#feelings are fragile and temporary and should not be the basis for my mental fucking health!

[asteralien]

trying to articulate that while i do want to be more mentally healthy and more stable, i am not a woo woo uwu humanity is basically good <3 i love living life and romanticizing every little thing <3 if depressed people would only try to see beauty in a plastic bag they would no longer be depressed <3 kind of person and i don't see why i should have to be in order to Not Be Depressed. this is literally high school all over again

#i'm starting to feel like my personality is being pathologized again and it's like. i don't want to be different! #i don't hate people i just don't feel any one way about them or another! i dont want strong fluffy feelings about them all the time! #feelings are fragile and temporary and should not be the basis for my mental fucking health! #i shouldn't have to force myself to feel cherry-blossoms-and-carley-rae-jepsen feelings #to forcey-worcey myself into being healthier #all this 'teaching yourself to be happier' bullshit is so. pointless to me. i'm not always going to be able to be happy #and being like 'but you'll be happy again <3<3<3' is so devaluing of the current state of unhappiness or discomfort or misery #it's the wheel of fucking fortune out here and waiting for it to spin your way feels so disingenuous a way for me to live #i feel like the witch in into the woods oh my god like you're not good youre not bad youre just nice. #i dont want to be Nice i want to be myself and okay with that #and i hope/want myself to have kindness in them but i'm not defining myself on how much Positivity i have in me #i'm a puddleglum okay. why should i have to transition into a lucy to be deemed healthy. #eaugh i just. i'm having An Time w/ therapy #aster chat