Lost in the darkness
I always wondered how much of an iconic duo Ellie and Carl Grimes would make (my apocalypse kids <3), so I figured I'd start a fanfic where Carl is part of the journey too.
Not a romantic fic.
Takes place during the first part/season of The Last of Us
Warning: blood, death, swearing, your typical apocalypse things
Wordcount: 2.3k
There were many things Joel Miller hated. And the infamous quote of the Fireflies was on top of his list.
He found it ironic that the Fireflies were encouraging people to step up against FEDRA and look for the light while blowing things up at the QZ.
Living his life as a smuggler, his only goal of his was to find his brother, Tommy, who just stopped answering his calls. He knew that sending a message back was time-consuming but now it has been too long.
He knew how different Tommy was from him. He always wanted to be the savior after all the fucked up things they had done. And Joel understood that even though he barely had feelings left anymore.
The remained ruins of his personality and humanity were usually brought out by certain factors.
Such as the goddamn kid in the sheriff hat who never gave him peace.
Just as he could finally get rid of the FEDRA soldier who gave him a friendly warning to not leave the QZ at the moment, he let out a shaky sigh and weighed the options he got left.
Joel turned around and felt his body freeze when he noticed Carl Grimes sitting in the middle of the staircase that led access to the top floors of a building that’s clearly seen better days.
”How long have you been sitting there?” Joel furrowed his eyebrows, wrinkles deepening on his hard face.
”Long enough.”
Joel glanced to the side before sinking his hands into his pockets.
”Didn’t they tell you to not stick your nose into other people’s business?” Joel asked, his voice confident and dominant.
Carl shrugged before bouncing his knee up and down.
”Your parents didn’t teach you anything?”
Pain shook Carl’s heart but the fourteen years old boy’s face remained expressionless. The days when he’d let Joel Miller out of all people get under his skin were gone.
Despite the old man’s harsh words and bones chilling tone, Carl wasn’t threatened. He wasn’t a little boy anymore. He had seen and been through too many horrific things to get scared just like that.
”No, my dad taught me how to use a gun. That’s more helpful than manners nowadays.”
Joel let out a deep breath while studying the bruise on the boy’s face. It was certainly new, hence as he didn’t see it on him last night.
”And look where did that get you.”
Carl scoffed and pushed himself up, leaning against the rail of the stairs.
”I was already here when you decided to run your drug business here in plain sight while execution is taking place.”
”And why are you here specifically?”
Joel didn’t have to think twice to realize that after everything the Grimes boy had been through, he didn’t want to just stand on the square while they hung those people.
Carl never told him anything about his past or the whereabouts of his family. Not that he ever asked but he would have expected a kid his age to be more communicative.
It didn’t go unnoticed by Joel how uncomfortable Carl has become in only a matter of seconds. He was a tough kid, that was sure and Joel couldn’t help but wonder what kind of inhumane things he had to go through to get to this cold state.
Sometimes Joel felt like he was looking into the mirror whenever he was facing Carl.
The coldness and dark thoughts clouding his eyes, the face of someone who had nobody in this damned world… it was all too familiar to him.
But it wasn’t his business or problem to try to change Carl and remind him that he was only a kid after all.
”Whom did you piss off this time?” Joel asked after a few beats of silence, nodding toward the boy’s bruised face.
”Chris Ledstone.”
Joel sighed and a scoff took over his face.
”So much for your keeping your head low.”
Carl groaned, ”Spare me the lecture, Joel.”
”I would if you’d keep yourself to your word.”
”I didn’t start it.” Carl defended himself in a sharp tone.
Teenagers.
”I don’t care,” Joel glared at him. ”You keep getting into trouble long enough and everyone will hate you.”
”Good,” Carl stormed down the stairs with heavy steps. The metal painfully cracked beneath his shoes. ”I never intended to be everyone’s favorite person anyway. I’m not letting Ledstone or any other asshole walk through other people for their entertainment.”
Joel grabbed Carl’s skinny arm, stopping him from walking away. Carl shot him a deadly glare which he undoubtedly got from his father.
”Is this what the fight was about? Chris screwing around with someone weaker than him?”
Carl didn’t answer, only dropped his gaze to the ground.
Joel let go of his arm, searching for the boy’s eyes, ”I understand your reasons but some people have to learn how to stand up for themselves. You can’t solve other people’s problems all the time."
Carl knew Joel was right but his brain was stormed off with unsaid harsh answers. Just because someone was weak that didn’t give others the right to bully them.
”Now go and put some ice on your face before Tess sees it.”
It’s been a few months since Carl was found outside of the Boston QZ. He had nothing on himself but scars, dirt, ghosts in his eyes, and his Beretta. He never answered any of the questions the guards had asked him while looking for any sight of infection which wasn’t a new thing.
One of the guards suggested that Tess could look after the boy and help him adapt to his new home which was pushing Tess over the edge. Carl saw how much she was trying to get to know him but he never gave too much away about himself.
Considering the fact that Tess had a son whom she couldn’t kill made their situation even more bittersweet. She never talked about her son but the undeniable pain and wonder were always clear in her eyes.
Whenever she looked at Carl, she was wondering what her son would look like if he would still be alive, what would he do, and how different things would be with having two boys under her roof. She had a feeling that her son would have made friends with Carl pretty fast which would have helped the outsider boy warm up much more.
But she was working with what she could get.
Most of the time Carl was always around in the QZ after school, never leaving a message behind and he’d always show up quite late. Tess was worrying every time she went home to the empty apartment but she couldn’t force him to do anything.
Carl nodded and stepped away.
”I suppose you don’t have a pill for that, do you?”
Joel turned after him with an exhausted look on his face.
”You’re pushing your luck, kid.”
Carl gave Joel an empty smile. ”Been pushing it ever since I was born, old man.”
***
The rest of the day was a blur. Joel lost himself in the maze of maps, trying to find the shortest way to Wyoming while nightmares were haunting him from the night Sarah died. Her voice was still echoing in his head while she was bleeding out in his arms, terror filling her eyes that once were happy and bright.
The painful memories and the weight of his broken watch just intrigued him even more to leave the QZ and find Tommy as soon as he could.
He couldn’t lose anyone else.
After taking the sight of Tess’ beaten up face in, he realized that they had to go down the hard way. Not that he minded, he would have been more than happy to beat Robert’s face in. That fucker had it coming. Not only for screwing them over but also to let his men lay their hands on Tess.
When they finally had a lead, they weren’t patient to wait around anymore. They had to step up before it was too late. Navigating their way through the basement of an edifice and Joel giving lectures about the building’s structure, they finally found the right place.
With their guns in their hands and serious look on their faces, they searched the floor full of bodies.
Joel was more than disappointed to find Robert dead as well. But his confusion overwhelmed his frustration when he saw Carl kneeling above Robert’s corpse.
”Carl.” Joel’s voice cut through the silence like a knife, causing the boy to turn around.
Tess sighed and gave Carl a look of anger.
”I thought you were at school.”
Carl stood up, gripping his pistol like his life depended on it.
”I was on my way but then I heard all the shooting and…”
”And you decided to join the party?” Tess finished it for him. She was furious now and her face darkened.
Carl dropped his shoulders, realizing that he could not give any right answers to the adults. He knew he shouldn’t have come here but his curiosity was always bigger than his compromise to do what he was told.
He knew he was too young but he hated when adults only treated him like a kid. He could have been more helpful if they would have trusted him with actual duties like his father had done.
He missed how useful he was in the prison before they were attacked and the place tumbled to the Infected. Now, he was nothing to others but a teen whose only purpose was to sit at school instead of helping defend the QZ and the people in it.
He couldn’t save his mother, father, or sister. So, this was his only chance at redemption.
He had to keep these people safe otherwise he would be nothing and he wanted to be worthy of Rick’s legacy.
”Are you out of your fucking mind, kid?” Joel snapped as he lowered his gun. ”You could have died too!”
”But I didn’t.” Carl fired back with just as much fierce.
”Why don’t you do what you’re told? Why is it so hard to listen to us?”
”Because I’m not a burden!” Carl snapped. ”I know what is beyond these walls and I’ve been through so many things that you couldn’t even imagine. Unlike most of the other kids around here, I actually know the world and who the real monsters are.”
Joel remained silent as he acknowledged the fire of anger filling Carl’s eyes. He knew the boy wasn’t kidding but that didn’t settle his rage one bit. Carl was still reckless and impulsive. And those two things didn’t make a good combo.
He had to learn how to stay behind and help from the other side but Carl didn’t want to sit in the back. Not after what happened at the farm or the prison.
Carl knew that danger could show up any day and he wasn’t allowed to let his guard down. Ever. Just like Rick had told him.
No more kid stuff.
He felt sadness pull him down as he tore his gaze away from Joel’s. They didn’t understand him and that was alright. But that didn’t mean that he was going to let himself be another target ever again.
All the sleepless nights, the nightmares, and the guilt that was eating Carl from the inside were too much for him to comprehend.
”What would have happened if you got a bullet in your head too?” Tess stormed to the boy, her eyes never leaving him.
Carl didn’t answer which made Joel’s stomach turn. He couldn’t have come here hoping that he’d die too, could he?
Carl was afraid of death but lately, he became confident with its thought and presence. If his death would have helped someone then his sacrifice would have been worth it. And he could see his family again.
”I’m all right as you can see,” said Carl in a lower tone.
Tess’ expression dropped as she took a shaky breath. She grew more fond of the boy than she would have expected herself to. Suddenly, she found herself pacing around like a mother who had been told that her child was hurt.
Despite Carl keeping a distance between them, she couldn’t help but care for the lonely and broken boy. She knew he didn’t deserve to live in a world like this and lose his family at such young age, that’s why she was trying so hard to let him know that he wasn’t alone anymore.
An unfamiliar grunt interrupted their argument, causing all three of them to turn toward the voice while raising their guns at the same time.
Joel gave Carl a stern look, ordering him silently to stay behind and Carl obeyed. Joel was first in line while sneaking to the corner with Tess behind him. Carl fell a few feet behind as Joel glanced around the hall.
”Shit… Oh, God.”
Carl didn’t recognize the woman’s voice but from the sounds of her grunts, she was obviously hurt. In spite of hearing that she must have been shot, he still felt threatened by her presence.
Joel was tense as he was taking the sight in front of him in. Two injured women leaning on each other, cursing in pain. Just when he thought that one of them sounded familiar—
The door beside him swung open and someone ran against Joel, letting out a determined scream with a knife raised in the air.
Joel didn’t even realize what was going on, he was acting out of reflex. Before the knife could slice into his flesh, he turned his torso and snuck a hand around her back, pushing her forward, right into the wall.
The girl slammed helplessly against the wall, dropping her knife before collapsing to the ground.
”Fuck…” she stammered in pain and looked up at Joel with fury twisting her face.
Joel stared at the girl with confusion as Tess and Carl walked around the corner, catching up to him. Carl felt surprise wash his confusion away, it was one thing that he snuck in and skipped school for the rest of the day, but what was she doing here?
”Joel?”
Joel’s eyes found Marlene who looked as surprised as he was from the girl’s attempt to stab him on sight. The Firefly was the last person he expected to meet today.
”Marlene?”
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