#eccentric professor bob

[bobfloydsbabe]

burning flames | eccentric professor!bob floyd x oc

a gold rush fic

SUMMARY: A heated argument reaches a fever pitch for Bob and his TA.

WARNINGS: academia au, enemies to lovers (if you squint), age gap (mid-to-late 20s/late 30s), power imbalance, mutual jealousy, SMUT (fingering), bob being grumpy and rude. strictly 18+/minors dni.

WORD COUNT: 2.3k

GOLD RUSH MASTERLIST

JOIN THE TAGLIST (new form–please sign up again if you haven't already)

SPECIAL THANKS to @cherrycola27 for letting me rant about professor bob and for sending thots when i ask for them. you're a real one.

A/N: very loosely inspired by the song style by taylor swift for the wonderful @laracrofted's 1989TGM writing celebration. this was supposed to be a mob boss bob fic, but that made me cry, so i switched gears and now here we are. i'm sorry this is so late, ames. enjoy!

“That’s all we have time for today. You’re dismissed.” He closes his book and listens to the sound of laptop lids being shut, chairs scraping against the old wooden floor, and chatter amongst his students. It’s a sound he’ll never tire of, no matter how long he teaches.

One sound is distinctly different, though. The sound of her voice. Sweet and soft. Lifting his eyes, he sees her talking to one of his students. Mike something. He can’t quite remember, but she laughs and puts her hand on his arm, making Bob clench his jaw.

Another student, Alicia, comes to his desk to talk about the upcoming assignment and what she can do to improve her grade. Normally, he would tell her to make an appointment at his office, but then Imogen laughs again, making heady eyes at that Mike guy, and he decides he has all the time in the world to talk to Alicia.

He tries to pay attention to his student, to answer her questions, and even tries to smile, but he can feel Imogen looking at him out of the corner of her eye. Her dark gaze is intense and sets his skin on fire in a way he’s been trying to ignore for weeks.

“So,” he hears Mike say. “What are your plans this weekend?”

Bob freezes. He lets his eyes wander over to Imogen, who’s still smiling. Next to him, Alicia is still talking, but her voice is far away and barely audible as he focuses on his assistant.

“I’m revising my dissertation proposal,” she tells him. “They rejected the last one for being too broad, so I have to narrow it down.”

Bob’s on that committee and strongly disagreed, but other members outnumbered him and he was forced to dissent. Dr. Kazansky had given her the news, and Bob remembers the heartbroken look in her eyes when she came to his office afterward. He’d wanted to comfort her then.

“Too busy to have dinner with me?”

Bob straightens his back, eyes still trained on Imogen as he dismisses Alicia, telling her to make an appointment if she wishes to discuss things further.

She mutters a thank you and scurries away. Imogen opens her mouth to answer, but Bob interrupts, certain he doesn’t want to hear the answer she’ll likely provide to this Mike character.

“Miss Van Doren,” he says, barely recognizing the hardness in his own voice. “My office. Now.”

He doesn’t wait for her to respond, but gathers his books and leaves the lecture hall without a glance back to see if she’s following. It doesn’t take long for him to hear her marching footsteps behind him, so he leaves the door open for her.

She slams it shut, so it rattles on the hinges.

“What is your problem?”

She’s furious. Nostrils flared, heavy breathing, and a delicious flush paints her cheeks pink.

“My problem?” he asks, placing the books on his desk. “What’s your problem?”

She drops her bag to the floor and crosses her arms in front of her chest. The gold necklace with her initial catches in the light, drawing his eyes down.

“I don’t have a problem,” she insists, taking a step toward him. “But you constantly berating me is getting old.”

He says nothing. He can’t. Not when she’s looking at him like she wants to wring his neck. Not when all the blood in his body is racing south, and he’s trying not to look at her legs, but they are on full display in that tight little skirt she’s wearing. Again.

He swears she’s doing it on purpose to rile him up.

He hates that it’s working.

She takes a deep breath, pushing her shoulders back, and looks up into his eyes. He’s always found hers unsettling, like she sees the parts of him he’s been hiding for decades.

“I know you don’t want me here, Dr. Floyd,” she says, gesturing around his office, making her short skirt even shorter, revealing more of her supple thighs. “You’ve made that abundantly clear, but you could at least show me the courtesy of not undermining me every time I talk to students.”

He frowns. “I don’t undermine you.”

She scoffs, gaze leaving him as her frustration fills the room. “You interrupted my conversation with Michael not five minutes ago,” she argues as her eyes find his again. Dark brown meeting ocean blue.

He steps forward, eyes wandering over every inch of her exposed skin, making his head spin with barely contained desire. “It was an inappropriate conversation.”

“He asked about my dissertation.”

Bob shakes his head. “No, he asked you out.”

“So what?” she throws her hands out to the side, exasperation turning into full-blown anger now. “He’s been trying to ask me out for weeks, but you always manage to interrupt. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you do it on purpose.”

He freezes. His heart’s beating painfully in his chest and his face feels like it’s on fire. There may even be steam coming out of his ears.

He watches Imogen run her hands through her hair, pulling at the roots, and he truly wishes she wouldn’t. It’s conjuring up very vivid images in his head that he shouldn’t have of his teaching assistant.

She looks at him expectantly, thinking an answer is going to come, but it doesn’t. He doesn’t know how to respond to that in a way that’ll make sense to her. It barely even makes sense to himself.

“He doesn’t deserve you,” Bob says finally.

She scoffs. “Yeah, well, he treats me better than you do, and I know that’s a really low bar, but it’s better than—”

Bob crashes his lips against hers, swallowing the gasp she emits. For a moment nothing happens, and for a second he thinks he’s made a grave mistake, but then Imogen’s arms circle around his waist and she sighs against his mouth. 

He walks her backward until her back hits the wall behind his desk, and he presses her against it, trying to get closer.

He pulls away a few inches to look at her. Cheeks flushed, hair a little out of place, and pupils dilated. She’s never looked more delectable, and he knows she can feel his hard cock against her hip. He doesn’t care.

Taking a deep breath, her eyes search his face for something, but it’s unclear whether she finds it. “Why did you do that?”

Her voice is barely above a whisper. There’s no hint of regret, but the rational part of him knows this is a bad idea. He’s her superior, after all.

“You wouldn’t shut up.”

“So you kissed me?” she asks with an adorable wrinkle between her brows.

He frowns. Now sure he’s misjudged the situation, Bob leans back and squares his shoulders, letting his hands fall away from her neck.

“Oh no,” she tuts and grabs a handful of his sweater, pulling him back in. “Get back here.” She stands on her tiptoes and captures his mouth with her own, tongue dancing at the seam of his lips for entry.

He doesn’t have to be told twice. He leans his weight against her, pushing her against the wall, and groans into her mouth when she tugs on his hair.

His hands travel down her body. Grazing across the swell of her breasts, into the dip of her waist, the hips that have occupied his thoughts for weeks, and finally, her thighs. His lips never leave hers, and his tongue explores her mouth and the taste of mint that lingers from her toothpaste.

Imogen shudders as his fingertips tickle the back of her knees, whimpering at the touch.

His hands slide up the back of her bare thighs, feeling her soft skin under his palms. She moans into his mouth and it’s the most arousing sound he’s ever heard. He can’t help the roll of his hips, desperate for friction, for relief, for something warmer than his own hand.

His hands travel up under her skirt, feeling the plumpness of her ass in his hands make him push against her again and she’s meeting him with her own movement.

“Professor,” she moans, as he trails wet kisses along her throat, running his tongue over the skin afterward.

He hums, kneading her ass-cheeks, growing harder as he rocks against her. Even separated by layers of fabric, the friction is enough to drive him mad.

“Dr. Floyd,” she says, pulling his hair hard enough that his lips detach from her throat. Her pupils are wide and hungry, mirroring his own, and their heavy breaths mix in arousing unison. “I’m still mad at you.”

A smug smirk spreads across his face. “I know,” he says and removes one hand from her ass. He uses it to brush a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “Don’t go out with him.”

“Why not?”

“Because I can’t stop thinking about you.”

The words hang in the air. Bob keeps one hand on the side of her neck while the other remains under her skirt, playing with the edge of her panties. He holds her gaze, waiting for her to make the next move. To tell him where she stands, what she wants.

He sees the moment she decides, the corner of her mouth turning upward just enough to be a smile.

“Show me.”

Yanking her panties to the side, his fingertips glide along her folds, feeling her already soaking for him. Her mouth forms a perfect o as she gasps, and he wonders what else that pretty and vicious mouth can do.

Her fingers curl into the hair at his nape, gasping when he finds her clit. “So pretty like this,” he whispers, kissing the underside of her jaw.

“Professor,” she whimpers. “Please.”

“Come on,” he says, leaning back to watch her. Her brown doe eyes have gone dark with hunger and desire, arousal clear from the bead of sweat on her temple, and his cock is so hard he’s about to go insane. Yet, he still leans in close, his lips featherlight against her ear and whispers “moan for me.”

He leans back just in time to catch the look in her eyes when he presses his thumb against her clit and she lets herself moan. Louder than he expected, so his hand flies over her mouth, keeping her quiet, but feeling her smile beneath his palm.

His thumb massages her clit while his index finger finds her entrance, warmth begging him to enter. Bob meets Imogen’s eyes, asking without saying the words because he doesn’t trust either of them to keep their voices down.

Her nod sends him to heaven.

She moans into his hand as his finger slides inside her. He’s hot all over, groaning into her neck at the sensation of her. “So fucking tight,” he mumbles against her skin, making her clench around him.

Tightening her arms around his shoulders, she whimpers against his palm, and her hips meet his motions as he pumps his finger inside her. Her juices spread across his hand, and before long, he adds a second finger.

His office fills with the sounds of heavy breathing, muffled moans from Imogen, and barely contained groans from himself. He can feel her getting close, her legs trembling, struggling to stay upright. Leaning his forehead against hers, he removes his hand from her mouth. “Quiet,” he mutters against her lips.

She nods as she kisses him, open-mouthed and desperate, and his thumb draws tight circles on her clit as he angles his fingers against that spot inside her. She’s there. He knows it. “Good girl,” he whispers. “Cum for me.”

She does. Gushes around his fingers, writhing in his arms. He guides her through her high, holding her against the wood-paneled wall behind her. Her head falls against his shoulder as she comes down, and a long whine escapes her throat as he withdraws his fingers.

Leaning back to give her a little space, he takes in her unkempt hair, swollen lips, and the breathtaking pink flush in her cheeks. Her eyes flick down to his hand, then turn to the very obvious bulge in his slacks.

“I–”

She takes his hand, the one with fingers covered in her cum, and brings it to her lips. Keeping her eyes locked on his, she closes her mouth around his digits, swirling her tongue around them, tasting herself. He’s entranced, can’t stop watching her when she hums as if it’s the most delicious meal she’s ever had.

She withdraws his fingers with a pop, letting his hand fall back at his side. They stay there, looking at each other, processing what just happened between them. Not only is she his teaching assistant, but he’s on her dissertation committee. He has power and influence, and while she’s not his student, he is her superior.

“I…” he tries again, but trails off.

She smirks, squaring her shoulders. “Close your mouth, Dr. Floyd,” she says and sidesteps him, adjusting her skirt. “You’re too smart to be a mouth breather.”

She crosses the office, gathering her bag from the floor where she dropped it, and he gets a peek at her panties as she bends over. White lace. His slacks have never felt tighter.

Unsure what to say or do, he stands there watching while Imogen tries to make her hair look presentable. “Alright,” she mumbles after a minute. “See you tomorrow.”

The door closes behind her, leaving Bob in his office, surrounded by books, paper, a chessboard, a laptop he’s forced to own, and the memory of his TA coming undone on his fingers.

There’s only one word to describe the situation he now finds himself in.

“Fuck.”

likes are nice, but reblogs and comments are golden

TAGLIST: @roosterforme, @kmc1989, @bradshawsbaby, @cherrycola27, @wkndwlff, @yanna-banana, @bluezraven, @fandom-princess-forevermore, @hangmandruigandmav, @keyrani, @just-in-case-iloveyou, @solo-pitstop-vibes, @yuckosworld, @have-a-nice-day-k, @writingshae, @the-whitegirl-is-back, @dizzydisaster, @floydsmuse

#1989TGM #bob floyd #bob floyd smut #bob floyd x oc #robert bob floyd #robert floyd #robert floyd x oc #bob floyd fic #top gun maverick #tgm fic #lewis pullman #eccentric professor bob #professor bob #oc: imogen van doren #otp: bob x imogen #fic: gold rush #helenawrites #helena writes #mywriting #writtenbyme #madebyme #enjoy darlings #this is the first time i'm posting like actual smut in an actual fic #i'm nervous

[bradshawsbaby]

Bob & Imogen from gold rush by @bobfloydsbabe ✨

#helena i hope i did them justice #i just love them so much #bob x imogen #bob floyd #bob floyd x oc #eccentric professor bob #bradshawsbaby mood board #lewis pullman

[ryebecca]

"You may not want me here, Dr. Floyd,” she begins through clenched teeth, forcing him to look up. She holds his gaze, determination and a hint of defiance in those dark doe eyes. “But you’re stuck with me. So, I’ll be back tomorrow and we can start over. Have a good day." - Gold Rush, by @bobfloydsbabe 📚🍁✨ | (eccentric professor!Bob Floyd)

#tgmedit #bob floyd imagine #robert bob floyd imagine #bob floyd #robert bob floyd #top gun: maverick #lewis pullman #*myedit #*mymoodboard #eccentric professor!bob has my entire heart helena!

[laracrofted]

Blow the poppers, it's a NYE celebration!! ✨🪩

Love, love, love this idea and have so many blogs/fics I want to call out! As someone relatively new to this fandom it's been such a joy immersing myself in so much talent and some of the kindest people I've come across on the internet.

Fics/blogs I love and want to give the biggest smooch to for 2024:

@withahappyrefrain's Behave truly had me in a chokehold (haha punny) and I can never go back. Plus cute doggo pics!

@ohtobeleah's Vice is the gift that gives and gives and one of the fics that got me back into writing. The grazing boards and funny commentary are also gems.

@bobgasm's Kingpin is literally the bee's knees, I cannot get enough of Mob!Bob. Or of Steph's edits (although some may haunt me forever).

@bradshawsbitch's Son of a Preacher Man is one of the most beautiful fics, we live for Preacher!Rhett. Always happy to see Alex in my notifs!

@lewmagoo's Million Dollar Man is one of the best Rhett fics, it scratches a part of my brain and I could read a whole book specifically of MDM Rhett. Plus Leah gets the Lew brainrot!

@sebsxphia I can't even narrow down which of Seb's fics I loved most this year, we were blessed with quality content! Such a sweet presence in this fandom with the best drabbles.

@creatchie8's Yellow Soul is so, so good, between the tension, smut, and Perry Abbott slander. The way I become so immersed in the world is a treat!

@roosterforme's Old Habits Die Hard has made me into a Bradley girlie and I'm not even sorry. I've even started the sequel! She provides us so much free content every week, and is so funny, we are so lucky!

@ryebecca has THE best moodboards, I swear every single one I reblog and tag #moodboards i love. Because I love them all! If I had to choose, the Bob D&D board makes me giddy.

@bobfloydsbabe's Eccentric Professor Bob is incredible and I love him and I cannot wait for the next update! Helena is also the sweetest!

@sailor-aviator also got me on the Bradley train with her Tarzan!Bradley. It's hard not to fall in love with how endearingly Liz writes her characters!

So many other incredible fics out there, but pretty sure I've hit the character limit on asks 😂 so blessed to be in a fandom that continually kills it!

♥️

one thing i've discovered in this positivity night is that asks apparently don't have a character limit anymore ??? but you listed so many amazing authors, and i really have to second son of a preacher man (@bradshawsbitch), yellow soul (@creatchie8), and million dollar man (@lewmagoo). such great rhett fics!

end of the year positivity night 💌

#end of the year celly

[hetalia-club]

Been fooling around with a College Professor AU

Here’s what I got tell me what you guys think. (Their name is what students call them btw)

Prof. Feliciano or just Feliciano (North Italy) Teaches: Fine Arts A really fun teacher. You’re allowed to drink, eat. He doesn’t think students should have to raise their hands to talk and encourages people to just shout answers out at him whoever can answer first will get a piece of candy or something. You can really do anything. All that he asks is you do the assignments he gives which are normally pretty fun and hands on. You will never have to write a single paper in this class mostly because he doesn’t want to grade it. He’s a very eccentric guy and there is really nothing about him to hate as a teacher unless you really like a boring class. Every time you set foot in his class something new will happen. Sometimes you will watch Bob Ross videos. Other times you will be watching him paint a master piece. Or he will have the class paint or sculpt. Regardless of what he assigns you can be that it will be a lot of fun.

Prof. Vargas (South Italy) Teaches: Art History and Architecture He has a select few people in his class he actually likes. He’s known for having a temper and hates stupid questions. You can eat in his class so long if you give him some. He has been known to assign 15 page reports and threaten that it is a “huge part of your midterm” and make students stress over it and when he grades it, it will just be participation. A lot of people don’t like him but if you’re one of his favorites then you can get away with just about anything. But if you happen to find him outside of class he will be a complete different person. He’s even been known to buy his students drinks or pay for their meals if he seems them out in a restaurant.

Professor Beilschmidt or Herr Beilschmidt (Germany) Teaches: German It is a no nonsense classroom. You don’t speak unless you are called on. You don’t ask questions until he’s done talking and you will hand in all of your assignments on time or it is a big fat 0 no exceptions. He doesn’t care if you were hit by a car. If you found the time to email him and tell him you should of had the time to do the assignment. Huge assignments ever single class. The man really likes to grade essays. He’s not a mean teacher so long as you don’t get under his skin. He is known for throwing chalk & erasers at people when they turn around in their seats. He has near perfect aim to and will always get you in the back of the head. (I gave him this trait because my German teacher in HS did this and I always thought it was funny. It didn’t hurt I want to make that clear)

Sargent Beilschmidt (Prussia) Teaches: Military Science He runs a pretty tight ship most of the time. Don’t you dare even think about eating or speaking out of turn. He will have random days where he does not feel like being a teacher and he will just put on a historical military movie or a documentary and he’ll take a nap or read a book. He doesn’t give out many assignments just some random huge ones throughout the year.

Professor Honda (Japan) Teaches: History of Asia He’s a very quiet teacher. That is very literal. The class has to be dead silent to even hear what he is saying. Taking his class requires a lot of note taking. He goes through curriculum fast. Start a chapter on Monday and taking a test on Friday fast. Granted if you do all of the many assignments he gives and take good notes which he will let you use on tests then you will pass his class with flying colors. He is good about answering questions and will even keep his door unlocked so students can come in after class to ask things. He’s got major favorite teacher vibes because he’s such a chill guy.

Mister Jones, Prof. Alfred, Doc, hey you (will respond to anything)(America) Teaches: Astronomy and Aero Space Engineering (Rocket science) If you have him as a teacher he is probably your favorite. He has a vending machine in his class room.  This may be college but you best believe he will be wheeling in the TV to watch ancient aliens where he will debunk what is being said the entire time. He gives like no homework. He has no problems getting people to attend class. He has a problem with getting people to leave his class. Students that don’t even have him as a teacher come in on their days off just to hang out with him in his class. His students are always bringing him gifts and snacks. He will organize extra credit meet ups where students can meet him somewhere to stargaze. If you don’t do an assignment you can just be honest with him and tell him “Yeah I just didn’t feel like doing it yesterday” and he’ll say something like. “Hey that’s cool just do it before the end of the week and email it to me”

Dr. Braginski or Professor Braginski (He’s not picky over the Doctor Title) (Russia) Teaches: Chemical Engineering & Chemistry He’s actually a really nice teacher. He just doesn’t do well with leveling with the students. He won’t extend deadlines on assignments. He has a really high grade curve and he expects everyone to be as smart as he is. Most of his classes consist of labs and he doesn’t really like grading papers that much so he won’t assign many but when he does they are 20 page requirements and worth over half your grade. Students who have him for a couple of years learn his personality and start to understand him and he becomes a favorite. But first and second years tend to think he’s mean and crabby. But once they grasp the dry humor and sarcasm they start to like him. Still though even if he’s your favorite teacher don’t push him and think that means that you can blow off classes with no excuse and assignments because he will make sure you have extra homework assigned and push you harder your next class.

Professor Kirkland or Sir (England) Teaches: English Language Arts He tries to make his class fun but his idea of fun is writing a 12 page analysis over Romeo and Juliet. He’s known for being very sarcastic and a bit moody. You never know how his personality will be when you walk into his class. He could be your favorite teacher that day and leave you wondering ‘Hm why do I hate him so much again?’ and then the next day you will leave his class and think ‘Oh yeah that’s why’. He is under the impression that he is the favorite teacher out of everyone on campus though for some reason. His end of the year project is legendary for being brutal. He requires each of his students to write an entire novel. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have an idea for one or don’t have the time. That is the assignment and you will do it and do it well or you will fail the entire class. His class is so difficult and stressful a lot of students drop it in the first week. But if you stick with it you’ll get a ton of learning done.

Professor Francis (France) Teaches: Cinematography and Film Studies His class involves a lot of movie watching which makes since for the classes he teaches. You have to be a major film buff to enjoy this class because everything he will want to talk about will be related to class and film. It’s clearly his passion and all he really cares about. The types of films you watch will be French independent films that make zero sense but he seems to think they make perfect sense and he will leave it up to you to figure it out. Granted if you don’t like analyzing movies you are in the wrong classes in his defense. His classes can feel repetitive since ever class is ‘watch movie, analyze, write paper’ then you just repeat that the next class. But at least students know what they are walking into. He has a reputation for flirting with his students as well so that makes him popular with some.

Professor Yao, Mr. Yao (China) Teaches: Mandarin Now here is a student favorite. He’s so popular because of how relaxed his class is. He will often make big meals and bring it in for his class to eat while they work. He will put on movies in Mandarin some days and the class can just watch and listen. The only problem with him as a teacher is he really likes grading homework so there will be a lot of it. Maybe too much for a language class. But if you pay attention to him and do all the work you will be fluent as a native speaker by the time you are out of college. He is known for having some out bursts. But that is part of what makes him so loveable. He yells at students a lot but it never feels hateful. It can be hard to get used to but once you’ve had him for a year you’ll love him. He has students hanging around his class way after it’s let out just talking about sports and anything and everything.

#hetalia #hws italy #hws germany #hws romano #hws prussia #hws japan #hws russia #hws america #hws england #hws france #hws china #feliciano vargas #ludwig beilschmidt #gilbert beilschmidt #kiku honda #alfred f. jones #ivan braginski #artur kirkland #yao wang #francis bonnefoy #original

[sunlightmurdock]

in my mind professor Bradley and eccentric professor Bob by @bobfloydsbabe work at the same university (the decades separating them be damned). Do you think they’d be besties or hate each other’s guts?

They would absolutely hate each other’s guts. Professor Bradley can be kind of arrogant, but he’s also got quite a laid back approach to his teaching — he’s a cool professor until you piss him off.

And like Helena said in her response, Bob is very particular about the way he likes things and even though their paths definitely would cross, I don’t think it would be in a good way. Bradley’s definitely stealing resources from Bob’s room because he forgot to plan ahead and get his own and it almost starts WW3 across the humanities department.

#professor bradley #bradley bradshaw #bradley rooster bradshaw

[withahappyrefrain]

You know what? I’m back. Someone deserves their very own of these, and that’s @ryebecca!

Rebecca is one of the sweetest people I have come across in this fandom. She creates the most beautiful and aesthetically pleasing moodboards, and she always manages to hit the nail on the head for the vibe she’s going on. Her librarian!Bob moodboard is what inspired me to write a fic featuring him. It’s our shared universe. Recently, we’ve been talking a lot about Eccentric (and grumpy) Professor Bob Floyd, and we’re on the exact same page with him. Rebecca’s kindness knows no bounds, and she truly deserves so much more recognition than she gets.

Yes!!! Rebecca is so kind and supportive and encouraging. Her moodboards are amazing and she does deserve more recognition than she gets!!!

She is also so supportive, whether it's about fandom stuff or personal stuff. I love how she always has a recipe to share with me ♥️♥️

#positivity night

[high-speed-r]

Seeing Calvin give a lecture is fueling my need to read @bobfloydsbabe’s Eccentric Professor!Bob fic

#he’s just it for me #hot teacher man #lewis pullman #robert bob floyd #lessons in chemistry #calvin evans

[windermeresimblr]

Off The Beaten Track...

In the village’s Whale Museum, there is a secret exhibit only the locals know about, hidden behind a plain-looking door.

It’s common knowledge that part of the museum’s endowment came from the wealthy and eccentric Professor K., who passed away fifty years ago from an infected insect sting in Selvadorada. What is not common knowledge is that his endowment had strings attached--his estate’s support for the museum hinges upon the display of certain specimens he collected. 

These specimens were not butterflies, which Professor K. had a passionate interest in throughout his life. Nor were they pinnipeds, cetaceans, or other sea animals. They weren’t even prodigiously sized lobsters he had rescued from a grocery store.

Instead, they were a life-size Jenny Hanniver “ningyo” that may or may not have been made from human bones, and some bizarre piece of flesh bobbing listlessly in a container of preservatives. 

The museum director had barely picked her jaw off the floor before Professor K.’s daughters (through their attorneys) contacted her and agreed that the specimens were not within the Whale Museum’s collection policy. As long as the specimens remained available for those who truly wished to see them, they allowed them to be removed from the main exhibit area. 

For those who have a taste for the macabre, if you ask the museum curators nicely...admission to the K. Collection is an extra twenty Simoleons and can only be permitted through the director’s approval. No cameras or other recording devices are allowed. 

Credits

World (x) | Lighting Mod (x) | Whale Museum (x) | Skeleton (x) | Glowing Vat (x) | Floating Oddity (x) | Photoshop Actions 1 (x) and 2 (x)

Inspiration

“Mermaid Saga” (or the one volume mysteriously in my high school library) | “Mermaids: The Body Found” (which gave me the heebie-jeebies) | Tripping over Severinka’s mermaid-themed backdrop while I was drinking my coffee and planning something completely different

​

#sims 3 magical realism

[silent-dragon]

I saw your post about staff ocs and i wanna pop in with my NRC ocs :)c i have substitute alchemy teacher Gertrude , art teacher Jon and woodworks teacher Gary! I'm curious on how any of your staff would get along with them? :0c

Gretude and my staff oc Johnathan would get along i believe so at 1st. He pretty narcissistic & sarcastically rude to deserving ppl often. He also likes to annoy Divus. Even if she rude to him he appreciate her ways and admire. Also may try to flirt 1 or 30 times..

Jon and Magaska would get along cause animal love! Plus both are eccentric tho Magaska is trying to learn new things since he from ancient place. I can see Jon sketching Magaska's little assistant mouse Sage to and they could study the animals around the outside of the campus too on off days. Also Magaska would like to learn how to draw.

Also Jon and Johnathan are both art professors. Johnathan is a oil/classical art painter and just does naturescapes.(bob ross type xD) Johnathan respects all other painters so he never be rude to him and often want to speak to him or listen to Jon speak about stuff.

I think Gary would be liked by Admetos,my dark summoning professor and twins Snake & Viper,ancient curses/magic professors. They are pretty dark themed and Admetos is a underworld dog demon,the twins are nagas. These 3 would adore Gary attitude for sure even if they receive it to. The twins would want to touch his claws so bad they tend to be so curious and Snake always thinking of bad schemes. Admetos would just overally like him and be a dog excited to see Gary and follow him around abit trying to see what he is up to.

Sorry this reply so long im bad at short talk & i got so many ideas i didn't write i hope these answer your question. I love your ocs so much thank you for showing me them. 💞

Ack im so sorry this is long i love my staff ocs and others with them so much i never get to talk about them so this was so wonderful to me 😭🙇🏿🥺❤

#asks #will add oc tags later

[bobfloydsbabe]

yours | eccentric professor!bob floyd x oc

a gold rush fic

SUMMARY: Professor Bob is working on his next book when Imogen comes home and suggests they try something new.

WARNINGS: academia au, age gap (mid 20s/late 30s), power imbalance, SMUT, cockwarming, unprotected p in v, dirty talk, praise, possessive bob, discussion of birth control and protection, intimacy, and a little fluff. strictly 18+/minors dni.

WORD COUNT: 1.2k

PROFESSOR BOB MASTERLIST

JOIN THE TAGLIST

SPECIAL THANKS to @up-thereinthesky for the Lew pic and to @attapullman who sent in this delicious ask that set my horny little brain on fire. What was supposed to be a short blurb took on a life of its own, so here we are. Thank you for loving Bob and Imogen as much as I do. Enjoy ✨

He’s sitting at his desk, staring at the blank document on his laptop, when he hears the front door open and close.

He smiles to himself as her stomping footsteps get closer. She’d never survive as a spy with those heavy footfalls.

“Hey,” she says when she appears in the doorway to his office. “You still at it?”

He hums, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Getting nowhere.” 

“Maybe you should take a break,” she suggests and crosses the room, placing her ass right in his lap.

“Perhaps I should,” he agrees and presses his lips to her shoulder. “How was lunch with your parents?”

She scoffs. “A disaster,” she mutters, snaking her arms around his neck, and presses her forehead against his temple. “I don’t know why I expected it to go well. It never does.”

He squeezes her waist, turning his head so their lips can meet. It starts off slow and sweet, a little lazy, just kissing because they can. He’s so lost in her, he barely notices when his cock hardens.

She grins into their kiss. “Someone’s excited to see me,” she mumbles against his lips.

“Just ignore it and kiss me.”

He means it. He doesn’t want to start something when she’s just come home from a bad meeting and he’s supposed to be working on his next book.

She does as he says and keeps kissing him, but after a minute, she pulls away. He sees her eyes dart down to his growing erection.

She looks almost shy when her eyes meet his again. “Do you want me to keep you warm?”

He gapes a little. “Are you asking if you can cockw–”

“Cockwarm you, yes,” she finishes for him, and he detects no hint of joking in her tone.

“Baby,” he whispers, placing his palm against the back of her head. “I’d never ask you to do something you’re uncomfortable with.”

She frowns, lips pursed in an adorable pout. “I’m not uncomfortable,” she insists. “I want to.”

“I don’t have a condom.”

She shakes her head. “We don’t need one.” He opens his mouth to argue, but she beats him to it. “I have an IUD, and you’re the only person I’ve been with.”

“Baby, are you sure?” He’s stroking her hair even as she nods.

“Okay,” he agrees and kisses her lips.

She slides off his lap. He rids himself of his joggers and boxers, and strokes his cock to full hardness while Imogen slips her black panties off. She tosses them aside and they land on his laptop keyboard.

As she climbs back in his lap, a sudden thought strikes him. “I don’t have lube either,” he says, trying not to sound disappointed. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Smirking, she reaches for his free hand and guides it to her pussy. “Not a problem, Professor.”

She’s already soaking for him.

He holds back a groan as he runs his fingers up and down her folds a few times. He pulls back, looks into her dark doe eyes, and sees love reflected back at him.

He loves her. She loves him.

“You ready?” The hand that isn’t holding on to the base of his cock snakes around her body and rests on her ass.

She nods. “I’m ready.”

She rises to her knees, and he guides his cock to her entrance. They moan into each other’s mouths as his tip slips inside, but then she hisses and Bob’s eyes shoot open.

“You okay?”

"Yeah," she assures him, but her face contorts into a tight grimace. “You’re big.”

He smiles, a breathy chuckle escaping as he leans forward, brushing his lips against her cheek. “I know, baby,” he mutters. “Take your time.”

She nods, biting her lip as she sinks further down on his cock. “Mmm, feel so full.”

“I know,” he repeats. “You’re taking me so well, keeping me nice and warm.”

Stifling a moan, she tightens her grip on his hair. “Keep talking,” she whispers.

“So good for me,” he mumbles, groaning as she slides even further down his cock. “So fucking tight, so warm.” She’s whimpering now. “Almost there, baby. You can do it. My good girl.”

Then their hips come flush with each other, and he’s seated all the way inside her. 

Even though she said it was fine, he can tell she’s feeling the stretch. Bob always makes sure to prep her to take him, and often they don’t need lube, but right now he sure wishes they had. He doesn’t like the face she’s pulling.

Leaning forward, he kisses her lips gently. “You did so good, baby,” he assures her.

It’s quiet when the tension leaves her body, and she sighs deeply into his mouth. His fingertips run up and down her spine, and she shudders at the sensation.

They stay like that, foreheads pressed together. Skin to skin in the most intimate way possible, pieces of a puzzle that fit perfectly together.

“How was lunch with your parents?”

She jerks back, a deep dent between her brows. “You really want to talk about my parents while you’re inside me?”

He can’t help the chuckle that passes his lips. “I never want to talk about your parents,” he explains. “But you came home from lunch upset.”

She sighs, rests her head in the crook of his neck. “They asked me to break up with you.”

He hums, not surprised in the least. After almost a year of being together, you would think her parents would give up and just accept it, but they haven’t. Bob knows they likely never will.

“Hey,” he mutters, making her raise her head to meet his eyes. “I love you. You know that, right?”

Unexpectedly, or perhaps not entirely, she clenches around him. “Fuck, baby,” he groans into her neck. “Don’t do that or this won’t be cockwarming anymore.”

“Maybe it was an excuse to get you inside me,” she says, her tone sounding a little too innocent. She leans down and her lips graze against his ear. “Maybe I just wanted your cock.”

He lifts his head as his hands travel down her spine. “Oh, yeah?”

She nods, biting her bottom lip with her doe-like eyes wide and innocent, as if she isn’t greedy for him, and he’s sure she’ll be the death of him.

Grasping her ass, he plants his feet solidly on the ground and thrusts up into her. He revels in the sound that escapes her, gasp turning into a breathy moan as her fingers scrape across his scalp.

“Do it again,” she whines, eyes closed in pleasure and pussy holding him in a vice grip. “Fuck me, Professor. Make me yours.”

“Open your eyes,” he demands. “Look at me.”

She does, pupils wide with desire and desperation, a delicious flush rapidly spreading across her cheeks and down the column of her throat.

“You are mine,” he growls, punctuating the statement with another deep thrust. “All mine.”

likes are nice, but reblogs and comments are golden

TAGLIST: @attapullman, @bobgasm, @joaquinwhorres, @kmc1989, @bcarolinablr, @cremebruleequeen, @xoxabs88xox, @auroraseddie, @roosterforme, @bluezraven, @sio-ina-bottle, @bradshawsbaby, @sweetwhispersofchaos, @fandom-princess-forevermore, @keyrani, @cherrycola27, @just-in-case-iloveyou, @seitmai, @solo-pitstop-vibes, @millieb-3199, @hangmandruigandmav, @sebsxphia

#bob floyd #robert bob floyd #robert floyd #bob floyd fic #bob floyd x oc #bob floyd smut #robert bob floyd fic #robert floyd fic #eccentric professor bob #professor bob #oc: imogen van doren #otp: bob x imogen #fic: gold rush #helena writes #mywriting #writtenbyme #madebyme #made by me #lewis pullman

[tundraglitch]

Totally Random: Why Nobody Understands Quantum Mechanics (A Serious Comic on Entanglement) – Book Review

The title of this book, as you can see above, is long as a chapter itself, so I’ll refer to it in this review more shortly as “Totally Random”. “Totally Random” has the ambitious intent of making Quantum Entanglement clear for everyone.

But what is Quantum Entanglement? If I can explain it without errors, you’ll have the proof the book works, so I’ll try my best.

Some quantum particles (photons or electron for example) can be induced in a state called “entanglement” in which their behavior is striclty correlated, they become like a single particle.

If you call your particles Alice and Bob, whatever thing Alice does, Bob seems to know instantly, even if they are separeted in space and cannot comunicate by any known mean, so if Alice and Bob were real people and not particles, if Alice is having tea for breakfast on Earth, then Bob is having tea for breakfast wherever he is, even on Jupiter. If Alice wakes up and wants an espresso with cocoa, well Bob wants the same (no matter if Bob prefers tea), and viceversa. The point is: if you observe Alice doing something, whenever you observe Bob you get the same result. Bob and Alice can also decide to do always the opposite thing of the other one, but the point is: they follow a pattern, they seem to communicate faster than light, but you all know that nothing in this universe can travel faster than light which is strictly equivalent to say “Nobody puts Einstein in a corner”.

Fundamentally quantum entanglement is simply the most puzzling thing in all quantum mechanics, the more exciting, the more promising and sometimes it seems really like magic. Many phyiscs have been fashinated by this phenomenon and the most important ones and their theories are illustrated in the book. The authors of “Totally Random” are father and child, namely Jeffrey Bub (a professor at the University of Maryland who studied physics with Bohm and philosophy with Popper) and Tanya Bub who got a degree in philosopy and studied art and had the courage to coauthor a book with her father (I suppose it isn’t easy to get the last word in such a scenario). The comic has a simple style, functional to the argument, so no fancy scenes Marvel-style with maybe a superhero Schrödinger and his loyal cat in a cape fighting with some kind of enemy, but the most important scientists of the field appear in the book, illustrating their different point of views about entanglement ( and yes, Schrödinger and his cat appear in the book, but not with a cape). The books tries to explain also important possible applications of entanglement like quantum teleportation or quantum cryptography. The most of the book is dedicated to explain Bell’s inequality: a mathematical theorem that shows that entanglement cannot be caused by any kind of rigging of the experiments and I think the authors do really a good job about it, explaining the correlation between quantum particles as the toss of Quoins, special coins correalted through a machine called Super Quantum Entangler PR01. The book is a very likeble read, but despite being funny, it has a very serious long list of references at the end, including the source of all the phrases attributed to scientists. I really enjoyed this reading: I saw a video about quantum entanglement and I got mesmerized by the idea of mysterious communication faster than light, and searched for list of books about it, one of which listed many university books and this comic. As any serious person raised with bread and comics would do, I choose the comic book as first read about the argument and I think I did well.

The book has page dedicated with extra material:

and a page on the publisher website:

#quantum entanglement #quantum physics #princento university publishing #comic books #bell's inequality #bell theorem #einstein #quantum cryptography #quantum teleportation #books #books and reading #physics #quantum mechanics #comic art #my readings #science

[kaelaklein8]

Cinematic Memories

Movie Chronicles-Movies I watched @ Ages

3-4:

Finding Nemo

Madeline

Stuart Little

Land Before Time

101 Dalmatians

10-13:

Greece

Aqua Marine

Secretariat

Spy Kids

Beethoven

14-17:

Interstellar

Ice Princess

Big Hero 6

The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl

Wolf of Wallstreet

19-25:

El Camino

Where The Crawdads Sing

Avatar

The Wrong Missy

The Kissing Booth

"Finding Nemo" is a beloved animated film that was released in the year 2003. Directed by Andrew Stanton, the movie became an instant classic in the world of animation. Andrew Stanton, known for his work with Pixar, brought his creative vision to life in this heartwarming underwater adventure.

The screenplay for "Finding Nemo" was written by Andrew Stanton himself, along with Bob Peterson and David Reynolds. Their collaboration resulted in a story that touched the hearts of both children and adults alike. The film's narrative revolves around Marlin, a clownfish voiced by Albert Brooks, who embarks on a journey across the vast ocean to find his lost son, Nemo, voiced by Alexander Gould. Along the way, they encounter a host of memorable characters, including Dory, a forgetful but endearing blue tang fish, brilliantly voiced by Ellen DeGeneres.

"Finding Nemo" made a significant splash at the box office, grossing over $940 million worldwide, making it one of the highest-grossing animated films of its time. Its critical acclaim, endearing characters, and heartwarming storyline contributed to its immense success, solidifying its place in the pantheon of animated classics. The film's impact extended beyond the box office, inspiring a generation of ocean enthusiasts and raising awareness about marine conservation.

"Secretariat" is a biographical sports drama film that was released in 2010. Directed by Randall Wallace, the movie tells the inspiring true story of the legendary racehorse Secretariat and his owner, Penny Chenery. Randall Wallace, known for his work on films like "Braveheart," brought this remarkable tale of determination and horse racing to the big screen.

The screenplay for "Secretariat" was written by Mike Rich, known for his work on other sports-themed films like "The Rookie" and "Miracle." The film stars Diane Lane as Penny Chenery, who inherits her father's struggling horse farm and goes on to raise and train Secretariat, one of the greatest racehorses in history. John Malkovich also plays a pivotal role as Lucien Laurin, the horse's eccentric and skilled trainer.

At the box office, "Secretariat" performed admirably, grossing approximately $60 million in the United States and Canada and around $37 million internationally, for a total worldwide box office of about $97 million. While it may not have been a massive blockbuster, the film resonated with audiences who were drawn to its powerful story of determination, family, and the incredible journey of Secretariat, who won the Triple Crown in 1973 and became a symbol of excellence in horse racing.

"Interstellar" is a visually stunning and thought-provoking science fiction film released in 2014. The movie was directed by Christopher Nolan, renowned for his work on mind-bending films such as "Inception" and "The Dark Knight Trilogy." With "Interstellar," Nolan delved into the realms of space exploration, time dilation, and the human spirit's indomitable drive to survive.

The screenplay for "Interstellar" was penned by Jonathan Nolan and Christopher Nolan. The film features an impressive ensemble cast, including Matthew McConaughey as Joseph Cooper, Anne Hathaway as Dr. Amelia Brand, Jessica Chastain as Murph, and Michael Caine as Professor John Brand. The supporting cast includes talented actors like Casey Affleck, John Lithgow, and Matt Damon, among others.

"Interstellar" garnered critical acclaim and achieved considerable box office success. It grossed over $677 million worldwide, making it one of the top-grossing films of 2014. The film's gripping narrative, stunning visual effects, and exploration of complex scientific concepts, such as the theory of relativity and the potential for interstellar travel, captivated audiences and sparked discussions about the nature of space, time, and the human condition. "Interstellar" remains a notable entry in the science fiction genre, appreciated for its ambition and intellectual depth.

"The Kissing Booth" is a romantic comedy film that was released in 2018. Directed by Vince Marcello, the movie is based on a novel of the same name by Beth Reekles. Vince Marcello, known for his work in teen-oriented films, brought the story of teenage romance and friendship to life on the screen.

The screenplay for "The Kissing Booth" was adapted by Vince Marcello himself, along with Jay Arnold. The film stars Joey King as the protagonist, Elle Evans, and Joel Courtney as her best friend, Lee Flynn. Jacob Elordi plays the role of Noah Flynn, Lee's older brother and Elle's love interest. The film also features Molly Ringwald as Lee and Noah's mother.

"The Kissing Booth" gained popularity on Netflix and became a sensation among teenagers and young adults. While it didn't have a traditional theatrical release, its online success and widespread viewership made it a noteworthy entry in the romantic comedy genre. As for box office figures, specific numbers are not available as it was primarily distributed through the Netflix streaming platform, but it undoubtedly reached a broad audience and contributed to the platform's growing influence in the world of film and entertainment.

Movies have an extraordinary power to transport us into different worlds, evoke emotions, and impact our lives. Yet, the significance of films often extends far beyond the screen. Through conversations with some of my friends and my twin sister, I embarked on a journey to explore the invisible threads that connect us to movies, examining how these cinematic experiences shape our identities, beliefs, and communities. In this blog, I will recount these conversations, highlighting key insights and reflecting on the profound influence of movies on our lives.

Finding Nemo, Secretariat, Interstellar, and The Kissing Booth are some of my favorite movies. I interviewed my twin sister for this assignment because I thought seeing if our memories synced would be cool. We both remember watching Finding Nemo at our grandparent's house in Florida. We watched Nemo over and over again and trip after trip. And we would stream in Giggy and PopPop's room on their big bed every time. WE BOTH HAD THE SAME MEMORY when I asked Teagan about the movie Secretariat. It was that our third-grade math teacher once walked Secretariat. And she also loved Interstellar. She only had positive reviews, and I thought the same.

When I think about these movies I remember How movies are a source of nostalgia, connecting us to our past and the cultural context of our upbringing. Revisiting beloved films from our childhood can evoke powerful emotions and create a sense of connection to our personal history.

movies are not just a form of entertainment; they are powerful cultural artifacts that subtly shape our values, beliefs, and identities. They have the capacity to foster empathy, challenge societal norms, and even drive social change. The impact of movies on our lives is often invisible but undeniably profound.

[laracrofted]

Hi, Ames! Thanks for hosting this NYE Celly! It’s so sweet! 🪩✨🥂

Here are a few creators that I wanted to send some shoutouts to:

@ryebecca is such a wonderful friend and an incredible mood board designer! I’d choose a favorite of her creations, but that’s an impossible task because each board is more spectacular than the last!

@sunlightmurdock has me in a chokehold with “The Odyssey.” Professor Bradley and a summer in Italy? What more could you ask for? I drop everything when I get a notification of a new chapter!

@attapullman and her Neighbor!Bob universe have me giggling and blushing and kicking my feet!

@sailor-aviator has gifted us with Tarzan!Bradley this year and I’m obsessed!

@bobfloydsbabe and Eccentric Professor Bob. Need I say more?

I also want to give a special shoutout to @na-ta-sh-aa for being one of the kindest and most supportive people in this fandom! Her comments and reblogs always bring such joy!

I hope 2024 is a wonderful year for all of us! ✨

- @bradshawsbaby 💕

yes, we always need more love for people who give amazing comments and reblogs! and i agree with literally every person on this list because yeah, what did we ever do without professor floyd and professor bradshaw? ✨ happy new year!

end of the year positivity night 💌

#end of the year celly

[rachelbethhines]

60 Years of Doctor Who Anniversary Marathon - T. Baker 12th Review

K-9: The Cambridge Spy - Spin Off 

Oh this was cute. 

This was really, really cute. 

So K-9 is a Doctor Who spin-off made for the Disney Chanel by the Australian Film Finance Corporation, or the FFC, staring the Doctor’s lovable pet robot dog K-9. Which means it’s debatable how official a spin-off it is. 

The BBC had no part in the production, but the series was spearheaded by K-9′s creator Bob Baker. It also featured John Leeson returning to the role. However that is where the connections to Who end. 

The premise is that a damaged K-9 falls through a portal built by an eccentric inventor, named Professor Gryffen, and lands on Earth in the year 2050. Gryffen works for a mysterious company called The Department, which is like a future version of Torchwood/UNIT type deal. 

Anyways Gryffen helps to rebuild/repair K-9, giving him a new body, but he no longer remembers his past. He stays with the Professor and helps The Department to stop invading aliens and such. 

But of course this is a kids show, so a bunch of precocious teens have to join in on the adventures. There’s Darius, Professor Gryffen’s assistant. Jorjie, whose mother also works for The Department and is Gryffen’s co-worker/boss. And Starkey, a previously homeless teen on the run from The Department whom Gryffen takes into his home. 

So there’s the basics down. 

The actual episode involves the Professor working on his portal device, which malfunctions and accidently sends Jorjie back in time to 1963. Apparently The Professor’s lab used to be a police station, and Jorjie is arrested for being a spy... coincidentally along with Darius’s great-great grandfather, thereby changing history and erasing Darius from the timeline. 

Therefore it’s up to Starkey and K-9 to rescue Jorjie and fix history, while the Professor and Jorjie’s mom have to work to keep the portal open. 

This is obviously a bottle episode in what is ultimately a cheap kid’s Saturday morning tv show. It’s almost nostalgic in it’s simple plots, corny jokes, hammy acting, and sets that are barely better than what a youtuber could cobble together on a 50 dollar budget. 

But... it’s a clever way to to do a bottle episode. 

It reuses the same sets, but in two different time periods; the past and the near future. There’s only the main cast, plus two extra guest actors, but sometimes the mains are playing doubles. And in the case of the main villain, his ancestor appearing here ties into the what I’m assuming is the overall on going plot.    

There’s of course some leaps in logic, and jokes you can see coming a mile away, but it’s just such a tight, simple plot and told so earnestly, that I can’t help but love it. 

If I had any real criticism is that the two time periods could have been fleshed out more. 2050 doesn’t look any different from then modern day 2010. While the 60s, are clearly referencing late 60s spy movies instead of the early 60s. 

In fact I really believe they only set the episode in 1963 for the obvious Doctor Who reference, but outside of that there’s nothing else here to connect this with An Unearthly Child. Not even a police man going on his patrol to Totters Lane, a real missed opportunity imo. 

Not that it really matter too much as most everyone is just dressed in policeman uniforms or business suits... meaning you could easily mistake this or the 1930s if it weren’t for the intentionally anachronistic flower child costume Jorjie wears.

But hey, it is what it is; a cheap kid’s show, but a fun show nonetheless. Based off this one episode I’m tempted to watch the entire series. Which is high praise indeed. 

#disney #doctor who #fourth doctor #Tom Baker #k-9 #classic who #new who

[disappointingyet]

Beach Party

Director William Asher Stars Annette Funicello, Robert Cummings, Frankie Avalon, Dorothy Malone  USA 1963 Language English, surfer 1hr 41mins Colour

It’s set on the beach and they have some parties

Back when I was about 10, I used to watch the Beach Party movies on TV. I hadn’t seen them since, and approached this with caution. Stuff that seems fun when you are a kid is not always what you dig when you’re older, after all. But (maybe because I had low expectations), I found Beach Party really enjoyable. 

In case you don’t know, this is the first in a successful series made by American International Pictures, the amazing independent production company led by the brilliantly named Samuel Z Arkoff that was responsible for I Was A Teenage Werewolf and distributed the original The Little Shop Of Horrors as well as the Roger Corman/Vincent Price/Edgar Allen Poe films, and later made biker flicks and stuff like The Trip.*

The formula for the Beach Party movies? Pretty young folk in swimming trunks/bikinis (as appropriate), pop music and some fairly basic, often slapstick, humour. And that’s mostly it – but AIP knew how to make snappy, watchable trash. 

The original has two intersecting main plots. The first involves Frankie (Frankie Avalon) and Dolores (Annette Funicello, the original former Mickey Mouse Club star to grow up and don a bikini) who arrive to spend the summer living on the beach. Frankie thinks they are going to be alone but Dolores – understanding what would be expected in that situation – has invited all their friends to crash with them. A blue-balled Frankie decides to get back at Dolores by flirting with other girls. 

Meanwhile, eccentric anthropologist Professor RO Sutwell (Robert Cummings) is spying on the kids using advanced surveillance equipment and building up courage to actually make contact with his subjects. He’s assisted by Marianne (Dorothy Malone), whose crush on her boss is blithely ignored. 

Days are spent on the beach, evenings often at a beatnik-vibed hang out called Big Daddy’s, where Dick Dale and The Del Tones, no less, are the house band. That’s also where the characters encounter a hapless (and rather aged) biker gang, who would also be regulars in the series. 

So that’s about it, plotwise. It’s basically a collection of daft but often endearing set pieces, culminating a huge bar brawl + pie fight, and to me that’s all you can ask. The music runs from not great to pretty good. The surfing close-ups are laughably in-the-studio, and the stuff that is actually people in the water is unspectacular by later standards. 

Although AIP were very much creating a teen-targeted product here, for this one, they balanced that with the two middle-aged stars. Bob Cummings was a familiar face to mainstream audiences, having had a couple of different eponymous sitcoms by this point. His rather random film career includes two Hitchcock films – Dial M For Murder (he’s the guy Grace Kelly is having the affair with) and Saboteur – plus the absolute batshit noir The Chase.

Dorothy Malone’s career highlights were also a long way from exploitation comedy – her final film was Basic Instinct and she was the second female lead (behind Lauren Bacall) in the Douglas Sirk classic Written On The Wind. But maybe her key contribution to cinema is the role simply billed as ‘Acme Bookstore Proprietress’ in The Big Sleep – when old-fashioned critics claim that movies were more sexually charged when filmmakers were not allowed to show anything but relied on talking and chemistry, this is what they mean.

As for Annette and Frankie, what never occurred to me before is this: surfing (and Californian beach culture in general) is so associated with ultra-blondeness, but AIP opted for this distinctly Italian-American pair. Sure, they were both already stars – not only was Avalon a regular on the pop charts, he’d appeared with John Wayne in The Alamo. But still, I think it’s interesting choice. 

I’m not going to argue that Beach Party is anything other than cheap and cheerful. But I wasn’t bored for a second, and that’s not a small achievement. A surprisingly enduring pleasure.  *The 1967 Peter Fonda and Bruce Dern LSD movie, not the Coogan/Brydon comedy.

#beach party