#hhhh... i should sleep. so my brain works at least a little tomorrow 🙃

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#how am i feeling? i am not feeling good #ok i feel better than i did 5min ago. itll b fine but Jesus #so basically what happened is its supposrd to snow tomorrow night so i have to get some sampling done tomorrow morning #and i do not like big short notice changes. there's like a 30% i will flip out #and the sampling i have to do is at 3 sites that i would love to never step into ever again. i have so much bitterness and hate toward that #study. it was the start of the end. and by the end i mean the epic downward spiral that was my 2022 experience #so ngl i wish they would catch on fire. but not really bc theyre long term study sites that have been going since like the 80s #anyway. i have to do that tomorrow. also also in sampling these sites im adding 80 samples to my list #which means ill be taking measurements for an extra 5 days 🤪 thats gonna be at least 39 days of measurements 🤪🤪🤪 #and last time i did this i starting losing my god damn mind. and i cant do that now bc i have to pretend ive got everything together #so yeah im just at the stage of anticipating pain for the start of all that and ive gotta get up early tomorrow and its already late #and i spend like an hour crying into an excel spreadsheet so my eyes r tired #so ya kno its good. its all good. good good good. great. im soooo happy #and i do not at all feel the urge to throw myself to the ground screaming like a toddler #im just standing here in this grave ive dug myself over the past year and now its time for the universe to start burying me #hhhh... i should sleep. so my brain works at least a little tomorrow 🙃 #itll b fine. ill get to talk to a lab mate i dont usually see and itll be fine #unrelated