#during which i had to repeatedly steer him away from bringing up his divorce WITH MY MOM as an example | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ombreecha · 7 years

Text

I do

Series: Lifetimes Fandom: Naruto Pairing: SasuSaku Rated: T Prompt: I burned so long so quiet you must have wondered if I loved you back. I did, I did, I do.

When she had told him on the phone she had filed for divorce he had not taken her seriously. That was just one of the many mistakes he has made throughout his life. His wife would have never joked about something like that. This woman of pale pink, and pale oceanic green had promised so many things from the start of their relationship to now. She had promised her patience. She had promised her attention. She had promised to always give for better or for worse.

She had not promised to leave, and desert him when the fighting and the arguments became too much to bare. She had not promised to abandon him after tearful screams echoed throughout their home. She had not promised all of which led to the papers that lay neatly upon his kitchen table.

He had not taken her seriously—he should have always taken each argument, teardrop, and shattered voice seriously. He remembered her frustration behind his lackadaisical expression, and his refusal to speak up. He had been to preoccupied under the idea that she would forever stand beside him no matter the strain and frustration it had caused her.

It's here as his fingers run across the papers that would end his marriage that he feels the magnitude of what his world was becoming. He had been gone from her side well before now. He had allowed his work to take him from her. He had allowed himself to create the disconnect that lead to this. He had allowed her to break every promise she had ever made when she said she would be with him until death did they part.

How many times had she tried to reconnect through the simplest of attempts—a text on his phone, a call to his office, an attempt to see him before his next meeting. Fingers found their way to his fringe pulling upon it tenderly letting his lids fall shut as his breath comes from deep within him to settle his frantic heartbeat.

There is the desire to blame it all on her. Yet there was no doubt this was his fault. She had continued to repeatedly give in their marriage—over and over again until there was nothing left of the woman she had been when she walked down that aisle. His phone vibrates within his pocket desperate to bring him from his thoughts that render him trapped within this moment. How many times had he known he needed to be the one apologizing, but let his selfishness keep him from doing so?

She's not even within their apartment and yet he can't help but feel her within every aspect of their home. She was down the hall sitting upon the couch eating ice cream and yelling at the latest episode of one of her favorite dramas, she was within their bedroom reading one of her many large medical books, and she was there smiling at him from the kitchen table as she eats her dinner.

Finding her would be easy if he truly wanted too. There was only one person she continued to turn to within their marriage whenever there was problems. Her blonde best friend surly hated his guts, and was most likely pushing her to go with divorce. Going to the house of her blonde best friend in the middle of the night though would only push her further away. That he was sure of more than anything.

Thoughts of how to salvage his crumbling marriage are what take him to sit exhausted upon the couch within their living room. Loosening his tie only makes him want to sink deeper within the couch as he brings his hands to rest upon his lap with his ebony staring upon the ceiling. What words would he need to find to keep her there? At what point had been too much for his wife? Was it the late nights? Had it been his stubbornness? When had he missed all the signs that she had, had enough?

He knew his marriage had been breaking little by little but there was always the assumption that it would sort itself out. The scowl that sets within his face forces his fingers to come up and pinch his nose. His pocket vibrates once more and it only makes him let out a huff of frustration at who would dare continue to try and gain his attention.

He needed out of this house but unlike her he would not run to his own blonde best friend for comfort. He would not give way to the lingering reality that this was probably unsalvageable after letting his marriage fall so far from his fingers. Sakura never did anything halfheartedly. If she had gone to this point she meant every bit of it, but just the same she should know that he was also never halfhearted and when he had asked her hand he had intended forever.

A groan escapes his lips before forcing himself from the couch and dragging his business jacket close behind him and over his shoulder. Driving would provide some form of release. It would help to settle his mind, and help him think.

It's deep within the night—two in the morning if he's to trust the watch upon his wrist—that he has settled for parking at a random diner. He has no appetite and he has no desire to remove himself from the car. He wonders if all the fears she had were what fears he felt tonight. Did she fear that they had permanently disconnected along this road of life just as he fears they have? Does she fear that he had no desire to spend forever with her just as he felt her desire for divorce claimed she did? Was there fear that he did not love her just as he feared she no longer loved him after gazing upon the divorce paperwork?

Fear—it's drowning him and as it submerges him he can only come up with the most frantic of ideas to piece their marriage back together.

He would beg her at this point. He would do anything she asked. He would give her all that he could. She had known he was not good at conveying things. She had known he was selfish. She had known he was unbelievably thickheaded. She had said yes knowing all of these things, and yet here she was opting out, and that, that right there is what makes him livid, and panicked.

He had loved her. He had wanted her. He still wants her. He still loves her.

He still wants to walk this road of life with her. He still wants to wake up to her cooking them breakfast, and welcoming him home after long hours at the office. He still wants her to be beside him when he wakes up for work. He still wants her to do so much with him.

God—he was so unbelievably selfish. When was the last time he had let her sleep in on her day off? When was the last time he welcomed her home? When was the last time he cooked breakfast, lunch, and dinner for her? When was the last time he picked her up from her shifts at the hospital? When was the last time he came home early from work to surprise her? When was the last time he had done anything for her?

Fingers grip the steering wheel at these thoughts. This is what had left them so broken within their marriage. He was always repeatedly taking everything and never giving back. He cannot contain the anger as he hits his steering wheel with the palm of his hand repeatedly. He could not let her go. There was no other life for him outside of her. He feels the sting within his eyes as they glass over and curses fall from his mouth. His vision is blurring he feels his voice giving way to shuddered breaths.

He needed to clear his head and fast. He could not let himself crumble within his car late at night within the parking lot of some random run down diner.

He does though. He does sits there and he does let out a strangled cry as he digs his fingers within his ebony hair. He does let the anxiety out as his palms press against his eyes. He does let the fear of losing her give way to the grossest of crying sessions within his car.

He doesn't know when the sun started to rise. He doesn't know at what point he stopped crying. He doesn't know when he had wiped his face of it's mixture of snot and tears. He doesn't know at what point his anxiety had taken control and had him driving from the diner. He doesn't even know if she's working as he marches himself in the hospital ignoring her coworkers who greet him. He doesn't even know what he plans to say as he grips the door knob of her office letting himself in without knocking. He doesn't even know what to do when she's standing there startled before him gazing back at him with her oceanic green eyes.

"Sasu—" She might still leave him before the end of this rambling session he's started when cutting her off, but goddammit he won't let her say another word until he's done doing whatever it is he's doing.

"I am selfish. I am the most selfish man on the planet—but Goddammit Sakura how could you possibly think I'd sign those papers. You deserve better. You deserve more than I've ever given you in the nine years we've been together. You deserved better during the first four of them when we dated. You deserved better in the five years that you've been my wife, but goddammit I am a selfish man and I'm not letting you just call it quits on your terms. You promised when you said yes that you would stand beside me. You promised when you said I do that we would be together till we died. You promised you would be there. You lied to me. You fucking lied. You're running from us—from me." he is all hurried and is making no sense and his voice is hoarse and staggering as he sits here yelling at her with his scowl decorating his face, and goddammit he is far from done as she reaches her hand out to him in the distance between them with her wide doe-eyes, "What am I supposed to do if you leave? What am I supposed to do—" he's fallen into pleading, and he knows he's pathetic as his voice gets caught in his throat trying to summon whatever power he has left to hold back tears he thought were long since shed throughout the night within his car.

Those eyes of hers, doe-eyed and wide, are glassed over and he can see the tears threatening to fall. This is just another thing he cannot do right in what little is left of their marriage. He can see her taking in his mess of a state. He knows he can't hide the bags under his eyes, and the red of his whites. He knows she can see his clothes wrinkled upon him—his business jacket is still in the back seat of his car. He knows she can see him pleading before her decorated in anger.

"Sasuke-kun, I didn't—I didn't think you wanted this anymore." her lips are trembling as she gives out the most heavyhearted of voices.

"God—What could possibly have made you think that?" she's let her tears fall, and god he just wants to grab a hold of her, "Why would you think that? How could you think that?" his steps carry him to her lessening the distance between them as he continues to shout at her.

He's weaved his fingers through her hair, and she's wrapped her arms around his neck. Her tears are wetting his neck and disheveled white button up shirt. Her arms are tightening around his neck as he's pressing her, if possible, closer to him. He's chanting every sorry he's ever needed to say for every fight they've ever had. He's whispering every sorry for every missed special occasion, and every time he's ever given her the idea that he didn't want her anymore. He's giving every apology he can think of and he's only hoping this will keep her standing beside him.

No one has dared to interrupt whatever it is they think is happening within her office. He had forgotten to shut the door behind him when he burst into her office. She's resided to shuddered breaths to calm herself within his grasp as they pull only slightly away from each other. They dare not to remove their gazes from each other. He can only press his forehead to hers as he gives soothing rubs to her cheeks.

"I didn't think you loved me—not anymore." she finally whispers in the silent room.

"I did. I did goddammit—No. I do. God, I do." he chants back hurriedly to erase any fear or doubt that could possibly reside within his wife.

He feels her step upon the balls of her feet as she comes closer pressing her lips to his, and he has no intention of letting her lead the way—she's been leading their marriage for far to long. He's tilting his head to gain a better angle as he kisses back. Her fingers have taken hold of his shirt, and he's leading them somewhere. He doesn't have a clue if it's the wall or her desk that she bumps back into. He doesn't frankly care. He doesn't care about anything that isn't her right now.

All at once though it ends, and the silence now is filled with their breathing. He had pushed them to her desk, and his fingers are sprawled along it keeping her right where he wants her as he tries in vain to find oxygen. Her fingers have yet to release him, and he can only pray they don't within her own attempts to steady her breathing. Her forehead comes to his shoulder, and she is tightening her grip within his shirt as her breathing finally starts to slow. It beckons him trail his fingers from the top of her desk to grab a hold of her legs and pull her to sit upon it. His lips find her ear as he continues to give way to his confession that had brought them to this. His marriage had started with this phrase, and he would keep her with this phrase. He would utter it anytime she questioned his love for her. He would whisper it to her at night as she slept beside him. He would chant it as many times as he possibly needed too. He would quell her fears. He would wash away her doubts. He would forever say I do and more if she would keep walking down this road called life with him.

He feels her fingers relax their grip within his repeated words, and it makes panic rise within him and they spill out faster as if it'll keep her from letting him go. He feels his heart squeeze painfully as her fingers let him go, and now she's chanting back to him as those fingers of hers make their way to his face, "I won't go anywhere."

She's repeating it for every I do that falls from him.

"Sakura I've got breakfa—"

They've both been brought to silence at her blonde best friend standing in the doorway with a bag in one hand and cup carrier carrying two cups of coffee in the other. Her blue eyes are eyeing him and it only solidifies the fact that he knows she hates him. There is panic she'll sway his wife from this thing he's doing—whatever it is—and will destroy whatever hope he's gained from her claims to stay with him.

The blonde's brows are pinched together as she spits venom at him, "What are you doing here?"

He doesn't speak unsure of where to go from here. He knows he needs to say something, anything for that matter, to keep this woman from stopping his attempts to save his marriage.

"Ino. Stop." he cannot stop himself from whipping his head to his wife who stares upon her blonde best friend. It only takes moments at his wife's command before the blonde's footsteps are heard. He sees the roll of her eyes, and the scowl upon her own face before being out of sight.

"We need to do this somewhere else. You're going to be late for work, and I have appointments." she sounds pained in these moments.

"I'll be home—I'll be there." he knows there's panic in his voice, and as if to quell it she's running her fingers through his hair.

It's with a nod from her that he finally releases her from upon her desk. She's walking him out the door of the hospital. The silence between them is suffocating, and he doesn't know what to expect and the unknown of that makes him want to refuse to leave her side. As if she knows this though she grasps his hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze before telling him she'll see him at home.

He had loved her. He had wanted her. He still wants her. He still loves her.

He finds those thoughts to be the ones that keep him distracted from his work as he sits at his desk. All who have seen him have darted from his direction. He has straightened his tie out in the parking lot, and he has placed his jacket upon his shoulders hoping to hide his wrinkled shirt. His phone vibrates and it's now that he finally pulls it from his pocket. He has three unread texts. Two are from his blonde best friend, Naruto. One is from his wife. It's no question which one he opens.

Sitting back within his chair he lets out a sigh of relief. Her text is washing away his fear. Her text is echoing within his mind. He can hear her voice as he reads it over and over again.

I love you Sasuke-kun.

His response to the outsider seems completely off the mark, but he knows that she'll understand. He knows she'll see the love behind those two little words that he had said during their wedding. He knows she'll see the love behind those same two words he repeated in her office.

I do.

#ssfanfiction #sasusaku fanfiction #sasusaku fanfic #ssfanfic #sasusaku #ombree:fics #ombree:lifetimes

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