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aspecpplarebeautiful · 2 years

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Vent warning

I think it's technically internalized arophobia? But it's only at myself. Like I totally support aromantics and it's a valid identity. But only for them, I feel like I'm not allowed to be aro. I mean I was raised in the south where dating and having your dad walk you down the isle is what you think about from a really young age. It's just frustrating because I know I'm aro spec and I think it's okay for everyone besides me

A lot of times it can work like that, where you're accepting and not judgmental of others for an identity, but it's harder to accept it for yourself. And there's a lot of reasons for that, because taking on a label or identity isn't just knowing there's nothing wrong with that, it's also accepting a different kind of life then the one you'd thought you'd have. And knowing you're going to have to face judgment and prejudice from others.

It is OK to need time to adjust, or time to mourn the identity you thought you were.

It can help a lot to follow aro blogs, both aro-themed blogs and people who identify as aro and are comfortable. It can make a big difference seeing real people who are aro living their lives and just in general being real complex people you can relate to.

If you're ready for it, joining communities can help too. There's lots of online and offline aro communities, especially on sites like discord (which you can search on disboard), Arocalypse is also a fairly popular aro themed forum. You can see if there's any nearby meetup groups here. Even just lurking can be helpful.

Media is good, I'd especially look into books and podcasts for good aro media rep. Personally as an aro I relate really heavily to Jughead from the 2015 Archie Comics run where he's heavily aro-coded.

I'd also for the time being recommend avoiding any media that focuses heavily around romance (just temporarily until you're in a better space), and instead seek out more found-family kind of media.

Sometimes it can be really hard to imagine a world where you're not the identity you thought you were and told you should be. But this can help a lot, and help make being aro a lot less scary. And if you're still questioning and not quite sure, it can also make questioning easier because it will help you be more objective if you're not afraid of one of the answers.

Otherwise remember to take your time and take things one day at a time. Overcoming internalized arophobia takes time, it's not something you can just flip a switch on one day. But gradually it can better.

All the best and good luck, Anon!

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hostilecityshowdown · 2 years

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[ Put your loving hand out - Notes]

[ fic ] ◇ [ mango's heartbreak hotel au ]

thanks for reading! here's a quick breakdown of some additional information, mostly about my diesel muse.

• he's a long-haul trucker working for a shipping company. his first job was a car production factory which his parents also worked at. he was pursuing a career in basketball when he sustained a career ending injury, and he started working as a bouncer at gay and leather clubs. he met dallas and razor working this job and is still tight with them.

• he may or may not have participated in performative kink under the stage name vinnie vegas at dallas' club for extra cash

• he isn't a wrestler, since this is a strict au, but he's still very passionate about professional wrestling and probably would be happy doing it

• he's a traditional leatherman, and you can read about leather culture here

• ^he loves depeche mode

• the song "shot full of love" is what inspired scott hall to call michael hickenbottom the heartbreak kid in real life

• his tattoos are not identical to kevin nash's! he has arm and hand tattoos in the same places, but their imagery is different in both design and significance. kevin nash isnative american and his lingeage unknown but, being in michigan, i assume it isn't a stretch to write my diesel muse as ojibwe/anishinaabe. his tattoos were performed by indigenous artists and feature imagery significant to the ojibwe. i'm algonqiun and alutiiq and don't feel comfortable trying to ascribe exact descriptions of appearance and importance as i'm not ojibwe, but i imagine they're similar to my experience with other anishinaabe family/community members' tattoos.

• the title of this fic is a line from "beggin," first performed by madcon then expertly covered by måneskin.

recommended listening: stay in the light - honeymoon suite, rooms on fire - stevie nicks, seven day fool - jordan valentine, come back and stay - paul young, and depeche mode's entire "violator" album. actually, i have a whole playlist for hbk and diesel with all these songs and more. go nuts

• diesel is a trans man. the narrative implies and supports that he has had chest masculinising surgery (peri technique), hysterectomy, and atl phalloplasty with an erectile device implant. here's a link to some history about implants in ftm and trans masc phalloplasties.

• the narrative does not imply he's had facial masculinisation surgery, but he has. with his phalloplasty, he also had vaginectomy and urethral lengthening performed, and he is on testosterone.

• i used leatherman, a collection of erotic stories edited by simon sheppard for inspiration

• i mention a character named xan, in reference to corey alexander's nom-de-plume xan west. xan wrote a story about a gay vampire and a trans man titled "willing" that holds a very special place in my heart, and i recommend seeking it out. self described as a "autistic queer fat Jewish genderqueer writer with multiple disabilities," corey had a massive influence on modern LGBTQIA+ fiction, especially in relation to kink, and they sadly passed away in 2020. everyone interested in writing (especially) bi, gay, trans, non binary, and gnc men and LGBT+ subcultures should read their work and dissertations on the topics of writing these characters

• full credit to mango, @1-2-3kid ! this takes place in their universe and was edited and co-written by them. special thanks to johnny, @bret-hitman-hart for being very fun and cool and contributing to a big thing i have in the works. you're both the realest

• thank you for reading

#[ colour commentary ]#[ mango madness ]#[ heartbreak hotel au ]#[ put your loving hand out ]#[ voyager ]

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honeysuckle-venom · 2 years

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12, 16, and 17?

Thank you so much for asking Felis!!!

12. Do you have any other identities that make your experience with your dissociative disorder different, such as neurodivergency, other disorders, or gender/racial identities?

You could probably guess the answer to this, but yes, I do! My schizophrenia and DID interact in some really interesting ways, some of which I'm still very much figuring out in therapy. Although all of us are schizophrenic, different parts experience it differently, and several parts (especially child parts) don't front during psychotic episodes at all and I think are incapable of fronting while we're in that state. I think that our DID helps keep some more vulnerable parts from experiencing the horrors of psychosis, and in some ways works as a protective coping mechanism against our schizophrenia. I also think that if I had just had schizophrenia and not also DID I might not have been able to graduate from college. Although I now have external confirmation from my therapist and certain friends that I was very much psychotic throughout college, I was largely unaware of it, and I think I had dissociative amnesia around a lot of my psychotic symptoms, which allowed me to not dwell on them and to focus on school. If I had been aware of how truly unwell I was I don't think I could have done it lol. So I think having DID has actually helped me cope with my schizophrenia in the past. But of course, having two highly stigmatized and difficult mental illnesses at once presents its own challenges, and I think it has made treatment more complicated for me and has played a significant role in confusing past therapists.

16. How does having a dissociative disorder affect your relationships to the people closest to you?

Hmm. I have no idea how to answer this one. Everyone I'm close to is aware that I have DID, and it doesn't tend to be an issue? At times it has made things slightly messy, and it played a big role in losing someone who had once been my best friend. We met when I was 14 and she was 13 (she's 6 months younger) and became very close, but over time as my mental illness became more severe our relationship had struggles. I was young and didn't have the support system or boundaries I do now, and I put more on her than she could handle. We were still close by the time I realized I had DID, when I was 19, but my various symptoms had been wearing on her for years, and I think the weirdness of DID was in some ways the final straw. When I was 22 we finally stopped talking for good, which was very painful and something I still struggle with. But with all of my other friends it's never really been a problem, and many of my closest friends are really, really wonderful when it comes to talking about DID stuff or interacting with different parts. A few of my close irl friends also have DID, which helps I think. And I'm just blessed to have a lot of really understanding people in my life. If I had a significant other or lived with someone it might cause more problems, but since I live alone and only see friends every so often it tends not to be a big deal I think, especially these days as uncontrolled switches are less frequent and so it's usually me spending time with friends unless otherwise discussed/invited.

That's all ignoring how it affects relationships with my parents, which is a much more complicated topic and not one I'm going to get into right now.

17. If you could tell someone questioning whether they have DID/OSDD one thing, what would it be?

Oh boy. Um....can I pick two? The first would be to focus on your symptoms, not necessarily the diagnosis. Honor your symptoms, seek treatment for them if possible, and don't get too caught up in diagnoses or online communities. The second thing, if they were pretty sure they had it, would be to have compassion for your parts as much as possible, and to communicate. Don't try to shove parts away or ignore their needs. Listen to them and try to work together. You're ultimately on the same team.

Thank you again for the questions!!!

#answers #about us #about me #did stuff

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hellomynameisbisexual · 5 years

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How To Talk To Your Partner About Being Bisexual, According To Experts

BY GRIFFIN WYNNE

FEB 5, 2019

In a world where others may try to define you by who you're dating, understanding yourself not in relation to whom you're with can be, well, really freaking hard. No matter how long you've been out, it's not always easy to know how to talk to your partner about being bisexual. And whether you're seeing someone of your own gender, a different gender, or no gender at all (let alone same or differing sexualities), discussing your identity with your boo and establishing how they can help you feel validated and supported in it, is no small task.

According to a 2013 study by the Pew Research Center of nearly 1,200 LGBTQIA+ identifying people, only 28 percent of bisexual people reported being out to their friends and families, compared to 71 percent of lesbians and 77 percent of gay men. In a 2013 article titled, "Why Bisexuals Stay In The Closet," The Los Angeles Times reported that bi folks often don't come out for fear of facing hurtful stereotypes. With the pressures of biphobia (harmful stereotypes or judgments passed about bisexual people being more likely to cheat, less likely to seek monogamy, or just want to "experiment" in their sexuality) as well as bi erasure (denial of the existence of bisexuality), coming out as bi on an individual level can be a tumultuous process that's not necessarily easier within the loving bonds of a romantic relationship.

"Recognizing that not everyone is out (and doesn’t want to be out when first getting to know someone), it’s important to make sure you’re in a safe situation and that [coming out at bisexual] is a choice you are making," Hali Holtzman, a bisexual leader of an affinity space for Boston-based LGBTQIA+ identifying young adults and allies, tells Elite Daily. "There is nothing worse then being pressured to come out."

If you're a bi person on a date with a straight person, they may not know you're queer, which makes coming out as bisexual to a new boo particularly complex. If your date wrongly assumes that you're straight, coming out to them as bi can mean baseline coming out as queer, which can mean facing invalidating comments. "It is exhausting and frustrating to have to continuously defend my sexuality," Holtzman says.

When you're bi and your partner is a straight, cis person, it can be hard to feel validated in your identity, especially if people around you are focused on some biphobic misconceptions. "I have had the experience where friends, family, and peers who know how I identify question if I 'changed my mind' because I’m with a man. But I feel as though this invalidation typically comes from outsiders," Holtzman says. "When I’ve dated straight men, they haven’t had that toxic, 'Oh you’re straight now' mentality. This is because I won’t date men who believe that BS." Of course, coming out as bi to your straight partner can be incredibly difficult if your partner does believe that dating them means you're straight. Holtzman suggests having open dialogue with your partner and ultimately checking in with yourself about what a partner is bringing to your life if they are invalidating to your identity.

Yet, according to Holzman, coming out at bi to a new partner can mean continuously defending your sexuality, even if your new boo identifies as queer as well. "For most of my life I only felt hesitant when coming out to straight people," Holzman says. "I realize now that within the queer community there are micro-aggressions between identities. In a romantic relationship I thought it was going to be much easier to come out to a partner if they also identify as LGBTQIA+ because they ‘get’ it. This hasn’t always been the case for me."

According to a 2011 study by The Williams Institute, there's approximately nine million Americans within the LGBTQIA+ community, which is almost equivalent to the population of New Jersey. With representation of queer people in the media more widespread than ever,it's important to remember that even within the beautiful garden that is the queer community, coming out as bi to a queer partner can still be confusing and isolating. "I think the biggest issue is that it feels as though my partners only see me as what they want me to be (which doesn’t align with how I’ve identified myself)," Holzman says. "It’s super invalidating because it feels like after all this work I’ve done to feel comfortable with my own identity, they can’t be comfortable with it. It feels like being put in a box that isn’t the right size."

It can be frustrating to spend time and energy learning to express yourself in a relationship, only to have your partner negate how you're feeling. No matter how in love you are or how long you've been dating, how your partner sees you doesn't need to change how you see yourself. Your bi identity is valid and real no matter who you're sleeping with, dating, crushing on, or even married to.

The best time to talk to your partner about being bisexual is whenever you feel ready to. "Wait until you are comfortable — you don’t owe anyone anything," Holzman says. "Having a conversation about identity is super important before entering any relationship. For me, I’m at a point where I will not put myself through the emotional toll of dating people who invalidate me." Whether you're facing uncomfortable jokes or comments coming from your date or hurtful assumptions that you "may be likely to cheat" or aren't "really queer," there may be a lot of signs your partner isn't super receptive or supportive of your bi-ness. If for whatever reason your boo isn't validating your identity, it's OK to address that and advocate for your needs.

When it comes to coming out, you get to decide the who, what, when, and where. If you feel comfortable sharing with your partner, Holzman suggests having open conversations with them about your identity. Waiting until you're comfortable and ready can help you feel strong when you choose to talk to your partner about your bisexuality. And remembering that your identity is legitimate — regardless of how your partner identifies — is a hard but super important practice.

If you're feeling ready to share your bisexuality with your partner, remember: You are real and valid, and anything you're feeling is OK. Even if others try to put you in a box for their own comfort, you get to decide what words and identities feel right for you and what kind of support you need from the people you date. At the end of the day, being bisexual is a wonderful, beautiful, amazing part of what makes you you, and anyone who can't understand what it means to be bi, deserves a big bye-bye.

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jessijynx123 · 2 years

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I'm so fucking tired of the infighting.

Global facism is on the rise, meanwhile the queer community is busy fighting over what's a "valid" identity, or whether trans people deserve to be included (which, news flash of course they do!!), Or even the word queer itself!

We are drastically, globally, losing what little protections we have and were letting it happen because, what? Some people in the community don't like the way other people in the community describe themselves? Get over yourselves, please I'm begging you.

We can't begin to start having real conversations about the nature of queerness if we're so ready to bite each others heads off over the most inconsequential things, and especially if we start ignoring our past like so many young queers have done!

Learn your history, accept eachother, organize! This war is not over so long as our oppressors still hold the power to harm us. and the people you're fighting with over something as stupid as whether they fit into your binary definition of gender and sexuality, aren't your enemies, their your fellow soldiers.

If we don't wisen the fuck up, learn from what few queer elders we have left, and come together, we could lose everything our predecessors fought so hard to get us.

It breaks my heart that so many of us, who should be supporting one another, are tearing eachother down. Do you not understand? This isn't a matter of "well I just don't agree with how these people present themselves", lives have been lost in this fight. We lost an entire generation of queer people to the aids crisis, and while it's not young queers fault that they didn't have elders to learn from, it is our fault as the next generation for not seeking out this information and learning from their mistakes.

Every term we've used to describe ourselves with has been coated in blood.

It does not matter how they identify their individual experience. If they do not fit into society's perfectly heteronormative, perfectly cisgendered narrative they are queer. Whether you want to admit it or not.

Making ourselves more palatable will not save us. Ignoring our uncomfortable history will not save us.

The only thing that's going to save us, is standing united against those who try to oppress us. Be we can't start until we stop hurting eachother.

#sorry i needed to get that off my chest #vent #vent post #lgbtq #queer history #queer #lgbt rights

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onlineadventureofgroup2 · 3 years

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PERFORMANCE TASK #2

What are the things that your group think could be better in your school or community? Live down five things.

LGBTQ (rights and equality)

Climate Change (awareness raising)

Teenage pregnancy (awareness raising)

Improper Waste Disposal (awareness raising)

Covid-19 Crisis Pandemic (awareness raising)

Dull it or Sprinkle it?

What would you if you have a friend that belongs to LGBTQ?

Will you choose to throw them in the shades of life or would you sprinkle them into everyone's lives?

Not all LGBTQ are welcome to live their life freely without judgment, so as a fellow human what would you choose to do. No matter how different people can be from each other the only thing that could matter is how you let them be themselves as they enjoy life as how you do it. Give them happiness through the form of acceptance.

The White House has declared June as LGBT Pride Month. During this month many organizations are focused on raising awareness about issues and will celebrate the progress made towards increasing equal rights for those who identify themselves with the LGBT community.

For so many people, race, gender, or religion doesn’t allow them to flip their visibility on and off like a light switch. Some identity markers are always visible and invite judgment. So, if I choose not to wear my bracelet because I am worried about what others will think, I cannot confidently call myself an ally in their fight for nondiscrimination. It is much easier to hide, to retreat back into the metaphorical closet. But now more than ever we must be proud and visible. Not only do I need to continue to wear my rainbow, but I need to shout my queerness from the rooftops—let everyone know that I am gay and proud because if those who seek to silence our voices succeed, we cannot continue the progress we have come to take for granted. - Charlie Kolodziej

The Earth has been in existence for billions of years yet a constant problem that has only been discovered in recent decades is how climate change is slowly destroying our planet. One of the main causes of climate change is humanity’s continuous usage of fossil fuels, such as coal, oil, and gas to generate electricity, run cars and other forms of transport, and power manufacturing and industry, and deforestation – because living trees absorb and store carbon dioxide. We, humans, should combat this problem by raising our voices and because bring awareness to others, as well as consciously making an effort to change our ways to take care of our one and only planet.

“One thing leads to the other. Deforestation leads to climate change, which leads to ecosystem losses, which negatively impacts our livelihoods – it’s a vicious cycle.”

Gisele Bundchen, Supermodel & UN Goodwill Ambassador

“One can see from space how the human race has changed the Earth. Nearly all of the available land has been cleared of forest and is now used for agriculture or urban development. The polar ice caps are shrinking and the desert areas are increasing. At night, the Earth is no longer dark, but large areas are lit up. All of this is evidence that human exploitation of the planet is reaching a critical limit. But human demands and expectations are ever-increasing. We cannot continue to pollute the atmosphere, poison the ocean, and exhaust the land. There isn’t any more available.” – Stephen Hawking, Physicist & Author

The pregnancy of females under the age of twenty is known as teen pregnancy. Teenagers are between the ages of thirteen and twenty, and although they aren't quite teens, they aren't quite adults either, putting them at greater risk during this period of uncertainty. The reason why those women getting pregnant due to the broken family, bad influence of friends, alcohol consumption, or using drugs. According to Thobejane (2015) that the most reason is having a broken family which is not good for their children and can lead them down to the wrong path way.

Raising awareness about teenage pregnancy not only to the girls but also to the boys is crucial. We believe that boys must have equal responsibility towards this issue since they’re the ones who can impregnate young women. Girls always take the blame regarding this issue when in fact, it is a shared responsibility of both parties. All must be aware and educated enough about this particular issue.

"You should have sex when you're ready emotionally and should be aware of all of the consequences that come along with your actions" – Natasha 15

References: Tsoaledi Daniel Thobejane (2015) Factors Contributing to Teenage Pregnancy in South Africa: The Case of Matjitjileng Village, Journal of Sociology and Social Anthropology, 6:2, 273-277, DOI: 10.1080/09766634.2015.11885667

Proper waste disposal is more likely waste segregation, before throwing out all your garbages, you will need to sort out some things that can still be useful and recycled. The benefits of proper waste disposal are first, we can lessen the manufacturing by recycling and reusing some old things, second, it also protects the environment because it gets rid of contamination that can cause a lot of damage. With waste being properly disposed of, our environment is cleaner, meaning there are fewer health risks and hazards around to affect us.

“There is no such thing as ‘away. When we throw anything away it must go somewhere.” – Annie Leonard, Proponent of Sustainability

“When you put the whole picture together, recycling is the right thing to do.” – Pam Shoemaker, Author

In our school community, we propose to have better information and knowledge to the awareness of the COVID-19 Crisis Pandemic. We should give importance and substantial perception on how to deal with the pandemic, especially in students. How dangerous and harmful in our health to dealing with the pandemic in our society. So as a student in the institution we need knowledgable information to protect and maintain our body healthy. In the future of pandemic, consciousness and always prepared in the activity and some news about COVID-19 to ensure to have a better lifestyle during a pandemic.

Physical distancing helps limit the spread of COVID-19 – this means we keep a distance of at least 1m from each other and avoid spending time in crowded places or in groups. Protect yourself and others. Break the chain of transmission. - WHO, Western Pacific Region

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thuba-lami · 4 years

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COME OUT FOR WHAT?

When it comes to talking about gender and sexuality, conversations - especially with straight and non-trans people - can hang on a question that most LGBTQI+ people have become well acquainted with: “When did you come out?” If you haven’t spoken about your sexuality or gender to anyone/everyone, you’re living in shame and must hate yourself and your community. It's almost become something LGBTQI+ people are expected to adhere to. If you’re out, you’re seen as proud, authentic, and walking in your truth. Don’t be that jerk. Coming out is a personal decision and a big deal for a lot of people. No matter how much you allegedly anticipated their sexuality, don’t belittle the significance of their actions and their right to have their voices heard and respected.

For most LGBTQI+ people opening up about their sexuality or gender identity would mean they'd be made homeless, coming out just isn't an option. There’s an almost weird obsession with coming out and it causes so much judgement within the LGBTQI+ community. You are seen as not queer enough if you're still a closeted case and I find that to be unfair. First of all as a non-straight person myself I hate titles. For years I've been trying to find the letter in the LGBTQI+ that best describes me. I did mention in an article I wrote about titles that it seems like every year there's a letter added onto the LGBTQI+. And that puts unnecessary pressure on people who are still figuring themselves out. My queerness is not dependent on whether people know or not. I have chosen my physical wellbeing over being out. My sister suspects that I am not straight where else the rest of my family would think I'm not taking my bipolar meds or I'm just seeking attention if I were to sit them down and told them that I dated females before males. That I have been with a trans man before & I date who I am attracted to and not based on physical attributes. For my own sanity I choose to speak about my sexuality where and whenever I feel comfortable. I owe nobody any explanations about who I am and what I am attracted to. It’s OK if you don’t want to or can’t ’come out’!

Coming Out Isn’t a Singular Moment. Okay? An out person is much more likely to be described as brave, courageous, or proud, whereas a person still in the closet is implied to be dishonest, delusional, or self-loathing. The reality isn’t so simple though. We like to tell ourselves that you only have to come out once, but that just isn’t true. The closet isn’t a Band-Aid that you rip off once. You often have to come out repeatedly for your entire life. And that’s the heart of the issue. It’s ridiculous that we have to bother going through the list of reasons to not come out, but it just goes to show how deeply ingrained the pro-out mindset has become.

Someone’s family might reject them.

Maybe someone would lose their job.

Maybe if they came out, they would be ineligible for necessities, such as medical care.

Many cultural and religious backgrounds unfortunately don’t accept or recognize non-hetero sexualities.

The list goes on...

So if you're trying to navigate coming out, remember this, the goal isn’t to come out. It's for queer people to live happy, healthy, free lives. If coming out pushes you towards that goal, then of course, come out! But if it does not, you have to do what is right for you. In my personal life I am out to a few people and I freely choose to share this beautiful, complex, and misunderstood part of myself with the world, even the ones who don’t deserve to experience it. At my own pace. You shouldn’t feel pressured to choose between your orientation and your way of life if you don’t want to. Coming out over and over again is annoying and exhausting. Some people just don’t want to subject themselves to that. It’s laughable and somewhat creepy that we expect people to make their sexuality public knowledge in order to make their identity whole. Unless you’re involved with someone, you have no right to know and even less of a right to care. No one owes you an explanation of their preferences. Choosing to reveal or not reveal your sexuality is not a reflection of your pride in yourself or lack thereof, nor is it an appropriate barometer for deeming people worthy or unworthy of respect. It’s personal, and personal should be considered private unless the person decides otherwise. I don’t mean to tarnish or demonize anyone’s decision to come out in any way. Coming out can be great, and there are many who consider it an essential part of embracing their identity. My point is that we shouldn’t judge someone for not handling their personal life in ways that we deem appropriate. The most unfortunate side effect of the closet stigma is that queer people have adopted the mainstream mentality that unless they go out of their way to explicitly mention their sexuality, they must be lying.

I’ll use myself as an example. I come from a privileged home environment where I don’t think I have to worry about my safety or financial repercussions. Yet the fact that I’m single, I still get uneasy when I’m around my groups of people who don’t know that I’m not straight. I’m so heavily involved in the queer community, yet I tip toe around certain people. But why should I tell them if it’s completely irrelevant to our relationship? At the same time, if I don’t want to tell them, does that mean I’m subconsciously ashamed of myself? The closet doesn’t have to be a space of denial or embarrassment. For some people, it’s a safe haven and a refuge from the criticisms of the outside world. Choosing to stay in it doesn’t make your identity less than anyone else’s. Heck, you might decide that the closet doesn’t exist for you, and that’s cool too. Your sexuality doesn’t have to be your defining characteristic.

Stay tuned for the follow up article featuring MATTY a handsome young trans-man from the USA.

Thank for stopping by. Cheers!

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