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starlit-dreaming · 3 years

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[16] in the back of my mind

Fandom: WMMAP Rating: G Ship: Eventual Lucathy, Felily, Calena, and more Note: the Twin Sibling AU that i tried so hard not to write, but i DID, so naturally i have to call myself out for writing it. will be cross-posted on ao3 and wattpad under the same title

Arc 1: Beginning of the End 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

Arc 2: Of Princes and Villainesses 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | [16] | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20

Side Story: maybe, i’m afraid (verena/athanasios) 1 | 2

Summary:

He was pretty sure he transmigrated into a fanfic of [The Lovely Princess] — after all, he would’ve remembered if Princess Athanasia had a younger twin who died.

// A retelling of WMMAP with a vital difference — Athanasia has a younger twin brother.

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16. when i look in the mirror

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'This reminds me of our middle school garden party,' Athanase thought, curiously observing the group of adults and children all dressed up. 'The one where Lettie accidentally spilled cake all over you, and you looked like you were ready to drag her by the hair because she said you looked like a toddler's art project.'

'What the fuck are you talking about?' Autumn thought back.

'You know, the same party where Odd called you a harlot because you hated it when Ria was paying more attention to her brother, and you were constantly clinging to her. The same party that your aunt made you dress in all pink — pink dress, pink accessories, pink shoes, an overall pink disaster because they weren't the best shades of pink. You were clearly angry, but your mom promised you a new book on fairy tales and mythology if you behaved for your aunt.'

The silence he gains, admittedly, makes him feel pretty victorious.

'I don't know what you're talking about; I'd never do that.'

She totally did.

——————————

Athanase glances up at his father, holding his hand as he looks at the man curiously. In Toska, from what he could more or less guess, this was an event to find potential marriage candidates and best friends for the only known prince and princess, and while the nobles might consider this their chance to matchmake the children, it was very obvious that Claude had no intentions on securing engagements for him and Athanasia.

It seems that he really was pulling through on his word of finding him playmates. He still had Verena known as his best friend, but it was likely that Claude planned on getting him a sparring partner as well. Maybe he was trying to give him a new friend, much like how Felix is to his father?

The storyline for Toska was pretty much screwed over at this point, since his father ended up seeming attached to him as opposed to being distant.

Athanase wonders if Athanasia noticed it, yet.

A glance to his elder sister, he can see her jolt and shift closer to their father, seeming to shyly hide under their father's cloak. Clearly, she wasn't much for the attention — Athanase didn't like being stared at like a zoo animal, either, but there's nothing that could be done about it.

Except...

Their father glares at the crowd, and gently brushes Athanasia's bangs out of her eyes. It looked like he was going to pat her head, but with the tiara sitting on top of Athanasia's head, it would've been difficult to do so. Something about the action made him feel bitter — it was an ugly feeling that wraps around him, constricting him.

(If everyone stays and protects his sister from falling...

Then would anyone help Athanasios at all?

He remembers the pain, the feelings festering at that moment, the way his eyes were shut tight as he tips forward. He remembers his eyes burning from his tears as his heart plummets to the ground, the feeling of harsh scrapes to the skin, an explosive impact to his bones even if he doesn't scream. He remembers the wind blowing through his hair like broken violin strings, the cold stinging and harsh like a slap to the face.

Even so, everything in his life starts with one thing, and one thing alone:

Athanasios is always falling.)

——————————

There are a lot of girls crowding around his sister, the Crown Princess. The boys wouldn't dare approach his sister, not with their father casting glares. It's a very strange thing to feel so alone despite being around so many people — everyone that crowds around him is more interested in learning more about his sister, too.

His gaze shifts from his sister, looking over to his father with Felix standing at his side. Felix had that same old awkward smile on, the sort that he often has when his father seemed to be doing something that was completely out of his expectations.

Ah, they made eye contact...

He smiles, giving the red-haired knight a small wave, but Felix had frowned, looking oddly concerned.

'Strange,' Athanase blinked, finding the sight oddly uncomfortable. 'Did something happen? Hey, Autumn,' he thinks, calling out to his friend who has remained by his side conversing with the other noble children with practised ease.

'Whaddup?' Autumn casually responded back as she lightly chuckled at whatever a girl told her.

'Does anything happen at this party? Anything at all.'

'Hmm?' she subtly follows his gaze, noticing Felix looking at Athanase's general direction. 'Nothing that doesn't involve Verena — she kept clinging onto the Prince's arm,' she confirmed as she shyly looked down after Irene's compliment regarding her dress. 'There was some drama between Charlotte and Verena — Charlotte was one of the girls wanting to be the Prince's fiancée, and so she accidentally dumped tea on Verena's dress. Since this was when Verena and the Prince were on amicable terms with one another, the Prince had shamed her for intentionally dumping her drink onto his cherished playmate.'

'Is that something for me to be concerned about?' Athanase wonders, his eyes noticing the lovely blend of orange to yellow sunset-coloured eyes of Charlotte, who stared at him with blank face. 'She's obviously staring at me.'

'It won't be a problem at all, since she's not interested in boys yet, plus, I'm actually trying to befriend her,' Autumn smiled as she shifted to stand at Athanase's side much more properly. "Your Highness, Prince Athanasios," she greeted him with a proper curtsy. "Please allow me to introduce my two playmates since birth," Verena then gestured to the two girls she had been chatting with moments before. "This is Lady Irene Nightingale, the youngest of the Nightingale Family."

"Blessings and Glory upon the Sun of the Obelian Empire," Irene gave a proper curtsy, painting a very clear picture of a budding ideal lady of noble society — at least, ideal in the eyes of most nobles with greedy intentions. Athanase much prefers Irene being that strong, independent knight from Toska.

He hopes that when she befriends Athanasia, she'll be able to be the greatest knight as she was always meant to be.

"A pleasure," he kindly greets her in turn with a smile and a nod.

"And this is Lady Charlotte Milford of the Milford Family, the only daughter of the Milford Marquisate."

The blonde-haired girl says nothing, only staring at him with startled eyes.

"It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance," Charlotte stated, giving him a shaky curtsy as she kept glancing up at him nervously, unable to hide her anxiousness.

It's an image of a young maiden rushing amidst colourful street stalls.

She was a girl who couldn't have been much older than fifteen, if he had to assume, with medium-length hair ending just below her shoulders, her hair tied in a ponytail as it sways from side to side. Her eyes are the warm glow of a yellow sun settling down amidst an orange sky, shimmering like bright candlelit flames. Always a wavering figure, yet resolutely by his side so long as she finds it necessary.

They both run through the streets with a strange, childish glee, exhilarating and heart thumping, and she smiles at him wide and genuine as she glances at him from over her shoulder. She was unbound by shackles, soaring freely as she tugs his hand and brings him along in a whirlwind rush. Here, roaming the streets, they are mere equals, a thought that causes him to laugh with boyish charm and pure happiness that he had never known a person could ever feel.

As they slow to a halt upon reaching near the outskirts of the festival, where it seemed to be just the two of them despite the countless many surrounding them, and they breathe, finding it difficult to remain calm. Her cheeks were flushed red — from running, perhaps — and she looked at him, and him alone.

"I'm sorry," she giggled, pressing her lips against his hands as she gently cups them. "Just knowing that this is one of the many days we'll spend together has me feeling incredibly elated." And he thinks, briefly, that she looks beautiful when she's being true to herself.

It was her hairstyle, and the bright smiles on her face, her demeanour much more friendly and kind than scathing and rude, that made it difficult for him to know.

And then, as if on cue, Athanase finally recognizes the young maiden standing before him.

This was Charlotte Milford.

He doesn't know what that was. A vision, a memory, a possibility — all he knows is an aching headache and a smile getting plastered on his face. Whether it was a fake smile, as he and Athanasia had grown so accustomed to having, or genuine, Athanase wasn't sure.

"Right," he finds himself saying, as if he were on autopilot, and Charlotte stares at him with pink cheeks. "I've heard much about the two of you from your parents and Lady Verena. It's nice to finally meet you both."

Verena glances over to him — he could tell she was concerned for him.

"All good things, I hope," Charlotte had stated in a surprisingly haughty tone of voice as opposed to the imagery he had just seen. Her words sounded like a thinly veiled jab, and yet... for some odd reason, he could tell that it wasn't her intention as she seemed to huff and puff her chest up with pride.

'And that right there is the reason why Iris was considered more charming than Lottie, despite Lottie being the flower of high society in their later years,' Autumn explained.

'What is she, a tsundere?' he absentmindedly thinks as he then verbally replies, "But of course. Lady Verena was delighted to speak to me regarding the both of you. You've an eye for fashion, correct?"

Charlotte and Irene appeared to be taken aback by that, as they both gave Verena a glance.

"W-well!" Charlotte stuttered, face reddening as she delicately held a fan over her face, seeming to cover up a smile. "Of course, I'm a Milford, so naturally my reputation precedes me!"

Oh boy, was she always like this? He could have sworn that Charlotte was less... well, whatever she's acting.

He didn't want to know, nor did he care.

All he can think about is that glimpse of a scene he had seen. It was the first strange memory-like scene he's experienced since he woke up from his whole near-death vibes the previous week.

'You're acting strange,' Autumn warily thinks to him. 'I hope you remember that she's still a kid.'

'That's not it,' he shoots her a simple smile, feeling somewhat irritated at her comment. 'For some reason, she just seemed really familiar to me. Did you make an otome game for Toska in your previous life? I felt like I just imagined a cliché romance scene just now.'

'My gods, you've actually gone mad,' Autumn thought.

'Man, what's the point of you being the Villainess Turned Saintess if you're not going to help me?'

'No, I didn't make a dating sim with the characters in Toska. Happy now, Your Highness?' Autumn flatly informed — he could practically hear her sarcasm in using his noble title. 'I never wrote anything romance related for the Prince unless it involved Ijekiel and Verena, and Charlotte didn't manage to get very close because of Verena.'

He thinks of the colourful street stalls, him and Charlotte rushing through the crowd of people, acting as if they were in their own little world.

Maybe... maybe he was just imagining something that never came to be.

And maybe, just maybe...

. . .

He couldn't remember, but he knows that there's more to the situation.

——————————

The rest of the afternoon passes with relative ease, and Athanase manages to gain Ferdinand Milford and Odysseus Nightingale to take part in his classes. Ferdinand will be his sparring partner, while Odysseus would share music classes under his mother's teaching. Thus far it's only been an agreement, so he hasn't actually had any classes with them quite yet...

He doesn't know about his sister, but Athanasia was able to regularly host tea parties with the girls she befriended, an event that only occurs once a month. She was still the crown princess, and therefore only Athanase could ever be permitted to share the same class or two with her, but she had a circle of friends at the very least.

Maybe it was his imagination, but Athanasia had seemed adamant in never looking in his direction. Oftentimes, she would puff up her cheeks and shove Lucas, so they could both rush past him whenever they pass in the halls of their father's palace. Lucas seemed irritated by how pushy she was being, but overall seemed to wordlessly agree with her — he certainly has a damn good poker face, since Athanase could never tell what he's thinking.

For once, he couldn't understand what Athy was thinking. She was always easy to read, even in the times he never read her mind. Did the lack of mind reading really become an issue of communication for them?

Sounds like a poorly written story done by an eighth grader.

There was something going on — he hopes this silence won't last forever, especially since they both feign ignorance whenever they have dinnertime with their father.

Maybe he said something to her that he shouldn't have?

——————————

"Sorry dude, but talking to the Crown Princess is just outside of my capabilities," Autumn shrugged. "I made a deal with that magician of hers that I would never go near him, and he's practically always nearby your sister whenever I'm in the castle."

"Well, I can't drag anyone else into the situation. It'll be troublesome if the nobles knew that my sister and I weren't on speaking terms with one another. That's begging for a fight for the throne."

"And you're sure that you don't want the throne, right?"

"No, stop sounding like I'm going to change my mind. Remember when I told you that I'll only use a microwave to make food?"

"Yeah," she dryly said, giving him a disappointed stare. "You microwaved frozen nuggets and eggs and made mug cakes and microwavable meals. Even though you literally know how to cook. We deadass took cooking classes together, and you just refused to cook ever again. You failed at making an apple tart one time, and you decided to swear off proper cooking and baking your whole goddamn life."

"Yeah, so I'm just as stubborn about not involving outsiders."

"Okay, so you can't bring any nobles to talk to about this issue, asides for me, because of your stubborn ass. What about asking your nanny, Lady Lillian? I'm sure she should've noticed something strange going on between you two — you've been attached to the hip since birth, haven't you?"

"No, actually, Lily hasn't noticed, and I haven't seen much of her. Even though Lily was our nanny, she's not the Head Maid of the Amethyst Palace. I have a Head Butler and a bunch of servants that I'm still unfamiliar with, and I'll be getting my own personal guard while Felix will be staying by my sister's side. My father's currently going through a list of possible knights, so for the time being, I don't have anyone."

"Well..." Autumn frowned, placing her hand over his on the table. "You've got me, at least. Who do you think you'll end up getting for a personal knight?"

"I'm not sure. Someone with a flexible schedule like Felix, who probably isn't married yet," he sighs, taking a sip of his tea.

There was a moment of silence, but he could tell she was still watching him.

"You look tired and stressed."

"Do I?" he frowns, looking at the lake — it was the lake where Athanasia had almost drowned when they were smaller. He just couldn't feel relaxed in his garden, so maybe Autumn had a point.

"I think you, of all people, would know the answer to that," she simply says.

He's been sleeping a lot, and he's generally been relaxed, even with his studies filling up most of his days. Sure, he's a bit worried about his future classes with Ferdinand and Odysseus, but considering who the teachers are, it should be fine.

Was that vision he saw of Charlotte still bothering him?

"Yeah," he quietly breathes, slowly nodding his head as he looks back down at his tea. "Maybe I am," he eventually admits. "I think I'm stressed from all this transmigration stuff. It certainly feels like it's been screwing with my brain."

"You were just tossed right into this life, if I remember correctly."

"Pretty much. I didn't get the chance to ease into this life. I just... woke up one day as a baby who just so happened to be a hated prince. And you weren't straight up reborn like I was, isn't that right?"

"Mhmm," she nodded, tucking her hair behind her ear as she looks at the lake. "As a kid, I had dreams of my past life, little bits and pieces of things I brushed off as overactive imagination. And then, when I heard you saying my name, it's like everything finally clicked — like a rubik's cube falling into place."

"Autumn, I think I'm in a similar situation."

"What do you mean?"

"During the party, I wasn't sure if you were in denial of it ever happening, but did you ever know a Lettie and an Odd? Much less attend a party with either of them."

She says nothing, but it was enough of an answer.

"What if..." he faltered.

(Athanasios is always falling.)

"What if Prince Athanasios was actually my first life?"

#wynter writes #wmmap #who made me a princess #fic: in the back of my mind

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