#hiwthi shitposts

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Checking it twice

Jay sat at the kitchen table, making an attempt to wrap the last presents, swamped by wrapping paper and his to-do list of gifts.

"Don't you touch that," he said without looking up when he noticed his stanley knife slowly sliding away from him. Like he was living with a cat trying to swipe the ribbons...

Zayne grinned and sat across from him. "Do I get a present, too?"

"I don't know." Jay bit off a piece of tape. "Have you been nice this year?"

"So nice."

"I think Santa's scale might tip more towards naughty."

"I'm house sitting for you. That's nice."

"You're taking advantage of the fact that I'm away for four days, that's not house sitting. Also doesn't cancel out months of literal torture."

"Speaking of torture..."

Jay sighed and picked up the stanley knife again before Zayne could swipe it and compare its sharpness to his own knife. The hungry look on his face when he slid it easily through the wrapping paper didn't go unnoticed.

"If I give you a present," he started, "will you promise to leave me alone the days before Christmas so I can go see my family without limping?"

"Hm..."

"Peace on earth and all that?"

"What present?"

"There's an ice cake in the freezer. Meant to bring with me, but it won't survive the trip. All yours."

Zayne got up without a word and Jay heard the crunch of the freezer door behind him. Heard an eager and somewhat impressed "Ohh" and some rustling. Then Zayne slid into his seat again.

"Deal."

-

Merry Xmas lovelies!

Tag list: @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @burtlederp @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @hurtmebeautifully @rougenoirofthepurpleterror @susiequaz12 @whump-me-all-night-long @rippedjeansandfadeddreams @im-just-here-for-the-whump @restrainthenmaime @freefallingup13 @whatwasmyprevioususername @myfriendcallsmeasickwoman19 @firewheeesky @redstainedsocks @hold-back-on-the-comfort @whumpawink @break-so-beautifully @approach-me-and-ill-cry @painsandconfusion @afabulousmrtake @wormwriting @soopytime @whumpedydump @pickleking8 @itsmyworld98 @whumpifi @painless-and-colourful

#the only xmas Zayne gets to celebrate is in prison #but we can have a little treat #and so can he #hiwthi #hiwthi shitposts #hiwthi drabbles #lightly based on the fact that the ice cake I wanted was *sold out* #stanley knife whump pls

[writingmaneskin]

don't you just love it when people start yelling

#allie's shitposts #hiwthi

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Cheap entertainment

Home is where the hurt is: Part 1

-

“Hold the fuck up!” Jay said with such force that the hand in his shirt actually started to relax and he pulled away from Zayne’s grip. He walked over to his wardrobe, pulled out a stack of white t-shirts and dropped them onto the bed.

“These were like a quid a piece, so these are the ones you’re allowed to carve up, fuck’s sake…” Jay grumbled, utterly resigned and bitter, pulling his sweatshirt over his head.

Zayne, knife still in his hand, simply stared at the shirts.

And just as Jay reached for one of the shirts to change into, Zayne lunged forward and stabbed right into the neatly folded stack, just a little to the left under the neckline.

“Whoa!” Jay pulled back in alarm, just in time as the knife seared past his fingertips. He glanced from the shirts back up to Zayne back to the knife, ‘wtf’ clearly written all over his face, frozen in place and cradling his hand as if a few fingers had actually been severed in that surprise attack.

Zayne, clearly unbothered by his miss, stood over the shirts for a beat, leaving the knife nestled in his victim. Then he glanced up, slowly pulled the knife out and brought it up, pulling one of the shirts along. It dangled on the tip of the knife by its ‘stab wound’, which, unnervingly, was just over where the heart would be.

He took the shirt in two hands and without saying a word and keeping eye contact with Jay, slowly ripped it apart.

Jay just watched, somewhat dumbstruck and totally confused, eyes following along as the flimsy cotton easily tore into two.

Only when Zayne started rolling up a strip of the cotton around his fist, he started to see where this was going. And by then it was too late.

A single hand to his throat pushed him off balance and dunked him onto the bed. Zayne landed heavily on top of him, inching closer, and pressing the rolled up ball of cotton against firmly shut lips.

“Open up,” Zayne crooned with a wicked smile.

“Uh uh!” Jay hummed through clenched teeth.

The cold flat of the knife settled against his cheekbone. Jay tensed up. The blade slowly moved down, tilted until the edge nicked over his chin and with the slightest hint of pressure made a small cut.

“Okay! Okay, oka—HNG!”

Zayne struck and pressed the gag into his mouth. Followed up with a palm over his lips when Jay instantly tried to spit it out, and just shook his head, humming his disapproval.

“Maybe I prefer you shirtless, anyway…” he whispered.

The knife settled on Jay’s sternum – Jay’s turn to hum out his panic. His back arched and he bit into the gag, unable to restrain a grunt of pain as the knife sliced down in a straight line.

Zayne shushed him, pulling back his hand, merely letting his fingers linger over his lips in warning before he leaned back. He grabbed the other half of the torn shirt and dabbed it over the cut, catching the drops of blood rolling down, pressing it into the red line to squeeze out some more. He sat back, watching the drops slither down Jay’s heaving chest. Tilted his head in thought. “Or maybe…”

He scrambled off of him and threw him one of the shirts.

“Put that on.”

Jay caught it in surprise. But of course, didn’t put it on yet. Instead, he reached for the gag but Zayne cleared his throat and raised an eyebrow.

As Jay found his wisdom, Zayne ran a hand over the stack of shirts. He tsk’ed. “Not even a shirt for every day…” He settled back over Jay. Blood blossomed up against the white shirt now covering the slice in the middle of his chest and he grinned. He teased the knife through the tear over Jay’s heart.

He could kill me, Jay realised as he felt his heart hammer against the cold pinprick. One punch straight through, just had to put his weight onto it to sink in deep, lash out just once to cut his throat…

But he didn’t. Because Zayne was more of a ‘death by a thousand cuts’ person. And around the hundredth he’d stop and patch you up. Only to start off from one again once that one-tenth bit of death had healed.

“Let’s see…” Zayne hummed, still swirling the knife over Jay’s heart. “Four shirts left. I think…” He pressed the knife into muscle and tore through cotton and skin in one go. “…we can go through those four in one evening.”

He leaned forward, looking straight into Jay’s eyes, not even bothering to see where the knife strayed and what it cut.

“After all, you said I could.”

-

Tag list: @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @burtlederp @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @hurtmebeautifully @rougenoirofthepurpleterror @susiequaz12 @whump-me-all-night-long @rippedjeansandfadeddreams @im-just-here-for-the-whump @restrainthenmaime @freefallingup13 @whatwasmyprevioususername @myfriendcallsmeasickwoman19 @firewheeesky @redstainedsocks @hold-back-on-the-comfort @whumpawink @break-so-beautifully @approach-me-and-ill-cry @painsandconfusion @afabulousmrtake @wormwriting @soopytime @whumpedydump @pickleking8 @itsmyworld98 @whumpifi @painless-and-colourful

#I proudly present: malicious compliance whumper #whump #whump drabble #manhandling #gagged whumpee #sadistic whumper #home is where the hurt is #hiwthi #hiwthi drabbles #hiwthi shitposts #my writing

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Jay's house, basically.

#yes crime starting from 6pm #also zayne: that sign can't stop me because-- #hiwthi #hiwthi shitposts

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#for some reason this gives me such jayne vibes... #jay getting pounced when he gets home #except he aint fooling zayne #to jay being super careful when he gets home #to jay expecting the worst over time and he's *ready* but zayne just be chilling #hiwthi shitposts

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How Jay celebrates christmas, facts:

Four days at his parents

Will want to bring his bike cause his parents live a little more rural and he'll need alone time during those four days.

Laura will arrive in London, get a rental car (big enough for the bike) and he'll meet her somewhere near the airport to go together.

Bickering over who's driving. "You never drive anywhere!" "But you drive on the-- WRONG SIDE! WRONG SIDE!"

Creams everyone in Scrabble.

Nearly crying tears of joy over getting 3 undisturbed nights of sleep in his childhood bed.

Meanwhile Zayne:

Food coma and spreadeagled in the middle of Jay's bed.

#stuff I need to get out of my head #hiwthi #hiwthi shitposts

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Zayne hummed, letting the tip of his knife tease along Jay's upper arm. "You know, I've been dying to just cut along your tan lines," he murmured, pricking into the divide between pale and sunkissed skin.

"Don't," Jay's exhausted voice cut in.

"Why not, you usually wear long sleeves anyway."

"Because I don't want to look like Frankenstein on a bike."

A soft twitch of the lips followed to hide a smile, but Zayne pulled back from the outline of Jay’s watch. "Fair."

#we've gone past the point of “because it'll hurt!” #zayne doesn't acknowledge that anymore #hiwthi #hiwthi shitposts #didnt write at all this week so have a drabble #ok no wait I lied I started on some good ol zayne angst #my writing

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Drabble soooo.. jay gets a new job that leads him to spend longer hours with his boss late at night, and it could just be a purely professional relationship (or maybe not if you make it that way), but either way, Zayne is not happy… maybe jay needs a reminder of the importance of coming home on time ?

I just love the sentence Zayne is not happy… maybe jay needs a reminder of the importance of coming home on time ? So much to unpack :3

Anyway, here's how Zayne solves it.

Home is where the hurt is: Part 1

-

Random acts of kindness

“Jay…” The honeyed voice was too sweet to be anything but genuine, and didn’t quite cover the danger that lurked underneath. Jay shivered when a hand rested on his shoulder and it lightly pulled, willing him to turn around.

Zayne’s smile was the same as his voice – hinting at the malice about to burst out – and Jay suddenly realised what it meant when someone’s smile didn’t reach their eyes.

“I’m actually quite sure we’ve had this conversation before…” Zayne looked deep into his eyes and then shifted his gaze to the clock on the wall next to him.

“I… yes… but—” Fingers tightened into his shoulder and a fist curled up and slowly pulled back. “No no, wait, hear me out!”

“Oh, I’m all ears. Especially when you throw in some screaming.”

“It’s--!” A blast to his abdomen prevented him from turning his air into an actual excuse. He doubled over, fell back a step before he crashed to his knees. “No…” he forced out, panic quickening his next words when a hand snagged in his shirt pulling him up and he saw another fist on right approach. “It’s not my fault! It’s not my choice!”

The fist stilled. The hand in his shirt twisted, nudging him up.

“It’s…” Jay took a deep breath. “It’s mandatory overtime, okay? Our new boss is a… perfectionist to say it kindly and he’s making that our problem.”

Zayne’s eyes narrowed, looking down on him. “You never had a problem with overtime.”

“Well, I do now. I’m not taking advantage of some nit-picker forcing me to dot all my i’s.”

“What happened to your old boss?”

“Luke’s on paternity leave and this guy is temporarily stepping in from another department. And surprise! That department is working on half strength because half their team is on sick leave and overworked. A relief for them. It just sucks for us. Honestly, I genuinely wish that I could leave at five, for more reasons than just you, but I really can’t.”

Zayne hummed. He let Jay’s shirt fall back down and retreated a step.

“It’s just for another few weeks,” Jay continued. “Please, just cut me some slack here.”

Another hum, this time with a growling lilt. “We’ll see.”

-

A few days later, Jay was happy that Zayne hadn’t been waiting around for him. After gruelling days at work, he really didn’t need torture at night as well. It was a mercy. And a surprise too, really. After Zayne’s parting words, he hadn’t actually expected the guy to cut him some slack… It was a tiny ray of light that he really needed.

Biking up to work, he thought he deserved to start the day on a good note, and he treated himself to his favourite but expensive coffee drink before he entered the office. A little pick me up before Alexander would pull up his latest written article, ground it into the floor with his shoe, and demand a rewrite before EOD.

When he got to his department, he was surprised to find everyone huddled together.

“I don’t know,” he heard as he joined the group. “Could probably take weeks.”

“Hey, what’s going on?”

“Alexander got in a traffic accident.”

“Jesus, is he alright?”

“We think so, but he’s in hospital.”

“It was a hit and run. His wife told us he’s conscious, but that’s about all we know.”

So they’d just have to wait… Jay sipped at his coffee, glancing up over his cup at the group. While they all seemed to be in relative shock, none seemed to be all that… worried. The conversation quickly shifted from concern to their actual work schedule and outright relief that they’d be home on time today. Jay couldn’t help but think the same, even though being home on time was a sensitive subject at the moment.

“Oh,” Terry started as he was scrolling on his phone. “I’m reading here they’re saying he got hit by a motorcycle.”

Jay made a choking sound into his cup as his coffee slipped into his windpipe. He turned away, somewhat glad his coughing gave him an excuse for his wide eyes. He couldn’t make the blood run back into his face, though.

No, no, no, no. Noo, this just had to be a coincidence. But for some reason, he had the very sudden urge to scramble for an excuse for overtime tonight…

“Why does The World know about that before we do?” someone demanded, a little indignant, reading over Terry’s shoulder.

“Because one of their reporters was actually there at the crossing.”

“Figures.”

“Alex would chew us out on that if he were here.”

“Well, as a direct source he’s bloody useless.”

“Bet his blood pressure is rising once he reads this…”

“That’s good, hospital might interpret that wrong and keep him longer.”

“Den, could you write something up? Quickly? And maybe forge the publishing date or something?”

“Yeah,” Dennis turned away, but kept his eyes on Jay. “Jay, help me out.”

“I will,” Jay croaked. “But I’ll organise a little something first for Alex. Flowers? On behalf of the department?”

“Yes, good idea,” people chimed in.

“Get a card too.”

“Oh, that’s sweet, Jay.”

“Yes…” Jay said with a steady smile that didn’t match the guilt in his eyes. “Least I— we can do.”

-

Tag list: @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @burtlederp @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @hurtmebeautifully @rougenoirofthepurpleterror @susiequaz12 @whump-me-all-night-long @rippedjeansandfadeddreams @im-just-here-for-the-whump @restrainthenmaime @freefallingup13 @whatwasmyprevioususername @myfriendcallsmeasickwoman19 @firewheeesky @redstainedsocks @hold-back-on-the-comfort @whumpawink @break-so-beautifully @approach-me-and-ill-cry @painsandconfusion @afabulousmrtake @wormwriting @soopytime @whumpedydump @pickleking8 @itsmyworld98

#we love it when zayne's not happy #me half way through writing this: #WAIT you meant Zayne is jealous?!?! #that would also be fun to explore :3 #home is where the hurt is #hiwthi #hiwthi drabbles #my writing #hiwthi shitposts #Alex getting his flowers: hmph the card isn't even handwritten... #Jay's potty mouth would be thrilled to know we dutch call these people antfuckers #Zayne: vroom vroom homewrecker #*swoons* the importance of coming home on time... sadly it turned to this

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Stolen Jayne memes part ?

Zayne: I'm here :) Is that you in the middle of the street?

Jay: Yeah, floor it.

Also Zayne:

So long suckers! I rev up my motorcycle and create a huge cloud of smoke. When the cloud dissipates, I’m lying completely dead on the pavement.

#hiwthi shitposts #hiwthi

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Based on my google typing mistake:

Zayne: Tonight you're having kabedon.

Jay: I think you mean I'm cooking katsudon?

Zayne: *backing Jay against the wall and slamming a fist an inch from his face* I said what I said.

#me googling: kabedon recipe... oh...ohright:3 #I GUESS I KNOW WHERE MY MIND WAS #it is tru my mind was mostly on whump this afternoon... #on a totally related note I think we need more kabedon in whump #Ive been yearning for years #the katsudon was lovely btw #jay needs more single dishes like this anyway #hiwthi shitposts #hiwthi

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First hot summer days of the year so I'm just thinking of two lads sharing a bed, spread-eagled, both grumpy as fuck because 'what is this guy even doing here in 30 degrees' and

"Why is the fan on your side of the bed?"

"My fan, my bed, my flat."

#two guys lying spreadeagled 6ft apart cause they ain't-- #oh heck Jay wishes that he had a bed that size #hiwthi shitposts #too hot to bicker but this wouldnt end well #erryone is suffering so why wouldn't I include them #zayne wondering if he should get emery to buy the building and install aircon

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I just realised that Zayne is a *Poor* judge of character.

*sees a stuck-up business man* Pff, what can he do. I bet I can manipulate or intimidate him into doing what I wan-- no.. no wait wait.

Okay, well, what about this nerd here, huh? He seems timid. Bet I just have to raise a fist and -- no, no, wait, why are you so goddamn stubborn, wait!

#hiwthi #hiwthi shitposts

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If it’s not too much trouble, can you please write a snippet where Zayne gets so annoyed with Jay’s talking back that he gags him? I just find the idea of him stuffing pieces of cloth in Jay’s mouth and then wrapping the lower half of his face in tape funny. I’m not sure if I should find that image funny… c’est la vie. I just like imagining Zayne watching a movie with Jay casually bound and gagged next to him.

Dear anon, an excuse to write more crack whump about them is never troubling <3 And yes, it is funny. I actually do have a duct tape drabble I need to finish but I can't resist this. How about a something like this.

Home is where the hurt is: Part 1

-

Hooligans

“Again, do you have trouble with the days of the week or what?” Jay sighed when he came home from training on Wednesday evening, the one fixed Zayne-less evening in the week that he got.

Zayne impatiently clicked his tongue. He was busy opening all cabinets in the kitchen, rummaging through and taking out all the snacks. “Do you know what day it is, Jayboy? It’s the Champion’s League final.”

“Go watch in some pub.”

“Rules in some pub is to buy a pint at least twice before half-time.”

 “Well, the rules in my pub—”

But he was interrupted by a harsh scratching sound of a roll of tape forcefully being unwind. “Rules in your pub,” Zayne said, holding out the tape in both hands, “are to shut the fuck up during the game.”

With a sinking stomach Jay watched as his crisps and biscuits were spread out over the coffee table. He was presented with the ultimate moral dilemma: was he going to take this and let Zayne trample all over his boundaries? Again? As always? Or was he going to kick him out?

Yeah, as if he needed to think about that. He sighed and just sank down in his lounge chair, letting Zayne take the couch for himself. Best choice, and most painless choice, was to just suck it up and to watch the game with him. He wasn't going to hide in his bedroom... besides, he wanted to see the game as well.

“Fine then.”

“Hush.”

“It hasn’t even started yet.”

“I wanna see the preview.”

“Previews is just a bunch of bullshit prattling.”

Zayne picked up the tape again and gave Jay a pointed and annoyed look. Jay held his hands up in surrender and slumped into his chair. During the game, however, Jay couldn’t resist commenting.

“Off-side,” he said in a monotone voice, head resting against a clenched fist.

“No, it’s not,” Zayne growled, but grunted as the flag went up and the scored goal was disallowed. “Fuck…”

“You’re supporting Bayern?!”

“What, you’re for Barca?”

“Duh?”

Zayne sighed and shook his head. “Well, I already knew you had no taste.”

Jay decided it was best not to argue that and just watched with clenched teeth as Zayne ate his way through a bag of crisps.

“Oh, come on, that was clearly a foul,” he said as the players bickered while the referee re-checked the video.

“Did all that smacking around damage your eyes or something? Total Schwalbe,” Zayne said, eyes still on the screen.

The ref ran back up the field, dug around in his breast pocket and pulled out a red card.

Zayne groaned.

Jay just smiled. “See.”

“Right.” Zayne slowly stood. “That’s it.” And before Jay could even realise how screwed he was, he was dragged out of his chair and smashed face-down onto the couch.

“What are you doing?!” he all but screamed as Zayne pinned him down.

“Something I should’ve done before the game started.” He reached for the roll of duct-tape in-between the cushions.

“Because you can’t stand Bayern losing like the losers they are?!”

“Because you are unable to keep your mouth shut ever.” He buried a knee in the small of Jay’s back, snatched up his scrambling hands and rolled the tape around them. Then he ripped off some pieces of tape with Jay still struggling under him, and forcefully turned him over, dunking his back and bound hands into the pillows.

“Get off me! Get oh—mmm! MMhmm!!” The tape was forced, not too gently over his mouth, and Zayne added some extra pieces for good measure, practically taping in his chin so he could barely even move his jaw. When he held the last piece of tape over his nose, Jay started whimpering and pulling away.

“You get the message,” Zayne said, sticking the last piece of tape over his upper lip. His attention snapped to the screen as he heard the whistle for the play to resume.

He pulled him close in by the neck of his t-shirt. “If I hear as much as a grunt out of you, I will dump you on the floor and hogtie you, get it?”

And as Jay nodded – best he could – Zayne pushed him back into the cushions and sat down next to him, settling back, making himself comfortable.

He curled up and shook the bag of crisps in Jay’s direction. “Want some?”

Jay’s chest rose in rage and he tensed up, but didn’t make a sound other than some choked off angry sound in his throat and Zayne smiled, “Ah, right,” turning his attention back to the game. “More for me then.”

-

Bonus: Jay making the tiniest muffled choked off cheer when Barcelona scores and Zayne just dumps him off the couch and hogties him with tape.

Tag list: @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @burtlederp @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @hurtmebeautifully @rougenoirofthepurpleterror @susiequaz12 @whump-me-all-night-long @whumpinggoodtime @rippedjeansandfadeddreams @im-just-here-for-the-whump @restrainthenmaime @freefallingup13 @whatwasmyprevioususername @myfriendcallsmeasickwoman19 @firewheeesky @redstainedsocks @hold-back-on-the-comfort @whumpawink @break-so-beautifully @approach-me-and-ill-cry @painsandconfusion @afabulousmrtake @wormwriting @soopytime @whumpyzombie @whumpedydump

#as our prime minister would say: just shut the fuck up #I don't know the pub rules but whatev #crack whump #annoying whumpee #home is where the hurt is #hiwthi #hiwthi drabbles #hiwthi shitposts #it's a hiwthi kinda week #Now I still want a casual situation with Jay annoying too much and Zayne stuffing his mouth with cloth... #my writing

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Jayne quotes based on my current mood:

Jay: Just gotta take a shower and then I can collapse...

Zayne: *lurking in wait* Guess again

-

Jay: I love reclining and being horizontal

Zayne: *already half way in tackling him to the floor* Say no more

#meant to finish a continuation drabble but #hey its easter and its a busy week so #have a shitpost instead #hiwthi #hiwthi shitposts #I've just taken a shower so guess what step 2 is

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What is Zayne spooned him just to make him uncomfortable not for fluff reasons

Y'all really want to spoon Jay, huh. Alright. Fine. For valentine's day.

-

"Good morning, hun." The low and way too close whisper immediately put him on full alert. Jay instantly woke up, noticed how Zayne had crept in way too close for comfort, and tried to scoot away.

But he didn't get far; a strong arm around his shoulder kept him firmly where he was, Zayne draped around him in half a hug, pressing his shoulders into his chest.

Jay actually let out a snarl. "Get. The fuck. Off me." When he only got a low chuckle in response, he reared up to aim an elbow back. But the arm around him suddenly tightened, clamping his arm to his chest until he couldn't move.

He struggled against the grip and tried to sit up, but Zayne immediately took advantage by slipping another arm under his body, forearms crossing Jay's chest, holding onto his arm, and pulled him in close in a tight embrace.

"Five more minutes," Zayne muttered, pushing himself even closer and nuzzling Jay's neck.

Jay hissed and pulled fruitlessly at the arms imprisoning him. Being this close to Zayne and not being able to see his intentions - plain old fuckery most likely - set off all alarm bells, ringing in a warning of pain. He could go for a headbutt back, but at.what.cost.man.

"Let go!" He opted instead.

"Relax, it's Saturda-- ow!"

His grip released and Jay immediately shot away after landing his combo; pinching the skin of Zayne's hand and kicking back at his knees.

Zayne rubbed his hand a little then threw the covers back. "So," he purred, slowly crawling out of bed like a monster from the deep. "You have chosen... violence."

#a fine choice for a saturday morning! #instigated violence #I don't know what this is... unedited shenanigans just go with it #sleeping on the floor or other punishment depends on how broken the nose is #but might also be a kind of rewards #zayne'd somehow realise he brought this kind of violence on himself though #restrain the snoop and spoon him *chefs kiss* #hiwthi #hiwthi shitposts

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Zayne: So how was your day, dear?

Jay, suckerpunched:

#hiwthi shitposts