#even if in reality we don't talk at all

[mewtwo24]

I finally finished reading the fourth volume of svsss in full, and thing is--the first time through I only read the bingqiu content because I was ravenous for more of their happy ending.

Turns out that was a perilous mistake.

Because I started reading the airplane extras. And I swear to god. MXTX is trying to kill me

What do you MEAN demon lord Binghe was sitting on his big fucking throne. All stoic and forbidding. Surrounded by his demon generals who don't know shit about human courtship. Asking them what he should do, fully demoralized by constant rejections from sqq, only to have airplane tell him to act more pathetic and needy. Which is already hysterically funny and insane, UNTIL LBH'S RESPONSE IS THIS, KILLING ME INSTANTLY:

LUO BINGHE. WHY DOES HE SAY IT LIKE: "I already tried that, didn't work--nothing works :/ not mean, not maidenly, not housewife, not spicy, not capable disciple. Is doubling down on clingy really all it will take? What's a born hater with only one love in his life to do????"

The dichotomy of him sitting there like 'how can I reach the unfathomable depths of shizun's heart?' A HEART HE'S ALREADY WON OVER, MIND and then in the Holy Mausoleum solving the puzzle without blinking and being like 'oh yeah you just have to hit the acupoints, no sweat.' Literally the comedy writes itself I'm so--

How am I supposed to be normal about this. MXTX understands the juicy quintessential queer joy of a person with the world's power at their fingertips wishing only for love. Willing to do anything to earn that love, when unbeknownst to them it's already been freely given. Totally not screaming and yelling and clawing at the walls

And that's not even touching airplane's uproarious account of events. The way he's like 'lol what's next, lbh and sqq are best friends now? smfh' only to see lbh TACKLE SQQ LOVINGLY. FOR SQQ TO BE BASHFUL ABOUT IT BUT SO SO FOND OF THE LITTLE SCAMP. This when we've been experiencing sqq's constant inner monologue of 'I'm so cool and so dignified about my role, truly the epitome of propriety and poser-level fortitude.' Meanwhile, in their universe:

Airplane constantly flaming???? Sqq and lbh in his observations????? His absolute bewilderment and confusion????? Legendary. No notes every single second of this shit was hilarious.

Airplane's comment that sqq + older adolescent lbh traveling together was just watching a couple in their honeymoon phase. OR the fact that lbh is exceedingly petty and refuses to share their food in the wake of airplane's interruption of their time together, until sqq relents sheepishly and insists airplane eat what's left (ONLY AFTER PLACATING LBH WITH MORE FOOD FROM HIS PLATE, SOBBING)

Watching airplane salivate over Mobei-Jun and acting like that's totally normal behavior. Finding out mbj and airplane got together first. Finding out sqq encouraged airplane. LIKE THIS. WHILE HE IS STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT HIS OWN FEELINGS:

Mobei-jun clearly thinking their arrangement is a forever thing, heartbroken his human abandoned him with all the hapless fury of a scorned wife swept away by false promises of fidelity. Airplane writing demons to be the type to beat up their crush lovingly and still unable to connect the dots about mbj's feelings. Mbj letting him go and respecting his wishes, only relenting when there's indication airplane was poorly processing his own feelings and didn't actually want to leave. Mbj caring for him and listening to him as soon as airplane voices what he needs directly and with clarity. None of these gays are functional and it's everything to me

Unrelated, but I physically can't hold this information in anymore:

I'm still reeling from younger lbh having his sexual awakening from the image of sqq wrapped in the immortal binding cables. Condemn me as you like he was so, so real for that.

And no I will not be taking any comments about how luo bingge couldn't bear to see luo binghe cherished in ways he never got to have and all the haunting implications of that. I will also not be taking any comments about luo binghe's instinct to look for sqq in that alternate universe, only to be shaken to the very core to be unable to find his shizun anywhere. The unspeakable and latent horror of his relentless mind likely piecing together what happened, but unable to say it; to suspect what is true, and live with the harrowing confusion of his double's actions. To blame himself, to assume that he had let his anger get the better of him in that world and result in unspeakable folly...

I also refuse to talk about how heartrending it is to hear Tianlang-jun weakly say "In the end, I really can't bring myself to hate humans." The implication that the foolishness of that hope and bright-eyed fondness--the very thing that put him through such unspeakable agony--couldn't be beaten out of him entirely. To discover that his faith in Su Xiyan hadn't been misplaced, to the contrary: his beloved hadn't scorned him at all, but rather fought to the miserable end to protect the fruition of their genuine feelings of love when she couldn't protect tlj or herself.

How MXTX has sqq deliberately draw parallels between their situation and that of ygy+sj and tlj+sx; desperately wishing it might not be too late for them. The concept of breaking cycles of abuse and harm pervasive throughout the newly devised story, how it evolves for the better only when love takes the place of power, pride, and domination. How the moment sqq chooses vulnerability instead of saving face, the genre shifts to the so-called "cringe" girly genre where most if not every character is more fulfilled, more true to themselves. How the "male-oriented" former genre was aimlessly sensationalized and sexualized, how it was a sustained performance of aspirational toxic masculinity. How men objectify other men without end. All of the unspoken gendered implications that come with that.

Anyways. Going to go put my head in a sandbox and try to process everything I just witnessed because even a second reading is not enough to find a modicum of closure.

#svsss #bingqiu #moshang #i swear to god this series is just 'gay man who doesn't know shit inflicting his delusional reality on everyone else and inciting chaos' #and literally it's slapstick levels of hilarious every single time; mxtx never change #also i fully agree that we did not get NEARLY enough mobei-jun and sqh/airplane content #the amount of mental illness to mental illness communication going on there was astonishing #mobei-jun being afraid of his uncle and bringing sqh because that's the only person he trusts fully (WAILING NOISES) #sqh having a tantrum but running away because for the first time he was honest about his needs + his dissatisfaction with catering to other #how that reflects his narrative compulsions and how he felt forced to warp more creative story paths for the sake of survival as a writer #how sqq's restoration of much of his original intent--as well as mobei-jun's acceptance of his needs--helps airplane begin to heal #how his happiness begins; how just like sqq he wanders in such confusion and denial before he's forced to realize what truly matters to him #SHREK VOICE: STORIES HAVE. L A Y E R S #it feels like modern day shakespeare and when i say that i don't mean it in a hollow elevating sense i mean it more like #mxtx just hits that perfect balance of poignance but also hilarious concentric circles of botched communication and brainworms #okay but real talk for a minute? .........;-; #the way lbh constantly struggles with such a crushing feeling that he'll be abandoned over any little mishap/thing/problem #really hit me where it hurts??? if only because its so clearly an anxiety that stems from original goods' upbringing #the way it becomes even more heartrending when you think back to all the sect leaders clamoring that he should have been killed as an infan #that he should have been aborted as a fetus--insisting right in front of him that his birth was a mistake and a disgrace #over having demon blood in his veins. like my god that scene is so viscerally upsetting i struggle to read it #the way its so easy to see the demons as a manifestation of otherness in precipitated form #how both sqq and sqh are influenced by human rhetoric without evening meaning to--assuming the worst against their better judgment #how both sqq and sqh both struggle with their own otherness in different ways and only find solace when they begin to accept who they are #how their lovers (lbh and mbj respectively) both are willing to navigate those confusing waters with them #how both demons love them as they are--accept them as they are despite how difficult forgiveness of perceived betrayal is for them #ty mxtx for changing my brain chemistry #as i get older i have such a fondness for the messiness of thematic queer self-discovery and growth into self-acceptance #that and how youth can so easily be defined by perfectionistic self-harm and the violence of repression

[finexbright]

.

#oooooh time for another controversial opinion #i get that babygate frustrates us and just puts us off and all that i get that i was there when it happened i'm still here i feel the same #but can we all just think. for once. that it's possible that it's harder for louis than it is for us? #like. we can ignore it and talk shit about but it's actually his fucking reality #and yeah he's rich and white and privileged but also like. this has so much to do about his mental health than all that #i get us being frustrated but i truly don't understand people getting entitled???? like you can't just end it with a click of a button #there's SO MUCH entangled in this #people act like louis CHOSE this like louis WANTED this and it's like. you're diminishing his brain and intellect to that #ending babygate will lead to a cascading domino effect of a lot of things. like it'll be the industry's biggest exposé #so yeah i just think that louis' doing his best and maneuvering it in ways that he thinks is wise #like you can't just be like ''so i'm not the father. also i'm gay. also fuck syco. fuck the industry'' without it literally shifting the #entire industry. like the entire band will be affected. even harry #so can we all just. for one second sit back and realise that LOUIS is the one who's actually dealing with this and we're just WATCHING it? #like this isn't our reality this isn't our life we don't know anything and can we at least give louis a bit more credit #than the rubbish narrative that ''he wants this'' like fuck's sake #babygate

[ctl-yuejie]

ramblings on Li Ming (and Heart) and homosexuality

moonlight chicken has so many things to offer in terms of technical beauty and interesting themes but what i cannot stop thinking about is the different ways they approach homosexuality in the story.

we have Wen who has a rainbow flag on his desk and pictures of him and Alan on the wall. Wen, who openly flirts with Jim and has no qualms talking openly about his one night stand. Wen, whose step father knows about his sexuality and is close enough with him to discuss his love life.

Kaipa we don’t know too much about. But his mom knows and is supportive and some of the vendors and the chicken family seem to know. But if anyone was questioning in what reality this show is set with all the class discussion and corona featuring, his part of the story shows that homophobia exists and he is worried about how he fits in with his own family, the expectations of his mother and possible the awareness that he makes the family he has “different”.

Jim is arguably even more visibly gay than Wen in terms of what we see throughout the show. He opened the shop with his ex, they prayed at the temple together and even though he objected due to proprities sake eventually they loudly declared their love to each other and the whole neighbourhood knows. Wen somehow feels like he is living in the remnants of a bubble: his circle of friends seems very queer, his closest friend and the whole gym seem to be all part of that as well. This only might change now with him questioning his work and breaking up with Alan: some gatherings he won’t attend anymore apparently.

And finally, we have Li Ming. At school he doesn’t seem to open up to his classmates on most things and additionally is in the closet. While there wasn’t anything alluding to homophobic rethoric being spread at school we can see how the heteronormativity gets to him and feel that there must be good reason as to why no one knows. And it could just be how Li Ming is judging the situation based on vibes, we don’t know. His mother is or at least was homophobic but at the same time he is raised by his gay uncle who is surrounded by other gay people. And I love how it feels like this might have given him enough security to be comfortable with his own sexuality but how it also isn’t enough to shield him from the world at large.

With so many great shows coming out of Thailand and most of them getting more and more political it just feels so real and 2023 to me that Li Ming is part of a generation that knows who they are but still have to battle with the shadow that homophobia has cast way before they were born.

#moonlight chicken #i had this in my draft for a week now thinking if i'd get the time i could put this more leloquently but that was a lie as it turns out #might edit some stuff later #but for now i just have to write about how fantastic this show is for giving these varied realities of queer life #which are all influenced by their environment but also in the way the characters connect across generations #we don't know if him had a gay mentor who could've guided him #whereas li ming technically has him and his neighbourhood friends to reference #but li ming - understandibly so - seems more closeted than anyone else (minus Heart possigly) #in middle school everyone around me proclaimed how supportive they were of lgbt+ rights #but as soon as one guy came out he become the TALK of the school for weeks #he got reduced to his sexuality #and when he dated a girls some months after he got called attention seeking for coming out as gay before #and most people thought they were doing an open-minded thing #and despite knowing that i know that i am not the only queer kid who decided to not come out lest we'd become that talk of the whole school #and our dating lives scrutinized #even though all of us were super comfortable with who we are #and for me that was mostly the case because i had adult lesbian role models close to my family #so i knew i was good and that nothing strange was going on #but still - this othering made the school environment hostile enough to keep me in the closet #so yes - i am extremely delighted with how they depict this dynamic with li ming

[airenyah]

Your essay on Joong's underrated acting skills deepened my Joong appreciation so much, that I watched Mafia the Series, I'm watching Ploy's Yearbook (even though there is a serious lack of Joong so far), and I'm planning on watching The Warp Effect too. I haven't watched het shows in over ten years, so this is a big deal! 😂 I really liked him with Dunk in their shows, but MTS gave me another facet of him, because he's so timid in it, unlike in SIMM and HA, where he's (seemingly) very cool and in control. So thank you for making me a full time Joong (and Dunk) girl 💜

i saw this message first thing in the morning when i woke up yesterday and it instantly put me in a good mood!!! <3

YESSSSSS I'M SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT

mafia the series might actually be my absolute fave thai het-show, it's just SO funny!!!! and the entire cast is so great, like, not just joong but the entire cast plays off each other SO well. and don't even get me started on gina virahya and her portrayal of anna kondra!!!!

you know, when i went into mafia the series i saw the poster and was like "ughh i really am gonna have to sit through this standard (overly) dramatic mafia show just for joong, huh. the things i do for my boy..." and then. AND THEN. you can imagine my surprise. i was crying tears of laughter throughout the show and i was actually laughing so hard that my mom made a comment about how she could hear my laugh in my room

beam is my loser boy and joong portrays him in such an adorably awkward way, i love it <333

and yes there IS a serious lack of joong in ploy's yearbook so far :((((

it was quite funny tho bc in the one scene where joong does show up i immediately recognized him by the back of his head, like!! i saw this:

and instantly went "OH there's my boy!!!!!" 😂😂😂

and i can't wait to see him with film bc film did extremely well with gun in not me and i feel like film and joong will also work together really well

you know, i'm always happy to turn people into full time joong (and dunk) girls!!!!!!

i've adored them ever since simm which i watched live from ep2 onwards. fun fact, actually: when i started simm i actually had no idea who they were (even though technically i'd seen dunk in bad buddy already, except i wasn't paying attention to the random high school bandmates and so i didn't actually recognize dunk and only realized later on ahahah)

aaaanyway, i had no idea who they were, right? and so in 2022 my mom and i spent two nights in prague during easter and in the evening we were in our hotel room and we were kinda looking for something to watch. and i was like "hey look, gmmtv has a new bl out and it looks kinda cute and fluffy judging by the thumbnails?? and like something that doesn't require too much brain power?? plus, there's also only two eps out so far, so we'll be caught up right away" and so we watched the first two episodes and then the two of us ended up watching every new ep together every week hahaha

i actually didn't really talk about it on tumblr back then and when you go back on my blog you'll see that there are hardly any simm post. but really, with every new simm episode that aired i liked joongdunk more and more. and especially once the characters started dating i was actually so in awe about just how comfortable joong and dunk were with each other and how they absolutely weren't afraid to touch? like, their physical affection was just so casual, like it was the most natural thing in the world to them in an "i'm-not-even-thinking-about-it-bc-it's-so-normal" kind of way and that was just soooo refreshing to watch?? i was (and still am) truly amazed

and when just a couple of months later, at the end of 2022 gmmtv announced joongdunk were gonna get another show together i got SO excited!! and also when it was revealed that simm was included in our skyy 2!!!!

and then hidden agenda started airing and then i was tagged in that tag game and then i went to watch joong's entire filmography and then i ended up falling into a joongdunk rabbit hole and here we are...

anyway, i have multiple agendas and one of them is turning people into joong fans and dunk fans and joongdunk fans sllksdfd

and my other agenda is getting people to watch mafia the series, bc it's truly a gem of a show!!!!

(speaking of agendas: the only thing that's missing in your message is you telling me that you approve of my fight for a sexy joongdunk vampire bl, like... that would have made the message and the influence of my joong/dunk/joongdunk blogging complete 😂😂😂)

#you know when i saw your message first thing in the morning my immediate thought was #''ok nothing that happens today can top this like. my day is ALREADY made and i only just woke up'' #your message set the bar very very high for me tbh #but then in the afternoon my crush unexpectedly called me after we barely talked the past 3 or so months and we spent 1.5h on the phone #and well i'm really sorry but THAT was the actual no.1 highlight of my day yesterday dfjkkjdfkfdg #i swear your message is a close second tho!!! 😂😂 #asks #anon #joong archen #adrm #no but every time someone tells me i turned them into a joong fan/dunk fan/joongdunk fan i get such a rush of satisfaction lmao #i'm desperately waiting for summer night #i might just go off about dunk's acting after that #we'll see #bc i REALLY wanna see what dunk can do without joong and if he'll be as good #my money is on ''yes'' but i also don't wanna say anything to avoid eating my own words kdfkdf #but in reality i see many qualities to him as an actor that i think he should be able to do keep even without being opposite joong #besides he's now done two series as a lead character so now he has a lot more acting experience than he did going into simm #his acting was already so much stronger in hidden agenda then it was in simm (hello?? yank-kiss-yeet?? ep9?? ep11??) #and i trust that he's not just gonna lose it all in summer night all of a sudden #god i'm immensely excited to see him act in summer night you don't even know

[niishi]

when it comes to mental illness, you can never please anyone. you're either mentally ill and do your best to not be a victim and to cope and grow, and then ppl act like you're not mentally ill and dismiss your genuine issues, or you make a big deal of it and harm ppl and yourself with it and then you're too much to handle. like what's gonna make ppl happy? what will make them validate your position in life? literally nothing.

#ive been medicated since i was 14 #and have heen suicidal since i was 14 #i put in so much effort to combat my mental illness so i can just live a happy life #where i dont want to die 24/7 #and where i can relax and appreciate my life etc #and bc i put so much effort in to coping and healing and growing #ppl just dismiss that im genuinely mentally ill #what do u want from me? #do u want me to have breakdowns and abuse people? #do you want me to make life hard for others and myself? #when will i ever get recognized for fighting so fucking hard for myself? #ppl only care when youre negatively effecting them and then #they use it as an excuse to dismiss your reality and hard work #idk man #im not saying i have mental illness and disability to be cute and quirky #im saying that bc ive been in and out of the doctors since i was 14 and have been diagnosed by #several different doctors all with the same diagnosis' #i have incurable mental disorders from taking medication that #kept me from killing myself but gave me massive dissociation #its not a joke and its not for attention #i don't even rlly talk about it unless i have to remind ppl that im not normal like they are #and stop writing off ppl who are good representations of strength and growth within their mental illnesses #we exist and we should be given more recognition so other ppl in our situations can see an example of someone #coexisting with their issues in a more healthy manner

[aerithisms]

i still have so many questions about the ff7 remake story. why did aerith even have knowledge of the future in remake to begin with? from a watsonion perspective, why does she lose that knowledge after the end of remake when sephiroth doesn't? (i'm fully aware the doylist reason is that having a character who knows the future would totally break the plot but i'm still curious if there's more to what they were doing with aerith's remake character or if this is it). what was her motivation to encourage the party to fight the whispers in the original game when she knew the party would defeat sephiroth in the end if events followed fate? was it simply that she wanted the chance to live? because that makes me want to lie down and cry!!!!

#blahs #ff7 #rebirth spoilers #sephiroth's whole “so must you” line to aerith about accepting her fate seems to imply he's saying she was resisting it #and that the aerith we see in cloud's dream reality is the aerith from remake with all her knowledge of the future #and her pushing cloud out of the dream is her accepting her death? #which makes me want to die!!!!! #it also seems implied by sephiroth that remake!aerith went and hid away in the alternate reality as a way to run from her fate?? #idk i might have to go back and watch things again #but if so perhaps that answers my question about why aerith loses her future knowledge #i do dig it a lot bc i have always been a staunch Aerith Wanted To Live Believer #i dislike the interpretation that in og ff7 she knew she would die and it was a noble sacrifice. i think that diminishes the tragedy #so the idea that she actively resisted it when given the chance even if she eventually had to accept the reality of death makes me very !!! #like it breaks my heart but it's in line with my interpretation of her character #anyway. i'm vomiting all this to my tumblr audience of People Who Don't Care About FF7 bc my bestie's asleep so i can't talk to her about i #tumblrinas please play ff7 i promise it's so good it's some of my favourite character writing in a game ever for real

[southernmermaidsgrotto]

Do you think love and light spirituality is toxic?

Definitely yes.

Now some of you will run away just from reading those two words, let me elaborate: It's not just toxic, it's actively harmful and racist, ableist, it's white cis hetero male supremacist in every way. Completely rooted in naz1 ideas from the very beginning of it. You just gotta look at the history of the whole movement and there's flaming red flags everywhere.

But even if you don't know the history and social context of how it came to be and popularized (which you should, do your research), just by looking at these people and how they move through life you can still clearly see the issues with it.

I have 3 main problems with the whole "love and light" thing that a lot of new age people spread, the first and biggest for me is spiritual bypassing. New Age "love & light" culture is not only completely incorrect (the dark is just as important, real and necessary for balance as the light, really, I'm saying it as someone with 10+ years of experience and a whole family background in ancestral traditions. The dark shit is Important and necessary, to understand all aspects of life, spiritual and not, to grow as a person and as a practitioner, to protect yourself and yours from both material and spiritual things and to fight either if needed.) but the whole "good vibes only" ends up being delusional at best and straight out abusive at worst, many times gaslighting people and denying racism, colonialism, oppression of all kinds, spiritual and physical illness, mental illness, basic history and science, all things that can have very real, physical consequences on people's mental health, overall health, and safety in general, not to mention the wider effects on society as a whole (having people running around with the emotional inteligence of a clam shell, scratch that, even clams are better than that lmao and spreading misinformation and harm like wildfire). The Second big mess is how much it promotes the complete lack of literacy and rational critical thinking. People will learn a new fancy thing and just run with it without knowing the full history and correct use of things and words, without questioning the source and context of the whole situation. Misinterpreting the little knowledge they have, either because it's something they overheard, or read in 1 book and never bothered to dive deeper into it's roots and history and true meaning, having the most shallow and incorrect "knowledge" of things, etc. It goes hand in hand with the 1st problem to create the 3rd issue: straight out willful malicious ignorance. They don't know any better and they can't be bothered to learn any better either. It's not just laziness or disinterest, it's straight out conscious denial of truth, repression of their own feelings and thoughts and identity even in some cases, to just be able to keep this facade of "love & light" that's killing them from the inside, hurting themselves and hurting anyone they come into contact with aswell, all to serve their selfish purposes and their own agendas.

All these three things feed off and enhance each other in an endless loop, that gets even worse in the kinds of conspiracy theory echo chambers these people move in. The ignorance and immaturity combined with someone who doesn't do any introspection at all and is straight out lying to themselves and others, either from a place of delusion, or in the case of most white people, priviledge. It's a huge system that only feeds white supremacy and keeps people of color disconnected from their true feelings and health, personal identity, culture and community, taking people away from any and every possible source of real power. It's keeping the priviledged in power and the disenfranchised in misery while denying the whole situation, spreading misinfo to confuse, divide and put the blame on the victims instead of the actual victimizer.

Priviledged people spread misinformation and lies because they don't know and don't care + actively benefit from keeping you in the dark, all while screaming from the top of their lungs that they have your best interests at heart and will "shine light on truths" while their actions are the complete opposite of that, then hide from the results of anything harmful they do under the "love & light positive thoughts only" thing to avoid conflict and consequences. It's bullshit. Call them out on their bullshit everytime.

#I love my people #but some of y'all got some serious undiagnosed mental illness going on and don't want to acknowledge it #got people thinking they're atlantean kemet aliens when their true african ancestors side eye and sigh #know yourself #know your people #know WHITE FOLKS WILL SAY THE CRAZIEST SHIT JUST TO KEEP YOU AWAY FROM YOUR TRUE POWER and SOME!! OF Y'ALL DEEPTHROATING THAT SHIT!!!! #without even knowing it was yt folks that made it up to justify racism and eugenics like !!! #and know mentall illness is a real thing that leaves you seriously exposed to these kinds of abusive environments #so keep that in check and stay in touch with reality thankyewww #seriously read some actual history books and even better: TALK TO PROPER ELDERS.....NONE of them is gonna mention anything like #what you hear from new age folks #cause all new age shit was made up less than 100 years ago and WE!!! GO BACK!!! 400+ years!!!! just as diaspora!!!! THOUSANDS as natives!!! #(american or african or else) #tap into THAT!!!!

[sevicia]

Logged into Facebook and realized a girl I was "friends" with (AKA she followed me around even when I told her to stop) in elementary school had messaged me over a year after she'd changed schools and it's like "Hi [deadname]" then a month later "[DEADNAME] ANSWER GOD DANG IT!!!!" then half an hr later "[DEADNAME]" then a week later she sent me one of those chain things like "I promise we'll ALWAYS BE FRIENDS forward this to 16 friends and watch how the FAKE ONES IGNORE IT" and finally a month later "[DEADNAME] FFS". And it's crazy to me cause looking at my profile I apparently WAS still using that site semi-regularly but have 0 memory of ever seeing these.

#diary #I don't really feel any particular way abt it just like. why the urgency #oh this was like 6th or 7th grade IDK. #a lot of people back then called themselves my ''friends'' but in reality would just follow me and talk to me constantly #even when I told them to go away. treating me like a freak #literally ''adopt an introvert!! x3!!''/''all the best people are crazy O_o'' type attitude if that makes sense #like Ohhhhh I see. #You get to make fun of me for being ''crazy'' my whole childhood until we start reaching puberty and suddenly being ''edgy'' is cool. OK.

[sequoiareachesforthesky]

Ok I'm gonna give a warning for this one : please check the TW in the tags before reading. Because I'm gonna go into some real life examples in relation to the first tw listed in the tags, and it's not something that's usually talked about in the Milgram fandom (at least as of late). I won't go too deep into the topic, but still, be aware of that.

Edit: since people reblog this without necessarily tagging the tw, here they are: TW for police brutality, abuse and torture.

The way I approach Milgram is : What the prisoners do inside the prison is their problem. The only thing we have power over is the vote and maybe the kind of voices the prisoners hear. That's it. We don't have power over the prisoners' actions. They are responsible for their actions inside the prison.

Sure, they may give us indications on what they intend to do and what they might be able to do depending on their verdict, but you know what? That's their responsibility, not mine. Kotoko is the one who chose to go around the prison with a bat to beat up guilty prisoners. Not Es. Not me. The prisoners are mature enough to make their own decisions and I'm not here to enact preventive punishment (because preventive punishment/policing is just fucked up).

So if Amane tries to hurt other prisoners or convert them if she's voted innocent? Her choice, not mine. Because that hasn't happened yet, you know? For all we know, an innocent verdict might make her reconsider things, or the way she approaches things. The only choice I can make is whether I inflict pain directly and with certainty by voting the prisoners guilty (psychological torture).

I have really strong opinions on preventive punishment/policing because of some stuff that has been happening in France lately. There has been a lot of protests for a bunch of different reasons and the way the police was instructed to "take care" of them is just alarming: a bunch of random kids being put in custody (even though we have the right to protest) just to dissuade further protests, or just sending a lot of police force because the protest might go violent (which in turn just increases the tension among the protesters. How effective./s). One of the reasons protests have been happening is that a cop shot a kid in the chest because he could have caused a car accident (I'm summing things up here but that's pretty much what happened). And if you don't see the problem in this kind of preventive law enforcement (which is simply not the role of the police, punishment must be decided in court, not before a trial has even started), well I'm afraid we just can't get along.

I know Milgram is different, but the latest events have made me especially cautious of arguments that go "we should do this violent thing to prevent another violent thing to potentially happen". It just irks me. I'm not mad at people who vote Amane (or other prisoners for that matter) guilty or whatever, it's just fiction and I realize those people wouldn't act the same in real life, but I do think we are going off too many assumptions about things that are not certain to happen and that aren't our responsibility anyway. And most importantly in my eyes, we think we have a bigger influence on Milgram than we actually do.

Sorry for the rant about the police. In this post, I'm talking about the situation in France specifically, and I realize it doesn't necessarily apply to other countries. I just wanted to explain where my aversion for preventing policing comes from and give examples of how it can really derail.

Anyway that's it. That's the post. Hope you're having a good day.

#police brutality tw #abuse tw #torture tw #milgram #milgram project #amane momose #not sorry for bringing up serious topics. we always use fiction to talk about reality after all. #the only thing i think the audience is responsible of is the reaction of the prisoners to *our* abuse #and i don't think we can fix those with even more abuse

[magentagalaxies]

having a moment about my gender rn and i'm just like ugggggh @ my brain do we have to. like can we just not

#i need to go to bed soon bc i have a 10am class tomorrow but shoutout to the identity crisis i've been having since at least feb 6th #idk if identity crisis is even the right word. bc like one thing about me is that i have a very solid sense of self #like i know who i am and what i want and how i move through the world and what it feels like to be me #but in terms of how i label and explain that to others? that's where the identity crisis comes in #but no one else gets to experience me in first person POV so the descriptors i use and they ways i present myself are reality to them #and tbh? as i think about how some of the descriptors i use for myself don't accurately describe me some people are getting mad??? #which is so fucking bizarre bc like. what the fuck it's my gender why are YOU being offended??? #but it's also making me low key be like ''wait am i a bad person now????'' #even tho i don't believe morality works like that. idk it's just been an exhausting month and a half #if anyone wants to hear more in depth thoughts on all this i would love to vent about it #(but not rn bc i will be going to bed as soon as i get this all out) #but like what i will say now is even tho this past month and a half has been ROUGH (for several reasons especially gender) #and people might expect that me spending so much time with scott in february made it more exhausting #which is understandable we love scott but touring in general is tiring and also i am the most opinionated person i've ever met but so is he #and also like. if you've heard scott talk about gender it's very obvious we disagree on a lot of things and he doesn't shy away from that #but the thing is. i'd actually say spending so much time with scott (even when we talk about gender. even when we *argue* about gender) #was actually such a good thing for me throughout all of this bc even when we disagree on semantics of labels #scott actually sees me beyond that rather than reducing my identity to what i call myself #which is how a lot of well-meaning allys tend to treat me. like i'm just one thing. #so when i'm with scott i never really have to think about my gender #bc he doesn't treat me like i'm (insert whatever gender people treat me like). he just treats me like i'm jessamine #and i'm tired of having to explain myself into smaller pieces so people can pretend to get it #but i feel like there's no way not to do that in our society rn especially at my ''progressive'' liberal arts college

[wild-at-mind]

If you ever see me becoming one of those transmisandry people, please fucking call me out immediately.

#it shouldn't happen though i am too triggered by MRA-lite material #i can't see that changing any time soon even though i haven't had exposure to the content for like 10 years #the transmisandry discourse on this site melts my brain it's awful it's just online stuff being argued about more online stuff #this is not the same as me saying i will never be treated badly for being transmasc i am not stupid i know that happens #and i am fully committed to fighting the patriachy which has nothing whatsoever to do with my individual manhood or anyone else's #it's a system and yes gender and how we fit into the patriachy is made extremely complicated in trans circles and that's ok! #i promise it is you don't have to design a new system that cis women and trans women are using to do oppression on specifically trans mascs #we're all being fucked over by the patriachy and how the fuck does it help to be divided #but in reality let's face it i can say this all i want but the real reason i'm never going anywhere near being a transmisandry person #is because i was exposing myself to MRA-lite content at a formative age and harming myself in the process #even if i didn't know i was a trans man guess what it would have harmed me just as much if i did have that awareness #and honestly when i see transmisandry discourse all i see is that fucking triggering stuff again #all it does is nitpick whether patriachy is real with tiny examples it doesn't talk systemicly and it doesn't help men in the slightest #it pays lipservice to marginised men but it has no interest in talking about the fact that men are usually simultaenously #oppressed and oppressor at the same time- this is not accusatory it is just factual #it's true of the queer community too and basically every community #but we can't seem to talk about it without just harming each other and blaming and not seeing each other as human #the internet makes it all so much fucking worse this stuff can't exist without it #anyway i'm super rambling but these are genuinely very triggering topics for me i have unfollowed people i LOVE becuase of this #and i still love them! unfollowing on a social media isn't a referendum on that i just can't see that stuff and i need it gone from my dash

[damiemontclair]

*sigh* once more having to explain to people that I didn't watch disney or ghibli as a kid, that we had restricted amounts of tv times and usually watched recorded movies with my dad and thus I grew up on the german dub of bud spencer and terence hill movies until we were old enough for the saturday evening crime show (ncis, also, german dub, dinner had to be finished by 20:15) which then became a weekly ritual for like. 2 or 3 years.

#Listen not everyone watched disney or ghibli or cartoons. #We barely watched any tv at all until we were teens #Tv was a holiday special for when we went to my grandparents and only 2h a day while they napped #So we usually just got a bunch of cartoons with 0 context all all. #Random eps of yugioh and pokemon and another show I don't remember the name of #The first movie I remember watching and enjoying as a kid is star wars. I was obsessed. I was 6. #Anyway point is. Stop saying 'everyone has seen it'. It is very ostracising. #No. Not everyone has seen it. Whether that is bc of a lack of interest or a lack of availability doesn't matter. #Do yall have any idea how often I was excluded during middle and high school #Because I wasn't watching as much tv/the same tv as everyone else? #I was watching charmed while everyone else was going on about some stupid reality tv or those singing contests or gntm #And whatever movie was in now. #I got so much hate for enjoying queen or non-german bands and singers. #Not everyone has the same experiences. Please stop assuming. #Sorry for the rant #I kinda went off there... Just having another discussion about this with some friends and its like. #I know you're joking when you say you're disappointed I haven't seen these ghibli movies. No not even howls. #But it hit a sore spot. #damie talks

[louderfade]

exene talking about the state of the world. the good stuff starts at eight minutes. or you can just read the transcript complete with the usual errors that accompany robot transcribed speech (the irony of which is not lost on me). maybe it's not about transhumanism and living forever (or maybe it is who knows), but there's definitely an agenda of surveillance and control at work which is designed to keep the powerful in power. cash rules everything around me and you will own nothing etc. the future is worse.

#google has helpfully flagged this as a 'conspiracy theory' which let me know it was definitely worth paying attention to #sometimes a conspiracy theory turns out to be flatearth-tier but anything those in control are putting effort into discrediting #concerns me and makes me look deeper. if they're going to the effort to control the discourse there's something there that #threatens them. anything google calls a conspiracy theory is worth a closer look. it often means someone has gotten too close to the truth. #she's brave to be talking about this shit they basically cancelled her and forced her to apologize for talking about how they want #to take our guns and the media is lying to you and stirring up fear so they can get away with passing gun control #like wtf leftists should be all about gun rights. a disarmed population is totally at the mercy of the state's authority #it's not very punk to surrender entirely to regimes in power and let the only people with guns be the police #like c'mon guys we need guns. and it's like drugs. they exist anyway. better they do so in broad daylight than in the shadows #they let adam curits talk about this stuff for some reason and no one calls him a conspiracy theorist idk why but there's a reason #i guess his stuff is not a threat to them bc it's dense and heady and seven hours long so the masses will never absorb it #ex punk rocker yelling about new world order in plain language monologues of digestible length is a much bigger threat #i swear there are secretly fifty people in control of everything and their entire aim is to make sure it stays that way no matter what #but it's really gross how obvious it's getting like the whole system just funnels money straight to the top and they don't even care #about hiding it anymore they're just doing it out in open and denying objective reality with confidence it's too much sometimes #i swear i can feel my grasp on reality deteriorating. it's as if there were a loud buzzing in the out of doors that was getting #louder every day and nobody ever said anything to acknowledge that it was real nobody talked about hearing the buzzing but it just #keeps getting louder and i'm finally like wtf is with this buzzing and everyone gets mad at me for shouting over their netflix show #that they weren't really enjoying in the first place. like no one is happy in the modern world. why can't we talk about why without #turning against each other. that's why doug saying 'maybe we're all the same' is such a big deal to me. anyone who is trying to unite us #is doing important work. that trump supporter is not the enemy. they are the victim just like you.

[subconsciousmysteries]

Oh yeah it just occured to me...

This "counterphobic 6" "I'm full of shame about being a 6" *typing everyone who acts embarrassing or annoyingly as 6* nonsense was probably invented by a lot of bitchy ass 3s. Struggling with their 3 -> 6 line and hating on their integration type as we all do.

Every 3 sees 6 as a massive loser type and a shameful thing to be. Because 6s *gasp* believe in conspiracy theories and they even *faints on chaise* talk about them in public sometimes! How embarrassing to be a human being that speaks the truth! See if you're an image type and you have the vice of Deceit this makes sense.

Also part of speaking the truth is talking about your earnest feelings and how your vulnerable humanness is being violated by the corruption in the world. Another big no-no thing for 3s.

#I recently showed my friend ennea and she related most to 6 #Which is based because that's what I originally pinned her as when I met her (6w5) #I considered 5 for her as well but she didn't feel 5 for herself #However then I explained 7 to her and she was like EW OH GOD EW NO even worse than 5 #I relate a lot to 6/7 lol but I attract a lot of 5/6 line ppl #It's so interesting #Anyways there's so much imagey shame in the definition of raw 6 that doesn't really belong there #Yes 6s disintegrate to 3 but I'm talking the static version of 6 #It's not a shame type it's a head type #6 is about finding the right belief system to place your Faith in #Which can be simplified to “it's about finding the truth of life” #Which is where it gets confused with 8 all the time because 8 is (loss of) Holy Truth #Holy Truth is the inner knowing that reality is real #The loss of it results in this constant rage that you're constantly being lied to about what's supposedly real #And it leads to the postmodernist belief that nothing is real but the power to lie about what's real. So I can do whatever I want #The weakness of 6 is being culty and the detachment from body (6 -> 9 where they need to go) makes them feel like #They cannot handle too much uncertainty and they feel very mentally impressionable if they don't have a strong belief system to put faith i #The 6 impressionablity comes from the disconnection from the body #Body types have the opposite problem where we aren't impressionable enough... We have apathy nothing matters attitude #9 at the center of body triad go figure

[vvanessaives]

some italians (more than half of the population looks like) thinking that singers do not work with their body too as if appearance doesn't play a big role in the industry (and literally every other aspect of life) are just dumb. plus i wonder why elodie gets so much hate for being ""so sexual"" as they say but the second we get to maneskin & damiano it's all okay. mh i wonder why

#rena.txt #'i wonder why'= misogyny is showing loud and clear #plus this is not a way to bring down damiano or other men artists in italy but a simple comparison of how one gets treated vs the other #the saddest thing is that it's mostly women that leave truly ridiculous messages under ANY kind of post/content of elodie. sadge!! #truly so embarrassing how there's so much misogyny in italy that is rooted in WOMEN themselves. but i wont get into the reasons #bc i would never end. it's just pathetic to see ppl/women esp write that 'shes famous just bc shes sexy and her songs suck' #also when i say that appearance plays a big role in the industry doesn't mean i think it's right!! but it's sadly a reality #sorry for a rant on italian ppl that u all don't know anything about but i want to kill so many ppl in this country #since i mentioned maneskin the difference shows even with damiano vs victoria. the amount of times ppl say shit about victoria..lord. #and can we talk about beatrice quinta??? like u don't have to like their music but the comments like 'she's a sl*t' ecc???? FUCKED UP

[gh-0-stcup]

One thing that's so odd to me about the Eugenia Cooney thing is how there's still people who think she's in denial about her ED.

She knows. She was in a treatment program, she mentioned in it Shane's "documentary". The people who are wondering what she's saying to convince doctors (and the recent crisis team) that she's fine kind of boggle my mind.

She just tells them the truth. That she has an ED and either that she's trying to work on it by herself or that she does not want to get better. It depends on where you live, but very often medical professionals aren't going to bother putting limited resources towards someone who does not want the help.

She can say, "Yes, I'm anorexic. Yes, I know I could die. No, I don't think going somewhere would help but thank you for the resources." Whether they decide that's grounds for commitment or not depends on the laws of her state and the personal judgement of those evaluating her.

Leaving her to die and moving on to the people who are in her same physical state but begging for help isn't exactly a wild decision.

#when it comes to eds even those who WANT help struggle to get into treatment programs #some do their recovery themselves and some end up dying waiting for a spot #eugenia has the resources to get that support if/when she wants it #so a lot of ppl would just shrug their shoulders and say nothing we can do #it sounds ghoulish but that's really how things happen a lot of the time #eugenia knows she has an ed and she knows it's killing her - she's known for a long time #her family knows and her doctors know #she denies it online because she doesn't feel comfortable talking about it #and because any discussion about the disorder from a severely emaciated anorexic person who does not want to recover #would be considered promoting anorexia in a way her content does not currently do #yes it's all body checking and super triggering #but her discussing the details of her disorder would literally be giving tips on how to look like her #whereas saying no i eat i just look like this naturally carries a message of you can't do anything to look like me #(even if everybody knows in reality what's up) #anybody else really tired of people who have little to no experience with stuff like this being so vocal about it? #so many people who have zero understanding of the disorder or how treatment works coming up with all kinds of nonsense #then throwing a fit and calling her a vile bitch when their attempts to help don't work #it's actually so disgusting how many people were just sooo concerned and have now taken to idc if she dies she deserves it #she's a young woman who had her entire future stolen by a disorder that's notoriously difficult to recover from #sorry she wasn't the heartwarming success story you wanted #and sorry her symptoms are often unpleasant and she's not the poor perfect little broken ana girl you decided she should be #for you to lower yourself to give her some compassion while she's dying #tw anorexia #tw ed #tw eating disorder #the whole she's actually just a narcissist doing it all for attention bs really bugs me #like tell me you know nothing about anorexia without telling me you know nothing about it lmao #maybe those of us who've struggled with eds have just sanitized the whole thing a bit too much for those who don't get it #but it's so hard to talk about the uglier bits when the reactions are so vicious #eugenia cooney