#fictional things arent worth hurting real people over

[sparrowstrikewrites]

Okay, so I don’t normally post personal thoughts on here, but my dash has filled with Star Wars discourse and the incivility is killing me so I’ve got to say something.

Are any of the Star Wars stories perfect (movies, TV shows, comics, books, all of it)? No.

Are they fun? Are there cool space ships, laser swords, and robots? Yes and yes.

Are there complex moral dilemmas and characters? Yes.

Is the fetch quest narrative overused? Maybe.

The Star Wars universe is in my mind one of the greatest sandboxes that fic writers can play in. There’s enough meat/content that you can pick and choose play with whatever you want and enough loose ends that you have a million places to start writing. There are great underdeveloped characters to expand upon and if you ever wanted to drop in an OC, this is one of the best fandoms for it from a writing perspective.

But from a fandom perspective, Star Wars is pretty darn toxic. It’s not just mean discourse on the best trilogy anymore (and that’s was frustrating enough, there’s good bits and bad bits in all of them—no reason to get on a high horse about it). The shipping wars and harassment of the actors is unnecessarily cruel and childish.

The actors all did their jobs to the best of their ability and they deserve respect for that.

At this point, someone is probably thinking “is this going to be a reylo rant?” This is not an anti-reylo rant or a pro-reylo rant, this is a be nice to people even if they ship something you don’t like rant. It is a leave the actors alone unless you have something nice and not creepy to say to/about them rant. If you want to know my ship preferences, we can talk in DMs, but I’m not getting into it here.

Am I 100% satisfied with the ending of this this trilogy? No, but that’s why fanfiction exists— I can read a million different endings that bring me happiness for different reasons.

Outside of the apparently violent divide over reylo, I’m even more bothered by the hate people are getting for multishipping. Maybe I’m old school (funny because I’m not old), but I remember the days where authors made differ AUs for different ships and you either didn’t read the ones you weren’t interested in or you read them all because you loved how that author writes and handles the characters. The mental challenge of looking at the same media and the same characters through different lenses was fun as a reader and made me personally grow as a writer.

Sorry if this comes across as incoherent rambling. I just got really bummed out by how judgemental and mean fandom has gotten. Growing up, fanfiction was a place to explore character dynamics, develop as a writer, and have fun. I don’t like that the next generation of kids don’t seem to be getting that same opportunity. (I say kids, but really this applies to writers of all ages and ability levels).

TLDR;

Writers: tag your work appropriately.

Readers: if you don’t like it don’t read it and don’t post hate.

Fans: remember actors are people and not their characters.

Everybody: treat each other with kindness/respect and remember this whole fandom thing is supposed to be fun.

#fanfiction #relyo #star wars #rise of skywalker #be nice to people #fictional things arent worth hurting real people over

[magioffire]

🍵 how writing dark content somehow means you condone or support that in real life

salt salt salt salt ; accepting

alright this is a topic i got A LOT of thoughts about lets ...lets hope i dont mess up my wrist all over again LOL

ok i dont inherently automatically think that writing a dark topic means you support it irl, or that all dark topics are created equally. tumblr's mentality of "you cannot write this problematic topic but oh this problematic topic is fine" is really....flawed. like writing drug use is a bridge too far but alcohol use is fine? or its never okay to write abuse but murder is okay. hm. no, this is inherently a flawed concept. in my mind, either everything is allowed, or nothing is allowed. now, before i get completely misinterpreted, i also bring up something very important that a lot of people need to be aware of, and consider, when they are writing dark or 'problematic' topics.

1. it is not inherently a bad thing or a reflection upon the author/mun for someone to include dark topics in their writing. what is a better judge of if a writing is truly problematic, or if the author shares those thoughts or may not agree with it, but think that it being fantasy/fictional gives them a free pass, is if the narrative treats the bad thing like the bad thing it is. for example, if a character murders another character in a story, and the narrative never confronts the fact that there are consequences for murdering someone, whether those consequences are society-based, or emotional, or physical, or whatever, there has to be some sort of narrative self awareness where the narrative shows that it is wrong, or at least not a reliable opinon or recount of the story in the case of an unreliable narrative. if your story deals with the topic of revenge, in order for it to be a compelling story about how revenge is a wasteful endeavor, that does more harm than good, or whatever message you are trying to push, the narrative has to acknowledge this. when you are writing racism, even if its fantasy racism, even if your characters are actively or passively being racist, you have to acknowledge in the narrative that this is not factual, this is bullshit, that the character's racism is based in nothing, and while they may firmly believe it, its not true, because racism is based on nothing but false information, fear and hate. if you justify the racism in the narrative, it tells the audience that this racism is okay, justfiable, or 'not as bad' as the victims of the racism make it seem.

2. you have to know your audience. i believe that people are free to make jokes about anything they want, but, their jokes might not always be funny, their jokes might not always be in good taste at all, and their jokes might not always be for the audience they are saying to too. thats not to say that theres no problematic, bad taste jokes out there that probs shouldnt be repeated, its more to say that again; you cant say one thing is off limits, and then say another thing isnt. you just cant. it pisses people off when you try to tell them what they can and cannot do lol. but any comedian worth their salt knows, you dont fucking take out the big guns to an audience that is not prepared for it. you must provide context to your jokes as well. and if your brand of humor is more 'dark humor' or 'offensive humor' based, you have to make sure that you arent empowering hateful people with it, you have to be constantly aware of that and tell them off. now what does this have to do with writing? a lot more than you might think. theres a reason some topics i rp on discord, not just smut, but also more personal and dark topics relating to my muse's past, his trauma, because this is a personal side of my muse, not everyone might be prepared to read. this is why tagging shit is important. this is why its important to make your boundaries super clear. this is why its important to speak out when something makes you hurt or uncomfortable. and why its important to pay attention to who your audience is before you just put anything out there. yes, it is your space, but it is a space you are allowing others into.

3. fiction may not be reality, but it does *inform* our reality, if that makes sense. it would be foolish to say that media has no effect on our society as a whole and how we view the world around us. media has a very profound effect on how we connect with eachother, how we process information, how we enjoy things. its obviously a very important part of our lives as rpers and writers. and so you should be aware of how your writing, and the topics in it, and how you portray your characters, effects people in real life. this is often a more abstract topic for people to wrap their heads around, but one example i can think of is how tolkien-esque, high fantasy genre, has literally effected how we interact with the philosophical idea of good vs evil, light vs dark, and it engrained a very eurocentric view of morality in the fantasy genre very quickly. media like harry potter, 1984, 2001 a space odsessy, the matrix, and many, many more movies, books and more have influenced the discourse of our society. now, roleplay may not have as much of a far reaching effect as these highly popular influential medias, but if you take this microcosm down to a smaller scale of the rpc, it makes a little more sense.

some of the best works ive ever read that have really made me think have been about dark, 'problematic' topics, and the way the authors wrote it left no doubt in my mind that they were against or critical of the evil or morally questionable acts of their characters, and they showed that in the narrative. thats an example of dark media done right. some of the best media in the world includes some pretty dark themes and topics, but the narrative is often a very clear indication of how well the author dealt with the topic.

also, i hate the mentality of tumblr that you cannot enjoy media and also be critical of it. that you can only enjoy 'unproblematic' media and art. and if that really was the case, we wouldnt have any media or art left to enjoy, because no one is perfect. but on the same hand, we should not be ignoring the problematic aspects of our media. for me, its impossible to seperate enjoying a piece of media and being critical of it. picking apart media is one of my faovrite pass times, i can never enjoy something for just what it is. i gotta understand why the creator made it the way they did. and i think thats a much more healthy way of viewing media than under the lens of "no one can enjoy problematic media" or conversely "let people enjoy things uncritically!!"

also i think we can all agree that some things are a bridge too far. like the writing rules of writing rape: if you think your scene needs a graphic rape scene, it probs doesnt. you can explore the issues of sexual abuse and assault without writing rape scenes. just as an example.

#woah this...this was a lot #ooc. #ask. #rape cw #salt cw #long post cw

[baebeyza]

TFP - Anger and heroism

Let me ponder for a moment oh peeps of TF tumblr, for I’m just gonna talk about my “which character I relate to most” post I did yesterday in order to try to talk about TFP lit analysis.

Writing and reading that post made it really clear - I am dramatic, expressive and angry, because those are the traits I relate to! 

And you know what else? Most of these characters are decepticons. 

So I guess it’s safe to assume that the traits I relate to are usually found in villainous characters or unconventional heroes.

So let’s talk about that and how it affects TFP under the cut ~

So if you see my post, a lot of the characters in it are really emotionally expressive: Galvatron expresses his emotional state all the time, he never has any chill or poker face. Characters like BW Megatron, Hellbat, Starscream (especially TFP Screamer) and Jetstorm also never really try to hide their emotions, they express it all in one way or another. They aren’t “calm” or “composed” and oh gosh, they aren’t stoic. 

Let’s look at TFP Optimus! He is calm, composed and stoic! The writers made sure he is! That means being calm and composed are good traits for good people!

And by God, he’s not angry - heroes aren’t angry! In TFP they changed a scene in which Oppy would have gotten angry and punched Ratchet for saying that his cowardice is the reason Elita 1 died, but they scratched that to make him not become angry. Why? Because they didn’t want Oppy to lose his cool. (And he is always the one to tell his teammates to put their anger aside as well btw)

What does this tell us? Being angry is not good. 

And I am just wondering - is that really true? Is a true hero a person who is always calm and never loses his composure like Optimus is in TFP?

Now here is the thing...we people on tumblr all know about the western worldview on what a manly man is suppoused to be. 

A true man is suppoused to never be emotional and lose his composure, he’s suppoused to take everything that gets his way and face it with strength, never showing signs of weakness. Emotional outbursts are a sign of weakness in that world view.

Men who are expressive with their emotions arent considered to be manly! 

Being emotionally expressive is a thing only women are suppoused to be, and if a man acts like a woman by having emotions, thats baaad!

And this is why “I never lose my calm” TFP Optimus never loses his calm. He’s suppoused to be manly. 

And that’s why Galvatron is bad - he has no control over his emotions. BW Megatron is bad, real men don’t act like they are stage all the time. 

I remember a video from a male youtuber I like who talked about his time as an opera singer, and he recounted the stereotyping of male opera singers by bigoted people, especially those who sing tenor like he did, as gay, as not being manly. 

And what does opera and theater include? Acting EMOTIONAL!

And now we have multiple Transformers shows with a leader who doesn’t show a lot of emotion and keeps himself calm, stoic and composed and don’t have a short temper. The true ideal of a man.

Optimus in TFP and other various shows, Star Saber, Fortress Maximus. All leaders who barely show any emotional outburst. 

All characters you are suppoused to look up to. 

And I ask again - is that really a trait of being a good character? Of being a good person, a hero? And is expressing things like anger really something one should only see in villains and anti-heroes?

I think most people agree that not showing emotions, to keep it all in, is not healthy. And it’s not how people work either. No one can be stoic and calm all the time.

In that regard it is comforting too see characters who do lose their cool at times and who do express their emotions in various ways. In normal human ways. 

But in a lot of times it’s the villains who expressing emotions, especially anger - is it really healthy to treat that as a non-good trait?

Because we all get angry. Some more than others, some feel it more intense than others. But we feel it, it’s a normal emotion and like any other emotion, should be expressed in some way.

Bottling it all up never helps. 

Yes, people can do bad things when angry, but it’s still something worth exploring, when people are angry its for a reason, anger shows us that something bothers us and that we should fix something in our lives.

So framing anger as something a good person doesn’t engage in isn’t healthy at all, and seeing your fave heroes as people who do not become angry, who never show it just leads to kids thinking they need to bottle up their feelings to be as heroic and good as these fictional people are.

And that only bad people allow their emotions to control their actions, who express their emotions in dramatic ways.

That’s a world view that exists, that’s why we see it in tv shows. A world view I personally find idiotic and unproductive. Reacting angry towards a situation is not something to be ashamed of, it’s normal. We feel angry for a reason. Being angry is not a problem on it’s own. But we see it more in villains, because society tells us that good people do not express their anger. 

They should have kept the scene in which TFP Optimus loses his cool and punches Ratchet when the latter says something hurtful. Their make-up scene would have had more weight behind it, because not only would both of them apologize and forgive, they would apologize and forgive for actively hurting each other. 

As it is, Ratchet just apologizes for taking drugs. 

#transformers #tfp #optimus prime #ratchet #transformer rant #transformer posting

[ruffiorocks]

You don't need to bully people who don't ship what you ship.

Fan 1: "I love Kara in pants!"

Fan 2: "me too!"

Fan 1: "I liked the skirt, but it's nice to have a change".

Fan 2: "I'm glad Melissa isn't going to be cold anymore"

Fan 1 : "yeah!"

Fan 2: "wouldn't it be nice if Kara and Lena were a couple?"

Fan 1: "I'd love that!"

Anti : "Supercorp isn't real!! Lena and Kara aren't gay! "

Anti : "You're a hateful fandom! Stop ignoring the CANON lesbian couple!"

Anti: "You're all racists!"

Anti: "Lena is evil, it's only a matter of time! Lena's a murderer!"

Anti: "Stop hating on Mon El!"

Me: *re-reads conversation*

"erm.. how is the mere mention of the possibility of Kara and Lena being a couple hateful?"

"Did anyone even mention Mon El?"

" Are we obligated to give a shout out to every character on the show whilst discussing Kara's pants?"

"Since when is discussing pants or simply mentioning a head cannon couple racist?"

Why do I feel like I block some crazy anti every time I scroll through my feed on here or even Twitter? I mean it's decended into anarchy! People can't even say they like Lena or even mention the word Supercorp without being called all sorts of hateful things by people who don't know them and quite honestly have no reason to comment on their posts.

Kara gets pants and fans are happy, suddenly they are accused of bullying the show into doing it and taking it as a win even though Melissa has said she was cold.

Any mere mention of Lena is met with hateful comments about SuperCorp when it's not even mentioned.

Those that pretend to be calling people out don't seem to have realised that they are actually the ones causing the trouble. They comb through every post they can looking for any reason whatsoever to be offended. (Honestly GET A LIFE! this is beyond depressing).

Mel saying Kara loves Lena and shippers liking to think it's Supercorp is met with hate! 'a fight for Lena's soul' any head cannon that Kara is fighting for her love of Lena is met with hate! Where was the offense here? What did the poster do that was so awful?

The ironic thing that flys over the heads of people who do this is that whilst they think they are the most noble of people and have taken it upon themselves to rid the Supergirl fandom of these Injustices they are in fact the biggest bullies in the fandom.

Now I know what some of you are thinking, "well the Supercorp shippers are so hateful! They are the most vocal! We KNOW it's not ALL of them, it's the majority! But we're going to harrass and bully anyone who even dares to use the word."

So here's the thing, it is NOT the majority, if you pay attention you'll notice that most of the bullies tend to be the same handful of people. E.g. I saw a Supercorp account on Twitter that had thousands of followers, now I'm going to assume that anyone who likes a Supercorp account probably likes Supercorp, now can any of you honestly tell me that you have seen THOUSANDS of horrible Supercorp shippers? No you haven't. You've probably seen at best maybe 100 or so? So the percentage of hateful people out of thousands, (and remember that's just one Twitter account) is nowhere near 'ALL' of them.

The same goes for Karamel shippers, you've probably seen at best a few hundred of the same people. (possibly less than the Supercorp shippers because Mon El is gone).

Not every Supercorp or Karamel shipper deserves the uncalled for abuse they receive from people they have never even interacted with before simply for taking from the show what they enjoy the most. Whether it be canon or non canon. Whether you think Lena is an evil murderer or if you think Mon El is a misogynistic slave owner you do NOT have to have a go at the person who said it. Scroll past, that post didn't hurt you in anyway, you won't stop breathing because someone likes to think Kara is gay or that Mon El may have been better off with Winn.

Katie McGrath said herself it's art and you can take what you want from it. So you can take away the idea that Lena is in love with Kara or vice versa. You can take away that Mon El was awful or that he was a space puppy. You can take away that James Olsen sucks or you can take away that he is a nice guy.

Your ship doesn't hurt anyone at all because this is ALL fiction.

Now I know the next thing some of you will say "but those toxic fans shit on the actors to! Chris was bullied off of Social media! Mel and Chris even HAD to turn off the comments in their engagement posts".

Ok, first off stop giving social media trolls any credit. You can stand up for celebrities, no one is saying you can't, BUT spewing hate to anyone who simply ships the same ship as someone who was rude to Chris isn't you being a hero, it's you attacking an innocent because you think you're justified. Also news flash! These actors are professionals and ADULTS! They aren't children that need fans they will probably never meet or speak to spewing hate to anyone that breaths on their behalf. You may like to think you know a celebrities life because they occasionally post on Social media but the truth is you dont know them or anything about their lives. Chris is a grown man and you don't really know anything about him other than what he let's you know. Do you really think he's going to scroll through Tumblr proud that his fans are trolling people for simply not liking his character or simply for shipping Supercorp?

"hey Mel look at all these fans being hateful on my behalf? Oh look they're going the extra mile and attacking anyone who mentions Supercorp, neither me or Mon El are even mentioned on the post! Man I love fans that bully people on my behalf". << Yeah no! I don't know anything about Chris Wood but he seems unlikely to be happy his fans are attacking people. Honestly I bet he doesn't give a shit either way, he has a life to live, maybe you should get one to.

Also the comment in the engagement post on Instagram may have had the comments off, but the Twitter one didn't. So unless they are both incredibly dense (which I doubt) the comments weren't off to prevent hate.

The most bizarre things I've seen are:

"you don't watch the show for Kara? Well then you're not a true fan!" Sooo... You can't have a favorite character save the main one? When did this rule happen? Why didn't I get a Google alert that the rules on how to watch a show had changed?"

"I ship this non canon couple, BUT YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO SHIP THAT ONE BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE IT!!!" I can't even with this one 🤦

Oh and hating on Christ Wood because he's engaged to Melissa? I don't even know what to do with that one. But 'actors aren't their characters'. Shipping Mel and Katie in any other context than friendship is freaking creepy and disrespectful and I dont have to personally know either one to know they wouldn't thank you for it.

A few last points:

You are allowed to dislike or simply not be particularly bothered either way by a character even if they are played by a POC without being a racist. Believe it or not characters played by POC can be boring or crap in the exact same way a character played by someone who is Caucasian or Asian or whatever can also be boring or crap.

We have got to STOP calling people racist everytime they don't like a character who is a POC. Not liking one character does not make you a racist. I don't like James Olsen, it's not a secret, but I LOVE Jonn Jonzz, I loved Myrnn, I loved M'gann, i really liked Julia, I really like Col Haley and I like Kelly Olsen. Not liking ONE character doesn't make me a racist.

If you don't like the Lesbian pairing on the show you aren't necessarily homophobic. It could be you just aren't as engaged with them as characters.

You don't have to mention any canon lesbian couple in any conversation you have about a head cannon lesbian couple. Wanting Supercorp to happen but not being all that invested in Dansen doesn't make you a bad person or a racist.

That was a lot, but if one person reads this and realizes that spewing vile hate at anyone who hasn't done anything other than not ship your ship is a horrible thing to do then it'll be worth it.

Block bullies and trolls. DON'T respond to them, you can't win an argument or discussion with them because they arent going into it with the intention of debate, they just want to bully you. Feeding trolls just makes them bigger and therefore hungrier and they they have to find bigger Bridges to hide under.

Happy shipping people, in the words of Ellen "be kind to one another" ✌️

#supergirl #lena luthor #kara danvers #alex danvers #supercorp #anti james olsen #kara zor el #karamel #mon el #dansen #kelly olsen #col haley #jonn jonnz #melissa benoist #chris wood #katie mcgrath

[yunxies]

there’s a certain trope that comes up in speculative fiction media a lot, and tv tropes is a shitty site but its terminology is convenient sometimes, so we’ll refer to it as “humans are special” - the depiction of humanity as having some special something that aliens or elves or robots lack. maybe we’re physically weak, maybe we’re technologically behind, but we’re creative/adaptable/compassionate/insert positive trait here, and that makes it all worth it. and i’ve seen people deride this trope as egotistical - that we humans just want to feel special and lord it over others. 

but to me it’s like... lord it over who? elves aren’t real. robots that can think are decades from being real. aliens are almost certainly real, but so unimaginably far away from us and no doubt so unlike anything we can conceive of that the ones in our sci-fi stories certainly aren’t real. it’s all fiction. the only real part of it is the humans. a story’s message can’t be “humans are so much cooler than elves!” if elves don’t exist - the message of a story must be something that strikes an emotional truth, that holds to reality. and if you take away the parts that aren’t real, you’re left with just “humans are so cool!”

and i love that! i love works that use a not-real fictional species as an intellectual lens with which to just.... explore all the things that make us, us. what would we be without our compassion? what would we be without our creativity? what would we be without our adaptability? we’d be just like these fictional robots! and that would suck! it’s the same really cool feeling as reading a perfectly scientific article about how extremely resilient the human body is. is that egotistical? i don’t think so. i think humans are allowed to meditate on ourselves as a species using fictional aliens as a narrative tool to help that. it’s certainly not hurting any real aliens. i just really love the “humans are special” trope. thanks for coming to my ted talk

#everyone read the animorphs books and also anything by terry pratchett #a meow is heard #this post brought to you by me reading a kamen rider ooo fanfiction at 1 am that's chock full of these themes #and i'm so excited

[flamewyrmz]

a late night rant from twitter im putting in one place, because its a trainwreck of several threads there. mostly copy/paste and still not proofread, but a collection of thoughts on gender, sexuality, personal identity, and love and support within the lgbtq community. i do really lay myself bare here so id like to ask that if you disagree or have criticism you do so respectfully and with that in mind, thank you <3 and if this means something to you itd mean the world to me if you shared it

dunno if ive said this here before but like. if you think you might be bi/pan but youre on the fence cos maybe youve never had a crush on a nonfictional guy or get more crushes on guys than on girls and you find yourself tied up in knots like "well im gay but im also attracted to nonbinary people unless theyre mostly woman-aligned but i dont wanna say im bi/pan because then people will think i like girls and like i like them theoretically but--" let go. just say fuck it! im bi/pan! 

try it out and if it doesnt feel right it doesnt feel right and thats fine and in the end no matter what youll have learned a little about yourself. this is actually my advice on any gender/sexuality dilemmas you might be having. go wild. try it out. see how it feels. dont feel like you have to confine yourself to something just because youve stuck with it for some amount of time. 

if youre questioning dive right into the deep end! no matter how it goes youll be a better swimmer in the end. its all not quite rigid and a little fluid anyways (for some more than others obv) so if youre unsure, man... go for it. its ok to backpedal

--

this is important advice to me because ive struggled with it multiple times in the past and this has only recently clicked and i really wish it had sooner. first it was with being... not straight in general. like i was actively dating someone of the same gender and i never considered that that meant, uh, im not straight. always "do you like boys or girl?" "uhhhhhhhhh. uh. UH" 

then with being in the range of aro/ace spect. then with being nonbinary! then with being nb but primarily male. and then goddammit im just a boy. accepting that God I Love Men And Only Men (and with it that i *wasnt* aro or ace in ANY capacity) and then, very recently (like up until a couple months ago. like im p sure this year. not 2017), going back on that and admitting i was bi. it is so so freeing to just say "fuck it" and test those waters!

hell, you find something you resonate with but looks a little silly? go for it! use those bun/buns/bunself pronouns. go with stargender! ace-flux demibiromantic? hell yeah rock that shit! it can always change and you can always decide its not right and go back! h4y dudes

--

all of that especially goes for teens who dont know what the fuck theyre doing. im only 20 yea and barely 20 at that but man i wish id heard this sooner

and please dont take that as me saying "well if youre a lesbian sexuality is fluid and maybe youre actually bi"! hell no. if youre a lesbian and you KNOW youre and lesbian and couldnt ever be anything else then rock on you funky little lesbian! but if you id as a lesbian but are teetering on something like "well im attracted to some fictional and theoretical men but not any real ones and maybe its just compulsory heterosexuality but im not sure and--" dont be afraid to try a different label. its all what feels right to you and theres absolutely no harm

--

people bash on like. """mogai genders""" and nounself pronouns and the split attraction model and all that and like. yeah! those things can hurt people! personally i struggled with the split attraction bit combined with how broadly people define the ace spectrum. it can be used to hurt. and it is used to hurt. sometimes its deliberate, sometimes its not. but the hurt is there. but its not inherently good or bad. 

and yeah, some of it sounds silly. hell, it sounds silly to me sometimes! but to some people hearing that label makes everything click into place, even if just for a little bit, and i take that very seriously. it is one of the best feelings in the world and i want as many lgbtq people (of any age) to experience it. 

for some people it feels right to zoom waaaaaaay in and section it into lots of little bits and for others its "fuck it! i dont know shit! im just queer!" and those are both equally valid (that words been thru 12 garbage disposals but i cant think of a better one) maybe you go back n forth and thats fine too! as long as youre open to it changing or being wrong it cant hurt and, like i said, its one of the best possible feelings to have it click like that

--

as an aside: being bi can *totally* mean "im attracted to men and nonbinary people are long are they arent primarily woman-aligned" or it can mean "im attracted to everyone fuck it" personally? i use bi over pan because i feel like it better encapsulates that i *do* have preferences (i say this all the time but God I Love Men) but ultimately gender doesnt really matter to me cos everyones cute and hot and generally attractive and im not leaving anyone out because im just a little more inclined to kissing boys. but thats me!

--

as Another aside: i do still to some degree identify with uhh this is gonna sound contradictory but agender boy? or more like boy agender? boygender with left none? i just dont personally feel like its worth taking the time to explain over n over. but it used to be, for me, n i dont regret that a single bit! i wouldnt regret that even if i *didnt* still feel that way in any capacity. honestly? 

i dont regret any of the ways ive identified in the past even though feeling stuck and cornered into some got a little harmful to me (and if youve gone through somethin similar and DO regret it and wish youd never heard whatever term you used thats good too. im very strongly advocating for "use whatever labels you want and if it dont fit it dont fit" here but if they did hurt you and youre still hurting about it i understand 100% just dont use it to pull others down. if it concerns you say your piece and let them decide)

--

this is personally a little hard to admit so bear with me here 

honestly? ANY sort of strong identity didnt start developing in me until i was.... 14 or so? and very slowly at that. like gender evened out around 18 and sexuality just a few months ago LMAO. but up until i was a teenager i didnt really feel much of anything re: gender or attraction (and the attraction thing is pretty normal for kids and even teens tbqh!) 

and i just.... didnt really think about it! i had This Name and apparently was a girl and i didnt really get what it was like to BE a girl but thats what people said and i didnt know there were other options so i went with it! the name didnt bother me either (except for when people made jokes about a Certain Historical Figure with the same one. just thinking about that i get tired) 

and when it came time to actually grapple with the whole concept of being *into* people i just kinda... slunk away! no joke until like 10th grade if someone started a rumor that i was dating x or y had a crush on me i would start to avoid them entirely. lost a friend in 4th grade that way but then in hs hed turned into a TOTAL DICK so no loss there. i think part of that was also people making the assumption that i was straight though? big shrug! 

i didnt even realize attraction was a thing i had until i got asked out and just kind of "oh wow??? that sounds so nice??? i feel the same??? yes??" and thats WHY i went thru varying aro/ace labels. cos it unfolded slowly (which again is totally normal if youre a teenager, so dont worry about it if youre going thru that. roll with the punches. and if youre a teen and youve got it figured out? thats totally normal too!) 

and the gender thing was similar once i learned that it was an actual possibility (especially being nb, and ESPECIALLY especially being agender) i slowly just... poked at it until i figured something out (fun fact: what set me off to finally go "fuck it im not a girl at all" was being stuck in an awful hair salon chair while my mom got a haircut that took FOREVERRRRRRRRR and i was having godawful period cramps. like i knew not being a girl wouldnt DO anything about them but i made that decision then n there n didnt look back!) 

and then i kept pokin at it and watching it like the seed id planted finally started to sprout and i realized i didnt actually know what kind of seed it WAS. i guess ive always been very nebulous in those aspects and its just now forming into something solid. like i said, its a little hard to admit and i... dont think ive actually talked about this in this depth before to, like, anyone? 

because the "oh ive always known" narrative is the only one you ever see in popular media and sometimes even from the community itself! and theres nothing wrong with having always known! but theres also nothing wrong with being like me! but i still feel a little anxious talking about it like it somehow means im a sham. 

hell, id even go so far as to say i WAS a girl as a kid! i WAS varying shades of agender and nonbinary and ???? as a teen, and i AM, like, 95% a guy right now! maybe in a few years ill be something else. none of those things contradict each other. things like that can change! its not set in stone (but like i said: for some people it is! or, like, set in slime that you left out for 5 years so now its pretty much a rock but if you really try it still squishes into something else?? none of these things invalidate the others! were all unique). 

i wouldnt say that at any point ive been cis or straight, cos even when i just went with being a girl and stuff it was always a little ??? but, yknow. even if i HAD been those things at some point it wouldnt matter to me? things just are the way they are and were the way they were

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im making myself really vulnerable here and my thought process is a mess and i ramble and repeat myself and my memory and attention span is like 2 seconds and i dont proofread but. its important i think. i dont have a lot of followers and fewer still thatre active but... that really doesnt matter. 

maybe someone will retweet at least one of these messy, messy threads. maybe link it to a friend. maybe screenshot it and post it on tumblr [note: LMAO YEAH AND ITS YOU DUMBASS], or to keep for themself. if any of my words help anyone out even a little then it matters and honestly? then its the most important thing in the whole danged world. if even one person sees any of the things ive said tonight and it means *anything* to them, even if just "oh, im not alone in this" then ive succeeded here. 

i dont want any of us to ever feel trapped or alone because shit! lifes too fuckin short for that! its goddamn hard being anything but cisgender and straight! sometimes it sucks! like really sucks! there have been so many times ive broken down completely over being trans and felt like, for myself, its the most awful thing in the world. its why prides so important. its why community is so important. 

because even when the pressure of the world brings you down so low you think youll never escape theres something or someone there to take your hand and pull you back up, put you on your feet, and say "i know its hard. and itll get hard again. but i believe in you, and youre strong enough for this, and im here with you through every step". that goes for anyone but especially goes for us. and im not just talking about lgbtq youth here. all of us. which is *why* im laying myself completely bare here. 

most of this stuff? ive either never talked about or only vaguely mentioned. but im putting it out there. because there was a point where i needed it but didnt have it, and even if its just one person, i want to give someone this advice so at least they dont have to deal with the same stuff i did. and if youre reading this? i love you. im here for you. im my dms are always open and if for some reason they arent its almost definitely an accident and if you say something ill reopen them. 

and if youre someone who hates me? maybe even mutually? if it came down to it id let you come to me at your lowest moment, no questions asked, no judgement held, and at the end of it still be the same kind of enemies we were before and never speak again. there are some exceptions of course but honestly ill forgive a lot for someone who needs that kind of support. and if youre one of the people this applies to, i know youll probably never take me up on it. i dont expect you to. i dont expect you to even for a second be comfortable with that idea. thats fine. but if for some reason you ever need it, its there. 

i can count on one hand the ex friends that i wouldnt give that to and thats ONLY because theyve legitimately hurt me and left lasting damage (and for some of them? its mutual. and im sorry for that, regardless of how i feel about your treatment of me im truly sorry for my actions. that probably sounds fake and anyway i digress) 

and if youre a complete stranger? someone who follows me but has never interacted with anything ive posted? a mutual i havent spoken to yet? im here. and im bumbling, and awkward, and not the best at comfort but you can always come to me if you need someone. im only one man and im under a lot of stress but i swear ill do the best i can, even if its only reading and replying 3 days later and even then just listening and offer whatever gentle comfort or reassurance youll accept. 

because thats important to me. thats the impact i want to leave on this world. i dont ever want anyone to feel as small, as scared, as worthless, as alone as i have. im no fighter. im not going to lead any revolutions and hell im too anxious to even go to protests but im here for support. im here to help and heal. and thats important too

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and if you listened to that? thank you. if you just skimmed? thank you for that too. if you shared it with someone? thank you (so much). and if you dont? thank you anyways, just for the time

just know this: i love you. i dont care who you are, if youre reading this i love you and im behind you 100%. im here if you need it. stay strong, do something that makes you smile if only for a moment. take that leap of faith. dont restrict yourself for even a second

i meant to go to bed at least two hours ago so goodnight <3 be safe, drink some water, if you have any kind of pet give it some love. take care of yourself. youre the most important person in your own world and never forget that, even if you dont think you are. even if theres something or someone you treasure above everything else. dont diminish your own worth! you are alive, and you are here, and theres nothing more important than that, really. the things you love matter more than anything else. hold them close

#sorry for all the linebreaks i want this to be as easy to process as possible #this is definitely ok to reblog and if you feel even the slightest urge to i encourage it