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brimmsedge · 6 years

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Dream: Sowing the Seeds

The dream starts, with me and someone else. I couldn’t see their face. My point of view was purposefully not looking at their face. Or their voice. It was a hum of a song. No words – Except I knew what she was saying. We were in our future home. My dream house. A cabin in the woods, near the mountains. There’s a cool breeze twirling her hair from the obscured face, and her blue sun dress with flowers on it. Our bare feet touched the cold dirt of the pathway from our house to the garden a few meters away. I say garden but it was more of a greenhouse. Lattice laced walls of vines and a sea of greens. Glass windows for ceiling and most walls – At least, the ones that weren’t crawling in ivy. Just a screen door, and more dirt beyond. I felt like a hobbit. I followed this girl, my wife, into the greenhouse. She pulled me by my hand and tried to hide. I played along and everything slowed down like a music video. I chased her around the flowers, plants, ferns, fruits, and vegetables.

When I finally caught her she lightheartedly fought against my arms as I pulled her close. I kissed her cheek. Then cherry-kissed her neck; blowing my lips against her skin creating a grotesque sound. She laughed and I let her go. She crawled away from my laughing. I got down on all fours and pretended to be a hungry animal and she was my prey. She acted like an innocent, unsuspecting, doe. This time she didn’t let me catch her and when I got close she cheated and got up to run on two legs. Leaving the greenhouse giggling the whole way down the path.

I followed again, teasingly getting upset that she deceived the rules. She entered the house and hid around the corner. When I entered she pounced on me. Kissing me with a burning passion. She’d bite my lip and let go heading upstairs. Then we’d meet again. Each time I left her embrace she’d remove more of her clothes. When we got to her destination, she was naked. We were in the glass bathroom.

Our house was the only one probably for miles. No neighbors. We lived off the food we grew, and if we needed anything, we’d take our four-wheelers up and over the mountain’s path to the garage to get in our trucks or cars and head a few miles into town. Most of the time, we didn’t. We stayed by our little house by the river. We had another bathroom downstairs if we ever felt … compromised. But out here, it was only us.

We took a shower, letting the water rush over us. After a few moments of intense desire we’d have to continue scrubbing off the dirt. She’s insist that I should stop distracting her. After the lust faded, we’d just stare at each other. When I saw her eyes, everything else disappeared. My dream refused to allow me to identify her. She had beautiful blue eyes. She was wearing a flower crown, even in the shower.

After the shower it was dusk. We got clean tunics on and walked to our spot near the river. We had chairs set up and a small bookstand. The tree line was just perfect so we could enjoy the sunset without it blinding us. We sat in opposing chairs with some filled wine glasses between us. I was in the left chair, her in the right. My hand out rubbing my thumb across her rough hand. We didn’t look at each other, but just basked in our presence while reading our books. Every once in a while, she’d look at me. I’d pretend not to notice and she’d smile and go back to reading. When she looked down I’d look up and stare back at her. Marveling in her beautiful soul.

After the Sun faded into the horizon, our automatic lights would kick in. We had a string of lights that hung above the path on small wooden posts. She finished her chapter, lit the small fire pit a few feet in front of us, and crawled on top of me. I wrapped my arms around her. She closed her eyes and let me hold her. I brushed my chin and cheek against the top of her head; nuzzling her. Perfect. No fighting, no disagreeing. I could tell she was hungry, she wouldn’t have to say or bother me. I had stopped reading to just feel her body pressed against mine. My eyes in a deep penetrating gaze locked onto the fire’s core. The cracking of the wood filled the night’s air.

I closed my book where I was and carried her in my arms along the trail back to the house. We cooked dinner. I checked the solar battery from our panels to make sure we had enough energy to work the stove. Time slowed again. Move silly goofing off. She’d hand feed me strawberries while she stirred her soup. I made sandwiches for us on the island counter behind her. Sometimes she’s bump her butt against mine to tease me.

We ate dinner and listened to music. Once we were done in the kitchen we lit candles and shut off the lights to conserve energy. The flicker of flame in her dark eyes, her cracked lip smile, I could feel my heart sink. If it had arms, it would wrap itself in its own arms and close its eyes, snuggling itself. It was so content. No worrying about cheating, no stress about fears. So honest and open. Any problem was our problem. We were a team. Forever. I’ll never need more. No toxic family, friends, social media. We both worked from home. She worked something with IT or computer stuff. Digital artwork. And I was a writer. My office had tons of post-its and notes. When we finished eating we put our scraps in the compost. Everything was biodegradable, eco-friendly. We carried the lantern and wandered to our room. Got undressed and under covers. We snuggled again and she curled up in my arms. Her heart would vibrate and I was a slave to the rhythm of her heart. It played its song and I would listen like it had the only voice in the universe. I remember forgetting about the life I live now. I forgot about being so lost. So broken.

In the middle of the night I woke to the sound of thunder booming over the house. Shaking it. The flash of lightning lit the room to reveal an empty space beside me. I tried to call out her name but I had forgotten it. But the real reason was my throat refused to let me speak. I tried other words. They worked fine. Again, I tried her name. Nothing but broken sounds came. I forced the words out, but my vocals only grinded and halted within me.

The house went silence after the thunder and I was left alone to the utter sounds of my vocals gasping for essence. I threw the blankets off me and wandered down the halls. Searching, looking. But found nothing. I found our dog, Laedyth. She had broken open the door because of the storm outside. But my wife was nowhere to be found. The ring on my finger was missing too.

I sat in my dark living room. The sound of heavy rain clashed against the rooftop. The occasional lightning to brighten the room. It took me a moment to realize the water wasn’t dripping in. I was just crying. My entire face was wet. I could no longer feel my heart in my chest. When I noticed it, I felt it. I turned quick and saw in the distance some distorted space and time. I heard a loud thud of a heartbeat. My eyes would see into the spiritual world. Thousands of miles away brought close enough for me to feel within a few feet. Each time the heart beat it would stretch space thin and be right at my fingertips. Each time was a different location. Causing me to spin my head in the direction of the warped sound.

Louder and louder the heart would beat. Ahhhccckkkk My voice would shout out her name again. I ran through the door I had just shut from Laedyth’s entrance and stood in the pouring cold rain. I dropped to my knees and the thumping of the heart grew louder and louder. THUM. THUM. Now thunder and lightning accompanied it. Faster and faster. Louder and louder. Until the heartbeat was inside my head. Then my chest. I looked down to see a hole in my chest, and a blood tattered skin and golden etched heart staring up at me. I saw no ribs. Just blood red skin, tissue, muscles, and my heart. It had strange golden embers drifting from it. Like it had been burned with holy fire.

But this all happened in an instance. The rapid succession of each beat of the heart until I felt it coursing through my veins and I looked down to see the embers and I gasped for air. For what felt like the first time I had taken a breath. My lungs filled with oxygen. Cool, water. I felt my skin for the first time. My body was so warm compared to the cold rain.

Then I woke up. Gasping for air. Sweating. Thirsty. And Alone.

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