#even though i’d been drawn to judaism and deeply uncomfortable with christianity for years before that

[shoutsindwarvish]

two different rabbis directly to me + multiple places online: jewish imposter syndrome is real and is (to varying degrees) almost a universal experience in one way or another

me, who has been actively practicing for over nine months and taken multiple classes while also being halachically jewish by birth: i am the exception and am an imposter in jewish spaces and should feel bad about it. no i will not elaborate on why i believe this is true of me and no one else.

#to be clear NONE of this shame is being messaged to me by my shul #i’m just so insecure since i was raised religiously christian and only officially stopped attending church in 2020 #*february 2020 #even though i’d been drawn to judaism and deeply uncomfortable with christianity for years before that #and also had a degree of jewish identity through my family and celebrating holidays secularly growing up #i stayed as long as i did because 1) the liturgy was familiar #and 2) i’d be guaranteed to see my best friend once a week #converts have to go through a gauntlet. i feel like i’ve…cheated. #part of me wonders if i should pursue an affirmation #whether it would help i mean #but if i did my jewish grandfather would rise from the grave and say ‘YOU DON’T NEED IT BECAUSE YOU’RE PERFECTLY JEWISH AS YOU ARE’ #on the other hand he was also an atheist and probably would have mixed feelings on me practicing at all #although i’m not the only grandkid who’s done so #two of my cousins (their mom is my mom’s sister) were raised catholic but switched to judaism at least 10 years ago #to my knowledge neither of them went through an affirmation process #ughhhhh #my posts #jumblr #i guess i did elaborate why in the tags huh