#e.e.c. writes

[driftbending]

at last, one really good quantum leap revival episode!

#they finally got the balance right (before it was too addison centric) #they gave us a really good emotional story #ben made such interesting choices #janice!!! ziggy!!! #like there's no helping addison's acting but everything else was so good! #third time's the charm #e.e.c. watches quantum leap revival #i want the writer for this ep to write all the eps bc they watched the original and understood the assignment

[blacstone]

Bible verses of the day 4/18/17. Psalms 16:1-3 KJV

May God continue to bless you, the readers, hearers, and doers of God’s Word as well as God’s Will.

This is the conversation​ that took place before man was formed. God and the savour we know now as Jesus Christ; foreknew what must be done. We needed a Redeemer to Restore what would be lost due to Sin. Thank you O Mighty JAH for this Noble Sacrifice. Thank you Jesus Christ for Enduring such a Great Tribulation to Save Us. Thank you Holy Ghost for guiding, filling and sealing us until Redemption comes. Thank you patriarchal father’s like king David who let the Spirit of God inspire their writings and most importantly their Lives.

The Blessed Holy Trinity our Godhead planned an expected End for All who’ll desire to Believe in Jesus Christ. Dare to be Different as well as Set aside/apart from this fallen world. God protects​, provides, and will be Ministry to all that are in need of His Goodness. I know I need such paths of Excellency everyday of my life. Instructors (Preachers of God) make sure you feed God’s sheep right. That can only be done by Sacrificing more of your wants in exchange for God’s Will. God’s Truth is not popular but it is effective and God will Sustain all who are willing to be Obedient. For Obedience is better than Sacrifice; so forsake your wants to fulfill God’s Will today. Grace and Mercy be applied to you all. Let’s Go Team Jesus Christ. ©2017 E.E.C. Evangelising Entertainment for Christ

#letsgoteamjesus

[driftbending]

half-asleep, but i can’t believe i wrote meta for my own fanfic which is still not even finished. and i wrote it just because the words for that meta were there, not for anything else. and as a result of capturing this in a lightning-in-a-bottle kind of way, i ended up clarifying for myself the main point of my story and finding it lovely.

and i’m almost done with “the source of self-regard.” as i read it, i was able to understand what it is that’s missing from my original story. it’s connection. it’s this strange lack of appreciation for flat character arcs, which both my fanfic and original story have and which make me feel like i’m not doing enough as a result even though i’m allowed to have flat character arcs, i just need to remember that i’m trying to push them anyway and challenge them even if i just end up reaffirming their beliefs and their values. it’s a lack of my own connection to the history my characters are clinging to or rooted in in my story.

and i have to say, my fanfic’s flat character arc is something that truly bothers me. i asked my sister, who reads a lot more fanfic than i do (honestly, i haven’t read fanfic for years bc i’m picky and bc for a long while i just stopped reading any form of literature at all), about what she thought about my dilemma with this character and she told me about the terrible ways she’s seen this particular character written in fandom and while it wasn’t surprising, it was sad to hear just how much they reduced this character in fanfic. and that’s what i’m afraid of doing with him. of reducing him. not the way my sister described, but just of making him this one-note kind of character with nothing to do except heal, think, breathe. then my sister said that it was okay if i did this a lot, he is recovering from a trauma after all, and considering what i’ve been reading (mostly meta from different fandoms and toni morrison), i’ve decided that i can just have him do basic simple things. i can have him be the break in the action, where we can sit with him as he thinks. i just need to make sure i have his voice right, so it doesn’t feel like we’re just in anyone’s thoughts but his, but yeah...and considering my sister already read other parts of his story where he fights, where he stands up for himself, where he’s rising to the challenges placed in front of him, i’m hopeful that i won’t reduce him the way fandom seems to. i just hope i write him in a way that is true and that his voice is his own.

#e.e.c. writes #e.e.c. diary #i think i'm going to write more about writing because that's a fun thing to do #and i'm really glad that i took like a week off from trying to write 4k a day overall #bc it's let me completely change some aspects of my original story #and allowed me to think more deeply on what i want from both #and i'm already feeling like i can start tackling them with more vigor again #so here's hoping i fix my schedule so that i'm able to write enough and not get sidetracked too often #bc otherwise i won't ever finish writing my stories and i really really want/need to #anyway i hope this all makes sense. i'm too tired to go back and fix this.

[driftbending]

i’ve been trying to give up on this fic for a long while and now that i’m looking back at my recent attempts at restarting it (which are proving rather successful, thankfully) i’m all sorts of emotional about it bc it’s starting to feel right.

"See?" Hanseok said, looking over his shoulder at Hanseo. "This is much more fun."

Hanseo rolled his eyes. "You're getting so strange, hyung."

"Consider it a perk of being dead."

#how much of this will survive my cutthroat editing when i do finish? who knows #but i realized what was restraining me from writing this story and it's sooooo nice to write these kids again #tho ngl my interests rn lie in...k/yohan so it's taking all my self-restraint not to just write for them lmao #BUT ANYWAY #hopefully i'll start writing my original story from the top as i plan soon #after spending more time researching gothic lit i'm planning on scrapping a lot of what i had and starting over #so hopefully that goes well #e.e.c. writes #e.e.c. diary

[driftbending]

me, last night after finishing the show: it’s such a bummer for me that i can’t find myself actually inspired enough by motak to fucking write anything for him, he deserves it, my beloved deserves stories written about him. why, why can’t i be inspired! why can’t i find his voice!

me, today: okay, so now i go back and edit the fuck out of this ficlet of motak trying to bond with giran while sprinkling hints of past!motak/jeongyeong here and there bc parallels! subconscious connections!

#e.e.c. writes #e.e.c. diary #when my sister was like 'the counters aren't even bonded to their yung spirits' my sleep-deprived brain decided to fix that #and it came up with something that isn't god awful but which needs major work #(i say this as if the show itself didn't need some major work or whatever lmao) #asdfaj and now i'm thinking about all the other ficlets i'm currently trying to edit and post for other fandoms #and the wips i'm currently ignoring #why does my writer brain work like this???

[driftbending]

hmmm, this is going to need more work than my other fic, but the satisfaction i have writing myunghee is impossible to quantify.

She wasn't like Seunghyeok, who made measly mouthed pleas to be spared, to be let in. She never had the luxury of begging. And now she wasn't going to give Hanseo the satisfaction that would come if she begged to keep Babel's business.

#e.e.c. writes #e.e.c. diary #hanseo's voice is the source of all my frustrations #none of the babel four give me as much trouble as hanseo #meanwhile none of the babel four give me as much satisfaction as myunghee does #characters that speak bluntly are such a joy to write #also i'm so happy to be writing daily again #i haven't written my big WIPs this month bc i haven't been well and haven't had many ideas #so getting to write short stories and fics again has been rather liberating #and a nice way to get back into the habit of writing again

[driftbending]

decided to say fuck it and write my russian roulette jang brothers fic instead of my two WIPs and i haven’t even finished writing this particular fic, but i wrote this and i’m just 💕

Swallowing hard, Hanseok feels a twinge of pain in his side. The wounds had healed, his body had strengthened, but the lingering ghost pain remained, his body reliving the moment it was struck by the bullet, his body reliving its own almost-death.

#e.e.c. writes #e.e.c. diary #i've had this story in my head for months now #and bc i've been feeling frustrated w/my writing in my WIPs (it's complicated to explain #but basically i haven't found the way to balance my purpleish prose + dialogue for my WIPs and it makes me hate writing) #so i'm like okay time to do something different #let's do something you've been wanting to write for a while now #hopefully the ending won't be something i hate and i'll be able to post it soon #and i know i'm going to change a lot when i edit it #but rn i'm just happy with it as it is

[driftbending]

lmao not me analyzing hanseo/hanseok again and finally pinning down how/why they hurt each other only to have a lilo and nani gifset pop up with the whole “i shouldn’t have yelled at you” “we’re sisters, it’s our job” scene.

#i'm reading another book but thinking about the psych book on betrayal i'm reading #(bc betrayal features heavily in the stories i'm writing. both fanfic and original so it's part of my research) #and occasionally writing down thoughts as they come to me as i try to piece together all of this #and then that gifset pops up. is this synchronicity??? lmao #anyway siblinghood is fun to write about. especially the messed up parts of it. #and honestly i'm waiting for the end of TDJ to see if i get more isaac/yohan revelations so i can write about them too #which...ahhhhhh!!! just this last weekend and TDJ is over! it all passed by so quickly! #e.e.c. diary #e.e.c. writes

[driftbending]

me: so, it’s time to get back to work on my wips. after all, one of them is getting to the fun part and it should be easy.

me, two hours later:

#the biggest travesty is i've been looking forward to writing this since i came up with it #but now that i'm here it's like....idk how to start #anyway writing heist scenes are annoying and stressful to me #i'm never going to write a heist again in my life after this #e.e.c. writes #e.e.c. diary

[driftbending]

today i wrote:

2440 words of fanfic. i needed to not only go and outline what i had written already, but i also needed to keep track of each pov i had switched to because i felt the story was skewed (rightfully but too heavily skewed) toward HK/HS/DG, and i needed another character to break it up. so after i kept track of who i wrote for, i was able to figure out which would be a good character to follow and i was able to write for SH/MH and write something more lighthearted. which this entire arc is going to be. it’s the lighthearted bonded sequence that will join the characters together for a good cause, before their newly forged bonds are tested again by things that are far, far, far worse than they can handle (emotionally). so i’m really going to have as much fun as i can writing this arc bc what comes up next is just going to be a lot of dark and bitter emotions and i had so much of that already. lol

0 words of my original story. just had no desire to write for this today.

additional observations: i’m starting to really accept the fact that i can’t write two different stories at once unless i know exactly what i’m going to write with both of them and i’m starting to realize that no, i don’t always know what’s going to connect one section with another clearly enough to write it. i am glad, however, that i have two projects going on at the same time because even though there are days when i have no motivation to continue writing for one story, i can easily write for another. it really helps stave off my own boredom with one single world/set of characters. anyway, my last day of these projects is tomorrow and i’m nowhere near the end for either of them, so i’m going to double the word count and extend the deadline to see if i can’t hit that mark, or at least make more progress with both.

#e.e.c. writes #e.e.c. diary #writing multi-chaptered fics & novels is not something i do often enough to know how i work best #i'm slowly figuring that out #i do hope i can write my short stories again bc i want to brush up this old story i have that's an original work #and maybe get these fanfic ideas down on paper before they're lost entirely #(though i doubt that'll happen; the ideas are very vivid and hard to lose track of) #but yeah #i hope i can learn to handle stories this big so it won't take a long time to work through drafts lmao

[driftbending]

keep making and deleting posts about a dilemma i’m having over a fic bc i feel overly whiny and i think i should just give in and write my damn fic again and start re-writing my original story (which i’ve made enough major changes to that i think i should just rewrite it already and try again from the beginning).

#e.e.c. writes #e.e.c. diary #ugh that fic is just going to keep irritating the fuck out of me until i write it #nevermind that i don't feel drawn to the characters as naturally as i once did #it's just gonna keep pestering me until i write the final scene #ugh whatever. if i get bored again i'll just stop and write something else. #i'm sick of reading about redemption arcs & getting light bulbs going off in my head #only to have the flicker into darkness again when i start thinking about implementing those ideas in my fic #if none of this makes sense it's bc my head is aching and i don't feel well again

[driftbending]

writing a series of pacific rim au ficlets for TDJ and as i go back to the novelization to read some details i forgot i just stop bc

this hit harder than when i was rewatching pacific rim in 2017 and heard raleigh becket mention one of the kaiju he and his brother killed in 2017.

#kasdklfjadf #anyway #i'm going to have to watch this movie again soon #e.e.c. writes #e.e.c. diary

[driftbending]

today i wrote:

1431 words of fanfic. i finally introduced a new character and it was so nice to have him in my story. it’s a crossover fic and it was leaning toward being mostly about one show, using the other as a backdrop, but adding this character really is going to make, at least this particular arc, more of a balance btwn the two stories as CS is very important to the story and will have his own pov sections. which !!!

924 words of my original story. i just want to write J sneaking around the castle and getting into trouble bc she’s reading things she shouldn’t be, but i have to think about everything else in my story, like what F is doing, how C will be redeemed, how G is going to be like a damsel in distress, etc. etc. there’s so to write and figure out.

additional observations: since today was supposed to be my deadline, i’m going to go into a little more detail about what i think i did well/failed.

my fanfic’s progress:

my original story’s progress:

my goal vs what i accomplished:

when i started, i felt like i was going to be able to easily hit 60k for each story, but i only hit from 42k-45k, so i managed to write 71% & 76% of my stories. i have to say those numbers made me feel dejected, but then i realized that i wrote 87,650 words in total. which, had i focused on just one story, i probably would have been able to hit my target easily.

it makes me almost want to go back and write just one story, instead of juggling two. but i also realized that i actually like being able to switch my brain from one story to the other when one story is being difficult. and considering how hard my original story has been to write, i’m grateful i had my fanfic to write, too, otherwise if i had chosen one i 1) would have never made it far bc i would’ve gotten stuck too often and too early and 2) i would not be aware of how much work the other story actually needed (and despite my fic being easier to write, it’s not exactly easy).

what i realize i need to do in july to make it easier on myself:

give myself breaks. i didn’t account for breaks here, so i always felt pressured to hurry up and write every day. it didn’t work. i need breaks to relax properly or actually work on problems that my story needs to be worked out.

outline shortly after i write a scene. i forget to do that, bc i get lazy, but charting my progress helps a lot.

go back to writing first thing in the morning. i had a set time at the start of this so i could write, but as it became harder to write, i procrastinated and delayed when i would write. but then it would get difficult bc a million things happen in the afternoon/evening. so i need to make certain i am able to have an early time to write my stories with as little interruptions as possible.

i will let myself write out of order. i don’t need this much with my fanfic bc i know more of what order the scenes are supposed to be compared to my original fic, but i know that writing scenes as they come to me will benefit me. so, at least for my original story, i’ll start doing that, too.

set certain days to character build. again, i don’t need this for my fanfic as much, but i always make excuses to avoid doing character building work for my original story and it ends up slowing me down bc i don’t have the fundamental details of certain characters known by heart.

and that’s probably it for now.

#e.e.c. writes #e.e.c. diary #anyway i can't wait to keep doing this in july #do i mean that? yes. am i also being sarcastic? yes. lmao #except when it's fun writing is hard

[driftbending]

today i wrote:

0 words of fanfic. i left off on a good note, and i know what comes next, i just need to fill in the in between parts. also, i feel like i’ve been spending too much time in the head of HK, so i need to go back and figure out what i can do to break up the constant HK/HS back and forth and push on bc i have new characters to introduce and a heist featuring ghost possession to write!

1311 words of my original story. i had been stuck on “who” does the interruption and why. there were a lot of other characters i considered, but none of them fit. then i though “would F be the one to find J?” and once i thought about it, considering letting F play a bigger role than i already had planned, i figured out something that would make F have more agency and let her act more on her own as well. so that when she and J finally connect and figure that they can work together in some capacity to take down S, it’ll be hinted at throughout the story. and now i just have to be able to get rid of the characters i need to get rid of (not via murder, but vacation time), i’ll be able to focus on the characters that will play the biggest role in the story. (also i asked myself: would it be realistic that these characters, with all that’s going on---the stock market falling, the economy plummeting, their business/bank in distress, their family still grieving---to go fuck off on a vacation? and then i remembered what happened with rich people all of last year and it’s like yep, it’s realistic. lol

additional observations: i keep having trouble writing. it’s either burnout (which i think it partly is, bc i’m writing a lot less/focusing on one fic instead of both) or my lack of a concrete outline that’s holding me back. but i know from my last fic with an outline that my writing changes a lot as i write, so having a basic outline w/key points to hit works better. however, bc i still get stuck, i’ve found that asking myself “well, how do i get to X scene?” and working backwards to where i stopped writing ends up helping a lot. it’s how i managed to write my scene with F/J today.

#e.e.c. writes #e.e.c. diary

[driftbending]

today i wrote:

1287 words of fanfic. i didn’t know where to go with this sequence, but i was able to find useful scenes to write until i’m able to finally introduce the other character i need.

0 words of my original fic. i feel stalled on that one bc i left it off on a note of “well, who walks in during this important scene” and i haven’t been able to answer it yet.

additional observations: i’m writing less bc i’m more distracted than usual. hopefully i’ll use my time somewhat more productively and plan out my stories even if it means writing less. and yes, i’m definitely going to have to continue these stories into july bc i need to finish them.

#e.e.c. writes #e.e.c. diary

[driftbending]

today i wrote:

2200 words of fanfic. i actually created a dynamic between HK/DG that i didn’t expect and i ended up loving their banter? the fuck? either way, the build up to the heist is going to be really fun if they keep acting like this. and a character i thought would reveal to HK what their real grudge is...didn’t bc it felt like too much right now bc HK didn’t deserve to know that yet. i also introduced another character that i can’t wait to team up with them.

295 words of my original story. stuck again with the transition pieces, i just decided to write a short scene of a nightmare and let it go. i have managed to work more on what the narrative demands, exploring the darkest parts of my ideas as far as they can go, and so hopefully that lets me be able to push myself to write with less inhibition and fear in the future.

additional observations: i’ve been getting bogged down with analysis and meta for other shows i’m watching and books i’m reading, spending a lot more time writing that and trying to get those thoughts out of my head rather than working on my stories. but i think writing meta has helped me figure out what i do/don’t want to do with my own stories...at least, that’s what i tell myself lmao

#e.e.c. writes #e.e.c. diary