#gwainthian

[lit-in-thy-heart]

fighting fate with our fists

Rating: Gen

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: Other

Relationships: Gwaine/Mithian        

Characters: Gwaine, Mithian

Additional Tags: Long-Distance Relationship, Established Relationship, Kissing, Making Out, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Gwaine, Injury, Gift Giving, they/them mithian, because fight me, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Sort Of, yes i am back after nine months, and this is apparently the baby that has arrived, Not Beta Read, not even edited lbr, but that's never bothered me before with fics so, here marks the beginning of my gwaine/mithian conquest, prose heavy, Very little dialogue, You Have Been Warned            

Words: 4,121

Chapters: 1/1

Summary: Gwaine and Mithian have a rendezvous on the shores of Gedref.

Opening:

Mithian was already shielding their body against the wind with their arms when Gwaine reached the cliffs. Like ribbons on a wishing tree, their hair fluttered violently behind them and their fingers ran up and down their upper arms, clothed only in a translucent shirt. Despite his own fingers already reaching out in anticipation of greeting Mithian’s skin, Gwaine remained still, drinking in their form for a little longer.

It had been too long since they had last seen each other, too long since he had heard their husky tones falling into the pillow, too long since their fingertips had fumbled beneath his layers of heavy armour and dusted his muscles with a cool touch. Gwaine had started to forget the way that the tendons in Mithian’s neck breathed when they lifted their chin – like they were doing now, absorbing the dappled sunlight – and had been struggling to hold on to the memory of his hands on their waist, thumbs stretching down to settle on their hips.

Read on ao3

#partially inspired by the distinct lack of gwainthian on ao3 #with 10 works in the tag you wouldn't think i would be picky but guess what you thought wrong #yeah i'm not sure what else to say about it really #there's yearning #and sadness #so it's a bunch of fun :D #gwaine #mithian #gwainthian #bbc merlin #merlin fanfic #lit writes

[lit-in-thy-heart]

one fic completed for merwaincelot week :D

#completed apart from a title but shhhh #telling myself that it's alright if i don't write anything new and just organise my active wips today #got 4 more that i would love to finish in time to post for the fest #one is a nearly complete first draft and another is close to similar completion in theory but has more plot that needs tying up #another is probably 1/8 of the way through #and the final is a bit of a mess #going away for a week and coming back 4 days before the start of merwaincelot week and being like ahhhhHHH #however #i am taking a notebook and printouts of what i have so far #with the intention to finish as many first drafts when i'm away and then edit like mad when i get home #failing that if i submit them late then i submit them late can't do much more than that #bought a new notebook in wilko yesterday specifically for fic :') #anyway one down four to go #(not including my gwainthian wip and ineffable bureaucracy fic idea that i should also probably write this week for the upcoming fest) #lit talks #lit writes #merwaincelotweek2023

[lit-in-thy-heart]

oh no we have another fic idea when i haven't even finished the elyaine maan au or the fic with @donttouchtheneednoggle help

#basically all the shit with netflix's persuasion has got me thinking of an au with gwaine and mithian #but them being in a qpr or wanting to be #rodor is obviously not like sir walter so there would be changes #but the cogs are whirring #i know witchmd13 started a wonderful merthur persuasion au #and that also got me thinking #but you know #one classics au at a time methinks #gwainthian persuasion au #lit talks

[lit-in-thy-heart]

Gwaine gave Mithian a sharp poke. 'Come on. Spill the beans.'

Mithian expertly hid their expression behind the rim of her mug. 'What beans?' she innocently asked.

'You only meet up with just me if you have some kind of crisis and don't want to bother other people. And you've ordered decaf, so you're worrying about something.' They gave Mithian another poke. 'Mith, you know you can rant at me any time you like. You don't need to carefully introduce it, you can just take a deep breath and pour out your soul.'

Mithian took a deep breath. 'I feel like an imposter.'

Gwaine took a sip of his coffee. 'Yeah, hon, you're going to have to get more specific. In what area of life? And "all" is not an answer.'

Mumbling something into their drink, Mithian avoided their eye. When Gwaine merely raised an eyebrow at her, they cleared their throat. 'Gender identity.'

'Ooh, my speciality.' Gwaine gently covered her wrist. 'Go on. What is it?'

'It's difficult...to explain,' Mithian slowly began. 'It's like I know that I like being referred to as "they". I know I like it when you call me by my nickname. I know I hate being called a lady, and usually a girl, but I don't know. I don't mind using women's bathrooms, and I either don't think about my gender at all or feel feminine and therefore I'm basically a woman anyway--'

'Just because you feel feminine doesn't necessarily mean that you're a woman,' Gwaine cut in. 'And you've said before about being demi, right? So it makes sense that sometimes you might feel like you're a woman as well. I know there are some days when I feel like a man, and am happy to be perceived as such, and other days when I just wish people would see the outfit I worked so hard to put together and not what they think lies underneath.' They hesitated. 'Have you spoken to Gwen about it at all?'

Mithian fell back in their chair. 'No,' she softly replied. 'I know that they really don't like being perceived as a woman in any way and she seems so sure of who they are...'

'They'll be more than willing to listen, you know she will.'

'I know,' Mithian whispered. 'I just...What if I'm pretending? What if it is only because I know so many people who aren't cis?'

Gwaine entwined his fingers with hers. 'Doesn't mean you can't mess around with pronouns. But you'd know if you were pretending, Mith. It takes energy to put on a mask and be something you're not. You'd know.'

Closing their eyes, Mithian took another deep breath. 'Yeah. I know. I just thought I had it all figured out but I've just been noticing my feelings and stuff more than usual and the crises won't leave me alone.' She exhaled through her nose. 'I hate this. I just want answers.'

Gwaine rested their forehead against theirs. 'I know, hon. Unfortunately I can't give you answers. But I can give you brownie, if you'd like, and an attentive ear.'

Mithian opened her eyes and shot Gwaine a fleeting smile. They looked exhausted, like their coat had been carrying the weight of the world and not the rain, and Gwaine could see she was trying. 'Thank you.'

Pressing his lip to her forehead, Gwaine smiled. 'Any time, Mith.'

#so i still might write a longer fic based around this scene #but i needed to get this one out #i don't know why i'm on such a mithiwaine...gwainthian? kick recently #actually yes i do it's bc of tendrils and thorns #gwaine #mithian #gwainthian #mithigwaine #mithiwaine #...other ship names #merlin #bbc merlin #merlin fanfic #lit writes

[lit-in-thy-heart]

'I just want to scream sometimes,' Mith said, now on their third brownie and draped across Gwaine’s lap on his sofa. 'It's like I don't know what it is that isn't right, but I know something isn't right, you know?'

Gwaine, on their third packet of Skips, licked his fingers. 'Yeah. And it's only when someone says something that makes you hesitate that you realise that's the thing that isn't right.'

'Exactly!' Mith sat up a little straighter and reached into Gwaine’s crisp packet. 'It's like Lance referred to me as a woman the other day and I didn't say anything but I was internally thinking "yeah, I'm not so sure".' Their head fell forward, sending a waterfall of hair cascading across her face. 'I don't know. It doesn't help that I feel like half a person at times because I feel so disconnected from my own sense of identity.' A long groan issued forth. 'I'm sorry.'

Tucking their hair behind her ear, Gwaine offered Mith the crisps again. 'No, it's okay. You're not half a person, though, hon. Your gender identity is just one aspect of you, it's not your whole being. I'm sure if you told Lancelot about not wanting to be referred to as a woman then he'd understand. He loves you.'

'It's hard,' she whispered, eyes closed. 'It's hard to explain it to him when I can't even explain it to myself. It fluctuates, too, sometimes, which is really frustrating. Every time I think I'm close to getting somewhere, it just slips away from me.'

'You're not half a person, though, Mith, don't ever think that.'

Mith fell against their shoulder. 'I'll try. I just...' They let out a sigh. 'I'm too tired for this. I don't have the energy to question everything. But then I can't stop thinking about it. Have you got another brownie to stuff in my mouth to shut me up?'

Gwaine kissed their forehead. 'I know, hon, I know. It can get exhausting, going round in circles.' They hesitated. 'I don't want you to shut up, but I have got another brownie if you would like one.'

'If that's okay,' Mith whispered.

'Of course,' replied Gwaine, kissing her forehead again. 'Want to watch some Mystery Incorporated?'

'Absolutely.' Mith opened their eyes with a faint smile. 'Thank you for letting me rant, love.'

'Any time,' murmured Gwaine, stroking their hair. 'Any time.'

#correct i am still on my...gwainthian? kick #we really need to settle on a ship name i need to research #mithian #gwaine #gwainthian #gwainthian gender #fuck it let's make that a tag #merlin #bbc merlin #merlin fanfic #lit writes

[lit-in-thy-heart]

me: i'm not sure if i'll be able to complete the december flash bingo because i can't think of anything for the other squares rn

me, literally the next day: i've got one for 'bah humbug'

#sponsored by my morning today #i now just need the time to write it :D #it will be gwainthian #at the very least #and set in the same universe as the gender stuff i've written with them #because that's fun #lit talks

[lit-in-thy-heart]

might fuck around and write a sickfic of how lancethian in the gwainthian gender universe met

#at least i don't feel like i'm going to be sick again atm #knock on wood #but i do not want to move much #i didn't even get to finish my coffee :(( #the one time i don't bring a reusable cup and i didn't want to ask for a takeout cup bc i'd already asked for water #anyway thoughts have been forming #lit talks