#i can’t get this butterfly weed to sprout for the fucking life of me

[kazieka]

like, logically I am aware that honeysuckle is invasive in my area and that I should be glad it doesn’t grow in my backyard, But. on the other hand. tasty nectar treat :(

#lindsey shut up #ignore me I just spent an hour yanking up wild blackberry canes #and while I do like blackberries they gotta gtfo #i found fucking. Oregon Grape growing in the brush back there #and that’s also not native. but you see. #there were TWO Oregon Grapes. a big one and a little baby one right next to it. #and im not a monster. wtf am I going to uproot a mommy plant right in front of her baby plant??? #so I guess we just have Oregon Grapes now (annoyed) #(they don’t even taste good) #i can’t get this butterfly weed to sprout for the fucking life of me #but by god I can grow shitty grapes that don’t even taste good #Oregon Grape 🤝 muscadines 🤝 being shity grapes I don’t like but can’t stop growing #these tags got out of hand. sorry

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #214

“if you are dead or still alive, i don’t care.”

Do you wear perfume or cologne? Very very rarely. Typically if I have to go somewhere formal or something. What was your favorite grade in elementary school? Probably 5th. Do you own a debit card? No. A credit card? No. Are you in debt? I don't pay for anything that could cause me to be in debt. When is your birthday? February 5th. What song are you listening to now? "I Don't Care" by Apocalyptica. What was the most traumatic experience of your life? The breakup with Jason. Have you ever lost a friend to drugs or alcohol? Kinda. Who was your childhood best friend? Her name was Brianna. Are you still friends now? We just drifted apart. If not, why? ^ Do you believe in Karma? Nope. What do you thinks happens to us when we die? I don't pretend to know. I hope some sort of eternal peace for those deserving, but who the hell knows. What age do you think you’ll die? Idk. 70s/80s? My grandparents lived pretty long. About how long was the last book you read? I haven't a clue. Have you ever read a play before? Yeah, in school. A play not written by Shakespeare? I don't think so. Have you ever read a play outside of school? No. Have you ever edited Wikipedia? No. Have you ever edited any other wiki? A lot... I'm one of the admins at the Silent Hill wiki, a content mod or something I don't remember on the SotC one, and I occasionally edit the meerkats wiki, which is an atrocious mess that I try to clean up where I can. Is there a website [besides social networking] that you check almost daily? A lot. Do you use your phone as an alarm? Yep. Do you listen to music while you sleep? No. Do you get scared when you know some virus or sickness is being passed? I don't get "scared," just very paranoid of germs. Are you realistic? In some ways. Do you own a romper?  No. What popular social media platforms AREN’T you on? Snapchat, and then I have a Twitter solely to like Mark's shit lmao. What does your computer’s slow-loading cursor look like? It's a spinning light blue ring. Do you prefer Microsoft Word or Pages? I've never heard of the latter, so. Would you rather have a trampoline or swimming pool? A pool, please. Do you have the same favorite colors you had when you were a kid? Pink, yes. What do you like to put in your tea? N/A What do you like to put in smoothies? I don't really drink them. Do your stuffed animals have names? Some. What was the name of the first porcelain doll you got? Bitch miss me with that haunted doll shit. Do you sell any products? If so, what? No. Do you know how to knit? No. Do you have an inspiration board? I have one on Pinterest of hair colors I like. Do you have a colored teddy bear? Maybe up in the attic somewhere. On what day is your local grocery store the busiest? I'm sure it's the weekend. What day do you usually go grocery shopping? Mom doesn't have a designated "day." Do you own a bobblehead? No. What do you make wishes on? Nothing. Wishes aren't magic. Well, I do on birthday candles, but that's only as a tradition sorta thing. What’s the best natural pain reliever? It depends; sometimes nothing natural works. What’s your favorite Paramore song? "That's What You Get," probably. Do you like scrambled eggs? Yes. Have you ever made a recipe you found in a magazine? No. Have you ever done a craft that you saw in a magazine? I don't believe so. Are you bitter about anything? I am permanently and inexplicably bitter towards my former primary doctor that fucked up my entire body thanks to keeping me on a medication and her being an ignorant fuck to the side effects, apparently. What is your favorite color for cars? Burnt orange. What is your favorite color for bridesmaid dresses? *shrugs* If applicable, what’s your favorite dance costume that you’ve had? It was some sort of black dress-ish thing. I can't remember clearly. What’s your favorite flavor of mouthwash? Minty? Just ffs don't have alcohol in it. Do you drink CapriSuns? If there's nothing else to drink, sure. Do you prefer caramel or peanut butter? Peanut butter, I think. Do you like strawberry shortcake? No. Do you like butterflies? Yeah, they're my fave insect. Do you know any dances? Only the ones that literally tell you what simple move to do lmao. Did you go anywhere yesterday? No. Do you like yellow or blue more? Blue. Do you wear rings? Only one. What’s the last you got out of the freezer? French toast sticks for lunch yesterday. How often do you go for walks? Never, sadly. Walking along my road is scary with how busy it is, I CANNOT handle the heat, and for the time being, I can't walk far at all with my knee problem. Do you go on the computer or watch TV more? I say enough I don't watch TV, but I'm always on my laptop. What is something you’ll never eat again? Why? Brussel sprouts. 'Cuz they're fucking disgusting. What is currently happening that is scaring you? Abortion rights being taken away/wrongly modified is pretty scary, honestly. What would be your personal hell? The Christian Hell because fuck that heat lmao. What made the ‘weird kid’ at your school weird? He, I shit you not, would not say a word, but if he absolutely had to speak, he kept it very very short and quiet. He was always looking down and isolated himself. I felt really bad for him; he was so obviously depressed, but I was always too unsure of how to approach him and try to be a friend. What is a word you personally find offensive? "Retarded" when used incorrectly. What instantly puts you to sleep? Instantly go to sleep??? Please teach me how. What song is in a language you don’t speak, but you love it anyway? Well, I don't speak German fluently, so like, a shitload of Rammstein songs. What is something you would like to do if you weren’t judged for doing it? Tbh cosplay sounds so fun. What’s a movie you think everyone should watch? Why that one? Johnny Got His Gun. It shows just how fucking disgusting war is. What was the most unexpected good thing that’s ever happened to you? Senpai Noticed Me. What is the funniest fact you know? Idk. Oh, I might be mistaken, but I think the guy who invented the segway died via driving off a cliff on a segway. Big 'ole oof. What’s the kindest way a stranger has treated you? I remember as a little kid, the people in front of us in line at McDonald's paid for our meal. What is the biggest design flaw of your body? I have this random, deep dimple on my right ass cheek like what the fuck. What is the strangest thing you have ever felt? OKAY SO when I was in the process of having my ears cleaned back when I had that wax adhered to my eardrums, one step was having warm water like pounded into my ears, and it somewhat tickled but also felt oddly good, and it was just really weird. What makes someone immediately unlikable? Acting like they're above everyone else. Who’s a villain you sympathize with and why? Darkiplier hunny my poor husband. I won't answer "why" because yeah spoilers. What is something you regret to NOT have done? Fuck it, I wish I'd had *complete* sex w/ Jason. I was in love with him, and I'll probably never experience genuine sex again so like- What’s the weirdest thing you put in a microwave? Idk? What movie changed your life for the better? I'm not sure. Oh, wait, I remember when I was still Christian, God's Not Dead really touched me, but we know how I am religiously now. What’s something your relatives don’t know about you? Many probably don't know I'm bi. What’s something your parents did, which you have sworn never to do? Have children before marriage. Back when I wanted kids. What’s the most annoying thing your pet does? My cat is obsessed with trying to lie on me as he'd done as a kitten, but then I can't see over him to see the laptop. Teddy scratches a lot and won't listen to "stop" for anything. What’s the biggest sum of money you’ve won? Uhhhh. I have no clue. Have I ever? Idk. Have you ever smoked weed on April 20? No. Tell me about the last event that made you really, truly happy? Oh boy. Can you name three good things about your most recent ex? He's funny as fuck, super intelligent, and hard-working. Have you ever thought about how the world will end? Yeah. What object do you own that has the most sentimental value to you? The pebble I got from my partial hospitalization program. What’s the best memory you have of your father? Him teaching me to ride a bike. What was on the last sandwich you ate? Ham, cheese, and mustard. Do you prefer gold or silver jewelry? Silver matches more things, but I'm allergic to it. I find gold in general prettier, too. Have you ever gotten back together with an ex? No. What is your favorite Thai dish? Never tried Thai food. When was the last time you made out with somebody? February. Are there any candles in your bedroom, and what scent are they? No. When was the last time you went to a birthday party? Last month for my niece. What pet names do you use with your significant other? A whole lot. What brand is your toaster, if you have one? We don't have a toaster, but a toaster oven. I don't have the slightest clue what brand it is; it's ancient. Have you ever dated a smoker? If not, would you? No and nope. What’s the name of the store you usually get your groceries? Wal-Mart or Harris Teeter. Would you rather travel to Japan or Scotland? Oh man, I don't know! I guess Scotland. Does your house have a porch/balcony? We have a decently-sized back porch. There's a front one as well, but it's tiny. What was the last movie you saw and who did you watch it with? I watched The Shining by myself. What’s your favorite type of bread? Pumpernickel. Do you share a middle name with any of your siblings? Yes. Can you cry on command? If so, have you ever used it to your advantage? No. What time does the sun go down where you live at this time of the year? Like, 8:30-ish. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? If I literally had to get them done for whatever reason, I guess I'd pay. Me doing them myself would be a nightmare, especially with tremors. Did you ever fail your learners/drivers test? I haven't taken it yet. Do you have any stickers on your car? I don't have my own car. Blackberry, Droid, or iPhone? iPhones. Do you like diet soda? NO. I don't just not like the taste, but the artificial sweetener gives me crazy headaches. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? No. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket? No. How old were you the first time you drank alcohol? I don't remember. WAIT shit dude, I was young. I grew up going to a Catholic church, and during that "eating the blood and body of Christ" thing (I forgot what it's called), we sipped real wine. Yes, even the kids. That shit was NOT grape juice. Name someone you’ve become a lot closer to recently: No one. What was the last fight you had with your parents about? Dad, I've got no clue. Mom, about her constantly shit-talking my dad and I no longer wanted to hear any of it in my presence. Does your car have a sunroof? N/A Did you ever have braces? Yes. Are you from the South? Yes. What does your last status on Facebook say? It was something about the bullshit Alabama abortion law, I believe. I barely ever ever make my own statuses. Do you tip your server when you go to a restaurant? I never can because yeah, no money, so I can't even pay for the meal. If I could, of course I would. Have you ever snuck out of your house? No. Are you friends with people on Facebook that you actually hate? No? Name your favorite Ke$ha song: I guess "Take It Off." What’s your favorite place? Ah man, the tattoo/piercing parlor I go to. What was the last comic book you read? It was one of the Silent Hill ones on the app years ago. What’s the worst trouble you’ve ever gotten into? Probably when I ran away from home in like middle school. Do you know anyone your age who has a child? A good number, but I mean I'm 23 so that's not exactly strange. Ever had a friend online for a long time without seeing a photo of them? A few. The last time you threw up, what caused it? Medicine that was known for nausea. Did you have any foreign exchange students at your high school? I don't think so? Any foods from other countries you would like to try but haven’t yet? Not off the top of my head. Do you think the world would be more peaceful without any religion? Maybe. Probably. Idk. Have you kept the same icon here for a long time? Yeah. I don't really take pictures of myself, so. Why did you choose your icon, anyway? It's the most accurate representation of how I look on the daily. And it's not horrendous. Does it hurt your feelings when people talk shit about things you love? Sometimes. It doesn't hurt my feelings, but rather it makes me deathly embarrassed because I feel stupid for liking it and like they're making fun of a part of me. Can you be friends with people with opposing political views? Yes. Are there any fandoms you used to be in, but left? I don't think I exactly "left" them, just lost big interest, like Rhett & Link/GMM. I still love the guys, but I don't watch them anymore. Warriors is another example. Do you prefer ruffly or regular potato chips? Ruffled. Do you write down your own recipes, or just commit them to memory? I don't cook. Can you do any impressions? No. What color do you want to dye your hair? Currently I want to dye it lilac, but I can't afford a professional to do that. What is a food you enjoy, but don’t have very often? Shrimp. Favorite fictional world? Wonderland. Do you carry pepper spray? No, but I want to. Have you ever had to use it? N/A Have you ever been kicked out of a public place? Why? No. Do you donate to any associations that care for animals? I don't have my own money. Have you ever worn those Drunk Goggles? Yes, in D.A.R.E. Can you agree to disagree, or usually get upset over conflicting views? It depends on the topic, but it's generally very easy for me to agree to disagree. Rodeos – entertaining, or cruel? Animal abuse. Who is the best female rocker? Why? Ohhhh good question. I like Lita Ford, for one; great singer and she fucking slays the guitar. She seems cool, too. Do you care what kind of toilet paper you use? Not really, no. Do you still have any decent arcades nearby? No. Bullfighters who get gored kind of had it coming, right? Yes. They fucking deserve it. Have you ever accidentally found porn when looking for something else? Thank God no. What do you like on your burger? Cheese, ketchup, mustard, a little bit of mayo is fine but not mandatory, pickles, and very little onion is okay. What do you NOT like on your burger? Lettuce and tomato. Do you like 'loose meat’ sandwiches? Like sloppy joes? Yeah. Have you ever seen an unwrapped mummy in person? No, but that'd be pretty fucking cool. What things have people shamed you for? Besides the obvious disagreements like political subjects, I don't know. Do you always reply to private messages? (On any website) Yes, unless it's spam or advertisement. Are there any 'adult stores’ in your area? I wouldn't know. Have you been inside of them/shopped there before? No. Who was your favorite actress to play Morticia Addams? Anjelica Huston. What is the next film you want to rewatch? Idk. I don't really watch TV or movies to begin with. What is the next film you want to see for the first time? I've been wanting to see Jacob's Ladder for a very long time, but I have to find a time I actually *really* feel like it to possibly enjoy it. A movie you love even though it’s cheesy? I'm sure there's something, but idk. Share any song lyrics you misheard? When I heard "Purple Haze" by Jimi Hendrix for the first time, I swore the lyrics were "excuse me while I kiss this guy" instead of "kiss the sky." What was the last song you heard for the first time and enjoyed? I both enjoy "Bad Girl" by Avril Lavigne and see it cringy as fuck at the same time. Who are some of your favorite female fictional characters, and why? Heather Mason from Silent Hill 3 is up high 'cuz she's a badass, CYNDER FROM THE LEGEND OF SPYRO SERIES BECAUSE SHE'S COOL AS ALL HECKIN' HECK AND ALSO #AESTHETIC, and I've fallen more and more in love with Tyrande Whisperwind from World of Warcraft now that she's become vengeance-crazed and more interesting than she already was. Oh, and then there's Bayonetta. Why? You know why. A character (in anything) you wish hadn’t been killed off? In recent news, BRING BACK STAN THE MOTHERFUCKING WATER MAN, MARK. Have you ever had to hit up several stores in search of one item? What was it? I'm sure I have at some point. Do you have any calluses on your feet? From when I used to walk outside for hours, you have no idea- What was your last big purchase? A plane ticket. Have you ever eaten grits? I HATE THEM SO MUCH. Do you always dress right after a shower, or do you like to chill in your towel/robe for a while? I put clothes on right away. Have you ever looked up your state’s laws and read them? I don't think so. Have you ever had to talk to a lawyer? I feel like I did have to once for something...? Have you ever been in pain so bad you passed out? No. I sincerely don't know how I didn't when I had to get that cyst drained, though. I have no words for that pain. Can you have kids? Well, physically, yeah. Doesn't mean I ever will or even want to. If you could get rid of one of your allergies, which one would it be? POLLEN. Do you have any cousins that look like you? No. Who do you know who is dating someone that looks way too old for them? Idk. Have you ever gone on a Facebook deleting spree? Yeah. What's a good example of "don’t knock it till you try it"? Waffles with peanut butter spread over them with syrup. What is surprisingly painful? Hm. "Surprisingly." OH, something I say as well as many others: Getting your nose pierced is more painful than you'd think compared to other piercings. Which person shaped you the most? Probably Jason. Or Mom. Have you ever been 4-wheeling? Yes. Do you live anywhere near the woods? There's a wooded area beyond the field. Do you have any important anniversaries you celebrate? Mine and Sara's. Can you rap? I don't even have to try to say no. Do you know how to use a DSLR camera? Yes. Tell me about the sickest you’ve ever felt. Oh man... I remember in elementary school, 3rd grade I think, I had the weirdest 3-day "sickness" where I felt every single moment like I was right on the very verge of vomiting. I went to the ER on the third night, but they couldn't detect what was wrong. Next day, I woke up miraculously fine. Those days were horrifying for someone who is terrified of vomiting. Any important birthdays coming up? My nephew's isn't far off. If you could play one instrument flawlessly, what would it be? Electric guitar. Have you ever heard of Hollywood Undead? Do you like them? I love some songs, like others, don't enjoy or care about a handful, and then truly haven't heard most. Have your friends ever told you something really personal? Was it weird? Well yeah, close friends do that often. It's not weird. Has anyone ever called you a coward before? Who called you that? No. Have you ever written a whole song before? What was the title to it? No. Are you a Jeffree Star fan? Or no? Do you think he’s awesome/dumb? I loooove that funky alien man. I find his work ethic incredibly inspiring and he seems so super accepting and is just very radiant and positive. Has your grandmother ever made you anything? Not including cookies. I don't think so.

#survey #quiz #questions #bored #random

[othercat2]

Fic: Build a Life From Scratch 6/?

Exercises in Attempting to Keep Two Idiots from Killing Each Other  

Highblood wants no part of your ashen wiles. “Could break you in half, with a snap of my fingers,” he says when you bring it up during arts and crafts hour. He’s knapping flint and you’re sanding the wood pieces of the macuahuitl that Demoness had shaped.

“I’m not exactly thrilled either, but apparently someone needs to cock block the pitch thing,” you say.

“You know fuck all about pitch,” Highblood says looking up at you from his work. His eyes are weird, bright and sharp, looking right into you and seeing who the fuck knows what. He goes back to shaping his current flint. “It’s not pitch I’m feeling for a blaspheming dirt blood heretic and it’s not ashen I’m feeling for a pasty little legume like you.”

“Well, why don’t you school me?” you ask. Yeah, you’re not going to address the little bean comment. Highblood is fucking huge; you’re shy of six feet. Not getting into a pissing contest about you’re comparative heights.

“Demoness set you on me ashen, and you don’t even know pitch?” Highblood asks.

“Blah blah rivalry, blah blah hate sex,” you say, making mouth movements with one hand. “Catskin does apparently hate you like that and doesn’t want to. You apparently don’t hate her like that.” You point a thumb at your chest. “Therefore me, from my understanding of the ashen thing.”

“Like fuck you,” Highblood says. “How do you know she’s pitch for me?”

“I talked to her, remember? It didn’t translate well, but I’m pretty sure that’s what she was saying. You being the first troll she saw after however long fucked her up.”

Highblood doesn’t say anything for a while. He finishes off the point and sets it aside with the others. “It’s a powerful thing, being alone and lost for a time, and then seeing another face,” he says. “I thought my ticket had been torn when I awoke in the wilderness, and was mad with the grief and rage of it. I saw the Demoness and blamed her for it, and we spent a season fighting over it. She can bowl me over like I’m a wiggler, and her mind knows no mortal fear. You are not equal to that in the ashen quadrant.”

“Fuck you, I chopped a huge as fuck goddamn meteor in half,” you say. “While it was falling. I could take you.”

Highblood snorts, and glances up at you with a lazy sort of amusement. You feel the sweep of his personal terror field and struggle not to shiver at the weight of it.  “How big was that meteor?”

You give a one shoulder shrug. “Bigger than your ugly ass,” you say, trying for a casual tone.

The fear is a sharp anxiety, a hyper focus on how dangerous the huge ass troll is on the other end of the table. Sharp teeth, gleaming eyes, a goddamn monster that can pull you apart, break you like a doll. He was so much bigger than you, so much stronger than you, he could do whatever he wanted, and you wouldn’t be able to stop him. He could reduce you to pulp; make you beg for death for days before actually killing you.

The hobbit hole seems to fade out; all that exists are Highblood’s burning eyes, and the awareness of how terrified you are of him. The fear soaks right in, fills you up and spills over. It freezes you in place, and you can’t breathe. You stare at Highblood--

--At Kurloz Makara who teetered between faith and the loss of that faith. Who had despaired and was only just now starting to live. Who had received the terrible knowledge of his false faith with a Rage that had not yet risen from the depths of his subconscious mind. Who was held by his devotion for his brothers in faith, by his devotion for the very few he pitied. Who--

--You throw a handful of sand into his eyes and abscond like the Devil was on your tail, in a flat out run straight for the goddamn woods. You hear a roar and swearing behind you. You don’t look back because that would take away valuable absconding seconds. You run and dodge between trees, stumble through a tiny little stream, and almost fall into a not so tiny ravine.

It takes some time to realize he’s not coming after you. You collapse on an incline full of flowers, greenery, grass and saplings, hoping like hell the greenery you’re lying on doesn’t turn out to be poison ivy or some shit. You’re surrounded by trees, and it’s pretty quiet, probably because of the racket you made absconding.

You breathe and watch the flowers and grass move in the breeze. There’s bugs too; butterflies and grasshoppers and the occasional bee. There’s a lot to watch; little glowing sparks of life that are not actually glowing, it just seems like they are. It would be easy to reach out and touch a spark and know it the way you’d known Highblood.

This feels like a weird thought to have; weird and way too intense to handle, suddenly, now that you’re not running. It’s too bright, too much. You curl up and think about how long the deeply rooted grass has been coming up, year after year. It dies off but keeps coming back, determined as the year before despite being cropped down, drowned, and frozen. Seeds germinated and sprouted, and what was deeply rooted grew back. This is as much as can be handled right now; grass and flowers and other greenery. The glow was there, you could still sense what was going on with it, but there wasn’t a lot going on; just the same cycle, over and over again. It was nice, comforting.

Footsteps are less comforting. You look up, and it’s too much again. Catskin, her grief and love fills her. The memories of her loved ones surround her. There’s a deepness to her, a strength and faith and continues on despite grief and defeat. There’s anger, a determination to survive and pass her faith and determination on to others. “Close your eyes,” she says.

For whatever reason, you do that thing.

“What were you focused on, before?” she asks. She sounds like she knows what the fuck is going on, and the part of you that went along the first order shudders in relief. The rest of you tries to find a way to tell her to fuck off, you’re fine.

“The grass.” Saying it feels like a struggle.  

“Yeah, that’s always good. Do that now. Just the grass.” Her voice is quiet. “Tell me about the grass.”

So you tell her how there was a forest fire a few decades back, during a dry summer followed by a bunch of lightning storms. What came back was a few struggling weeds, followed by the grass. You talk about the grass, its roots and seeds and the way it spreads. You talk about seasons and changes in the weather and changes in the soil. You talk about saplings and moles and earthworms tunneling through the dirt. The glow doesn’t fade, but it gets easier to deal with, somehow.  

You look up, and it’s not so bright anymore. Catskin is sitting a few feet away, watching you. “Hey.” Just catching some rays, absolutely no freaking out here. Catskin [Disciple, Meulin Leijon] is still this intense, layered presence, but it’s toned down.

“How do you feel?” she asks.  

“Like my head’s been turned inside out,” you tell her. You sit up, moving slow and cautious.

Catskin makes this humming sound. “I think that maybe, you’re like me,” she says.

“And what are you like, Sheena?” you ask.

“I can see things being alive,” she says. “Makes tracking prey so much easier.” She smiles with all of her teeth at that. They are all very, very sharp, and her jaw looks really strong. You know without knowing how, and not wanting to know at all that she’s ripped out throats with her jaws and teeth.

“I was probably not hard to track at all, princess,” you say. “Probably left a trail a blind Girl Scout could follow.”

Catskin laughs at you. “I wasn’t threatening you by implication,” she says. “Did it sound like that?” You stare at her, and hums, sounding pleased with herself. “Not on purrpose,” she says. “I saw--flares? From the hive, one almost matched my color, and one was the same color as the highblood, and you came rushing out of the hive, so I followed you.”

“Your color?”

Catskin cups her palms together briefly, and for a moment you see a bright pink flame in her hands. “That color!” she says. She tilts her head a bit. “You’re still pretty meowch that color.”

You look down at yourself instinctively, but you don’t seem to be bright fuchsia. Then you hear what she said. “Did you just…cat pun at me?”

She gives you a big Cheshire Cat grin. “Yes?”

You shake your head like, okay, whatever. “Flares?” you ask.

“It felt like something happened,” she says. “I wasn’t sure what, but it felt like what it must have felt from the outside when it first happened to me.”

You work your way through that. “And what, you wanted to help?”

 She shrugs. “I’m not, not going to help because I’m angry. It was frightening and confusing for me when it started happening to me, and if I can help, I should.”

“Even though I’m roomies with Satan and his girlfriend?” you ask, a little skeptically. Okay, she had helped, but she had also been lurking out in the woods, greatly limiting your ability to get your roam on.

“Should I judge you for doing what felt safest?” she asks.

You don’t like the way she says that. You really, really don’t like the way she says that. She says it like you didn’t have a choice or something. (Like she thinks you’re some kind of victim.) It also occurs to you that if you’re seeing her, she’s seeing you; and you like that even less. (What the hell is she seeing?) “Okay so, my options were camping, which I’ve never done because I’m a city boy, and maybe dying from bad water or berries that turned out to be bird edible but not person edible or taking up Demoness on her invitation. Is there something wrong with that?”

“Of course not,” she says. “But I notice that you ran in terror from one of your ‘roommates.’”

“He didn’t take my offer of being his ‘middle leaf’ too well,” you say. “Then I could see his soul, so I threw sand in his face and ran like hell.”

“Middle leaf?” Catskin asks with extreme puzzlement.

“Is ashen not actually a thing?” you ask. If so it was one hell of a practical joke.

“Oh, it’s a thing, but it’s obvious you and he couldn’t be ashen for each other!” Catskin says, sounding pretty surprised at the idea. “Not the way you spar.”

“…There’s a way people who are ashen spar?” you ask.

“If you’re the middle leaf, he should be intimidated by you, just a little!” Catskin says. “At the same time, he should be challenging your authority as the middle leaf, just enough that he can be reassured your feelings remain conciliatory. Of course it’s harder to tell with Highbloods, but still! He isn’t the tiniest bit ashen, from his body language.”

“Yeah well, there’s no one else to do it,” you tell her. “Demoness doesn’t want to ‘flip ashen.’”

“And the Grand Highblood doesn’t find a dirtblood worthy,” Catskin says with an ugly sneer and an undertone that sends a shiver down your spine.

“You don’t exactly find him worthy either,” you point out.

The undertone becomes a growl. “No. I have no respect for him.”

“But he’s apparently a sexy beast,” you say. “I can kind of see it actually. You’d have to have one hell of a humiliation and size kink though.”

“Wouldn’t be properly pitch, that needs respect even if you’re mocking your kismesis. Wouldn’t be properly red, he’d mean it, so it wouldn’t be pity,” Catskin says. “How could he be pale?”

“I don’t know anything about quadrants,” you say. “Demoness wants to fix him, which according to her, is what ‘moirallegiance’ is about. He seems like that she isn’t scared of him and apparently likes being dominated by her.”

Catskin snickers. “You have no idea what a perversion that should be, in his mind,” she says.

“From what I’ve overheard it apparently doesn’t count if the ‘dirtblood’ is actually a terrifying demigoddess who can hold you down and snuggle you to death.”

“They’ve piled in front of you?” Catskin asks with a little bubble of laughter.

“Not as such,” you tell her. “I’m guessing that’s pretty scandalous?”        

“Oh yes,” Catskin says. “Mother would blush so hard when we cuddled together, and tell us that the visiting block wasn’t the proper place for such shenanigans. Then Psii would drag her into the pile and she’d pretend to be grumpy about it for the first fifteen minutes before she started purring, and braiding my hair.” She’s smiling, but it’s kind of sad at the same time, you’re pretty sure.

“So, you know they’re probably alive now, right?” you ask her. This is a question you don’t know how to ask politely. You sure as hell can’t do gentle.

“Are they?” she asks, longing in a way that makes you feel pretty damn uncomfortable. “I’ve only found…him.” She makes a face. “And I suppose the Handmaiden of Death.”

“Demoness,” Demoness’ voice says from above you. You startle a bit, and look up. You just as quickly look away. She went even deeper than [Meulin] or [Kurloz] and there were things you didn’t want to see. “I am Demoness,” she repeats, angrily. “Not Handmaid. Never Handmaid again.”      

“The ‘H’ word has kind of worn out,” you explain to Catskin, who looks somewhere between startled and angry.

“I am not afraid of you, Demoness.” Catskin growls and jumps to her feet. “If my family is alive, where are they?”

“I don’t know,” Demoness says. “The world is big, we’ll find them eventually.”

“We?” Catskin asks. “There is no ‘we’ here.”

“There was a ‘we’,” Demoness says. “You don’t remember. It wasn’t a good ‘we’, and we fucked everything up and did it over again, and that was worse. Kankri remembers some of it.”

“How do you know that name?” Catskin asks, outraged.

Demoness smiles and it’s a pretty terrifying expression. “I saw all of it, every twist and manipulation of the Demon’s fucked up game, and I had to fucking follow every step. And now we live again and are free of the game, though there is one more thing we must do before this universe is complete.”

Catskin looks confused and wondering, staring up at Demoness. You’re pretty sure she’s seeing some of the same things you saw. Catskin flickers fuchsia all over, a heartbeat pulse. “Oh,” she says quietly.

“Don’t want your pity,” Demoness says, baring her teeth at Catskin.

“It continues to exist,” Catskin says. “I am still angry at what you’ve done. But I will also be angry at what was done to you.

“Fuck. You.”

“Pity is nothing to fear, it’s part of the social structure that binds us into communities and civilization. It does this far more kindly than the caste system which divides us and causes resentment and conflict. You saw it and you had to destroy it. Did you see the possibilities of a society based in love of all kinds? Were you envious of what was beaten out of you?” From the dreamy look in Catskin’s eyes, you are pretty sure she doesn’t really know what she’s saying. She also obviously can’t hear Demoness’ rising growl or the whining pitch of the wands you know are in the Demoness’ hands.

You bounce to your feet and get in Catskin’s grill. “Hey, Meulin, could you fucking not?!” You shout. She startles back from you, striking out mostly blind. You catch her arm. “Can you not see you’re pissing her off?”  

Catskin blinks at you in confusion. “I--?”

“Yes you,” you say. You are hyper aware you are too close to someone Demoness is very, very pissed at. You are also pretty sure she won’t shoot Catskin if you’re this close to her. “Demoness?” You get a growl in response. “Okay so Catskin has some kind of dealie where she can apparently see into your soul--”

“Heart. Meulin was Mage of Heart,” Demoness says. “I was Witch of Time.”

“That’s great, really great,” you say. “Anyway, she wasn’t trying to piss you off; she just saw too much and started babbling.”

“Babbling?” Catskin asks, sounding insulted. You don’t care.  

“So maybe don’t kill her,” you continue. “It wasn’t her fault, and really, you wanted to get everyone together so the gods can come through or whatever and you might need her later.”

“So she is planning something,” Catskin says.

“Gods. Coming through. One of them is my little brother,” you tell her. “Kind of important he and his friends come through and claim the prize.”

“I don’t understand anything,” Catskin says. “Let me go.”

You let her go, and you hear Demoness land behind you.

“There is a Game,” Demoness says. “A Game that creates universes. Our Game was interfered with by a Demon that infiltrates and destroys them.” She starts explaining the Game and the five or so universe pile up your conjoined sessions consist of.  

You stay between them for the whole story, until you’re pretty sure they’ve both calmed down. Catskin is skeptical of “gods” especially gods that were actually little kids when they entered the session. She asks questions and argues a little, but politely. Demoness argues less politely. You’re kind of stuck in the middle wondering how the hell this happened.

At the end of it, when they’ve gotten their argue out, Demoness asks you, “Are you coming back to the hive?”

“That depends, is your boyfriend going to tear me in half?”

Demoness snorts. “No. Worried he pushed too hard, the way you ran off.

“Eleven foot troll, a number of kinks too weird even for me, no concept of personal space or safewords, kind of homicidal, I wonder why I ran off when he tried to scare the shit out of me?” A beat. “Oh sweet Jesus, why do I know his fucking kinks?”

Catskin makes a kind of choking noise at that. Demoness cackles. 

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#homestuck #build a life #fan fic #bro strider #godstuck