#i didnt...think id make it this far?

[inkybinkyboink]

no but like what the fuck

#vent post time!!!!!!!!!!!! #like ok so i graduate and then what #i move? to a different province? and i learn to teach kids? and then what #and then i teach kids??? #what if it doesnt make me happy #like the thought makes me happy now #but what if i get there and it doesnt #or what if it stops making me happy #am i just like doomed to keep making new batches of friends every 4-5 years? will there always be awful people amongst them? #i didnt...think id make it this far? #like i know thats dark and stupid but like i didnt and now im just kind of making very brief one to two year plans because i dont know what #to do and that scares me. like graduating is terrifying because i dont know whats next #like no matter where i go even if i stay here it will be intrinsically different #and i dont want to stay here because its safe or because i know this place because i dont want to get stuck here #maybe im just scared of growing older? i dont know man #idk. living with anxiety is hard. #like i know it'll b ok but its scary. and it never stops being scary. #its ok for now because i still have a year left

[grantihare]

our cat broke his hip on christmas

hi, your local guy-with-a-blog is here to dox himself so his cat can walk again!

i made posts earlier as this was happening, but now that i've heard back from enough vets to get an idea of how steep this is going to be, i can't not ask for help.

its cheesy to say, but my cats are my everything. mordred, especially, spends his days basically glued to my side. he's my little shadow, and i don't know where i'd be without him.

when he woke me up to feed him at 6am on christmas morning, he was completely fine. i went back to sleep after, and when i woke up for real at 8, he was limp on the ground. when we went to move him, he howled and thrashed like we were torturing him. he ran, and we saw he wasn't using his right back leg.

many tears and an anxiety riddled 4 hour wait for our emergency vet appointment later, we were told he had a right capital physeal fracture, which basically means he snapped the ball bit of the ball joint in his hip. the vet said the best option for him is a femoral head and neck ostectomy (FHO), which'll take the broke bit of his bone out and the scar tissue will sort of just grow in the right way to replace his missing joint (cats are so weird)

its the cheapest option, and its the one with the best success rate, which is super lucky. unfortunately, its still expensive as fuck.

weve been quoted anywhere between 3.5k and 8k by vets i've contacted so far, and most need at least half as a downpayment before they'll operate. it'd take us years to cover the full cost by ourselves. so we've got to break out the big guns - a full gofundme, which will be shared with basically everyone we know, and hopefully far past that as well. carecredit can only cover so much for us, and our immediate family can't afford to lend us much. the internet is our only hope for meeting the full cost and getting mordred better

mordred's the light of my life and i can't stand to see him in pain like this. anything helps. if youre not in a financial state where you can donate, spreading the word is just as important and just as deeply appreciated.

thank you so much for getting this far.

our gofundme is here

#ive never really been so desperate for an assistance post to take off before i dont know what to tag this as #but its breaking my heart to look at him and know im so far from being able to fix him #rbs appreciated #anything appreciated even just kind words to make me feel a little less helpless #i hate living in a HCOL area i keep seeing vets in the south wholl do it for under 2k and it makes me want to cry #if i didnt think the trip would be immensely painful for him id just do it like that

[demadogs]

i always say i dont want a book to have a screen adaptation out of fear of them doing it dirty and then i think of the most perfect casting ever for the main character and im like FUCK now i wont sleep until i see this happen

#yes im still thinking about walker scobell as simon snow and i will not stop thinking about it for years #look at the last gifset i rbd TELL ME THATS NOT JUST FIFTH YEAR SIMON SNOW #i read carry on when i was SIXTEEN and i am not exaggerating i have been trying to cast simon for the last 8 years #ive had some pretty solid options for baz but for some reason simon has been so hard to find #but this kid oh my god he fits him so perfectly hes such a great actor but also he just looks exactly like how simons described #just give him a little more freckles and moles and that is simon snow #and percy and simon are very similar characters so i COULD NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT i lost it when he fought the chimera with a sword #im so attached to carry on ​i would be absolutely DEVASTATED if it was adapted terribly so ive always said i didnt want any adaptation #BUT FUCK WALKER SCOBELL LITERALLY IS SIMON SNOW AND NOW I WANT IT AAAAH #SOMEONE PLZ TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS SOMEONE ELSE HAS GOT TO BE INSANE ABOUT IT TOO #now im gathering pics of every kid actor i want for each character and im putting them next to each other like theyre action figures #might make a post about who id cast for everyone i have so far #DEFINITELY will if someone asks me to #walker scobell #simon snow #carry on #snowbaz #books #books and reading #booklr

[earthcookies]

i turned 29 on the 29th...crazy

#SO CLOSE TO 30 #(plankton voice) i didnt think id make it this far...

[shleemies]

2015->2023

It gets better

#was looking at old photos and put these side by side. wow #in the first pic i was miserable malnourished and so depressed i didnt think id make it to 2016 #the second pic was a few months ago in too lazy to take w newer one today lol #im still depressed but not like i was. ive come so far and its so hard to see it from day to day sometimes #i never thought id live long enough to go on hrt. top surgery felt completely impossible #but i got to live #i got to transition #i wish i could go back and show that scared kid how far we've come #idk these pics just had me feeling really sappy #maybe one day ill make a more intentional transition timeline post #but these photos really show a lot #transgender love transgender peace transgender joy #it gets better i promise #sounds fake and shallow but it's so fucking true

[skitskatdacat63]

I translated seb's car names to Latin right? The next step of mental illness is to assign all the different Holy Roman Emperors' Latin mottos to drivers LMFAO

#for some reason i thought only the baroque guys had them #but nope! goes back pretty far. not sure how far yet but back until the 1500s at least #and idk?? its sick to me ig??? #its very funny to imagine them scribbling out different latin phrases and trying to choose which suits them #^ im not sure how they chose them id have research but thats my headcanon LOL #especially charles vi bcs he had diaries so all i can imagine is him filling up pages w different options #OH MY GLD ALSO #so charles v right. pretty prolific emperor i think #guess what his motto was??? 'plus ultra' 😭😭😭 oh my god #also some guy's was abt Caesar and i didnt look too closely but i like to think he was a history nerd sjkflg #but anwyays already have nando and seb's 🥰🥰 #god theyre like way too fitting it scares me #seb's 'through persistence and courage' especially #^ im gonna make a post abt that soon bcs in the last ep of the Brawn doc + #+ christian kept talking abt how seb never gave up hope for winning that wdc and its SOOOOOOOOO fitting its crazy #also nando's 'by love and fear' is just. yeah. (cant be assed to remember the Latin itself sorry) #but yeah idk lookign at them. i think irs be funny to assign them 😭 #not even 'which emperor is this f1 driver like' but 'which motto fits them' :D #the peak level of brainrot tbh #catie.rambling.txt

[gigilefache]

Birth

#I know it sounds cheesy but I am very happy to be here #there was a point i didnt think id make it this far #but i am and it makes me happy #and i will continue to reach even older birthdays :)

[ut-side-character-showdown]

Toby vs temmie would be so funny though. God vs God.

True, but that already happened in the last tournament. It would be nice for a Deltarune character to win the Deltarune tournament, but it's up to the people!

#to clarify: im not complaining about temmie or toby getting so far. #if i didnt want there to be a chance for them to make it to the finals id have not included them in the first place #i just think it would be more fitting for a character originally from deltarune to win #also i am currently trying to think of what to do next please send an ask if you have any ideas!!! #not the polls #asks

[thefelinerouge]

fisticuffs nation We hvae hit 2 million views on the comic tag How are we feeling

#it doesnt rlly count #cus well i have videos that blew up #and theres several comics with the fisticuffs moniker apparently #but it’s okay it’s the thought #im glad people were interested and went looking! #some people made fan accounts and even formed fictives of dot and fifi im rlly shocked #i didnt think id make it this far

[somethingsomethingcomic]

aged like wine

bonus:

#smth smth #very weird sensation this whole growing older thing #junes 30th bday is in like. 2 months. thats crazy #my wife will be 30. and then ill be 29 this year and then 30 next year #gotta say i didnt think id make it this far! but thats a different comic i already wrote like 7 years ago #when i was mega depressed lol #anyway its cool tho. im kinda looking forward to it #also i cannot believe it took me this long to discover and use csp's text balloon feature. what a gift

[marigolian]

To evade a vulture in Chimney Canopy I pulled a master move and jumped to my death.

#my ramblings #text post #rain world #rw #my monk campaign #I literally pulled up a map for Five Pebbles because I was so over the zero gravity mechanic #Honestly I didnt even think Id make it this far lmao

[xamaxenta]

chemically i feel like i should be allowed to equalise ive suffered enough

#equalise how lol #not to be cringe and wax poetic or whatever bc woe is me and woe is like a constant state #but the lines in my face just look really sad ????? #like you know how people have laughter lines or smile lines dimples and stuff ? #im envious bc mine just look like exhaustion sadness and alot of ahem ragrets #i Didnt think id make it this far #i used to function on spite but i have nothing to fight for anymore because i just dont think its worth it? #it sucks #bitch where did you go huh #anyway therapy is expensive #and so is insurance #and insurance doesnt often cover mental health much in my country soooo #fuck us huh #BASICALLY i really fuckin hate myself but that is absolutely nothing new #i hate myself to the point that i think about killing myself once a week which is alot i think but i dont act on it bc im aware of what #that does to people

[kunikame]

happy birthday to me woohoo! [trembles] im.. im 18 now...! [starts crying]

#! natsume stfu #what do i do with my life now guys #didnt think id make it this far

[wabblebees]

.

#have been attempting to make a self-tape for this audition for DAYS #after a whole helluva lotta bullshit having to do with hunting down a time+space+camera to film with i Finally managed to get some takes #then some weird bullshit with the camera's sd card happened where i wasnt able to pull the files off onto my laptop #FINALLY able to copy the files to my laptop. FINALLY able to access playback (the video camera i borrowed wouldnt let me access its gallery #FINALLY watching them... they all kinda suck so far but thats Fine at least i Have Them yk #get to take 7 and its actually not nearly as terrible as the previous 6!! feelin pretty good abt this one!! dont get hopes too high ofc but #i mean hey this ones acceptable if the last few arent any good either & just in case i cant go thru with my plans for tmrw to do a reshoot #so yk i start to rename the file so i can tell which clip it is! #Whole Laptop Crashes #WAHOO #typed this up to avoid freakin out while carefully rebooting her. bbg dont do this to me #luckily i already saved multiple contingency copies just in case (bc ive already had so many issues i was feelin Extra Cautious) #so i at least dont have to worry about dealing with the sd card bullshit Again. ugh #EDITING TO SAY: SHE LIVES!! laptop is fine after powering back up & files are unscathed!! was able to retitle & keep on truckin no problem #god i hate dealing with video as a medium #*this* is why im a stage performer not a screen actor lmao #fuck this shit. juust gimme a floor and an audience and ill make it worrk #cameras are fickle creatures on-par with printer machines #im rly excitednervous abt this audition tho; only submitted my resume+headshot on a whim & didnt rly think anything would come of it #but they contacted me and asked for a tape!! so im like !!!!! okayy sure id love to send that !!! i just have to face The Horrors first #if i dont get it then thats not the end of the world or anyth; but itd be SO FUCKING COOL if my v first submission landed me my first gig!! #so uhh. pls put out a good thought to the universe for my self-tape landing me the chance to perform in this queer play festival !! #bee speaks #🤞🤞🤞

[jojolimons]

that pokemon rejuvenation personality quiz really is accurate, got npcs using my they/them pronouns even tho i chose the boy option

#limon talks #nah im not saying im being misgendered #im assuming either its a bug or just written that way as a catch all #so far first impressions about 10 minutes in: funnily edgy #ik ppl want more serious plots but seeing characters threaten lives with pokemon kinda veers into dorkly territory. sorry. #also the prologue with the zorua and the pangoro just kinda screams 'cry over how angsty and tragic this is' #i guess the context of it being a bedtime story creates some dissonance #like bedtime stories are written as simple morals to read to children #didnt really get a moral out of it beyond maybe 'don't play *mean* pranks on your friends' #and ostensibly the point is to draw a clear parallel between maria and her family and pangoro and zorua #and not to make sense as a bedtime story first #but idk maybe the story could've been introduced in a different manner then #like at her school or smth #and then she comes home and gets sacrificed #dunno how id go about making pokemon convincingly intimidating #inherent limitation of the format i guess #then again gothitelle is not a strong start in terms of scary pokemon #its a little too goofy looking #maybe an alakazam? not very original but i think its a little less goofy

[opens-up-4-nobody]

You don't understand how unhinged I feel trying to construct an ending for Bleach that I personally would enjoy while knowing Bleach does not deserve my time and also not remembering enough to actually make anything coherent. And yet here I am.

#god. no one gives a fuck abt bleaching. i am screaming into the void. y cant i put this energy into being productive #i just want there to be themes and a satisfying ending. and ending that is sad and yet happy #i just think. for me. ichigo kurosaki died on the night rukia pierced him with her zanpakto. oh fuck i cant spell. fucking strap in #i kno he didnt technically die according to the rules of the universe but i think as soon as ichigos soul left his body. that body became #a corpse. so when he goes back into it its not suitible to live in anymore and he only starts to feel that with the fullbring arc #i think when rukia jumpstarted his powers she lit the fuse of a bomb and becoming a visor allowed him to chanel his resentment #bc he does resent. ichigo is an emotional person. he felt emense guilt when his mothet died bc he felt he couldnt protect her bc he was #being raised to protect. the boy has a complex and its kinda fuckrd up and its 1000% isshins fault. so when thr opportunity comes for #ichigo to sacrifice himself for his family he does and he literally and metaphorically dies. his life from that point on is overtaken by #death. so what do we do with ichigo after everything is said and done bc he cant go back to being human he cant be a living corpse. he has #to go to the soul society. bc i like to imagine everything hes done to his soul. his twisted cosmically weird special boy soul. hes like a #bomb. its unstable and they need to teach him to control it so he doesnt tear a hole in reality and let thr hollows pour in. so its safer #if that happens in thr soul society. and rukia lil miss ice princess can teach him to do that. i would also make it weird with god stuff but #i never read the blood war stuff so i dont kno enough abt the gods. also i would make rukia more at odds with everyone who was gonna let her #fucking die and who overlooked her bc she should b held with more reguard for her fighting. but misogyny 😒 so then what do we do with #ichigo in thr soul society? i cant stand the idea of him becoming part of the institution. i cant. i think he should be rogue. rebell. idk #train to be strong and battle agaisnt the 13 court guard squad who r clearly going to try to control him as he tries to control himself. #send my boy to therapy so he can control his reatsu? is the the word? idk. maybe he should go to that dead dog district and look for kids #with spiritual pressure. he needs to feel useful. maybe id just give him weird god powers. i am an ichigo special boy apologist #thats as far forward as i can think. ichigo has to b dead. has to learn to control his power before he can go fight. rukia can teach him #he rebells against the institution. encourages rukia to go apeshit bc fuck everyone. and then idk. he keeps trying to save ppl forever #or he dies and destroys the universe. a big ball of resentment and bad feels and secrets upon secrets upon secrets. god y am i thinking #abt this so much. ive got bullshit to deal with. anyway. idk i just like ichigo a lot and i think thr ending to bleach is th worst forever #bleach ramblings