Content/trigger warning (sorry, I don't know which one is appropriate?): adolescent s*icidal ideation
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I've never been a religious person. I wasn't raised in the church, and never had interest in seeking it out myself. (The older I get, the most thankful I am for that, but that's another story.) The closest thing to a religious experience I've had is at concerts; and I feel like I've been racking up those experiences this summer.
One month ago today was the first day of Lollapalooza. This was my second time going, the first was in 2019 and it was pure magic, so I was beyond ready to return after over a year of live music deprivation. One month ago today was one of the best days of my life. While I was minding my own business, truly enjoying myself, something weird happened in my brain. Jimmy Eat World was playing "The Middle", when I had a sudden, intrusive thought from my 12 year old self - "remember how bad you wanted to k*ll yourself?" - and it flashed through my mind; little me, 12 years old, hearing that song for the first time and feeling it strike a chord in me. By this point, I had already been dealing with s*icidal ideation and s*icidal thoughts for the better part of 2 years. These were daily thoughts that consumed my middle school years, kept a strong grip on me through high school, and still sometimes visit me as an adult.
I'm not going to pretend that hearing "The Middle" for the first time talked me out of attempting s*icide, but it got me thinking, and felt almost like something to keep in my back pocket for the really bad days.
As quickly as my sixth grade self hijacked my consciousness, my current self internally snapped back "can you fucking believe we pulled this off?!" and my mind shifted to all the previous versions of myself still alive and well in my head, and how I actually feel like I'm doing right by them.
As I wandered over to the closest stage for the next set (All Time Low - another throwback!), I couldn't help but think about how growing up, I never thought I would see age 30. I didn't want to. It seemed so far away; surely I'd succumb to the darkness and k*ll myself long before hitting 30.
And yet, here I stood, at age 31, in Chicago, at a festival that has begun to feel like a holy place for me (despite the fact that I'm getting "too old" for such things), feeling real joy and freedom and seeing so many artists and bands that I never thought I'd get to see. This changed my perspective for the whole weekend, just reminding myself how lucky I was to be there, and how rare an experience it was. I danced and sang and jumped and screamed and cried my way through the rest of the day, and the three days that followed, letting myself enjoy every moment as it unfolded.
The adventure ended with the Foo Fighters playing an incredible two-hour set. A band I have liked (even if only passively) since I was a small child. They ended their set with "Everlong", and something about ending that long weekend with Foo Fighters - and that song in particular - felt right. As Dave Grohl sang "...if anything could ever feel this good again" I thought: no, Dave, nothing will EVER be this good again. It was perfect.
Fast forward to this previous Monday night, when I finally got to attend a show on the Hella Mega Tour. A show I bought tickets to in the pre-sale, almost two years ago, pre-Covid. I was so excited, and all the bands delivered. Much like with Foo Fighters, I have liked Weezer, Fall Out Boy, and Green Day for as I can remember (and I remember Green Day songs from my elementary school years). The evening ended with Green Day playing "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)", which also felt right. Billie Joe Armstrong singing "I hope you had the time of your life" carried the same energy as I felt during "Everlong" a few weeks earlier. I thought to myself: thanks, I DID have the time of my life.
For the past few years my fear of missing out has manifested in live music, and I'm so glad it did. Even before this, I had seen some incredible shows in the years leading up.
If someone told little me that in my late 20's-early 30's I'd get to see Jimmy Eat World, Foo Fighters, Weezer, Fall Out Boy, Green Day, blink-182, Sum 41, Paramore, The Distillers, and a whole bunch of other acts I didn't even know I loved back then (and attend these things with my husband and sister and/or dear friend?!) ...she would call them a liar. I'm so grateful she held on back then. It was worth it. I may not be living the dreams that little brat had, but this will do. She'd be proud.
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yellin’ at songs: june, week four
capsule reviews of the pop songs which debuted on the billboard hot 100 on 24 june 2017 and 23 june 2007
23 June 2007
28) "Nobody's Perfect," Hannah Montana
Ah, yes. This. This was a thing which occurred in 2007, and this is a thing I am certainly excited to reevaluate, given the general worth it has contributed to society in the intervening decade. This won't be the thinkpiece, of course, given that we have three Hannah Montana songs, two Miley Cyrus songs, and one Billy Ray Cyrus song to think about. ("Shake It," a Cyrus-affiliated production, does not debut this year.) So, this song. I am a 27-year-old piping a hot track from a Disney Channel show or original movie into his ears. It is clear I shouldn't be here, and for so many reasons. I did not need to hear that, even if I make mistakes, I will survive and be OK. I am an unexceptional white dude. I KNOW the world will always make a comfortable home for me. This gets a B-. I don't give grades, but this is getting a B-, because right now, I feel like a teacher reading the seventy-eighth essay on Langston Hughes they've ever read and just going, "Yep, you wrote the requisite five paragraphs, I don't care how many grammars you badded, you did something, and I'd rather just not read this anymore."
88) "Shut up and Drive," Rihanna
The only thing more important than dropping that first mega-hit is nailing the follow-up. You know you're probably not gonna go back to back (foreshadowing), but you still need a song solid enough that you won't fade from the public consciousness once the public decides they have overplayed your song. This song does its job admirably. It isn't anything world-shattering, but it's good rowdy fun, it's different enough from "Umbrella" what with its tinge of rock influence while still being uniquely Rihanna, and it has that big dumb hook that has anchored Dreamworks movies for a decade. This is not the best song in the world, but it's pretty heckin' sweet.
94) "These Are My People," Rodney Atkins
A stirring tribute to mediocrity, this song has maybe my least-favorite lyric in recent memory: "It ain't always pretty/But it's real." Two people wrote this song, neither of whom are Rodney Atkins. Like, come on. Like, this is a song about a boring-ass upbringing awash in all the country stereotypes, yet here we have Rodney Atkins, someone with an interesting upbringing who at one point was himself a songwriter, setting anything that could be unique about this song so that he can, what, make money off drunkards at the BPOE requesting this song on the radio? ...That is a jauntry fiddle this song has, though, I'll give it that. I just don't understand why these country dudes never tried harder. I mean, not trying has proven to be an incredibly lucrative path, but are all these country dudes so morally bankrupt they would forsake artistic pursuit for the mighty dollar?
95) "A Bay Bay," Hurricane Chris
Like, this is also dumb? But at least I can rest secure knowing Hurricane Chris wrote every single generic word in this song, and I know that Hurricane Chris truly believed in his vision of a world where white folks and gangstas could set aside their differences for one song so they could holler "A Bay Bay" in the club. And as much as I loved that sweet happy fiddle on "These Are My People," I would listen to this beat a thousand times before I listened to what is by country standards hella weak fiddling ever again. It's a dumb song, but at least I can believe in the message it's sending, even if I'm not 100% sure the message it's sending actually means anything. My memory's foggy, I'm pretty sure "A Bay Bay" meant "hell yeah?" It doesn't matter, we left this song in 2007 for a reason. Return home, young friend.
97) "Paralyzer," finger eleven
This song is pretty sweet. It owes a tremendous debt to Franz Ferdinand, but the world owes a tremendous debt to Franz Ferdinand for its ever existing, so it's hard to hold that fact against this song. Like, if you're gonna bite, bite from the greats, and if we're being honest, the buttrock twist on the great mid-aughts post/punk revival is kind of great? It gives this song an actual edge that "Take Me Out" never had, "Take Me Out" feeling like four fancy gentlemen taking you on a tour through whimsy and wonder. That song still sounds great being dragged through mud and pounded with ten thousand fists, and it even emerges with something like an actual attitude? It's an attitude of someone who doesn't go to nightclubs actually going to a nightclub and finding themselves overstimulated, sure, but it fits that attitude.
100) "I Wonder," Kellie Pickler
There are some cold, cold lines in this song. "I hear the weather's nice in California" is brutal, but "I look in the mirror and all I see/Are your brown eyes looking back at me/They're the only thing you ever gave to me/At all" is devastating. I also love that there's a country song about a mother having abandoned her child; mommy issues are relatively unexplored in popular culture, but ESPECIALLY mommy issues had by women. This is one of the more lyrically unique songs I've heard, and I really want to forgive this song for trying to be a bleh over-produced basic country diva ballad. It's like a Tootsie Pop; I know there's chocolate in the center, but I'm not gonna eat a goddamn sucker for ten minutes just to hit that one piece of chocolate. I procrastinated and am writing all thirteen or whatever of these reviews in one sitting aND THESE ARE THE SIMILIES Y'ALL SHITS IS GETTIN
i’m not copypasting the top 20s because neither of them changed, y’all know what songs i like, and if not, hit up the yellin at songs tag to see past editions (note to self: make a tag for these posts, why are you writing a recurring series and not tagging the posts)
24 June 2017
42) "Down," by Fifth Harmony ft./Gucci Mane
"It's like Bonnie & Clyde just walked in/A gangsta and his bride just walked in." ...Okay, well, I didn't think "But it's real" would be topped QUITE this quickly, but I mean, how is Bonnie... not... a gangsta? Like she didn't rob AS many banks as Clyde, but just because she was late to the party, doesn't mean she wasn't a gangsta, she still robbed hella banks. Also, "We on the same team and we ballin'/Got me showin' off my ring like I'm Jordan." Michael Jordan had six rings. Like I know your prison time didn't coincide with Michael Jordan's amazing run of six NBA titles in eight years dude, come on, get it together. Anyway, this song, it's OK. It bleeped and blooped pleasantly, and everyone in Fifth Harmony is at least OK at singing. It was a song I listened to and have on the longlist for year-end Top 50 Or So.
53) "To the Max," by DJ Khaled ft./Drake
this is a song most aptly described as another one. it's another song where dj khaled memes at the top. it's another song where drake sings poorly about some bullshit. it's another drum track i'd rather hear performed by a drummer. it's another one. dj khaled also memes at the end. i apologize for starting this review before the song ended but, as dj khaled just intoned, it's another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, another one, anot73) "4 AM," by 2 Chainz ft./Travis ScottThis was also okay, but right now, I'm like nine songs deep, and the best two have been the seventeenth-best Rihanna song (unscientific ranking, don't @ me) and a rip-off of a much better song, and I just, Travis Scott's fine. I like his particular brand of trap music. I like how the song goes out-of-tune here and there, it's a really interesting touch, it makes the song feel like you're awake at 4 AM and jumping every time something flickers in the window because you don't know what's supposed to move at 4 AM. At least I don't need to listen to the next one, he says, realizing this means the true next one is goddamn bro country with the words "small town" literally in the fucking title.
82) "Whatever You Need," by Meek Mill ft./Chris Brown & Ty Dolla $ign
I think it's admirable that Meek Mill has come back from being owned by Drake. It must be really brutal being the only rapper Drake could possibly ever own. I'm sure he has made delightful pop/rap garbage, and I'm not going to listen it 'cuz, hey, look who's there!, but I'm glad he's here, and I hope to listen to one of his songs eventually.
85) "Small Town Boy," by Dustin Lynch
The worst three seconds of my life were the three seconds after I forgot what this song was called and thought Dustin Lynch had another song called "Smal Town Girl." I was going to throw my computer out the window. It's... It's a less dramatic gesture than it sounds, I live in a garden-level apartment, there's a chance Bertha 2.0 would survive. Let's listen to the song! "I'm a dirt road in the headlights/I'm a mama's boy/I'm a fist fight/Kinda county line/Kinda cold beer/Little hat down/Little John Deere." There are 27 words in this verse and 15 of them are used to create cliches, and that's just, that's just efficiency. You're busy. This song understands that you don't have time to sift through a dictionary to read those words you love, so it gives them straight to you, no fancy city metaphors or adverbs, just prepositions and dirt roads. It's a bad song.
87) "Know No Better," by Major Lazer ft./Travis Scott, Camila Cabello & Quavo
Look, what happend to "Run Up" is one of the greatest injustices of the 21st centuries, but I am relieved that this is the song seeking to right that wrong. Two of 2017's most ubiquitous stars and, for some reason, Travis Scott being gentler and fluffier than he's ever been, making a song that's a nice place to be for a few minutes. I don't love this as much as "Run Up," I love few things in life as much as I loved "Run Up," but it's a neat song! Major Lazer is a rather good popsmith, and I might just be holding on to this song just a bit too tightly because ah geez y'all can see what's coming I'll need these memories to be my light in the dark.
94) "It's Everyday Bro," by Jake Paul ft./Team 10
If this is a joke, it's a bad one, and if this is an actual attempt at music, it is not worth acknowledging much farther than this sentence.
97) "Somebody Else Will," by Justin Moore
...OK, the intro was legit. Like, for the half-minute or so that this was a lightly-funky song, I was down, and then it Borchettad and I remembered that this song always had a ceiling, but yo, whoever wrote this and gave it that smooth-ass intro -- I'm looking at Tebey Ottoh, seeing as he's the only credited songwriter with a Wikipedia page, Tebey Ottoh! I'm picking up what you're putting down, and I'm kinda stoked to hear what you do when you're not working with a big machine. (It's really interesting how there's literally a country music label pumping out shitty song after shitty song called Big Machine, and we're all OK with it. Like, a business called Big Machine that puts out a popular product that actively worsens the minds of its consumer base is like a thing out of a Mystery Science Theatre movie. We don't talk enough about how Big Machine does exactly what you'd think a company called Big Machine would do.)
99) "Nobody Else But You," by Trey Songz
I haven't calculated how many artists from 2007 have had songs chart in 2017, but it can't be too many, right? It's hard to stay relevant for a decade. Even if you're a country dude, like, Rodney Atkins and Craig Morgan are fixtures in 2007, and I would be stunned if I saw those names in the next few months. Fall Out Boy and Foo Fighters released new songs that didn't chart, and Paramore only qualifies because "Hard Times" was big enough to last for a week. Lily Allen didn't last, Fergie's nowhere to be seen, Jordin Sparks made a respectable go but isn't showing up anytime soon. Two of the young women with 2007 hits ended up being contestants on The Voice. Akon might as well be dead. You know who has endured? You know who has survived, while countless others have fallen? Trey Songz. I can't think of a single live performance Trey Songz gave that showed the world how talented he was. I have never heard anyone on the street have a discussion about the latest in Trey Songz news, now can I remember the last thing Trey Songz did that could be considered newsworthy. I couldn't name any Trey Songz songs, and I am literally staring at the YouTube video for the Trey Songz song I just listened to. It is directly within my line of sight. I think it was called "Nobody Needs to Know" or something? How. How has Trey Songz survived this long. Who is listening to Trey Songz. Trey Songz has released seven studio albums. I don't know if I'm going to listen to them all, because there's music I'm more certain I'll like that I can listen to, but I have to figure this out, 'cuz man, I'm stumped.
again, no top twenties, let’s just get to what sort of matters but doesn’t, at all
Who Won?
...No one? I wanna say no one because I’ve been here for three hours and it’s a heat index of 92 in Minneapolis and my air conditioning unit is three rooms away from the room in which I keep Bertha 2.0, and none of these songs were worth calling winners. I guess 2007 had “Shut up and Drive” and “Paralyzer.” Those were solid Bs, plus you had the B- I gave “Nobody’s Perfect.” 2017 had at least three Cs, depending on how charitable I wanna be with the grade for that Justin Moore song with the cool bass line. But -- ah, I don’t wanna reward mediocrity, 2007 had the high points, let’s reward the songs I can honestly say I enjoyed. I guess 2007. I guess we’re gonna tie it up.
2017: 12
2007: 12
Next week, 2007 gives us Jack Johnson, My Chemical Romance, and Piles. Like that’s it. I should’ve waited until next week to procrastinate, three is much less than six!
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