#even though he's always been very understanding & sensitive & respectful & reasonable 🤦

[jimkirkachu]

FTM / NB advice re: top surgery?

(cw medical stuff, gender stuff, transition-type stuff, binding stuff, anxiety x infinity, lgbtq isolation/confusion)

In T minus 11.25 hours, I'll be having an annual checkup with my doctor and attempting to explain to him that I fully intend to get top surgery as soon as possible because my therapist has okayed it, I actually have the means to pay for it, and no I'm not transitioning but I'm sick to death of having breasts and being immediately assigned Female by all sighted humans because of them.

Has anyone out here had this kind of conversation with a doctor and had absolutely No Idea what their reaction/reception would be? I am, by nature, an extremely shy/nervous/passive person (and my anxieties all peak when I'm in a doctor's office 😒). So between already being afraid of ever "declaring" anything or asserting myself (let alone to a medical professional who also happens to be male) and the fact that I don't have any real sense for how he'll respond... (will he tell me I can't pursue this and make me argue with him about it, aka send my blood pressure off the charts and make me die of anxiety??) — all of it combined has me panicking, now that it's nighttime and my other obligations are over and I'm just trying to calm down and sleep before I have to get up and force some sort of food down so I don't pass out from all the anxiety that's already attached to doctor visits.

[Also is it okay to wear a binder to a standard physical? Will I get in trouble for buying/wearing a binder without ever having consulted him?]

tldr Desperately seeking any nb or ftm who's had chesticles removed, is okay talking about it/giving advice, and [optional] is looking for an anxious mess of a friend to reassure/encourage/intimidate into standing up for myself. 😬😵‍💫😕

#not trek #personal log #gender identity #top surgery #doctors appointment #medical anxiety #non-binary #non binary #nonbinary #chest binding #ftnb #trans ftnb #oooo why do I have to get all fucked up every time I have a doctor visit #I will probably be awake all night so if you have ideas/advice my brain will definitely appreciate it #assertiveness #being assertive #send help #I am a pushover & a scaredy cat & afraid I'll be yelled at for taking up time/space or for trying to tell my dr what I want #even though he's always been very understanding & sensitive & respectful & reasonable 🤦 #why am i like this #nb problems #shy person problems 🤦 #self advocacy #one of my greatest weaknesses #lgbtqia+ #(but no pride here I am too nervous and convinced I'm not Non-Cishet Enough to belong anywhere) #jtkchu is a loser #jtkchu needs a friend 💔 #jtkchu's brain #stfu jtkchu