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milkywayes · 6 months

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Thinking about Garrus again and how much I appreciate his character, his development, his search for perspective and how it shapes his relationship with Shepard.

He always wants to do the Right Thing, as in Achieve X Positive End Goal, but the way there is so murky to him. So tough to navigate, to visualize. He likes when it's clear and when it's simple, but it simply never fucking is, so he has to Think It Through. And he simply cannot trust anyone else to do the thinking for him. He can't trust them to value the Right Thing as much as he does. He can't trust them to want it as badly.

and then, ENTER SHEPARD STAGE LEFT, and finally he finds someone that he can trust. With all of it. He can Tell she wants it just as badly, but the difference is, she seems to also have an idea of how to get there.

I've seen people complain that he has no backbone and just agrees with whatever Shepard says, and it's like… they don't get it. He needs someone in his life who he can trust to think things through with him, to meet him where he's at and to engage in good faith. She is the Only person he would ever cede to, the only authority he'll accept, because she has proven herself to care just as much as he cares.

(As a side note, that's also how I view his infamous elevator talks. He's not approaching these conversations closed-mindedly even if his word choice is often lacking or people take offense to his straight-forwardness. As I said, the path is murky for him. He's asking because he genuinely wants to know. He's practically desperate for another point of view. He wants to understand.)

He's the only character who constantly asks Shepard for her opinion on things, on morality issues and approaches and how she'd navigate all the little pitfalls that line the road to Justice. And over the games he recognizes that even this lofty end goal is anything but simple, and it's shaped by how they get there. He doesn't talk these things through with her just to follow her direction like a soldier following orders. Him accepting her response, no matter what it is, is him respecting her so much and believing so much in her true desire for achieving Justice - it's not blanket agreeing with her.

This happens so often in ME3: he'll ask, and she'll respond, and he will accept her answer without judgement, but you never hear him say "you're so right, o my moral compass". He's just mapping the path that's ahead, and he takes her opinion as much into account as his own, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't have his own or that it always aligns with hers. He wants the full picture, and at that point, he is humble enough to know that his opinion is subjective, so he needs more points of view and more intel, and there is none that he values more than Shepard's.

But it's not all for himself. They're both stuck in the same, horrible situation. He's asking her, and in turn she has to think about it and really consider all the pitfalls he's already identified but isn't sure how to approach. He's a safe sounding board for her. They think it through together, her as this unstoppable force towards the Right Thing, him as the one in the sniper's perch who sights the path ahead and calls out to her when there's a wall before she can run head-first into it. In the end, they're two people united in their striving for the same thing, two halves of a well-oiled machine. No Shepard without Vakarian.

#mass effect #garrus vakarian #this applies in literally any context romance or no romance #but i'll tag it anyway #shakarian #fuck I'm just so obsessed with him.#so many people completely misunderstand where he's coming from #and it's a little sad but it's okay because at least Shepard gets it #she always gets him #who's mshep never heard of him btw #milky.txt

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ramblinganthropologist · 7 months

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Writober 2023 8 - Toad

Summary: So... do krogan look like toads or turtles?

(this is stupid and set during ME1)

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Nothing like surviving a shootout with krogan Battlemasters to make you really appreciate being alive.

Also, nothing like surviving a shootout with krogan Battlemasters to make absolutely everything fucking hurt.

“I see you broke another rib, Commander.”

“Sure feels like it, Doctor.”

At that moment, Alistair was out of armor and on one of the beds in the med bay. Above him, Chakwas was scanning him with her ever-so useful x-ray machine, checking to see if he had broken something.

Judging by the look on her face… looks like he had to add to his total.

“Once again, the compression caused a fracture.” Her tone was matter of fact as she put the scanner aside. “Actually, it caused three.”

Three at once? That had to be a record for him…

He would’ve smiled, but everything fucking hurt so he just lay there. “Joker’s going to be disappointed I’m pulling ahead in the broken rib leader board.”

It wasn’t exactly a big match – just himself and his pilot. Between the man’s brittle bone disease and his binder, it was neck and neck. Or should he say rib and rib? Whatever was the right term, he was pretty sure he was currently winning.

What did he win from it? Nothing but broken ribs and the pride he was a fucking mess.

“Commander, I once again have to recommend top surgery for you. You’ve broken your ribs far too many times.” She paused. “But I know your answer – you don’t have the down time needed to recover from the procedure.”

Alistair nodded, wincing. “That and the whole Saren Arterius teaming up with the Reapers to destroy the universe thing. It’s kind of putting a hitch in my plans.”

Not that he had been actively planning to get top surgery at that point. What with his Alliance duties, he didn’t really have the time needed to sit and let his chest heal. Now that he was facing the possible death of everyone he knew and cared about, he had even less time.

Also, he was kind of leading a ship now. Who didn’t love responsibility?

“Yes, I would think that may cause a problem.” Was that a quirk of a smile on Chakwas’ lips as she shook her head. “Please remove your shirt and binder and I can get started fixing your ribs.”

That made the man make a face almost jokingly as he struggled to sit up. “Come on, you know I only wear sports bras when I have the armor on, binders and active duty are a no-go.”

Besides, he was usually in armor for more than 8 hours, and binders kind of had a time limit.

At any rate, Alistair winced as he managed to peel off his shirt and the aforementioned sports bra. Topless, he lay back down, resisting the urge to glare at his chest as he did. Damn thing always caused him problems, even if he didn’t facture in the dysphoria.

“As always, stay still while it’s working and try not to jump up when they pop back into place.” Beside him, the good doctor was setting up the program. “It should take about an hour due to the fact one is cracked in two places.”

Two places – that was a multiplier. He was definitely ahead now.

Alistair nodded as he laid back, closing his eyes to block out the lights from the lab. Nobody would be coming in – he was the only idiot who got hurt on missions on a regular basis. So he had nothing to do but just listen to machines beep as they fixed his ribs.

At least until he heard someone settle in to his left.

“How many did you break this time?” Bo sounded almost amused as she ripped open her bag of chicken nuggets to replenish her energy after using her biotics. “Joker’s sulking in the cockpit because he thinks you beat him.”

He would’ve shrugged – but again, couldn’t move. “I got a double break multiplier, so… add 6 to my total.”

His adoptive sister let out a low whistle before she commenced the KT carnage on her dinosaur shaped nuggets. “You’re ahead by 3. We’ll be lucky if he doesn’t’ throw himself against the wall to catch up.”

Nah – Joker hated getting his ribs fixed almost as much as Alistair did. Neither of them were exactly looking for intentional breaks. This was more a tally of their bad luck and bad genetics than self-harm.

At least it was for him. He couldn’t speak for Joker, but he was pretty sure he knew the man well enough to figure they were on the same page.

“I’m still amazed you didn’t break more after that guy slammed you into the wall.” Bo was still munching. “You bounced like a superball.”

Alistair winced at the memory – the battlemaster had tossed him like a rag doll. “That makes two of us. I got off lucky with just three ribs.”

“Next time, just dodge the nice toad with the assault rifle.”

Bo’s voice was flat there. She was starting an old argument between them, one that would probably never have much of a conclusion. They were entrenched in their sides to say the least in what was probably the dumbest argument they both refused to let go.

“They don’t look anything like toads.” Alistair shook his head. “Besides, they can tuck into their humps. They’re more like turtles.”

That made his sister snort, as it often did. “Turtles don’t pack heat.”

“Toads aren’t exactly packing biotics either, Bo.”

Another snort. “They might on Tuchanka.”

Yeah, he was pretty sure there were no biotic toads on Tuchanka, partially because he was pretty sure they only existed on Earth and Earth-created settlements. He’d never seen a toad anywhere else – weird alien frogs sure, but not toads.

“When you see an alien toad, you let me know.” He rolled his eyes as he winced. The familiar popping had begun, letting him know that soon he would be shifting into the healing process after the reconstruction.

This was his least favorite part – it made his bones itchy.

“We don’t because they evolved into krogan. Tuchanka made them develop biotics and killer trigger fingers.” Bo sounded so sincere and serious in her spurious assessment of the krogan evolutionary process that he almost believed it for a second.

He would’ve said more, but a heavy footstep entered the room.

“Shepard, the turian said you would be in here.” Wrex sounded impatient. “How long are you going to lie there?”

Thank the Lord he hadn’t showed up earlier…

At the same time, Alistair blushed at the thought the krogan was seeing him without his shirt on. He doubted Wrex cared – no gender in his species had breasts after all – but it was still embarrassing to be caught with his shirt off.

“He’s got three ribs to heal, Wrex.” Bo was digging into her bag of nuggets. “The big guy bounced him against a wall.”

“You’re lucky he didn’t shatter your bones.” Wrex didn’t sound impressed. “When does this finish?”

Oh… judging by how itchy his ribs were… probably about 15 minutes.

At least he managed to open an eye. Just like he thought, Wrex wasn’t impressed at the sight of the Normandy’s commanding officer flat on his ass in the med bay. At least he wasn’t staring – though that might be due to species difference.

“We’re halfway through. I can’t move until then.” He winced as his rib popped into place. “Did you have a chance to check the armor we brought back?”

Might as well have the meeting here… with his tits out… life or death required sacrifices sometimes.

At least that seemed to satisfy the krogan. “He was from a small clan, one of their few Battlemasters. Now that he’s a smear on the wall, they’ll fold.”

He nodded to Bo. “The headbutt wasn’t bad, Shepard.”

Bo beamed as she finished off her nuggets. “Just needs a bit more work and I’ll be knocking you guys on your asses in no time.”

Right, that was just what they needed – a krogan in human form. He would’ve groaned, but that would have just hurt his healing ribs. Instead, Alistair just mentally sighed and hoped she didn’t break her neck.

Maybe he would order her a stronger helmet or neck protection… she didn’t have a krogan’s hump after all.

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” There was a hint of challenge there – Wrex probably wanted to face off with her. If he didn’t know his sister was a lesbian, he would’ve wondered if there was something other than battle love between them.

Thank the Lord – he wouldn’t want to walk in on that.

“Also, what’s a toad?”

Oh, fuck.

Alistair felt his face color as he realized he perhaps hadn’t gotten as lucky as he thought with their conversation. He would’ve apologized immediately, but a large pop caused him to yelp with pain. He saw stars for a moment – healing took no prisoners.

“It’s a type of…” Bo turned to him. “Is a toad a frog, or is it its own thing?”

Through his teeth, he managed to grumble. “Sub-class of frog. One on land, one on water.”

He had needed to look that up two years prior for this very argument, so it came to him easily. He would’ve said more, but… oww.

“Is it vicious?” Wrex sounded interested. “Some of you humans keep calling me a toad when they think I can’t hear them. I might as well know what it is before I start cracking skulls.”

Fuck, he was going to need to talk to the crew if it was happening on the Normandy… but that would come after he was able to put his shirt on.

“You can get high if you lick some of them.” Bo had looked that up too. “Some get big as fuck too, I saw one the size of a dog once on deployment.”

Wrex snorted. “You humans compare everything to those ‘dog’ things.”

True – there was even a TV show about it that was popular on the Citadel. Alistair didn’t exactly watch it – he had the unfair advantage of knowing what a dog was after all – but he had watched in when he had worked at the nursing home in his late teens.

“We got a lot of them, what can I say.” Bo snickered. “And if Al was up to it, he’d probably be telling you he’ll talk to the crew so you don’t have to break any skulls.”

“But that’s the best part.” Wrex almost sounded disappointed. “Can’t we space him and make you the CO?”

Gee, didn’t he feel the love… then again, Bo and Wrex got along well with such a short amount of time. Maybe it was only natural that he would prefer his favorite Shepard to get the top position on the Normandy.

“Fuck no, I don’t want the responsibility or the paperwork.”

In the end, that was what it had come down to – Bo balking at the amount of paperwork she would have to do. Well, that and Anderson recommending him. He would’ve taken the responsibility either way, but still.

“Yeah, I guess he’s got his purpose.” Wrex looked bored as he stood. “Once you can sit up, we have more to discuss, Shepard.”

Alistair resisted the urge to nod as he felt the program reach its final course. “I’ll see you soon, Wrex.”

And then the krogan was gone, leaving him with itchy ribs and a clearly pleased sister. She was unbearable smug in that moment as she leaned over, arm on her knee and her head in her chin like she had just won an award.

“See? I’m not alone with the toad thing.”

He had to resist the urge to groan. “You’re ridiculous.”

“And you’re a sore loser.”

No, he was just sore thank you very much. At least once he was healed he could put his shirt back on and ignore this argument ever existed. It be back to work chasing Saren and the geth in the hopes of saving the galaxy, krogan included.

…

And if you asked him, they were all insane. Krogans clearly looked more like turtles or tortoises. His crew was fucking blind. Maybe he should ask Chakwas to administer vision tests…

#writober 2023 #ramblinganthropologist's writing #Alistair Shepard #Bo Peep Shepard #Wrex heard the entire argument he just doesn't care

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