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katscatnip · 3 days

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Listening to one song on repeat

My experience with listening to a certain sound or song on repeat for long periods of time.

Shown below all this text is my most recent streams on Spotify. as you can see,, there is just one song listed, and that's because It's all I've listened to for the past 2 days or so.

I have done this kinda thing sing as long as I recall having personal access and control over what I listen to. my earliest memories of it being the time my mom let me chose the song we play on the sound system (the song in question was Rock the Nation by Michael Franti) and i would constantly ask her to "play it again!" until she couldn't handle it anymore. Next it was when we bought the Curious George movie on CD and in the bonus features, there was a music video for the song played earlier in the movie Upsidedown by Jack Johnson (again was eventually asked to stop playing it over and over lmao.

Next was when i was old enough to stay for the "after school program" it essentially let the kids get into fun toys and boardgames and such and what I would do every single time is find one of the three sony CD walkmen in the electronics box, put in the Shrek soundtrack cd and set SmashMouth's allstar to loop, then proceed to walk up and down the gym's left wall gliding my fingers against the textured grout for the next hour and a half to three hours depending if it was an extended day.

Next was another walkman, my older sibling's bf at the time would bring one over with him when he visited along with his latest playlist burned to a cd and would let me borrow it. this is when I heard the oh-so-familiar and desired FireFlies by Owlcity (my current fav song at the time that I could only hear on the car radio when going into town) where I would proceed to lie on my upper bunk bed in complete darkness and imagine I was in space.

Another time was when a different friend would bring over their iPod and I would loop a couple greenday and Metallica songs over and over (I don't remember the song names now lmao)

Fast forward to my teen years im actively annoying my siblings after playing a song 7 times too many. yada yada ya-

I am aware of that now,,

my friends have been pointing out traits that were worth looking into for a while and I finally did and ya. when I went in they said it was not hard to notice and identify it from the moment I walked in the door.

Anyway, this post isnt about that its actually about how self-aware and insecure I've become from having others perceive this part of me. I've never really had any bad experiences aside from the occasional family member shout at me to "stop playing the same song" which is whatever.

The real issue for me is things like Spotify Wrapped and the idea that what I listen to as an auditory stim is perceived as my "taste" in music and such. i guess its rooted in maintaining a kind of character in the social aspect, and feeling like I have to make what I listen to look palatable to peers and that means having a high listen count and knowledge of artists whose music has meaning and depth while also not being caught listening to the opposite (breakcore, hyperpop, noise, goofy nonsensical hip-hopy stuff, etc)(?)

Which I'm finding to be stackingly exhausting and I think I've trying this year and lastyear to give myself the grace of being me and not conforming to the shape I feel pressured to fit into.

I hear and read a lot of peer's takes or reviews on music and such (which I think is important to have ofc) but it kinda feels to cliquey for me to feel fully comfortable being in those circle's conversations.

sometimes i just like the noises and vibration pattern coming from a specific artist's stuff and don't take in or care about the meaning or depth of a song's lyrics,, anyways yeah. here's some of the semi-recent past loops: (noise warning on some!🔊) 757, Hollywood baby, Improved mashcore, kickback, 3 o'clock things, Being so normal, Uncanny long arms, Leg room, Stuck Inside

below is my current song backslide by 21 Pilots. the tapeworm synth and silly bass drops itch the itch good :+)

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