#granted i have no friend who've even watched it

[happiest-alligator]

i feel absolutely betrayed and gutted

why did no one tell me about black butler s4????

what is it even about

#granted i have no friend who've even watched it #but still #i expected better #kuroshitsuji #black butler

[ladykailitha]

Grief ( A Friend Indeed) Part 11

Here we finally get the singing love songs at each other, a misunderstanding, and it's resolution. The next chapter is the last one. Thank you all who've come along with me on this journey.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

****

Steve woke up the next morning feeling like the world had been taken off his shoulders for the first time since he ran back into the Byers’ house and throw his lot in with would-be monster killers.

Yeah, the thing with Hopper still hadn’t been resolved and maybe never would be, but he had someone who understood. Eddie understood.

The next few days went without incident. Steve still talked to Robin whenever he could, but now he had someone else to talk to, too. He called Percy as well.

But that was reserved for when Eddie wasn’t around. He wanted to talk to someone about being in an gay relationship. And even without knowing Eddie’s romantic history, there was still no doubt that Percy had way more experience than his friend.

It felt good.

Soon it was their last night in Ashland and they were all at Hal’s Bar. Penny, Danny, Wayne, too. Oliver was watching Gale while everyone else went out.

Granted he had only agreed to babysit if Penny and Danny bought him a Nintendo system for his birthday, but it was still nice.

Danny got up and sang Donovan’s Sunshine Superman to Penny, who laughed.

“I’ll tell you right now,” Danny sang, “Any trick in the book now, baby, all that I can find!”

Steve laughed along with her but he couldn’t help but think of Eddie when he heard the lyrics “A you-you-you can just sit there a-thinking on your velvet throne, Bout all the rainbows a-you can a-have for your own, when you make your mind up forever to be mine!”

That silly little throne he insisted on having at every D&D game, that finally Steve got Dustin and Lucas to help him steal it from the drama department when Eddie graduated and install it in Steve’s basement so that he could continue to be King of the Freaks.

Eddie had nearly cried when he saw it. As far as graduation presents go, it really couldn’t be topped.

Steve shared a glance with Eddie who blushed. And maybe they were thinking of the same thing.

They even got Wayne up there to sing House of the Rising Sun.

Steve nudged Eddie with his elbow. “And you said he couldn’t carry a tune. I think he did a bang up job with that one,” he teased.

Eddie grumbled something about hiding talents under bushes or some such shit.

Steve got up and sang “Head Over Heels”.

Just belted his heart out.

*

Eddie and Lauren were sitting there sipping their drinks, Hal, having gave Eddie a bottle of beer since his birthday was so close and Lauren sipping on her Dr Pepper.

“So did you hear that Steve turned down Beth of all people?” Lauren said with derision.

Eddie smiled around his beer. “Oh yeah, but Steve was never gonna tap that, even under more ideal circumstances than attending a funeral.”

“Yeah, why’s that?” she asked.

“His type is leggy brunettes with soulful eyes and curly brown hair,” he said with a smirk.

Lauren turned to Eddie in shock. “So he really would have changed the pronouns that first night if he hadn’t thought that the crowd would shank him outside the bar after.”

“Yup!”

“Holy shit!” She downed the rest of her soda. “Which means the person he has chance with...”

“Is from home, but not at home at the moment?” he teased. “Oh yeah. No doubt he was talking about me.”

“Wait,” Lauren hissed. “How did you know that’s what he said?”

“I may have overheard the conversation on my way to the bathroom,” he admitted with a wince.

She smacked his arm. “You sly dog! You’ve known this whole time and didn’t tell me!”

“It wasn’t my place to tell,” Eddie defended. “He hasn’t even told me she was the reason he wanted to get out of town in the first place.”

She eyed him warily. “Fine.” Lauren crossed her arms over her chest.

“Fine?” he asked, unsure.

“Yeah, it sucks,” she said. “But I get it.”

She looked up at Steve who was finishing the song. “That song is also about you.”

“In my mind’s eye, one little boy, one little man. Funny how time flies,” Steve crooned.

Eddie grinned. “Yeah, I know that too.”

“Go get ‘em, tiger,” Lauren said.

Eddie got up and gave Steve a hug as they passed each other. Hal had already hooked up the amp so Eddie could play.

He grabbed the guitar and put the strap over his shoulder. “Hey, guys! I have one more song for you before I go back to Indiana.”

“Mh-hm-hmm, yeah, yeah,” Eddie began. “Holy Diver. You’ve been down too long in the midnight sea. Oh what’s be coming of me?”

Steve blushed.

Lauren tilted her head to look at him and then back at Eddie on stage. There was something about the song Eddie was singing that got Steve embarrassed.

Well, maybe that wasn’t the right word. Flustered? That might be closer to the mark.

“Holy diver!” Eddie continued to sing. “You’re the star of the masquerade. No need to look afraid!”

A few minutes later the song was over with and was absolutely star struck.

When Eddie loped back over to their table Steve said, “Dude, you really should be famous for your playing.”

Eddie grinned. “But not my singing, right?”

Steve pushed him playfully. “For that too, drama queen.”

Eddie cackled and sat back down.

Steve watched as other patrons got up and sang too. None were as good as Eddie. But then he was pretty sure he was bias.

Eddie walked out with Steve and Lauren at ten despite being told he was welcome to stay.

“So what’s the deal with Wayne and Hal?” Steve asked. “They spent the whole night huddled in that corner booth.”

Eddie laughed. “Hal and Wayne go way back. Since Uncle Danny and Aunt Penny got married. They’ve been inseparable.”

Steve just hummed.

Lauren looked at him. “What’s up?”

Steve scratched his cheek. “It’s just that if either of them had been a woman, it would have looked they were trying to change their last name.”

Lauren and Eddie frowned unsure of what he meant but Lauren caught on first.

“You thought they were flirting?” she gasped.

Steve shrugged. “One of my uncles is gay and if I hadn’t seen them act the same way as Wayne and Hal...”

Eddie stopped in his tracks and then burst out laughing.

“That sly dog!” Eddie crowed. “That’s what he meant when he said that he understood me better than I thought he did when I came out to him when I was sixteen.”

Lauren’s eyes went wide. “I have two gay uncles?”

Steve laughed too. “I didn’t mean to rock your world.”

Lauren looked back at the bar. “I think I know how to get Hal to bend the rules for me.”

Eddie smacked her hand. “No blackmailing Uncle Wayne’s boyfriend. That’s mean.”

Lauren pouted. “Fiiinnnne.” She grinned. “Does that mean I can blackmail Uncle Wayne?”

“No!” Steve protested. “Absolutely not!”

Eddie giggled. “Uh-huh, you got him to use his mom no. You’re in so much trouble now.”

“I do not have a mom no,” Steve protested. “Don’t listen to him he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

Eddie cackled. “It’s the same no you used with Red in her trailer.”

Steve’s jaw dropped. “Well, shit.” He turned to Lauren. “Apparently I have a mom no.”

She laughed.

Steve was really going to miss her. Maybe he could convince her to come out later this summer, too.

*

Eddie was not having a good morning. He couldn’t find his Metallica shirt, tore up the whole room looking for it, only for Wayne to point out he was wearing it.

And then he spilled hot coffee on his pants and to change them.

Then the tarp they were going to use to cover the furniture they got was ripped in three places. So Danny had too take Wayne to buy a new one, because the one he had was too small.

So they were late getting out. The skies were darkening and a huge storm was rolling in.

Cue one very grumpy Eddie.

Steve wasn’t fairing much better but that was more that he wasn’t fully awake yet.

“I’ve got to go with Wayne,” Eddie grumbled. “I see you at the truck station we stopped on the way down, k?”

Steve nodded, his lips pursed. “Got it. See you then.”

Eddie nodded and trudged back to the truck.

Wayne wisely said nothing and they both slid into the cab of the truck.

“Your boy going to find the truck stop okay?” he asked to break the oppressive silence.

“He’s not my boy,” Eddie grumbled. “Not yet anyway.”

They started driving and Wayne looked in the review mirror to make sure Steve was following him.

He frowned. “Is he okay?”

Eddie looked back at the Bimmer and saw that Steve was hitting the steering wheel, waving his arms about and he couldn’t be sure. Not at this distance. But it looked like he was crying.

“Shit!” he cursed. “Stop the truck!”

Wayne slammed on his breaks and Eddie threw open the door and ran back.

About half way to Steve’s car the skies opened up and just pummeled the earth with rain.

Eddie picked up speed and yanked the passenger side door open. He hurried in and slammed the door.

“Eds?” Steve croaked confirming the crying as easily as the tears on his face. “What–how–I mean...”

Eddie grabbed his face and gently wiped away his tears. “You seem to be laboring under some misconceptions out here. So I’m going to clue you in.”

Steve blinked. “Huh?”

“One, I have go with Wayne to keep an on the tarp over the heavy furniture,” Eddie explained, hands never leaving Steve’s cheeks. “He needs a second person as a spotter to make sure nothing flies into traffic.”

Steve gulped. “Yeah?”

“Yes,” Eddie said firmly. “Two, I would much rather be in this car with you. Getting to spend this week with you have been amazing because I got to know you better and I loved that. I love just being with you.”

“Oh,” Steve said, his breath stuttering in his chest.

“Yeah, oh,” Eddie said. “And you better listen up to this bit, Steve Harrington, because I’m going to make this a clear to you as I can. I am absolutely head over heels in love you.”

“Oh.”

“So what’s going to happen,” Eddie finished, “is this. I’m going to kiss you senseless, then I’m going to run back to Wayne’s truck in the fucking rain because the weather decided to be a bigger dramatic bitch then I am, and then I will meet you at the truck stop to repeat step one a lot.”

Steve face shivered into something like happiness. It wasn’t a smile, not yet, but Eddie could feel the change of mood.

“That okay with you?” Eddie confirmed.

Steve smiled at last banishing the last of the gloomy thoughts. “Yeah.”

“Good,” Eddie said and proceeded to kiss Steve senseless.

“Wow,” Steve murmured when they broke of the kiss.

Eddie cackled. “Back 'atcha, Stevie.”

“You better get back to Wayne, before you flood the cab of his truck because you left your door open.”

Eddie turned in front of him. “Oops! See you, sweetheart!” He kissed Steve’s cheek and was dashing back into the rain, jacket pulled over his head.

He got to the truck and slipped back in. The seat was wet, but so was his pants so it really didn’t fucking matter at that point.

“So you still wanna argue he’s not your boy?” Wayne asked with a smile.

“Nope.” Eddie just crossed his arms and hunkered down on the bench.

“You not going to tell me about what just happened?”

Eddie looked at him, grinning from ear to ear. “I don’t kiss and tell.”

Wayne shook his head and started driving again. This time Steve immediately followed.

****

Pt 12

Tag List: @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @artiststarme @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @pyrohonk ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @chaoticlovingdreamer @messrs-weasley @goodolefashionedloverboi @maya-custodios-dionach @val-from-lawrence @i-must-potato @danili666 @carlyv @rozzieroos @emly03 @wonderland-girl143-blog @justforthedead89 @bookworm0690 @itsall-taken @bookbinderbitch @redfreckledwolf @vecnuthy @littlewildflowerkitten @scheodingers-muppet @mira-jadeamethyst @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @gutterflower77 @genderless-spoon @hel-spawn @ellietheasexylibrarian @anne-bennett-cosplayer @mamafaithful @yikes-a-bee @dragonmama76 @flaming-reauxster @r0binscript @awkotaco24 @ilikeititspretty

#my writing #stranger things #steddie #ladykailtiha writes #minor character death #dealing with grief

[animebw]

Re-Watching: Kimi ni Todoke Season 2

In which my opinion has flipped so completely on its head that I'm un-retiring for a single post to talk about it.

Return of the King

It's been almost two years since I've made a post like this.

For those of you who've only joined me after my semi-retirement on the tail end of 2021, The Anime Binge-Watcher used to be one of the most extensive anime analysis projects I've ever seen in Western fandom. I would consume anime at ridiculous rates and blog my thoughts in chunks of 3 or 4 episodes, piecing together all my observations and opinions in nice structured paragraphs like the ones you're reading now. In my glory days, I could get through two, three, even four posts a day. Heck, when I first watched Kimi ni Todoke five years ago, I tore through all twelve episodes of season 2 in a single day, writing no less than five separate analyses of my developing thoughts along the way. My long-term readers can attest to what a wild and wonderful journey it was, and even though I've since transitioned into a much looser and low-key blogging style, I still miss those days when I could spill countless words about the countless stories I consumed.

But of course, life moves on, and there was only so long I could dedicate that much of my free time to a hobby when real life was knocking at the door. I started this project as a college freshman with way too much free time on his hands; I'm an actual adult now, overseas job and everything. Not to mention all the other hobbies and creative pursuits taking up my attention. I just don't have enough time anymore to spend on truly in-depth analytical writing like I used to. And that's okay; the three-and-a-half years I dedicated to The Anime Binge-Watcher in its true form were more than enough to say everything I needed to about this medium and my relationship to it. This project is as complete as it could ever meaningfully be. So while I certainly miss those days, I'm more than happy to let this be my casual anime watching blog from now on.

But I'm making an exception today.

Because re-watching the second season of Kimi ni Todoke has so thoroughly upended my opinion on it that I have no choice but break my thoughts down just as extensively and in-depth as I used to do on a regular basis to explain why.

God, it's so fucking good to be back.

Sympathy for the Devil

So, since it's been... god, it really has been half a decade at this point, huh? Since it's been five years since I first watched and blogged about Kimi ni Todoke, here's a quick rundown of my thoughts for the countless among you who weren't around for it: I fucking love this show so much. Not only is it one of the most achingly sweet shoujo rom-coms out there, but the protagonist Sawako Kuronoma so perfectly captures my experience of teenage awkwardness and uncertainty that I swear the author was taking notes from my life. It's a story about growing up on the spectrum, whether it realizes it or not, about the difficulty of communication when you can't grasp the norms everyone else takes for granted. But it's also about how those seeming walls between you and everyone else barely exist at all, and as long as you have the courage to reach out, you'll forge connections wherever you go. It's a feel-good masterpiece the likes of which we so rarely see, and I recommend it to anyone with even a passing interest in anime.

And when I first watched the second season all those years ago, I absolutely hated it.

Okay, to be clear, what I hated was the first half of season 2. I hated the miscommunications, I hated the contrived misunderstandings, I hated how the very fabric of the show seemed to be conspiring to force Kazehaya and Sawako apart. By the time we reached the point where they both confess to each other and yet somehow think the other only means "I like you" as a friend, I wanted to rip my hair out of my skull. Mercifully, the second half won me back by finally letting them get together as a couple and indulge in adorable puppy love awkwardness so mind-numbingly sweet I needed an industrial warehouse full of epi pens to make it through unscathed. And I'm not exaggerating, god the final stretch here is some of the cutest shit I've ever seen. But it was really rough going to reach that point through what felt like the absolute nadir of forced misunderstanding plotlines. Nothing but contrivance after contrivance piled on top of each other to force the couple apart long past the point they should have gotten together for the sake of dragging out the will-they-won't-they as long as it could possibly be milked.

And yet, as I got to re-watching this show in preparation for its shockingly announced third season (my excitement is through the goddamn room), dreading the moment I reached season 2 and would have to suffer through this bullshit again, something truly remarkable happened when I finally reached this point: I didn't hate it.

And then something even more remarkable happened: I started to like it.

And then something truly impossible happened: by the time it was over, I couldn't imagine this show without this arc anymore.

Readers, I have never turned around on a show like this. I've had shows I disliked but softened on as time went by, sure, shows I liked but came to love more and more as they lingered in my mind. But this is the first time I've returned to a story arc I actually hated only to end up loving it by the end. And that's the reason I'm returning to my old in-depth analysis blogging to talk about it. Because there's no way to discuss the 180 I've done on Kimi ni Todoke season 2 without breaking it down in as much detail as humanly possible. I don't just want to write a couple paragraphs and be done with it: I want to memorialize this moment. I want to really, truly express why I came around on this arc and why I think it's so meaningful now. Because there's a real conversation to be had here about the the power of storytelling in general and the power of this story in particular. And for a show that's meant so much to me for so long, I can't think of any other way to do it justice.

So let's dive in. Because good god there's a lot to talk about.

Right on Time

So the first question I want to ask right off the bat is: was I wrong to hate this arc the first time around?

Well, I'm not gonna tell you it's free of contrivance. Kazehaya and Sawako's building misunderstanding requires so many different people to misinterpret so many different things in so many carefully staged situations. Not just the lovebirds themselves, but Kent's ill-informed meddling, Kurumi's intentional sabotage, and especially Chizuru's completely oblivious worsening of Kazehaya's insecurities at a critical moment. And that dual-misinterpreted confession scene is still some buuuuuuuuullshiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. There's a reason this arc gets so much shit from me and others; you can practically taste the hand of the author as it shoves all the pieces around to keep this misunderstanding growing well past the point someone should have realized things were getting out of control and stepped in to clear the air. And when you're as anxious as me for these two dorks to just ask each other out already, it's hard to see this as anything but cheap, forced drama from an author desperately trying to stave off the inevitable.

But here's the thing: what if there's an actual point being made here?

See, this arc is such a frustrating experience your first time through that it kind of shuts down any attempts to analyze it on a deeper level. You're so pissed off at being denied the confession that's dangling right in front of your face that you write off the whole thing as nothing but empty delay tactics. And yet, Kazehaya and Sawako get together literally right after this. If this was just a case of dragging out the will-they-won't-they, this misunderstanding would have lasted much longer and done much more damage. But no! They confess properly, they clear everything up, and they're officially going out mere episodes after you're left fuming at their double misinterpretation of each other's "I like you." So while it feels like nothing more than cheap delay tactics in the moment, a full view of the story's trajectory rejects that theory pretty firmly.

And that's the big thing that changed in this re-watch: I already knew this wasn't going to last. This wasn't going to force them apart forever, it was going to get fixed, I didn't have to worry about this relationship I loved so much getting screwed over by coincidence. And without that worry of endless delays, I was able to do what I couldn't my first time through: actually think about what this arc was trying to say. What was the point being made by this part of the story? What was it trying to communicate about Sawako and Kazeyaha's relationship by putting them through the wringer? Was there, in fact, a reason things needed to play out this way?

And believe it or not, the answer turned out to be yes.

End of the Fairy Tale

Sawako and Kazehaya's relationship starts like something out of a fairy tale. Sawako, the lonely rejected girl who can't connect with people and scares off everyone she tries to get close to. Kazehaya, the ever-cheerful prince who sees her plight and reaches out a hand to pull her into the light. And with his endless support and supportive charm, she's able to find her place in the world with friends who love her and a handsome admirer who will always stand by her side. It's every lonely girl's romantic fantasy brought to life in dazzling colors, fully earned by how human the characters feel and how well-realized their growth is. Small wonder we all got so swept up in it we fully bought into the fantasy ourselves.

But people aren't princes and princesses. We're not perfect fairy tale archetypes. We're people; flawed, imperfect people who make mistakes and don't always see things clearly. And as impatient as I was for Kazehaya and Sawako to just get together already, what re-watching season 2 made me realize is that as of season 1, they were not yet in a place where getting together would be a good idea. Season 2 isn't delaying for the sake of delaying, it's holding up a spotlight to these lovebirds' biggest flaws and pointing out that if they don't find a way to overcome these weaknesses, any relationship they start is doomed to failure. It's pulling the curtain down on the fairy tale and forcing you to realize that this sparkly, shiny portrait of two young lovers actually has some deeply unhealthy undercurrents that would shatter their attempts at a happy life together if left untreated. And all the drama and misunderstandings that spring up as a result of those undercurrents are what force Kazehaya and Sawako to truly confront those issues head-on, move past them, and grow into stronger, more self-assured people who can actually be with each other without messing it all up.

Girl in the Gutter

To start with Sawako, because she's much simpler to understand, her problem is the same problem she's had from the start: a complete lack of confidence in herself. As much progress as she's made, she still sees herself as inferior to the people she loves, someone who has to earn their affection by proving she's worthy of it. A life lived isolated from her peers has left her incapable of seeing herself as part of them; they're all so much smarter and kinder and braver than her. How can she consider herself their equal when they're clearly not? And because of that inferiority complex, she's completely incapable of considering the fact that other people might care about her just as passionately as she cares about them. Not just Kazehaya, but Yano and Yoshida as well. She can't picture a world where the people she loves return that love with no caveats or expectations; how can she, when he doesn't consider herself on equal footing with them?

And in Yoshida's beautiful rant to Sawako in episode 6, we see just how painful it is to be on the opposite end of that self-loathing. Sawako isn't just hurting herself by putting herself down, she's hurting everyone who loves her by implying their love is, in some way, untrue. Imagine how it must feel to care so deeply for someone, to devote so much of yourself to them because they mean the world to you, only for them to assume you can't possibly care that much because they don't deserve it. It's legitimately gut-wrenching. And if Sawako had tried to start a relationship with Kazehaya still under that impression, it would've been a disaster. She would've spent the whole time thinking he was just doing her a favor, being nice and helpful like always, hating herself for forcing him to become someone he didn't want to be just for her sake. And Kazehaya would've spent the whole time hurt and frustrated that she would think so little of the feelings he's cultivated for so long. They would've lasted a couple months at most, and it's a genuine question whether they'd even be able to talk to each other anymore when it was over.

In short, Sawako could never be in a healthy relationship with Kazehaya, or anyone, really, until she finally got it through her thick skull that she is exactly as worthy of love as the people around her. Only after Yoshida's rant does she finally realize how much she's been putting everyone else on a pedestal, that the only one who considers her lesser is, well, herself. Kazehaya is no god, Yano and Yoshida are no angels; they're people exactly the same as her, flaws and fears and wants and all. And there is nothing Sawako can give them that she doesn't deserve back from them in return. Then, at last, she's able to truly accept that Kazehaya might love her just as she loves him- and more importantly, accept that it's okay for someone like her to be a part of his life. Because this glittering boy who seemed to stand so far above her was, in the end, just as normal as her. And if someone as wonderful as him was just an ordinary person like any other... than maybe she could be just as wonderful.

Boy on a Pedestal

And speaking of Kazehaya, something else this re-watch made clear was that I did not understand his character the first time around. I remember being so annoyed my first time through by how much he started waffling on his feelings in season 2 when he seemed to clear-eyed before. You're a sparkly shoujo pretty boy, what business do you have getting all angsty out of nowhere? But going through it again, no, Kazehaya was fully justified in his concerns. His seemingly effortless cheer is just as much a social mask as Kurumi's pretty popular girl shtick; he just does a much better job of turning it on naturally. But underneath that cheery exterior lies a boy who's riddled with sharp edges. He's impulsive, he's quick to anger, he gets jealous easily, and he's got a genuine possessive streak that flares up basically whenever he thinks there's even a chance Sawako might be in the sights of another guy. The boy is as sweet as they come, but there's a real darkness to him that I didn't really pick up on my first time through because that sweetness was so incredibly blinding.

So when they move into their second year classes and Sawako starts forging new connections well outside her comfort zone? Kazehaya feels that darkness gnawing at him stronger than ever, and it scares him. It scares him to think he might lash out and hurt Sawako with the force of his feelings for her. More than that, though, he's scared of the thought that her lack of feelings for him (by his own thoughts) will only make that possibility an eventuality in time. She's making so many friends and finding so many connections beyond him, and as much as he wants to be proud of her, he also feels like he's losing something precious, something that used to be just between him and her. Something that Kent touches on early in the season is that Kazehaya can't leave people alone when he thinks they're in trouble; he swoops in and lends a helping hand because it's the right thing to do. But there's a world of difference between helping someone in trouble and building a life with them. And the more Sawako finds connections outside of him, the more jealous and uncomfortable he becomes... which only makes him all the more concerned that his gestures of kindness were little more than an attempt to bind her to him like a baby chick to its mother.

The fact of the matter is, Kazehaya and Sawako's relationship as of the start of season 2 is incredibly unbalanced. He's essentially been something like a teacher throughout her first awkward high school year as she began to develop her sense of self, and he's been a wonderful guiding light. But because of that, she puts incredible amounts of trust in him... trust that would be painfully easy for a less well-intentioned person to abuse. Sawako thinks so little of herself, and so highly of Kazehaya, that he could probably ask her to do anything and she would do it, no matter what it would mean for her. And because Kazehaya is so aware of his own demons, he's also aware of how easy it would be for his jealousy to spike out of control and hurt her. He's torn between wanting to hold her fast and never let go and wanting her to leave him behind. Wouldn't it be better for her to stop being so dependent on him, to find happiness in a broader community of people? Wouldn't she be happier- safer- if she could carry her happiness as far away from him as possible?

Golden Goose

Of course, the problem with Kazehaya's perspective is that he's making exactly the same false assumption as Sawako; thinking there's no way they'll be able to see eye to eye because he puts her on too high a pedestal. He's so consumed with thoughts of how much he could hurt her that he's incapable of seeing how much good he brings to her life. There's a great moment where Pin calls him out for this kind of selfish thinking; for all his claims of wanting to do the best for her, his own feelings are the only things he's really taking into account. He's so obsessed with his own way of seeing things that he never stopped to consider what Sawako thought of their relationship, never considered that someone as honest and straightforward as her might also have feelings she was too scared to talk about. So while Sawako needed to realize she was just as worthy of love as everyone else, Kazehaya needed to come to terms with the fact that everyone else is just as flawed as him in their own ways. Everyone else has doubts, hidden desires, questions on how to move forward with no easy answers. But just because you can't be sure of everything is no excuse not to try.

On that subject, something else I really came to appreciate on this re-watch is how Kent serves as a foil for Kazehaya. He's essentially the person Kazehaya is afraid of becoming: someone who does good deeds and helps people not out of a genuine love for the people he cares about, but as an ego-boost to fuel his sense of self-importance. Yes, maybe Kent has good intentions, and he certainly did some good for Sawako helping her settle into her new class, but when push came to shove, his sense of self-righteousness won out over his desire to do the right thing, and thanks to his own misinterpretation of Kazehaya's feelings, he meddled in ways that almost drove Sawako and Kazehaya apart for good. He was so convinced his perspective on what was happening was correct that he never stopped to wonder if he was doing more harm than good until he'd almost ruined everything forever. And Kazehaya is so terrified of becoming that kind of person- or the thought that maybe he already is- that he pulls farther and farther away from her rather than try and fix things upright. It's only when he finds the courage to be as honest and straightforward as Sawako, doubts be damned, that he's able to meet her on equal footing, see her clearly for the first time, and embrace the love he was so scared of losing with all his heart.

Hearts Wide Open

And it's that incredible catharsis that officially turned me around on season 2. Seeing that incredible confession scene and all the sugar-bomb adorableness afterwards not as an apology for a season wasted on delay tactics, but the culmination of a genuinely beautiful coming-of-age for both of them, made me realize just how damn important this arc I thought I hated was. Kimi ni Todoke needed to let its characters face their flaws like this. It needed to confront their worst aspects to they could grow beyond them. It's only now that they're truly self-assured people, confident in themselves and each other, that their relationship is able to be so unspeakably, unfathomably delightful. And while there's definitely more than a little narrative railroading to force them into that situation, the payoff is so spectacular than I genuinely don't mind anymore.

So I guess, if you, like me, found yourself groaning throughout Kimi ni Todoke season 2 the first time you watched it, rolling your eyes at the contrivances, yelling at the screen as they kept misunderstanding each other and hating the writers for putting you through such bullshit... give it another look. See it for what it is. I can't promise it'll win you over as fully as it did me, but with the benefit of hindsight, you may just find yourself a new light in what you thought was the darkest corner of the sun.

And with all that said, I'm bumping my season 2 score up from 6.5/10 to:

9/10

God, I'm so fucking happy I decided to rewatch this show. To my old fans, I hope you enjoyed this nostalgic return to form. To my new fans, I hope this was a fun change of pace! If you want to see more writing I've done like this, I've got an enormous backlog of shows I've analyzed like this, so feel free to check them out! And now, let's all wait with fingers crossed that season 3 is just as wonderful as what's come before...

#anime #the anime binge watcher #tabw #kimi ni todoke #from me to you

[slow-burn-sally]

Hiii I have two requests for the kisses ask meme! 1: #9 (War's End) kiss with Major Merlin and 2: #2 (Kiss on the forehead) with Strange/Segundus!

THANK YOU FRIEND

#9 (War's End) kiss with Major Merlin

Grant looks up as the door opens and Jonathan Strange strides into the room. It's been several years since he's seen Strange, can never think of him as anyone other than Merlin, even while those around him keep referring to the man as "the illustrious Mr. Strange" or "His Royal Majesty's Magician". To Grant, he'll always be just Merlin.

Strange is cornered by a pair of old veterans and pulled into a conversation on which canons should be decommissioned. His eyes flick over to Grant, and as their gazes meet, Grant feels that same sparking tug at his core whenever Strange looks at him.

It takes a long while until they can be alone. So many people wish to congratulate Strange on turning the tide against Napoleon, and to awkwardly offer their condolences on the loss of his wife, and whilst Grant has half as many admirers, he is also kept busy in conversation for several hours.

Eventually though, he sees Strange step into the library, and he follows him. No one else is there, and the blessed silence is a welcome balm to Grant's ears, which up until now had been accosted by the constant babble of conversation.

"Hello, Merlin," he says softly.

Strange turns to look at him and a warm smile blooms across his face. "Major Grant!" he exclaims happily. "I had wished to speak to you from the moment I arrived, but alas, fate had other plans."

He strides up to Grant, takes his hand and shakes it in both of his own. The warmth and pressure go straight to Grant's brain and make it break down like an old broken mill wheel.

"I must offer you condolences, Mr. Strange, on the death of your dear wife."

He watches as his words cause a shadow of pain to flit across Strange's face. "Thank you, Major Grant. That is appreciated. Only please call me Merlin. I cannot stand to be spoken to so formally by one I like so very much." His smile has warmed away the pain, and now his boyish charm is back.

Grant wants to kiss him. He knows this in a deep and unassailable part of himself. Has known it ever since he'd first seen the bombastic, clumsy country gentleman with his bouncing dark curls and crooked smile. He wants it so badly in fact that he does it. He leans in and presses his lips to Strange's cheek. This much is allowed, surely, between two men who've shared so much.

"I've missed you," he says into Strange's ear. He pulls away swiftly, but Strange follows him, turns his head and captures Grant's lips with his own. They stand stock still for a moment, lips held together, before parting.

"Merlin, I-"

"That was lovely," Strange says with a sad little smile. "I've wanted that for some time now."

Grant is stunned, but he quickly absorbs the meaning behind Strange's words and joy floods his heart. He smiles. "It was?"

"Yes," Strange steps close, pulls Grant to him by the hips and kisses him again, this time more soundly.

This kiss lingers a bit, and involves several soft little pecks as they slowly begin to separate.

"We should rejoin the party before people begin to talk," Grant says, feeling a small twinge of apprehension.

"You needn't worry about that, my darling," Strange says with a wave of his hand. The noises from the other room, of clinking glasses, loud bursts of laughter, the low murmur of many male voices speaking together, falls instantly silent. "No one will come looking for us now."

"I am continually awed by your skill with magic," Grant says fondly as he pulls Strange back into his arms. "I fear it has enchanted me, Merlin."

#2 (Kiss on the forehead) with Strange/Segundus!

Strange's visit to Starecross Hall is predictably too short. He does not feel the passage of time the same there as he does in other parts of the country. It is a house and an estate that seems to exist outside of time.

His visits to Mr. Segundus had happened more and more frequently in the months after he and Norrell had returned from the darkness. They had much to discuss after all, and Segunudus is always so very happy to see him.

They spend Strange's visits lounging beneath the large apple tree in the garden, discussing magic. On long walks on the moors, discussing magic. In long talks in the library over emptied glasses of port, discussing magic.

It is time for Strange to go, and yet, the sight of Segundus' large, dark eyes as he readies himself for the coach always tug at his heart a little.

The Headmaster of Starecross Hall is in the courtyard currently, clutching a book he wants to lend to Strange in his pale, long fingered hands and muttering distractedly to himself, which he is prone to do when left alone for longer than five minutes stitched together. He looks up as Strange steps out, coat on, hat in hand. Jeremy begins loading his bags onto the coach, and Strange steps up to John Segundus.

"Mr. Segundus, as always, it has been a lovely visit. You've been a warm and entertaining host."

"Thank you, Mr. Strange. Your visits are always gladly anticipated."

Jeremy climbs into the drivers' seat of the coach, along with the footman, and Strange knows their time has truly come to an end. He pulls Segundus by the elbow, back a little ways, out of the other men's line of sight. "I do so adore my visits," he says, his eyes searching Segundus'. His friend is so slender and pale, he needs a good deal more feeding and some time in the sun, and his scholarly paleness and slenderness always make Strange feel fiercely protective. "Goodbye, Mr. Segundus," Strange says softly, then places a lingering kiss to Segundus' smooth, cool brow.

He hears the slightest intake of breath from his friend, surprise at the intimacy of the touch, but then Segundus says "Goodbye Mr. Strange," his voice thick with suppressed emotion, and Strange knows without a shadow of a doubt that his feelings are returned.

They part with one last, lingering look, before Strange enters the coach and closes the door behind him. Segundus tips his hat at Strange, smiles his lovely shy smile, and Strange grins back at him, secure in the knowledge that he will receive more kisses at a later date.

They ride off into the crisp Yorkshire morning, Strange pressing his fingers to his lips and trying to recall the silky feel of Segundus' skin.

#major merlin #strangegundus #jonathan strange #colquhoun grant #john segundus #jonathan strange and mr. norrell #THANK YOU FRIEND #this was so fun! #writing prompt meme

[seroqueldreamer]

Just watched Thor: Love and Thunder.

I'm in awe of all the symbolism. The goats, the formation of Yggdrasil in the kids when they get their weapons and temporary powers granted by Thor, the love Jane has for Thor, literally fucking killing her by accelerating her stage fucking 4 cancer.

I'd also like to talk about Gorr, the God Butcher and the parallels between him and Jane. Gorr loves his daughter, more than life itself. His entire planet was gone. He and his daughter were the sole survivors and he prayed for rain, for food. But his god was arrogant.

If I were in Gorrs shoes, I would've done the same shit. His hate and anger was justified. I can't imagine the pain of losing a child, due to negligence of a person who promised protection, food, water, shelter. And having it be a joke to them. A farce. Gorr was justified. He could've wished to end all Gods. But he didn't, after seeing Jane's love for Thor.

Jane was a woman of science. She was always solving and finding answers. She followed her logic, something indisputable. But when her cancer wasn't getting better, when she wasn't getting better, she started seeking out alternatives. Mjølnir. It offered health, power, a promise and a hope.

When Gorr got the Necrosword, it offered him power, justice, a promise and a hope. It gave him opportunities to kill those who've wronged their peoples. Who neglected them and left them to suffer. He truly saw this as ending their pain and misery. He was doing them a kindness in his eyes. He was helping them. He was offering them alternatives.

Jane kept giving and giving, until she had nothing left to give. Until she needed to take a break. Was forced to take a break. Her cancer was killing her. But she wanted to fulfill one final mission. Save those children. So she did. She did what was right, even at the expense of herself.

Gorr kept having things taken from him. Until there was nothing left to take. Except the grief of his daughter and being a hull of himself. When he was interacting with the children he stole, he was trying to be a dad. Trying to remember. How his voice pitched up, giving a diminutive to a poor creature, "Octy." He was trying to relate to the kids, but couldn't due to the corruption of the Necrosword. His mind was far too warped. He scared the children.

Jane made a promise to Gorr, in Eternity. That his daughter, Love, would be protected by Thor. So as the two lay dying, in the arms of those who loved them most, they were surrounded by love.

Personally, I love how Taika Waititi showed this idea of "Love conquers all." It's a choice every person has to make. It's not a magic spell. It's not some mystifying power. It's people. It's family, friends, partners. It's all of us.

With the temporary power granted to the kids, in the shape of Yggdrasil, it's an acknowledgement that children are the future. They're always going to be learning, discovering, knowing, playing. They continue to learn even when adults refuse to. It's such an amazing moment in the film and definitely my favorite.

I'm glad Thor finally has someone, he's able to reforge a family, after having lost his. If Loki were still alive, they'd be teaching Love all of the magic. All of it. Sharing embarrassing stories with Love about them and Thor. Dressing up as a bride to stabbing Thor disguised as a snake. On several occasions.

TL;DR, I loved this movie. It's great. I'd recommend it.

#thor: love and thunder #midday rambles

[corner-stories]

L, P, T, W and X 😎

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.)

Despite Alan Scott being the GL I've read the most stories about (usually JSA stuff) I actually haven't gone deep into his lore and backstory and such. Heck, in terms of the GA, Flash, and Wildcat trio Jay and Ted have literally been my blorbos since childhood while I never really cared for Alan that much.

That being said, I really think the choice to have him come out as gay opens a whole slew of interesting storytelling possibilities. Like, I'd really really really love a story that explored his life as a closeted gay man living in the 40s and as well as his perspective of the progress made during the post-war era.

Also that scene where Alan comes out to his kids just made my heart so warm :)

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

*rubs hands together*

Ever since I watched the Stargirl show my gremlin brain began thinking of ways Jesse Chambers could be reimagined as a teenage hero and what I got is an AU where Jesse is a teenage runaway roaming America with only super strength and a lil superspeed to protect her.

Like... for the first few years of her life she lives happily under the care of her parents. Johnny and Libby being golden age heroes themselves, they make sure to give Jesse a mostly normal life, even when she begins showing signs of her mother's strength.

But one night when Jesse is eight, the Chambers-Lawrence household is attacked by Baron Blitzkrieg, an enemy Johnny and Libby had made in their superhero days. The couple ultimately meet their end protecting their daughter and the Baron manages to get away with it all.

Jesse grows up in a foster home while not getting the therapy she very much needs after such a traumatizing event. When she's a teenager she stumbles upon a notebook that her foster father hid from her written in Johnny Chambers' handwriting, of which details the mystery behind Johnny Quick and Liberty Belle's powers, as well as old notes about the enemies the duo had made over the years.

The discovery of the notebook is enough to motivate Jesse to run away and begin a one-woman quest to track down the Baron and enact her revenge.

On the way she meets some old friends of her parents like Jay Garrick, the Tyler family, and Ted Grant, and maybe she even puts on the Liberty Belle suit bc its impossible to write a JSA story without some acknowledgement of legacy.

@DC if you guys don't write this i will.

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending? 

Not to be a BartRose shipper on main but I always like to believe that they have had feelings for one another throughout their time on the Titans. Whether or not either parties would ever act on said feelings is up for debate.

Just... just let me have the idea that Bart and Rose are just two people who've known each other since they started doing superhero stuff and have a unique kind of relationship because of it.

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.

I feel like some aspects of fandom was a lil too obsessed with 'top' and 'bottom' hcs like it's the only thing one should think about when discussing character dynamics and sometimes that annoys me.

X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.

I tend to enjoy it when people talk about the little quirks they headcanon for characters, like what someone's fave food or fave genre of music is. Sometimes I just like knowing what a character snacks on when they're working or thinking.

#jesse chambers #alan scott #jesse quick #liberty belle #green latern #jsa #dc #in some AUs Jesse is the Flash #but in mine she's a superpowered hobo dead set on revenge #*chef's kiss* content

[purplesurveys]

1720

Have you ever seen a fox in person?    Uhhhhh I don't think so. I don't think we have any species here either?

Would you say you have a quiet mind or do you have a lot of thoughts?    Most of the time my head's running. I can totally space out too, but for the most part I'm thinking of something; worrying, even.

When did you last do something brave?    Not screaming when a giant lizard hung out at my table when I worked at a coffee shop yesterday. I'm talking fucking huge, lmao. I was telling my friends pre-BTS Robyn would have freaked out 100%, but knowing how much the boys love animals it kind of influenced me at the moment to chill out and just let the gigantic lizard be.

Have you ever seen a magician?    They are commonplace gimmicks at every Filipino kid's birthday party.

What's something you remember from your childhood that you wish you could experience again?    My grandfather coming home from work and bringing Dunkin' Munchkins for me and my cousin, and Piknik for my sister.

Do you believe in karma? Why or why not?    I don't take it seriously or view it in a spiritual sense, but it's like, it's satisfying when you see people who've wronged you not doing or looking well.

Do you have a tiktok account?    I do but 95% of the time I use it for work. The remaining 5% is when I remember to check through the app for fan edits, heh. Occasionally I'll be on TikTok to look through Jungkook's likes as well because he's taken to like crack content these days like the Gen Z that he is.

Do you prefer the scent or color of lavender?    The color is fine, but I'm not the biggest fan of the scent. I prefer beachy or sweeter notes.

Would you rather live in a castle or a cottage?    Castle. I feel like I'd feel too suffocated in a tiny cottage.

What type of music do you listen to the least and why?    Country does not appeal to me at all.

When did you last visit a library?    Around four years ago. I was in college and needed to borrow a book.

What's one of your favorite memories from staying up late?  Like, regardless of the time in my life? My favorite memories staying up late would be from high school when I was deep in the wrestling fandom and had my own circle of friends, all from UK/US, that I'd only get to talk to past midnight. We were really really really close and they'd also stay up for me on weekdays, when I'd be coming home from school.

The whole 1D craze also happened when I was in high school! The boys used to go live the same way K-Pop idols do now, but given the time differences they always did it when it was like 1 AM here. I remember they even did 1D Day - something I definitely was not able to stay up all night for, haha.

Have or would you ever wear a necklace with someone's initial on it? I don't imagine having a problem with that. Initials are intimate and simple enough for me.

What last made you laugh out loud?    I was watching In the Soop and couldn't help but laugh at a scene where the boys were asking Namjoon left and right to help with the chores. Poor guy couldn't cook and Taehyung had already beaten him to the sink to wash the dishes, so it led to a hilarious 5-minute visual of him frantically running everywhere to grant everyone's requests.

Do you usually keep water by your bedside at night?    Yes. I never actually end up drinking from it as I sleep through the night, but I still like keeping one around just in case I get thirsty or I wake up with my throat feeling dry.

What's an interesting fact about yourself?    I have seen every Audrey Hepburn movie.

What did you last heat up in a microwave?    A chocolate chip cookie.

Would you consider yourself lucky?   My standing in the life lottery is average, I'd say. I'm fortunate compared to the average Filipino in that my family lives extremely comfortably; we can afford luxuries like multiple cars, traveling 2-3 times a year, can keep up with the latest tech, a house that can comfortably fit 5 – all things I'm very very grateful for.

Life in the Philippines itself though, it's a little...you can understand why many opt for better lives overseas. Salaries are offensively low; government was, is, and will always reek of corruption; everything about Metro Manila is gross and so not tourist-friendly unless you deliberately go to the places that are essentially facades like BGC and Rockwell; people wake up at 5 AM to get to work at 9 AM/end work at 6 PM only to get home by 10 PM because public transport is shit.

I'm lucky given the circumstances, but we as a country, not so much.

What kind of pizza did you eat last?    We got a pepperoni pizza but I got rid of the pepperoni on mine.

What kind of shampoo do you use?    Dove or Palmolive. I have both and I just use whatever my hand reaches out for first for the day.

How many blue objects are in the room you're in?    A number, but most prominent would be my two foldout sleeping bags which I use as a mini sofa.

Would you rather visit an art museum or an aquarium?    I'd love to go to an art museum over and over again. Aquariums can be a big question mark for me cos I never know how the animals are treated when guests are not there.

Do you prefer sweeter cereal over unsweetened?    Yes.

If you could build a 5 artist/band lineup to your dream music festival.. which ones would you choose?    BTS, SHINee, Paramore, Beyoncé, Michael Jackson.

What's a habit you have broken or are currently trying to break?    I haven't been biting my nails primarily because I'm on braces which make it virtually impossible to do.

Have you ever volunteered at an animal shelter?    I have not volunteered, but I donate whenever I can. Just this morning, one of the animal rescue NGOs I closely follow opened an subscription option wherein all the money will be used to buy daily food for all of their rescues. Didn't even think twice about signing up.

Is there anything currently bothering you?    Not at the moment.

How many stuffed animals do you have on your bed?    Technically not stuffed animals but I have Tata and Koya plushies.

How much is too much to spend on a pair of shoes?    I don't see myself spending anything more than ₱25,000.

What's the strangest thing that you've ever seen someone collect?   Napkins. Like, table napkins/tissues with brand logos. Filipino moms do it a lot and I honestly don't understand why lol. Also, fancy plates.

Have you recently been to a concert?    Yeah I'd say June was pretty recent. I flew out to Thailand to see Yoongi. Here's what it looked like! :)

Who did you last have a phone conversation with?    HR from another company because my former associate had placed me as a reference contact. I personally wasn't too happy with her performance during my time with her but I figured I should talk her up so she can be on her way to open up a new chapter in her career.

What's the most dominant personality trait you have?    Passionate, I feel like.

Do you ever watch sports?    I'll check in on wrestling every now and then but that's it. I've been keeping tabs on the World Cup too but haven't really watched any match since the Philippines got booted out of the tournament.

What's had the biggest impact on your day?  Namjoon went live and that's how I came to find out Moni's passed...

What's your least favorite cheese?  Anything that's too pungent and tastes more closely to sock.

What did you last have as a snack?    Camembert-flavored chips from Japan.

What's your favorite decoration in your place of residence?    We have an abaca basket on our coffee table that I'm obsessed with.

Would you rather read a book or watch a movie?    Watch a movie, for the most part. I'll only read a book if it's a memoir.

What's your plans for the upcoming week?    SO!!!!!!!!!!! I'm really excited because I've been meaning to go to the Audrey Hepburn exhibit they recently opened here in Manila, but apparently they had contacted our agency for some needed support and now I get to be there for work this Monday and I AM REALLY EXCITED. Never mind that I'll be working because I'll just be really happy and giddy being there!

Other than that it's just business as usual, but I am looking forward to Friday because we have a long weekend ahead :)

When did you last feel rushed?    This morning when I was running late for my 9 AM dentist appointment.

What was the last thing to scare you?    Cooper was making worrying gagging/hawking sounds earlier tonight, but fortunately they didn't last long. It was scary because they were sounds that never came out of him before.

Have you drank enough water today?    Too much. I didn't drink water at all yesterday, and my body knew that and by instinct I just drank way too many glasses today.

What's your top 3 favorite fruits?    Avocado. That's it, really.

What season do you think is the most comfortable?    We don't have the four seasons.

What lie do you say the most?    That I am happy with my work and that I don't have any issues to raise. Don't get me wrong, I am(!) happy – just not always; and simply going, "Yeah, I'm happy" lets me avoid complicated conversations that need not be complicated to begin with.

I'm also truthfully not happy with my accounts and I think it's starting to show, but that's a conversation I'd rather have another time.

What website do you frequent often besides Bzoink?    It's a tie between Twitter and YouTube.

Do you have anything due soon?    Yeah, something for work.

What did you last consume that you thought was nasty?    A few days ago I was dealing with a sore throat and happened to have KFC chicken shortly after I took a lozenge. Apparently an immediate side effect is the aftertaste because my chicken, the rice, and the gravy all tasted like SHIT. I truthfully thought I got a rancid order so I told my mom that they might have given me an expired meal, so she tried it and exasperatedly told me that no it's not KFC, it's your medicine. LOL

Anyway the taste change hadn't been going away so I just gave my mom the meal before it went cold.

What's a song you feel describes your mood most right now?  Life Goes On. Take your pick – BTS, Agust D...both are applicable.

[lily-of-rabanastre]

Ascilia—Chapter 7, Scene 1 Excerpt

Note: This is not the full chapter, or even a full scene. It's only a brief portion, posted in part as proof that I'm working on the chapter, and also as a way to encourage myself to keep going.

As such, I'd like to make a habit of doing so every few nights. Without further ado...

"I believe we have said all there is to say on this matter for now. But just a moment ago, Estinien, did you not say you had other duties to attend to?"

"Mentoring the Radiant Host," he replied, raising an eyebrow at Ascilia. "Did we not speak of that earlier today?"

"Mh, 'twas in our departure from Radz-at-Han that afternoon. I simply thought it was nice to have another goal to look forward to. Perhaps I ought to do something similar, and pursue a goal of mine own making. One idea springs to mind, if you would all hear me out." As she waited for her friends' attention to settle on her, Ascilia took her drink in hand, savoring the cool rush of liqueur running down her throat. Once she was satisfied, she set her mug down and smiled. "In the wake of the Final Days, countless souls across this star were no doubt exposed to star showers—a portent of their narrowly averted end. But in witnessing such a calamitous display, I am all but certain that those who've awakened to the Echo must surely exist among the survivors."

"Just as it was in the Crystarium," said Y'shtola, raising a hand to her chin. "So focused was I on the matter of our survival, I hadn't stopped to consider the possibility..."

"It's a shame you didn't awaken to it yourself," Lily added, a slight edge unmistakable to Ascilia's heart in her tone.

"A shame indeed," Y'shtola sighed. "But I have lived without it my entire life—'tis no great endeavor to continue doing so."

After clearing her throat to grab her friends' attention, Ascilia continued on. "Quite so, Shtola. But such individuals who have awakened to the Echo are no doubt in need of a mentor of their own. One who has an intimate understanding of the gift, and can help them understand and manage it."

"This 'Echo' you speak of," Rubedo began, a mix of plaintiveness and curiosity adorning her face. "Does it grant one the power to see the future?"

"That is but one of many unique abilities granted by the Echo," Ascilia beamed, clasping her hands together as an old memory resurfaced. "Tell me, have you ever experienced a sudden, inexplicable loss of consciousness? Had the sensation of being pulled away from reality and left adrift, a mind without a body?"

"Yes!" Rubedo exclaimed, pressing her hands to the table as she slipped up from her seat. "I-I have, in fact. Many a time—"

"Third time this week, right?" asked Lily, shooting her sister a sheepish grin. "Sorry about that. Couldn't help but eavesdrop after noticing it."

"... That is... correct, yes." As she returned to her seat, Rubedo kept her eyes on her sister. "You understood what you saw, then?"

"Of course," said Lily. "I have the Echo, too. I know what it's like to live with it, Ruby."

Watching the anxiety within Rubedo begin to melt away, Ascilia couldn't help but feel she would be open her next proposition. "Then I believe the matter is settled. Once our business with the voidgate is concluded, I shall open the Path of the Twelve once again. And I would be delighted, Rubedo of Thavnair, if you and Lily walked with me in this endeavor."

#ffxiv #ffxiv fanfiction #post endwalker #endwalker spoilers

[dnaamericaapp]

Grant Wahl was an American sports journalist and soccer analyst who was best known for his passion and belief in the power of the game to advance human rights.

Wahl's wife, Celine Gounder posted on Twitter with a statement: "I am so thankful for the support of my husband Grant Wahl's soccer family and of so many friends who've reached out tonight. I'm in complete shock.”

LeBron James said he had been "very fond of Grant." While Wahl was at Sports Illustrated, he did a cover story on James when James was in high school.

"I've always kind of watched from a distance even when I moved up in ranks and became a professional, and he went to a different sport," said James, speaking at a postgame press conference. "Any time his name would come up I'll always think back to me as a teenager and having Grant in our building ... It's a tragic loss."

DNA America

“it’s what we know, not what you want us to believe.”

#dna #dnaamerica #news #politics #grantwahl

#dna #dnaamerica #news #politics #grant wahl

[vumming]

all of us are dead — han gyeong-su & lee cheong-san “love, diamond” warning : spoiler, cringe, cliché, angst ( very terrible lol )

“Gyeong-su!”

You after the boy, he was quick on his feet being a few inches taller than you, seven years old Gyeong-su howled in laughter as he ran across the field. “Stop! You're so mean!”

“Haha! You can't catch me!” He cheekily threw at you, pulling out his tongue to further annoy you.

“Noo!!” You cried, watching as your stuff toy get further away from you, in the hands of the very boy whom you tried to chase. Exhaustion hitting you on your whole body, you pant, sitting down without a grain of energy left to spare before crying.

Gyeong-su looked back to where you are, finding you crying as he panicked. Running to your side and giving the doll back, “h-here! You can have it now, I'm sorry, please don't cry..” He awkwardly pats your back.

“Don't cry now... sorry, I took your doll without your permission.” He apologized, hopeful eyes looking at you as you rub your eyes. “That's why, let's make up, yeah?”

“Mhmm..” You sniffed, opening one eye to take the doll from his hands to embrace it. “I forgive you but promise me you won't do it again!”

“Make you sad?”

“Well.. yes and.. steal my doll!” You huffed, sternly stating the last of your sentence with confidence to which Gyeong-su nodded at.

“Alright! I won't make you sad and take your doll again!” A smile erupted from both of your lips, him jokingly pointing out your puffy eyes and red nose. “You look silly, hehe!” He bops your nose with his finger, a chuckle left his mouth.

It was a normal paced childhood, you and him being friends on first grade—it was a very nice friendship.

The tune of Auld Lang Syne tuning in your surrounding, you and Gyeong-su laid on the grass on all fours. Eventually, you found yourself closing your eyes.. easing into the comforting presence of your precious friend and the hum that echoes in your ear.

White and blue, the sky is so clear, it looks so pretty like this. Even much more when relief then washes in your heart, alike to a child getting their first wish granted, water flowing out of a pristine goblet made of diamond and gold. You remember..

The day you open your eyes to look at the carefree sky. The old hum of Auld Lang Syne. The familiar whisper of the wind and the light caress of the grass beneath you.

“Cheong-san..”

But what you are gazing now is complete darkness. Nothing shines in the dark, but it made you feel at ease. The throb of your heart echoes in your head.

Saline water fell out of your eyes but they did not hit the ground, no, they stayed afloat with you like feathers blown by the wind.

That mortified look— the hand that reaches out to grab your own. Fingers touched against yours but never secured.

“Why are you here?! Go back, please.. It's not your time yet!”

There were red strings all around you, enveloping you, entangled to each other as they circle around your figure. A big scissor slowly approaches, terrifying yet at the same time, comforting in a way. Blinding, the best way to describe the lolling strings that surrounds you. A lifeline.

And then,

It cuts the string.

“Stay safe no matter what.”

“I'm home, Gyeong-su.”

Nam On-jo, childhood friend of Lee Cheong-san. A very pretty, brave, and stubborn girl who've been through Cheong-san's side through thick or thin.

You can see in his eyes, the way he gazes at his friend, that lovelorn look that fills those beautiful look that makes you wish it was you whom he have his eyes set on. Even someone really stupid would be able to tell that he held deep romantic feelings for his childhood friend. You bit the inside of your cheek, looking away from the boy to avoid jealousy taking over your heart.

It hurts but you knew better.

You were an outsider who entered a close-knit friendship, what only pulls you in was Gyeong-su. Holding his hand out for you to take, like how you did years ago.

Flocked by darkness and locked by cages along with chains and shackles, the stone cold metal then infects your heart. Leaving no room for warmth, like a gemstone, so beautiful yet so hard—ahh.. This bound hatred fears you greatly.

You remembered, the need and want for him to look in your direction. Embracing Cheong-san romantically. Every touch burns, every second with him flares. It was a situation similar to a moth clinging to a candlelight.

And his mind muddled with you—pushing and pulling you alongside On-jo.

It eats you inside and out. The guilt knowing that you did something your moral doesn't like. Fuck, if only everything will burn. Then you won't have to worry about the consequences of your action. If only.. there is a border between fiction and reality, you'd jump into it with no hesitation.

“Hey, y/n. Do you like Cheong-san?”

You remember...

“Ah.. I see.. No, it was nothing! I was just curious..” Why does he look hurt? What does that mean?

“Gyeong-su! No!”

That time back where it all started to form ashes, where it all crumbles and die. The recording room. “Don't come near me! Stay away! Fuck- y/n! Stay away from me!” He was desperate, screaming his head so no one would go near him. He saw you, tears streaming down your eyes.

It burns.

It hurts.

This flame that does nothing but destroy all your hope. Your eyes drown in fog. Watching before your very eyes for him to turn into something you failed to recognize. Gyeong-su, who was always so cheeky and nice to you, no longer whom he used to be.

Our promise..

A grunt was all it took until everything fell down the drain, you, fighting him off despite the pain the prickles you to no end.

You flip him off, using your leg as a measure to keep him at a distance, his body hitting the table beside you. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I was wrong- Please come back.”

For auld lang syne, my dear.

The tune that haunts you. There it goes.

For auld lang syne.

You choked a sob, pulling Gyeong-su with your weight to the window where Cheong-san was. His thrashing didn't help either, attacking everyone in his line of vision.

We'll take a cup o' kindness yet.

A push, the need to eat and instinct of the virus completely took over him. His body hits the ground yet you didn't further look. Trudging to the nearest corner to think of what you have done.

For days of auld lang syne.

“I'm such a terrible person.. I couldn't even save someone precious to me.. I'm so useless.” You whispered to yourself. This wasn't the fire you wanted.

You didn't know what came to you, kissing with the person whom your heart races for yet it didn't bring the happiness you chased. Fireworks and flowers weren't blown.

You part away, lids fluttering open as your grip remain on Cheong-san's clothes. His hand guiding your neck, you watch him lean in, running after your lips—missing your warmth despite the proximity of your bodies.

This...

It truly felt wrong.

You don't want this anymore but your body did nothing of such, obeying its' own wishes, pulling the boy closer to you and your eyes closed.

Soft yet rough, Cheong-san bit your lower lip, asking for permission, waiting for you to part your lips. Your hands sneaking up their way to his shoulder, arms finding purchase of his neck. The tingling ablaze it cause was destructive.

What felt like minutes were blown away as soon as your lips part, granting the boy access as he groan, you, swallowing the sounds he made. It felt so right and so wrong. What is it that eats you? Guilt? Sorrow? Anger? You couldn't tell because another lock causes your mind to be as clear as a puddle.

Gyeong-su pulls your hand, the two of you walking towards Cheong-san, I-sak, and On-jo. “Gyeong-su, hold on!”

“You look stupid looking at him with love sick eyes it's making me gag, at least confess to him already!”

“No wait- I am not ready yet!” You tug, trying to fight off your friend from completely dragging you to the three students that are occupied with their conversation. “Oi, you bastard!” You thrashed causing him to laugh.

“It's so pathetic seeing you so miserable, besides, I did promised not to make you sad, yeah?” He threw you a toothy grin, “So c'mon.”

Was he aware that Cheong-san himself held deep feelings for the girl? Or is Gyeong-su completely oblivious to that? “Ah.. I see.. No, it was nothing! I was just curious..”

And there's a hand, my trusty fiere.

“Gyeong-su.. was that why you asked me if I like him?” You pause in your steps, the boy halting once he heard your question, he didn't looked at you though, face held up but not towards you. “Yeah.. Yeah! that's the reason!”

He then continues to drag you. “Don't mess it up okay? I'll distract I-sak and On-jo for you as well! So you better thank me for this and buy me a lot of fried chicken later!”

You could only lightly smile even if he doesn't see it. His hands that clasped on yours, it felt nice, you shift your hand, lacing your fingers with his. “Sure!”

And gie's a hand o' thine.

“Y/n-ah.. to be honest... I still want to eat fried chicken with you after this is over..” He groans, sobbing as he looks at you. “We.. we can still do that, r-right?” Gyeong-su stammered, clinging unto the last string of hope.

And we'll tak a right gude-willy waught.

“So.. don't cry-” He cries, the same smile on his face plastered—the same that will always be locked in your memories. “You really look silly when you cry..”

“I'll go out on my own.. I- I will go out so..” He walks himself towards the door, stumbling to the furniture.

Our promise.. I'm sorry I couldn't fulfill it. In the end, I still made you sad.

For auld lang syne.

“Be completely honest, do you like someone?”

Everyone stayed circle on the fire, looking at Cheong-san who cut off his previous sentence to an excuse. Your gaze locked on his contemplating face.

Personally, you don't know what to feel. A part of hopes he won't like someone else but a part of it wishes he does—which you are aware but couldn't help to think, will he really choose?

“I like you, Cheong-san!” You can vividly remember it, you confessing your love with a throbbing pain—you don't know why, but you didn't question the pain. Handling the boy your name tag before scurrying away, shy and flustered.

You stayed silent, tired and exhausted from all the running and fighting.

Listening to them, more or so, looking at the boy whom you like. Somehow, his eyes that used to sends your forlorn soul a dose of happiness couldn't be detected, lock with yours but no emotion held.

You looked away. Guilt eating you alive, you already have your answer.

“Yes.”

“Really? You do?” On-jo couldn't believe her ears, leaning towards her childhood friend's direction in interest. Everyone looks between the two of them, already having a gist of what's the connection. “Yes.” Cheong-san once again confirmed.

“Why are you stalling, is it a crush?”

“Pretty much.”

“Pretty much? What does that mean? Who is she?”

You sucked a breath in, closing your eyes and resting your head on the palm of your hand. “No one.”

“Who is she? Do I know her?” The girl pressed forward. “Who?”

Your lids cracked open, seeing the boy you fancy with deep feeling held in his eyes while looking at On-jo. “You.” He admits.

“You. Nam On-jo.”

Does it hurt?

Does it not?

Why couldn't you feel anything?

“I like you.”

Yet On-jo didn't believed him, laughing it off as a joke—you could see how hurt the boy is, looking at her in pain at the deny. “He doesn't mean it, he's just kidding.”

No one believes it. Already set at how Cheong-san bravely admits his adoration.

“We were friends and neighbors since kindergarten, that's all.” How bittersweet.

“Stop joking.” She firmly states towards him, “I'm not joking.”

Having enough, On-jo stood up and walked near the edge of the building, Cheong-san following along her causing you to groan. He just smacks it right into my face indirectly with everyone around.

But that's alright, because...

While strange, for some reason it wasn't as hurtful as you expected it to be.

“Follow my lead, y/n. This, like this!” Gyeong-su laid down on the snow, flapping his limbs back and forth before he stood up and showed you his master piece.

“I know how to do a snow angel Gyeong-su!”

“Just saying!” He pulls his tongue out towards your direction who's still busy tying the laces of your boots but the floof and big clothing you wore are kinda being a pain.

He goes near you, hot breath coming out in smog due to the cold. “Oh! You're such a slowpoke! Here, let the great Gyeong-su help you!” He chuckles, going down on one foot to tie your shoes.

“Your lace sucks.” You commented at his handiwork causing him to pout and playfully swat your incoming hands to tickle him. “Mean!”

You giggled at his reaction, watching his nose go more red than before, undoing your big scarf to circle it on his neck. “Wha- hey! You'll need this more than me! Look at you, you're much more fragile than the great Gyeong-su!”

Irked at his comment, you smack his arm, “Are you calling me weak?!”

“Duh!” Gyeong-su put the scarf back on you, rolling his eyes and heeding no mind to your scowl as he covers even your lower face with your fluffy clothing.

“But you're freezing! You can't be the great Gyeong-su if you get sick.” You pointed out causing his face to flush red, finishing the laces before cupping a snow to smack on your face, running away before you could even react to the cold.

“Why you-! Gyeong-su! Come back here!”

“You're all dead.”

Gwi-nam showed up, towering everyone and throwing them left and right. Despite the fall from earlier. You charged towards him, grabbing a loose metal from a chair to smack him with, but Su-hyeok was going on par with the same speed, causing you to speed up and swipe your feet to knock Gwi-nam down.

Shit your feet hurts like a bitch but it was worth it when you saw his defense crumble for a bit.

Everyone did their best, including Nam-ra, holding on to the boy despite the pain she's receiving. Gasping for air, you hold your punched stomach, coughing up blood before charging back, using the pole to lock Gwi-nam's neck, strangling the hambie.

“You pesky vermin! Let go!”

Seeing your hand in the line of vision, Gwi-nam bit it as hard as he could causing you to scream, his teeth bared into your bones, cracking them but your grip hardened. “Aaaarghh!!”

Fuck fuck fuck- it hurts so bad!

Tears prickling your eyes as you drag yourself back to the edge of the school building. Gwi-nam let out a cough, digging his hands to your arm to get you off, persistently pulling him until your eyes locked with Nam-ra.

Please..

Pounding a fist on the concrete, she stood up, anger bubbling before kicking the delinquent by his solar plexus, you stumbling along with him.

“Noooo!!” The man in your hold screams. The last thing you could see in the warmly lit haven, was Su-hyeok, Cheong-san and Nam-ra, the former has his hand outstretched towards your direction.

A devastated look on his face.

“Cheong-san... Stay safe no matter what..”

You whispered, grip lessen on the thrashing boy. Tears floats with you. Time stilled.

The sky couldn't be even more beautiful. Your eyes closed, and the familiar tune of your favorite song fills in the abyss.

“Wait for me, Gyeong-su.”

Underneath the rubble of the ruined building, laid a torn piece of fabric. L/n Y/n. A momento, requiem for the dead flows alone the wind. A silent song.

For auld lang syne.

#unrequited love always remain at the top #i fucking love angst #gyeong-su for bad luck repeller #zombies #x reader #aouad x reader #gender neutral reader #all of us are dead x reader #all of us are dead #lee cheong san #lee cheong san x reader #cheong san x reader #han gyeong su #han gyeong su x reader #gyeong su x reader #aouad #aouad fanfic

[kirobsi]

Underwhelming, belated return

Hello! To preface this post, I want to state that it is dreadfully written, in that it's a stream of consciousness that I'm not revising. I'm just thinkin' of things to discuss on the spot, and writing them down. With that said,

It's been a long time since I've properly put one of these together. I'd argue that the one on Gamers back in September is the most recent, although "Catch-22 in Admiration" could certainly qualify. For me it comes down to a difference in effort and passion - for the former, I was making a proper blog post. The latter was intended to be similar, but was half-baked. And hey, since I have no concrete plan for this post, I'll go into that:

Catch-22 in Admiration's downfall was the supplemental SMBX showcase video. It overshadowed the blog post itself, and ultimately I was just more interested in it. I was going to write a lot more about fans and fanbases and my opinions on them, all revolving around STILL HERE, but... why bother? It was a lot of work that just did not appeal to me, and frankly, the majority of the reason I wanted to write anything was to have an excuse to share the song, since I think it's pretty great. I said as such in the post itself.

But my opinion on fans is something I'd like to express anyway. It may not be particularly groundbreaking or deep, but it's not like I went into proper detail before, so... why not?

Personally, I quite like having fans! Or, maybe more accurately, two people who've commented on my stuff and said it was good, whom I had never had contact with prior. What I'm saying is shoutouts to you two, you know who you are. (although I believe only the most recent of you will end up reading this lol [thank you a lot for that Twitter DM by the way!], or neither.) I've been uploading videos to Youtube for over ten years now, my first channel being created in 2011, and before September I hadn't had a single person I didn't know find and comment on the things I'd actually put effort into. Granted, with like two exceptions I only actually made anything of substance starting in 2018, but that's still about three years with no audience outside my friends. I'm firmly okay with making art solely for myself and those I know, I think a timeframe like this would filter out anyone who isn't, but it feels really nice to have someone positively acknowledge what I've done after all this time.

But I've gotten a little lucky, haven't I? The two people who've complimented my work (outside of those in the Spelunky community who watched "Carlibraun") didn't end up being awful people. Or so it seems, I mean, I guess anything is possible, but I haven't gotten that impression. Just as easily, I think transphobic people could've stumbled across my work, or those who are a little less kind to scripted videos made in a few hours each. There are various forms of harassment I'm sure I could have gotten, and will inevitably get, that I've luckily avoided thus far. Even an 'angry gamer type' who strongly disagrees with my assessment on YIIK, for example, could've chimed in with a well-reasoned "you fucking idiot! yiik is objectively one of the worst games ever made, why are you giving it the benefit of the doubt? are you just a contrarian?"

I'll touch on the notion of being a contrarian later, but for now I want to actually take this point somewhere - that being that, as I mentioned in Catch-22, I kinda strongly despise fanbases. I think part of that is unreasonable intolerance, maybe a bit of ableism if you wanna read into it further, but I can't stand certain types of fans I see of others' work. I want people who see and engage with my stuff to be reasonable people, by my standards, ones who don't mindlessly parrot the contents of my or somebody else's video... Are my standards too high? Probably. Am I unnecessarily negative about such people? Absolutely. They're just showing their appreciation! There's nothing wrong with that, and I sincerely can't even poke a hole in it. But if I am to build some sort of community, which is a thought I honestly can't even fathom at the moment (what I picture is basically a friend group but that's highly infeasible lol), then I'd like it to consist of people who have their own opinions, who are what I'd deem "intelligent."

I'm clearly elitist, and I think that could be a detriment at some point if gone unchecked. It's something I'll surely work on if I end up garnering such an audience. At the moment, though? This is all speculation. I have no actual reason to believe I'll gain any more fans beyond this point. I think it's likely, but it's not guaranteed. I could go another 6 years without so much as a new subscriber if I'm particularly unlucky. Part of that is that I don't and won't advertise my stuff outside of posting a link on Twitter (which I don't link to from anywhere lol so calling that advertising is generous) or posting it in one of the current three servers I'm in where sharing creative work is encouraged. Will the Spelunky community Discord server be invested in my thematic reading of Not Another Needle Game? I doubt it - I'm a nobody in the community nowadays and NANG is an irrelevant 8 year old game. Would the Transparency server be interested in my mechanical analysis and comparison of Super Monkey Ball: Banana Mania and the games it's a remake of? Maybe, but they're certainly bigger on the literary analysis or grander essay type of content.

Anyway, my point is that this elitist attitude is something I'd like to work on going forward, assuming I even get an audience. However, that doesn't mean I'll tolerate certain things that I deem unacceptable. Bigoted shit is obvious, and... well, I can't actually think of other examples lol but I'm sure there's other stuff I'd try to distance myself from. On top of that, I'll probably never make a Discord server for any of the stuff I do - at some point I'd have to close it off to the public and that'd unfairly exclude people. At the same time, it honestly does feel kind of tempting though lol, which is an unexpected development. I guess historically I was a lot more against the idea.

But yes! Fans are cool, but some aren't, and I should lower the standards I have for them. I went on about that for far longer than I needed do, but hey, I said this was an unedited stream of consciousness and it very much is.

Anyway, I was gonna write more here but I'm getting tired. I'll try to do that tomorrow! I have notes for it and everything, even a paragraph written up, but I just wasn't gonna finish it tonight without putting it off like this. Thanks for reading!

~Kiri