for you. Couldn’t there have been some other sex toy fanatic on this floor?

With his shoes off, Jungkook wastes no time enveloping you in a hug, the Sexuality Unleashed box tumbling to the ground. “It’s okay, baby, no need to be embarrassed.”

You groan, leaning your forehead against his shoulder as he continues to pat your back like you’re actually embarrassed to be caught buying toys— you’re not. You’re embarrassed he caught you with a sex toy you simply can’t put to use. “Whatever,” you sigh, “your gross popcorn is in my bedroom and it’s probably stale.”

He releases you, not before pulling you into a slow and languid kiss that has you clutching tightly at the front of his shirt. He pulls away with a soft smooch, right eye falling into a wink. “Bring the box, gorgeous,” he teases, before sauntering off in the direction of your bedroom.

You groan loudly. “It’s not mine!” you repeat, but for some reason do as he says.

Not only do you have no idea what’s in this package, but you’re frankly not too keen on finding out. You’re more interested in Jungkook’s reaction to one of your favorite animes of all time. The package is tossed onto the end of the bed, where Jungkook has already stripped himself of his socks and cuddled beneath your covers.

Your laptop has gone dark from inactivity so you slam down on the space bar to bring it back to life. Your first mistake was pressing anything at all. It flickers back on alright, but you forget that you are working with a minefield of ads ready to explode. You get a glimpse of the KissAnime screen for a good two seconds before about seven ads pop up. Another tab to a raunchy hentai website opens, and Jungkook groans.

“What the hell is this?” he asks in a tone that screams he has never had to fight viruses off his computer just to watch something at two in the morning.

You ignore him, cuddling into his side as you hurriedly type in the title of the anime before another annoying ad can intercept you. “KissAnime,” you answer for now, accidentally clicking down on the mousepad with the heel of your palm. Another tab opens up to some sketchy credit site. You huff.

“Baby, I swear I just saw like twelve viruses,” he says. “And what even are these?” he scoffs, jabbing a finger at one of the many ads that lines the perimeter of the website. “Animated teacher porn?”

By the grace of god, you somehow manage to get onto the episode selection screen without having another tab open on you. You smile in relief, turning the power of your excitement onto Jungkook… only to find his eyes narrowed in on the square advertisement for some hentai website. “What? You wanna watch hentai now?” you snort, placing the laptop on his legs as you cuddle into his side.

Jungkook sputters, cheeks tinting red at the mere insinuation he would ever consume such media. “No,” he glares, releasing the arm around your shoulders to huffily cross them over his chest. “I am not going to watch anatomically incorrect illustrations of a woman teacher relieving herself, ___,” he says rather matter-of-factly.

You snort, repeating, “a woman teacher,” mockingly and in a high pitched voice that, honestly, doesn't sound anything like him. You click play on the video box that appears after only about twenty more pop-up ads. “Silence, you nymphomaniac, the episode is starting.” Jungkook pulls you close with a displeased expression, finally quieting down when you put it on full screen and the ads disappear from his view.

You’re beginning to wonder if Jungkook really is the script and plot dissector he claims to be, or if he just lives to get under your skin. He doesn’t make it three minutes without finding something to critique. First it’s the quality of the frames, and then it’s the characterization of the lead character. He nitpicks everything about the best anime in existence, and by the end of the first episode you’re considering breaking up with him.

“Oh my god,” you groan, tearing yourself away from him. He’s all laid up against your mountain of pillows, tongue prodding at the insides of his mouth in that ridiculously attractive habit of his. Usually, you’d be tripping over yourself to kiss him, but you’re about two seconds from ripping his head off. “I mean this in the nicest way possible, baby,” you sigh, picking up his hand in yours. “You gotta shut up.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes. “I have to shut up?” he asks in a scandalized tone. “You sang through the entire intro, off tune may I add.”

At this rate you’re getting nowhere, so you just snatch the laptop back up before you actually hurt his feelings. You escape the full screen, met with those hentai ads that are slowly becoming the bane of Jungkook’s existence.

“Who actually watches those anyway?” he mumbles, covering the sidebar full of naked cartoon ladies with his palm for you, a real gentleman if you ever saw one. “Really?” he says, knocking his pointer finger against a particularly raunchy ad with the caption Be a Good Boy and Let her Play beneath it.

You snort. “You are such a baby,” you tease, pinching his cheek much to his annoyance. “What? Can’t handle seeing some anime titties?”

Jungkook shoves your hand away, leaning back to become one with the pillows as you continue onto the next episode. “They’re just weird,” he admits. “And make unrealistic faces.”

“Unrealistic,” you repeat, finally giving one of the ads the time of day. There’s an adorably drawn character making the most perverted expression, knees hiked up to her chest. Her face is twisted up, drooling like a dog and with her eyes crossed in ecstasy. You shrug. “Just because you can’t get those faces out of me doesn’t mean they’re unreal.”

The second the words leave your mouth Jungkook is letting out a scandalized scoff, sitting up to level you with another glare. “First of all, I can get you like that,” he defends, tapping his finger against the ad on screen. “In fact, I can get you like that without even trying, so let’s not say anything too drastic now, okay?”

His sudden bout of defensiveness makes something playful in you switch on, laying back down beside him with a smirk. “Oh, you can make me all stupid like this?”

Jungkook scoffs. “Yes.”

“Uh huh,” you drawl, tracing a finger up his chest teasingly; Jungkook knocks your knuckles away, obviously still butt hurt about your comment. That’s fine, because a slightly riled up Jungkook was always the best Jungkook. You sit up and lean in close, letting your hand slip beneath his hoodie, palm running over his bare shoulder and around the top of his back. You give his nape a light squeeze, lips pressed against the shell of his ear. “Why don’t you prove it to me, Jungkookie?” you purr, before pulling away.

His jaw twitches at the nickname, one shapely brow unconsciously arching as he regards you with a calculative expression.

The thing about Jungkook was that, after almost a year of dating, you know just how to push his buttons. He has a rather calm and collected exterior to him, the same one he’s had since the day you met him, but beneath it all was a childish competitiveness that raged with the heat of ten suns. He disliked being taunted like you were doing now, especially when his credibility was at stake.

Honestly speaking, you don’t doubt Jungkook can make you look as goofy and messy as those hentai ads. In fact you’re rather confident he can. Either way, him being right or you being right, you would still get some fun out of it.

“Hm?” you add, tracing your hand up to dance over the skin of his cheek, pads of your fingers running over that stiff jaw. “Are you scared I’m right and you’re wrong?”

A hand snaps up to catch your wrist, fingers tight around your skin until you’re shivering against him. “Oh baby, I can make you cum until you cry,” he murmurs, his usual sweet and lilting tone dropping to a low vibration that makes your pussy throb beneath your panties. Your heart leaps in your chest, lips falling open when he ducks down to brush them against yours. It’s too light, just a simple touch that makes you follow his mouth when he pulls back.

With one firm shove, the laptop is tumbling off the bed, thudding loudly against your bedside rug. Jungkook leans over you, his usual trademark doe eyes zeroed in on you with the focus of a laser. “Have a little faith in me,” he teases, and when he presses close you can feel his fattening cock flush against your thigh. Your body is begging to be touched, every brush of his fingers against your skin searing trails in their wake.

Suddenly, he’s drawing back. “Kook?” you frown, barely biting down on a childish whimper when he snuggles back into your mountain of pillows, one arm stretched behind his head.

He flashes you a smile. “Go on,” he says, arms behind his head. “Show me how to get you like that.”

“By myself?” you ask, shifting onto your knees anyway. Jungkook nods, a soft jut of his chin as he gives you another one of those easy going smiles of his. His goal seems a little unclear, but you had a ridiculous amount of trust in your boyfriend that whatever he had planned was certain to be good. With one final skeptical glance his way, you sink down onto your bum, knees spreading and giving him a clear view of your little pink boy shorts, elastic band hugging your waist.

The material of your t-shirt is guided away, held to your chest by the hand currently not traversing the length of your stomach, gliding across soft skin, over your belly button and past that band until it slips beneath. You chance another look Jungkook’s way, only to find his eyes wonderfully downcast in the direction of your core. That smile is gone now, replaced with a somber look as he watches your hand move mysteriously beneath the fabric of your undergarments.

The first brush of your forefinger against your swollen button makes you twitch, back arching at the sensation that is magnified by his watchful gaze. “Mmh,” you bite down, hand twisting in the material of your shirt. Jungkook’s eyes glare a molten path across your skin, from the comfy bra that peeks out from beneath your rumpled shirt to the wrist slowly working beneath your panties.

A hand falls over your thigh, tattooed fingers giving the skin a light squeeze as you get to work swirling your bud around. The sight of his inked skin on yours makes something warm blossom in your lower abdomen, your eyes following the inky swirls up, up, up. They lead you to the face of your very handsome boyfriend, long lashes fanning across his cheekbones as he watches you play with yourself. “Wanna take these off for me?” he says, the tip of his pointer finger wiggling beneath the fabric of your shorts.

You nod hurriedly, wiggling around on the bed until you’re on your back, legs bent in front of you. The shorts come down your legs; the simplest press of your thighs makes something quiver in your abdomen. You toss them off to the side, and just as you go to sit back up, Jungkook places a hand on your knee. “Stay like this for me,” he says, sitting up from his mountain of pillows to glance down at you. You melt into the plush mattress beneath you, staring down at him between your legs. He’s got that adoring look in his eyes, the one that makes you feel so warm and in love, it’s only natural your hand slips down to play with your bare clit again. “That’s my girl,” he smiles, rubbing a hand down the outside of your thigh, urging your legs to fall open.

There’s this overflowing vat of arousal that builds up inside of you everytime Jungkook is around, like the moment your eyes land on him you’re reminded of every position he’s ever had you in. You remember the soft brush of his hands on your body, the way his lips feel on yours, the soft tickle of his hair when he gets too close. It makes your heart lurch in your chest, like if you don’t grab onto him tightly this feeling will slip through your fingers and out of your life. So you were crazily in love with your boyfriend— now what?

A puckered set of lips meets the inside of your thigh, the action ripping you from your overly gooey, overly soft inner rambling. Your hand trails down your quivering pussy lips, collecting your dripping wetness as you go. At the same time, Jungkook kisses down the inside of your thigh, soft smacks of his lips against your skin filling the air with an emotion that makes you bite down a whimper. Your hole puckers at the brush of your fingers, anticipating an entrance that you yearn to give into soon.

His mouth is on you before your finger can go deeper than a centimeter in. But Jungkook doesn’t brush your hand off, doesn’t shove you away to prove his mouth was undoubtedly better. He places a kiss over your knuckles, before swallowing up your significantly smaller hand with his, that of which he clasps together over your navel.

You groan, head rolling from side to side. “Don’t be so soft with me,” you whine, leg twitching when he presses a kiss against your engorged bundle of nerves. “Push me around like that one time, you know I like it.”

Jungkook grins, mouthing over your clit with practiced ease that has you releasing all kinds of whimpers and sighs. He’s got his other hand wrapped around your thigh, strong arm pulling you closer to that devious mouth and tongue that lavished attention on your clit. “Need me to be mean to you, baby?” he purrs, curling his tongue in such a way that it makes your entire body tense up, muscles pulled tight. “Want me to push you around like the stupid little girl you are?” You moan, head bobbing up and down at the ideas he stuffs in your mind. As he moves down the length of your cunt, that round nose you love brushes against your bud, and the cheeky shit takes an obnoxiously loud sniff of it, a soft groan breathed against your lower lips. “But isn’t this better?” he hums, languidly molding his lips against your lower ones, much in the same way he does with the ones on your face; he moves slowly, slips his tongue in every few seconds before eventually diving in head on. “Slow... and so easy.”

“Kook,” you mewl, getting this overwhelming urge to cover your face with your hands. But you can’t, because he’s knotted one hand with yours and his fingers only tighten when you try to yank them apart. Instead you’re left pressing one knuckle against your mouth, brows pinching as he begins slowly fucking his tongue into your cunt. “F-Faster,” you beg. He, of course, ignores your plea.

The wet mass moves past the clenched muscles around your hole, nose brushing against your lips with every intrusion. Every few cycles he stops to press a kiss against your pussy, so hard and wet that it hurts when he pulls off. You’re left writhing and moaning, your heel knocking against his shoulder when he pushes your leg up closer to your chest. “It’s enough,” you cry, your entire body shivering.

Jungkook pulls off with a loud pop, lips glistening with your arousal. He’s got this glint on his eyes, like he’s thoroughly entertained by your reactions. He shuffles around to get comfortable, finally releasing that grip on your hand. Immediately, your newly freed hand jumps forward to tangle in the hair above his ear, tracing down the delicate curve of his cheekbone. Jungkook turns his head, pressing a soft peck against your open palm that makes your heartbeat thunder in your ears.

As he moves around, his leg bumps against something that has both of you pausing. It sounds out of place next to your shallow breaths, and both of you glance down only to catch sight of that stupid package from Sexuality Unleashed teetering on the edge of the bed.

The moment you see it, it’s like you’re transported into an omnipresent view of the scene, the next few hours flashing before your eyes as Jungkook snorts. You know he’s going to reach for it in two seconds, and you know he’s going to tear the hot pink packaging apart with his bare hands. He does so with a scary amount of power, the industrial tape not standing a chance against him. A box roughly the same size as the package falls out, and before you can kick it away and save yourself from suffering beneath Jungkook’s teasing antics, he’s snatching up the box.

“The Bullet Bestie,” he reads aloud, dark eyes flying across the text with lightning speed before that box is also being ripped open. (Briefly, there’s a voice in your head that thinks of Doyeon, but you’re not sure why.) Out tumbles a little pink bullet with a strap on one end that bounces against your thigh and an even smaller remote.

“Baby,” you rush out, the sight of the tiny toy making your heart thunder in your chest. “We can look at it another time,” you try, hands coming up to brush against his face again. “Why don’t you finish off here?” you ask, a sickeningly sweet politeness dripping off your tongue as the knot in your tummy fades into the background of his attention.

Jungkook ignores you, picking up the remote with a wondrous look in his eyes. Before you can try to persuade him back between your legs, a quiet click cuts you off and the little bullet whirls to life. You yelp at the sudden vibrations against the inside of your thigh, so close to your throbbing core. The jump of your thighs has it falling onto the mattress below you, wide eyes snapping back to the smirk that grows on his face.

“No,” you say slowly, sitting back up, “no, no,” you try, your usual assertiveness melting into a whiny cry as you try to wiggle away from him and the nefarious ideas infesting his lust-addled mind. You’re barely turning, ready to make a run for it and hand him his victory by forfeit, when Jungkook is catching you by the waist. Your hips get pulled up, arms clawing uselessly at the sheets beneath you as he drags you close to him. He’s fast, already having moved onto his knees behind you, and when he yanks you up, you can feel every hot plane of his body aligned with your backside. “Kook, please just make me cum,” you gasp.

There’s a smile pressed against your shoulder, lips still wet from before, kissing along the side of your neck. “Look at my girl,” he murmurs, and you nearly jump out of your skin when something smooth is traced along your thigh. One hand slips beneath the material of your shirt, soothingly rubbing circled against your skin. This hand also holds the tiny remote between two fingers, and every nerve in your body is on edge waiting for it to be used. “Where’s that smartmouth now?”

“Jungkook,” you try to warn. But there’s no bite to your words, only an anticipation that grows the closer he moves that damned toy between your thighs. “Baby, we-we can play another time, okay? Just please—“

A soft click, and suddenly your spine is giving out on you, upper body flopping forward as Jungkook runs the vibrations over your clit. Of course Jungkook follows, never letting you slip far from his reach. A loud moan spills from your lips, lower lip wobbling at the unreal amounts of pleasure he bestows upon you with such a small toy. “W-Wait,” you sob, the coil from before suddenly magnified tenfold. It makes your orgasm loom over you bigger than ever, a wave that threatens to spill over and drown you in one go. “No-please.”

His mouth presses against your ear, hot breaths fanning against the skin there. “Hey pretty girl, does it feel good?” he husks out, kissing just below your ear. “Aw fuck,” he groans, something stiff pressing against the cleft between your cheeks, “can’t even see if you’re making that stupid face right now.”

You are, but you don’t even have the words to tell him that. The moment the vibrator had made contact with your already ravished clit, your eyes had rolled into the back of your head. You don’t doubt you look like those silly ads you’d laughed at earlier, mouth opening and closing every few seconds as he circles the toy around your bud. You settle on a high-pitched whimper that has Jungkook laughing meanly against your ear.

It ends too soon, the stimulation from Jungkook eating you out for a few minutes combining with the bullet to form a powerful duo that swallows you whole. An embarrassingly loud moan rips itself from your throat, hands twisting in the sheets beneath you as it washes over you. It’s so powerful, it blinds you, pussy spasming. Jungkook’s name is repeated about a thousand times in between, your body eventually melting back into the mattress as the final shocks run through you.

The vibrator clicks off just as quietly as it turned on, your harsh breaths filling the room in its place. “Good girl,” Jungkook praises, raining down a parade of kisses against your shoulder. You mewl in appreciation, still awkwardly shoving your face into the mattress, and your hips in the air. From the corner of your eyes, you watch him set the glistening toy off to the side, and you’re just about ready to thank the heavens for such an experience with your boyfriend, when said boyfriend hits you with a curveball.

The gentle pecks against yours shoulder dissolve into harsh kisses, rough hands trailing up your waist. The t-shirt gathers around his knuckles, pushed and pushed until he’s got those same hands cupping your breasts. “Did you like that?” he asks, biting down against your shoulder; the sensation is dulled by your shirt being in the way but it still makes you whine. You moan softly, nodding against the mattress as he gets to kneading your breasts over your bra. “Mm,” Jungkook sighs, “my pretty girl was so good for me, wasn’t she?”

Those deft fingers run back down, crawl beneath the elastic of your lounge bra and push it away until your breasts are bouncing out of their cage. “Kook,” you sigh, eyes fluttering shut as he traces circles around your nipples. “W-Wait,” you whimper, suddenly reminded of the swollen cock pressed against your backside when he leans closer.

“Shhh,” he soothes, tweaking your nipples. “Relax for me, sweetheart,” he coos, flicking your hardened nipples with his fingers. You can’t relax, not with your body still so sensitive and him playing with you. Still, the low intonation makes something soft and warm settle in your chest, the kisses against your jaw making your eyes fall shut. “That’s it,” he says, giving one nipple a playful twist that draws a high-pitched moan from you.

Just as you’re beginning to fall into the rhythm of Jungkook’s caresses and voice, he releases one breast to traverse his hand down and over your tummy, to your sensitive pussy. You gasp, biting down on your lip as he teasingly flicks your clit with his fingers. “Bet you could come again now,” he murmurs, taking the tip of your earlobe into his mouth and nibbling softly. You groan, shoving your face into the sheets as if that will save you from your doom. “Bet your pretty little pussy can cream itself just like this, isn’t that right, sweet girl?”

You whimper, hips bucking back against him when he begins nudging your bud, lewd sounds reaching your ears. His other hand remains on your breast, no longer toying with your nipple but simply holding it almost comfortingly. There’s a smirk pressed against your skin, that pearly white smile you usually adore so much teasing you as he circles your nub.

“Come on,” he encourages quietly, kissing up the column of your neck again. You moan, thighs quivering as he strokes a second orgasm out of you with no struggle. Your eyes and throat burn at the heat that washes over you, and you release a hoarse scream into the mattress— Jungkook chuckles at the sound, egging you on with that low voice until your muscles go limp a second time.

When he rolls you onto your stomach again, you try desperately to cover the tears that blur your vision, turning away from him like a child when he tries to look. “Crybaby, crybaby,” he sings teasingly, prying your hands away to capture your mouth with his for the first time that night. “Lemme see those tears, baby,” he purrs.

He tastes like you, tongue dripping with that sweet tang of your pussy, and he smells like you too. It strokes the flames of you ego, arms eventually wrapping around his shoulders as he settles above you. He pulls off with a curl of his tongue against your swollen lips, brown eyes lazily staring down at you. It’s embarrassing how well kept he still was compared to your half-nude state of dress. His skin is all glowy and pretty, not a single tear track in sight, and his grin is still too relaxed for your liking.

Jungkook’s body feels so warm and comforting against yours, muscles keeping the heat trapped between your bodies. You go to brush a hand through his hair, needing to feel the familiarity of those silky locks, before he’s suddenly leaning away. He shuffles onto his knees again, glancing down at your thoroughly abused cunt with a quirk in his brows.

“God,” you groan, knocking your foot against his side. “Just fuck me already,” you huff despite your earlier fatigue. You could only go so long without feeling Jungkook’s fat demon cock inside of you.

He snorts at your snappy tone, cutely tilting his head to the side to move his hair out of his face. His jaw looks sharp from this angle, facial features covered in shadows the lamplight behind him can’t touch. “Can’t,” he announces, and you could pull your hair out from all this unnecessary build up.

Truth to be told, you and Jungkook were both equally as unrestrained when it came to each other. Most of the time, the lead up to actual, penetrative, key-in-lock sex included a couple minutes of heavy petting from his end, and maybe a half assed handjob from you. Sometimes if you felt extra attentive, he’d eat you out and you'd him off. But for the most part, the two of you jumped straight into it after an orgasm, like horny teenagers despite the two of you being twenty-three now.

The most adventurous you’d ever gotten up until the point was maybe two orgasms bestowed upon you by a crazed Jungkook. And, well. You had hit two orgasms now. You were ready for his monster cock.

“Kook,” you whine childishly.

Jungkook shakes you off, placing a palm on both your knees. Slowly, he spreads your thighs apart again, eyes zeroed in on the glossy folds that come into view, the sparkling pearly cum that leaks out of your hole. “I can’t, baby,” he says, almost pained. “I gotta clean you up first,” he insists, and before you can tell him how counterproductive it is to lick you clean of your arousal before fucking you, he’s diving face first into your cunt.

But the biggest surprise doesn’t come from Jungkook going in for thirds, but from the hands he clasps around your thighs, the sheer strength he uses to roll you over (ignoring the shriek you let out) to sit you on his face. “No, no,” you yelp immediately, “I-I‘ll break you,” you cry, trying to escape from his hold.

From beneath your thighs, dark eyes peering up at you daringly, you can see the clear warning on Jungkook’s face. It’s a look that loudly says don’t you dare fucking move, shapely brows sending a jolt of genuine fear down your spine for a moment. “Jungkook,” you fret, trying to ignore the arousal that only continues to blossom as his tongue laps against your folds for the second time that night. “I’m, I’m,” you stammer, hands burying themselves in his hair as he ignores your cries. “I’ll break you,” you try again, spine arching when he slurps your clit into his mouth. “I-I’ll—“

He pulls off with a pop. “Fuck my face, baby,” he says, as if he hadn’t heard a single of your concerns at all. His nose nudges against your clit, a whimper catching in your throat. Briefly, his hand disappears from around your thigh, and when it returns, that tiny bullet vibrator from earlier is pressed against your thigh. “You got that?”

You nod, internally torn apart by your fear of crushing him and your need to drag your cunt all over your boyfriend’s handsome face. You glance down at him, watch him slip that vibrator into his mouth for just a second and lewdly coat it in his saliva, before he’s reaching around to shove it past your pussy lips. They’re still swollen and puffy, but have long since relaxed enough for him to slip it in. “B-But what if—“

“You won’t,” he cuts off, readjusting himself closer to your cunt again, “come on, pretty girl.”

The reason you think you and Jungkook click so well was because he was able to bring that vulnerable side out of you every now and then. He knew you liked to parade around with that huge superiority complex, and he loved it. But he also knew there were things you liked and disliked, and sometimes it took a little pushing for you to reveal them.

For a second, that horny cloud over his irises lifts, and he gives you one of those cute, sloppy winks as he taps your thigh gently. “Fuck my face, sweetheart,” he whispers, “drag that pretty cunt all over me until I can’t breathe.” A gasp catches in your throat, hands unconsciously curling against his scalp. He notices, and flashes you a lazy smirk. “You can do that, can’t you?”

Something akin to adoration blooms in your chest, and before you can blurt out something embarrassing—like I love you—there’s a soft click that has The Bullet Bestie revving up inside of you. You gasp, the sudden vibrations deep inside your pussy making your hips snap forward, clit rubbing against Jungkook’s nose.

“O-Oh,” you cry, and that’s all it takes for you to lose it. Your hips start off slow, at first just savoring the wet drag of his tongue against your lips, his nose against your clit. He sticks his tongue out for you, and part of you wants to tell him he’s a good boy, that corny hentai ad flashing in your mind, but you doubt you’ll survive the aftermath of that. Once you find that perfect pace, your hands are practically yanking at his hair, pushing him further into the mattress as you ride his face like he’s nothing but a toy. “Kook, Jungkook,” you pant, grinding your lower lips against his all too eager mouth.

It feels oddly weird being over him like this, using him like this. You like to think you and Jungkook have equal power in the bedroom, but you will admit that more often than not, he assumes control by default. You’re not particularly bothered by that, because you doubt you’d ever come up with the crazy ideas Jungkook did when he was horny (okay, a lie, because you definitely have thought of crazy sex schemes before).

But, this moment…

The power was quickly going to your head. “Fuck,” you sob, roughly dragging the length of your pussy over and over his face. The hands around your thighs are pressing against your skin with a strength that would hurt were you not blinded by arousal. His eyes are shut, lids fluttering open every now and then as he watches you buck wildly over his face like he was a pillow in high school and your parents were gone for the weekend.

It doesn’t help that the rhythmic pulses of the vibrator inside of you are doing their job well, the tongue that slips into your pussy joining together to form a powerful combination. It’s ultimately what has you halting your manic thrusts, instead falling into a slow grind over him. Your hips circle, eyes squeezed shut as you lose yourself in the lapping of his tongue against your dripping hole. “Mmmf,” you mewl, biting down on your lower lip as the wet muscle prods against a delicate spot within you. You hear feels light, view of the gorgeous man beneath you obstructed by the eyelids that can't seem to stay open. “N-No,” you cry, pulling his hair more roughly than you intended to in order to redirect him. “There, there,” you whimper, holding him tight against your pussy.

Beneath you, Jungkook exhales harshly against your lips, hands moving frantically over your thighs as he works his tongue inside of you alongside the bullet vibrator. If you weren’t so caught up in your own pleasure, all kinds of sounds spilling from your lips, you would have heard the quiet moans that fall from his. Alas.

It takes a few more pulses from the toy and a few more licks from Jungkook until you’re coming for the third time that night, features twisting up as your pussy clenches around his tongue before spilling down his mouth. Your back arches, a defeated moan escaping you as you release the same mess he’d claimed to clean up onto his lovely face. You can barely breathe afterwards, mouth dry and head dizzy when Jungkook finally pops back out from between your thighs. You barely have enough time to lift yourself up, pussy lightly brushing across his Adam’s apple as you stop yourself from crushing his windpipe. It makes you twitch.

“Good girl,” Jungkook praises with a cheeky smile that distracts you from the bullet toy he retrieves from your quivering cunt. His face is absolutely glistening from your arousal, skin warm and flush. He’s looking up at you like you’re some mythical goddess and he’s but a humble villager coming to pay his respects at the temple that is your body. Fuck, were you okay? You don’t think you’ve ever felt this good in your entire life, and Jungkook’s mushy gaze was doing things to your heart.

He presses a kiss against the inside of your thigh before helping you off of him, laughing meanly when you flop limply down beside him. He’s still fully clothed, a fact that irks you when he leans over to kiss you with that glossy face of his. “D’you like it?” he mumbles, kissing softly down your face. You nod, legs twitching from the aftermath of that wild ride. “I saw it, y’know,” he says suddenly.

“Saw what?” you mumble, mindlessly rolling your head to the side and exposing more skin when he begins kissing along your neck.

Jungkook says nothing, just rolls over you. Part of you thinks he’s crazy, but you’re suddenly hit with the realization that while Jungkook’s drawn three orgasms out of you in the course of an hour, you hadn’t done anything for him. Before you can dive head first into swallowing his cock, he’s kissing you softly. “That stupid face,” he smirks, slotting his mouth against yours. “That weird, now realistic face,” he tacks on.

You huff out a laugh, throwing your leg around his waist comfortably. Jungkook smiles, kisses you one last time before settling in your arms, face cutely pressed in between your boobs. “Hey,” you call, “don't you wanna cum too?”

He shakes his head, a soft sigh filling the air. “Nah,” he says, cuddles closer into you. “Rest now, baby.”

You roll your eyes. “I can feel your dick against my thigh,” you point out, wiggling your pelvis upward to brush against his throbbing erection. Jungkook holds you down in an effort to stop you. “Fuck me.”

He groans against your collarbone. “No, you’re tired,” he tries to convince you, but his skin is warm and flushed in the way it always gets when he’s riled up. “Sleep.”

With the leg around his hip, you pull him closer. “Fuck me, Jungkookie,” you purr, using the hands in his hair to turn his face up towards yours. His dark eyes are drawn down cutely, pouty lips too. “Use my body,” you suggest, “I’m yours anyway.”

His eyes flutter shut, a quiet whimper falling from his lips. “Don’t say that,” he sighs, “makes me wanna do very mean things to you.”

You smile. “You can do whatever you want to me, don’t you know that?” Another groan, his head falling forward until he’s hiding in your neck. Still, there’s movement from below, he sweats slipping down at his hips until that throbbing cock is pressed into the tiny crease where your thigh meets your pelvis. There’s a moment of hesitation, and you wonder if this is what he felt like earlier when he’d managed to get you to sit on his face. “Inside, Jungkookie,” you murmur, reaching down to line him up with your sensitive entrance. He whines softly, arms wrapping around you as he pulls you close. “Good boy.”

Despite your earlier belief that you’d never survive an encounter with Jungkook after using such a term on him, the result is much different from what you had anticipated. He visibly melts into your arms, cock slipping past your folds easily. “No,” he says, his voice feathery and whiny against your ear. “I can’t.”

You soothe a hand down his back, eyes fluttering shut as he begins slowly rutting against your swollen lips. “That’s it,” you encourage, tugging softly at his wavy hair. Jungkook moans wantonly against your neck, rolling his hips harshly against you until his arms are the only things keeping you from jostling out of his hold. “Do you like this pussy?” you ask, purposefully clenching around him, tummy tightening at the stimulation you keep packing on.

Jungkook shudders, pace growing slipping inside of you. “Yes,” he pants, “s-so wet… creamy.”

“Yeah?” you huff, pressing a smiley kiss against his forehead. “It’s yours.”

“Ffffuck,” Jungkook chokes, picking up his pace as his well-deserved orgasm reaches its peak. He’s breathing harshly now, and it’s taking everything in you to keep your pussy tight around him. But after the night he’d given you, the sounds and faces he pulled from you, it’s the least you can do. Besides, your body, after being so thoroughly pleased, still rears up for one final orgasm with him. “Mine,” he growls, bucking his hips into you. “You’re mine, baby, mine,” he seethes, ending his little tryst with a piston of his hips that makes you gasp, body almost unconsciously spasming around him. It’s painful, but so, so delicious how he manages to pull this last orgasm from you as he finally busts inside of you.

He comes with a stuttering garble of words, none of which you catch as he collapses into your hold for the final time that night. “Fuck,” he pants afterwards, leaning into your touch when he finally registers the soft combing of fingers through his hair. “That was evil.”

You laugh, pulling him closer. “As evil as you making me suffer through three orgasms before putting your dick in me?” you tease. Jungkook slips out of you, and you know it’ll be a hassle to clean your sheets tomorrow but it’s worth it.

“It’s called building the scene,” he weakly defends, blindly tugging the puffy blanket over the two of you. “I was gonna rhyme it with that horrible website you made me use but I already forgot it’s name.”

“Rude,” you snap, “it’s called KissAnime.”

“And fore-play,” he suddenly says, and you almost yank his eyeballs out of their sockets for doing that stupid thing again.

—

epilogue 

Two weeks later, your favorite website and home to hentai ads is shut down after years of piracy. Jungkook laughs at your demise, sits and actually cackles at your heartbreak, until he eventually comforts you with his flaming demon cock and a subscription to both Crunchyroll and Funimation. Doyeon spends weeks tracking down a missing package, apparently some freebie she’d gotten for being such an avid customer on Sexuality Unleashed: The Best Toys Worldwide! before eventually finding it in your drawer. And because her and Jungkook have some awkward life-long rivalry for your attention, he doesn’t pay for that. 

—

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