#germany you can be so motherfucking awesome if you want

[the-jam-to-the-unicorn]

Moment of signing the security agreement with Germany

#🥹❤️🥹❤️🥹❤️🥹❤️🥹❤️🥹❤️🥹❤️🥹❤️ #this is such a huge HISTORIC moment #especially after the past and what we did to ukraine #you have to understand that something like this never ever existed before in the germany ukraine relationship #this is BIG #we said as long as it takes and ukraines victory and we mean it #this also means were not going to pressure ukraine again into a minsk whatever #also nice to see ze so happy ❤️ #after the very hard weeks and months and the depressing second half of 2023 this is a well need good news #and france will follow today #ze has all the reason to smile today ❤️ #also on step closer to integrate ukraine in eu and nato until their officially part of it #and we even gave ze a big military package in addition #with lots of stuff they really need #germany you can be so motherfucking awesome if you want #some (!!!) kudos to olaf #mostly kudos to baerbock and pistorius and makeiiev and everyone in their teams who worked for that #same for the Ukrainian side

[annathesimple]

What everybody brought to the ESC (sprinkled with my humble opinion)

Albania: desire to call the storm your brother (yeah, I dig it and it made me poetic, shut up), run from civilization and make the spirits of the wild your allies. Also: Cleopatra Mom in a Pride dress can I squeal with joy??!

Armenia: empowering song and beautiful performer. I hope she brings her suit *winks*, oh, yeah, and the braids, the braids!! And a familiar face to Ukrainians! ;)

Australia: stop shitting on them, the pips know what Eurovision is about, look at them this year: try to describe this without the word extra. They just embodied the moth&lamp meme. Brought: the daughter-dress of 2018 Estonia and Russia paired with the sexiest dementor you've seen

Austria: if she will look into me like she did in the music video than maybe I will break down, she is tearing at my walls. Brought:  blue hair to make me listen, and it works.

Azerbaijan: a medal for aesthetic goal. It might not exist yet, but it freaking should. Also, I am stealing so many of the things that they used in the music video, you just watch me

Belarus: that white outfit of hers. Or the legs. No, the outfit. Or the legs?.. Which one of these makes me keep staring? (Also brought all these dislikes from Belarussian people, which reminds me - RIP the potato masterpiece of this year)

Belgium: quality Netflix Original's soundtrack. Also a soundtrack to a montage of you running towards your goal and honestly - it's sweet.

Croatia: KAO HEROOOOOJ!!! Also: piano?? hopefully a piano?? We need it, come on, people need to fill out theirs esc bingos, people want to get drunk and we will help them! Also: stairs?? Possknly many stairs??

Cyprus: "Fuego" got reborn and we are being delivered heavy dance beats again, yay!

Czech Republic: oh, the funk, they stolen it? and added an 80' bassline? I hate it and I love it, you have no idea how hard are my relationship with this song is. But facts are facts.

Denmark: A MOTHERFUCKING HUGE CHAIR, I hope they bring it: I am supporting a policy that if you have a lot of space - you should do crazy shit with it. Also: brought German, cause Germany couldn't

Estonia: Aviici wibes and, oh yeah!, another song about a storm! I vote to start a new category for esc bingo: songs featuring storm in their lyrics or title. Also: guitar? Pretty please

Finland: Darude. As a rule I don't list people here, but the rules don't apply to you once you become a meme. Also: Poison Ivy just came to dance on a rotating cube in the middle of the stage - cause that's what you do, that's what I would have done if only I have been confident enough.

France: good boy, cinnamon roll, his wigs are the best and are not to be snatched, ok??! I am getting serious "Phoenix" wibes. Also: cute glasses!

Georgia: yes! They brought these awesome back vocals for which I love them so much!! Also: I feel like Georgia has its goal to make us love Georgian, and idk about you, but it works on mee~~

Germany: SISTAH!!! It's caraoce night and Elsa and Pocahontas are winning it. Also: can I talk about how refreshing it is to see a female duo?

Greece: actual Greece aesthetic wibes?? Beauty, so much beauty. Also: give them swords!! Allow them swords on the stage, cowards!!

Hungary: a song about a dad! I sense a streak! And I want to kiss everybody responsible for keeping it in Hungarian. Also: whistling! That you cannot get out of your head!

Iceland: they got last place last time so they are angry now, ahah. But honestly, we haven't even started yet  and Hatari is already a meme, and we all know that it's the true currency of Eurovision fame. They are worth an essay, it's just I won't do it here.

Ireland: light happy pop for you to finally relax. And, for some reason, nostalgia? I blame Irish magic.

Israel: an Israeli Freddy Mercury with a strong song and a pinch of Disney sound. Interesting in a good way vocals.

Italy: "ramadan" rimed with "Jackie Chan", a big fuck you to all the haters and international versions of D.Trump. Also: ~~soldiii~~, ~~soldiii~~

Latvia: your soundtrack for soft and quiet, warm night walks. Magic the color of black and crimson velvet. The ocean of the eyes.

Lithuania: that one song that encourages you to stand up and go towards what you want, plants a seed of self appreciation inside of you. Good stuff. And his voice is higher than the expectations of your relatives.

Malta: another aesthetics award!! Also - I can't possibly say no to people who put chameleons into music videos. Also: another member of "nana" squad!

Moldova: this year it's them who is bringing us a ballad: and a solid one, + the voice

Montenegro: oh yes!! Finally!! A grandpa!! With a beard!! Playing a traditional instrument!! The sacred commandments are being followed!! Also snow in May aesthetic.

North Macedonia: a powerful ballad for girls and I am here for it!! Go and break the rules! Make everybody fucking emotional!! We need it and we deserve it!

Norway: the sickest Christmas party in a Narnia setting: LET ME IIIN.The furry jokes. And if u think they will stop any time soon - you are wildly misguided. And now we have another version of what does the fox say!

Poland: if you haven't heard them already - probably they brought smth you haven't really expected from them as a folk band. They make me feel things. The outfits!! I said THE OUTFITS!!

Portugal: a true to life representation of my last two brain cells. It's so eary, so unusual that I am in love. Back in my days (and it's like a week ago) I had to do a half an hour long deep YouTube dive to get to music like this. Artttt

Romania: abandoned mansions aesthetic, possible mythical wibes, yessss, bring it to meee!

Russia: Lazarev. They brought Lazarev. You know who he is, what can I say except for: why is his signing is so good??hmm

San Marino: a true leader of "nanana" squad appears!! I like to think that's how San Marino celebrates all of its national holidays. They've always came to Eurovision to party, and they are proving a point once again.

Serbia: I know many like to complain about ballads: but come on, we need at least some, and Serbia delivered, at least we always can rely on Balcan countries for that! Also: I hope she brings her crystal horns with her to the stage, they paid them so much attention!

Slovenia: depressed youth love brought you some indi to relax but also to float into space contemplating your choices.

Spain: is here to cure your depression in case any of the previous songs triggered it. Brought a party, the Sun, and the most Spanish sounding thing I have ever heard. I feel like they thrive out of dandelion wine.

Sweden: changed their formula a bit and suddenly in works on me, and it works very well! There is a literall door to heaven above the stage! That's where they came from! Also: I am in love with the back vocal singers.

Switzerland: a Spanish wibe + some Asian notes/sound?? + heavy dance beat = yeah, they got me, it is indeed good to dance to.

The Netherlands: brought sensitivity and forced it on me, brought tears and put them behind my eyes. Goodness gracious, whyyy

UK: such a sweet happy song, love how the entries from UK tend to be so sunny and bright recently. Brought me desire to hug my friends and close ones.

Please note that I have no intentions of offending anybody, we all are here to have a good time. I respect everybody on this list.

#Eurovision #esc #esc 2019 #eurovision 2019 #europe #recap

[borisbubbles]

01. LITHUANIA

Ieva Zasimauskaite - “When we’re old” 12th place

After six, long arduous months, this ranking somehow outlived the entire Almaia relationship, and that alone should be reason enough to finish the ranking immediately, but the the upcoming ban of all nfsw stuff (/porn) from this website will also cause a homosexual exodus (homosexodus? 🤔), sooooo, definitely time to finish this ranking before I lose 85% of my current audience. 

Look, listen OKAY, just like how I naturally gravitate towards Lea Sirk’s sass and Elina’s pristineness and DoReDoS’s hilarious whateverthatwas, I was simply never *not* going to like a Lithuanian frumpy space princess and annointed HINDU with a voice more brittle than Theresa May’s position in the House of Commons, whose meditation rites include drinking a cup of boiling water (without the tea! just water) on a daily basis to *purify* her mind and soul. Okay the last MAY be an exaggeration on the behalf of the Flemish commentator (Peter Van de Veire is a known jokester), but then again, I can totally see Ieva telling this to random bystanders in her hotel lobby? Such oblivious, but well-meaning wackiness is just so Ieva SassyMouseKyte. 

Naturally, one MASSIVE part of my Ieva stanning is JUST her personality, which is both intensely kooky and disarmingly innocent, see above. Another example: Ieva serenly sliding off the stage during the semifinal, only to find the nearest camera and exclaim  ”I FELT THE PRESENCE OF *GODS* ON THE STAGE WHILE I WAS SINGING ^__^ I FEEL *ENLIGHTENED* 🤗🤗” llke she was Siddharta Gautama under the Bodhi tree <3 I am no a religious man but if Ieva said the stage was brightened with a non-descript Eastern Deity’s presence during the performance, who am I to refute it? 😁 

Gods or no gods, I will say that it took a *serious* amount of dharma to give us *the most unexpected gift* we’ve ever could’ve been granted, which is a COMPETENT EUROVISION ENTRY FOR LITHUANIA. In terms of Eurovision, Lithuania are amongst of the objective *worst* on a  terrifyingly consistent basis and here you have a fairly pleasant Ellie Goulding-inspired, frumpolicious Hindu cleric bringing a ballad about the inevitability of high medieval alliance pacts. Let’s Sing The Song That She Wrote:

Actually that’s selling the act a bit short, because for a brief moment, Ieva managed to transform her moment during the sheer INSANITY that was this year’s finale (well the sheer insanity streaked with horrifying, terrible, machinal dullness, not naming any names but *cough*austriaandaustralia*cough), into an oasis of *pure show-stopping sentiment* and that’s a powerful feat to accomplish for a Eurovision entry. Normally, you think such an entry would Blackbird itself into oblivion but as Ieva had prophetically declared, GOD WAS ON HER SIDE, AMEN, so nope, think again Christerifer Morningstar 😈

Speaking of, praise Hallellujah, Oh Glory and Mazzel-Motherfucking-Tov that Ieva qualified under the hilarity that is the current combined voting system (to those who still hate it, AISEL would’ve qualified under the old system despite being 12th in both jury and televote 🙃 Granted this would be funny if this had happened to Sennek or Ari or Eye Cue or basically anyone other than Aisel, but it didn’t so The Old System remains CANCELLED, s/n/s) because not only is Ieva an Elyon Goddess Moste High, and has the unique quality of being a Good Entry from Lithuania, “When We’re Old” is also... fucking awesome in itself?

 “When we’re old” is *not* your typical BorisBubbles fave on the surface (lol as if I can expect you to know what a typical Boris fave is after only two full rankings  on tumblr 😬), but it totally is? Ieva hits that personal sweet spot for me that I require from my faves: Quirky, but not overbearingly weird. Well-liked, but not liked *enough* to top every post-show list. Sentimental, but because her emotions are *real*, not because of some forced commercialized acting gig. (such as, um, fucking Rona Nishliu and her fake-as-fuck dry sobbing ugh die bitch! (k not literally, just musically, 5ever)). Also, this song makes me want to sing along like the soft ass fag that I am. “When Weeeeeeeeee’re OWLED Hooooooooooooooo!!!” All of this cements Ieva as a dark horse, an underdog and an eternal outsider and these are  the *specific*  type of entries that I started this blog for.   

I guess I should write a bit more, with more *sass and pizzazz*, but that’s basically my Ieva love in a nutshell! I think she’s an utter gem, both as a human and a Eurovision participant, “When We’re Old” *still* remains the only entry this year to give me *emotional attachment* in the form of shivers and near-tears and bad impromptu karaoke.  If you don’t think she’s all that, well that’s your loss, not sorry! She made the final through the good graces of Hare Krishna and did better than Jessi*can’t* and *No*lexander ! If I get a relationship, I want it be precisely like Ieva and her Hubbo’s. GET A LIFE!!

ALL HAIL THE QUEEN OF EUROVISION 2018

Thank you for reading this ranking, it’s been a blast! See you on the 1st of April 2019 for the #TelAviv2019 preshow ranking. God bless you and shalom! 

EUROVISION 2018 - POST SHOW

01. Lithuania (Ieva Zasimauskaite - “When we’re old”) 02. Moldova (DoReDoS - “My Lucky Day”)

03. Estonia (Elina Nechayeva - “La Forza”)

04. Slovenia (Lea Sirk - “Hvala, ne!”)

05. Switzerland (ZiBBZ - “Stones”)

06. Germany (Michael Schulte - “You let me walk alone”)

07. Albania (Eugent Bushpepa - “Mall”)

08. France (Madame Monsieur - “Mercy”)

09. Hungary (AWS - “Viszlát nyár”)

10. Finland (Saara Aalto - “Monsters”)

11. Bulgaria (EQUINOX - “Bones”)

12. Denmark (Rasmussen - “Higher ground”)

13. Malta (Christabelle - “Taboo”)

14. Cyprus (Eleni Foureira - “Fuego”)

15. United Kingdom (SuRie - “Storm”)

16. Serbia (Balkanika - “Nova Deca”)

17. Portugal (Cláudia Pascoal - “O jardim”)

18. The Netherlands (Waylon - “Outlaw in ‘em”)

19. Ukraine (MÉLOVIN - “Under the ladder”)

20. Macedonia (Eye Cue - “Lost and Found”)

21. San Marino (Jessika ft. Jenifer Brening - “Who We Are”)

22. Sweden (Benjamin Ingrosso - “Dance You Off”)

23. Austria (Cesár Sampson - “Nobody but you”)

24. Latvia (Laura Rizzotto - “Funny girl”)

25. Azerbaijan (AISEL - “X my heart”)

26. Israel (Netta - “Toy”)

27. Norway (Alexander Rybak  - “That’s how you write a song”)

28. Montenegro (Vanja Radovanovic - “Inje”)

29. Armenia (Sevak Khanagyan - “Qami”)

30. Poland (Gromee ft. Lukas Meijer - “Light me up”)

31. Greece (Yianna Terzi - “Oniro mou”)

32. Georgia (Iriao - “For you”)

33. Belgium (Sennek - “A matter of time”)

34. Italy (Ermal Meta & Fabrizio Moro - “Non mi avete fatto niente”)

35. Romania (The Humans - “Goodbye”)

36. Ireland (Ryan O'Shaughnessy - “Together”)

37. Croatia (Franka - “Crazy”)

38. Belarus (ALEKSEEV - “Forever”)

39. Russia (Julia Samoylova - “I Won’t Break”)

40. Spain (Amaia & Alfred - “Tu canción”)

41. Iceland (Ari Ólafsson - “Our choice”)

42. Australia (Jessica Mauboy - “We got love”)

43. Czech Republic (Mikolas Jozef - “Lie to me”)

HALL OF BORIS BUBBLES EUROVISION FAVES (1972-2018) 1972: the Netherlands (Sandra & Andres - “Als het om de liefde gaat”) 1973: United Kingdom (Cliff Richard - “Power to all our friends”) 1974: Sweden (ABBA - “Waterloo”) (ed: totally by default btw. Shit year.) 1975: Germany (Joy Fleming - “Ein Lied kann Eine Brücke Sein” )  1976: Luxembourg (Jürgen Marcus - “Chansons pour ceux qui s’aiment”) (😂) 1977: Belgium (Dream Express - “A million in 1-2-3″) (ed.: top five ESC year) 1978: Israel (Izhar Cohen & Alfabeta - “A Ba Ni Bi”) 1979: Germany (Dschinghis Khan - “Dschinghis Khan”) 1980: Luxembourg (Sofie & Magaly - “Papa Pingouïn”) 1981: Belgium - (Emly Starr - “Samson”) 1982: Germany - (Nicole - “Ein Bißchen Frieden”) 1983: Israel (Ofra Haza - “Hi”) 1984: Ireland (Linda Martin - “Terminal 3″) 1985: Turkey (MFÖ - “Didai, Didai, Dai”) 1986: Belgium (Sandra Kim - ”J’aime la vie”) (même si c’est une folie!) 1987: Belgium (Liliane St. Pierre - “Soldiers of Love”) (ed.: top Five esc entry) 1988: Switzerland (Céline Dion - “Ne Partez Pas Sans Moi”) 1989: Denmark ( Birthe Kjær -  "Vi maler byen rød") 1990: Yugoslavia/Croatia (Tajci - “Hajde, da ludujemo) 1991: Sweden (Carola -  “ Fångad av en stormvind”) (ed.: top five ESC entry) 1992: Denmark (Lotte Nilsson & Kenny Lübcke - “Allting som ingen ser”) 1993: the Netherlands (Ruth Jacott - “Vrede”) 1994: Germany (MeKaDo  - “Wir geben ‘ne Party”) 1995: Cyprus (Alexandros Panayi - “Sti fotia”) 1996:  Croatia (Maja Blagdan - “Sveta ljubav”) 1997: Poland (Anne-Marie Jopek - “Ale jestem”) (ed.: Top five ESC year) 1998: the Netherlands (Edsilia Rombley - “Hemel en aarde”) (I think???? lol 😬) 1999: Croatia (Doris Dragovic - “MARIJA MAGDALENAAAAAAA”) 2000: Latvia (Brainstorm - “My Star”) (ed.: top five ESC entry) 2001: France (Natasha St. Pier - “Je n’ai que mon âme”) (but also, nobody) 2002: Spain (Rosa - “Yooropz leebin a selebrayshun”) (ed.: this trashfest <3) 2003: Germany (Lou - “Let’s get happy”) (and let’s be GAY!) 2004: Albania (Anjeza Shahini - “Image of you”) 2005: Romania (Luminita Anghel and Sistem - “Let me try”) (Ed.: top five year) 2006: Iceland (Silvia Night - “Congratulations”) (ed.: 2006 SF > 2006 GF 😬)   2007: Georgia (Sopho - “Visionary Dream”) (ed.: i have about 9 absofaves from this year though lol) 2008: Iceland (Euroband - “This is my life) 2009: Iceland (Yohanna - “Is it true?”) (ed.: top five ESC entry) 2010: Albania (Juliana Pasha - “It’s all about you”) 2011: Germany (Lena - “Taken by a stranger) (ed.: top 5 entry, bottom 5 year >_<) 2012: Sweden (Loreen - “Euphoria”) (ed.: as with ABBA Loreen wins my ranking by default because this year is mostly rubbish.) 2013: Greece (Koza Mostra - “Alcohol is free”) (ed.: personal fave ESC year :)) 2014: Slovenia (Tinkara Kovac ft. Lea Sirk - “Round and round) (ed.: top five ESC year) 2015: Latvia (Aminata - “Love Injected”)  2016: Armenia (Iveta Mukuchyan - “LoveWave) 2017: Belgium (Blanche - “City Lights”) 2018: Lithuania (Ieva Zasimauskaite - “When we’re old”) (ooooohhhhhhhh)

#Eurovision #Eurovision 2018 #Eurovision Song Contest #Ieva Zasimauskaitė #When We're Old #Lithuania

[matronoftheblackrose]

New Lore? My thoughts?! Is this clickbait??!

No. As in no, it's not clickbait, I just titled it as such because I can and I'm cruel.

So! Let's get into this, shall we?

My thoughts on the new lore are...are...

Unimportant.

I've been lurking here and there my darlings and dears, and I have kept silent watch. So, what am I going to be posting about if my thoughts on the new lore is unimportant? Well, I'm going to detail why it's unimportant.

What exactly is dissecting the new lore going to yield? Nothing. If you enjoy it you enjoy it, and it should spark your creativity and it should spark new thoughts and possibilities and you should enjoy it, and not be ashamed that you do. I stopped all of my posting because well, I do not enjoy it and even if I do a Mr. Plinkett equivalent style rant, what's it going to actually yield? Nothing, because my opinion's not been asked for, and whatever my thoughts may be on it, well, do you really care? Really? Does someone dissecting it into the core and the meat of it really sway your thoughts and your opinions? The answer's no, because this is not the platform for it.

So, something I've been seeing from the sidelines is how characters are changed, and I won't lie I've done that too. But hey, at least Swain's still the leader of Noxus, and hasn't gone and become a vigilante like Warwick nor has he gone and ascended and lost his native country like Soraka who is now Targonian in her new updated biography but keeps her old biography when you click onto the League entry. Normally I'm not an extremist in the sense of "You must hate everything, or you must love everything", but I think by this point it should be evident to everyone (except Riven because no one remembers her in writing) that the lore is going to change for every champion. You have to accept that it'll happen because it's not your world, not your work, and if you want to keep at it then go ahead, but that's why it's a fandom- you're the fan.

Now I'm not one to defend the new lore (go ahead and read my archives, I hide nothing- or do I? dun dun dun), but I need to make something very, very clear: Noxus being related to Rome is not something I disagree with. Is making them more "morally grey" a bad thing? Maybe it is, maybe it's not, and although they don't have the literal goddamn skull mountain anymore (Thank fuck they got rid of that, that thing was stupid) they have a literal Palpatine Khadgar Hot Daddy Sauron's Human Form Fan Idea as the leader. Triumvirate or not, they want to pull historical references, there were 2 Roman triumvirates: Caesar's and Octavius'. Guess how those went- the 3 people bickered, turned on each other and one came out on top. If that doesn't happen with the literal Love Child of Darth Vader Ozzy Osborne Motherfucker at the helm of all this then colour me surprised.

Is Riot's writing nuanced? No. As far as what I have read it is not nuanced, it is not deconstructing the genre it is not groundbreaking it is not subverting expectations. Didn't before, didn't now, won't in the future. However, when criticizing the writing, something I want to make abundantly clear is this: Make sure you know what you're talking about.

Reading Noxus' colonial methods of conquering places and forcing people to fall under their foot or be crushed, is it problematic? You can say the word choice is off, but the point is being missed. Is it being justified? Maybe, but is that because of sloppy writing or because they're trying to secretly inject the idea that colonialism or absolutism in government control is the best and if you go against the state you need to be removed (I wonder who owns Riot!). But you cannot say in the same breath that Riot are sloppy writers who are also encoding colonial ideas into their writing because that takes actual talent to do so without being overtly obvious.

No, the question isn't "Is Riot Secretly Condoning Colonialism!?" or "Is Riot Condoning Masters Raping Slaves?!" (yes this is something I read) when the question you should be asking is, "Who the hell is this colonialism happening to?" Not in reality, I mean in the bloody story I'm not making the argument that it doesn't happen in reality so on and so on.

If I say Roman expansion I know that cultural assimilation was a common Roman tactic which is how the expansionist empire came to be and people like Augustus tried to stop it so the Roman empire wouldn't collapse from the sheer size. Who did it affect? Well let's see, Rome conquered Britain, Syria, Byzantium, Carthage, Gaul, Spain and parts of Germany from the few cultures I can remember.

Who the hell is Noxus conquering? Shurima? Ionia except they're losing the war still? The Freljords? Piltover/Zaun? Some place we never heard of?

If you say any of these fictional countries are scored for Noxus' conquest then ask yourself this- why wasn't this ever addressed in any of the past lores? Because this is what happens when you write by the literal seat of your pants and you are expected to turn out whatever it is you can. It took them 6 years to make that Annie short (Granted 2 years in production), and I am making the argument that there's not enough time to actually sit down and create a fully fleshed world for 130 independent characters who maybe have to all be protagonists in their own right.

When this question cannot be answered confidently, then why the heck is there any discussion about the moral relativism or moral absolutism or the acceptance of colonialism when the very basic premise of it all is missing. This Noxus is morally grey?

As morally grey as this guy maybe:

(Let's give him a hug)

So maybe it'll be rewritten so Noxus has conquered some who gives a crap lands, maybe Alistair will be remembered maybe he won't, but the main fictional countries have no reason to really dislike Noxus. There's no narrative reason. When the very premise of it all fails, ask yourself: Is it poor writing, is it rushed writing, what's the actual issue at hand? It's not those Dove commercials that can be easily misinterpreted, it's "This will work for now and we'll see next year if we have to make changes". Tell me if I'm wrong, then I'll point you at every champion (except Riven) that's been changed. Spoiler: More than 100 of the champions have had their lore changed.

There are reasons I can come up with, and reasons you all can come up with, and I hope you do because it's a good exercise in writing, but you are looking at a company that is juggling ladders, didn't change Singed's lore for literal years then forget to change Soraka's lore to be her new Targonian aspect.

https://puu.sh/zimaX/143cc47a72.jpg

https://puu.sh/zimbz/03ee62681c.jpg

Word choice is their last concern. But is it worth nitpicking all of this?

Yes and no. Yes for your own development, no if all you do is just sit there and whine every time something new comes out and you decide you need to make everyone else feel stupid for liking it.

My favorite Batman movie is "Batman and Robin". I shit you not, I dare you to fight me on it, I'll have that Bat credit card in hand ready to defend it to the death, just like the ice age killed the dinosaurs. Ice pun.

The point is guys, honestly, just freaking go have some fun. That's the point of the fandom. Go have fun, go worldbuild, and if it's not going the way you like guess what- you can pack your stuff and make your own things. Funny things about archetypes- everyone uses them, and just because you developed it here it doesn't mean it's invalidated in your own work. Just bloody have fun with it, poke fun at it, but don't get all uppity about it because guess what- all that time, all that energy I know that I've spent, was better spent in just pursuing my own thing.

Heck, I see a lot of people in the fandom who adjusted, had fun and are actually pursuing things in Riot, and that's great for them! Legit, that's awesome and I'm so glad to see people do that! You're furthering your careers, you're having fun and you're doing something you like!

Just because I may not like the new stuff doesn't mean I should invalidate, or drag you down so you can feel bad about it too.'

Also Swain looks hot as fuuu-

#League of Legends #Noxus #Lore

[omfgtrump]

The Tale of Two Viruses: Part 8

The greatest president who ever lived announced at one of his reality show press conferences that he was forming the “Great American Economic Revival Industry Groups.”

The biggest, the best, the greatest business people anywhere were going to get this country going, right? Full steam ahead. America’s economy will be blazing in no time.

One problem: The great blusterer forgot to inform many of the greats that he was calling on them. Who does that kind of thing? Did he just forget to tell them? Did he make it up on the spot? Or is he so grandiose that he believed the mere mention of their names from his lips would automatically make them members of an imaginary committee?

Richard Trumka, the president of the A.F.L.-C.I.O. found out while The Don was giving his briefing.

The head of Pfizer who was also blindsided by its inclusion in the group, receiving a heads-up that Mr. Trump might mention the company an hour before the announcement, with no information about how many other companies were involved or what the purpose of the group was.

The pattern of confusion appeared to be repeating itself with members of the House and Senate who were abruptly notified through an email that they had been selected for a congressional task force on reopening the country.

“The purpose of the task force is to provide counsel to the president on the reopening of America in the wake of Covid-19,” the email continued. “The formal name of this task force has not yet been announced.”

It’s a little bit like fantasy football. You pick players that have value but they don’t know you picked them. If you were to run in to one of them for real and tell them they were on your fantasy team they would look at you and say “that’s cool man, but some of us are due back on the planet earth.”

And then there was the check thing. The government is sending $1,200 to most Americans to help them during the financial crisis.  Funny thing happened on the way to issuing the checks: the process was delayed because The Don, in a move unprecedented in our country’s history, insisted that his signature be on checks.

When someone mentioned that having his signature would delay people receiving the money it is rumored The Don said:

“Then let them eat cake!”

When his aide asked him if he knew the historical figure said that he said: “Me, it’s me, I just made that up.”

“Actually it was Marie Antoinette,” said the aide.

“Is that another woman wanting to be paid off because…you know?

“No, Mr. President, she was the French Queen during the French Revolution.

“So?”

“The people of France revolted, and they chopped off her head by guillotine.”

“Must have been quite a bitch. Isn’t my signature beautiful? My letters are like mini Trump Towers. I think people should think twice about cashing them and just frame them. One day they are going to be worth a lot of money, like rare coins.”

After having his name put on the checks, The Don actually stood at the podium in one of his press conferences and said he wasn’t sure how his name got on the checks. You can’t make this stuff up!

And how about banks having permission to garnish money from their customers if accounts are in arrears. So instead of people getting money they desperately need, the banks are filling their coffers. So imagine you have no job, are running out of money for food and you need that money to survive. Oops, sorry, no money for you. The administration could have made sure the banks didn’t take any of the $1,200, but banks rule and people drool.

In this week’s episode of “Survivor” The Blusterer-in Chief declared he was king and could tell the states that they had to do what he said. The Governors pushed back and The Don backed down but not for long.

He decided to go after specific democratic governors supporting protests by Trumpites who declared they were staying home no more. “Liberate Michigan. “Liberate Minnesota.” “Liberate Virginia,” he tweeted after observing the rally on the Capitol steps of Michigan.

The rally was organized by Owen Shroyer, the host of a show on Infowars, a website founded by the right wing nut, Alex Jones, who traffics in conspiracy theories. Mr. Shroyer told his Infowars audience this week that the Coronavirus was part of a scheme by the Chinese Communist Party and the “Deep State” to undermine Mr. Trump, and that reports of overwhelmed hospitals like those in New York were “propaganda.”

The person responsible for the safety of 330 million people is championing conspiracy theorists who believe the virus is a plot to dethrone The Don. Makes you really feel safe. The Don is not interested in saving lives; he is only interested in externalizing the blame for this horrendous situation on someone else.

Delusional Don. So desperate for the economy to come roaring back because he believes it is his path to re-election. The Don’s incapacity to take advice from anyone and understand what needs to be done to begin to open things up in a manner that can be successful, works against his own best interests. If he ramped up the testing dramatically, the data would help us understand how to proceed. But data be damned. In the end, his plan to open up too soon and his brazen egging on of Americans who want to do what they want, will lead to more deaths and a worse outcome for the economy.

Here is what one of The Don’s supporters, Representative Trey Hollingsworth of Indiana, said. He acknowledged the chance of “loss of life” from an early end to social distancing but asserted, nonetheless, that it was better than the alternative. “It is policymakers’ decision to put on our big boy and big girl pants and say it is the lesser of these two evils,” he said to a local radio station.

“Put on your big boy pants everyone and get up and dance. We are going to kick some mother fuckin ass. So Corona watch out because you are just some silly old virus and I have lots of guns. Governors get out of our way. So bring it on. “Live free or die (hard).”

If they are looking for a theme song, how about this.

We ain’t going to stay home no more,

Home no more, home no more,

And if you try to make us stay

We will simply blow you away.

Let’s check in with the virus and see how it feels about all this? How it’s doing in the game of “Survivor.”

“You can’t close America,” chanted the people.

“Absolutely not said the genius devil virus, smirking.”

“I love it” says the virus.

“The American spirit is awesome! Come on people, what you waiting for, spring is upon us. Things are blooming, the world beckons you. You have been lonely too long. You’ve been thwarted too long. Your freedom is not for the taking. Your man with the orange hair is urging you to take back America from those tyrannical governors. Just love, love, love that he is saying “Liberate Michigan, Liberate Minnesota.” I just Love, love, love that he is promoting faulty anti-body tests and says things like America can get back to work ‘by showing us who might have developed the wonderful, beautiful, immunity.’ Promote more false information Mr. Orange and I will get more deadly every day. This is so much fun. My cousins in Germany are feeling stifled by a lady called Angela. I thought presidents were supposed to protect people? Has the devil finally come to inhabit America?”

So get out there, America. No one is going to fuck with you, macho motherfuckers. You got the ammo. But last time I looked guns didn’t work with viruses. This game of “Survivor” is fun.”

“And one more thing. A special shout-out and thank you to Governor Desantis in Florida for opening up the beaches. I need a good tan and what better way to do that then to sprawl out on a beach blanket with some people who are (yuck, yuck) drinking Coronas. It’s like people swimming with sharks, but on land!”

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[vivaindiffrnce]

 GERMANY TOUR: WIESBADEN, LINDAU AND LEIPZIG

probably the best three days of my life. definitely the most adventurous weekend ever.

(more after the cut cause that post would be way too long without it) (but yooo read it if you can it was an Adventure)

(i’m gonna do it in bullet points cause After Tour Sickness is real and i’m pretty cure i have fever lmao)

WIESBADEN:

patrick and i drove from his place to wiesbaden around 10

played werewolves and cards against humanity with derek (he picked my card in his round B) he liked the idea of heaven being full of puppies)

derek smoked my weed and stole brendon’s lighter because he got “inspired”

pro tip: if you’re planning to eat food out of cans for a few days don’t forget to pack a can opener

the show was amazinggggg 

i ripped my pants and bruised my entire butt in the pit 10 seconds into dirty fucker (i officially have the Real punk ripped pants so i’m happy about that)

after the show we waited for frank, he came out suuuuper late (like 1:30) and came up to the small group of people that were still there, we were talking in a group for a couple of minutes

he asked us what songs we wanted on the setlist so patrick and i were like….. BFF and this song is a curse etc and he included all the songs we asked for in the next setlist uwu

after a few minutes he was like…. so does anyone want some pictures or something, it was hilarious

“my hands are too small to sign this record”

when my turn came i asked for my personalized boozey and the convo went something like

me: sooo i wanted to ask you to draw a boozey for me. but. the boozey is a vampire. how cool is that. a vampire ghost. cara: ALLIGATOR ghost (yea she beat me, that’s so much cooler and i’m gonna work on that tattoo)

then our Squad asked frank for a picture 

basically everyone (including cara) was like “FRANK NO” and frank was like “FRANK YES” (you can see the result of this mess in picture 3 and the gif- thank god for live pictures)

LINDAU:

we drove all night to motherfucking bavaria and after that i was so tired i don’t even remember falling asleep, just waking up covered in blankets with my friends around me

tubthumping officially became our tour song

patrick said i was a highlight of the tour cause i was so delirious i was singing britney spears?

i accidentally rickrolled the entire queue, derek, frnk and the patience and dave hause.

later brendon, patrick and i went to smoke a joint (the dutch culture B)) with derek and a few people joined (haha get it, joined for a joint) and among these people was matt olsson, and miles from the mermaid (but he couldn’t smoke with us after all cause he had soundcheck) so that’s the story how we smoked weed with the homeless gospel choir and ¼ of the patience

started a pit before doors to all star and britney spears and taking back sunday????

derek’s set was A MESS, his guitar cable wasn’t working so he went down to the crowd using patrick’s head to support himself and we went on stage so we switched places (you can see that in one of the pictures, i’m the one sitting on the edge of the stage in my death tshirt)

later he forgot lyrics to crazy

LATER his guitar string broke so he played normal with just 5 strings and for why he got to play frank’s guitar

he was super sad about that set later but for me it was the best show of his out of the ones i saw, it was so magically imperfect and everyone had so much fun

the fiatp show was even more amazing than the show in wiesbaden

i hugged the fuck out of patrick during BFF 

started a 5 person big pit in the front row to this sing is a curse, because MYYYYY FRIENDS WE CAN DO ANYTHING WITH SCIENCE EXCEPT SAY GOODBYE

 we were going right after the show cause we had to drive like 6 hours to leipzig

at like 6am i asked nina to play danger days cause it was finally not raining and when planetary go started playing i realised i was going 160 km/h (context: i’m usually too scared to go over 70 in a 90 zone in poland)

turns out it’d be better if i didn’t go that fast cause later i got a speeding ticket for going over 70 in a 60 zone…… hope i’ll get the lower ticket cause i want to be able to afford to live this month

LEIPZIG

the queue was the coolest and chillest queue ever idk it was awesome

i drew some doodles on a poster hanging around the venue and someone thought they were made by frank so they stole the poster lmao now an emo kid has mine and patrick’s matching tattoo hanging in their room

i did entire choreography to the eye of the tiger on top of a random cabinet in front of the venue

a group of Adults following derek on tour asked us if we wanted some food cause they ordered way too much and didn’t wanna waste it and tbh i was so moved but i couldn’t really show it but i hope that’s the kind of person i will be in a few years

THE BEST SHOW I HAVE EVER BEEN TO

almost passed out like twice but the show was so good i’m pretty sure the only thing holding me up was my will to get to the end of the show

it was so good…. we went soooo fucking hard holy shit

nina and i went so hard to helter skelter wtf that was amazing (who’d think the beatles could make us go that hard)

nina caught evan’s picks and gave one to me!!!!!

met evan and cara after the show and evan signed my record and my pick and cara signed my setlist (she signed it as “coffeebutt” i love her)

ok so after the show frank wasn’t supposed to go out but one girl gave her drawing of frank to derek (to give it to frank you get me) and frank liked it so much he came out of the bus just to find her and he just stayed to say hi to us i guess?

patrick and i asked frank to draw friendship tattoos for us and he drew the most amazing design ever and explained it as “poison and antidote” and the designs are perfect for us holy shit

then we got a hardstyling picture with frank so tbh what more could i ask for? i have officially acheived my final form

matt and alex also signed my record (keep the coffins coming) so now i have ktcc with everyone’s signatures 

i think that alex was kinda… intoxicated so he wasn’t happy when i asked him to sign it cause he “doesn’t play on that record. he plays the songs but he doesn’t actually play on any record” and i didn’t know what to say so i just left lmao

then we talked about politics with evan for a couple of minutes it was great, love me some Woke Guitarists

idk it was amazing idk what else to say

so yeah. 5 shows down, 8 to go. the best time of my life and i can’t wait for friday!!!

#misadventures of charlie #i probably forgot about so many things but those are the Essentials #it was sooooo good #i miss tour A Lot #but i'm so fucking sick i'm glad i have a few days off #cologne on friday!!!!! #brother tag #frank iero #my show #my shows #the patrience #derek zanetti #homeless gospel choir #hell tour 2k17

[underabr0kensky]

BIGGEST GODDAMN SURVEY EVER HOLY SHIT

1- How are you? Content I suppose.

2- Post a picture of yourself. I did yesterday you fuck, go look.

3- Do you ever wish you were someone else? Nah, I’d probably still be messed up as anyone else.

4- What is your entire name? Conner Wade Garcia.

5- How old are you? 24.

6- Age you get mistaken for: I’ve been mistaken for like 19.

7- Your zodiac/horoscope and if you think it fits your personality: Libra, and yeah, the stuff I see is usually fairly accurate.

8- What did you do on your last birthday? Worked, and then slept.

9- What is one thing you would like to accomplish before your next birthday? Uhh...maybe quit drinking?

10- What is your hair color? Dark brown.

11- Have you ever dyed your hair? I had a rat tail when I was like 12 that I dyed blonde.

12- What is your eye color? Hazel, sometimes gray.

13- If you could change your eye color, would you? I’d make them perma-gray.

14- Do you wear contacts/glasses? Yep, I’m fucking blind without my contacts.

15- Your opinion about your body and how confortable you are with it: Meh. It needs work. Fucking pudgy belly.

16- Have you ever considered plastic surgery? What would you alter about your body? Nope.

17- Say 8 facts about your body: That’s a lot, so I’ll say one: I have two scars on my right hand in almost the same place.

18- Do you have any tattoos? Not yet.

19- Do you have any piercings? Nope.

20- Left or right handed? I am a righty, not a subhuman Morlock freak witch person.

21- What’s your sexual orientation? Straight.

22- Do you drink? Yeah, more than I should.

23- Do you smoke? No.

24- Do you have any pets? I wish. I want a kitteh.

25- Where do you work? I don’t right now. I worked at Walmart til like a month ago.

26- Something you are working on right now: Cutting back on my drinking.

27- Do you have any “rules” about food? Nah, but there are some foods I just can’t stand.

28- Where are you from? Tennessee. Ew.

29- What would you say is your best quality? Uhh. I’m good at listening.

30- What do you think you’re really good at? Guitar.

31- What do you think you’re really bad at? Staying sober.

32- What talent do you wish you’d been born with? I’d be happy with not having been born with depression.

33- Are you a bad person? Well I mean I think I kind of suck, but everyone says I’m awesome.

34- Are you nice to everyone? I try to be.

35- Say 3 facts about your personality: I have a temper, I like to listen, and I doubt myself a lot.

36- Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you? Yeah lol.

37- What is your ideal bed? Why? A king bed with a curtain around it, because fuck anyone staring at me sleeping. Unless it’s my girlfriend.

38- Did you wake up cranky? Depends on how early I get up.

39- Do you sleep with a stuffed toy? Sometimes.

40- What do you think about the most? My mind is too all over the place for that.

41- Share 2 habits: Drinking and nail-biting.

42- What you want to be when you “get older”? Financially stable bruh.

43- What are your career goals? To not live paycheck to paycheck. And maybe to not hate my job.

44- What is your ideal career? Musician.

45- Is your life anything like it was two years ago? Fucking fuck no.

46- Do you replay things that have happened in your head? Oh yeah, that’s like 98% of my day.

47- Have you ever had an imaginary friend? Yeah, I have.

48- Say 10 facts about your room: I’m not gonna listen ten, but I have a bunch of band/music posters, there’s an electric drum kit in the corner, there are lots of dragon statues, there’s an Arcueid figure (Tsukihime for anyone who gets that), uhh...Borderlands 2 is paused on my TV right now. And there are many guitars.

49- Do you have any phobias? Spiders, needles, and fucking tornadoes.

50- Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? Yeah, both of them. The therapist stopped practicing which sucked and the psychiatrist was a Godfagging quack.

51- Are you allergic to anything? If so, what? Pollen, rabbits, pork, artificial green apple, cat dandruff, and goldenrod. And amoxicillin.

52- Ever broken any bones? Nope, and I have no idea how.

53- Ever come close to death? Yeah, a couple of times.

54- Things you like and dislike about yourself: Uhh. I like my looks for the most part and my musical talent. Hate pretty much everything else lol.

55- A random fact about yourself: I can curl my tongue. Helps me play the harmonica.

56- What are three things most people don’t know about you? I’ve kissed a guy before, I cry a lot for a guy (or for a person, probably), and I like anime a lot. Specifically stupid slice of life shit and shonen.

57- An unknown fact about your life: Uhh. My stupid fucking taskbar can’t be right clicked. I hate Windows 10.

58- Share something about yourself others might think is weird: I like being choked and slapped in bed.

59- Five weird things that you like: Fried calimari, pineapple on pizza, Wendy’s fries dipped in their chocolate shake (thanks Jess), classical music, and getting drunk outside.

60- Do you have a facebook? If so, would you add the person who sent you this? Yes. And nobody sent me this, I just fill these out as surveys because nobody fucking responds if I just reblog it.

61- Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? Yeah, but they’re not recent. I’m not really active on there anymore.

62- Describe yourself in one word/sentence: Fucked up.

63- A quote you try to live by: “I choose to live rather than just exist” comes the closest, but I’m doing a terrible job of that lol.

64- Leave me a compliment: Uhh. Anyone who reads this, you’re pretty.

Favorites

65- What is your favorite thing to do? Play guitar or listen to music. Or, lately, play Borderlands 2. The DLC is poppin’, yo.

66- What’s your favorite color? Black.

67- What’s your favorite band/singer? Favorite band is Children of Bodom. Favorite singers are James Hetfield, Marc Hudson, Howard Jones, John Lennon, Paul McCartney, Elvis Presley, Anders Fridén, Matt Heafy, Warrel Dane, Amy Lee, probably others I’ve forgotten.

68- What’s your favorite movie? That’s hard. Goodfellas, the Godfather Part I and II, 300, both Avengers movies, Captain America: Civil War, Titanic, Hesher, and Good Will Hunting are some of my favorites.

69- What are your favorite books? The Wheel of Time series, Bag of Bones, the Harry Potter series, The Way of Kings, Words of Radiance, Penpal, Shout!: The Beatles in Their Generation, A Painted House, Jurassic Park, Black Lightning, shit I have a lot more.

70- What is your favorite quote and why? The above quote, because it represents what I wish I could actually do. But ya know. Money.

71- What is your favorite word? Fuck.

72- What is your least favorite word? Money.

73- What is your favorite type of food? Italian food motherfucker. Specifically lasagna.

74- Your favorite ice cream? Heath bar.

75- What’s your favorite animal? KITTEH.

76- Dogs or cats? KITTEHS.

77- Describe your favourite texture: Uhh. Those really soft silky-feeling blankets.

78- What is your favorite flower? A BLACK ROSE EHHHH SO EDGY. Probably daffodils.

79- What’s your favourite scent? And on the opposite sex? The smell right before or after it rains. And on the opposite sex, whatever perfume they like.

80- What is your favorite season? Spring.

81- What are the top five places you wish you could go before you die? Venice, Berlin, Scotland, Norway, and that weird island with the dragon fruit and flat freaky trees that I’ve forgotten the name of and am too lazy to Google.

82- What are four things you can’t live without and why? Internet, phone, music, and cute animals. Because they keep me from fucking murdering myself.

83- Which mythological creature are you most like? Why? I have no idea but I’m gonna take a quiz right now, brb. Apparently I’m a goddamn unicorn, fuck.

84- What’s your favorite television show? House M.D.

85- Favorite place to shop at? Walmart. Fuck shopping bruh.

86- Say 2 facts about your favorite things: Uhh. One has strings and one lives in Germany.

Family, childhood and places

87- Say 4 facts about your parents: My dad is Spanish, my mom has depression, they divorced when I was like 11, and my dad is a medical professional.

88- Are you more like your mom or your dad? I think I’m like. Exactly equal to both of them. It’s frustrating.

89- Do you have any siblings? An older half brother, two younger step siblings, and two younger half brothers.

90- Say 9 facts about your family: That’s too many facts, die. My family is really big though and my dad’s side can speak Spanish.

91- What’s your relationship like with your family? Meh. Not great with my dad, my mom and I are fine though.

92- Say 7 facts about your childhood: There was a lot of stress and emotional abuse and shit. But it was also a better childhood than most people I think.

93- The best and the worst childhood memories: one of my favorites was when I got a PS1 for my birthday. Worst, I have no idea. Whenever my parents fought, which was a lot.

94- Say 6 facts about your home town: It’s tiny, it’s full of rednecks with fucking F10000 penis substitutes, it has a pretty chill as county fair. I know that’s only 4, fuck off.

95- Are you going out of town soon? Nah, I doubt it.

96- Where would you like to live? If I had to stay in America, California. If I could leave, I dunno, probably Norway or Sweden. Somewhere in Europe definitely.

97- What would your dream house be like? Victorian style please.

98- Where would you go on your dream vacation? Italy. I’d get banned from the country for eating all their food.

99- Where you want to be right now? With my girlfriend, or at a beach somewhere.

100- Top three places to visit: Venice, Berlin, Spain.

Friends

101- Would you ever smile at a stranger? Yeah, I do sometimes.

102- Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? Girls. Most of the guys around here act like douches and only ever talk about sports or fucking girls.

103- Who is someone you never tire of? My girlfriend.

104- Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? There are a couple of people.

105- Who is your most loyal friend? Phil.

106- Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? Mhmm. Three people.

107- If your best friend died, what would you do? Get horrendously drunk for days on end and snap at everyone.

108- A reason you’ve lied to a friend: No idea. Probably because I didn’t want to leave my house or something, lol.

109- Have you ever felt replaced? Yeah, sometimes.

110- Say 5 facts about your bestfriend(s): Too many facts. But he is a drummer and he likes roleplaying games.

Relationships

111- The last person you hugged? Not a fucking clue. Sasha I think.

112- Who was your first kiss with? Girl named Jessica. It was in the garden section at Walmart lol.

113- Do you like kissing in public? I fucking love it.

114- Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Yeah, plenty of times.

115- You have a preference for boys or girls? Girls pls.

116- Is the male or female body closest to perfection? I don’t think anything or anyone is perfect, but I prefer the female body.

117- Do you believe in love at first sight? Nah.

118- Do you believe in soul mates? Maybe. I didn’t used to but now I kinda do.

119- What is your idea of the perfect date? I don’t really care honestly. Just something cute and romantic.

120- Based on past relationships or crushes, describe your perfect boyfriend/girlfriend: I like someone who I can talk to and not get bored of, someone who can keep up with my weird thought processes, and someone who doesn’t mind me being a kinky fuck.

121- What is the first thing you noticed in someone? Eyes or face in general, usually. Unless they’re wearing a crazy outfit or something.

122- Are looks important in a relationship? Yeah. They’re not the most important thing but I have to be attracted to someone.

123- What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? There’s not really an external characteristic someone needs to have for me to like them, but I love red hair.

124- What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? No biggie as long as it’s not like a 26 year old dating a 13 year old or something. My ex and I were five years apart.

125- Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? Hahaha. The only two serious relationships I’ve had were on the Internet.

126- Five guys/girls whom you find attractive: The girlfriend, the ex girlfriend, Emma Watson, Olivia Wilde, Mila Kunis.

127- Do you have a crush on anyone? It’s a bit more than a crush.

128- A description of the girl/boy you like: She’s hot as fuck yo. Hotter than you. :D

129- Say 1 fact about the person your like: She has facial piercings and she always loses :P

130- If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? “Can I meet the body I mean person?”

131- When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Whenever I sent the girlfriend the last message lol.

132- Do you think someone has feelings for you? I know she does.

133- Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Probably. Ew.

134- Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? You could say I make a habit of it.

135- Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? Who hasn’t?

136- Anyone you’re giving up on? Nah. Probably should be, but nah.

137- Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Yup.

138- Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? Yeah, the girl I dated throughout high school was kind of a cunt to my friends.

139- Have you ever liked one of your best friends? Yup.

140- Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Mhmm. Scary thought haha.

141- Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? Yes.

142- Is there someone you will never forget? Absolutely.

143- Say five ways to win your heart: Babble at me in a foreign language, cook me Italian food, introduce me to your cat, leave big ass scratches down my back, or act like a sappy romantic fuck.

144- What turns you on? Slapping, choking, hair pulling, biting, scratching, moaning, hard tongue on tongue kissing, girl on girl. I’m a guy. Eat me.

145- What turns you off? Bitchy people and close-minded bigoted fucks.

146- What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Jerk me while you whisper about fucking a girl into my ear and don’t let me cum until you say so. It has been done to me and it was fucking awesome.

147- What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? Probably when I found out Jess had started a separate bank account and was funneling parts of her paychecks into it to help me financially when I moved up there. Nice job fucking that one up, Conner.

148- What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? Honestly I don’t care at this point. Just love me lol.

149- Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? Have you had one written for you? Yes, and no actually.

150- What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? Woke Jess up while she was clearly having a nightmare and held her hand until she calmed down.

151- Are you in love? Yes.

152- Are you in a relationship? Yes.

153- If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? She’s a fucking dork and I love it.

154- Are relationships ever worth it? Yeah, they’re just hard.

155- Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? I don’t think so.

156- Can you commit to one person? Mhmm.

157- Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Yeah, I’ve done it plenty of times lol.

158- Do you ever want to get married? Yes.

159- Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? Maybe. Hopefully.

160- Future names of your children: I do not want kids.

161- Do you get jealous easily? Yeah. Not like possessive jealous, but it’s pretty easy to make me jealous.

162- The last time you felt jealous, and why? I have no idea. Probably when my girlfriend hung out with her shit ex lol.

163- What is your definition of cheating? Anything you wouldn’t want your partner finding out about I suppose. I guess anything past hugging/holding hands.

164- Have you ever been cheated on? Yes.

165- Do you forgive betrayal? Eh. I probably would even though I shouldn’t.

166- Have you ever cheated on someone? Not my proudest moment, but yes, I cheated to get back at her for cheating on me. It did not help.

167- Why did your last relationship fail? Because I was an asshole and I fucked it up.

168- Things you want to say to an ex: I am so sorry, it was entirely my fault, you did nothing wrong and I hope you forgive me.

169- A description of the person you dislike the most: Anyone who has dated my girlfriend. :P

170- If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? I would have no idea wtf she’s apologizing for, but yeah of course.

171- How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? Not a clue honestly. A good many, but most of them haven’t been serious.

172- How long was your longest relationship? Almost 5 years.

173- You’ll love me if… You like musicians I guess?

174- Share a relationship story: Lol okay. So when I went to visit Jess, we went out for dinner with her roommate and her roommate’s boyfriend. And they all went to a super Christian private college. We were trying to keep our relationship sort of on the DL because the school was very gossip-y and Jess grew up in a town of like 700 people and her parents were ridiculous about her dating, much less dating a dude five years older that she met online. But anyway. We finished eating and we were all shooting the shit, and when we got up to take the dishes over to the little conveyor belt thing Jess and I kinda play-wrestled and I knocked a plate on her arm. And she was like “Look you made a mess on my hand” and without even thinking I said “Yeah, that’s what I do” without troubling to keep my voice down and winked like a dumbass. And she turned redder than a tomato and her roommate got this “OMFG” look on her face and Jess punched the shit out of my shoulder hahaha. Ahh. Good memories.

Music, movies and books

175- How often do you listen to music? Pretty much whenever I’m not watching a movie or playing a game.

176- What kind of music you like? I am a metalhead but I like everything.

177- Do you like to dance? I like to mosh.

178- What was the first concert/show you attended? Killswitch Engage with Parkway Drive, Escape Plan and Every Time I Die.

179- Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? Yeah.

180- Share a song that takes you to a certain memory in the past: “Hello” by Adele. Shit was always on the pop station that my ex and I listened to in SD.

181- A song that’s been stuck in your head: “Hoshi no Furumachi” by The Fallen Moon.

182- Put your music player on shuffle and write the first ten songs that play: Oh fuck off, fine. 1. Your Love Kills Me--The Veer Union 2. Everybody’s Trying to Be My Baby--The Beatles 3. Baptism -strings ver.-: Fate/Stay Night OST 4. Bang Bang--Jessie J, Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj 5. What is Eternal--Trans-Siberian Orchestra 6. Big Girls Don’t Cry--Fergie 7. Space Room--Bruce Faulconer 8. The Gun Show--In This Moment 9. Shit Out of Luck--Foamy the Squirrel 10. Blaze Heatnix--Megaman X6 OST

183- A book you want to read/have recently read: I wanna finish reading Bazaar of Bad Dreams.

184- Describe your dream library: Just fucking packed with horror and fantasy and drama books. And biographies.

185- Last movie you just watched: Uhh...Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings.

186- Do you like watching what type of movies? I love horror.

Situations and crazy things

187- You’re in a tattoo parlor about to get inked. What are you getting done? 7-star Dragon Ball on my shoulder.

189- What’s something you can see yourself going to jail for? Pirating too much shit. :P

190- If you could be any character, from any literary work, who would you choose to be? I wouldn’t. Becoming someone else would be shitty.

191- You’re given $10,000…under one condition:you cannot keep the money for yourself. Who would you give it to? My girlfriend probably. Then she could afford a plane ticket :P

192- If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be? Don’t ask me that, I’ll get sad.

193- If you were an element on the Periodic Table, which would you be and why? Polonium. Because it sounds cool.

194- If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? 2016. It was shit.

195- You’re an Action Movie Hero. What’s your weapon of choice and the line you scream when defeating your arch enemy? Give me a badass sword. And I dunno, probably “I’ve got balls of steel”

196- If you could design an amusement park ride, what would it be like? Some bullshit crazy roller coaster that has a 1 in 10 chance of killing you.

197- What is the first curse word that comes to mind? FUCK.

198- What the last party you went to was… and when the next will be… Fuck parties.

199- Halloween costume idea? I was gonna be a Kroger bag for Halloween when I worked at Walmart.

200- What are you supposed to be doing right now? Nothing. I am ethereal.

201- Currently wanting to see anyone? Yes, always.

202- Why you follow me? I can’t, you’re a survey.

203- If you met me what would you do? Wonder how a survey was walking around.

204- Leave me a ridiculous question: Why are you so interested in me?

205- Leave me a cute message: Fluffy cats.

Opinions and beliefs

206- Is the cup half full or half empty for you right now? There is no cup. I smashed it.

207- Do you believe in fate/destiny? Nah.

208- What you wish for on 11:11? Happiness.

209- Do you consider yourself lucky? What’s your good luck charm? Fuck no lol.

210- Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets? Yeah, there’s no way we’re alone in this fuck huge universe.

211- What is your religion, if any? I am not religious.

212- Would you go against your moral code for money? Depends on which part of the moral code and the amount of money.

213- What’s more important to you:strength of the body or strength of the mind? Gimme dem moosels.

214- How important you think education is? If it’s a good education, very important, but the shit that passes for education in America is less important than deciding what kind of toilet paper to buy.

215- If you were the president, what would you do? Die of the anxiety and stress during my inauguration.

216- If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change? Money wouldn’t have turned everyone into a greedy cunt.

217- Is it the thought that counts? Or is that phrase circumstantial? Eh. Depends on the situation. Somebody with no medical training trying to save somebody who was injured and instead ends up accidentally killing them should have just kept their thoughts to themselves.

218- If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do? Buy a plane ticket to Berlin.

219- Which movie character do you most identify with and why? Greg House. Because depression and alcoholism suck.

Feelings and Others

220- Are you a procrastinator or do you get things done early? I procrastinate procrastination.

221- Post a photo/draw a picture/write a poem (pick one) of a moment of personal significance: That is not happening, I am lazy.

222- Say 5 things you love unconditionally: The girlfriend, music, food, the Internet, and kittehs.

223- What motivates you in life? My girlfriend. Seriously if I hadn’t found her I’d be a puddle of vaguely human-shaped sadness on the ground.

224- Something that you’re proud of: I can play guitar.

225- Five words/phrases that make you laugh: “Look at this fucking bird making pasta. Just look at it for fuck’s sake”

226- Share the story of something that makes you smile: Watching all of the “Will it [insert food here]?” videos from GoodMythicalMorning with Jess. Fun nights.

227- Something you always think “what if…” about: You probably know the answer lol.

228- What was something you used to enjoy, but was ruined for you? What’s the story behind that? LotR. Because I watched them with Jess and now they just make me sad, stop making me think about this shit.

229- Describe one of the most awkward experiences of your life: When I tried to dance with my crush in like 3rd grade and had no idea wtf I was doing lmao.

230- Something/someone that you miss: THE GIRLFRIEND. WAKE YO ASS UP.

231- Are you over your past? Not entirely.

232- What is your saddest memory? When she broke up with me, what the fuck did I JUST say.

233- One of the hardest moments in your life: Holy fuck you’re doing this on purpose.

234- Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? YEAH. AS A MATTER OF FUCKING FACT THERE IS.

235- What’s something you want to do that you’d be embarrassed to tell other people about? I wanna go to a vocaloid concert.

236- What was your most embarrassing moment? Fuck if I know. I embarrass myself a lot.

237- Share one of your fears/insecurities: I hate my nasty pudgy belly.

238- Something you’re currently worrying about: Getting a fucking job.

239- Have you done something you regret very much? Yes.

240- If you could take something back that you said or did, what would it be? I would take back what an asshole I was.

241- Does anyone hate you? Probably.

#personal #survey #about me #this fucking thing was huge #i did it over the course of like 3 days

[adambstingus]

5 Directors That Should’ve Stopped After One Movie

Some filmmakers are like marathon winners; they stay consistently strong and fast for an inconceivable amount of time, and when they finish, you are left inspired by their existence. And some directors have careers like my performance in my second grade’s three-legged race. I fell at the start, busted my nose open, and writhed on the ground for a while as my partner walked away from me. The following five directors did similar things in their own metaphorical three-legged races. What began as a burst of glorious potential devolved into something hideous and often embarrassing.

5

Zack Snyder With Dawn Of The Dead

Zack Snyder has always been the Mountain Dew Code Red to Christopher Nolan’s iced coffee. They both direct grand adventure movies, but while Nolan’s philosophy is that of the kid in the back of the freshman year writing class with the scarf, Snyder’s is frat bro existentialism. Snyder is pretty great at examining the darkness that lurks in the hearts of men, but only when those men are grunting at each other, “HOLD ME BACK BEFORE I LAY THIS MOTHERFUCKER OUT, DUDE”-style. In any other case, it’s a toss-up. For example, in Watchmen, he totally got the plight of radioactive superman Dr. Manhattan. But the only female on the team, Silk Spectre, was shot like she was in an impromptu Axe Body Spray commercial.

Read Next

5 Superhero Movies That Are Only Worth It For One Scene

The only movie that Snyder has done that’s consistent throughout is his first, the 2004 Dawn Of The Dead remake. If you haven’t seen it, it’s about a bunch of people being eaten by zombies at the mall. It’s also fantastic in a way that few remakes actually are, mainly because it does not seek to replicate or expand upon the original. A lot of times in horror remakes, directors try to cram in “answers” to questions that they think viewers have, which totally robs the movies of their potency. We’re scared of the things we don’t know. When we say “Oh, man. He uses a chainsaw? What the hell?” we don’t want the director to respond with, “Well, he got his chainsaw from the old slaughterhouse he used to work at.” There’s nothing terrifying about learning where Freddy Krueger shops for his sweaters.

Instead of that route, Snyder actually chops off any of the rough edges of the source material. The original ends with a bunch of bikers attacking the mall that the heroes are in, which leads to a lot of cool gore effects, but bites the face off of the movie’s sense of pacing. It robs us of the intimate climax that Dawn Of The Dead could’ve built to. Snyder’s version doesn’t have that problem, as it’s a horror/action film from the very beginning. Sure, it’s not as satirical as the original, but it doesn’t need to be. Snyder is not interested in creating a horror film that’s also an allegory. The zombies don’t have to represent anything. They can get by when they’re just being spooky zombies. Constantly reminding me that “The real villain … is man” is the best way to get me to hate both zombies and English teachers.

Sadly, Zack Snyder’s next project would be 300, which had cool action scenes but was the movie equivalent of a guy whispering motivational quotes to himself in the mirror at the gym. And since then, all of his films have either been bloated epics or that thing about warrior owls. It’s a shame. Because when Snyder makes films that aren’t really about anything other than what’s on screen, he shines.

4

Terrence Malick With Badlands

Terrence Malick is the #1 “Well, I appreciate his work” director in the world. “Well, I appreciate his work” directors are a rare breed, as they’re usually either obsessively loved or “appreciated.” And by “appreciated,” I mean “I know a lot of time probably went into putting all of those pretty colors on screen, so I can’t hate this one too much.” I truly appreciate Terrence Malick, even though his films feel like staring matches with an old computer’s screen saver.

His first film, though, is a refreshing take on a genre that needs all of the fresh takes that it can get. Badlands is a serial killer movie, and the biggest problem with the serial killer subgenre is that very rarely do such films actually make us disgusted with a serial killer. Instead, we marvel as the killer says awesome quips and performs super sweet serial killer melee moves. Silence Of The Lambs is a great movie, but it’s hard to feel bad about a guy who eats other guys when he’s Jason Bourne-ing his way out of police custody. Yeah, the hero should be the person who hasn’t wantonly killed multiple innocent people, but I saw the killer do a double backflip off the diving board once, so my vote is set.

Badlands makes serial killing look really awful. Like, “Dude in front of you doesn’t know how to work the self-checkout lane” awful. It’s the story of a 15-year-old girl who becomes enamored of a 25-year-old man, and then gets swept up in a life of theft, violence, and cross-country travel when he decides to start murdering South Dakota. So we see the killer through her eyes, and as her opinion of him grows sour, any chance that we have of admiring Martin Sheen’s sweet bangs slowly evaporates too. Sheen is a shitty dude in this one. Like, “Friend who doesn’t put your Blu-ray back in its case and instead just lays it bottom-side-down on the floor” shitty.

3

Roland Emmerich With Universal Soldier

From the mid ’90s to the present, Roland Emmerich has been a constant source of the loud and mediocre (Independence Day, White House Down, Stargate), the loud and dull (Godzilla, The Day After Tomorrow, 2012), and the loud and very, very historically inaccurate (The Patriot, 10,000 BC, Anonymous, Stonewall). He is the “Hold my beer” to Michael Bay, and no matter what trends are popular in Hollywood or how financially successful his previous film was, we can always count on Emmerich to deliver something that somehow damages the intellectual standard of the explosion.

Emmerich started as a filmmaker in Germany, and most of the films that he made there are either impossible to find in America or were released years later and just on video. His first American film to receive a theatrical release was Universal Soldier, which features Dolph Lundgren and Jean-Claude Van Damme as soldiers who get resurrected to become … universal soldiers? I’m not sure what the “universal” thing means, but I guess it’s because, now that they’ve been brought back to life, they’re not limited by the earthly definition of “kicking ass.” They can now kick all the ass in the universe. Side note: This theory is remarkably unconfirmed.

For Emmerich, Universal Soldier is amazingly subtle. And that’s not just because Van Damme is given the emotional range of a yam in this film. It’s mostly a big chase movie, and not just the typical Emmerich “Leave nothing in this major American metropolis un-fireballed” fare. Van Damme and his reporter girlfriend stop in a town, Lundgren catches up to them and shouts, Van Damme escapes, and Lundgren responds with more heavily accented shouting. Compared to Emmerich’s other stuff, Universal Soldier is Driving Miss Daisy.

I don’t know if “limiting the scale” is the key to fixing Emmerich, as he doesn’t have much luck in crafting personal tales. So maybe the key is Dolph Lundgren. Maybe Emmerich made a movie that was one big combustion, but Lundgren absorbed it all, and then released that energy by yelling. I’m no professor, but I think the science works out.

2

Seth MacFarlane With Ted

Seth MacFarlane is a comedy titan. Not satisfied with ruling Fox’s TV animation division, he’s also branched out into movies. And he’s made three so far: Ted, A Million Ways To Die In The West, and Ted 2. Guess how many of those were pretty solid? A hint is hidden in the title of this column.

Ted, the story of Mark Wahlberg and a talking stuffed bear, has some heart in it. There are plenty of movies about dude friends who have problems with each other whenever one of them gets in a serious relationship. They want to drink beer and fart out their dicks, but SHE likes organizing the apartment! Whatever will they do? Ted is still crass, but in centering the conflict around Wahlberg not wanting to abandon a literal stuffed bear, it truly nails home how infantile the whole “bros before respectable type-A females” struggle is. You can still have a fun life and chill with your bear, even if you’re married. And those who don’t understand that are the true dick-farters.

After Ted, MacFarlane made A Million Ways To Die In The West, which most closely resembles those Leslie Nielsen jokes-every-ten-seconds comedies, with the problem being that MacFarlane doesn’t have the warm presence of Nielsen. Nielsen was the comedy genre’s beloved uncle, while as an actor, MacFarlane is still its odd half-cousin. Ted 2 is about teddy bear rights, which expands a few jokes into a two-hour movie. It never ends up being as funny or likable as Ted, and feels like it was made not because MacFarlane wanted to make it, but because a Hollywood executive decided that Ted 2 was their only means of finally getting a third Jacuzzi installed.

1

Eli Roth With Cabin Fever

I’m always hesitant whenever a horror director says they’re making a homage to a certain era of horror films. This is usually because they let the homage aspects outweigh the actually-being-a-good-movie aspects. “But it’s a homage to ’80s slasher films! It’s not supposed to be a masterpiece!” Yeah, but it’s supposed to be competent and somewhat exciting, instead of a 90-minute declaration that you’ve seen Sleepaway Camp multiple times.

One of the only really good ’80s homages is Eli Roth’s Cabin Fever, which is sort of styled after The Evil Dead, but mostly does its own thing. Now, Cabin Fever isn’t perfect. Eli Roth’s writing would actually peak with Hostel Part II, which is a statement that no man should be forced to make. But Cabin Fever feels less like a guy trying to remind you of how great 1983 was, and more like a guy who’s trying really, really hard to make a fun, gory horror flick. Plus, it manages to pull off some gross-out moments that are sincerely shocking. Even in the age of things like The Human Centipede trilogy, which is edgy middle-schooler humor brought to life, Cabin Fever can still make you feel weird.

Roth’s next film, Hostel, desperately wanted to be like one of the graphic Asian horror films that Roth is a fan of. The biggest difference is that stuff like Takashi Miike’s Audition and Kim Jee-woon’s I Saw The Devil manage to place interesting stories and dynamic characters around their torture setpieces. Roth’s characters are a couple of dumb guys, which is meant to say something about how young American adults kind of treat other countries like playgrounds that they can fuck in, but it mostly comes off as Roth needing characters who explicitly won’t grow or change, because an arc doesn’t really vibe with a drill to the chest.

Roth would later make The Green Inferno, a movie that I saw on opening day because I can’t be trusted with my own money or schedule, and his next movie is a Death Wish remake. Remember that series, the one about Charles Bronson putting bullets in crime and crime-related activities? I don’t know whose idea it was to give that movie to the guy whose most famous scene involves cutting someone’s Achilles tendons, but I feel like it might have been a bad call.

Daniel has a Twitter. Go to it. Enjoy yourself. Kick your boots off and stay for a while.

Watch Independence Day right here if you’re a true American, and get one of the cool aliens in adorable Funko form and pity Daniel Dockery for hating everything amazing in the world.

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Nightmarish villains with superhuman enhancements. An all-seeing social network that tracks your every move. A young woman from the trailer park and her very smelly cat. Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits, a new novel about futuristic shit, by David Wong.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/5-directors-that-shouldve-stopped-after-one-movie/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/177815193117

[samanthasroberts]

5 Directors That Should’ve Stopped After One Movie

Some filmmakers are like marathon winners; they stay consistently strong and fast for an inconceivable amount of time, and when they finish, you are left inspired by their existence. And some directors have careers like my performance in my second grade’s three-legged race. I fell at the start, busted my nose open, and writhed on the ground for a while as my partner walked away from me. The following five directors did similar things in their own metaphorical three-legged races. What began as a burst of glorious potential devolved into something hideous and often embarrassing.

5

Zack Snyder With Dawn Of The Dead

Zack Snyder has always been the Mountain Dew Code Red to Christopher Nolan’s iced coffee. They both direct grand adventure movies, but while Nolan’s philosophy is that of the kid in the back of the freshman year writing class with the scarf, Snyder’s is frat bro existentialism. Snyder is pretty great at examining the darkness that lurks in the hearts of men, but only when those men are grunting at each other, “HOLD ME BACK BEFORE I LAY THIS MOTHERFUCKER OUT, DUDE”-style. In any other case, it’s a toss-up. For example, in Watchmen, he totally got the plight of radioactive superman Dr. Manhattan. But the only female on the team, Silk Spectre, was shot like she was in an impromptu Axe Body Spray commercial.

Read Next

5 Superhero Movies That Are Only Worth It For One Scene

The only movie that Snyder has done that’s consistent throughout is his first, the 2004 Dawn Of The Dead remake. If you haven’t seen it, it’s about a bunch of people being eaten by zombies at the mall. It’s also fantastic in a way that few remakes actually are, mainly because it does not seek to replicate or expand upon the original. A lot of times in horror remakes, directors try to cram in “answers” to questions that they think viewers have, which totally robs the movies of their potency. We’re scared of the things we don’t know. When we say “Oh, man. He uses a chainsaw? What the hell?” we don’t want the director to respond with, “Well, he got his chainsaw from the old slaughterhouse he used to work at.” There’s nothing terrifying about learning where Freddy Krueger shops for his sweaters.

Instead of that route, Snyder actually chops off any of the rough edges of the source material. The original ends with a bunch of bikers attacking the mall that the heroes are in, which leads to a lot of cool gore effects, but bites the face off of the movie’s sense of pacing. It robs us of the intimate climax that Dawn Of The Dead could’ve built to. Snyder’s version doesn’t have that problem, as it’s a horror/action film from the very beginning. Sure, it’s not as satirical as the original, but it doesn’t need to be. Snyder is not interested in creating a horror film that’s also an allegory. The zombies don’t have to represent anything. They can get by when they’re just being spooky zombies. Constantly reminding me that “The real villain … is man” is the best way to get me to hate both zombies and English teachers.

Sadly, Zack Snyder’s next project would be 300, which had cool action scenes but was the movie equivalent of a guy whispering motivational quotes to himself in the mirror at the gym. And since then, all of his films have either been bloated epics or that thing about warrior owls. It’s a shame. Because when Snyder makes films that aren’t really about anything other than what’s on screen, he shines.

4

Terrence Malick With Badlands

Terrence Malick is the #1 “Well, I appreciate his work” director in the world. “Well, I appreciate his work” directors are a rare breed, as they’re usually either obsessively loved or “appreciated.” And by “appreciated,” I mean “I know a lot of time probably went into putting all of those pretty colors on screen, so I can’t hate this one too much.” I truly appreciate Terrence Malick, even though his films feel like staring matches with an old computer’s screen saver.

His first film, though, is a refreshing take on a genre that needs all of the fresh takes that it can get. Badlands is a serial killer movie, and the biggest problem with the serial killer subgenre is that very rarely do such films actually make us disgusted with a serial killer. Instead, we marvel as the killer says awesome quips and performs super sweet serial killer melee moves. Silence Of The Lambs is a great movie, but it’s hard to feel bad about a guy who eats other guys when he’s Jason Bourne-ing his way out of police custody. Yeah, the hero should be the person who hasn’t wantonly killed multiple innocent people, but I saw the killer do a double backflip off the diving board once, so my vote is set.

Badlands makes serial killing look really awful. Like, “Dude in front of you doesn’t know how to work the self-checkout lane” awful. It’s the story of a 15-year-old girl who becomes enamored of a 25-year-old man, and then gets swept up in a life of theft, violence, and cross-country travel when he decides to start murdering South Dakota. So we see the killer through her eyes, and as her opinion of him grows sour, any chance that we have of admiring Martin Sheen’s sweet bangs slowly evaporates too. Sheen is a shitty dude in this one. Like, “Friend who doesn’t put your Blu-ray back in its case and instead just lays it bottom-side-down on the floor” shitty.

3

Roland Emmerich With Universal Soldier

From the mid ’90s to the present, Roland Emmerich has been a constant source of the loud and mediocre (Independence Day, White House Down, Stargate), the loud and dull (Godzilla, The Day After Tomorrow, 2012), and the loud and very, very historically inaccurate (The Patriot, 10,000 BC, Anonymous, Stonewall). He is the “Hold my beer” to Michael Bay, and no matter what trends are popular in Hollywood or how financially successful his previous film was, we can always count on Emmerich to deliver something that somehow damages the intellectual standard of the explosion.

Emmerich started as a filmmaker in Germany, and most of the films that he made there are either impossible to find in America or were released years later and just on video. His first American film to receive a theatrical release was Universal Soldier, which features Dolph Lundgren and Jean-Claude Van Damme as soldiers who get resurrected to become … universal soldiers? I’m not sure what the “universal” thing means, but I guess it’s because, now that they’ve been brought back to life, they’re not limited by the earthly definition of “kicking ass.” They can now kick all the ass in the universe. Side note: This theory is remarkably unconfirmed.

For Emmerich, Universal Soldier is amazingly subtle. And that’s not just because Van Damme is given the emotional range of a yam in this film. It’s mostly a big chase movie, and not just the typical Emmerich “Leave nothing in this major American metropolis un-fireballed” fare. Van Damme and his reporter girlfriend stop in a town, Lundgren catches up to them and shouts, Van Damme escapes, and Lundgren responds with more heavily accented shouting. Compared to Emmerich’s other stuff, Universal Soldier is Driving Miss Daisy.

I don’t know if “limiting the scale” is the key to fixing Emmerich, as he doesn’t have much luck in crafting personal tales. So maybe the key is Dolph Lundgren. Maybe Emmerich made a movie that was one big combustion, but Lundgren absorbed it all, and then released that energy by yelling. I’m no professor, but I think the science works out.

2

Seth MacFarlane With Ted

Seth MacFarlane is a comedy titan. Not satisfied with ruling Fox’s TV animation division, he’s also branched out into movies. And he’s made three so far: Ted, A Million Ways To Die In The West, and Ted 2. Guess how many of those were pretty solid? A hint is hidden in the title of this column.

Ted, the story of Mark Wahlberg and a talking stuffed bear, has some heart in it. There are plenty of movies about dude friends who have problems with each other whenever one of them gets in a serious relationship. They want to drink beer and fart out their dicks, but SHE likes organizing the apartment! Whatever will they do? Ted is still crass, but in centering the conflict around Wahlberg not wanting to abandon a literal stuffed bear, it truly nails home how infantile the whole “bros before respectable type-A females” struggle is. You can still have a fun life and chill with your bear, even if you’re married. And those who don’t understand that are the true dick-farters.

After Ted, MacFarlane made A Million Ways To Die In The West, which most closely resembles those Leslie Nielsen jokes-every-ten-seconds comedies, with the problem being that MacFarlane doesn’t have the warm presence of Nielsen. Nielsen was the comedy genre’s beloved uncle, while as an actor, MacFarlane is still its odd half-cousin. Ted 2 is about teddy bear rights, which expands a few jokes into a two-hour movie. It never ends up being as funny or likable as Ted, and feels like it was made not because MacFarlane wanted to make it, but because a Hollywood executive decided that Ted 2 was their only means of finally getting a third Jacuzzi installed.

1

Eli Roth With Cabin Fever

I’m always hesitant whenever a horror director says they’re making a homage to a certain era of horror films. This is usually because they let the homage aspects outweigh the actually-being-a-good-movie aspects. “But it’s a homage to ’80s slasher films! It’s not supposed to be a masterpiece!” Yeah, but it’s supposed to be competent and somewhat exciting, instead of a 90-minute declaration that you’ve seen Sleepaway Camp multiple times.

One of the only really good ’80s homages is Eli Roth’s Cabin Fever, which is sort of styled after The Evil Dead, but mostly does its own thing. Now, Cabin Fever isn’t perfect. Eli Roth’s writing would actually peak with Hostel Part II, which is a statement that no man should be forced to make. But Cabin Fever feels less like a guy trying to remind you of how great 1983 was, and more like a guy who’s trying really, really hard to make a fun, gory horror flick. Plus, it manages to pull off some gross-out moments that are sincerely shocking. Even in the age of things like The Human Centipede trilogy, which is edgy middle-schooler humor brought to life, Cabin Fever can still make you feel weird.

Roth’s next film, Hostel, desperately wanted to be like one of the graphic Asian horror films that Roth is a fan of. The biggest difference is that stuff like Takashi Miike’s Audition and Kim Jee-woon’s I Saw The Devil manage to place interesting stories and dynamic characters around their torture setpieces. Roth’s characters are a couple of dumb guys, which is meant to say something about how young American adults kind of treat other countries like playgrounds that they can fuck in, but it mostly comes off as Roth needing characters who explicitly won’t grow or change, because an arc doesn’t really vibe with a drill to the chest.

Roth would later make The Green Inferno, a movie that I saw on opening day because I can’t be trusted with my own money or schedule, and his next movie is a Death Wish remake. Remember that series, the one about Charles Bronson putting bullets in crime and crime-related activities? I don’t know whose idea it was to give that movie to the guy whose most famous scene involves cutting someone’s Achilles tendons, but I feel like it might have been a bad call.

Daniel has a Twitter. Go to it. Enjoy yourself. Kick your boots off and stay for a while.

Watch Independence Day right here if you’re a true American, and get one of the cool aliens in adorable Funko form and pity Daniel Dockery for hating everything amazing in the world.

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Nightmarish villains with superhuman enhancements. An all-seeing social network that tracks your every move. A young woman from the trailer park and her very smelly cat. Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits, a new novel about futuristic shit, by David Wong.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/5-directors-that-shouldve-stopped-after-one-movie/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/09/06/5-directors-that-shouldve-stopped-after-one-movie/

[justyouraveragecognitionhoe]

my almost-maybe-probably-was-it-a-date-date pt. 2

so here’s part two and i’m just copying it from fb because i’m tired af and idk if i’ll remember it all and i just wanna get the story down. actually, maybe i’ll buff it up a little. i’ll post it as a skeleton. you guys don’t need to know this or care but yeah that’s my brain. also this version feats. more details so to my friends that got the story before, buckle your seatbelts motherfuckers, cause this version has the behind the scenes details cause i actually remember this day so well and there was so much more to everything that we did.

so i went over to the boy's room. we exchanged pleasantries and he started to get things ready for the night. that sounds like there was a lot to prepare, there wasn’t much just getting the drinks and seating. he pushed two chairs together and put a blanket on them so we could make a couch. and then we had another blanket on top of us. he would like shoulder nudge me at times when he made a joke or was being salty. and our knees were leaning against each other the whole time. he gave me some brandy and asked if i’d ever had it before and i said no. he warned me that it’s a little different the first time you have it. i took a sip and was good for like .2416 of a second and then started coughing and he chuckled a little bit cause he was expecting it. i apologized immediately and was like “i’m not usually like this with my alcohol i think it’s because i’ve been getting a little sick lately.” and i’ll never forget this, he looked at me and said  “emma, *mini cute chuckle while looking at the floor thing he does* i don’t care if that is how you are” as in, he doesn’t care whether or not i cough when i drink strong liquor it doesn’t change the way i view you, and it just made me feel so comfortable. oh, i also hella burp when i drink anything that isn’t water and i felt really comfy to burp in front of him. i usually am anywhere i go but sometimes i try to limit it in front of a guy but i felt no need to with him. i think it shocked him a little cause i’m a small person and my burps are larger than fucking life yo but once he idfk how to word this heard? learned? whatever after he got the hang of it (my burps), it was not surprising and he accepted me and my burps and coughing. i learned to just sip the brandy and even then i’d still cough a little and after a few more coughs he was like “here let me get you some water” and i was like “yes plz ty fam” not actually but yeah i was grateful. okay so once we’re all settled he starts up netflix and before he starts luke cage, he looks at me and gives me a small spiel, “first of all, i really don’t like it when people talk or ask questions in the middle of a movie or show so if you have any questions i want to get them out of the way now. i’m on episode 7, i’m not going to start from the first episode because, as you’ll see when we start to watch, this show goes really slowly and it’s a lot to rewatch so i’ll just give you the run down of the past plots and characters, oh! and if you ever do run into a question in the middle, the keyboard is right here, push space bar, pause the show and ask me.” of which i totally understood where he was coming from i’m the same way when watching and sat and listened as he updated me. then we watched luke cage. i never felt the need to pause it but there were a few occasions he actually leaned forward and paused the show to tell me things. little details or facts or how this connected it to a different tv show in that universe. it was really kind of him to take the time to stop it and tell me because i never would have known. we drank more brandy. the show ended. we were both pretty tipsy at this point in time. and smoothie boy’s roommate is such a happy sweet drunk. very smiley the whole time through. we talked about colors. he has this thing on his computer to change the brightness from like day to night viewing ya know that shit and it fucking tripped me out when he switched between the two. i’d even be fascinated sober fam that shit is my shit. and mantis shrimp. he told me that even though they have the ability to see more colors than we can fathom, their brains capacity is too small so they can’t even comprehend that they can see that many colors. it honestly made me really sad then and i still get sad over it now. and listened to some imagine dragons and really appreciated the cover art. i told him how i fucking loved triangles and how i call myself a triangle enthusiast and he laughed with such joy in his face hearing that and said he really appreciated my love for triangles. andddd he explained some science about why bikes turn. i learned that he's doing a triathlon. we talked about that for a fair share of time and all his training and stuff. and then we talked about languages and what we know and what we want to learn. he thinks it’s really cool that i’m learning so many languages and already know so many and he wants to live in germany eventually. i too would love to live in germany. it felt pretty awesome to share the want to live somewhere else with someone. we’re both pretty tired of the u.s. and want to go somewhere else. i wanna say we drabbled on a little longer about random stuff to fill the dead space until he told me he was tired and needed to rest he had a lot to do the next day and i was like fosho man and started to head out and then he was like “wait!” and made his way between the chairs and gave me this beautiful warm hug and i just fit right into him. i always think about that. he stopped me to hug me bye. he could’ve just said bye from his chair as i left the room but he clumsily maneuvered his way over to me to hold me before we ended the night. it was such a v nice night. i was so happy. It was so nice and left me feeling so soft and warm.

#may 29 2017 #smoothie boy's roommate #lmaolovekinda™ #my almost-maybe-probably-was-it-a-date-date pt. 2 #brandy #luke cage #couch #chair #blanket #colors #talking #tipsy #coughing #germany #lanugaues #traingles #imagine dragons #brightness #hug #hold #skinship #water #netflix #comfortable #cover art #happy #soft #warm