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#i feel like im being thick

alchemania · 6 months

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Love Comes, Slowly. (Death Comes Faster.)

(Or, Furina falls ill, and Wanderer is confronted with the fact he cares a lot more than he realized.)

(He's got a name in this drabble too lads yippee!! He and Furina are close enough now he feels comfortable letting her call him by a name :] oh yeah and uh. This was not intended as shippy, if you were wondering, just to get that out of the way. It's platonic.)

“..ina. Furina!”

The white haired girl blinked owlishly, startled to attention. “Huh? What?”

“This is the third time I've called you,” Tetsuya frowned, eyebrows furrowed. “Are you daydreaming?” Furina flushed in answer, scratching the back of her neck.

“I've just been a little out of it today,” she muttered. That much was an understatement. She'd awaken with a fogginess in her head and a heaviness in her stomach that just hadn't gone away, and everything seemed to be processing twice as slowly, leaving her behind as the world kept moving. Was it always this warm, too??? Furina felt like she was baking, even for a place as warm as Sumeru, something felt off-

“Hey!”

Wanderer's hands grabbing her face snapped her to attention, and Furina instinctively leaned into them a little, comforted by how cool they were. In contrast, his pupils dilated a little - humans were always very warm in contrast to him, but Furina felt especially hot. “Are you sick?”

"I don't know…. maybe…?”

Tetsuya's eyes flashed with something unreadable, and he quickly took his companion by the hand, fear gripping his chest as much as he would deny it was there. “Well, we need to get you medical attention, then.”

“I'll be fine-”

“I know you will,” he asserted, “because we are GOING to get you looked at.” His tone left no room for arguments, and Furina stared at him hollowly before weakly nodding. She didn't understand why he was so vehement all of a sudden, but she didn't have much energy to be stubborn.

“Mkay…”

Tetsuya began to lead her through the city then, and she let herself be pulled along, slipping in and out of awareness as voices around her rose and fell like the tides. Very soon however, it was a struggle just to put one foot in front of the other, and Furina wobbled to a stop, a hand to her temple. Wanderer turned to her then, frowning. “What's wrong?”

“Tired,” she mumbled, barely able to keep her eyes open. “Achy, too…”

“We'll be to the clinic soon, just - we're going to get you some help,” he replied, and if she were fully coherent she'd notice his voice was slightly strained from barely concealed worry. “Come on. You can lean on me if you need to.” He seemed so far away, despite the fact he was right there, and Furina's legs buckled, too weak to support their owner's weight anymore. She crumpled to the ground, and Tetsuya froze, unable to move for a moment. And then the spell was broken, and he knelt by her side, frantic. “Furina!? Hey!! HEY!! Furina!!” With shaky hands, he took her pulse, relief flooding him when it came through strong and consistent.

It might not stay that way for long, though. You've seen this before.

Pushing that thought away, Tetsuya carefully wrapped one arm around Furina's back to support her and then scooped her up princess style - she was so small, and he noticed her cheeks were quite rosy, beads of sweat all over her brow.

..the fever's getting worse.

He had to hurry. He had to hurry.

Tetsuya swears he's never flown so fast before, everything whizzing by in a blur (and if his vision blurred for reasons other than his swiftness, no one needed to know). The moment he touches the ground again, he's racing towards one of the nurses, chest too hot and too cold all at once. “My friend collapsed,” (and it's startling, how easy it is now to call her that) “Help her. Please.” Furina was gently taken from his arms, and he lingered like a shadow as she was carefully placed in one of the beds, a cool cloth laid on her brow. “She gonna be alright?” Wanderer ventured, and his voice was so so small, expression more akin to someone centuries ago; someone who hadn't yet seen the depth of all the world's sorrows. One of the nurses turned and nodded, in reassurance.

“Her illness was caught early on, so she should be just fine. It's good you noticed quickly. She should be back to normal in a few days with rest, but you can spend the night if you'd like-”

“Absolutely.” He was not going to leave. No way in hell. Settling into a chair nearby, he tried to calm the storm in his chest, closing his eyes to clear his thoughts. The hours flew by, and eventually Wanderer sat up and gently shook Furina, to rouse her. “It's time for you to take your medicine. Come on.” Furina didn't move, and suddenly, he couldn't breathe, chills gripping him.

Oh.

Oh, god. God, please, no. Not again. Please, not again. He couldn't do this again.

“Hey,” Tetsuya called again, shaking the girl harder. “If this is a joke, it's not funny. You need to get up. They said you were going to get better, so you have to.” He'd made it in time this time, he'd - as soon as he could, he'd brought her here… so there was no reason that -

Tetsuya took Furina's hand, and to his horror, it was cold (like his) and limp. Just like - no, no no. This wasn't happening this could NOT be happening it couldn't!! “You can't just - leave me like this,” he managed, tears flooding his eyes. But she had. She had, and he didn't even get to say goodbye, and he couldn't breathe, sobs choking him. This time, he understood that death was a constant, that it would come and claim all humans eventually but-

...that didn't make it hurt any less, as much as he'd tried to deny it.

“Furina, come on, you're one of the only friends I have I - please don't leave me behind. Please - I'll do anything just wake up; wake up!”

I couldn't save you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

He can't stop crying. He's sprung a leak and he can't fix it and everything hurts so badly and a nurse is taking his hand and pulling him away and turning his face into her chest so he won't look, and he can't stop crying and he's begging her to do something, anything, but she can't. She knows that, and he knows it, too.

Furina was gone, and he couldn't do anything. No one could.

Tetsuya jolted awake, tears streaming down his cheeks, and gasped. Stars twinkled above, and he sat up after a split second of regaining his senses. It was a dream. It was just a dream. Then, Furina- getting up in a hurry, he raced to her side and shook her frantically, and to his immense relief, she stirred. Heterochromic eyes stared blankly at him, and she blinked sleepily. “Tetsuya…?? What - oogh!” He was squeezing her in a hug before she could process what was happening, tucking his head into her shoulder. “Oh….hey hey, it's okay,” Furina mumbled, patting his back weakly in reassurance. “M’just tired..why are you crying??”

“You're okay,” he barely managed, holding her like she'd disappear if he let go. “I had a dream and - no, it..it doesn't matter. It wasn't real. You're okay.” Wanderer's voice broke then, and he sobbed, relief overwhelming. “You can't leave me yet, okay? Not yet. Please. You're the best friend I ever had.”

“I'm going to get better, don't worry. They're taking good care of me here, and I'll be out in no time and - ….”

“What? What is it? What's wrong?”

“Nothing, just.. you said, I'm your friend-”

The young man froze, taken aback, and then eased up again, slowly nodding. “.. I did say that.”

“You mean it?”

“..Wouldn't say it if I didn't.”

Furina smiled, laying her head atop Wanderer's, and blue and white locks spilled into each other. “You're my friend too, yanno. Thank you for bringing me here when you did. I might be a lot worse off otherwise.”

“You don't have to thank me. I just - . . did what anybody would do.”

“Maybe, but I still want to thank you. Gotta make sure the people you love know they're appreciated.” Tetsuya stiffened at that, blinking rapidly. Oh god, she couldn't just - say things like that, he'd cry all over again and - he had to have misheard.

“You- …what?”

“You're my friend, and I love you,” Furina reasserted, and she said it so easily, like she was talking about the weather, like she was stating a fact of the world, and it shook him to his core.

“.. I - oh,” was all he could say, hot tears making their way down his face again. “Just. Just like that?”

“Just like that,” she nodded, and the tears fell faster. He loved her too, he realized - he wasn't quite sure the exact dimensions of it but he knew he cared for her as a friend would, wanted to stand by her side and defend her with everything he had. Still, it wasn't very easy to say that, so he hoped his actions spoke for themselves. She seemed to understand though, to his relief.

“..why?” Tetsuya finally ventured, because he did not understand. There were many things he did not understand, actually. What he did not expect was for her to answer his question with a question.

“Why not?”

“Why not? Because - …I mean, you've seen how I act.”

“Doesn't make you unlovable, yanno. You're prickly, yeah, but I mean. If love is conditional, it's not love at all. You care about me - the real me, and I care about you, flaws and all. And that's not gonna change. Okay?”

“...mm,” Wanderer managed, nodding once.

Just like that. Just because he was, he was cared for. Worldrocking, that.

They stayed like that for a long time, until one of the nurses came to take care of Furina, and soon after the girl fell asleep. Tetsuya watched how the nurse gently tucked her in and brushed her damp bangs out of her forehead, expression contemplative. Humans could be selfish, they could be deceptive, they could be cowardly - but they also cared about each other and they loved each other, too- and some of them had so, so much love to give, it was daunting. Here in one moment and gone the next but they loved so much and so deeply - and for a moment, he wondered if he could, too, love the world and everything in it or - most things. He didn't think so, but these days it did seem a little brighter than it had before. Maybe that was a sign he was changing, without realizing it.

He would think more about it later. For now, he simply held Furina's hand as she slept and leaned his head on the side of the bed, heart steady. They'd said she needed a few days to recuperate, and he would be here until then. She would be okay, she would be alright. There was nothing to fear anymore, and everything would be okay. He wasn't going to lose her - not for now, anyway.

..to love, and to be loved, was wonderful, he thought.

Maybe that was living.

..he could come to thrive in it.

#genshin impact #furina #wanderer #HI GUYS I'M BACK AGAIN YIPPEE #oh boy oh boy i love these guys so much im so ill over them i need them to interact in canon #but until then i will write my dream interactions #anyway uh my hc is wanderer gets very fussy when people get sick because yk. trauma. he's scared of them leaving him behind again aha!#i dab to hide my tears #but yeah he cares about furina very much she's wormed her way into his heart and he's like Oh No.......Oh Dear #i think furina loves very very deeply and it's easy for her to express that. she has a big heart #wanderer also loves deeply once like. you get past his walls but by god!! they're thick as hell. 400+ years of trauma is crazy bro #it's hard for him to say it verbally too so he expresses it through actions he cooks for his friends he looks out for their well-being #he takes note of things people like and then like. gives them those things; etc #something something wanderer giving acts of service as a means to feel useful pipeline to him giving because it is his way to love.#do you feel me. do you get it. am i making sense #aughhhhhhhhhghghghggh #he is just. a lot to me i love him #and i love furina #and they are gonna heal together and it will be better

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northern-passage · 10 months

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;-; I was on my way to replay faith for like the 34895487 time and it's gone ;;;;;;-;;;;;;

it was one of the best pieces of the jam

are u ok?

thank you this is very sweet :-)

i did take faith down... the short of it is just that faith got a really weird reception and it made me feel really weird and just overall, while i don't regret the experience, i think i had different expectations going into a jam and because of that i just didn't feel good about it in the end. i think i have just learned that game jams are not for me hahaha

this isn't me trying to discourage people from participating or anything (it was still fun making something like that) but it's just my personal experience. if you want to join any jams you should try it for yourself and see, i know a lot of people had fun with this jam so i'm not generalizing at all & you may have a different experience than me. and it was still really cool to see all the different stories that came out of it :-)

#and to be clear no one was like. Mean i guess aside from anons in my inbox lol #like i have a pretty thick skin about ratings and reviews and it wasnt anything to do with that really. everyone that did rate/review #was very nice actually #but it was some of the other reactions that just made me feel like..... Unwelcome #it just feels like me and my work do not.... fit in. is the best way i can describe it #and maybe im being overly critical of myself and just in my own head about it but. what can you do #maybe i'll reupload it eventually outside of the jam but atm i just need it Offline because ppl made me feel weird about it #and i dont want to feel weird or self conscious about my work #i wanted to keep it up until the end of the jam and then i was going to wait until after the donations were done but #it just didnt work out that way unfortunately. that's what i get for posting it so early on during the jam lmfao #ask #anonymous

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blueside-hobi · 5 months

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As much as I love overwatch, I am so sick of people being mean. It seems like 90% of games whichever losing side either blames their tank or support when 90% of the time it's definitely not either. Also I only play quick play games so these don't even matter. I can understand being upset if you're playing competitive but people still don't need to be rude. Quick play is supposed to be fun. I usually get people commenting on me being a one trick but if I play anyone else then I get told I suck. How am I supposed to learn new characters if I get bullied from trying them? And especially now that there's only one tank I constantly see "tank diff" in the chat. Like grow up. It is very rarely only one person's fault that a game is lost and that's usually because they leave or they are literally not trying and just running around saying hi to the enemy team. No way was it all the tanks fault. And it's literally always the damage players complaining about it. Like maybe you're losing because you keep saying rude shit in the chat and you're bringing morale down and nobody wants to play with you.

#idk if the age group is just super young or if its literally just assholes that play but they need to do something about it #i feel like in the old overwatch it was easier to report people #but im also still new to this so maybe i just dont know how yet #and i mainly feel bad for the other people that have to play with them or when someone says something about my teammate #like i dont give a shit what people say to me personally #being a mercy one trick will give you a thick skin lol #but like i cant help but think about the next healer they play with #because it still does suck #like i get over it and continue like i dont see the comments but i wouldnt blame someone for stopping from healing them #any time someone on my team says something mean about our other healer i make sure to be extra aware of that healer and keep them alive #and ill take care of the asshole if they stop because i dont expect them to put up with them #the best though is when you start with a really toxic person and youre losing so badly that it genuinely hurts #and then they leave and all of a sudden you win #like yeah it was totally everyone else dude #overwatch

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honorary-fool · 9 months

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thinking so hard about my nameless bard cosplay & comic con.

thinking about how like 6 people recognized it at comic con last year. about the dainsleif cosplay that looked me up and down and just nodded while waiting for my dad for something. about walkin' out of a panel and hearing two people behind me excitedly talking like 'oh that's venti's friend!' and just beaming.

thinking about the fact i'm procrastinating on possibly resewing the shirt and needing to restyle the wig before october. about the bennett & fischl cosplayers i ran into at the end who got really excited when i pulled the wisp outta my cloak. about inevitably being mistaken for venti twice </3 /nm, and about the lady running the dnd dice table in the vendor's hall that probably thought i was dressed up as my dnd character (which is technically not wrong :eyeing my dnd character rowan: /hj). about how excited i am for this year.

about how despite all the layers from the shirt, shorts, cloak, faux corset, etc., how i'm so comfortable in it (outside of the wig) (dare i say gender euphoria??). about the little "they/them" pin i'm gonna pin to my cloak bc fuck it, correct pronouns + they/them bard headcanon agenda (/j, they/he headcanon but beside the point)

i just,,,, ough i love my nameless bard cosplay so much <333

#rambles to the void #og posts #genshin impact #nameless bard #old mondstadt #cosplay #istg i can't wait to show y'all when i put it on again #or at the very least the outfit bc i dont like the wig (it feels too thick bc im so used to my normal hair being flat against my head)#hoping erika harlacher eventually returns as a guest to the con i wanna show her so bad but the year she was there I didnt go bc covid :<<#ei's english va's gonna be there this year though which is neat!

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iloveyouitisruiningmylife · 8 months

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i want to be a part of a big group of people who love each other SO BAD i want to have a friend group i want to care and love many people at once i want to belong feel a sense of community but i am so isolated i don't even have one single friend and am i just going to die alone probably yes right im already 20 years old and this 19 year old guy at office was like we were both waiting counting down the minutes till 4 pm so we could go home and we were like yaar kal parso bhi aana padega sunday kitna door hai but then he was like yaar do yk it's already been a month here and time is passing so fast and im not doing anything that people my age do im sitting in a locked office my whole day and aise hi sunday ka wait karte karte 2 saal ho jayenge fir job main bhi aise hi lagega and yaar aise tog puri zindagi hi nikal jayegi and i was like what the fuck shut up you're so right and im already 20 and i feel so lonely and other people are so fucking normal and happy and enjoy festivals while im sitting here worrying about how to finish my backlog watch lectures my life is so small limited to 10 books one course and i feel so on the outside of everything what the fuck man how do i live like this 🧍

#there was janmashtmi celebration in our building and the guys they fell like 3 baar but they got back up again and again with even more #energy and finally did it and everyone was so fucking happy and the music was so loud that go go go govinda song and i remember loving this #song loving the dance in it since when do i feel so distant from it i don't understand why but everyone was celebrating and i felt like #crying and and i was being so irritatble with everyone and i asked my sis if is it okay if i eat maggi bc i think im hungry and it's d #driving me crazy and she said ofcourse it is okay and do you want to go and eat ice cream EVEN THO SHE DOESN'T LIKE GOING OUT AT NIGHT AND #LIKES FASTING SO SHE WOULDNT EVEN HAVE ONE SHE WAS JJST ASKING FOR ME 😭😭😭#and this fucking icai they sent a whole ass laminated certificate that i saw just now my mom gave me printef on thick paper #my name in times roman saying i passed inter level???? i had no idea they did something like this marksheet already aa chuki thi😭#it fucking feels like god is sending a sign that this is what you're getting for sacricing your happiness hang in there I DON'T KNOW #EVERYTHING IS MAKING ME CRY IS THIE EVEN WORTH IT AND I BLAME IT SO MUCH BUT WOULD I EVEN BE HAPPY WITHOUT IT WOUKD I EVEN KNOW HOW TO BE #happy

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