#heartwrenching lemme tell ya
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fun little facts about kakashi ( aka my kakashi’s entire backstory ):
kakashi was a few months old when his mother died. he doesn’t have any memories of her, nor did he really know her, but since sakumo felt her loss keenly, so did kakashi when he was growing up.
he was four when he joined the academy. a few weeks before his graduation ( almost a year later ), his father, hatake sakumo, committed suicide and kakashi found his body.
minato, who was a friend of sakumo’s and admired the hell out of the man, offered to take in kakashi, who refused. he stayed in the family home until he was a genin ( so, a few weeks later ), and then he moved out into his own apartment, as he technically could since under the eyes of the law, kakashi was an adult.
since kakashi refused to live with minato, minato instead took in kakashi as an apprentice, which kakashi accepted. of course, kakashi admired the hell out of minato, but finding the father you also admire the hell out of ( and tried not to any longer because of everything that happened ) dead by his own hand is scarring.
since kakashi graduated at five, gai graduated at seven, asuma, kurenai, rin, and obito graduated at nine, genma and ebisu graduated at ten, but ebisu and genma are supposed to be two years older than kakashi, kurenai is supposed to be one year older than kakashi, and rin, obito, kakashi, and gai are supposed to be the same age and yet they all apparently graduated from the academy at the same time, i’m trying to figure out how their graduation ages and their ages are supposed to work. i might just assume that kishimoto just handwaved ages and shit, so i might just throw away canon ages and just make kakashi the youngest of the bunch and have it go from there.
for now, kakashi graduated first amongst his “peers” and spent two years working with minato alone in an apprenticeship before they picked up obito and rin to make them a real team. by that point, kakashi was already a chūnin, since he made rank a year after becoming a genin, and so obito and rin had to have a different teammate during the exam to fill out their numbers.
obito “dies” when kakashi is twelve, then rin dies about a few months later. kakashi gains the nickname as “friend killer kakashi”, which he absolutely detests. kakashi was put into ANBU by minato, where he underwent missions that ended in success but didn’t help his depression nor his ptsd after losing two teammates in almost rapid succession through what he believes were his fault. minato, noticing this, put kakashi instead on guard duty on kushina, which helped his mental state a little in that kakashi actually started to smile some.
however, upon the deaths of minato and kushina where kakashi wasn’t even allowed to help, kakashi returned to fast-paced, deadly missions that would have been suicidal if kakashi had been anyone else. in order to try to curb kakashi’s solo ANBU missions, the third put kakashi as an ANBU captain, where he lead a few ANBU, including tenzō, yugao, and itachi. having a team behind him helped a little, but when itachi was ordered to kill the uchiha clan by the third, danzō, and the elders, kakashi fell into an even deeper depression because he helped train itachi, and the third finally decided to pull kakashi out of ANBU and returned him to standard forces.
after that, kakashi was ordered to take genin team after genin team, but he failed each genin team for four years straight because they didn’t have the teamwork he thought was necessarily even when he gave them a huge neon sign saying WORK TOGETHER. however, when given naruto, sasuke, and sakura... well, the rest, as they say, was history.
#「⚡」❛ you cannot open the mind of another if you do not have an open mind yourself. ❜ | headcanons.#and by 'fun' obv i mean 'heartwrenching' <3#mentions of suicide //#i'm trying to figure out how much older minato is than kakashi#bc i think minato died at..... 24?#and if kakashi graduated at five and minato trained him the entire time#god the ages in the naruto world do not make much fucking sense lemme tell ya#let's say minato started teaching kakashi at seventeen#soooo there'd be a twelve year difference#but minato would be 24 when kakashi is a jōnin#so unless minato died literally MONTHS after rin did.... jesus......#that would LITERALLY be the year of hell for kakashi
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What different New Moon ending did you have in mind?
I would have liked to see more representation of mental health and actual communication between Bella and Edward in Eclipse.
It was kind of a slap in the face for me when Bella, who’s been severely depressed - to the point of being suicidal - throughout New Moon because of Edward, swept everything underneath the rug to be with him again without hesitation. They never had a conversation where Bella told Edward how much pain he’d caused her - made him take responsibility for his actions - and show how incredibly manipulative it was of him to tear down her already low confidence and make her feel unwanted. It was also horrible of him to cut her off from his family, including her best friend, and leaving her high and dry - especially after all she’s been through because of the supernatural (the James debacle). It was juvenile and disrespectful. Bella can’t be honest with anyone without putting them in danger (Edward told her about the Volturi in Twilight, right??), let alone talk to a therapist without sounding mad: “Oh, my vampire boyfriend just dumped me and left me in the middle of the woods. I thought I might have been trippin’ for the last couple of months but nope - still got that shiny bitemark from feral James - and now I’m sad ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ what can ya do?"
I know it wouldn’t have been as heartwrenching if Edward had have told her f.ex: "I love you, but I’m not comfortable being in a relationship with you anymore.” Bella would have a say in the matter, but a relationship is ultimately over if the other person doesn’t want to be in it. Hell, New Moon could have been about that - Bella having a chance to fight for Edward and then the wolves + Laurant and Victoria.
I would have liked canon more if they’d at least TALKED about it.
I do struggle with depression, and it’s a constant battle. There is no magical cure: “Oh, the reason behind my depression has been fixed??? Well, then I guess I’m not sad anymore!” I would have been able to go along with it if SM had at least given Bella some trust issues and reservation when it came to Edward in Eclipse. Like, I grew so paranoid after being bullied and isolated, and it got even worse when I discovered how emotionally manipulative and parasitic my best friend was (great way to end a shitty year like 2017 - lemme tell ya :D).
Eclipse would have been great if Bella hadn’t been as certain about the Cullen’s and for them to actually work for her trust again. That, plus Victoria - SM had a whole lot to work with there - and not dilute it with that whole pro-abstinence spiel (gotta leave room for Jesus, kids) - the fear of Victoria could have been a mirror to Bella’s internal struggle, and I dig that kind of shit.
I’m sorry for the late reply, anon! My health has been out of whack these couple of weeks, so I haven’t had the energy for anything outside of bare necessities! This answer has been churning in my scrambled brain since you asked me so I might edit this when I’m feeling better :)
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themagicmelodicmask did someone ask for an absolutely heartwrenching...
Meeeeee
Cool I’m glad someone’s down ‘cause lemme tell ya I’ve got shit to write...once I finish this other gutwrenching original work
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Bus King/Busking/Night Moves
That’s a photo of me and my ex-gf. I just found it last week in my bag that Jamie brought to me from Burlington, thanks Jamie bro. Happier times, man. We’re still friends but we don’t see each other much. That’s a repeating pattern with me. Me and a gal will break up, declare an intention to stay friends, and then I be their friend while they work hard at vanishing from my life and into the arms of some dude who hates me cuz I’m still her friend. Happened with Jessica, happened with Courtney. Next time I’ll just do the sudden severance. Seems to work for other people.
Well, fuck. I’ve been struggling a little bit lately. Still sober, still pissing in a cup every day. My hours got cut at work for a few weeks but they’re back up to full-time next week, where they’ll remain until mid-December. I’m trying to save my apartment, need to find a roommate to take over the lease, which requires first and last, which I don’t have but I’m trying to acquire somehow.
A few days ago I went busking for the first time in about a year. Queen and University is my corner, northwest side. I like it there because you get a lot of 905ers coming out of Osgoode Station to go explore Queen West, people who don’t ordinarily see buskers, so they’re generous. I can only play for about three hours on an acoustic before my fingers start to hurt too much to play chords, and you average about six bucks an hour. I write a lot of songs that way. “Make It Mine” off the new album was written while busking last year and I came up with a few new ones the other day. It was a good day, actually. I woke up broke and without food and ended the day with a full belly and a pack of cigarettes and an Arizona Iced Tea. I felt content. So I’m gonna go back out there tomorrow. And probably the next day too.
My laptop died and I almost lost the record, but I was able to extract the files after a few days of feeling numb and worried. I really like our upcoming album, the songs have kept me good company over the past year, and the thought of losing the whole damn thing, save for “Fighting Ways” which is finished, and a handful of others, was a little scary. It’s not gone though. Sweet relief. BCN songs are like cockroaches. They find a way. Cue “Long Distance King” in your head as you read that last line...”we’ll find a waaaaay, we’ll fiiind a waaaaay.” Glory days. Before everything went to shit.
Hey, know what’s a great record? Break Up Break Down by Reigning Sound. Listen to the quavering, breathless delivery from Greg Cartwright on this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fWcZKZR3jg
Another great one off that record is called “Want You,” a really sad, pretty ballad. I’d like to make an album of Memphis ballads some day, in the vein of Break Up Break Down. We’ll call it Fuck Up Fuck Off or something.
I set up my keyboard tonight with a mind to do some overdubs tomorrow. I’ve been avoiding doing keyboard overdubs on the album forever because I’m a terrible keyboard player and it takes a really long time to get a single coherent take and I don’t have the patience that I used to. I finished “Night Needles” from A Steamroller Named Desire in a single evening, and that song has probably the most piano of any BCN song. I doubt I could do the same thing now. I’m older now and runnin against the wind, as Bob Seger would sing. Has sung, whatever. Running Against the Wind. I love that song. “Wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then” is a great line eh? Legend has it Seger wanted to cut that line but the producer told him how great it was, which it is. Oftentimes artists can’t recognize their own greatness. Years ago, when I was sixteen or so, I was trying to put together a set of acoustic covers in my bedroom. I remember doing “Leave It Alone” by Moist, which is pretty embarrassing now, but also “Against the Wind” and an acoustic version of the Smashing Pumpkin’s “Ava Adore,” which I was surprised to find has a very similar chord progression as “Against the Wind.” I mean, those two songs sound nothing alike, yet they’re very alike, chord-wise.
ANYWAY I’m rambling. Just finished an assignment for a client (I do people’s homework for them as a side hustle. Forty bucks here, sixty bucks there, it all goes into the giant hole I dug for myself the past few years.) I owe money to one guy who actually chased me this past January, up near Dovercourt and Hallam. I had to jump a couple fences but I got away. He’ll get paid soon enough. They all do.
I’m working on it man. Pushing against the tide. Runnin against the wind.
One last thing about that Bob Seger song: I’ve always thought that part where he yells “let the cowboys ride!” at the end of the song was stupid. Why couldn’t he have taken that part out? It’s so obvious that he was out of ideas and just mustered up the best open field imagery he could in the moment. Let the cowboys ride? Given the greatness that comes before that line, I can’t dismiss the song, even if it’s not as good as the immortal “Night Moves.”
A quick word about “Night Moves” before I go. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mRFWQoXq4c I honestly think it’s one of the greatest all-time vocal performances. There are three distinct parts in the song that always give me shivers. The first is that irresistible “summertime summertime” part @ 2:19. The second comes in that great breakdown, when the title changes from a sexual innuendo to a somber, forlorn musing on the passage of time and how time can move slower when you’re bored, faster when you’re absorbed and excited. Ain’t it funny how the night moves...when you just don’t seem to haaaaaaaave as much to lo-o-se. It’s that “have” that always gets me...just the way Seger gives it the perfect amount of witsfulness and gravelly gravity. Fuckin killer. Singing is always a fine balance between technical proficiency and emotional delivery, but on that line Seger’s 99% heart, 1% technique, and it still sounds incredible. To me, at least.
The last part is in the final minor descending refrain @ 5:04, even though it’s just Bob doing a bunch of “ooooohooohoohhhs.” It wouldn’t be as good if that vocal came over the main riff, but it doesn’t. It comes over the same chord progression as the chorus, that sad lilting minor key descent. Every time, man. Every time.
I’ve been trying to cover “Night Moves” since 2007. I don’t think I’ve ever got past the first chorus. I just can’t sell it. Those aren’t my memories, they’re Bob Seger’s. I never existed in the 1950s America he’s singing about in the song, the America of taking your sweetheart to the drive-in, cruising the strip, going to diners and pushing coins into jukeboxes. That wasn’t my adolescence. So it’s a tough one to sing. You have to know when you’re beaten. That’s part of growing up.
I don’t talk to my Dad anymore. He hates my guts and so does his girlfriend. It doesn’t bother me except for when I hear certain songs...songs like “Night Moves” or “Walking On The Moon” by The Police...first time I ever heard my father sing on the way to Owen Sound for a hockey tournament I was playing...it was the chorus, that “no way, chasing your cares away” part, and we had sunflower seeds and that was the night I fell in love with highways and movement and travel and all that Kerouac stuff I’d get obsessed with later, all those fuckin notebooks I filled with eager scrawling about road trips I hadn’t yet taken. I lost all those notebooks somehow, can’t remember maybe I tossed them all on purpose, kind of a year zero event. Too much in those notebooks was lines from existing songs. I remember one time going through an old notebook and seeing “the sea is foaming like a bottle of beer” and thinking I’d written it...nope...it was a Weezer song. I’d just scrawled out that one line hammered one night, drunk at 17, back when it was actually exciting to get drunk and not a sad chore like it later became.
I’m going busking tomorrow. I might not be able to do “Night Moves” but I can bust out “Against the Wind.” I ain’t licked yet. It ain’t over. I’m older now and still runnin against the wind. Let the cowboys ride or whatever.
Edit, PS: That was a really dramatic fuckin post. I’m sorry. For some much-needed levity, here’s a picture of me from last week. Some friends visited while I was in bed, and I came out to say hello still holding my book.
PPS: Hey, know another great Bob Seger song? “Still the Same,” especially those ghostly backing vocals in the second verse. Check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjDpKeiYxOU
PPPS: Hey, know another song that has cool ghostly additional instrumental in the second verse? Bruce Springsteen’s “Downbound Train.” It’s not his greatest song and I don’t like Bruce’s overdone “blue collar accent,” the dumb slurring he likes to do in order to sound more like a mechanic making $20 000 a year, but that beautiful synth organ that comes in on the second verse is just heartwrenching, listen for it @ 0:49: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nc_mv46NwT4 The organ has a pretty sweet solo for one-bar starting at 1:21. If I could get that organ tone, I wouldn’t put off doing keyboard overdubs, lemme tell ya son, I tell ya what.
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