#edited it because some people already didn't read the question properly

[identitty-dickruption]

emphasis on NO STAKE IN. we are not talking their blorbo vs your blorbo or whatever else. we are talking about something you know zero about or something you do not personally care about. NO STAKE

#polls #inspired by the number of kotlc polls I’ve voted in #sorry kotlc mutuals whoever I see begging my vote first is the vote I do #edited it because some people already didn't read the question properly

[totally-not-a-tickle-blog]

Hi can I infodump about Roy and my interpretation w/ him when it comes to coping mechanism regards sexual abuse to you?

Click here to allow me 👇 (long text)

.

To be honest I don't think he'll leave the more ""stereotypical"" type of victim bubble since 1- He's not a big focus in the show and 2- It's quite complicated and I don't know if Sr Pelo and the team would go that deep, but I like to overanalyze things. With that being said:

It feels off for me when he's shown as easily affected whenever his uncle is mentioned. I personally don't see it as HIM.

It's vague and anyone can see it whatever they like, it's 100% fine, but Roy is just... stubborn and ignorant. Those are two of his biggest traits and it's impossible for it not to affect how he deals with that trauma; he already has to deal with arrogant parents (mostly mother), not being himself even if he wants to (what pretty much hurts his natural ego), so being aware that even ANOTHER member of your family took advantage of you in even worst ways is basically a shot straight to the head. He's fighting something already and he'll definitely be in denial with a second one, not to mention that if people actually began to act all "soft" after finding that out IT'D MAKE THINGS WORSE.

It's literally the same as going to someone who wants to be seen as superior and mock him by treating them like a baby. It'll just make him try harder and harder to be taken seriously, including trying to ignore the trauma more and more.

And to be honest, even if he told his parents he'd stay in denial. Carmen and Richard are questionable parents but they're not monsters like some people think they are, they'd offer help and ask him what they want and need to know, but it changes nothing on how they treated him before nor his personality will suddenly change. I also have a lot to talk about his relationship with his parents, but that's for another one if I feel like it.

Now coming back to the beginning, when I mention that he doesn't get triggered when his uncle is the topic, I see it like that because his mind couldn't properly see the uncle as an enemy. He knows that what happened is wrong and that he's an asshole, but I'm talking about something more personal. A poor example for the sensation itself: You eat in a restaurant, and weeks later you find out that the waiter spit in your food. Will you come back? No. Are you also full MAD at him? Also no. You got angry in the first moments, sometimes still do, but you didn't even saw anything wrong with your food back then. You recognized it, but your brain didn't.

Now, when it's the sexual abuse itself, it affects him way more mostly because it makes him feel stupid, paranoid and dare I say disgusted maybe. I admit, that part is mostly me projecting, but it still makes sense in a way. It's more of a internal change instead of an external one (are those the right words?), since the consequences isn't as obvious and explicit if you did recognized the scene as a trauma at the time. You may not be against physical touch, but you may struggle interacting nicely afraid that you'll mess up again. I hope I didn't messed up on that part, or any at all--

ALRIGHT, briefly, Roy don't want sympathy, but he needs empathy, just like his friends are doing. They know what Roy goes through and still won't let him do whatever he wants, don't try babysitting him nor desperately tries to search for help right away like that. He's focused on his parents and can't handle even more trauma right now, and if he does start to try helping himself it'll be when he's older and don't have as much ego as he does now.

Ty for reading and I am SO SO sorry if I said anything shitty, sexual abuse is a topic that I always had some sort of interest on (studying and talking about), so I tend to think about it a lot specially when a hyperfixation is included.

EDIT: Just wanted to add that Roy's anger issues are also a nice response to everything I just said (nice in a "it connects" way, not good), someone as low-tempered as himself wouldn't be able to handle with the pressure of "You need to vent" without "exploding", thinking that his abuse consequently made him weaker and less worth of respect; "That shit just makes everything worse, so it's easier if I just ignore it!"

#I have so many things about him that I wanna talk about but idk if anyone would care #spooky month #spooky month roy #sm roy #S/A #sexualabuse #infodump

[squarebracket-trickster]

Author Ask Tag Game

A huge SORRY and thank you to @mjparkerwriting for tagging me in this waaaaay back in August (what the heck - how did this happen haha).

What is the main lesson of your story (e.g. kindness, diversity, anti-war), and why did you choose it?

That sometimes being a strong, independent woman isn't enough. Sometimes we can't succeed alone or even with the help of loyal friends. Sometimes it really does take structural, systemic change and that change doesn't happen in a single life time.

As for why I chose this theme... I didn't really. I started with a premise (princess runs away from arranged marriage and accidentally falls in love with guy she was betrothed to). When I turned that premise into a plot with stakes I decided to have something that pressured the protagonist to go back to her marriage. The thing I chose was needing to prevent a war. The theme just kind of emerged from the tension between her saving her people and not being trapped in a marriage she didn't want.

2. What did you use as inspiration for your worldbuilding (like real-life cultures, animals, famous media, websites, etc.)?

Southern England (loosely) in 1333 AD and some other cultures that would have been in contact with, bordering, or having diaspora in England (Wales, France, Breton, Al Andalusia, Persia, Byzantine Empire, Jewish diaspora, and like one thing from Scotland).

Other inspirations include a few Shakespeare comedies, how Tolkien uses English speech patterns to indicate social class, the Robin Hood myth, and Tennyson's poem "The Splendour Falls".

4. How many chapters is your story going to have?

Draft 2 had 15 chapters averaging between 3000-5000 words. I've already broken up one of those chapters in draft 3 and will probably break up more. So, at least 16? But I might split them all in half if I decide they are too many pages when I finally change the page size of my manuscript from standard word doc to book-sized. So maybe around 30?

6. When and why did you start writing?

The immersive daydreamer who loves to read to fandom to CinemaSins to film and tv show critique YouTube to writing advice YouTube to I'm gonna write my daydreams down so I can reread them for fun to I want to try my hand at a properly structured novel (but it's just for me) to dammit, I've put so much work in I want to polish this and publish it one day Pipeline is very, very real.

7. Do you have any words of encouragement for fellow writers of writeblr? What other writers on Tumblr do you follow?

You can edit a bad draft. It is so much easier to fix something than to make something from scratch. Your first draft is not an adequate reflection of your abilities as a writer - neither is your second, neither is your third. Asking for help is a skill, rewriting is a skill, workshopping is a skill, googling writing advice is a skill, taking a break is a skill. Your novel isn't your best work until it's done - feedback, and breaks, and months of writer's block and all. Push through. You're not a bad writer, or a good one for that matter, until there is a finished product to judge. I know looking at an unfinished draft riddled with problems can be demoralizing but you will find those problems and you will fix them. Just be patient.

I'm gonna steal MJ's idea and tag seven of my "other writers" - seven because that's how many questions are on in tag game.

@zeenimf, @ambiguouspuzuma, @macabremoons, @lexiklecksi, @sleepyowlwrites (though you've probably been tagged 1000 times in this haha), @stesierra, @ettawritesnstudies

#tag game #wipvii

[anukulee]

Relationship Chicken (pt 3)

Beta Read and Edited by, Evelyn.Kingsley.

A/N: The song I linked below doesn't belong to me in any way, but it is something I think fits the vibe of this chapter.

As a long-living god or demi-god, depending on who you ask, Loki had many memorable moments. These included the first time he was able to successfully use a seidr, successful pranks played on both Thor and others, the first time someone sought his company both for pleasure and outside of it, any moments spent with his mother, and so many. Yet the moment Ava allowed her hand to take him, almost every other moment became second to this. Little to Loki's knowledge, this very moment would be one that would spark many moments like this, that this was only the first of many, yet for Loki at the time, this was enough. He finally had a fighting chance to win her over to prove his undying affection; all he needed to do was seduce her.

A task that wasn't out of Loki's range of expertise, for in his days before the "accident" and far before Thanos had taken him, Loki had managed to seduce several people into his chambers. Whether that be for pleasure only or for short-lived romantic flings, the recipients range from various types, maidens, non-maidens, soldiers, and royals, some more innocent than others, all with the promise of consent and mutual benefit, both inside and outside of pleasure. To Loki, seducing was in his nature, almost as if it was deeply rooted in his DNA, yet Loki knew she was different. Every tactic that Loki had ever known failed on her, as she always seemed to have a bickering response to it, something he had initially taken as avoidance, but perhaps there was more to it. Maybe if I play into it will better my chances, he thought, already trying to devise a plan, at least until he was interrupted.

"Hello, Mcfly, is anyone in there," the voice called out, snapping Loki out of his thoughts. He shook his head as he seemed to recall where he was and who he was with.

"Yes, and I don't particularly prefer being referred to as a fly." Loki's face was already back to its usual seriousness, his arms crossed against his chest.

"It's just a saying, you know that, right?"

"Of course, I know that," Loki spurted out, acting as if he had known when honestly he hadn't, but he couldn't let her know that. After all, lacking common knowledge didn't seem to be a particularly attractive Midgardian trait, with those like his brother at the time being seen as himbos or lacking knowledge because of it. While Loki would at times make snipes at Thor's lack of strategy or call him an oaf, Loki knew far better than anyone else that his brother was no himbo. What he lacked in Midgardian knowledge he made up for on the battlefield, being equally as skilled as Loki and knowing who to hit and at what time. Loki would never admit that to Thor; after all, he didn't need him getting a giant head more than he already had. This is a factor in the next part of Loki's response. "I was just making sure you knew it," Loki blurted, another lie slipping out of his tongue, though coming out as natural as ever. He wasn't the god of mischief and lies for no reason, though the irony of it did get to Loki at times.

"Whatever you mischief." Ava gave Loki a skeptical look, almost as if she knew he was lying, yet that was the end of it. As she quickly changed the subject. "So, how do you propose to seduce me?" Her arms crossed, very relaxed, almost as if she thought he couldn't do it. Through it was that question that made Loki want to spiral back into his thoughts and plan for centuries how he would properly do it, just as he had done previously. The problem is he didn't do that with her, and he didn't have centuries to analyze her every move, then come up with a plan that fit it. He had to seduce her in a matter of hours. A task, while not foreign to him, would prove to be particularly difficult, her need to bicker with him always coming back. He hadn't expected this much resistance to the idea when he had seen the opportunity initially focused on the fact that he had it and less on what it truly entailed. Yet with that came a thought that Loki had never really considered before. Perhaps I could go along with it and factor it into it, and it would make things easier. While to someone on the outside, Loki's thoughts might've seemed like forever, to him, it only took a moment or two. Yet it appeared Ava saw this as too long as she already had something else to say. "Cat got your tongue mischief?"

At this, Loki was once again snapped out of his thoughts as he began to draw his familiar mask, for anything else seemed to only confuse her. "Never, my darling."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Positive. Prepare to be seduced properly, my lady." Loki got out of his seat, going to where Ava sat, bowing down and holding his hand out to her. Much like he would do if he were asking her for a dance.

"So I am your lady now?" Ava took his hand into hers, something that Loki hadn't expected but didn't mind.

"You've always been my lady."

At this, a light chuckle escaped Ava's lips, a laugh that Loki longed to hear more and savored. As he rarely seemed to be on the receiving end of it, with their usual bickering banter usually being at the forefront more. "I bet you say that to all of them."

"No, just you."

"Ah, so no soon-to-be princesses, not even another prince?"

Hearing that comment struck Loki as a surprise. He hadn't expected her to know that side of him. He had never hidden it, though it still seemed to surprise people. "You know?"

"I had a hunch."

"Did you?" Loki is very much curious as to how she had known.

Ava let out a shrug on her shoulders as if this was a usual topic amongst them and not the first time they had discussed this. "You never struck me as the type to be fully biased into one gender, not to mention you are a shapeshifter."

"That I am, my lady. And how about you?"

"I can see the seductive appeal of it, though it's not my preference."

"I see, but if I were to change into my female form, would you be attracted to me?" This was a question that had been somewhat lingering in the depth of Loki's thoughts, one that he never saw a chance to ask until now.

At this, Ava put a finger to her chin, and Loki could almost see the gears in her head turning as she honestly considered the option. Loki is curious about what she would have to say, ready to note it for later if need be. "Perhaps, who could say?"

"You wouldn't be against it?"

"Why would I be?"

"Some people think it's odd that I can switch between genders."

"Why you are a shapeshifter. It's in your nature to watch to switch."

"Some don't see it that way, and some see it as me wishing to be in one form over the other."

"Do you have a preference in your forms?"

"I typically use a male form, as you see, though I do admit the female side does come in handy at times, if you know what I mean," Loki responded with a wink and a wiggle of his eyebrows. Could I be any more foolish Loki wondered after hearing those words come out of his mouth.

"My, isn't someone going all in?"

"As if you are any different, darling? We both know you are far less innocent than you appear."

"Aren't I?"

"Whose to say, though I am quite jealous of those who had the chance to ravish your form before I." Loki's voice remained as sultry as ever, yet inside; he wasn't as seductive as his thoughts still seemed to have no mercy on him. Ravish her form? What's the best you could come up with? Way to be subtle, mind, Loki thought, his thoughts still as self-deprecating as ever. Yet rather than be discouraged or call him out for his corny lines, Ava seemed to be taking it in stride.

"If you were to properly seduce me, perhaps you would get that chance."

At this, Loki was once more interested as he leaned closer to her. "Oh, are you putting the offer on the table, darling?"

"Perhaps."

"You know I have never been one to refuse such a feast," Loki said with a lick of his lips. His eyes were full of lust, yearning, and pinning as Ava once more seemed to unlock something more to Loki, something that he hadn't even known. Loki's following line was unexpected. "Perhaps I should take a bite beforehand." His mouth opened almost as if he was about to do something, at least until Ava used her free hand to put her fingers on his lips.

"Not just yet, mischief."

"Oh, and why not?"

"I recall hearing someone say they were going to seduce me and be the best date ever?"

"I did promise that, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did so seduce me mischief."

"Those are fighting words, my dear."

"Oh, because all I hear is talk and no bite." Ava went so far as to putting her hand to her ear, looking around.

"Fine, prepare to be seduced."

"Ready when you are."

At this, a smile began to grace Loki's lips, for Ava seemed to lack knowledge of what she was getting herself into, but Loki knew precisely what she was getting herself into. He just hoped she was as prepared as he was. "Then allow me to lead the way, my lady," Loki said with another bow, his hand still in Ava's as he led them out of the area they were sitting towards the door, both unsure of what was coming next and eager at the same time.

@holdmytesseract @the--sad--hatter @muddyorbsblr @mochie85 @michelleleewise @smolvenger @mcufan72 @loki-smut-library @lokisgoodgirl @lady-rose-moon @lokisbirdofhermes @lokisprettygirl @eleniblue @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @lokiburdenedwithgloriouspurpose @lokibug @wheredafandomat

#angst with happy ending #Youtube #loki friggason #ignoring canon #loki x oc #loki #no loki was harmed #tom hiddleston #bickering couple

[tazmilyxfamily]

@juicevamp inquired:

1-4? 👀

SHIPPING QUESTIONS FOR THE MUN - SFW EDITION!

~

1. what’s the best thing about shipping for you?

the bond with the other mun, i think, and the overall experience of figuring out how and why both characters feel the way they do about each other. plus in general i love coming up with situations and hypotheticals about what exactly pushes them together, even if we never "properly" write it and just talk about it a lot. it's fun!!

2. what’s the worst thing about shipping for you?"

getting started at all because holy crap is it hard to ask someone or get asked and for both of you to properly mean it. sometimes i have brainrot and they don't or vice versa or the idea sounds more fun than writing the actual thing. or like. maybe it's easier to joke about it than actually write (*stares at Dark Choco and Edge*)

or maybe only one of us is joking while the other already likes the idea. who knows!!!!

3. do you have a pet peeve when it comes to shipping?

this is a bit of a hot take, but i absolutely hate those posts where people "jokingly" demand ships (ie "*slides the dash $5* ship with me" or whatever) or generally treat them like a thing they can just vaguely ask everyone for, especially with those posts that talk about how they want a ship partner who'll constantly talk to them about it and tag them in related stuff

at the end of the day, romance is a tool for stories! and it's a fun one that you can do whatever you want with! but it can't be in every story, and it can't constantly be present. if you want the sort of ship where you talk about it all the time you generally need to actually be friends and/or click with the other mun and treat them like a person.

i'm sure the people who reblog those posts don't mean it like that, but it definitely reads that way after seeing the way some people treat shipping once they finally get it

4. do you prefer to plot a ship, or would you rather “wing it”?

it's not quite plotting, but i've noticed that i prefer to extensively talk about ships over time before actually writing them? i tend to struggle with ships where it's not insanely obvious that i can bring it up whenever i want because of an experience where someone didn't tell me i was being annoying until they suddenly had enough of me

also just generally being sensitive to rejection doesn't help, lawl

#{ i don't hate you if you do these things- i just kinda squint my eyes and move on } #{ but this is asking for my opinion! so im gonna give it! } #❰ ❝Strange Artist❞ × OOC. × Ask. ❱ #juicevamp #munday. #{ <- technically }

[ach-sss-no]

17, 19, 22, 25, 26, 27, 28

I'm interested in many questions, yeah

(if anyone didn't see the meme this is from, it is here)

17 talk about your writing and editing process

not very interesting, I'm afraid, I usually just go until the fic is done and then. stop. sometimes I rough out an outline beforehand but the story never ends up tracking to it so I'm not sure it helps

sometimes i end up writing a ton of different versions of a scene before i get one that fits in

i edit chapter by chapter because i post chapter by chapter

yeah editing is not interesting it's just looking at a paragraph and changing one word to a very similar word based on instinct, sorry

19 the most interesting topic you’ve researched for a fic

one time i did a deep dive on the behavior and biology of parrots. that was fun. really cool group of animals that i'd always been interested in and never had a reason to think about in depth before that

another time i read a lot about tuberculosis & its cultural history but i thought the end project i made with that was terrible and would've been better without the research so i'm not as enthused about that even though it was interesting

Overall I am more likely to have to research things that aren't interesting, though, because if it's intensely interesting to me I probably already know enough about it for inclusion in whatever I'm writing, though I usually do a quick check to make sure I'm not misremembering facts if something is important

22 do you ever worry about public reaction to what you’re writing? how do you get past that?

not really, i've been writing for a while and i think i encountered all of the Upsetting Feedback™ types long ago (at least all of the ones that fall within the bounds of 'reaction to writing' and don't reach past it into something that's more properly categorized as... something else), and obviously it was survivable. and even if they recur none of them are ever going to feel as bad today as they did when i was younger. actually it's easier to post writing today than it's ever been because the prevailing opinion of the day, at least on AO3, is that you shouldn't leave negative comments. when i started out i don't remember that being as common of a mindset

there is a page on tvtropes dedicated to bad reviews of a fanfiction series i wrote as a teenager. it will be enshrined there forever. at the time i asked the mods to take it down and they ignored me while publicly telling each other that preserving the bad reviews of a teenager's fanfiction that 5-6 people read was an important cultural legacy. (i was reminded of this recently because i saw a bunch of hits to my brand new website from tvtropes and had to unclench my jaw.)

anyway, to my limited mindset at the time, that was probably the worst thing that could have happened to me feedback-wise, and it didn't stop me writing, for some reason. (it did kill my interest in that project which was probably for the best, it really was pretty bad) although apparently i'm still salty about it

i don't use/browse/enjoy tvtropes anymore though

25 besides writing, what are your other hobbies?

i draw sometimes

26 are you able to write with other people around?

i can, but wouldn't do so unless i'm stuck hanging out in a public place without transportation. I have never tried a "write in" or coffee shop thing and don't think I ever will because they don't sound appealing. writing isn't a social process and i can't engage in it without mentally shutting out anyone else who is in the room, which only feels appropriate if they're complete strangers or just... people i don't want to be friends with

27 your favorite part of the writing process

uhh when it's over getting sidetracked into research can be really fun

28 your least favorite part of the writing process

realizing 1 year after posting a fanfic that i got a significant detail wrong

#ask game response #writing #long post

[bbq-hawks-wings]

Chapter 316: BBQ is capable of critiquing BNHA and… Oh boy.

Let's start this off properly, Horikoshi's typical quality of writing has been diminishing in recent chapters, but this week it was so different that it didn't even feel like Horikoshi was the one who wrote it.

To be clear, I'm not blaming Horikoshi for the issues I'm about to bring up. The man is criminally overworked, usually doesn't even get the final say in what makes it in the final drafts, and even in his other rough patches he's still produced decent chapters that hold up amongst the grand scheme of things. This feels like something else is going on behind the scenes, and while I have my suspicions on who/what might be the culprit behind it, I choose not to share it at this time because if I name names some people might go off on a crusade, and that's not what I want.

I just want to be clear that I'm not blindly firing off shots in the dark, but despite my frustrations I want to wait to see if this gets resolved down the line, and while I do I can complain about the specific reasons this chapter left such a bitter taste in my mouth.

Buckle up, buttercups, because we got a lot of points to cover.

Where's the Gun?

Not a literal gun, but I mean Chekhov's Gun. It has always been a staple of Horikoshi's writing and the reason so many of his long-standing plot lines have paid off so well.

Chekhov's Gun is a writing principal that if you see a gun on the table in the first act of a play, it will be used in the murder that happens in act 2. Basically, the author should include details that are relevant to the story and not betray the audience by leading them in one direction and at the last minute pull the rug out from underneath them to go in another direction.

Horikoshi has done this to phenomenal success in the past. Just as one example, he dropped hints about Nomu being human experiments early in the series but held off explicitly stating it for a while. He hinted at the loss of Shirakumo in the main narrative and that he was important to Aizawa and Mic as well as approved it for Vigilantes so when it was revealed that Kurogiri was Shirakumo's body, not only did it narratively make sense but it also pulled in Eraserhead and Present Mic's emotional stakes into the battle with the Doctor, and then when Ujiko reveals he was after Aizawa's quirk the whole time it made the payoff for Mic punching him in the face all that much better and brings the weight of his crimes and the impact they have on the victims full circle.

That's 3 different guns paying off in the long run: the Nomu, Shirakumo, and both Mic and Eraserheads' personal arcs past the loss of their childhood friend and that they could finally finish processing their grief and avenge him in full righteous fury instead of chalking it all up to cruel chance.

He has left details, some particularly innocuously, in plot lines like the Touya Todoroki reveal, Hawks' backstory, Shigaraki's blood connection to Nana Shimura, even with Mr. Compress's backstory, and more. When re-read, these details become more obvious and usually leaves us with a greater sense of satisfaction in the plot knowing that twists and turns were not only planned, but built up to and hinted at for us to find so the payoff is that much better and it feels purposeful instead of just shock factor.

None of that happened this chapter.

Lady Nagant has zero business being in this plotline. She was never hinted about before this arc, and her existence does nothing to tell us about the plot moving forward or the world that they're trying to change. Nothing her existence provides actually has any bearing on the universe or tells us anything we don't already know. But that's not how she was presented.

In the beginning we're given a glimpse of her helping Overhaul escape from Tartarus. The focus on her was odd enough to begin with as a new character, and the fact that she didn't look like she fit the profile of someone who belonged in Tartarus was like a flashing neon sign saying, "Pay attention! This new character is important!!!" She then shows up later with Overhaul in hand to attack Deku out of the blue. We get her talking about how she thought Overhaul might be useful and her disillusions with Hero Society. We catch her mannerisms with eery similarity to Hawks only to find out immediately after she was a senior colleague in the HPSC. Never once to my knowledge has Hawks referred to any of his senior colleagues as a "senpai" - not even his fellow heroes - and when he catches her in midair, he uses the words, "Don't die on me, senpai!" as if she's near and dear to his heart.

The entire character arc is set up for her to have known about Hawks and grapple with her desire to help people and her fear of re-creating what she hated, and this also set up Hawks to be the successor who succeeded where she failed and helped bring her to a place where she could be a hero without guilt again. What actually happened?

They're strangers.

They have never actually met before, and while he seems to know a lot about her, she doesn't even seem to have any idea of who he was - at least as far as being another hero under the thumb of the HPSC. So ALLLL that setup, all that gesturing, and all of the potential themes that would be right at home in an arc like this goes completely out the window.

Her story doesn't tell us anything new. The HPSC bad. We knew that. They're not above throwing innocents under the bus to achieve that goal. We knew that. They preyed upon young hopefuls with powerful quirks with the intent to maintain the status quo. We knew that even if the fact that Hawks isn't the only one now makes more questions than answers. We know that these young heroes can never say no under threat of steep, life-shattering consequences. We knew that already.

So what does Lady Nagant even bring to the table?! The entire "you're just a puppet doing what you've been told" angle is a little tired and out of place in this point and time with actual anarchy in the streets (not to mention hypocritical considering she was a blind puppet following orders and offers zero actual solutions that supposedly fall in line with her heroic nature), and it could have been left to any number of other villain characters who could have executed on the theme better - you know, like Shigaraki who's justification this entire time has been, "hero society doesn't make people safe, it just makes them feel safe" from the moment of his inception.

So from that angle she's unnecessary.

Her presence messes with the continuity of the series as well. If Hawks is supposed to explicitly replace her, that would mean that he wasn't just a fluke find on the commission's part and grabbed to mold into their own special superweapon; and that also would mean that her killing of the former president was before he was discovered which should put her at least in her forties. If this isn't the case, and he was meant to simply replace her in a "special agent" case, that still begs the question of how many more gifted children the commission preyed upon and are still out there.

And maybe the worst kicker for me is that something stinks. The way the art in this chapter is presented, if you completely blanked out the speech bubbles, is the same setup I had before - Hawks reaches out to his former mentor and pulls her from the brink of despair with a moving message about why he never gave up hope in being a hero who could actually make a difference.

Again, this is not what we got. He claims he knows her, and it's implied to have been a deep, personal character witness; but at best he only knows about her from secondhand sources. Even his reasoning as to how he never lost hope doesn't vibe with his character.

We have gotten so many cool one-liners for Hawks, but there has always been a consistent tone and imagery with them.

"Those who can fly, should."

"I don't belong in a cage."

"I'm free of my shackles."

"Can I be a shining light, just like him?"

What we got was, "I'm an optimist to a fault" which was the wording the official release went with and was by far the best iteration I have seen, but even this falls short of being truly in character for him and answering her question properly.

@mikeana made an edit of the titular panels for us Hawks stans this week with dialogue we and a few other friends felt was more fitting not only with the imagery of the chapter itself but internally consistent with the specific expressions Hawks uses in his heartfelt, personal dialogue. I just tweaked it a little bit more to fit what I was going for in our original conversation.

Which brings me to another concern.

2. What's the point?

There was no use for Nagant in the series as she's been presented so far. But more than that, Hawks has no business in this fight to begin with. He literally did nothing to earn this emotional moment, and this should have been Deku's moment.

We were teased in an interview with Horikoshi that Hawks was going to get a special moment as an important end-game character as a "shining light" of hope for others to follow as well as promises for Ochako to have another moment in the spotlight to make a difference.

If this was Hawks' shining light moment, it wasn't necessary, and it does nothing to move the plot forward or develop characters in any true or believable way. It just happened because plot. This should have been Deku's victory through and through, and even he is the reason BOTH Hawks and Nagant made it out alive instead of painting the street below them.

Deku's victory was stolen from him, too. It sours the other promises made to us about other characters moving forward, as well, if this really was Hawks' "Shining Light" moment.

By the way, did you forget about Overhaul? Me too!!! What was the point of getting our hopes up about reintroducing this beloved character with the implications this was a major arc setup to have him scream about pops and then get detained with no clues about what's going to happen to him besides, "Say you're sorry to Eri, and you get to see pops"?!

All this posturing and clumsy narrative flailing only actually succeeded in getting Deku in front of AFO again for plot when we already know Mr. Potato Head could summon, show himself to, or find Deku at any time he wanted. But instead we get this time skip with a bunch of heroes completely mended walking into a big, spooky mansion for AFO to evil monologue at Deku for… *counts*

FOUR PAGES!!!

Only to then give him the "I want YOU!" point over a pre-recorded message and the final nail in the coffin to me that something is off.

3. Ex-pu-LOOOO-SHUN!

It's become almost a game among friends to count how many explosions have happened since the end of the war arc - and specifically fake-out explosions. In the end of 311 we get All Might's car attacked via explosion and Deku cornered by Nagant only for All Might to be fine in the next chapter. In 315 Lady Nagant herself explodes in a blaze of glory to once again not be dead.

Gee! I wOnDeR if aLl the heroes were AcTuAlLy cornered and KiLlEd in that explosion in the mansion!

None of us do. They're fine. We're going to see it first thing next week. The shock has worn off, and it's repetitive and annoying at this point. There is no cliffhanger despite how the framing might try to tell you otherwise.

It's BAD WRITING.

The writing has been moving far too quickly and clumsily with no explanation in sight, and even character interactions are being cut short to the point of them being meaningless and empty.

This doesn't even feel like Horikoshi's bad writing. It feels like someone else is trying to call the shots and rushing him through these final bits of the series, and he's run out of things he's previously set up for months and months to reappear so someone is trying to get Dabi-reveal levels of attention with arcs and storylines that don't have the build-up to result in a satisfactory payoff.

4. At least it can get better... I hope.

Maybe those who share my suspicions or know what particular suspicions I have are with me in believing that this is a temporary disappointment and we haven't seen the last of the writing that's captivated me for years. I don't blame Horikoshi for these glaring faults that all came to a head in this chapter.

It CAN get better later, and I think it WILL- we just probably are going to have to wait for it. Until then, I'm going to enjoy the Hawks panels we got, maybe edit the last few chapters to be more in line with something more like the BNHA I know in a "fix it fic" fashion so I don't groan in anticipation of how long it might take us to get there.

See you all next week, hopefully on a much brighter note.

#she speaks #chapter review #bnha 316 #bnha chapter 316 #bnha manga spoilers

[btsandvmin]

Answering asks in regards to my recent post about shipping

Ok, so I got a few asks which I think are all responses to my recent post How much do we really know?

I got a few others but these are the ones I am choosing to reply to.

If you follow me and have done so for a while you probably understood my post already, and thus most of these replies might not be that interesting to my general readers. This for the most part just a reply to explain the points I felt got completely misunderstood by these particular anons. But I also go through some others that asks as well. Those will be at the bottom of the post if you want to skip the explenations.

Here goes. So the first ask I got was this:

Anonymous asked:

You mentioned in a post that during the billboard Vlive V suggested that him and Jimin “sleep together casually.” But the very next day Jimin said in a press conference that he was with JK all night and cried with him over the #1 spot. Do you think you ignore things JM says or does to fit your Vmin narrative? There just seems to be a big confirmation bias. A lot of your evidence seems to come from V’s songs but that’s entirely your analysis based off your perception of their relationship. (Not that I don’t agree with you on some of it.) How do you step back and look at things unbiasedly or rationally?

First of all, yes I did mention this but I didn't say that Jimin and Taehyung slept together that particular time/day. I am not 100% sure the post you read was the "How much do we really know?" but if it was, I said this:

"....or that Vmin seem to casually sleep together in private (if we take Tae’s words for it in the Billboard vlive)..."

Meanwhile in that vlive this is what Taehyung said.

"I told him to sleep next to me" followed by "...as he's too lazy to come to my place" it makes it sound like they normally would have gone to either place to sleep together, but both were too lazy to do so this time. Thus they didn't sleep together this instance, but the way Tae talks makes it sound like they casually ask each other to sleep together at times and like it almost was a given that one of them go to the other.

Worth noting is also that the way Taehyung says it (though there is always room for error since I don't speak Korean) it seems he was asking Jimin to come over first, and he wasn't even aware of the Billboard result. He also asked Jimin to do this on JK's birthday, so clrealy it didn't seem like a big deal at least from Tae's side to ask Jimin to come over to him on this particular day.

What I said in my post applies even if they didn't do it that day. Because it doesn't matter if Jimin went in the end or not, Tae still "casually" asked Jimin to come to his place to sleep.

You can look at the whole vlive (1st in BILLBOARD! Gather ARMY!) from September 1st 2020 and get your own understanding, it's not that long and it's full of cute moments.

But if we get into Ji/kook a little bit, the way I understood the situation from what they said is that of course yes, Jimin did tell JK about it. He said as much and of course I will believe him when he says it.

I never said that Jimin didn't say this, so I don't understand how my post would in any way imply that I ignore what Jimin says or does to fit a Vmin narrative. I didn't even mention Jimin, because it wasn't what I was talking about. Jimin's situation didn't matter in that context, just that Tae asked Jimin to come sleep with him.

Sadly I can't include all pictures because there is a photo limit, but Jimin also says he wasn't prepared for the news, and he was talking with Taehyung, and then he started to cry as he got the news. To me it seems he might have told Tae first (and that they already were on the phone when Jimin got the news?), and that JK likely wasn’t with Jimin when he got the news himself, but that he told JK at a later point.

But aren't you ignoring how they told the story a bit as well if you see this as a pure ji/kook moment?

The thing is that to me, no matter what ji/kook did that night doesn't even matter for what Tae said. It still indicates Vmin sleep together casually in their private time even if they didn't end up doing it that particular day. And if Tae could say that and ask that on the night leading into JK's birthday then how does that make Ji/kook seem like likely lovers even if they were together? Of course it doesn't mean that Vmin automatically becomes real, but I never said that either. Maybe the two ships cancel each other out, but in the end the fact that Taehyung said this, said it like it was normal, and suggested it the night before JK's birthday says something to me.

It's fine if Ji/kookers love the fact that JM told JK, I don't blame them, but they in turn need to take Tae's words into account as well. The whole point of my original post was to say I don't understand how shippers can feel confident in their ship being real, and this is a perfect example of why focusing in on one thing and ignoring or not noticing another makes these beliefs based on too little information.

You also seemed to ignore the rest of the post (if that was indeed what you were reading) where I state that I do have a bias and where ALL shippers use narratives that fit their ship to tell a certain story.

You also mention me ignoring moments and having confirmation bias, and sure I can't truly get rid of that, but again... I didn't ignore Ji/kook. I never said those things didn't happen. If anything I keep saying all ships have moments and shippers focus on them so much they don't see others have similar moments. Likewise I won't deny ji/kook moments when they clearly exist, that was a big part of the post, if you actually read it and didn't just get stuck on the small details. But it's good you are curious about and know confirmation bias. I have brought it up as a problem many times as well, and I will surely talk about it more in the future too.

Then, moving on to your point about "evidence" I would once again like to say (like in the post) that there is no such thing as proof or evidence for ANY ship. Just moments that shippers put together with their interpretations into a narrative. So you saying "A lot of your evidence seems to come from V’s songs but that’s entirely your analysis based off your perception of their relationship. (Not that I don’t agree with you on some of it.)" is why I felt you somehow misunderstood my whole post.

Of course it’s all my analysis based on my perception of their relationship. That’s the WHOLE POINT about how all shipping analyses work. Not just mine, but all.

Also, yes Taehyung's songs is a big part of why Vmin is suspicious, but it's far from the only reasons I have to question them. I simply used Tae's actions as an example in my post because they are quite many and out there. Many facts tied together, but of course what they mean is always a guess. Which I also stated clearly. I literally brought up a lot of examples of Vmin and said they make a lot of sense, but that doesn't mean we can be sure or "know" Vmin is real.

So, yes, I do feel you misunderstood me on several points, and it seemed you didn't read properly at all but rather got stuck on the details and then used Ji/kook moments to "refute" me even though it in my opinion wasn't relevant to the post at all. Which is why I in turn posted this reply:

It didn’t take long for someone to misunderstand my posts and get caught up on the details and examples instead of the general message. While they were at it they decide to throw in a good “accusation” of something I legit have said I am many times and no one can avoid. Good to know some people just don’t want to understand. 😗👍

Not only you but less interesting/good asks as well might have made me feel a bit annoyed, so I replied like this, I suppose I misunderstood your intentions too.

You also asked "How do you step back and look at things unbiasedly or rationally?" and my personal belief is that I can't. I am biased towards Vmin, and I do try to see things from many ways and to get content in its full context. But simply by consuming and remembering more about Vmin than other dynamics I will still remain biased. I don't think any shipper can truly remain neutral.

Then I got a a second ask (Edit; I now know this is by another person than the first ask).

This isn’t me trying to misunderstand you, I’m just genuinely curious how you ship vmin while also questioning Tae’s honesty (your BB night comment) and thus also Jimin’s, and also hand over the best tools to anti-vminnie who can use your words as proof that “well even vminnie don’t believe vmin so why should we?” And if all ships are basically equal, why ship at all, or why ship vmin? They have the most conclusive things and yet the more we get the more you question and doubt them.Why?

And suddenly there came a whole new additional set of problems.

I suggest reading my post Shipping vs Believing because if you knew my stance you would understand that I think there is a huge difference between shipping and believing and that you can ship whatever you like and it doesn't have to be tied to reality at all.

In general this ask makes you sound like a delusional and defensive believer, so I perhaps suggest reading my post Can shipping turn into conspiracy theories? as well. This additional ask is why I replied with this second short post:

You say I question the honesty of Tae or Jimin's words, but hopefully you understand this is not at all true since I explained what I actually meant in my original post. Tae asking Jimin to sleep with him is just as true as Jimin telling JK about the win. These two things don't contradict each other and I trust both of the statments to be real.

Also, how am I "handing over tools" to anti-vminies? These things are all out there, and I wasn't even talking about anything negative? Just because I have a more healthy approach than "Vmin is obviously real" that doesn't mean my words should be interpreted as "shipping Vmiin is pointless". However, you did get it right that I don't believe in Vmin, but you seem to have the wrong idea of why I have that stance to begin with. Which again, was part of the message in the original post which you here continue to not understand in other ways.

Me not talking as if Vmin is 100% real doesn't mean I hand out tools to antis. Personally I think that's a weird interpretation of my text, but I can't do anything but try to explain my view on shipping, which I feel that I have many times.

I also don't personally think all ships are equal, but I do think many ships have similar moments and that those moments either get ignored or hyper focused on in a way that makes shipping analysis less trustworhty and always biased and not based purely on facts and the full context. Basically yes, a lot of ships seem to cancel each other out, but that shouldn't stop anyone from shipping. BUT it should make people careful about calling moments "proof" and be sure their narrative is the only possible truth.

I also don't think it's fair to say "They have the most conclusive things and yet the more we get the more you question and doubt them.Why?". I've always tried to keep a distance between shipping and analysis and while we do get more and more for Vmin it's not that I start doubting them more... It's just that I remain open to other things despite more things happening that fits in a Vmin narrative.

I honestly can't tell if you have read a lot of my posts before or not, but it doesn't seem like it, and thus it feels even more unfair for you to lay this judgement on me as well.

Then I got a third ask (edit: which was a second one from the first anon):

Anonymous asked:

I think I’m the anon you responded to. I did read more of your posts where you question things a bit. It’s nice to see you still have a healthy view point on things. I wasn’t really disagreeing with your posts, just wondering if you felt everything was being considered when coming to conclusions. Have a good one !

All this drama, and for what? :P But have a good one too I guess. Thanks for taking the time to read more and trying to understand my point of view.

I also got this ask from another person, and I hope you might understand what I meant after reading my reply to the first anon.

Hi I am sorry I am confused. Can you tell me why specifically you think Vmin alluded to sleeping together during the Billboard Vlive? Didn't Tae say he was talking to Jimin on the phone and told him to come over? Then at the press conference Jimin said "I was with Jungkook" and they were sitting stroking their phones. I am not a shipper or an anti shipper or anything like that. I just would love to see the receipts on this if you have them?

Again, I didn't mean Vmin slept together that day. But the fact that he asked and it seemed like a very normal (even perhaps expected) thing that one of them would go to the other, I can still express it as Tae alluding to Vmin sleeping together at least sometimes during their private time.

Now onto another anon, with a very different take. :)

Anonymous asked:

Spot on. Shipping is one thing but how can some people "believe" in a ship, I'll never understand. People need to realize that even with all the content we get (from concerts to DVDs to Run to BV to interviews), we only see them for maybe like 2-3 days (total) out of 365 days. Like? They visit a country for 7 days and we only get 10 hours of content from it. Do we have any idea what any of them is doing right at this moment? "Supporting" a ship is stupid even if you're right at the end.

Thank you anon. I don't fully agree that we get as little as 2-3 days total out of a year, but we definitely don't see the majority of their lives. And while you are a bit crude, I agree... Even if a ship is real, supporting and believing and being convinced of only one ship is at least in my opinion not the right way to go about it. Which is why I say let's speculate but also support them all whatever the truth might turn out to be.

There we go... It ended up being a lot of drama made out of nothing else than a small misunderstanding. Anyways, I hope I made myself clear. Thanks for the asks, sorry for the somewhat annoyed attitude and I hope you understood what I tried to say.

Thanks for reading. If any of you had the patience to do so all the way through I salute you. <3

#vmin #vmin analysis #bts shipping #btsandvmin answer #btsandvmin ask #btsandvmin #my post #this felt a bit like a waste of time #i hope someone reads it #but at least it will give me some peace of mind #rant

[jojotichakorn]

There are plenty of parents who wouldn’t stand it if their son/daughter was gay, why would that be unrealistic in the series? I think it’s unrealistic to believe the opposite. Especially people, ie husband and wife who are well off and want to look perfect as well as making people believe they have perfect kids and everyone should „envy“ them. Of course pran‘s parents would want him to be straight. Think about the way the mothers were fighting when they weren’t even born yet (episode 1): let my baby be a healthy strong boy who gets a beautiful girlfriend who loves him and isn’t an envious person etc etc. Sorry if I overstepped, but I don’t think homophobic parents are such a „boring“ topic, since this is honestly the experience of many gay kids, in Thailand too. I know it’s hard to believe but there is a big chunk of people who are still homophobes, either openly or because they are conservatives and don’t understand it. I don’t know where aof wants to lead the story but for now this is what i think. thank you for reading.

i think something definitely got lost in translation somewhere because i have never said it would be unrealistic for their parents to be homophobic? as i said in this post of mine: "we have been asking the question of whether the fact that they are both guys will play into their parents' issue with their future romantic relationship or not, and i still don't have an answer for that" and "the question is, will they also be homophobic? at this point, i am not sure, because i feel like the family rivalry itself is already a big enough point of conflict, but i can also see the fact that they are both guys "adding fuel to the fire"."

as i hopefully made myself clear there, i can see it going both ways, and i am just not specifically sure whether the creators of the series have decided to make them homophobic or not.

it physically can't be hard for me to believe that there is a big chunk of homophobic people out there, because 1) i live in russia (which i think doesn't require additional explanation for you to understand what that means for someone like me, i.e. a trans, non-binary, bi person) and 2) my entire family is violently homophobic. also, just in general, as i am queer myself, i feel my own marginalization and oppression and the hatred towards me and people like me quite clearly every single day.

so yeah, i'm sorry if i didn't express myself properly somewhere and said something that sounded like i think homophobic people don't exist anymore or something like that. if you could tell me which specific post i was unclear in, i would love to go back and edit it with some additional explanation.

#archer responds #anon

[heloisedaphnebrightmore]

thanks for the kind answer 🥺 i’m such a mood reader too (and weirdly organized also hahah i bet your excel file is so cute)!! i’ll buy something on amazon and be so excited to read it but until it arrives my excitement already faded and im picking up something else u got harbored. i try to keep a monthly order of what i’m gonna read but i don’t always follow haha sometimes a book calls me and i’ve GOT to read it. and i try to alternate genders too like i became obsessed with historical romances during quarantine but so i don’t become creepily invested i shift to some fantasy or my latest: murder mysteries

i have another question though. you’re a writer and i don’t know precisely how seriously you take it other than a hobby but do you ever compare yourself with published authors? like you read something and you think to yourself “i’ll never be that good” (it’s been happening to me a lot)

Hahah yeah my excel file is actually quite messy in the sense that I can't, for the life of me, identify book genres when they are not obvious or when they are rather complex xD But it certainly is helpful to have an excel file :D

I could never follow a monthly order. I literally just pick up whatever feels right :D I've actually heard that a lot of people switch genres too, but honestly, I do it when I feel like it. 5 days ago I was reading Jennifer L. Armentrout's Harbinger series and then I went onto Julia Quinn's Bridgerton series. But before that I was reading fantasy for months and a bit of contemporary romance here and there. I don't really focus on genres. Rather tropes if that makes sense. I mostly check what tropes certain books have and then read according to those. If my mood wants some enemies to lovers, then it gets enemies to lovers :D

To answer your question, Yes and No.

You see, when I read a book, I don't ever focus on "could I ever be that good?", "will I ever be on their level" and the likes of those. I rather focus on things I could use in my writing. Things that could improve me. There are lines that inspire me, there are grammatical concepts that I didn't use and should have when I wrote something. There are scenes that I like in books, but I feel like I could do better, so they give me ideas. Rather than comparing myself, I try to look at things that could help me improve myself such as frequency of dialogues, description of worlds, using appropriate wording and the like.

That is not to say I have never compared myself to authors. Of course, I have. Who haven't?! But I rather do it in a generalised manner. Could I be as good as best selling authors? Possibly no. Only because I prefer the business side of publishing rather than writing. Writing is more of a hobby to me. However, I have also read books that were advertised as these amazing, life-changing fictions and they actually disappointed me. Those made me think that I could do as much or better actually.

So, I'd say that comparing yourself is not really a good thing and not because they are better or not, but simply because writing isn't just about the plot, but also understanding your own characters, building a world, using the right words, editing properly, formatting maybe in unique ways, paying attention to grammar at all times, using tropes that you like not only for the sole purpose of providing what readers want to see and also advertisement. Oh, how many books I've seen advertised to be these brilliant books only to be let down by not even the story line, but the terrible grammar. And English isn't even my first language, so I can't even imagine how it might bother those who's first language is English.

As you can see, there's so much to writing, therefore I don't think it's good to compare yourself. You can, of course, it's inevitable, but rather than looking at it in a negative manner, try (key word, try!) to pick up what you could improve on so that one day you might be indeed as good as those how are now popular published authors.

“Reading is my therapy” masterlist

#Heloise's inbox #books #reading #writing

[i-may-be-stupit]

Shigaraki x Silly!Reader

As usual, this is rather gender-neutral and the horny got me because I fukn love Shiggy 🥵😍 but yeah, enjoy!

You typed up a report of the latest incident between Endeavor and the league of Villains. Well, actually, you were just editing your boss's writing. She was a journalist and you were her assistant. You rolled your eyes, reading through it and fixing any grammar mistakes or typos you came across. Why the hell is she making Endeavor seem so god damn perfect? I mean, when you first met him, you told the guy a joke and he hasn't stopped glaring at you ever since. You rolled your eyes at just the thought of that fuck-faced jackass.

Not only were you the editor, but you were also the secretary in the news office building which is a whole different job as it is. You blew a bubble from your gum and turned your music in your earbuds up a bit more, since the day was going slow. Yeah, there'd be a scoop here and there but not a lot.

You looked up to see a guy with red eyes and a black hoodie grinning evily while saying stuff to you. You just stared at him until he finished talking. He looked at you and you looked at him. You spat your gum in a tissue then took out your earbuds. You smiled softly at the man. "I'm sorry, you said you wanted a visitors' pass?"

The man looked at you with a blank stare at first. "You didn't hear anything I just said?" You shook your head. He frowned and tilted his head in annoyance, "I was talking for like 3 minutes straight." You just blinked. "I just explained my whole reasoning for kidnapping you for information on Endeavor."

You smiled at him, "Im sorry sir, I'm just the secretary, but the information desk is on floor three, just take that elevator to the right and-"

"What the fuck, bitch?!" He opened his arms wide in anger, "Do you not recognize me from the news?!"

You put a finger on your chin and tapped it in thought for a moment, before clicking your tongue and snapping your finger, "Ah, you must be a pro hero or something!" His jaw dropped. "Wow, no wonder youre so handsome!" You took the bottle of lotion out of your desk's drawer and offered him some. "If you're going on an interview you could use some of this though!" He glared at you before snapping his fingers, and thats when you found out who he is.

The entire League of villains showed up and your eyes widened in fear. The man known as Shigaraki Tomura laughed harshly with a gleam in his eyes, "Recognize me yet, (Y/N) (L/N)?!"

You stared at him again in fear. You then snorted, "Hank the handy man?" And thats when he lunged at you, only for Shigaraki to fall into one of Kurogiri's portals. You laughed with tears in your eyes as the burnt up goth boy snickered. Kurogiri elbowed Dabi and Dabi wiped away a bloody tear in his own eye as he held your arms behind your back.

Dabi chuckled quietly in your ear a small, "You gotta teach me some insults if you live." And you snorted as you consentualy walked into a portal, not even mad at being kidnapped.

You were in what seemed to be a lounge area, seated on a chair with your arms handcuffed to the back of you. You looked around, innocently smiling, "Wowie, nice place you guys got here!" Spinner looked at Dabi confused as you started humming. "So, uh, whatcha need me for?"

Mange spoke up, "Wait, how are you so calm about this?"

You chuckled, "Hey, this chair is comfy, I'm off from work now, and I got to see a cute guy up-close and personal!"

Dabi looked at you with a straight face. "No thank you."

You rose an eyebrow at him, "Dont flatter yourself, Rat, I'm talking about the one that tried to kill me." Shigaraki walked into the room, slightly pissed off as Kurogiri rubbed his back. "There he is! The handsome one!"

Shigaraki glared at you. "Don't patronize me." You were about to speak, but he cut you off before even getting the chance, "You're working with Yuki Ino, the Journalist who's been interviewing pro heros, including Endeavor." You nodded, not understanding if that was supposed to be taken as a question or not. "Tell me everything about what's happened to All Might, why he retired, and how to end Endeavor, including the Pro-heros' plans to take down my organization."

You stared at him for a good minute before sneezing, "Sorry, what did you say? I disasociated."

Shigaraki twitched before scratching his neck violently. "What do you know about the number 1 pro hero?!"

"What?!" You looked at him in utter confusion. "I cant even remember what I had for breakfast, how the fuck do you expect me to remember anything about Enslaver?"

The red eyed male scratched his neck faster. "Endeavor."

You looked in even more confusion, "What the fuck is that?"

Shigaraki pulled you by your shirt closer to him in pure anger, "His hero name! Its Endeavor, not Enslaver!"

You blushed and fluttered your lashes, "Wow, the way your crimson gems glisten even in such dim lighting is so mesmerizing..." You puckered your lips and moved forward, but Shigaraki just let go of your shirt in utter disgust.

"I dont speak Wattpad."

You smiled at him happily, "I mean, I know that I should be scared because you're hella intimidating, but geez louis, your eyes are pretty! If you don't end up killing me can I be your boo thang?" You grinned and thats when he lunged at wwnnaqqa again, only for Kurogiri to put himself in front of you, again, so Shigaraki just fell into his portal, again.

Kurogiri just quietly mumbled out a small, "Lets take a break." Before going to the bar and throwing back a shot of some alcohol.

Later:

Shigaraki crossed his arms in front of the League with you in another room. "She was trying to seduce me like a slut to get out of death! Playing with my emotions?! Like I'm an ,idiot?! How dare she?!"

rtserrr

Dabi sat back, watching as Toga practiced her knife throwing on Twice. The burt man shrugged nonchalauntly, "She seemed legit to me."

Toga and Twice both nodded with a little, "Mhm," as Toga threw a knife at an apple on Twice's head.

Shigaraki just frowned. "Have you people seen me?" They all stopped what they were doing, looked at their boss and then put their hands up to their faces while cringing.

Kurogiri walked in, dragging you in a chair behind him. He placed you right in front of Shigaraki and you smiled awkwardly at him, "Sorry if i made you feel uncomfortable, Mister Shigaraki, I just can't help myself when I see a cute guy like you, though!" You giggled and shrugged as Twice awed at the nonexistent budding romance.

Shigaraki looked at you with disgust and concern. "You seriously think that I'm cute?"

You tilted your head cutely with a small smile"That's why I asked you out, what the hell?" You chuckled softly and Shigaraki blushed with a frown as he stared at you.

He scratched at his neck, took a shot of alcohol and sighed. "Just tell me everything you know about Endavor, okay?"

You frowned deeply with a small groan, "Ugh! He's kinda a asshole! I told him "Good morning, Teletubby Sun" and he just glarred really hard at me!" You frowned and pouted before mumbling out a small, "I mean, it was just a joke..."

Shigaraki pinched the bridge of his nose in utter frustration while Dabi fucking died of laughter in the background, "Anything actually important?"

You furrowed your eyebrows, "Hey! That's totally important!"

A weak, hourse, "it is!" came from Dabi and you grinned.

"See, he gets it!"

He glared daggers into you and got closer to your face. "Do you not understand the danger you're in?" He snarled. "I can kill you right now if you dont submit."

You poked your lips out jokingly before giggling out, "I get it, but who's to say I don't wanna die?" You winked at him.

Shigaraki stared at you calmly, not leaving your goofy grin. "Everyone out of the room. Now." And everyone did as they were told and left, all praying for you.

Shigaraki silently cut your restraints and you started rubbing your wrists while smiling, "Thank you! You know, that was starting to hurt-"

He grabbed you by your hair and flung you onto the floor. The wind was knocked out of you and to make matters worse, he placed a foot on your chest, glarring down at you. "This isn't a game, you stupid fucking cunt." Shigaraki laughed darkly, seeing your jokester smile twist into a horrified grit as you struggled to breath. "I mean, are you dumb or something?! Your worthless life is on the line and you really couldn't care less?! "His hands covered his mouth, holding back another laugh, though you could hear it in his voice, "You're so fucking pathetic, I don't even feel like wasting my time killing you~!" He pushed his foot down harder.

You gasped for air, clawing at his foot to pry it off. "S-Shigaraki, sir-" A crack was echoed as he pushed his foot down harder on your now broken sternum. You scream out as tears fell from your face from the pain, "Please, p-please remove your f-foot..."

Shigaraki only laughed harder, cupping a hand over his cheek, ring finger raised, "Oh all of a sudden you care about your life, huh?" He straddled you, pinning you down with your wrists in one hand, and your neck in his other. "You think you can just flirt with me like the little slut you are and get off Scott free, huh?" You choked and Shigaraki drew closer to your ear, "Where's that attitude gone now, huh? Oh, can you not speak anymore? Tell me, please, how many dicks have you taken already. How the hell did you get a job," his face scrunched up in fury, "at a god damn Hero News agency without knowing shit about any heros, huh?! You probably slept with everyone there. Didnt you? Flirting with them to get what you want just like with me?"

Your face was hot and you were crying and choking at his words and actions, "N-No! That's not-" you gasped hard, unable to breath properly, "not me at all!"

Shigaraki loosened his grip on your neck. He glarred deep into your soul. "Then why the hell were you flirting with me back there? I'm not dumb, (Y/N), I'm a very fucking capable man!"

You smiled awkwardly, thankful that you could breath a little better. "I just think you're HANDsome!" Shigaraki's cheeks tinted pink as he glared at you. He let his grip go completely as you choked and coughed before looking up with a smile, "And this position... w-with you on top of me is really lewd, so can you maybe..." You trailed off as he just stared harder at you.

Shigaraki blinked, expressionless. "I'm pinning you down on the verge of killing you and the only think you can think of is getting fucked by me?" You looked away, struggling a bit with the feeling of awkwardness and arousal. He smirked, feeling your neck get hotter. "You really are a little fucking whore aren't you?" And with that, he softly kissed your lips.

Your face went hot as you looked up at him. "What was that for?" He kissed you again, this time longer. "S-shigaraki..." You pouted and looked away. "Theres something I should tell you..."

"Hm?" He tilted his head with a smirk, waiting for you to tell him that you're still a virgin.

"You shouldve taken my lotion earlier." You laughed out and he started choking you again. "Joking- J- Joking!" Shigaraki glarred down at you before tongue kissing you much more rough. You moaned as it thrashed against your tongue, saliva dripping out the side of your mouth. Shigaraki bit your lip softly before dragging his tongue down your chin and onto your neck. He licked and sucked on it as you bit your bottom lip. Tomura came back up and tongue kissed you for only a second before grabbing your shirt with all five fingers. You gasped and covered up your bra. "H-Hey! Gentlemen ask for permission first!" You frowned and he just grabbed you by your jaw.

He mocked you with a fake pouty voice, "Oh, that's my bad for not being a fucking gentleman. Can I pwease fuck you??" Tomura rolled his eyes, "Now shut the fuck up and let me suck on your nipples." Shigaraki's mouth immediately locked with your left nipple as his fingers played with your right. He laughed, hearing you softly mumble his name. His mouth left your chest with a small pop and he looked down at you with a smirk, "Dont be shy saying my name, (Y/N); I'm gonna need you to get used to screaming it anyways." And with that, he licked his lips then placed his tongue on your torso, dragging it all the way down to your work pants.

He decenigrated your pants and underwear happily. Shigaraki brought his face to your slit and took a hard lick, a finger shoving itself inside of your tight hole. You moaned loudly, confused. "Tomura, a warning next time!?" He just pumped his finger inside of you slowly as his tongue played with your privates. You moaned while holding his head down on you, your fingers twisted in his hair, as he sucked you off like a cherry. You panted heavily and he stuck another finger in you. Shigaraki then lifted his head off you.

"I'd warn you that time, but you're kind of suffocating me, so maybe, don't fucking push down so hard!" You frowned and just pushed his head back in between your thighs. He kissed and licked more, groaning whenever you'd thrust into his mouth deeper. Shigaraki chuckled at how you'd only get quiet when hes making you moan.

You shivered and groaned, coming closer and closer to your climax. Shigaraki noticed and immediately pulled off of you. He wipped his mouth with the back of his hand and grabbed you by the hair. "Alright, slut, you've had your fun." He pulled you towards him and you fell on the floor, right in front of his groin. Tomura sat, grinned down at you with one leg up, "You gonna just stare or are you sucking me off?"

You rolled your eyes before pulling his pants and boxers down. Oh wow, you were not expecting this... You put a hand over your mouth and blushed hard. He was only semi hard and already a good 8 inches, what the hell?? It was thin, but long, kind of like the rest of him.

Shigaraki frowned down at you, blushing hard, "What? Is something wrong with it?? I-I've never done this before, asshole, so stop making me feel bad!"

You felt a smile rise onto your lips. Is he... getting flustered? You chuckled and looked up at him, pumping slowly, "It's just intimidating." You licked the tip and gulped, feeling a bit nervous, "But, I'll try to take it all in, okay?"

You placed your lips on his tip and suck it as your hands jerked him off. He groaned, grabbing your head with 4 fingers. You gradually took more and more into your mouth, using your hands for whatever didn't fit. You bobbed your head up and down on him, speeding up. Shigaraki groaned your name.

"F-Fuck, Y/N, you really know what you're doing!" He pressed his hand on the back of your head harder, forcing more of him into you. You gagged and choked as Tomura just laughed, "God, you're taking it all in like a good little sex slave, aren't you?" You moaned at the name and shigaraki shuttered, "Mm, your moans feel so fucking good on my cock!" He breathed harder, "Fuck, Y/N, I need you to touch yourself while sucking me." You brought your hand to your slit and rubbed at it, moaning. Shigaraki groaned, "Fuck, Just like that!"

You gagged and moaned on his dick, feeling it twitch in your mouth. A lewd little 'pop' echoed in the room as you let off. Shigaraki frowned and you gave him a cheeky grin, "No sticky icky for you!" He groaned in annoyance.

"God, why are you like this?!?" He grabbed your arm and threw you roughly on the bed. Before you knew it, Shigaraki was already inside of you. Your face went hot as he fucked you doggy style.

You screamed, "A warning!!! We've been over this!!!" He responded with a slap on your ass.

Tomura rode your ass, grinding into you and groaning while doing it. "Fuck off, Y/N, you're a horny mess just like me, dumbass!" You screamed his name as his thrusts became faster and deeper. Shigaraki pulled both of your wrists back and down, making you kneel, your back pressed against his chest as he fucked into you. "Fuck, you're so fucking tight..." Shigaraki sloppily kissed your neck. You breathed harder as his dick hit the spot over and over. Shigaraki flipped you over onto your back. You laid underneath him as he paused. Tomura blushed harder and looked away, "I-I wanna really savor this..." he smirked, glaring in your eyes, "Plus I wanna know what you look like, full of my cum!"

You were flustered and giggling, "Its the ✨mood switch✨ for me-"

Tomura placed a hand over your mouth, "No. You just lost your speaking privileges."

Shigaraki grinded into you slowly. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head and drool seeped from your lips. Shigaraki held your waist, pulling you whenever he's press himself deep inside of you. You were speechless from the pleasure. You moaned and whined as his body slowly moved with yours.

You pressed the back of your hand to your face, feeling a bit embarrassed at the change of atmosphere. It was so easy to just enjoy him fucking you silly and laughing and everything, but you couldn't bring yourself to feel any other emotion rather than pleasure muxed in with something new.

Shigaraki placed his forehead against yours and breathed harder, "I-I'm getting there, Y/N..." He let out a breathy moan and your legs shaked. Tomura kissed you softly as well. "A-Ah, you're almost there t-too, right?"

You nodded, feeling a knot in your stomach. You moaned and Shigaraki pulled out, cumming all over you. You moaned, climaxing too.

You were covered in cum and panting. You couldn't even find words to say. It just felt so good. Shigaraki cuddled up to you. He smiled and kissed your cheek. "I'm giving you your speaking privileges back now." You stayed silent, your face hot. It was hard for you to be serious, but God damn. Tomura looked at you a bit concerned, "You okay-"

"That was amazing."

He looked surprised before laughing hard. "Did I really leave you speechless?" You nodded, silently. Shigaraki kissed your lips, "That sucks because, even though you're annoying, I kinda like you."

Your eyes widened. He liked your jokes and stupid comments?! Your mouth became ajar. "I-I..." You just closed your mouth, staring at him.

Shigaraki placed his arm over you. He smiled, "Lets hang out tomorrow."

You smiled back.

[estrxlar]

The Ghost Of You

03 - Music Room 3007

Chapters songs:

*Dagger; Slowdive

On The Level; Mac Demarco

F song; Strawberry Guy

^^^ when including * in chapters next to a song, that means it is a song that will be performed in the chapter.

———

— Y.L. Perspective

      "Sunshine girl is sleeping. She falls in dreams alone," sings Toruku in a calming tone into a microphone, along with the strumming of a guitar. "And me, I am her dagger. Too numb to feel her pain."

     "The world is full of noise, yes. I hear it all the time. And me, I am your dagger. You know I am your wound." I join in, adding onto his

      The words we sang were truly upsetting. About a boy, a lover, who is aware he's hurting the girl he loves. I couldn't compare any relationship I'd ever been through to those lyrics.

      Although one had always caught my eye: "I didn't really lose you, I just lost it for a while." It was easy to automatically think of the boy I was duetting with when we covered this; for some time now, Toruku has had small feelings for me.

       One of the things that repelled me from a relationship with him was the idea that it would end horribly, and that it would potentially ruin our relationship.

      Not to mention how much drama that would cause for two other unproblematic teenagers who were only trying to make a living off of their talent: Hikishi and Giki.

      But today wasn't about what would happen between the two of us— today was her day.

     "I thought I heard your whisper, it happens all the time." And with that, the song is brought to an ending, followed by my gaze met with the blonde boy.

       "That was, once again, better than before. But I feel as if it's missing something." He explains, as he removed the wooden instrument from his arm and leaned it against the bean bag he sat in.

       Music room 3007 contained the following: I couple of bean bag seats, a coffee table, a vending machine, almost every instrument in existence in an extra storage room, tools used to record and analyze music, and posters + records we kept throughout the years.

       Truth is, music room 3007 wasn't even really a part of the school anymore. Sure, it was still on maps and the district still paid the electricity, cable, and water bill. But barely any students or teachers paid much attention to it, for it was stuffed behind the gyms, which were two large buildings that would block out any view of the smaller one that stood behind it.

      'I hope Sugawara won't have any problem with finding this place.' I think to myself, as I stand from the chair to turn the camera and microphone off.

      We would set up different amps, microphones, and cameras when recording a cover of a song. This time, it was a basic acoustic from 1993, named 'Dagger' by Slowdive.

     After turning it all off, I plop back onto the cushion. "I think we've don't this quite enough times already, 'Ruku. We should upload it already and get on to the second song. I mean, we've been here a whole hour trying to perfect 'Dagger'." I say, removing my uniform's blazer, and throwing it across the coffee table. Next came my tie, and I unhooked the first two small buttons of my white collared shirt. The music room got hot when so many electronics were in use.

     "Maybe you're right. We should probably get onto another song." He replied, running his hands in the bridge of his nose and down his neck.

      I quickly stand up from my chair and stand behind him, leaning onto his shoulders. "I think you're just tired. Are you sure you wouldn't wanna go home?"

      Toruku runs a hand up my arm, patting my shoulder, then sighs heavily. I couldn't imagine how tired he must be after today. His thoughts must've been wearing him down. "Yes, I'm sure. Besides, I don't wanna leave you all alone."

      "No need, Sugawara will help me get home, remember?" I ask him, followed by a moan of protest. It worried me that Sugawara and Toruku most likely wouldn't get along, especially since both seemed so compatible at first.

      Both his hands leave mine and lay in his lap. "And what's with this Suga guy, Y/n? Is he your buddy?" His voice echoed through the band room, stabbing the back of my brain while I think for an answer that wouldn't sound suspicious. I would say no, but who knew what the future could hold.

"I dunno. But he means no harm! At least I think so.." Tired from squatting, I lift to stand on both feet properly. Toruku slides his hand away from my figure and brings it towards his face. It covers his mouth as he once again sighs. "You seem tired after today, Ruku. Is it because of Moku?"

Hopefully, I hadn't overstepped any boundaries with what I had said. Hopefully, I was remotely correct about why he looked so down. "Yeah, it is. I won't act as if it doesn't bother me because I know it bothers you too. Although it's been three years, I still feel very guilty for going on without her."

'At least he knows I'm here with him.' I thought, moving to the bean bag I had been in just a few moments ago. By her, I meant Torukus passed girlfriend, and my best friend: the reason I practically stopped living at the age of fifteen. Honestly, Toruku and I weren't even really that close. I knew her as her boyfriend and he knew me as her best friend. And as close as we were to her, we were never friends. Moku's death only brought us closer to each other, stirring up the beginning of a rock band.

      "I know what you mean. I do. Thankfully, this birthday of hers went better than the last two, wouldn't you say?" I ask, leaning on my elbows that sat on my knees.

      "Definitely. The previous ones all ended up in fights and long makeups. I guess we're just more laid back about it now," He explains, getting up from his seat, and browsing the instruments that were hung on the wall. His fingers wrap around his belt loops as he stands. "I feel bad for getting over her so quickly."

       "I know exactly what you mean. Never forget that I'm right here next to you, Toruku. That we've gotten through this together instead of alone. Although I wish you had talked to me more when it had first happened, I was all alone!" I chuckle at the last part, even if it wasn't funny at all. "I think the life we made out of our relationship has turned out for the better. Look where we are now: moving to American in about a year to sign to a label. Wouldn't she be proud we've gotten so far?"

      "Maybe you're right," Toruku says, leaning against the back wall. His hair danced over his eyes barely, as they stared right at me. "Maybe you should hit up Toru and Hajime, ask how they're doing. They went through this too, you know."

      "Yeah, I know. I haven't because I'm afraid of what they'll say, or if they even say anything at all. They're both a part of a very different social class after all. If anything, I'll probably get a simple thumbs up on my message." My voice grows low, expressing my tiredness from this conversation already.

      Toru and Hajime were two other people that used to be in my friend group with Moku throughout our childhood. Both were loud and expressive and played volleyball, but they were also very kind and friendly towards Moku, Toruku, and me. Once middle school had started, the five of us grew closer and closer by the second. We joined volleyball clubs, hung out at our houses practically every day, and grew popular throughout the years. But once Moku had passed, we all fell apart. She was what held us together after all.

       Both Hajime and Toru decided to go to another high school, and Toruku and I went to another. After that, we hadn't heard a single word from them.

      "It's worth a try, Y/n. We wouldn't want to seem inconsiderate." Toruku says as he pulls out a pack of cigarettes from his pockets, as well as a lighter. After lighting one, the smoke leaves his mouth slowly, as he continues. "I wish you would at least try to make amends between them. You were closer to them than I ever was."

     "I'll try. Just not now."

———

       After another hour of practice with Toruku, the two of us stood silent on our phones while we waited for Sugawara. Something told me that he had gotten lost. Either that, or he just forgot about me, which I wouldn't blame him for.

       But right when I was about to tell Toruku that we should go home, a message from an unknown number had shown up on the top of my phone screen that alarmed me.

      [Text Message: ###-###-####]

Hey, I can't find the music room. It's not on the school campus. Either that, or it's the most invisible classroom ever brought to this school.

     [Reply to ###-###-####]

I'm assuming this is Sugawara? Sorry, I don't have your number saved. If otherwise, the wrong number.

       After the second the message gave me a preview, I fully entered the screen. It had a profile picture, but not a contact name. Although, that was my very first-year-like of me to be irresponsible. [Sugawara] read the title after I'd edited it, and nothing more. Only a few brief messages that we had just sent to each other.

Sugawara

  

Hey, I can't find the music room. It's not on school campus. Either that, or it's the most invisible classroom ever brought to this school.

I'm assuming this is Sugawara? Sorry, I don't have your number saved. If otherwise, the wrong number.

Actually, right number! But seriously... I have no idea where the hell you are. Is it off-campus? I might just cry if I don't figure this out. I've been at it for a solid ten minutes.

Ten minutes?? Damn boy, you could've just asked to meet me in the cafeteria or something. Toruku and I have been waiting here for a while as well.

Sorry!!

No need to apologize.

- you have started sharing your location with {Sugawara}-

Thanks. See you in a bit.

      After discussing where I was hanging, I decided to look more into this saved contact. 'Had I really been so close to him as to have discussions with him?' I think as I decide to read a few more messages above our most recent convo. They only consisted of homework answers, tutoring questions, and a few more comments about school festivals and such. A good ten invites to a volleyball game were stored in there as well. I hadn't realized how much he had meant to me just two years ago. Time flies, taking most of your memories with you.

      A few more moments went by before a knock came upon the room's entrance door, as well as the voice of someone behind it. "Uhm— hello..? Is this the right room?"

     "No, go away," Toruku replies in a deeper, scarier voice as he shuffled towards the door to reveal Sugawara standing there alone with a frightened expression.

      Suga sighed, putting a hand over his chest while he smiled. "That gave me a heart attack." He says, fixing his eyes towards my sitting figure. "Ready to go?"

     I nod, lifting from my seat and stretching out my arms while yawning loudly. "God, I'm tired," I mumble to myself, gathering my bag and the tie and jacket I had taken off, before slowly walking over towards Sugawara. "Isn't it after practice? Shouldn't you be all tired and worked out?"

    "Oh, no. Today was only focused on the new players, which honestly didn't go so well." He explained, finishing with a soft chuckle. Though I could tell it was filled with disappointment, for the way he looked down on the floor was purely depressing.

      But quickly steered the conversation another way to distract him from it; that was the least I could do. "Oh, well, today it was just Toruku and me. But thankfully we just recorded some extra vocals so we didn't have to record the rest of the teams' jobs."

     Sugawara distracts himself, taking small glances around the room as I explain to him what we did. He observes the different colors and pictures on the walls, the furniture we helped ourselves to, and the instruments gathered onto the wall. "It looks quite comfortable in here. To be honest, I'm surprised that the school even lets you decorate this place all by yourselves."

       "They didn't, they just don't know about it. It's quite convenient if you ask me.." I mumble, shuffling from one foot to the other. What I said was no lie, we were truly blessed to have had a room to ourselves here on campus. If it wasn't for the band teacher who had shown it to us, we probably would've spent our practice time in a garage where there's no AC or comfortable floors.

      Meanwhile, Toruku explained to Sugawara the reasoning behind each decoration, I check the timing. It was 6:00 PM, just in time for my mother to get home from work.

      "Should we get going?" I ask the grey-haired boy, as he's brought back to reality. He and Toruku sharply turn, pausing their supposedly intriguing conversation, as he nodded to my question.

       "I guess so. Well, thank you for showing me this place, I never would've discovered it if it wasn't for you two." Sugawara states, bowing towards the blonde boy with a cigar.

      "Alright, I'll catch you later, Y/n. And it was nice meeting you today, Sugawara." After I have a small hug to Toruku and said my goodbyes, Suga and I were out the door.

      Our walk began with the two of us climbing down a few stairs, and jogging towards where the sidewalk actually began. From there on, it was easy getting towards the main part of campus, and walking home would be a piece of cake. For Sugawara, I mean.

       "So, do you walk home every day?" I ask, tightening my hands around my bento box. The silence between us rested heavily on my chest; not a single word left his mouth.

       But it may have been because he was stuck in his own little world, for soon after my question, he blinked his eyes a couple of times and cleared his throat. "Oh, no— not really. I only walk after practice when I stay late. But on free days, like in the morning, I ride the bus."

       Nodding, I explain my way of getting to and from school as well. "Me too. Well, usually my mother would drive me before school even started. Either that or I would ride my skateboard and hide it in some gutter. You know how angry the school gets about skateboards." I laugh, hoping he'd approve of joking with school rules. But knowing Sugawara, he probably already knew I bend some.

       "Ah, yes. That's convenient. But how far did you live before moving into [Neighborhood]? Surely not too far, right?" He questions, looking down at me for an honest answer.

        I widen my eyes at this, making my answer to his questions obvious already. "Uhm.. no! Just a mile and a half away, not a big deal.." My head turns the other way while I giggle at Sugawara's shock. It wasn't a big deal for me at all, I didn't mind getting the few extra steps in the morning. As for him, he must have not had to walk that far every day to understand. I didn't blame him for being so surprised. It wasn't every day you find someone who voluntarily walks that far.

      "Oh— that's.. that's a lot! I'm sorry that you had to do that. It must have been hell! But thankfully you have someone to join you on transportation, right?" Sugawara gives me side-eyes, as a smile appeared on his pale face.

      "Yeah.. you're right." My sentence runs low in the cold, shaking as I shift from the sidewalk to the road. The pavement felt hard and slippery due to the transition from winter to spring, yet it was still freezing outside.

      "You know... it was strange bumping into you today. To be honest, I feel like I'm fifteen again. I think that's just how you make others feel, you know?" My words come out abruptly, but I didn't mind. After today's long day all I wanted was one honest conversation.

     Thankfully, Sugawara felt the same I did. "Spending time with each other must have brought back lots of memories, even if they were small." He says to me, observing the way my feet jumped from the curb to the street.

      The feeling he brought was like a scent from years ago when you're a little kid. Whether you're reading by a window, or running through a meadow, you'd forgotten it ever even tickled your senses.

     "It's kind of strange. Even if we weren't best friends, you still meant a lot to me. I'm wondering whether or not you're still the same, and if that could be brought back." I explain, drawing out my arms to make a tree-like pose while I played hopscotch with the roads. The keychains that hung on my badge made a 'clunk!' noise against the ID, meanwhile, I discussed. "We've both changed so much, Sugawara."

       "You're right, we have. But for the better, you know? I think at the moment I'm mentally healthier than in the past year. And as for you, I think anyone can see that. I don't mean that your time of grief was a mistake, but I'm happy that you've been nicer to yourself."

       "Yeah, me too." My words stutter, interrupted by the loud engine behind me. Sugawara and I quickly turn towards the noise, widening our eyes at how close the vehicle was. Suddenly, an ear-piercing honk is signaled from the driver, and I'm quickly pulled from in front of the car to under a streetlight in one's arms.

       The action is hasty and happened in just a split second, but enough to save me from being run over. Barely comprehending what had just occurred, I freeze in place just like the slippery road. And as the car honks off, I'm left, once again, alone with Suga. Only this time, uncomfortably in his arms.

     Lightning travels down my back once I realize I was being held by a stronger, warmer body. Both my arms were being tightly held by his, and my body barely being separated from his by an inch. I stared right into his eyes, as he did so as well.

     "Y/n, you. you've got to be careful. Be careful."

      Sugawara's words ring in my ears, as I rapidly blink to regain consciousness. Immediately after, a scatter to search for my school bag, which was thrown only a few feet away from me. After retrieving it, I quickly stand onto my feet and turn to Suga, who's already prepared to continue our walk.

      "I'll be careful."

      With that, the two of us continue our journey towards home in silence once more.

      I've gotta be careful with Sugawara.

——

Thanks for coming back to read :) I know my story is crappy but I've only been writing for a little so you could understand why. Please please vote for my chapters, thank you.

- star

[fungisteri]

today has probably been the normalest day I've lived for... months. perhaps even years.

by normal I mean, every day I'm plagued by multiple emotional turmoils, and they're so distressing most of the time that I'm unable to do things properly. In fact, most of the time they hold me back from doing things, because I can't do much other than just thinking.

This is why I have a pretty developed philosophy and connect dots with ease, because I'm constantly stuck in my own head, much so that I'm disconnected from reality most of the time. I attributed this incapacity to regulate, focus and function to undiagnosed adhd, which is still not out of the question, but my symptoms are greatly strengthened by the emotional trauma and my social media addiction.

I'm not confident in saying that I've truly been alive, at least during march 2020 to february 2022, because I didn't live reality as it was: I lived and perceived through the thick lens of lack of self esteem, depression, emotional abuse, and layers upon layers of trauma. Every day was torture because I was unable to free myself from thinking about things that made me deeply upset. I still live that way, to a certain extent, mostly due to new fresh traumas and emotional dilemmas that ferment in my already putrid brain. But then? I felt helpless. I felt like no matter how much I chose to act a certain way or do certain things, I was completely unable to do so. I was a spectator to my own life, over which I had little to no choice on: it was up to other people and my own mental illness to push it forward. My conscience was out of the equation.

Things are still that way, to a certain extent. But...

Today... I did things. I did a lot of things.

I went out for quite a long walk to get a specific brand of cream cheese for someone else, and bought some cookies with the leftover money.

I played genshin impact quite a lot. It didn't really satisfy me in the morning, so I juggled through other activities to find something that would scratch the constant itch in my brain. I picked back up an editing project which I had barely started, which made it all the more intimidating, but I... got to work? Granted, it's nowhere near finished, but I made more progress than I could've expected. I'm actually really happy with how it looks so far, which is an uncommon feeling nowadays towards my creative work.

I played more genshin impact, this time on the story mode instead of the daily grinding. It was actually fun! I explored the underground of the new area, The Chasm, and while it did kill my frames and was a bit of a pain to traverse, it still felt like an achievement to finally venture there.

When it got tedious again, I juggled through tasks. Of course, nothing really satisfied me. Throughout the day, I chatted with Fork, as I always do. We read through a couple of fanfics together, which was fun! Only two fanfics scratched the itch, but to my dismay, they were pretty short- one of them unfinished! Ah, quite unfortunate.

I then looked at the time and realized it was late enough, and that I had to start going over chemistry. I have my first science exam this monday, and that subject is ALWAYS a struggle because the tests are always unexpectedly hard. And you're not going to believe this- I actually studied! From the book! ...I know this may sound like the most mundane thing, but my undiagnosed adhd has made it impossible for me to sit down and read a textbook and actually have information enter my brain since ELEMENTARY. Not only that, it was still embarrassingly hard for me to concentrate, but I'm proud to say I've actually learned something and understood it! Woohoo! I'll continue to try tomorrow, of course.

When studying got too tedious, which was after about 15 minutes, I made myself some chocolate milk, opened the package of cookies I bought on the morning, and I put on some music and danced. I must clarify, I don't know how to dance, nor do I typically enjoy dancing, so it's something I almost never do, and only when I'm alone. And it's... nice? I just, moved around a bit to some Lovejoy music, and as much as I hate to admit this it actually helped me distress. I hate that they were right about physical exercise, especially dancing, helping destress!! ugh!! why wasn't it this way since elementary, I'd be leading a much healthier life if it had been the case!!!

I then studied for about 20-30 minutes more, with help from the sweet stuff I prepared for myself, and after that, it hit me.

This is how I want to live.

I want to do things, (healthy things, productive things, pleasant things) by myself, and truly enjoy them, without being held back by my neverending anxiety and dissatisfaction with life and thinking about all the things that make me miserable. To me, that's what it means to be a normal person.

I was still tortured by my thoughts on various emotional issues, of course. But... I did so, so much. And I even lived the moment, at times, without constantly thinking about what I was doing from the perspective of a spectator.

While not the happiest day, this was the normalest day I've ever had.

I can't wait for there to be more of these.

#fungi.doc

[fractempyreal]

Do you have a rules page/bio page? I keep trying to load your site but it keeps crashing almost seconds after I do on desktop? Sorry, didn't want to bother you but I was just curious. Thank you

I do! It’s on my theme and it’s the star that’s hovering above the little info box to the right, but I’ll put them here under a readmore if you can’t get to them. Note that some of these do need to be edited, and the bio is limited for the most part until I kick myself to finish it, but this is the gist of it.

RIFP mobile users. Here we go:

✔ CROSSOVERS, OCS, DARK THEMES, PLOTTING, MUTUALSX M!A’S, HARASSMENT, SHIPPING, DRAMA, PASSWORDS, INCEST, PEDOPHILIA, ETC.

CANTO I: BEGINNING

This is an independent RP blog for the character Vergil from Devil May Cry. This blog is in no way affiliated with the games, & all content on the blog belongs to their rightful owners. Content on this blog will be NSFW in terms of BLOOD, GORE, DARK THEMES, POTENTIAL BLASPHEMY, & SEXUAL CONTENT. Vergil will be a mix of game & book canon along with my own headcanons, potentially with a slight canon divergence in terms of the post-events of DMC3/Nelo Angelo, at least until there is more known about Devil May Cry 5.

Vergil is not a kind person, nor is he weak. If you challenge him, he will respond. I do not hold back my muse & I ask that you not try to be cheeky & test this unless you are willing to accept that Vergil will indeed wail on your muse to put them in their place. Respect my muse, I respect yours.

Most interactions will take place Post-Nelo Angelo incident unless requested otherwise.

Triggers will be tagged _______ tw, & if there happens to be something specific that you need tagged, please let me know! I have no triggers of my own, but I do ask that the DADDY KINK BE TAGGED.

On the subject of Nero being Vergil’s son, this is not something I’ll consider as canon UNLESS IT’S ALREADY BEEN DISCUSSED WITH THE MUN.

I do not send in passwords. I make it a habit to go onto a person’s blog & read their rules, so I hope that I’m given the same courtesy in return.

I don’t do M!A’s.

I DON’T TOLERATE INCEST, PEDOPHILIA, RACISM, DUB/NONCON, OR ANYTHING OF THE LIKE. PLEASE DON’T FOLLOW ME IF YOU WRITE OR CONDONE THESE THINGS.

CANTO II: THE DESCENT

I am a HIGHLY PRIVATE & SELECTIVE BLOG. I run multiple other blogs on top of this one, so I will not have time to RP with everyone & for this, I apologize. There are, of course, other fantastic Vergil blogs to follow & interact with in the DMC RPC!

I will follow where I see a possible interaction. I am MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE, meaning that I will only interact with people who I am in a mutual follow with. Some things that tend to have me turn away from following a blog aside from incompatible muses is too much OOC content, inactivity, missing about/rules page ( this applies to both canon & OC blogs ), or simply not a lot of effort placed into replies, since I do tend to read people’s replies.

I typically unfollow a blog after an inactivity period of 4 months without hiatus notification unless they’re a friend. If this happens to be a category that you fall into, & you return to a blog that’s been inactive & I have unfollowed, simply hit me up or like some of my posts so that I realize you’re still around for me to follow back.

I don’t press for exclusivity. Usually, a person’s muse will naturally become a main muse for me, but that does not necessarily mean that I won’t interact with a duplicate. Please do understand that, being a private RP blog, those who I have known for a long time will be prioritized, but I will get to other threads in a ( hopefully ) timely manner.

On the note of exclusivity, I don’t really practice it outside of shipping. Otherwise, I am open to interacting with other duplicates of Vergil as long as the other mun is comfortable. DMC muses, I won’t be practicing exclusivity with simply because I wouldn’t want to tie someone down when I can’t promise high activity.

I sometimes don’t notice the moment that someone’s followed me. I typically follow back after 3-4 days. If I have not followed you back in that time, then know that I have made my decision & ask that you respect that. Trying to harass me into following you will not work in your favor & will result in a hard block.

Asks & questions about my muse are open to anyone, but interactions/memes are limited to mutual. Personals are free to follow my blog as long as they are aware of RP etiquette & don’t reblog threads or spam like/reblog my posts as it ruins my notifs bar, & will result in a hard block. You are more than welcome to reblog images that I reblog.

CANTO III: INTEMPERANCE

THIS BLOG WILL MORE THAN LIKELY NOT CONSIDER SHIPPING WITH ANYONE UNLESS WE ARE ALREADY CLOSE FRIENDS. Considering how difficult it would be to ship with Vergil, not to mention that I’ve had enough issues in the past concerning ships & I would rather avoid it. I ask that this wish be respected.

If by any chance I decide to smut with someone, the post will be properly tagged with a simple NSFW so that it’s easily caught by blacklist. Depending on my partner, I can either place the post under a cut or not.

CANTO IV: INFERNO

I do not tolerate anon hate, theft or constant vague blogging/drama from anyone. Callouts are fine when they have fundamental reason to be spread & I will tend to reblog a couple depending on the level of seriousness, such as theft, abuse, racism, etc.

AGAIN, DO NOT FOLLOW ME IF YOU SUPPORT WRITING INCEST, RAPE, PEDOPHILIA, UNWANTED SEXUAL ADVANCES ,OR THINGS OF SUCH NATURE. There is no debate, no ifs or buts, just turn around & leave. I have been in the fandom long enough that I’ve seen the ships that dominate the community & I want to see absolutely NO PART OF IT on my blogs.

CANTO V: ALL HOPE ABANDON, YE WHO ENTER HERE

My name’s Whitney! I’m a 22+ year old nerd that’s been stuck in DMC hell ever since I was 8. Save me.

I am a busy person, working two jobs & attending University. With that being said, things will be slow on this blog. While I don’t mind being reminded about a certain thread, I would appreciate not being harassed over replies. I’m just here to have fun.

ABOUT

NAME: Vergil

AGE: Old af, appearance to be in his early 40’s in events of DMC5

GENDER: Cis Male, he/him pronouns used

SPECIES: Half-Devil, Half-Human

ALIASES: Dark Slayer, Son of Sparda, Nelo Angelo, The Alpha and the Omega

LANGUAGES: English, Japanese, Italian, Spanish, Latin, Greek, Dimoori Sheol

HEIGHT 6’5”

HAIR: A snowy white with a bluish sheen to it, it’s appearance is rather sleek. Pushing it back away from his face more often than not, it can at times look rater spiky despite the reality that it’s extremely soft & silky to the touch. With his hair down, the relationship between him & his twin is irrefutable, thus the act of pushing his hair back is to keep himself from looking anything like his brother.

EYES: Powder blue, like that of ice. They’re piercing—– haunting—– they’re the eyes of a man that has seen much as well as lost. There is seemingly no warmth to them, & accentuate that there indeed is a difference between he & his brother.

DISPOSITION: Usually a cold & aloof man, he is one of few words. He is not warm nor friendly towards strangers, disregarding them from the get-go unless he finds use of them. Most put him off as cold & unfeeling, which in most cases is correct as long as it’s someone that he doesn’t know. It can be unsettling to make an attempt to interact with him if you have no reason to. He doesn’t like having his time wasted.

BODY TYPE: Aside from being imposing in stature, his physical makeup is also rather intimidating. Broad & extremely muscular, he maintains the appearance of an individual that puts himself through vigorous daily training. HE IS EXTRAORDINARILY POWERFUL, & HIS STATURE DOES LITTLE TO HINDER HIS SPEED.

GENERAL APPEARANCE: A picture of elegance & class, he dresses himself in only the finest materials. He is always clean shaven & his wardrobe is well-maintained. Usually dressing in dark colors, they accentuate his sharp features as well as bring out the piercing, pale iciness of his gaze.

SPEED     ⦿⦿⦿⦿⦿ AGILITY     ⦿⦿⦿⦿⦿ STRENGTH     ⦿⦿⦿⦿⦿ DEFENSE     ⦿⦿⦿⦿⦿ STAMINA     ⦿⦿⦿⦿⦿ STRATEGY     ⦿⦿⦿⦿⦿

#If there's anything else you need then please feel free to let me know ;w;/ #♚ ` ᴇʟᴅʀɪᴛᴄʜ sʜᴀᴅᴏᴡs ｡ﾟﾟ Anonymous #♚ ` ʜᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ʙʀɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴛɪʀᴇ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ ᴛᴏ ɪᴛs ᴋɴᴇᴇs ｡ﾟﾟ Answered

[ellesjournals]

The Calm Before the Storm

The 10th day of January marked the last day of the break just before the start of the second semester. Following the not-so-good first semester of my freshman year, the second semester meant two things to me. First, it meant a new beginning, a chance to make up for my mistakes and for the times I failed myself, and an opportunity to apply what first sem has taught me. Second, it was a challenge, really. I won't deny that it's a lump pushing its way out of my throat, a hollow feeling in my stomach. It's scary, coming off from a really horrible month (or should I say sem) since I felt the need to bounce back and that I can't fail again.

In an attempt to calm myself down, I decided to fight my urge to stay in the comfort of my bed in my dormitory room. I strolled around the campus, ignoring the fact that though I like walking and observing lifeforms, I hate how every now and then, I have to face the perennial challenge of confidently crossing streets on my own. I brought a piece of yema with me, jokingly thinking that if I'd miraculously bump into someone I know, I'd give it to him. (Yes, I said "him".) I wore a white jacket, held my phone in one of its pockets and played some music through my earphones, and finally headed to the Acad Oval. I saw the trees exhibiting crown shyness, the empty benches, and the ice cream cart. I tried to slowly breathe and take in everything because I knew that after that day, I'd be experiencing a major change. College has its own state of nonpermanency: I have to take new classes, which meant new schedule, new professors, new readings and new set of faces to know. Even though I didn't like the first sem that much, I knew it won't be easy to grow out of something I'm used to. No more blockmates. No more routines my body has memorized. No more one and a half-hour or three-hour breaks in between, the ones that took me some time to figure out how to spend wisely. No more late Tuesday and Thursday classes. Somehow, I knew I had to re-learn many things again. That sunk in all at once: I knew it won't be the same anymore. I took in everything with that in mind, knowing that the next day, the campus won't be as calm again. The next day, should I choose to walk around the oval again, I knew I'd be seeing a lot more people and a lot more cars. It would feel more alive and though I love seeing signs of life, it would also mean there would be a lot of energy to absorb and sometimes it exhausts me. I like solitude.

I decided to write one last piece because I knew that when the sem starts, I won't have much free time anymore and besides, I knew I didn't really have a productive break for I had other things to do. It was also like my gift for myself since I know the feeling of accomplishment I get whenever I finish a piece, no matter how badly-written it is. So while going around the oval, I was trying to form a narrative, was jotting random concepts here and there until the storyline became somehow clear to me. My heart was heavy and I guess that translated to my writing because before I knew it, I already had something that is somehow sad. After I had keyed in all ideas, I wanted to settle down so I walked to the Sunken Garden, sat on the grass and started properly working on the piece. I came up with like a short scene in which the girl was narrating how she felt as she and the guy said their goodbyes, not knowing when they'll see each other again, unsure if the guy would even think about her ever in the future. I like capturing mood rather than exploring what happened (and I hope it was what my writings project).

It took me some time to finish it, but I was somehow satisfied that I actually got to finish it, that I didn't have to let it sit for like five days before I reopen it in a time when I'm not in the momentum to write about it anymore. I stood and went to the other side of the Sunken Garden, and read my draft again, just wanting to see it with fresh eyes, and correcting minor errors that I found. I sat on one of the benches, browsed through my gallery, edited a photo I could attach to it when I'll post it, and decided to walk back to the dorm. I was feeling fine. Not the happy-and-energetic okay but just the okay okay, the I'm-not-gonna-cry okay. After all, I was feeling satisfied. And this is when one of my favorite moments happened.

I crossed the street, paying much attention to the car that was about to pass, running a little. When I successfully came to the other side, I was surprised to see a person, a friend who I really, really love. A surprise it is — he was the one I was thinking about giving the yema to. However, I ate the yema at the oval since I knew it was more impossible than possible to see him around that afternoon. So, back to the surprise — I saw him and for a moment, I thought my mind was messing with me. I thought I was thinking too much and my mind was tricking me into thinking he's there when he isn't. But it's real, he was really standing in front of me. He said that the figure of me using my phone looked familiar.

I was already thankful for that, he's so close to my heart and was one of the people who kept me sane during the very difficult first sem days. Seeing him, being in his presence, getting to experience knowing I have such a friend — that was enough for me. That already lifted my heavy feeling and I may have uttered a prayer of thanks. God must have known I needed that.

While we were walking, he asked me to sit down for a while and we settled in one of the benches in front of the College of Engineering building. We talked about a lot of things. He's a very academic man and is a little more mature than I am. The things we talked about ranged from me taking up chess class — a class he has taken during the previous semester (with him giving me a crash course even if I audibly said "ayoko sayo" when he asked me to play with him) — to the names of my siblings to the posture of people who are jogging. He was the one who took the lead, asking questions that he may seem to have pre-planned in his mind. After all, in our friendship, he's the more organized one. He was very patient, too. We reminisced some moments from our own highschool lives. Of course, we also talked about the upcoming sem and how we felt about it. We may or may not have joked about a few things in between our "serious" discussion. I felt less alone. I learned a lot from him, like I always do; I also learned a lot about him.

As a person who prefers to capture the mood more than the plot, I can't really tell all the topics we touched on, but I know I can tell how I felt. It was a rare feeling but I only know a few people who had made me feel like that. It felt as if I am in a dream. The world looked dreamy, hazy and bright; I felt like it was easy to forget I am sitting in a bench because everything felt light, as if I am floating. It was one of the few days when I am aware that I am smiling. It felt good, it felt comfortable, it felt right. Though we talked in a place which is basically just on the side of the road and vehicles and people were passing by every once in a while, it felt as if they are less important, that they are just part of the milieu. I felt very in the moment, which is odd since an unhealthy habit I have is the fact that I either think too much about the past or the future.

When it was already getting dark, we decided to walk back to our respective dorms (his was kind of adjacent to mine). It felt like the first semester, the nights when we were walking from our philosophy class, the times when we would have little conversation about our lives (though it was just mostly me ranting and telling him how tired I am). He's a very kind man. I knew I wanted to hug him that much because if you'd ever meet such a beautiful person, I swear that would be your first instinct.

When it was the time to say goodbye, I hugged him a little longer than usual because I knew it would be long before I'd get to do that again and also because I really, really do love him. I felt strong and I felt a little more ready for the second semester.

It was so satisfying to have hugged him like that. When we parted, I knew I miss him already, but it was the satisfied kind of missing him, not the I-wish-I-did-this-I-wish-I-told-him-that kind.

It was a fairly beautiful day. It was definitely the calm before the storm. I may or may not have thought about it before I went to bed that night; I still think about it now. | elle