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of-fishnets-and-black-lace · 6 years

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Learning to Walk Again (Ch. 2)

A/N: Hey peoples, places, and things, I am so sorry that this is so very late. I’ve been feeling so down and I’ve been having a lot of family problems. At least I have gotten this out. Once again, I’m so sorry.

REQUESTS ARE OPEN, TAG LIST IS OPEN

Pairing: Kylo Ren x Reader

Word Count: 798

Summary: You’ve been “not-so-secretly” dating Ben Solo since you’ve met at Jedi training. Almost without warning, he turns to the dark side and slaughters everyone you’ve loved. Will you help him “walk” again? (loosely based off the song “Walk” by the Foo Fighters)

Warnings: ANGST, fluff, major themes of mental illnesses and mentions of mental illnesses (i.e. PTSD, dissociation, depression, etc.), betrayal, murder (minor), terrible writing and english, smut in later chapters, cursing? Maybe? Please tell me if I miss anyting

READ CHAPTER ONE HERE

(I DO NOT OWN YOU OR ANY CHARACTER IN THE STAR WARS FRANCHISE)

CHAPTER 2: LEARNING TO COPE

I woke up in a hospital bed, tubes and wires connecting me to strange machines that made me be. I didn’t notice the missing piece in my heart until I fully came to. I felt empty, lost, like I was on the outside looking in. When the doctor noticed I was awake, he debriefed me on my current state. Apparently I’ve been unconscious for a whole week and will need to have a psychiatric evaluation and therapy every couple of days because of the traumatic incidents that had happened, starting today.

What I noticed first throughout the day was my overwhelming sense of guilt, then came the flashbacks that were triggered by sights, sounds, smells, feelings, situations, etc. Being on base with the Resistance, these triggers were fairly common. Death and destruction followed the Resistance like a shadow. It was unavoidable.

The more I witnessed, the more I dissociated myself. It was a never ending cycle. Flashbacks led to dissociation which led to remembering the broken force bond which led to further dissociation. I had no break, no period of relaxation. It’s like I’m sleepwalking, like a puppet watching myself somewhere in the precepts of my mind.

Talking to the psychiatrist gave me some mental relief. According to him, the SSRI he prescribed to me would lessen my symptoms and the depersonalization symptoms will go away with further therapy. The broken force bond, however, he could not help with. I don’t think anyone can. In the meantime, I need to find someone who can pick up where Master Skywalker left off.

Kylo Ren POV

It’s so hard watching and feeling her suffer like that. I wish I could reach out to her and tell her I’m still alive, but Supreme Leader Snoke blocked her side of the force bond. Even if he didn’t I doubt she’d want to see that Ben was killed by Kylo Ren. I doubt she’d still love me if she saw what I had become. That didn’t stop the feeling of wanting her close to me. I need her, but she’ll never find out who I truly am and who’s behind the mask. I don’t care, I just need to feel her presence close to me, and I know exactly how I’m going to do that.

As I walked to the meeting with the Supreme Leader, the ever irritating General Hux joins me by my side. “What do you want, General? If you don’t have anything worth my time, I suggest you leave me alone.” “Careful, Ren… you know I could have your precious pet killed whenever I feel like it. However, I do believe she might be of great value to the First Order if she joins. Hopefully then will you stop sulking around and be productive.” He muttered the last part under his breath but I pretended not to hear. “Yes, I agree. She is strong with the force, stronger than me. She does not know this and she needs the right teacher. I plan to notify him about the proposal during the meeting.” “I was on my way to do that myself.” He trailed off

Our words just now registered in our minds. First of all, we both agreed on something. Secondly, I admitted she was stronger than me when it comes to the force. We stared at each other with utter shock and uncomfortable silence. After what seemed like forever, I finally spoke up: “Don’t you have a meeting to attend to, General?” “Ren, we’re going to the same meeting.” “Oh, right.”

(Time skip presented by shirtless Kylo Ren)

“Supreme Leader, she is strong with the force, stronger than she knows, stronger than I know. I can feel it within her. If she had the right teacher, she would become a valuable asset to the First Order.” “Supreme Leader, if I may.” Hux interjected. “With her on our side, our chances of destroying the Resistance increases 78 percent.” “You have 48 hours to find this girl and bring her to me. If you two truly believe she can bring an end to the Resistance, we have no choice but to extort her powers.”

I inwardly growled at his choice of words, but I was glad that he agreed to finally have her here with me. Together we can bring order to the galaxy, me the emperor and her the empress. My true love will finally be with me once again, but she shall not know what lies behind the mask. For her safety and sanity it must remain that way. I still love her, but she wouldn’t stand the monster I have become. You caused this! You did this to me! Those words echo in my head every time I think of her. She could never forgive me after that.

A/N: Chapter 2 is finally out! I am so sorry that this is late. I just haven’t been the best and I needed to shift my focus on my family.

Feedback is much appreciated. Like and Share!

Tagging list: @s-g-arimos @comeasyoure @brandysworld @htowgpolo @stilinskis-banshee @donttalktomewhenimreading

Taglist is open!!!!

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