#dutchiehcs

[mickmundy]

scout's ma headcanon thread! she was requested by a couple of people and i'm having a burst of inspiration for her so without further ado, let's get to it! i hope you like!

absolutely not your average "housewife"! there's lots of professions i entertain her having (hair/nail salon worker, waitress/bartender, something Generally Unassuming for a woman in the 70s to have as a job)… all intentionally mundane, but serving useful purpose in her life! good for keeping tabs on things around the city, sussing people out and potentially letting spy know any hot goss! these are just day jobs; she gets her thrills elsewhere!

knows everything happening everywhere, anytime. spy learned lots of his intuition-based skills from her! any time spy thinks he knows everything, she always has something in her back pocket that he doesn't! >:)

has a VERY contagious laugh that you can hear miles away. she loves being loud! will clap you really hard on your back or slam her hand on the table when she laughs.

can hold her liquor better than anyone around! doesn't like to get sloppy, but that doesn't mean she doesn't from time to time! loves drinking beer, but will always enjoy a nice glass of wine with her beloved spy! :-) wouldn't/doesn't care if scout is lgbt+ lol. it's absolutely not a big deal to him to come out to her, either. he knows his ma means it when she says she loves him no matter what! she will occasionally hit him with "well ya better bring somebody home to meet me sometime!" (loud laughter)

i think she'd be more financially well-off than her home leads one to believe; she's good at stashing and moving around spy's cash! her apartment is humble but she always looks immaculate. doesn't let scout know how much money she really has. very financially savvy and an incredible negotiator… even if it means getting a little ugly! used car salesman tremble in her presence!

fights like a scorned gambler who's owed a debt. won't let you know she can fight, though! likes it when people think she's just some dainty dame.

is a material girl, but knows what really matters. fell in love with spy before he was The Spy he is today and values loyalty and trust/honesty above all else. some might think that's ironic considering her partner of choice, but she'll be quick to quip back with a snide/cheeky "of course that's what you think! you only know the mask!"

breaking balls is her love language. she'll tease you, but never maliciously. this is also scout's, and one of spy's, languages of love too.

always trying to feed you. "put some more meat on your bones! it's good for ya!" (pops gum and winks at you) while i think she no doubt is well-versed in the lifestyle that spy leads, she's not Directly "in-it" like spy is. not an agent of any kind herself, but gives spy a hand when she can. knows how to shoot a gun and wield a kitchen knife!

grew up dirt poor and has "a champagne taste on a beer budget". high standards, takes no guff, won't hesitate to put you in your place. this (and many other reasons) is why spy loves her :-)

very charismatic, knows how to lie, but also how to be sincere. is genuinely a good mother to her boys, who love her in return. they're all protective of her even though they know they don't have to be; she has no problem sticking up for herself!

spy was not her first husband, but he's her favorite! she loves him very much, and he loves her. they aren't exes, they're happily together, and have an open relationship.

she knows all of the mercs (some better than others ofc!) and won't hesitate to talk their ears off when she visits the base, armed with embarrassing photos and stories about spy and scout that make them both groan and the mercs holler with laughter!

she picks out spy's suits for/with him. she's the only one spy would ever trust to dress him other than himself! they always look great together and accessorize around each other.

she does not tell scout about who his father is. not because she doesn't want to, but she knows the nature of spy's job and knows "the business" from being around him for all this time; it's the best thing to keep scout and herself (also spy!) safe. i think scout would be angry at first, but once it's explained to him, he'd understand. ma knows best!

spy taught her how to walk in heels and does things like painting her nails for her all the time. he always makes sure she has enough money for a well-deserved spa day, but if she knows he's coming to town, she'll let her nails get a little busted up so spy can paint them for her!

she loves to look at spy and sigh a fond "ugh, i could just kill you!" while smirking/bating her eyes at him after/as he showers her with gifts and other wonderful things… to which spy chuckles and hums lovingly and replies with "mhmhmm, ma petite chou fleur, if anyone could, it would be you. <3" and they give each other the most Loving Look.. :')

she's younger than spy but not by much. they met while she was a waitress in a diner in boston while spy was on a mission to assassinate a target in the city early in his career (when his suits were still cheap.. <3). he hides in the diner after a particularly fiery shootout and his pursuers come into the place. she recognizes him as the Quiet Gentleman who has been coming in for coffee in the mornings to enjoy with a cigarette. covers for him and spy never forgets her kindness and quick wit. he comes back after the mission ends and, with his payout from the job, treats her to a romantic night and promises to see her again. no matter how far away spy goes, he always returns to her! she has more faith in him than he deserves (so he says), to which she smirks and straightens his (now expensive <3) suit tie and places a kiss on his balaclava's cheek and says "we both know i only deserve the best." and winks at him and he smiles at her and hums in agreement.. kisses her hand… siigh.. this is a massively condensed "origin story" for them lol but! AH I LOVE THEM

AHH I HAVE SO MANY MORE THOUGHTS BUT FOR NOW.... i will leave with all of this... HEHE TYSM for reading! ^__^ i hope you enjoy ehe!!

#mercthreads #<- not a merc but this is where my long tf2 hc posts go slkjdf #dutchfoolery #dutchiehcs #tf2 #scout's ma #scoutma

[mickmundy]

medic Enthusiastically talking about how he brought sniper back to life (and how sniper is his greatest achievement) and wasted 1.3 billion dollars of classic team's resources and money to do it

#medic: saves his teammates life #medic: infodumps about it #tf2 #team fortress 2 #bushmedicine #tf2 medic #tf2 sniper #dutchfoolery #dutchiehcs #more fact than hc but sure why not lets toss it in the tag #I LOVE THEMMMMM RATTLING MY CAGE BARS #i have so much to say... so many thoughts....

[mickmundy]

medic will text sniper a long message that's like "Good morning my darling!" and detail his entire day, how he's feeling, what he had for breakfast etc and end it with "i love you!" and sniper will reply "lysm. cant wait to see yuo." Both will have the Exact same amount of Feeling...

medic will stop open heart surgery to be like "aha! sniper texted me! hold this for just a minute, [hands mercenary on table Operating Tool]" and goes to text him back and will send him pictures of birds and other Stuff he's seen that morning

and sniper will reply with a "[heart] [thumbs up]" but he'll be up in his tower doing target practice and kicking his legs giddily and rereading medic's texts 490000000000000000 times throughout the day and Meticulously chooses emojis for his One Word Response

#tf2 #bushmedicine #sniper #medic #:-) #dutchfoolery #dutchiehcs #why was this in my drafts i thought i queued it #-_- #medsnip

[mickmundy]

honestly i don't think sniper is a dirty person lol. i think he knows/accepts that Being Grody comes with his job sometimes so he'll deal with it with no fuss, and everyone enjoys working up a sweat now and then, but i don't think he's someone with Bad Hygiene, not even a little!

he clearly shaves regularly and brushes his teeth and he'd have to know how to take care of himself if he's been a survivalist and whatnot. i don't think he does Skincare Routines or Self Cares on the level that maybe spy or medic would, but i definitely wouldn't say that he like. pees all over himself or Actively Chooses to stink or "be gross". i think he knows it comes with the job/his hobbies (taxidermy, hunting, survivalism stuff) so he's like "eh whatever" but he loves hot showers and a fresh change of clothes.

i think that Because he's been out in the wilderness sleeping in buffalo corpses etc he'd Appreciate being clean that much more. like i think something he really Loves is a hot shower after a gross day on the field. hot water dries out his Already Dry/chapped skin but he doesn't care because it feels good Dammit!

and with jarate i don't think he'd keep the jars in his home either.. if he doesn't have a tiny toilet in his camper then he'd just go outside/to the base to do his business?? and he'd probably fill them while working and just keep them in his Weapon Crate for the next fight..idk

whereas like spy would just. Be So Pissed if he got Even Remotely Dirty (again he'd acknowledge work is work but wouldn't be Happy about it LOL)

medic and sniper are more like "oh well! let's get our hands dirty! >:) it'll be worth it in the end!" and spy's like "EUGHHH!" med and snip wandering around after battle and looking for dead animal corpses or Cool Stuff and spy is like "GROSS XP"! like he's not Put Off by gore (given his job) but i don't think he'd like. actively pursue it. whereas medic and sniper would be like "oh! a vulture ribcage! in tact! yippee! ^__^"

spy's like "i'm going to leave you two Freaks alone i am only interested in this stuff when it is made into a belt or shoes! >:/" and has tea with heavy and reads books and spy vents about how their bffs are gross and heavy nods and is like "da... they are.. unconventional.. ^_^;"

like in my mind they interact like this:

sniper and medic: kneeling in the dirt and giggling with their backs to spy spy: *looks over their shoulders Reluctantly (but he's nosy so he can't help it) what exactly are you two doing :| sniper: *holds up corpse of [animal] Way Too Close to spy's face (he's very enthusiastic)* look! it's perfectly preserved! :D medic: *clapping his hands Delightedly* yippee!! i am going to bleach zhe bones! ^v^ hoo hoo! spy: *Frowns In All Caps* i am Sincerely sorry I asked

#tf2 #sniper #spy #medic #bushmedicine #TECHNICALLY #hehe #spoovy #heheh #dutchiehcs #dutchfoolery #medsnip #speavy

[mickmundy]

medic walking around dropping things flinging them around etc and sniper's just trotting behind him catching all of the expensive glassware and Science Stuff until his arms are full and he catches the Final thing on the toe of his boot and medic's like "now, where did i put the- ah! ^v^ there!" and Gently takes it from sniper's grasp and drums his fingers on it and is like "danke, spatzchen.,,. <3" and kisses him softly on the cheek and sniper gets flustered because it was so Chaste And Unexpected and drops everything....

and literally Everything shatters. just completely unsalvageable. and sniper looks/is completely mortified and is like "oh holy hell. i am SO sorry doc, i-"

medic cuts him off by laughing Loudly and he takes sniper's cheeks in his Large Gloved Hands and plants a kiss on sniper's lips and is like "ohhhohoh... my darling.. i hope to always make you drop my beakers. <3"

and sniper gives him a crooked grin out of the side of his mouth and is like "ouehhgeh.,., pphpbhpbttt.," and scoffs but the tips of his ears are Red and medic can't help but giggle a little bit and medic strokes sniper's cheekbones with his thumbs Lovingly and gives him a Tender Look and sniper gives it back...

then medic puts his hands on his hips and is like "So. will you help me clean this up while i place a Mann Co order?"

and sniper's like "yeap. yup. this's my bad." and medic Laughs Lovingly because hes in Love....

sniper Cannot stop grinning and he begins to sweep it up while medic paces around (Unintentionally, in the mess that sniper just swept up) and is like "do i want the large beakers, or the small ones?- what did i just break again?" and sniper chuckles lovingly because he's in Love!

#xposted from my twt #forgot i wrote this but sure lets stick it here #also sorry for the dipshitted format im just copypasting twitter posts so its like. augghh #also no grammar or real formatting because i just love posting Stream Of Conscience Crap #bushmedicine #tf2 #tf2 medic #tf2 sniper #dutchiehcs #dutchfoolery #love thinking about them in small moments like this. i think this is when them as a ship can really and truly Shine #medic x sniper #medsnip

[mickmundy]

a personal spy headcanon that i literally never stop thinking about is that he loves practical jokes. he'll wake up early and put cooking oil on the floor of the kitchen and sit down at a table and read (hide behind) the newspaper and as soon as Any of the mercs come Running in they slip and eat shit on the oil and crash into the door, (or better yet the oven), which makes engineer go "God Dammit I just fixed that!" and the merc that wiped out can't stand up bc of the oil and spy's shoulders will be Shaking trying not to laugh from behind the newspaper (more under the cut)

and he'll pepper in some Faux Disgust and make comments like "good lord, can't you miscreants watch where you are going?!" etc. and the more mercs he can make angry at Other mercs the better the joke is. like if he can manage to get engineer, sniper, demo or medic pissed off at scout or soldier for running in and slipping, it instantly makes the joke a 100000/10 bc Eng/Snip/Dem/Med's insults are ALWAYS the best. especially bc when they get Really Pissed or Riled Up... they just start Spitting Insults in their native slang/languages which Rules (to spy, bc he delights in learning new things about other dialects + the prank itself)

or he'll polish glass doors/windows Really Well and trick scout into thinking they're open so that scout slams against them and leaves a Print of his smashed face against it and in the moment he'll always be Decently Composed (a Gentleman's Chuckle is the most they'll get out of him) but when he's alone in his smoking room at the end of the day and he's recalling his Successes he throws his head back and snorts and puts his hands on his knees and does his Snort Laugh (which i think is his genuine laugh tbh)

also this is when heavy will be Quietly Observing spy this entire time and be like "spy. you are the one pranking." and spy's like !!!! and whips his head around and is like "don't be Ridiculous! as if something so childish would Ever--" and huffs Indignantly.. and heavy gives him a gentle grin and shrugs and is like "of course, heavy understands. i will keep this between us then." and spy's like 🤨…. and heavy chuckles and is like "was funny when soldier crashed into oven. engineer danced like sniper's truck bobblehead."

and spy snorts and hums/nods and heavy grins and is like "spy likes to laugh?" and spy smiles softly and laughs sheepishly and is like "….. i suppose.., once and a while,., even I am not above a good laugh.,.," and heavy nods and smiles and is like "da. like scout?" and spy chuckles softly and spy's body language relaxes a little bit and spy is like "i suppose... yes..., but his mother has a good sense of humor too. it would be difficult to trace where he gets it from." and heavy and spy share A Look.........................................

"where is pyro in all this?" simple question warrants a simple answer: pyro wears non slip boots so he is Immune to spy's pranks and also spy Never pranks pyro. pyro is True Neutral Merc (also because pyro bakes for spy so he doesn't have the heart to dunk on him)

#dutchiehcs #tf2 #spy #tf2 spy #spoovy #tf2 heavy #heavy #dutchfoolery #speavy

[mickmundy]

spy headcanon thread! just some of my personal thoughts and musings about his character :-) enjoy!

starting off by saying that spy is Absolutely Everything to me.. i've put his thread off for so long because i have SO much to say and im afraid i'll leave stuff out BUT we're going to take a Stab at it (😏) and i guess i'll just add more stuff later if i need! As Usual this is just pasted from my twitter so i'm sorry for any wonky formatting issues!

the most important thing to me about spy's character is that it is Varied and can be Contradictory. i say this about all of the mercs tbh but spy is among the Most important given his role/occupation as a spy. he IS A Spy, but he's also Just Some Guy (gender neutral).

spy is a bit dry; very sarcastic, a bit stoic, but he's definitely not heartless. i think he's very "emotionally in-tune" to those around him and prides himself on being able to read a room exceptionally well!

... but just because he knows what people might be thinking doesn't mean he's going to do anything about it! he likes being in the know but seldom ever enjoys interfering; it's best if he keeps out of the fray, or so he tells himself!

that being said, i Do think spy makes exceptions to this rule (which To Me is what makes his character Interesting!).... as we see in expiration date! he spends his "last living days" helping scout become a worthy date for miss pauling!

if he sees someone Floundering or really stuck in some kind of emotional squander, he'll pass by with a hand on the shoulder and a concise, discreet, kind word of advice in their ear and move on. no need for thanks, he's just Sharing an Observation! if you try to thank him, he'll give you a coy look and be like "for what?" but he knows. he's just letting you know you don't need to thank him <3

loves breaking balls. he'll help you if you ask him, but not before he gives you a LOT of shit for it. he'll volunteer himself to help you (even if you tell him you need his Stinking Help!) and he'll roll his eyes and say "ha! you are So helpless! i know you're glad i'm here to see this through with you uUu" LOL

but he will give you genuine insight and Surprisingly Good advice. huh, you didn't know he knew you so well! despite his job as a spy, he'll tell you to be authentic and will encourage you to listen to your instincts.

is an Observer First and an Action-taker second. prioritizes being in the know and likes being in the background (despite how good he is at being in the spotlight!). always thinks before he speaks, very calculated in everything he does!

got wiser with age. when he was younger i think he was quick to save his own skin and thought only about himself. among his first "selfless" acts were running out on scout and his mom to "protect" them, but with the wisdom of hindsight, that wasn't the smartest idea!

firmly believes in the power of respect. seems to have a positive relationship with all of his teammates (yes, even sniper, engineer and pyro lol) and scout's mom, too (regardless of how u see their relationship). tells scout that he has to earn pauling's respect to be worthy of her!

won't hesitate to stick his neck out for/work with people he appreciates. in the comics, he works with (and even prioritizes the safety of) miss pauling, helps sniper, and obviously comforts scout when he's dying in the way that Scout would want to be comforted. good job pops!

which brings me to dadspy... how i love you... i could make an entire other thread about my dadspy thoughts BUT i'll keep it "brief" here. i don't think he ever "treated scout like shit" nor do i think he was abusive to scout's mom or scout. he's just the world's most mediocre absent father to me... KDSKF

i think scout's mom knew What Spy Was and knew that at some point, he'd have to leave her. i think she's a perfectly capable woman who spy is genuinely still in love with (they have an open, long-distance relationship!) and is quite the deadly catch herself! perhaps i'll make a thread on her if that's something people would want....

i don't think she resents spy for running out and i think spy has complicated feelings about running out. he's convinced himself he did it for everyone involved's safety but in hindsight he Does feel a Bit (emphasis on Bit. it's not Earth Shatteringly Dramatic, just a little demon that sneaks up on him now and then...) guilty and tries to "make up for it" by Trying to get along with scout even if it's... not easy LOL. him turning into tom jones when scout died was to comfort scout the way Scout would want, which i think says a lot about spy's character.

however, once scout finds out the truth, i think he tells spy that he shouldn't have lied to him about it ("what kind of dumbass lies to their son on his deathbed! 🧍") and spy's like "ah... i suppose that... was also a mistake." and they smirk/smile at each other.. Road To Forgiveness begins..

also i personally love the running gag that everyone knows that spy is scout's dad (except for scout), not because i think spy would tell all/even some of the mercs but because it's SO obvious that all of them are like "i mean yeah.. doy". extra points if their knowledge Also surprises spy. "WHO TOLD YOU? HOW DID YOU KNOW?!" and the mercs are like ??? "erm... we have eyes...?" LOL

DESPITE being Stoic and Unknowable and Mysterious, he is also Quite the Doofus. one of my favorite and most important thoughts on his character. i think his authentic laugh is his snort laugh and i think that's what made scout's mom fall in love with him... :') has a great sense of humor.

loves playing pranks, causing mischief and being a Smug Cunt. will hide behind his Carefully Crafted Facade, but those who really know him (heavy, scout's mom) can see right through it! teaches scout some of his "best ones" (though not before pranking HIM with them first! it's okay though. scout's a good sport and gives him props LMAO)

a short list of spy's "best ones":

cleaning a glass door REALLY well and tricking the mercs to run into it at full force

oil on the kitchen floor so that anyone who comes running in will slam into the oven that engineer Just Fixed God Dammit! and destroy it

mentos in soda

scout and spy have the "same laugh" when they REALLY start howling. snorting, wheezing.... they sound almost identical. usually if they're laughing THAT hard, the rest of the mercs are looking at them like this >__> (covered in soda, can't get up from the ground because oil, etc)

obviously enjoys literature! language is one of his favorite things, though. loves learning about different dialects, slang, accents and learning the intricacies of grammar, too! likes studying the other mercs for this reason. the base is a fun, mixed bag for him!

the best secret keeper. contrary to popular belief, spy will NOT air your business if it's Serious. he might "let it slip" to medic that sniper sleeps with a stuffed animal, but he won't let anyone know that heavy has ptsd. he likes giving people shit, but not genuinely causing harm!

ah.. breaking balls as a love language.. this is something that i think is shared between spy, scout, and scout's mom. they LOOOOVE to give you shit, but it comes from a loving place. i think a lot of scout and spy's banter in exp date is like this:

it's not actually Insulting to either of them (spy calling scout a failure, scout telling spy to go to hell, etc) and is in fact more like a thing of Endearment. if you know people like this then you know what i'm talking about. idk how else to describe it KSDFKS

he is very girlfailure that thinks he's a girlboss but is actually a girlfailure and is coming to terms with his girlfailing. as i've said, spy isn't heartless. he knows he's made mistakes and knows his job has costed him a lot and now he's trying to reconcile with it. sometimes it's funny, sometimes its angsty!

is a total foodie and has a LOT of opinions about all kinds of cuisine! loves cooking with engineer and pyro (YES i think pyro is an INCREDIBLE chef. they only burn things because it's fun/funny! for the bit. you understand), and heavy has a perfect palette (just a personal hc of mine heh) so he always gets to tag along and taste test! <3

if spy is involved with any of the other mercs, scout's mom knows about it. they're in an open relationship and spy values her just like he'd value any of the mercs in a romantic relationship. she knows all of them and they're all very polite to her (ala like they are with miss pauling), but she quickly surprises them by being snarky and playful like spy and scout! she also doesn't hesitate to begin telling the mercs the most Humiliating Dirt on spy AND scout! HEHEHE

i don't think he'd cheat on her nor do i think he'd bother cheating on any of his partners. he's very open with communication when it comes to his interpersonal relationships (this is ironic to everyone but him because his relationship with his son is currently in shambles). he's good at it when it comes to romantic relationships though!

his love languages are, well, any and all of them! he loves being in love, he's a huge romantic and is not shy about showing it. will absolutely DROWN his partner in gifts and pretty words (that he really does mean!) and so on... perhaps to the point of it being a little overwhelming! at his partner's request, he'll dial it back... but he still loves to spoil his lovers, and THAT is something he WON'T apologize for! >:)

as i touched on earlier, has a good rapport with all of the mercs and pauling. he's patient with soldier and the other mercs hear him out about the bucket list idea (and are all Quietly Amused by how scout promptly ruins that for him. team dynamic ykwim). i think he's the closest with heavy (i'm a spoovy enjoyer), engineer, pyro, and sniper (BUT in kind of a "unique" way. perhaps i'll elaborate) but he enjoys the company of all of the other mercs as well!

is Informed about engineer's, demoman's and medic's research (though not on the levels they are of course) and likes being in the know about things going on around the base. he mostly shares enemy intelligence with these three over anyone else. they talk frequently and Love to gossip (engineer SWEARS its not gossiping but demo and medic are like "no. its gossip!" SKDFKSDF)!

will absolutely always enable you to treat yourself. scout, spy, medic and demo are the KINGS of "go on!! treat yourself!! :D" no matter what it is. if spy sees you really struggling about whether to get something, he'll slip it in with his own purchases and gift it to you later. "this one is from me, so you don't need to worry about compromise. <3"

in battle, he's a bit more sadistic than his teammates; likes making people squirm and is more than capable of getting under your skin. information extraction is part of his job and he treats it as such: Part Of The Job. he doesn't get a LOT of pleasure from hurting others, but he Does enjoy starring in a good revenge tale!

no, i do NOT think the world's most absent father cares about his 30 year old son's sex life nor do i think he's even "fiercely overprotective" of scout just in general. i think he knows scout is a grown man who has to make (and account for) any failures and fumbles he makes in his life. he'll be there with a kind word (and a few snarky ones!) when shit hits the fan, but he's not running around fighting scout's battles for him. scout loves battling too much to let him anyway! LOL

he teaches him things that Spy Himself values (like respect) because he... values it and since spy IS trying to be a bit more of a Dad to scout, it's also a reflection on him (to spy. scout doesn't care or think of it that way). insists on the value of self improvement! (something he himself didn't learn until he was Much Older... but scout doesn't need to know that!)

#ok FINE this is good enough for now... #-_- #hit tweet limit three times <3 i have things to SAY #dutchfoolery #dutchiehcs #mercthreads #<- yeas i have other mercs in there.. take a look if u want... heh #tf2 #spy #rrgghhh sorry for the tags... grrhhh

[mickmundy]

good bushmed recipes:

"Professionals Have Standards!" Sniper x "But Aren't You Tired Of Being Professional? Don't You Sometimes Want To Go Apenshitten?" Medic

sniper that enjoys medic's Experiments and isn't afraid of him, who is deadly/efficient but also emotionally immature/Secretly sensitive.. medic who is playful, observant and lethal, who loves being helpful But only in his Unpredictable Wild Card way.. never censors himself. Ever

medic and sniper who see each other's Drive and Devotion to their respective careers and doesn't let that get in the way of something between them (they are married to their jobs)... coming "home" to each other after Very Different Definitions of a "long hard day"...

reminding eachother to Eat Something For God's Sake and drink water bc they're both convinced they know better than the other but they're both equally semi-dysfunctional (wont admit it) and stuck in their ways but will "reluctantly" oblige bc its important to the other..

both of them getting so wrapped up in work that it's hard to wind down, hard to relax. mutual understanding that Work Is Everything but.. living is important too! medic reminding sniper to laugh/have fun and sniper helping medic tidy that Disgraceful Lab after a productive day!

both of them being Weird Only Childs but completely differently. sniper being quiet, emotionally stunted and repressed, fairly lax, while medic is In Your Face, "If You Don't Like Me That's Your Problem!", petty, the King of holding grudges...

"completing each other" by being Fundamentally Nothing alike. no love at first sight, or second or third sight even... lovers who learn each other and relish in the joy of finding those differences, paying attention to details and jotting them down or committing them to memory...

#sorry. im never not thinking about them i fear #bushmedicine #tf2 #tf2 medic #tf2 sniper #medic #sniper #dutchiehcs #dutchfoolery #crossposted from twt sorry if u follow me on both #medsnip

[mickmundy]

GRAAAHHHHHH I REALIZE I FORGOT TO INCLUDE THE PICTURE OF THE PETNAME REFERENCES IN MY bushmed hcs megapost but!

medic calls sniper spatz/spatzchen because the face markings on sparrows remind him of snipers sideburns.,. ehee!

as for the crocodile and the plover bird… they have a symbiotic relationship in nature… medic calls sniper his krokodil and sniper calls medic his plover! this is a petname that they only use once theyre together. its very intimate! its symbolic of the two of them finally coming together and cutely/casually Saying “i need you. youre a part of me” without actually saying it…!

#tf2 #sniper #bushmedicine #dutchiehcs #medic #dutchfoolery #HEHEHEHEHEHE #medsnip

[mickmundy]

closing out this #bushmedbday with a few of my favorite little details from the comic that started it all... HEHE! i really love the cover art. like its SO good... sniper's class patch with the frayed threads, evidence of archimedes' mischief with his bloody footprints... ahh!!

sniper and archimedes being lil blood brothers.. i mention this in my fics quite a bit, but i think it's interesting that sniper is the only one that medic has ever used his best friend's blood on! thanks for your help with the revival, archimedes!

i have Lots Of Thoughts about snipers other scars that medic graced him with, too! aside from the Obvious Reason that scars are sexy and sniper looks good with them, here are some of my thoughts on what they could be from! ^v^ i love being a little unconventional with this stuff!

sniper's strength after being freshly-revived was also really impressive... able to push/pull/hoist up medic (who is, as we know, quite burly! hehe!) with just one hand...? you're a miracle worker, doc!

sniper doesn't steal the dying spotlight for too long! he and medic actually share a very similar fate! classic team sure does love shooting Two Bullets into people, don't they?! hoo!

ive also made note in the past of some comparisons (and contrasts!) in their respective death scenes in the comics, too... imo sniper and medic have Vastly different beliefs when it comes to death (respecting vs defying it, etc), too! very fun and makes for Delicious Chemistry!

going to close this lil thread with one of my favorite things... he's medic's Crowning Medical Achievement! ;u; sniper's revival really was a total labor of love... and classic team's money! doctor ludwig, you've really outdone yourself! who can blame him for bragging!

i just want to say thank you SO much to everyone who participated, retweeted, commented and just shared the love for this ship today! ;u; it's a pairing that means so much to me and i'm so happy to have found such a wonderful, supportive community! ;; ILYASM!!! BUSHMED 5 EVA!!

#bushmedicine #bushmedbday #tf2 #medic #sniper #dutchiehcs #dutchfoolery #ILYASMMMM NIGHT NIGHT!! ^___^ <3333 #medsnip

[mickmundy]

theyd do this for fun for like a date…. and every time sniper gets it right medic would smile and go “hoo hoo! Wunderbar!! ^v^” and wave his hands a little and it makes sniper grin out of the corner of his mouth and be like “okaokayokay do it again! im ready :D” and repeat….

sniper only takes one bite (half) of each of the twix bars and medic pops the other half into his mouth and smiles at sniper while he chews and sniper lifts the blindfold up to look at him after every time and gives him his lil crooked smile and medic claps his hands and giggles, cups sniper's cheeks in his gloved hands and stoops down and kisses him....

#its their love language. idk what it is but its their love language #bushmedicine #tf2 #medic #sniper #dutchfoolery #xposted from my twt #dutchiehcs #? #i guess #unfunnypages

[mickmundy]

my personal fave way to think about sniper and spy is as t4t exes (transmasc snip and transfem spy) who are cool with each other and consider themselves close friends, even if they don't talk often. they are exes of few words who mutually Know Too Much and i think they interact vaguely like bugs bunny and daffy duck. something like this:

spy: sniper, did i leave my louis crabbermarche slip in your van? i haven't seen it in months, and i have absolutely no idea where else it could be.

sniper: y'mean that satiny thing? oh, i tossed it like a year ago. was it expensive or someth-

spy: *shoots sniper's head clean off with the ambassador* *blows the smoke from the end of the gun* *puts hands behind her back* *straightens her tie* fall catalogue, page ten, size fourteen.

sniper, missing a head, gives thumbs up: expect it in four to six weeks 👍

#dutchiehcs #dutchfoolery #spy dates heav now and snip dates med #we love to see it #tf2 #sniper #spy #i love them..

[mickmundy]

a masterpost of some of my sniper headcanons! just some of my personal thoughts on his character and things he'd like, dislike, hobbies, etc!

while he prefers nonfiction, he also enjoys reading fiction and poetry. he used to read all of his mom's old books cover to cover and there would almost always be a book stashed somewhere outside that he could read between chores (or if/when he had a minute to himself).... thrashed paperback books shoved under hay bales or left to fade in the sun in the back of his old man's truckbed etc...

enjoys old movies and does Not shy away from romances, dramas, etc. he has memories of staying up late with his mom and watching them or listening to radio serials with her. they just Hit The Spot for him and while its maybe not something he'd Openly Admit, he's definitely not ashamed of it!

he loves the ocean. loves to surf, is an incredible swimmer. never really sought the ocean out but once he visited he was like Ohhh I Love This. is fascinated by marine life and learning about it! can hold his breath for a really long time too. sniping/shooting breathing control practice, y'know!

very knowledgeable about medicine. my love for medic/sniper aside, i think it only makes practical sense that he'd have a pretty extensive knowledge of herbs, remedies and medicines that he could easily craft/make/use on himself! he'd also know how to suture and dress wounds. he survived on his own for a long time before medic and his medigun came along, after all!

made money in his youth between jobs at being a pretty good taxidermist. big game hunting was an easy and fun hobby to do and his knowledge and appreciation for animals led him to being interested in the preservation of them. still enjoys doing it now too!

has a surprising(?) lack of knowledge about vehicles. knows where to shoot to sabotage them, but little about the upkeep of his own. knows he should just let engineer look at his van and fix her up, but his home is very personal to him so that is not something that comes easy!

doesn't like asking for help. was raised Not to ask for help, "because you're only as capable as you teach yourself to be". if you do help him, he'll thank you and genuinely mean it, but he won't go out of his way to ask you for assistance unless it's something minor or he's Extremely desperate.

would literally you rather see him naked than have an emotionally-compromising conversation with you. you'll see his whole tacklebox before he tells you how he's really feeling!

despite his stoic/silent nature, he is not very... emotionally mature. has trouble articulating his feelings. this does not mean he's devoid of them by any means! just has trouble getting them out there in a way that would make sense to others. lots of repression lots of internalized things he has to work out... hopefully someday!

enjoys classical, jazz, blues, and country (think Outside of the american genre lmao) music. plays the saxophone along to his cassettes when he has a minute! he has rhythm and is quite good!

he has a collection of kitschy mugs/cups and t-shirts that he'd picked up/somehow just Amassed in his travels... he uses the mugs for planters and other purposes besides drinking, mostly to house the herbs, vegetables and fruits he grows in his van!

installed a rack above the sink in his van that he hooks mugs/planters to and grows his own herbs/veggies/fruits. he does canning, keeps preserves and enjoys keeping his hands busy in a way that's practical and, you know, old habits die hard! he doesn't like to be wasteful.

loves being naked. hates underwear and clothes. if he's in his van he's Probably Naked. loves laying on top of his camper and Basking in the sun totally nude if he can get away with it. infinitely prefers the heat to the cold. he hates the colder bases, but you still won't hear him complain!

no matter how much he "tans", he still has Eternal tanlines from his glasses, glove, watch and hat. the right half of him is a bit more tanned than his left* because of the sun blaring on him when he drives. as someone who does a lot of driving this is just a given to me lol

*i reject the notion that his steering wheel would be on the left side lol. no way he got his van in america... i dont believe that for a second.. i dont Care what the canon model says... s;dlkfsd!

is a very clean person. being a survivalist doesn't allow for poor hygiene! getting dirty on the job is just the reality of it; he doesn't mind, but he'll never turn down a hot shower and a fresh change of clothes! wounds, clothes, and body should always be clean when possible.

likes clutter, hates messes. i don't think he's a hoarder but i enjoy the idea of him hanging on to Some stuff. tries to tell himself that everything he owns has Practical Purpose bc he was raised to believe its not worth keeping if it doesn't, but some things he just Enjoys keeping around!

one of the most flattering things you could do for him would be to make him a home-cooked meal. it isn't a gesture he would take lightly! he'd appreciate it a lot, no matter how good or bad it was. personal things like this go a long way with him!

absolutely Not a lightweight. enjoys having drinks after a long shift at work, but his days of getting sloppy are pretty much behind him. enjoys a couple of beers on a quiet night where he can hang out with his owl and decompress.

loves to grill and cook! baking not so much, but he's still decently savvy at it. used to bake with his mom so it's sometimes still a bit of an emotional sore spot. typically makes jams, jellies, sauces, marinades and whatnot with his preserves for meat he cooks.

greatly enjoys birdwatching and knows a myriad of animal calls. has an old worn beat to shit birdwatching/flora/fauna pocket book that he keeps in his back pocket when he goes Out so that he can mark off species he's seen!

adores horses. loves to ride them, take care of them. can stay on one no matter how much it bucks. also has a soft spot for sheep and chickens, too. i think as someone who lives off of the land he just has great appreciation for everything animals can do for people!

can understand quite a few languages from traveling, but doesn't know how to speak them fluently. he did like surprising spy with some... colorful french after letting the other mercenary think he was an illiterate bushman for a couple months, though!

#put this #dutchfoolery #i need a writing/hc tag but idk what yet so for now.... nothing #tomorrow.. Who Knows :) #sniper #tf2 #shyly puts it in the tags.. #tf2 sniper #dutchiehcs #idk if i have to like say this but these are okay to rb!! ^v^ #mercthreads

[mickmundy]

a masterpost of some of my medic headcanons! just some of my personal thoughts on his character and things he’d like, dislike, hobbies, etc!

First and Foremost... medic is just Like That. zany and cunning and ditzy and sadistic and etc etc. he’s charming because nobody knows why the fuck he’s Like That but you can’t help but be enamored by him because he’s very dashing… even when he’s being totally morbid!

was a total shithead growing up. absolute delinquent and hellion. only did things that interested him and thought it was funny when others tried to control him. he loved/s his family dearly but he just thought it was amusing that they thought they could ever hope to Contain him!

one of the things that Did/does interest him is baking. he loves to bake. cooking too, but not so much. His specialty is breads and pastries and he knows the recipes and motions by heart. baking is just as much of an art as it is a science.… you know… like… medicine..? sure!

values his friends and teammates. work is important, but you wont get far without willing test subjects! will always come back to and ultimately pull through for his teammates. it wouldn't be any fun if he was extremely loyal /all/ the time, right? he's got to keep them guessing!

he is an absolute chatterbox. it's part of what makes him such a ham. he’ll discuss completely ghoulish things with you - with the most jovial tone of voice - and you can’t help but find it endearing. is also nearly always Monologuing or talking to archimedes.. who can tell!

knows lots of things superficially, very few things in depth. doesn’t often have the patience to learn about everything he wants to learn about; there’s just not enough time!!

will often consult with demoman, sniper, and engineer and seek their expertise on chemistry, herbalism, and mechanics respectively. loves learning new things and hearing other people's insights!

absolutely adores the human body. expanding and contracting of the lungs, how pores work, cardiology in its entirety, why we have so many bones in our feet… he loves it all, no matter how its presented to him. cares little for the external appearances of others, too!

embraces all of his emotions and feelings and never seeks to censor them. doesn’t feel like he should smother or dilute himself for absolutely any reason. if you don’t like him, he doesn’t care. one less dummkopf to worry about!

is quite social, but not “great with people"; he’s very loud, interrupts often and will absolutely Correct you if he feels like you say something wrong. it’s nothing personal, he just values accurate information! it's probably best to not debate him, just to be on the safe side.

loves puns and jokes, but the ones he laughs at might be a little.. off-kilter! you’ll get bonus points if its a medical pun though! likes telling stories, but won't tell the same ones over and over again. the bone-stealing one is always a hit, but ask him about his other ones!

outside of doctoring, he enjoys baking, eating, botany and dove husbandry! he acquires dules of doves by stealing them, buying them, finding them, etc and treats them like family. they are very very spoiled!

is always excited about using his mediguns and furthering his research. it’s a nice bonus that he saves his teammates’ lives on the daily, but he’s often not so concerned about that part! your legs are blown off? "well, just walk it off! HAHA! HOO!"

is extremely capable of holding his own in a fight. has powerful leg muscles and a vast amount of stamina. the bigger they are, the more fun it is to knock them down! he enjoys when people underestimate him; the fight will be more fun for him that way. he does not fight fair!

while he might appear playful and jovial, he can be surprisingly difficult to get close to. he can be argumentative and abrasive, but also gentle and patient. he’s polite to most folks, but typically won’t truly open up unless he has mutual interest in the person too!

If you give him grief, he’ll remember that! Can hold a wicked grudge and enjoys when he can justify (in his own mind) holding one long-term. can be really petty, too. saw-ry!

thinks with his head: very analytical, objective. does not let his own emotions cloud his judgement when it comes to doing his job, no matter how Crazy the job might be. slip-ups are bound to happen though, he’s only… maybe.. human, after all!

doesn’t like things that are uncategorizable, uncertain, etc. He loves things being “messy” and “imperfect” but only in Very Specific ways that make sense to him! if you're "mucking about" by his standards, he's going to have very unsavory things to say to you!

does not live in his lab/infirmary. has a bedroom and utilizes it regularly, but sometimes inevitable workplace naps happen if he’s pulling an all-nighter! his quarters are simple and modest and its where he keeps his instruments and non-professional possessions.

plays the violin and accordion when he has time, and dabbles in piano! enjoys classical, jazz, swing, and klezmer music! if he doesn’t like what you put on, he won’t be shy about letting you know!!

is a great dancer. it was one of the activities his parents begged him to take up in his youth (along with instrument playing), and while he resisted it Just For Fun, he does enjoy it! if music is playing, he will either dance, clap his hands along and sing/hum if he knows the tune!

he’s jewish and while he might not be as strictly practicing as he was in his youth, it’s still a very important part of himself that he cherishes, though prefers to do so privately. It's very personal to him!

If you can teach him something, he’s all ears! loves to learn and thinks our time is best spent applying all of the fun crazy shit we learn!! what fun is being alive if you aren't figuring out how to raise hell every day that you're here?!

loves getting his hands dirty! he likes to iron his clothes and shine his shoes, but there's nothing he enjoys more than plunging his hands into whatever he does. always cleans up his messes, but has little regard for neatness while he's running amok as a doctor!

i think he is closer to doctor frank n furter than he is to any other fictional doctor in terms of personality and zaniness. he definitely has it in him to be/can be/is a sadist, but i don't think that should cancel out his bubbly personality and charisma!

#dutchfoolery #dutchiehcs #tf2 #tf2 medic #okay to rb! hehe #just yanking stuff from my threads on twt uwaa #medic #mercthreads

[mickmundy]

hiii, i really love your interpretation of spy and i love hearing you talk about him. he's sooo mischaracterized most of the time that it really hinders my enjoyment of fan material. I would live to hear you talk more about him (or spoovy hehe)

EEE SHRIEKS THANK YOU SO MUCH MY FRIEDN ;u; that means the world to me!! i'm always happy to hear that people like my thoughts on the mercs!! ;;; and i completely get that, i do the same with characters i love for that very reason! :/ buuut that's why i gotta make what i wanna see, heheehe!! >:)c i'm so happy you enjoy my characterization, i'm so honored!! ;;; <3333 i am also SO sorry that i've kept you waiting for so long, but i am so happy to finally be able to take time and answer!! :-)

i've covered a lot of bases with spy in terms of what i've posted about him kind of superficially, so perhaps i'll delve into things a little more specifically! i hope this is okay! ;o; <3333 some big headcanon chunks and some spoovy >:3 HEHEHE!

i often think about how spy operates in terms of how he expresses generosity... while he's obviously very guilty of bombarding his loved ones with gifts, food, whatever their heart could possibly desire (even if heavy insists that spy doesn't need to do any of that for him!), i think that's reserved solely for his romantic partner(s)... like heavy and scout's mom! >:3c hehe... as for anyone else, i think he prefers to control how his kindness is perceived (and if it's perceived at all!)...

i've mentioned before but little things liiiike:

taking pyro's sweets out of the oven before they burn

replacing engineer's wrench that he swore he'd lost forever (spy found it and put it in the right place on engie's tool wall)...

making sure scout always has a cold can of bonk in the fridge

and so on!

and he never wants any of them to know that those random acts of kindness come from him! he also sometimes takes it upon himself to "gently interfere" (despite his insistence that he hates doing that or refuses to do that!) in some of the affairs of his friends... a personal favorite of mine goes like this:

spy knows sniper has a hard time expressing his emotions or being vulnerable and gets kinda stubborn about it

spy "lets it slip" to medic in passing that sniper sleeps with a stuffed animal

sniper gets embarrassed and is like "SPY!!!! >:/"

medic gives sniper puppy dog eyes and is like "oh, hoo! can i please see him! ;o;" and sniper's like ";-;... really... well.. alright..." and shows him and they have a lovely night together in his van of sniper telling medic about his childhood or some kind of anecdote and getting Vulnerable and medic pulls a little suture kit out of his pocket and is like "he certainly looks well-loved... perhaps i could sew some of these (misc rips and tears and Worn Down Spots) up for him? hmm?" and sniper's like ";_; you'd do that.?.." (sniper can sew but he just never got around to repairing his lil friend) and medic is like "certainly! uUu you needn't worry, he'll be in good hands." and winks and sniper takes medic's hands in his own and kisses them and murmurs "the best.. <3" against them and then watches medic "operate"... hehehe... to which he of course does a perfect job and its very cute/intimate/romantic for both of them!

next day sniper and spy are taking a smoke break together and spy's like "... well, how did it go?" and sniper's like "how did what go- OAO WAIT..." and spy smirks and blows smoke away from their faces and hums and is like "i see. a success, then? i hope you had a good night." and sniper's like ">//M//<... yeah... we did... thanks, spy..."

like spy will sometimes just take it upon himself to push some relationships forward or do little things that he knows will improve the lives of those around him but asks for no credit in doing so... and this is where i think heavy would start to really notice him in a romantic kind of way.. he admires that spy can be flamboyantly generous but that his real bread and butter is being Anonymously (or, in a Roundabout Way) Kind... i think that kind of thing would go a long way with heavy and he'd respect it... actions speaking louder than being able to Brag that you did them and so on..

heavy confronts spy about it one time.. they're in the kitchen together and heavy sees a cloaked spy loading a few bonk cans (they're floating into the fridge from the pack scout left on the counter) and heavy grins and is like "excuse me, impressively floating cans. i would like to make a sandwich." and takes out everything he needs and moves aside so that spy can continue and has his back to spy and he can hear spy finish and close the fridge and go to dart out of the room but heavy's like "scout will be happy for cold drink. he is lucky you are watching out for him." and of course everyone (including heavy and spy) know spy is no dad of the year and that historically spy doesn't have a great track record of watching out for scout but he's trying now... and that's what heavy's acknowledging.. and spy doesn't say anything and slips out and spends the next like 2 weeks thinking about heavy and what he said, wondering if heavy will say anything to anyone or expose him.. but he doesn't. he figures spy has his reasons and respects them.

then heavy decides to go and make another sandwich a few weeks after and sits down at one of the mess hall tables first and puts his book down, starts making tea first, preparing the kettle.. and he goes to make his sandwich and he sees the ingredients floating out of the fridge and slowly making themselves into a sandwich, just the way he likes it... perfect ratio of sauces and toppings, olive meticulously skewered with a toothpick on each piece... cut neatly into four little triangles, instead of his usual two. just enough of a difference for it to be Clearly From Spy (as if it was any mystery). spy then places a glass of wine that compliments the flavors of the sandwich (spy's personal recommendation of course) beside it on the table..

heavy smiles warmly and the kettle is whistling and heavy doesn't even notice as he takes a bite of one of the sandwich pieces and he swears it tastes better since spy made it.. takes a sip of the wine and it's perfect... an absolute delight.. and he's not even typically a wine drinker but oh my gosh. and the kettle is still whistling and heavy finally notices and is like oh! and looks over and sees, through the steam, a red suited sleeve (the rest of his body is still cloaked) take it off of the stove and heavy smiles lovingly and is like "thank you, spy." and keeps eating and taking his time, savoring it... and spy's still cloaked but he feels spy brush the tips of his fingers over his broad back and hears a gentle "de rien." before the door opens and closes.. and now it makes heavy think of spy... that gentle touch with those poised and graceful fingers... how he typically hated being touched on the back, but how he loved how spy had done it just then... HEHEHE...

#spoovy #speavy #asks #anonymous #EEEEEEE I HOPE YOU ENJOY MY FRIEND ;___; ILYYY TYsM AGAINNNN ;;;; #dutchiehcs

[mickmundy]

SORRY IDK WHERE ELSE TO POST THIS. slapdash combobulation of some bushmed vampire au thoughts i’ve been knocking around in my head for the past few months. whee! i’d like to eventually turn this into a polished fic once i’m done with my main medsnip fic. i don’t want to spread myself too thin but once i get an idea its hard for my brain not to just go nyoom

Sniper is a local hunter who gets brought into this German town in the mountains to deal with population control of these “feral wolves” that have been literally plaguing a lot of land for a long time. They’re harder to kill than regular wolves and Sniper’s a talented beast-hunter so the people of the surrounding area call on him for his expertise and help with finding out wtf is up with all of these Damn Wolves!

So sniper stakes out and observes the wolves and notices that they love eating meat. Almost for Fun. And it doesn’t stop there… they’ll go so far as to lick blood off of the ground, almost draining their kills dry. Not natural for just a normal wolf… and he ends up having to engage with a few of them and shoots them dead with perfect skill (of course). He observes them for about a week before he decides to make a move.

Sniper follows them to see where their den is and they make quite a trek to this huge castle and go in through some concealed undercroft. So clearly they have a master.. but what good would it do to just have a bunch of wolves killing a bunch of people for literally no reason.. nobody in the area is particularly rich and anyone living in a castle like this wouldn’t need anything from common folk anyway. So he decides to approach the castle… and he’s not a people person really so he knocks the elaborate knocker and takes his hat off (polite.. hehe) and clears his throat and isn’t really expecting an answer but the door opens by itself… and sniper hears a booming voice from up above somewhere that’s like “Come in, Herr Hunter! I'll be with you in a moment!”

Sniper’s like ??? but brushes it off… looks up at the impressive balcony and is like 'How the fuck did he know who I was or what I did… “Hello, sorry’a bother you but is there any chance you’ve been commanding those hellhounds that’ve been bleeding the local areas like stuck pigs? S’bad for the environment, mate. So if y’don’t wrangle in your spoiled dogs, I’ll have tooo- uhh…” And at the top of the balcony… Sniper can see the swish of coattails… and then…. appears Medic… vampire Medic…!

He leans over the balcony and grins down at Sniper and is like (hello fraulines! voice ->) “Hello, Herr Hunter!” and does a giddy giggle as he leans over the balcony and is kind of sizing Sniper up… of course plenty of other people have come here to try and stop him, but never because they’d made the connection with his wolves… Ohhh.. this hunter is special! “How can I be of service to you?”

Medic is prepared to kill him like he's killed all the other hunters before him but he's kiiiinda hoping he doesn't have to kill him because he's... cute... in a scruffy bloodbag kind of way...,. and Sniper’s just totally taken aback by how friendly this vampire is so he’s like "Well-..." Clears his throat.. "I've noticed you’ve been a bit of a disturbance.... y'know.,., what with the.... your mutts feasting on the folks around here," and Sniper usually comes in super gruff etc. but Medic is just.. wow..... not like other vampires he's killed....

Vampire Medic hums and is like "Oh, ja, that... I'm afraid it can't be helped! I'm a very... very.... hungry man, after all.." Sniper swallows because well yeah, that much is obvious! And Medic smirks because he can hear sniper's heartbeat like thumpa thumpa! awooooga!!

Sniper's like "Well. Be that as it may, any chance you can stop drainin' folks like stuck pigs?" Medic puts his hands behind his back and is like "Hmm.... well, you're a business man, aren't you, huntsman? You understand that I cannot simply do these things for nothing in return." And Sniper swallows bc he knows how powerful medic is... he can practically smell it and it is not a good idea to fuck with a vampire like this! So he's trying to play his cards a certain way so that he doesn’t have to end this with conflict…

"Well... what's worth an entire town'a people? Dunno how you can just wager-" Medic leaps down from the balcony and lands gracefully on his feet and stands up straight… and Sniper has to crane his neck to look up at him because… holy dooley… that’s a big… well fed…. spoiled vampire… Medic stands at about 9 feet tall and (some) vampires grow in relation to age and how well they feed.. Crikey…!! Not bad on the eyes, either.,.,

Medic cuts him off and is like "You. I would like you! ^_^ &lt;3" Not just bc he thinks sniper is kinda cute... but he's a very good vampire hunter and he could do work for Medic so.... it seems like a good deal to him! A very fair trade…. if he was going to be going ‘on a diet’ for a little while, it would have to be worth it after all! Sniper's like “WHAT?? Y’GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!!” And Medic's like "I know you've been the one killing my wolves. I'm very impressed by you, hunter! ^v^" [VERY threatening aura despite hiii <3 vibes] and Sniper’s like “Yeah well what if I’m not interested in negotiatin’ about this, mister-(trying to be condescending)?”

Medic eyes Sniper’s knife and grins and is like “Please! call me Ludwig! (didn’t get that he was trying to be condescending) and of course then you’ll walk out of here alive, just as you came. I must say I would find it interesting that you wouldn’t leap at the chance to be the hero of the local people, though.” And would grin smugly… because sniper’s one life for the lives of the animals and humans of the entire area seems like more than a fair trade… but Sniper’s stubborn as hell and he’s a good enough person but definitely not a saint.

Sniper’s like “And what does all this mean for me? That I’d be some kinda hors d'oeuvre for you until you decide to snap my neck and drain me dry?” Medic’s eyes widen and he laughs and is like “Goodness, no! how barbaric! We shouldn’t focus on how I could kill you. Life is too short to think so heavily about how we might die.” And smirks and Sniper arches his brow, deciding to hear the vampire out..

Medic shrugs and is like “I’m a powerful vampire. I won’t reveal my age to you on our first date (pauses to grin gleefully because he can hear Sniper’s heart flutter at the mention of them being on a date), but I like my home and I intend to stay here and carry on as I’ve had. However, I am not above making compromises!” And shakes his finger and puts his hands behind his back and continues “Of course you know vampires exist. What you might not know is that we don’t all get along.” And says it kinda spitefully and Sniper’s like ???

Medic carries on and explains that vampires are constantly fighting over turf and feeding grounds and whatnot but killing another of their kind personally is… in poor taste. But if Sniper helps Medic take over other territories he won’t need to feed on this area. Less vampires means not as many people die and having both a human and a vampire working together is great for both people and vampires… “But that’s where you would come in, hunter!”

Sniper scoffs and puts his hands on his hips and is like “Y’want me to be your own personal vampire hunter. A vampire hunter that works for a vampire.” Medic hums and is like “Precisely! It has a delectable ring to it, doesn’t it! Hoo hoo!”

Medic approaches Sniper closer and Sniper's on his guard, and Medic bends over at the hip to look Sniper in the eyes and is like “I know you’re a capable hunter, mister Mundy. My wolves have told me (he can communicate with/see “through” their eyes). And if you went from being a small-time crocodile-wrestler and chose to pursue more… exhilarating prey, I can assure you that our deal will give you the thrills of a lifetime.”

Sniper’s looking into Medic’s eyes and then looks down as Medic runs his clawed hand over the sheath of Sniper’s knife holster that’s mounted on his shoulder… and Sniper clears his throat and is like “How’d you know I was-“ and looks behind Medic and sees some of the wolves and looks back at him... Medic smiles toothily and shows off his fangs… and well… the bushman's always admired pretty sets of teeth… control yourself Sniper!

“Imagine this kinda servitude is for life, then.” Medic chuckles and is like “You won’t be trapped here, you’re not my ward. You don’t even have to live here, though I’d be happy to supply you with the finest living quarters you could imagine. Fed, paid, and free as a bird. I do require that in regards to other vampires, your loyalty will be only to me. Of course, there would have to be.. unfortunate repercussions should you betray my interests for another vampire’s.” Sniper snorts and is like “You’re out of your bloody mind.” And Medic laughs…

“Certainly!" He agrees, "So go on and think about it, and come back to me if you decide to take me up on it. The offer is always open.” So Sniper leaves and goes back to the village and gathers up his stuff and finds the locals and tells them “Found a way to deal with the wolves. Gonna take care of it at their den. Shouldn’t be a bother anymore.” They pay him and Sniper stays there for a few more days while he thinks about that vampire’s offer…

Late at night he arrives to Medic’s castle and sees the wolves growling at him as he approaches, but then.,., they stop once they smell him and sit politely! Sniper’s like ???…. and he kicks the door a few times to knock (his hands are full) and the door opens again and Medic smiles pleasantly and is like "I didn't think I'd see you again, huntsman! Welcome back," and Sniper's heart flutters and Medic can hear it… <3 but Sniper stays on the porch.

“I stay, y’leave those people alone. There’s plenty’a eating around here if you’re not greedy about it.” Medic snorts and is like "My pets must eat, you understand (they hunt for him and he can Get Energy from them through blood synthesis. i have a lot of thoughts on this BUT to keep it short lets go with this). As must I. what do you—”

Sniper reaches down and grabs raw meat, intestines, etc. he’s brought and starts tossing it to the wolves outside in the snow, and Medic's pupils dilate at the smell. He knew Sniper must have hunted it (ethically) from local wildlife… and he’d brought it to keep them good on their word… which Medic appreciates because he didn’t have to do that. It’s not anywhere near as good as living blood (truly “fresh”), but the gesture is nice.

Medic’s like “Oh, and are you going to be taking me up on the living quarters?” and sees Sniper’s bags and stuff at his feet looking like a homeless lil hunter and Sniper frowns and is like “‘Course. Clear i don’t live around here, isn’t it?” Medic grins toothily and hums and effortlessly picks up Sniper’s bags for him and is like “Abundantly. Come along then, hunter! I’ll show you to your wing!”

Medic shows Sniper to his quarters which is nicer than anywhere he's ever lived! He's in total awe of the place and that it has electricity and is just so bloody nice… and now he’s living here too… holy dooley. Medic shows Sniper to his “room” which is more like a huge wing that has its own balcony, bathroom, bedroom with a big fireplace, lots of windows…. very very nice. But Sniper’s still totally suspicious!

Medic’s like “I hope it is to your liking! You can of course alter it any way you’d like. I’ll leave you alone for now to get plans for your dinner started. Is steak alright? Oh! And we can start our real work tomorrow!” Like calling behind him as he’s standing at the door…

Sniper’s like this is too good to be true. what the fuck. But instead says “Right. so when do you eat my heart out of my chest then?" and the vampire stops with his back to Sniper and turns his head and gives him a toothy smile and is like "When you beg me to. And not a moment sooner. :) Gute Nacht, Herr Mundy." and delights in the sound of the pounding pounding pounding of Sniper’s heart as he retreats to his main quarters and thinks about his handsome hunter... who is now all his... hoo!

Sniper swallows and is like Wrow… Ummm Okay.,, Hot.,,., and as time goes by he starts to get used to the fancy lodgings and the fact that somehow/somewhy Medic isn't killing him and is actually holding up his end of the bargain, and they're getting so comfortable coexisting together that even a few of Medic's wolves start to warm up to him... and sometimes Medic looks out his Brooding Window to see Sniper playing in the snow with them or them falling asleep in front of the fireplace together... and they start to fall in love... hehehe

okay yeah. as soon as my main bushmed fic is done im polishing this up what the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!! i need them to fuck nasty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#dutchiehcs #dutchfoolery #bushmedicine #hehehehehehehee.... #i ALSO have an idea for a vamp sniper human medic one too >:) but i haven't written anything down for it yet! #vamphunter medsnip