#don't worry about asking permission we put it online for a reason :3 In fact PLEASE use it

[beyond-a-name]

Polymour

I invented a word to describe someone you love

Polymour:

(noun) A person with whom you share a deep and intimate connection that is distinctly polyamorous and non-amatonormative; someone you love and share a relationship with, especially a relationship-anarchistic, non-romantic, and/or queerplatonic relationship

denotes love, significance, non-exclusivity, and a freedom from role-defined relationships

I think that practical use is the single best way to learn a new word, and certainly the best way to create one, so here's the gap in my life this word was made to fill.

So I've been in love with two people for a while, and we're all a-spec and very poly, and I'm very relationship anarchist. Relationship anarchy is in fact the only relationship model that makes any sense to me, that accurately works well with how I feel and doesn't feel like a trap, contract, or obligation.

I don't really like the word "partner", but these two people I loved and connected with, one of them did use the word partner and I wanted the validity of their other relationships. We will call this person MV.

The other person I connected with and loved, well they felt even more trapped by romance than I did, and it was clear we cared about each other very much, but "partner" was never going to be a word to enter their vocabulary, and I wanted to share in that too. We will call this person V.

So, I was MV's partner and V's friend, but to me, these felt the same. I loved them the same way, and our relationship structure was identical. They were (and are) both deeply important to me, but both words seemed insufficient. Speaking to anyone else, "partner" felt more obligatory than the way MV so freeingly used it, and "friend" sounded way more distant than the intimacy V put behind it. I didn't like either word, but more than anything, it hurt that I couldn't just say I loved them. It upset me that I loved them the same but our words were different.

What really sealed it was talking to a colleague about my two loves, I said MV was my partner and friend, and that V would never describe themself in those terms but that I loved them both the same. My colleague listened, and was happy for me, and it really seemed like they got it!

The next time I saw them, they had bought me two movie tickets, for me and my partner. It was sweet, but I could only think about how to upgrade the tickets to include all three of us, thinking those two would each go to Mv and V and I'd buy my own ticket to share treat them both to the movies and- And it hurt.

It was only a few days after that I invented this word in the shower. And it works so beautifully for us!!!!! V could relax because they knew that our love for them wasn't going to be the amatonormative trap we'd both suffered, and MV was just as relieved as I was to have a word that wasn't still so romancey and role-defined. We have a way to tell people that we're important to each other without worrying about those people's pressures or expectations, because well, we invented it.

Like everything good about relationship anarchy, instead of roles and contracts or hierarchy, we just get to focus on the love we feel.

When someone hasn't heard this word (because they obviously haven't), instead of managing someone else's baggage, we just get to teach them how we all love each other.

So it works well, for me and my polymours.... <3

#polyamory #relationship anarchy #amatonormativity #a spec #aromantic #asexual #queerplatonic #polyamorous #queer #polymour #I'm really happy to share this one :3 #If you put it on a wiki or online resource somewhere please let me know! That'd be so exciting to know other people want to learn and use it #don't worry about asking permission we put it online for a reason :3 In fact PLEASE use it