#every day of my life i ponder if i really have adhd and my girlfriend is just like | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mending-auto · 3 years

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I'm bisexual. I found this out really early on. I was never able to express it because my family was extremely religious and my mom might have kicked me out if I had a girlfriend.

Plus... Well, my mom didn't allow me to have guy friends. So if she knew I was attracted to girls too, I would have never been able to have friends over, go to sleep overs, or sleep in the same room as my sisters or my brother.

I wish I could have explored this side of me before I settled down. Sometimes I wonder if I had been looking for a wife instead of a husband... Would she have been nicer? More understanding of my struggles with unmedicated and undiagnosed ADHD? Could I have been happier with a woman? ... And these thoughts kind of freak me out. Because the more i look into it, the more it becomes obvious that a lot of men treat women awful (a topic for another day).

And so my pondering continues. And I become saddened every time I see a wonderful woman. Maybe she's pretty, or has a nice laugh, or is super duper sweet and bubbly... And i want so badly to ask for her number, to know if she would be in to me, to know what she thinks of me. And then... I go back home. And hate that I'm like this.

For most of my life I literally thought no woman would ever like me because I'm fat. But then one of my childhood friends suddenly attended my high school years after I last saw her and... She is gorgeous. Like should be a super model gorgeous. And she started flirting with me? And there was so much chemistry there. But then we were yelled at by another classmate to stop pretending we were lesbians and I think that scared both of us.

The older I get the more I realise that you don't regret the things you DO as much as the things you NEVER DID.

#lgbtqplus #regret #in the closet #unsupportive family #missed opportunity #bicurious

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