Haha what if i slipped and fell and spilled out a bit of a fic I'm working on
"Why will you not let me in?!" Hannah cries," I was- I am your best friend, and yet you refuse to tell me anything!"
Sparrows response is cool, and sharp, said without her even bothering to look towards her,
"I've never been known for my gabbing"
It makes her all the more enraged.
"You tell Reaver," she sneers,"You've known me longer, you have seen every side of me and yet Reaver, who betrayed you the first chance he had, is told everything. Why is that?"
The other does respond at first, but Hannah can all but see the rage stirring beneath her skin. In the way she clenches the map table and her shoulders rise.
She should stop, before she lashes out, she should stop before their already in shambles relationship falls apart entirely.
She doesn't.
"I can't imagine what he can do for you that makes him more worthy of your secrets than me. That-"
"He has been here!" Sparrow finally spits, "You left, abandoned me without a second thought, and weren't back for years, not at the birth of my son, not at my coronation, not at anything I ever asked you to come for. Reaver came to me, and he has stayed, on the rare occasion he leaves he always returns to me before any other."
"He came back for that damn seal and you know it."
"That doesn't change that he came back."
The vitriol, the near hatred in her friends voice is heavy, and it hurts. In all their letters, even the most stilted of them, Sparrow had never let on the extent of her hurt. Hannah had always assumed if was surface level, easily scraped away, that once she was ready the other would welcome her with open arms.
She had been entirely wrong.
Sparrow, as quiet as she has always been, has more salt to rub in the wound.
"I have moved on Hannah. I have changed, I have Reaver, Walter, and Logan. An entire kingdom the relies on me, I have so many that matter to me now. But I do not have you, at least not as I did. We are not the same as before. I may have seen every side of you, but that was...before," before she left before she became queen before Lucien fell and they became different, "Even through letters I do not know you, and I know you do not know me."
And it hurts, oh how it hurts to hear the one person she has always considered hers, no matter what, no longer considers the same.
And it is her fault. Shes the one who left, knowing full well it would hurt Sparrow, and for the first two years she didn't even write so concerned with herself. She's the one who pretended everything was fine when she did decide to let Sparrow back in.
She takes a breath, tries to force the emotions back in.
Because she cannot afford to keep lashing out, to push the other farther away than she already has.
Because while she didn't say it its implied, Sparrow does not need her, but by the light does she hope she wants her, because she does need her, she does want her.
"I want to know you, I want you to know me," she says placing a hand on her shoulder, and Sparrow melts just a bit but enough for her to notice, "Please, give me a chance."
For a moment they just stand there, looking at each other, really looking at each other for the first time in so long. They're older than before, Sparrow more burdened and scarred, the will lines on her skin are brighter than they used to be, Hannah no longer Hammer, softer than she's been in decades, no longer carrying the guilt and resentment she did for so long.
Sparrow is right.They're not the same as before. They are no longer the hero of fates and the hero of strength. They're so much more than that, their stories are more than that.
Finally she sighs.
"Alright."
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Thinking about how after her father died Hammer adopts her name, despite previously saying how much she disliked it, and essentially objectifies herself in doing so.
Becaue that's why she doesn't want to be called Hammer, she's Hannah, its her name, it's a common name and brimming with personhood, and she is a person.
A Hammer is an object, its used to fix things, though it can just as well be used to destroy, and you do need to put strength behind your swings. She’s called that because shs strong and she doesn't like, doesn't find it funny, tells Sparrow as much when they meet.
And then her father dies, and Hammer makes her vow to get revenge, to essentially "fix it" to the best of her ability. When Theresa shows up and uses her name, she says "Call me Hammer". She rejects her personhood, and lets herself be used as a tool. She destroys when necessary, such as with the gate in bandit coasr, but her ultimate goal is to fix. To fix herself in the wake of her fathers death, to fix Lilith by reuniting her with her son, to fix Albion.
But its a naive view really. Albion isn't really "fixed" its just not on the edge of destruction. Lilith never had a son, she was just leading them into a trap. She can't change the fact that her fathers dead by becoming a weapon.
Thats why she leaves, and it hurts because Hammers the one we've spent the most one on one time with, but Hammer needs to finally take care of herself. She needs to stop being Hammer, and start being Hannah.
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