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#doesnt even have the energy to keep up the pretense of being normal around other officers anymore
columboscreens · 2 years
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vore-scientist · 3 years
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Return of the Dragon King pt 1: Prison Break
[A non-sexual high fantasy GT/vore story with both hard/fatal+ other fantasy violence and safe/soft]
This story is a prose adaptation of an RP between @vixen525 and I. It takes place in one of her worlds and features mostly her characters.
Summary/Pitch: Separated from Sophia by the evil (and illegitimate) Prince Nero, Yonah must rescue his princess from Nero's devious clutches. With a collection of quirky fantasy characters as allies, Yonah aims to bring an end to Nero's reign and return the rightful heir to the throne.
But before that, he must escape from one of Nero’s prisons.
Story General Warnings: Return of the Dragon King overall will contain hard/fatal vore (in an intense fantasy violence style) along with soft/safe (the good stuff). Themes of abuse and torture as well. (There may be one instance of soft fatal that if I ever get that far I’ll warn for that specifically but it’s so far off from this it may never get written down)
Chapter Specific Warnings: This chapter contains all the story general warnings. This is NOT the chapter with soft/fatal. It’s hard only. It very much treads the line between hard vore and just standard fantasy violence. This part contains a very brief mention of attempted (and failed) sexual assault.
Onto the story:
----
For the 20th night in a row Yonah was replaying the moment in his mind, and like the 19 times before, this time was slightly worse than before.
It started with merriment, feasting, dancing, joking. Then transitioned to screaming, to blood, to Sophia being dragged away and him unable to stop it. And finally ended with waking up here, on a hard stone floor, in a room with no windows, with cold metal around his ankles and a chain attached to a back corner. With a terrible pounding in his head and an indescribable weight upon his core.
While he wondered why it had happened. Why this diplomatic mission to another world had been under false pretenses, however it wasn’t really worth dwelling on. He wasn't going to get answers here. All that he knew was he had failed. He had failed to protect Sophia. His charge. His friend. His princess. She was taken and he had let it happen!
After his 5th day in the prison cell he had given up trying to escape. Whatever that pressure was, pushing on his core, it stopped his magic. He had woken up without his robe, staff, and hat. For a normal wizard that would be a problem, but Yonah HaEsh was half FireWitch in addition to half giant. He had his own natural magic! Surely he could melt the cuffs and bars.
Nope. He could see the air shimmer with heat around his hands. He was generating magic, but it seemed to be… negated as soon as he tried to release it. All it succeeded in doing was make him tired. And hungry.
He was so hungry. The prison guards were giving him just enough food and water to stay alive for reasons that were beyond him. So he spent most of his time laying on the floor. Conserving his energy. For what purpose? For what event? None at all. He just hoped. And cried. Or at least tried to. His tears had long since dried up.
The screech of the prison bars sliding open grated upon his ears and he drew a harsh breath but did not give the guards the satisfaction of interacting with him. He had tried to rush at them a few times, just to have a little fun. But the chains weren’t long enough to let him reach the bars. All his antics got him was humiliation.
“Oy! Halfbreed Thing, you’re in luck,” came the voice of a nameless guard, “the warden decided to give you a treat tonight!”
Yonah didn’t respond. It was clearly sarcasm.
“He also said if you don’t eat up, you get nothing for a week!” And the door was closed again.
He still did not look. He had decided he wasn’t going to even touch what they had assumedly given him. It was probably poisoned, or drugged. Or both. He drew another breath.
That smell.
He finally looked. His heart racing. They wouldn’t… would they?
Standing with her back against the bars was a young woman with straight black hair, wearing a similar tattered outfit as himself. She must have been cold, and scared, but she was not shaking. Instead she stared right into his eyes. The fear in them was evident.
Now that his ears were no longer ringing he could hear her breathing. She was trying to calm down.
Apparently she succeeded. As she talked first.
"So... I guess they put you in here because you use magic too?" her voice was weak, and her accent thick upon his ears but he understood her well enough.
Yonah did not respond right away. Carefully he sat up, leaning against the back wall where his chains were connected, rattling them as they piled up.
“Well they certainly didn’t throw you in here so you could be my pet.” he snorted steam with his words, happy he could still do that much, and pleased him to see her concern at this display. So perhaps he could have some fun, even as her scent started to permeate his cell, leading his thoughts in another direction.
“No…” she answered, not moving any closer. “I doubt they’ve been feeding you well. I suspect they threw me in here in hope that you’d eat me.”
Yeah no shit. Had she heard the guard? Or was she too scared to listen. He had listened, even if he pretended otherwise.
“Being tossed a person to eat. How barbaric. Do they think I am some sort of feral animal?” His voice was hoarse with dehydration, and conflict. For he was considering eating her. Yonah HaEsh, despite being half giant, was not above eating smallfolk, if necessary. And she certainly smelled…delectable.
She shook her head “Many giants wouldn't hesitate if hungry enough… They may be normally polite to smaller folk but when half starved? All bets are off”
Yonah nodded, “I suppose so… Though I am only half giant.” He couldn't do more than suppose, as he did not know anything about giants of this world, though he remembered seeing one at Prince Nero’s castle. A little less than twice as tall as his own mother, and his mother was over 40ft tall! What he did know was that giants in his world would be tempted just like him, and while they were also normally polite… ish… their own survival was more important than the life of someone they did not know.
So why was he holding back? Well for one thing, she was out of reach. For another… He did not like the idea of being fed a person, it was insulting. The idea was nearly offensive enough to scare his hunger away. Nearly.
“Why you?” he hissed. Trying to chase away the remaining offensive thoughts. The mental images of grabbing her, sinking his fangs into her soft tasty flesh, and using his jaws and hands to rip her apart. The thoughts of how delicious it would be to finally satiate his hunger properly for the first time in weeks.
It took her a long minute to answer “I… keep escaping. I got out the door this time, nearly made it to the outer wall.”
“Ohhhh, curious” he breathed out, glad his ‘treat’ turned out to be interesting enough to distract his thoughts with. “You do not look like an escape artist. Or are you of hidden talents?”
She shook her head “The magic they use to… nullify the magic of others… doesn’t work on me. And my own magic doesnt like that im captive and kept… helping me escape”
Ohhhhh fascinating. He did not say out loud this time. “Sounds like you are a handful. Though perhaps you are rather, a mouthful. Or two in my case.” he smiled with all his fangs.
She swallowed nervously “Y-yes”
“Why don’t they just kill you? Are you important?”
She shook her head again “They are waiting for the execution order. That’s… why I’m here.”
“What do you mean by that?”
She took a breath. “If another prisoner kills me… they don’t lose their capital funding for executing a prisoner without the proper paperwork…”
“That’s where I come in” and he snarled “I don’t like being used as a tool. And I don't really want to eat you”
She nodded “That’s… good”
“But I am hungry.”
“Oh…”
“Why are you in this prison?”
She looked away. “I… killed someone. With magic.”
More fascinating by the second. “Why, would you do that.”
It was an obvious struggle for her to answer “It wasn’t… it wasn’t intentional. He pinned me up against a wall and started tearing off my clothes. My magic just... reacted. The next thing I knew he was dead”
Yonah snorted again “Should have been intentional!”
“I haven't had any formal training! My magic just happens!”
“Shame” he sighed. “Do you know why I am here?” he asked, changing the subject.
“You’re… a mage. A rogue one. Like I am.”
That was new to him, “A rogue mage?”
“Practicing magic is highly regulated, don’t you know?”
“No.” Yonah saw that made her very confused “I am not of this world”
She seemed to accept this easily. This world seemed to be more comfortable with the idea of other worlds than his own, which had only started to make contact with new realities. He had also decided she didnt need to know his story yet. For he had not made up his mind on keeping her alive, or eating her. If he ate her, then it would have been a waste of breath to tell his own tale of woe.
He tugged on his chains to pile them up and keep them from getting tangled. And for the next few minutes he occupied himself with this task.
“They stop-”
Yonah looked at her so fast his neck cricked. She started again.
“They stopped using shackles on me because the chains kept breaking. Perhaps I could” she took a single step forward, and seeing that Yonah did not react, took another. “I’m sure you would appreciate more freedom of movement.” She took another step.
“Well not all of us are so damn talented now are we?!” he growled. She took two steps back.
“Im trying to help you! Maybe I can figure out how to get it to work on you too!”
“A self proclaimed untrained mage!” he spat “and why would you help a monster like me?”
For as much as he wanted to be civil, he was also a monster. And as much as he tried to fight the temptation to be monstrous, he did not know if he could succeed.
“It wasn’t being a monster that got you in trouble! It was magic.”
She sounded very sure of that.
Yonah snorted “That is your own assumption”, and turned around to lay his head on the chains, facing the corner.
After a few minutes he heard her soft footsteps, and he craned his neck to look. She had gotten a lot closer than he expected and was reaching for his chains. She was clearly in the mood to help him. Unfortunately he was in a mood to play with his would be treat instead, and he did not have any confidence that she could help, so why not have fun.
“Are you sure that’s wise little morsel?” he sighed with a fanged smile.
Amazingly she did not back up but touched chains by his ankles.
“No. But sooner or later they will get the execution order signed. So my odds of survival are shit. But they are better if I free you.”
Yonah made his eyes glow with what fire he had left “Are they better? You said you were untrained.”
She looked embarrassed, “I’m hoping I can practice on these chains of yours. My magic does disable the nullification. We can work together to get out.”
“Untested magic is dangerous” yonah growled “Maybe I should just eat you!” he snapped his teeth.
Still she did not leave. Instead she stood up and glared at him “So what? I die and you survive another week until the next council meeting and your execution is approved?”
Yonah narrowed his eyes “Maybe I dont care about that anymore.” but he does not move either. “You dont know why im truly here. Maybe I deserve this!”
His fiery eyes still on hers, she retaliated “I dont care if you do! I need to get free, and I cant on my own. You want to be free to dont you? If I can use my magic, I can break these chains, disable the anti-magic on this room, save us both!”
Yonah rolled his eyes, losing their staring contest. He did not stop her from continuing her investigations of the chains. But his mind wandered, until he exclaimed.
“Maybe you’re a plant! Instead of using me to kill you, you’re here to kill me!” he jerked the chains away from her.
“I’m unarmed!” she insisted and scrambled forwards to maintain contact with the metal.
“You said they cannot chain you, that their anti-magic shit doesnt work on you, so yours does work, and it’s killed someone before!” He knew that this new panic was not helping him in the slightest, and yet he did not care.
“Most of my magic isn’t working! I just somehow break chains and disable the magic nullification! I don’t know how it works or how to activate it! But the fact I can means they want me dead so they stop having to catch me! And magic isn’t allowed and I definitely don’t have the indicator that I have special permission, those are super obvious.”
Yonah blinked “Could be lies! You could be spitting lies! Permission to use magic. How ridiculous”
“Everyone knows that the few legal mages have face tattoos to make them obvious”
Yonah breathed steam again and finally she backed away from the painful heat. “I dont! I don’t know anything about this world! You could say anything and I wouldn’t know if it was truth or lies!”
“Oh… right” she looked at her feet “You aren't from this world. That must suck as much as my own problems with my memory…”
She rambled a little more about how she was definitely a prisoner, it was obvious from her malnutrition, and that despite not being able to be kept in chains she had marks on her wrists and ankles from the failed attempts.
But Yonah was not listening anymore. Once again he turned away and was trying to cry himself to sleep.
So she took the opportunity to touch the chains near his ankles again.
“Careful now!” he hissed without looking at her. “You don’t want to get burned” Hearing her yelp as she touched the chains, which he had put his mind to pumping his fire into. Maybe he couldn’t melt them, but he could make them painful to touch.
He heard her curse, and then the chains rustled again as she grit her teeth and grasped the half giant sized links, whining in pain and holding back tears. 3 seconds were all she could manage before she had to stumble back, sitting on the ground and blowing on her burnt hands.
Yonah sat up and looked at the chains. He did not let his face show any surprise as he found rust and cracks that had not been there before.
“Wow. It didnt work. Big fucking surprise, some help you were, but I guess you were telling the truth about being being put here for me to eat.” he lay back down. “Maybe I’ll do that in the morning.”
Suddenly the pain in her hands was not as important as what the half giant had said.
“It started to work! But I couldnt hold on long enough!” she wailed, “I tried! I really tried, to help you’re sorry ass!”
“And you FAILED” he snorted back.
“Only temporarily!” she insisted
“And look where it got me. Nowhere. I’m going to sleep”
“If the chains were just a little cooler! Then maybe-”
“I told you to be careful. You have only yourself to blame for your failures and your injuries” he stated, fully aware it was his fault. And that he was sabotaging himself. And yet he couldn't stop himself.
“I was trying to help you. You don’t have to be so rude. We are stuck in the same situation and I am trying to make a difference.”
“I dont have to be polite either. Now you’re the one being rude, keeping me awake”
She crossed her arms in defiance of her own fear “You’re kind of an asshole. I thought maybe we could work together to escape but apparently you’d rather stay and be executed.” She stood up, glancing at her hands, “Guess I’ll just try to figure out how to disable the nullification and escape without you if you really are that opposed to working together.” She turned and walked back to the cell bars before sitting down again.
Yonah looked away, no longer amused by her company, for he was too tired, and too hungry, too angry. Mostly at himself for heating up the chains.
Of course, he couldn't sleep, even though he wanted to do so. After about 10 minutes he glanced at the human, who was making hand motions at the bars. He could just barely feel the sparks of magic failing to become embers at her will.
That got boring really quickly, and he noticed that, unlike earlier, she was shivering. Not with fear…
“You’re wasting your time, little one”
She gasped and jumped from her sitting position, nearly toppling over. He was not asleep like she had assumed. And now he was staring at her with those glowing eyes again, full of fire and hunger.
“I am not giving up” she yawned and shook even worse, “I have no desire to be executed, not by the prince, and not by you!”
Yonah’s eyes dimmed with compassion, “You can try again in the morning. You keep this up and you’re going to freeze to death”
To his surprise she snarled at him, “What do you care!? You obviously arent worried about execution, and I dont have much else to do at the moment!”
Yonah rolled his eyes “Do you want a warm place to sleep or not? I’m only offering once. Can’t imagine you’ve had a warm bed in a while”
“I- what?” she paused, processing what he said, “Warmth… sounds wonderful… But you talked about eating me in the morning!” so she did not step near him.
“I said maybe. So you don't have to worry about it until then” He considers for a moment “I’m still making up my mind. I dont want to be used as an execution method, but I am starving. However” he yawned, his fangs looking larger than before, “I promise not to eat you tonight, and I am very warm if you want to sleep in my arms.”
“This room is absolutely freezing…” she admitted, “But I dont like the idea of you waking up before me to have a snack!”
She still looked hesitant so he added “Tiddles won’t be able to bring anything with you still visibly uneaten”
Now her fear was replaced almost entirely with confusion “Tiddles?”
“One of the little guards who did this to us. Sneaks me food most nights. If he comes tonight, I promise that I will let you try again, in the morning, to break the chains, before I resume considering whether or not to eat you. How does that sound?”
“How… likely is this Tiddles to show up?”
“He appears most nights, but not the last, and he never skips more than one night in a row.”
“How about you promise to let me try again, regardless of if Tiddles shows up!” she was not about to take such a chance.
Yonah scrunched up his face “Fine.”
“Alright, that’s much better.” she took a step towards him again “It means you have to let me go, and you wont think about eating me until after I get to genuinely try to free us”
“If you’re not tucked out of sight soon, I dont get fed, and I’ll have have a much harder time not thinking about it” he threatened “Tiddles can’t claim he thought I ate you if you’re standing alive at the front of the cage!”
A few more steps, she was almost within reach… “Fine… I guess… I just want to try a couple more times, it will be quick”
His patience waring thin he made his eyes flash “but I want to sleep, and to get fed”
“It will only take a moment!” she stopped just out of reach.
“Tiddles often manages to get me an entire barrel of crap! I’ll be willing to share” his mind now on the food, he couldnt think of much else.
“Im starting to figure it out though”
Why was she so insistent! This was not the time! “You’re tired, and cold, and hungry. You try any more magic and you’ll just pass out.”
He had gotten to his knees but he deflated a bit, lowering down into a position not unlike a crouching dragon “So I offer one more time than I said I would. A warm place to sleep. A proper meal. Or you refuse, and I get angrier, I get hungrier, and you stay cold and my only option for dinner”
She hesitated and finally sighs, “You are probably right... I just got so close to escaping today... I was gonna use a wind spell to blast open all the doors when one of them tackled me...” She took the step forward that got her within reach, and Yonah slowly reached around her, stopping her rambles. “But maybe after a rest I’ll have better success”
Having held back long enough, yonah scooped her up and returned to his corner to curl around his new teddy bear, thin and cold as it was. In contrast, his own embrace is soft, pillow-like even. And warm. So very very warm. She tensed in his grip for only a moment before calming down and closing her eyes with a deep sigh.
“By the way, I didnt introduce myself. My name is Savina”
Not resisting the urge, Yonah nuzzled her with his face, his normally neatly trimed facial hair overgrown and tangled and in need of a wash. He was drinking in her scent, even if he was resisting getting a taste, “I didn’t introduce myself either. Now shut up or I’ll put your head in my mouth to shut you up. I hear Tiddles”
As he was facing the back wall, it appeared as if he was alone in his cell, as the footsteps got closer, along with scraping noise and soon, a jingling of keys. Unlike earlier, the screech of the door opening was not so bad, knowing what it meant.
“You awake big guy? Damn this thing is so heavy… I managed to get a lot of scraps so it’s not mostly water this time! Probably tastes just as bad as all the rest, worse since I couldn’t sneak any salt in... but better than nothing right?”
The only response Tiddles got was a slight movement of Yonah’s head. His bushy mane of unkempt black hair shifting. Then two orange lights appeared. The giant's eyes locked on him with anticipation and hatred.
The guard, Tiddles, who couldn't have been older than 20, dragged a barrel within reach of Yonah, though the prisoner did not make any move.
“The others were laughing earlier about how you got a decent meal tonight… but I dont see any plate. Not surprised it was a lie. Im sorry again that this is not seasoned. But…” He left and returned before Yonah could investigate the food. Holding a large sack, the smell coming from which made yonah take a very intense breath.
“I did bring these… They were going to be used to torture other prisoners. Tested them on me. Just one bite and I thought my tongue would burn up in my own mouth, I drank so much water I thought I would throw up. But maybe it’s not as intense for giants!”
Through his dehydration Yonah started to drool, the spicy smell of the hot peppers filling his half FireWitch brain.
The display of hunger caused Tiddles to freeze up a moment “Um… I’ll take that as a yes to these. Great Goddess they make my eyes water!” he set the sack down and went to the other back corner where an empty barrel was on it’s side.
“I’ll take this one, yes?” Tiddles didn’t wait for an answer but said “you’re… not as talkative tonight. Usually you threaten-joke about eating me along with the slop. You alright?”
As soon as Tiddles had moved away from the full Barrel and sack of peppers, Yonah Sat up and scooted over with one hand. Revealing the reason he was not talking. Savina was tucked into his elbow, having fallen asleep.
Tiddles seemed briefly transfixed by the woman. If yonah had to describe the expression the closest would be reverence. Before cringing away.
“That’s what they meant by a good meal!?” He shook off his surprise “what a load of dragon crap. You’re not some feral animal”
Yonah didnt respond to this continued attempt to bond with him as he dragged the barrel back to his corner and stuck his finger in, building up his fire to warm up the cold scraps and water. Tiddles made no more small talk and left him to his pitiful “meal”.
Once the contents of the barrel started to steam, Yonah nudged Savina awake. She was not happy about that.
“I was actually sleeping well, what the fuck”
Yonah set her on his lap, the barrel in front of them both. “If you dont eat some of this now, I’ll eat all of it. You wont get a single drop, but if you eat now, you wont make a dent in it noticeable to me”
She nodded, understanding, and put her hands into the barrel. Yelping in pain as the hot slop made contact with her burnt hands.
Grumbling about how she was an idiot, yonah rummaged around in his chain pile for a flat piece of metal. It was a band from a previous barrel that he had broken. That was the only time he had gotten an earful from Tiddles about how if he continued to do that, Tiddles wouldnt be able to sneak him more food. He was able, with some effort, to heat it, pinch it, and bite it into a sort of ladle, which he used to scoop up the scrap soup and hold it to Savina who was very grateful.
Even with his encouragement she ate very little. Yonah had no idea how long she’d been here, but it was likely longer than himself, and it was very probable that her stomach had shrunken, so he eventually gave into his own hunger and stopped trying to get her to eat more and let her slump against his middle and fall back to sleep.
But before he ate any of it he took the peppers out of the sack and crushed them into the prison soup. It took all his self control not to just eat the peppers straight up. So he rewarded himself by licking the juice from his fingers.
He would have downed the contents of the barrel like a shot but resisted as it would have wasted all his patience preparing it for better taste. And even if it was literal scraps in unsalted water, hunger was the best seasoning. And the peppers, made this the best thing he’d tasted in the time since he woke up in this cell.
It made it much easier to not think about eating the woman in his lap as he too lay down to fall asleep.
---
He woke first, and during the hours of the night his stomach had become rather empty again. Though he kept his promise and resisted thinking about eating her. He did not, however, resist tasting her; he never made a promise involving tasting.
“NO!” she yelped and sputtered as he licked her face like a very large dog waking up it’s owner, clearly convinced he was going to eat her, panicking.
He stopped licking her, But he was not listening to her protests. The moment she yelled the world felt lighter. He felt… no, no time to dwell. He tossed Savina aside and focused on generating a lot of fire into his ankle cuffs. It wasnt enough to melt them, but it was enough to make them soft. Soft enough that he could pull and stretch them and get free.
And then the feeling was gone. Back to that soul crushing feeling that had been ever present, as if it was never gone.
“What did you DO?” he snarled as he rubbed his freed ankles, which were red and raw from the previously tight metal cuffs.
Savina got up, looking frazzled with one side of her hair sticking up and out at odd angles due to half-giant spit. “What I was trying to do last night! Hey!”
Yonah crawled to her and picked her up, putting his face close to hers to demand, rather loudly “Do it AGAIN”
Defiantly she took his gaze and his rank breath “I wish I could! Like I said before, and like you just saw, I can’t do this on purpose! It just happens!”
In a rage his eyes flash and he bares his teeth “Fucking useless!”. His urge to throw her against the wall lost out to his being touch starved and instead he sat back down to hold her just a little too tight.
He did not fail to notice that a small hint of the relief of pressure occurred when she gasped at his moment of rage.
“So. Did that count as your morning try? Should I start considering whether or not to eat you again?”
She stiffened in his grasp “that wasn’t intentional! But doesn’t it prove what I was saying, that I am too useful to consider eating, that with practice I can succeed?”
“I already got my legs free. I can reach the bars now. Reckon i can try smashing them… and if I eat you i may have the strength to do it” he huffed. With a small amount of food and a night’s sleep, what he had was the energy to be a massive dickhead again. “So you would be helping me.”
“Those bars are heavily reinforced with the prison magic! They’ve kept giants bigger than you in this prison!”
“I’d still like to try, so you’re lucky I want company more than a proper meal right now,” he chuckled against her. She was so skinny she wouldn't even be a proper meal, maybe half of one.
“Please let me try again later to disable the nullification. Then we can both get out and get decent food” she sounded both desperate and angry.
“I know exactly what I’m eating if I get out” his eyes flashed again and he licked his lips.
Savina shuddered but did not sound disgusted when she said “i think i have an idea of what… or who… that might be”
“So, are you going to try again or what?” Yonah was getting impatient.
“Will you be ready to break down the bars when the magic reinforcement is gone?” she asked.
Yonah backed up against the wall, bracing himself so he could charge. If she succeeded.
Savina went to the front of the cell, grasped the bars and closed her eyes, muttering. Occasionally she let go and made hand gestures.
Nothing.
Maybe she needed encouragement. Yonah growled at her. Low and threatening. Savina stiffened and he felt the pressure lift, very slightly, very briefly.
“Get on with it!” he hissed.
“I’m trying!” she shot back, walking to the center of the cell, it didnt seem to matter where she was.
Then she screamed, her whole body hitting the ground as suddenly Yonah was on top of her, having pinned her under a hand. He snarled in her face “Maybe I should just eat you then! At least my last meal will be a tasty one!”
This succeeded in having the desired effect. Whatever the nullification was, it lifted. However he could feel it coming back.
“NO! I’m trying, give me one more chance, I know I can do it!”
He was not listening to her. He had confirmed his theory. Without hesitation he took her left arm in his jaws. She started crying and screaming, Pushing at his face to pull away. “Stop Stop! You’re hurting me!” Her voice was shrill.
/That’s the idea/ he thought.
With a sickening CRUNCH and a shriek, it was Yonah’s turn to be thrown, against the wall.
Not that he cared. Not one bit.
The magical nullification was gone.
From the entire prison. With no signs of coming back.
Keeping his promise not to eat her, and extending that promise to any part of her, Yonah crawled over to Savina and opened his jaws to release the nearly severed arm, along with at least a gallon of bloody drool. Savina just sobbed. Hmmm she could bleed out. That would also be counter to his promise, in spirit, if not in word. He rubbed a thumb and finger together until they were red hot and pressed the tip of the finger to her shoulder.
The scent of burning flesh filled the air as he cauterized her wound. But there were more important things to take care of now.
Fueled by adrenaline, hunger, and literal fire in his veins, yonah gripped his prison bars, making them red hot. In a few moments he wrenched them apart and he was out. He barely noticed the flash of light behind him as he stepped out of his cage.
The alarms hadn't even started ringing by the time he ran into the first unfortunate guard.
----
It was the alarm bells that brought Savina back to earth. She sat up, and blanched as a sticky arm rolled off her chest and into her lap. She was still covered in blood but the wound had sealed. For all her lost memory she did recall something very important. She should keep her arm. Holding it kept her from trying to touch her shoulder. She had never experienced anything so painful in her life-
No… wait. She had experienced something more painful… Now her head throbbed too! Nevermind any of this! She had to find the half giant mage, he was her ticket out. Even with the magic nullification gone, she wouldn’t get far drained of her own magic and severely injured.
It wasn’t hard to find him. All she had to do was follow the trail of carnage and busted cell doors.
The first guard she found had no head, and a chunk of a shoulder missing. Blood pooled on the ground from the massive bite. Hmmmm. He had a nice sword. Putting her arm down momentarily, She took the sword and a belt to sheath it. It was a bit tricky to get the belt off the person and onto herself but she managed. Before she took her arm off the ground and continued on, not caring to avoid stepping in the blood. .
More dead guards lined the halls as she progressed. Most of them were missing their heads, some of them burned to a crisp. But many were only missing their limbs, or had a bite taken out of the side. Some of those were still living. One in particular had been bitten from the hips down, their guts spilling out onto the floor. She decided not to use her sword to put them out of their misery. Her excuse being that it would be too much effort to put her arm down every time.
Finally she caught up to the large mage. He was in one of the storage rooms where the more dangerous items confiscated from mages were kept. He was ransacking it, shoveling items into something, but finished as she entered and stood up, putting a hat on his head. If he wasn’t so large and didn’t have such a distinct physique, she might not have recognized him.
Dressed in a stunning outfit of mostly blues and golds, with a massive wide brimmed pointed hat to match, his hair now shining and tied back in a segmented pony tail, standing up to his full height and holding a majestic wooden staff, the once brutish creature from the cell was looking more like a person. Except for the fire in his eyes and blood and viscera hanging from his jaws.
With misplaced confidence she walked right up to Yonah and holding the shoulder end of the severed arm she swung to smack him in the ankle. He had on boots now and she wasnt sure he felt that until he looked down at her.
“You FUCKING ASSHOLE!” She bellowed “You TORE my arm off! Why would you do that?!”
He looked at her angry and quizzically “The anti-magic field is gone. It worked.”
She did not back away from his gaze, since he was not currently trying to eat her she figured he wasn’t going to. Clearly he had not hesitated with the guards. She waved the arm around in frustration "you didnt have to BITE IT OFF"
Yonah crouched down to snarl “Clearly I did. You weren’t in enough… danger to disable the field. I’m rather clever you know.” Without asking he scooped her up to hold her up to his face with a cheeky, blood stained grin, “After you told the story of your assault, I started to put the pieces together. Mortal peril seems to do the trick nicely”
“I still dont think you needed TO BITE MY ARM OFF,” she repeated.
Once again she used the severed arm to slap him, now in the face.
He blinked in a kind of shock and then bared his teeth “I think you’ve lost your arm privileges”
His first instinct was to get the wrist between his teeth and gulp the arm down. But… he still felt like he should keep his promise. And now that his belly was half filled with chunks of prison guard he could think clearer.
“WHAT THE FUCK YOU BASTARD!”
Savina shrieked as the giant man pinched her arm, the severed arm, plucking it from her weak grasp. His eyes flashed and it was lit up like a match.
Lost for words she watched as her arm burned into ash before her very eyes, the giant man grinning once again.
Now she was shaking with rage “I COULD HAVE RE-ATTACHED THAT”
His grin became a scowl “How in this reality was I supposed to know that?”
“Weren't you listening, you didnt even need to bite it off in the first place! My magic was starting to work!”
He talked as he placed her onto his shoulder, securing her to the harness he had found with his belongings.
“Didn’t I? We dont know that. Guess we will have to experiment later” he smiled wickedly, marching out of the room “But right now, I’m still hungry and there’s still more guards left alive.”
As he said this a guard rushed around the corner with a crossbow and fired. Yonah, having heard the footsteps just jerked his staff and the bolt exploded. He snatched up the guard, put the poor fucker’s head in his mouth and bit down, while pulling the body away. The sound was similar to when he’d bitten her arm, and blood spurted from the neck onto his face, and Savina’s entire person.
Yonah swallowed the head and tossed the body aside “I can’t eat them all at my size even if I only eat pieces. I can burn them, or crush them” he explained as yet another guard appeared which he simply squashed by slamming his staff down upon, “but I think we need some help. The human prisoners do not seem so eager to get back at their tormentors as I had thought.”
“They are running away from you. If you weren’t on a massacre they would probably be taking the advantage to riot and get revenge.”
“So we need more monsters.”
As he continued through the prison he broke every occupied cell, letting the prisoners run, and killing every guard with an intense savagery. But the most horrific thing, in Savina’s opinion, was when he picked up whole and alive guards and tossed them into his hat.
Eventually he broke into a cell and the prisoner inside did not immediately cower or run, but stood up, eyes reflecting in the darkness. A tall pale man with dark hair smiled with sharp fangs.
“That’s a vampire!” Savina informed him. The vampire bowed.
“A very blood starved vampire, and I could smell the flood coming from the other side of the prison, yet I was too weak to break myself free once I felt the magic nullification just, go away. Was that you?” he stared at Savina, not Yonah.
Savina gingerly touched the raw, burned flesh of her shoulder and looked very annoyed, “Yes. it was me.”
“I’m going to feast now, as I see you have been doing, mysteriously small giant”
“Don’t fill up on the ones I’ve killed, take out the ones still alive” Yonah instructed.
“Wise words,” said the vampire, “though I will take a little of this one, just to gain back my strength.”
Before leaving yonah sniffed at the vampire. Then reached up into his hat and pulled out a fancy, though sadly wrinkled and dirtied, suit. And tossed it at the vampire.
“Smells like you”
The vampire stood up from taking a drink of blood from the guard who Yonah had decided to merely kick against a wall.
“My clothes! You are a gentleman monster!” And with a snap of his fingers swapped out his prison outfit for his old one. “I feel more like myself already!”
Done with the small talk, Yonah moved on. It was time to get out of this place, with hopefully minimal distractions. He would still make a snack, a charred corpse, or a bloody pulp out of any guard he came across.
But it was only a few cells later that again, the prisoner did not immediately scream or flee. Yonah could sense a very eerie magical aura from her, she was pale like the vampire but he suspected she was not one. She smiled at him like the vampire but her teeth were flat.
“My dear emancipator, did you come across a spider necklace during your rampage? I would very much like to have it back.”
That was odd enough that Yonah decided not to ignore it and instead reach into his hat. He did not recall a spider necklace so he could only think the words. An object indeed fell into his hand. Which he tossed to the woman who squealed like a giddy teenager as she caught it.
Putting it on she rubbed the shining black thorax of the obsidian spider inlaid on the silver medallion.
That eerie aura from before increased 100 fold, followed by the chittering, skittering, buzzing of millions of tiny legs and wings. Unlike Yonah’s cell, this woman’s had a window. And through it marched or flew an unimaginable number of insects and arachnids.
Yonah took a step back. But the plaque of bugs was swarming into the prison from every window, every crevice, every crack in the wall, every broken pipe.
“My children will clean out this place” she giggled, though it was closer to a witch’s cackle.
Yonah backed away from her. Deciding that it was now time to leave this wretched place, confident the bugs could take care of the rest. It was by her merciful magic that the bugs avoided him entirely, and seemed to be able to scramble away from his footsteps even as he started down the corridor.
Ah, another guard, coming out of a nearby door, a good distraction from the creepy crawlies. He rushed and shoved the guard up to their torso into his mouth and got ready to bite down. As the ribs started to crack between his teeth the taste of this guard matched up to a familiar smell.
Releasing his jaws he held a gasping, screaming Tiddles.
“If you dont want that one, my babies will happily take him!” The bug witch called from behind him.
Ignoring the creepy aura yonah wheeled around snarling “He’s MINE” and he secured the flailing young man to his shoulder.
“Suit yourself” said the witch, “but he seems to not like you very much, and I am not overly fond of him myself”
Tiddles was indeed trying to free himself, earning him a swift flick to the head. “Probably hurts with those broken ribs to struggle like that, little one. I will keep you safe.”
Without another word Yonah turned back. Enough of this. He pointed his staff at the wall and blasted a hole through, stepping outside. Still in the walled compound he did not take a fresh breath of freedom just yet. He ran for the walls.
Arrows and crossbow bolts rained down at him. Fine. It was time for some big magic. Yonah stopped and took his staff, raising it into the air he found in it the perfect spell. He swirled it around and chanted. The morning sky, which was clear, crackled, and a swirling storm cloud gathered overhead.
The guards on the ramparts screamed as bolts of lightning struck them, leaving Yonah free to take down a section of wall and flee into the forested mountains.
It was after he had been half running half jogging for 15 minutes that he stopped and sat down against a cool boulder shaded by the trees. Or rather he nearly collapsed. One big gorey feast after weeks of starvation would not immediately restore him. That would take time. He had been running on the reserves of his magic, adrenaline, and a bloodlust.
The moment he closed his eyes to rest however, he felt Tiddles renew his struggling.
“Why do you keep this up” Yonah mumbled, not looking at Tiddles, but feeling him freeze.
“I dont want to die!” the young man squeaked. “I saw you eat the other guards!”
“Well then aren’t you in luck that I filled up on them? I had enough to be satisfied for a while.”
That did not calm Tiddles down any more, the struggling was back “You kept me as leftovers!” he shrieked.
“Naw” Yonah said and reached into his hat to draw out an intact, but dead, guard, “I already did that.”
He felt Tiddles faint at that declaration. This did not bring Yonah any joy, as Tiddles’ terror had done before. Being so full Yonah just returned the corpse to the pocket space that was his wizard hat.
“So, where to now?” Savina said after five minutes “We need to get going, surely someone will try to follow! There is more than one shift of guards and they will be looking for all the escaped prisoners, especially you, who was responsible!”
“I think the bug witch will make sure no one does” yonah said, though it was more likely that at least one idiot would manage to slip away. “But I am tired, We need to find a cave or something to hide out in to recoup my… I mean our strength”
“I can help with that”
As if on cue the bug witch stepped out from behind a tree. Yonah eyed her suspiciously. Savina was too hurt and too exhausted to do the same.
“Oh really? And why would you?”
She just laughed “You saved me? And you returned my amulet to me! I owe you big time. By the way, you look just awful. Would you like my children to clean you up?”
“What do you mean?”
Before she answered there was more buzzing in the air as wasps swarmed around her “these little gals are very efficient! I promise they will not sting”
“They cannot hurt my humans either!” he said, nervous about what was about to happen.
“Of course”
He still held his breath as the wasped charged at him and his companions. Savina screamed as well before she smartly held her breath too. Tiddles was the luckiest, unconscious for the whole thing.
It was over in just a minute, thank the gods, as Yonah would have to take a breath. Still, he sneezed and a few bugs flew out. Savina was breathing heavily.
“So, bug witch,”
“Cait!”
“Cait… What’s a nearby place for a big monster to get some rest?”
The woman considered “Hmm… The woods that way are decent. Bears will be scared off by you. Humans should leave you alone. There’s a cave in those woods if you want extra shelter. I want to get back to my home but I can have one of my babies guide you there”
“That would be much appreciated” Yonah focused and gathered up more strength to stand up. And then froze in place as the largest drider he had ever seen came into sight.
“Babe!” he called, ignoring yonah and scooping up the witch into a hug that transitioned into messy kisses.
“I got out of the prison!” she declared, “this nice big fellow helped me! Got my amulet!”
The Drider was a full head taller than Yonah and eyed him over with all 8 eyes before nodding. From between all of his feet a smaller, but large dog sized tarantula, scampered up to Yonah.
“Charlie here will lead you to shelter!” said Cait, “Now I haven't been home in a long time”
And with that, the witch and the drider left.
Charlie made a hissing sound while scraping her feet on a rock to get Yonah’s attention. She led Yonah to a large rocky incline and eventually to the mouth of a cave.It was large enough that if he crawled, he could get in. Which he did without hesitating.
The cave was larger in the inside and he probably could have stood up but he stayed sitting.
The spider stayed at the entrance of the cave, made a little dance, and then disappeared.
“Seems safe enough…” Yonah said. He unharnessed Savina so she could sit in his lap. “Guess what, I was lucid enough during my rampage that I picked up food that wasn’t dead guards!” and from his hat he got out some bread and cheese, and even a barrel of water.
“Um… no thanks” she said.
“You must eat, Savina”
“Im too nauseated from the pain.”
She did look a little green now that she said it.
“I have a healing potion… it should numb the pain a bit.” This he took from a sleeve. A small vial. Just a single ounce. It was like a grain of rice in his palm “It will even help with your shoulder, to at least regrow the flesh around it and stop infection”
She took it, and still looking like putting anything in her mouth would make her vomit, she downed it like a shot.
30 seconds later she felt much better. Or at least, felt less pain… She still felt like complete shit. But took the food with her good arm and started eating.
“I dont know why you brought him along…” she said, referring to Tiddles through a mouthful of bread.
“I doubt someone as kind as him works at an evil prison if he has a happy home to return to. Plus if i had let him go.. The other prisoners might not have been so kind to him. He was still a guard.” Yonah yawned, “Fuck. Im tired. Didnt we just wake up like, an hour ago?” he asked.
“Sure but you just broke a prison” Savina pointed out.
“I did… didn’t I…” Yonah tried to lay down but found that didn’t work with Tiddles on his shoulder. So he resigned himself to sleeping upright for now.
Still half starved, Savina did not manage to eat much. So yonah put the food back. He found a outcrop of rock that he could lean against and put an arm protectively in front of Savina. She put her own remaining arm over his. And they both fell asleep at the same time.
Even through the exhaustion of his over half a month in prison, and the torpor his kind got from a full belly, Yonah HaEsh heard the quiet footsteps of someone entering the cave.
Yet his brain was still slow to react. He opened his eyes and stared down.
Kneeling in his lap, holding Savina’s arm to his fanged mouth, moments away from biting down, was the vampire.
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[FIN]
UHHHH thanks for reading. If you liked this please let me know. If this fits your blog theme please reblog it!
I hope you enjoyed this. and I hope to have more of it for you in the future. lots more adventure to come!
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The Baker and The Prince (Pt. 10)
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Roman POV
It was cold, to cold, Roman opened his eyes to examine his surroundings. He was in a cell, his wrists chained to the floor.
"That cant be right. . . I'm not a criminal, I'm a prince!" he tugged at the chains, which seemed to be burning his wrists.
"I wanted to thank you for bringing him down my darling, it was so much easier with you at my side," Presley's voice came from outside the door.
"Of course it was easy! Prince's live for forbidden romance, a lowly baker is just what he would've fallen for," Roman froze, his mouth seemed to have gone dry.
"Well it was a brilliant show, you'll be rewarded kindly once we off the others and reclaim the throne," Presley said. Ran could see his silhouette outside the door, and Virgil's just behind it.
"I tried to tell Patton to stay home, a shame he didnt listen, isnt it," Virgil voice sounded. . . different.
"Virgil he's your brother! You dont mean that!" Roman tugged harder on the chains, his wrists burning like they were going to fall off.
"Oh! Wonderful! He's awake!" Presley opened the door, Roman barely paid attention to him as he walked inside. Virgil was dressed in attire usually reserved for royal weddings. His eyes seemed glazed over, dead, even.
"Virgil. . . this isnt you. . ." Roman said, almost pleading with him.
"You dont know anything about me," said Virgil, with a smirk that was so similar to Presley's it nearly froze Roman to the spot.
"Yes I do! You have a necklace that turns you into a cat, when you were seven years old Patton bought you a broomstick and a hat so you could pretend to be a witch, you lost both your front teeth at nine years old from trying to climb rocks, when you were twelve you got your first binder and were so excited you nearly smacked someone in the face because your hands were flapping so fast," Roman was practically begging Virgil to show some sign of recognition, anything that would show he'd won him back, but all that stared back was cold uncaring darkness.
Then Roman heard a click, his shackles fell to the ground. He made the last effort he could, and kissed Virgil on the lips, holding his body close as if were he to let it go he would die.
Roman opened his eyes, and the scene was gone, he was in a garden, facing Presley, who was emitting a faint amount of smoke.
"Well done Roman, you beat me! Now let's see how good the others are, hm?" a screen opened up around them, Roman couldn't do anything but stare.
Logan POV
Logan felt like crying. Why were they back home? Where was Remus? Why wasnt anyone listening to them?
"Hello? Can anyone hear me? Wheres Remus? Has anyone seen my boyfriend?" they were shaking, shaking so violently they thought they might collapse. No one made any sign of recognizing them, or even that they were there at all. So they did what they'd always done when this happened, ran into the woods. The daemon that lived there was always helpful, he helped them realize they were genderfluid, he bought them their first binder, gave them a home.
But the treehouse in which they lived was nowhere to be seen, only a stump, and a royal crest graffitied onto it.
"No no no no no- this cant be happening!" Logan fell to their knees, burying their head in their hands.
"Remus. . . tell me you didnt do this. . . tell me you didnt hurt my only friend. . ." they were sure no one would hear them, but they felt a hand rest on their shoulder.
"I had to Logie, he was dangerous," Remus' voice was cold, the complete opposite of the man they knew and loved.
"You're not Remus, you're not my boyfriend, you arent real," Logan glared behind themself. They were correct, the thing behind them was merely an amalgamation of white and brown hair, and green. . . sludge. Logan ran off, and directly into a wall of screens. Roman hugged them from behind.
"Are you real?" Logan said.
"Are you?" Roman replied, he'd been crying, Logan could tell. They hugged him back, and turned to face the next screen
Patton POV
It was busy in the shop, busier than it had ever been. Where was his brother? Virgil always helped when it was busy! But Patton couldn't find time to go check on him.
The shop finally attempted, he could finally go look for his brother. What awaited him in Virgil's room was not a pretty sight. The whole room looked ransacked, shelves overturned, papers and books strewn across the floor. There was a note on Virgil's bed, Patton picked it up.
I ran away Patton, I cant deal with you ir your nagging anymore, life isnt all sunshine and rainbows and you need to realize that, and just because you're older doesnt mean you're wiser, you cant keep telling me what to do and expect it not to have consequences.
Patton felt tears running down his cheeks. He abandoned all pretense if self preservation and leapt out the window. The grass below cushioned his fall much better than expected. He raced through the garden, ignoring the aching in his legs and burning feeling in his lungs.
"Virgil! Virgil come back! Please!" Patton felt hopeless, like there was a pit in his stomach he couldnt fix.
"Virgil! Virgil please I cant do this alone!" he cried.
"Then you shouldve been a better brother." Virgil stepped out from the trees, anger clear as a day across his face.
"I didnt mean to. . . you couldve told me. . . Virgil I'm so sorry. . ." Patton collapsed to his knees, hiding his face so Virgil wouldnt see his tears.
Then he was leaning against something, or someone. Logan helped him up, they smiled at him, and he felt much better.
Remus POV
The unloved brother, the screwup, the shame of the family. That's all Remus was. Everyone seemed keen on telling him that all the sudden, even Logan wasnt holding back their glares. He tried to talk to them, ask what was wrong, but they didnt respond with much more than a noise of indignant disgust, and a wave of the hand, dismissing him. It was then that Remus had finally noticed what he was wearing, a servants uniform, and Logan was dressed like the royalty Remus had always though they were.
"Logan where is all this coming from? You said you didn't care how gross I was, you helped me dissect a heart!" Remus felt tears forming in the corners of his eyes.
"That was then, I'm a monarch now, I have better things to do then spend time with a disgusting servant like you." Logan's voice was cold, he didnt even look at Remus when he spoke. But Remus was no stranger to being ignored, and he wasnt about to waste his talents now.
"LOOK AT ME WHEN I TALK TO YOU LOGAN. I DONT CARE IF YOU SUDDENLY THINK IM THE SCUM OF THE EARTH. I LOVE YOU. YOU CANT CHANGE THAT. AND YOU LOVE ME TO. I KNOW THAT FOR A FACT." Logan looked at him, their eyes widened with shock, and he took this opportunity bring them in for a kiss.
"Uh- Re- there are other people here- can you eat your joyfriend's face later-" Roman's voice broke through the silence. Remus parted his lips from Logan's, they were both in their normal clothes, standing in a room of screens.
Virgil POV
There were screens everywhere, his friends were being tortured, Remy and Emile had joined the ranks of the dragons, and Virgil couldn't stop them.
"Stop it! Stop it! Take me instead! Kill me if you have to just leave them alone!" tears were streaming down his face, the one time he was begging for a response from Presley, yet he received none. He watched Roman be betrayed by aan that wasnt him, Logan lose their best friend, Patton lose him, Remus be abandoned. He couldnt take it, he felt numb, he hated it, he wanted to get out, he wanted to get out and he didnt care how.
"Its all my fault. Is that what you want? Do you want me to say that? Hm?" Virgil tried to lift his head, but he couldnt seem to find the energy.
"VIRGIL!" multiple voices called out to him. He was lying on the ground now, he didnt care why.
"Where are Emmy and Remy?" Patton asked, concern apparent in his voice.
"Dragons, he turned them into dragons, like the others," Virgil said, tears were staining his face.
"They failed their challenges, it's their fault," Presley said. He was smoking like a volcano now.
"You're dying, arent you," said Roman, taking out a sword.
"Only for now, when I kill the five of you I'll be stronger than ever," Presley laughed and retrieved his own weapon, and time itself seemed to freeze in place.
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crackcrocs · 3 years
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DEATH WILL ONLY BE THE BEGINNING #9
This is to narcissistic mothers/ parents & anyone who is willing to understand.
(Written by me-for and through the lens of my dear friend, i wish you nothing but freedom from her chains. i wish you TLC)
Their ability to make everyone think they’re loving parents.
Their ability to make their kids believe that abuse is normal.
Their ability to make you believe you owe them everything.
Their ability to make themselves believe that they are right.
Their ability to turn the tables and make you believe that it was your fault.
All of this rings so true.
They do make you feel crazy; they suck the energy and ability to reason logically right out of you- and, by very nature of their narcissism, it never occurs to them that *they* might be the problem.
You can’t expect a relationship to happen with someone highly dysfunctional. how do you stoop down to the level of someone who aside from work & put all energy into keeping up an appearance can only abuse substance, speak to empty friends & post garbage.
In truth, I think the alcoholism is a symptom of her larger mental illness or narcissistic personality disorder- but it’s no excuse. Her parenting is unreliable, inconsistent, and unpredictable. There never is a sense of safety and consistency, allowing me to thrive.
I’m told to forgive & keep peace & ignore all your craziness. All the advice I've been getting on dealing with a narcissistic mother has been saying to avoid her as much as possible, or to try communicate & ‘keep peace’ as if I haven’t tried to communicate, as if I’m purposely singling her out from our already empty relationship. Well now I'm stuck at home all day, or every household or friend I bring over, she decides to involve. So much for distancing myself.  The worst part is she isn't even doing it herself, she just sits around watching tv, having friends over & phoning everyone while Im expected to clean up after her and "contribute" to the family/ financially support my self for college.
- Yes, absolutely, I am the crazy one. You know what, I’m not even going to deny it, I probably have a ton of issues, most of them mental. But guess where they came from? Guess who made those problems worse and maybe even helped create them? No mom, you’re not to blame for everything or the “war in Iraq” as you so eloquently put it. But you are to blame for some it, at the very least. it’s time to take account & I will no longer be made to feel like the obligated for for an entitled narc.
I feel your claws sinking in less and less.  You no longer have me in chains, I will break free from your emotional bondage even if it takes me seeming boring & silencing myself around you to not endure & tolerate your nonsense. Your words no longer fill me with despair like they once did.
This year long cold shoulder would have once filled me with anxiety but now all I feel is bliss. I no longer feel jealous when others talk about their seemingly perfect parents because I may not have that luxury but what I do have is a chance to be a "perfect parent" myself potentially one day. To be everything you couldn't and wouldn't somewhere far away and isolated from your poison.
I wonder how you feel...  but I simply can’t understand or pretend to care anymore. I’m tired of putting energy into a source that doesn’t put out. When children don't talk to you unless prompted- it’s because there is nothing to be said after the plenty opportunities given to converse truly & openly.
No I don’t want to speak to your 9th friend on the phone today again about surface level things just to please you. No I don’t want to come socialise with your drunk friends & be spoken to like a child
When you have to tell yet another lie to yet another friend to mask the evidence of a broken home When you look in the mirror and only see insecurities When you realise there's no one around you and can't figure out why When you tear down someone close yet again, to feel good about yourself  I wonder how you feel, I wonder if you feel, I wonder if you can...
my mom pushes me away but doesnt wanna let me leave. she doesn’t want to take into account that she pushed me to this extent. part of growth is being able to communicate your emotions properly. how can a whole 43 year old be unable to do so? I Vocalize when I’m not okay with something. Communication helps people avoid being uncomfortable, easily triggered, hostile, or passive aggressive with people. her communication is one sided and I’m the only one who gets to listen while she’s the only one who gets to talk, otherwise I’m ‘answering back’ or ‘telling a woman what to do’ even though I talk sense and out of respect in my responses or when I do try speak.
Worse yet I have to go BACK to the emotionally abusive situation that I basically fled.
What really bugs me is when you’ve given someone so many chances to do better and change. But then once you get tired of their antics, you try to move on and they continually try to reel you back in. Not even trying to change, but instead *trying* to reel you back in for their benefit. It’s unhealthy and traumatizing to say the least.
I guess i should be glad your swinging moods and emotions taught me to manage mine from young. I should be glad that I had to teach myself not to care about what you said to me and what you thought about me. I should be overjoyed that the side effect was me not caring about what anyone said or thought and basically becoming an inert emotionless void. I should be thankful that I always look fine even when I’m in pain and feeling like death and I’m capable of putting up with things that would send any sane person off the edge.
relationships are so much healthier when the goal is to experience life together and not to try to make the person into who you want them to be or to make them do what you want them to do. In my case my mother has de masculated me over the years making me soft and obedient, for her own selfish gain of having a man worship her. she decided since she doesn’t have a man, or never managed to find someone stay at home that’s he truly connected to, she’s decided the man that’s going to worship her will be me- her son. Since I resemble my father who she was in love with, she will always talk bad on me as she resents my father for not wanting her.
through gaslighting me over the years, it’s become harder to speak up, I even feel embarrassed to tell my dad even though that’s probably the only thing that will make her open her eyes and get clean. my pot is boiling though. Independence is obviously healthy but when it gets to the point where i find it challenging to actually be able to even admit that i might need assistance in this situation,  problems arise. And for what? Why I’m I protecting her image? I’ve been taught to & I’m a respectable young man who won’t take joy from her exposure, but I don’t take joy from preserving information & keeping it all inside to deal with myself. I’ve become so hard on myself and still pushing through-it’s not easy, people still expect me to be a super heroe all the time. I have a hard time opening up, allowing people to help me in whatever I’m doing. I hate even admitting I need help most times. I wish I’d been taught early what my mother learned late, thankfully I was observant, self taught & still willing to learn- thankfully I’m not a follower & I know right from wrong.
The worst part about looking at the future and trying to imagine it full of hope, light and emotional health is knowing that you'll always have the scars. Emotional abusers aren't supposed to leave scars but mine managed to. And in my mother's usual style it can even be passed off as unintentional. In my case it was actually supposed to a kind act which ended badly in the way that only events in my life can seem to end.
All the phone calls to your friends, you continuously fake talk about me on a nonexistent relationship. it’s sad how you need to phone 100 people in a day and can only hold the same surface level chats. I wonder if you can grip the fact that nobody ever wants to help you with anything. you’re lucky they even listen and you’re lucky they only know your side of the story every time. you’re a great potter & can mould situations.
It’s sad that if you sense the slightest hint that people do not approve of your estrangement and they are not going to be there for your nonsense, you stir the pot and involve and buss peoples names, further spinning your web of lies.
All the pity you came to relish over the years as single mother warrior extraordinaire would simply dry up. Any attempts to paint me, your only child in a negative light would seem simply monstrous if I exposed you, but I maintain respect, bite my tongue & hold my head up because my real mother figure taught me that.
But really you have to keep up the pretense to your friends, that I was an insubordinate, ungrateful bitch of a problem child and you were a glorious brave single mother at her wits end just trying to make things work. even with the mural I painted, you forced me to mention the single mother narrative; as if that had anything to do with my art piece. I mean how selfish can you be? the art peace was to represent Sheku Bayou & the BLM movement, I didn’t even want to put my real name- I wanted to put my instagram page associated with my art because business is business and personal is personal. but to toot your horn, I added a whole separate paragraph because you wanted your name to be connected to my art piece as though I’m some sort of celebrity and it was my claim to fame. the single mother narrative is bullshit, I know tonnes of single african parents that know how to step up when it’s time to be a mother, but that’s something you’ve never known how to do. I remember you drunk the day I came here and I will never forget the words ‘I will drink myself to death if I want to’ I don’t have sympathy anymore and I’m not a saviour, I have tried and tried through hiding alcohol, attempting to converse & get her to cut down; but you can only bring a horse to the water not to drink it. how is a teenager meant to know how to stop an alcoholic junkie? I’m her son you say? If she truly cared and wanted to fix up, I would be one thing to stop her I thought.
my mother is an alcoholic. an addict. she refuses to wear those labels, but this has far exceeded the occasional ‘binge’ ‘sesh’ or ‘Prosecco party’ .Throughout middle school and high school, I would guess that half or so of the days out of the year she spent in a wine haze. Even my constant begging her to stop drinking did not stop it. Pouring her wine down the drain or hiding it made her angry and transitioned to mental and phsyical abuse. She became increasingly angry and I aged and entered high school but she was always this way since I came really. It was during this time that I would lock the doors to my room and try to hide from her in there. I still barricade my room door to this day just for my own peace. Despite all the horrendous things she did, every once in a while she did give me money, and this gets dangled over my head RELENTLESSLY... as if money buys love.
I needed to get some outside reassurance that I'm sane. Thankfully now I know and all I can do is try stay in my lane, can’t argue with a supposed adult with a brain that resembles a wall or a child.
People who were emotionally abused have spent far too long defending themselves. Justifying their own feelings. Trying to make others see and understand what they went through is a task. Abusive parents are very good at manipulating. that’s why I have ceased contact with this toxic person, i do not owe anyone an explanation.Doesn’t matter if they are a family member or close family friend. Doesn’t matter if they are a friend or acquaintance of yours. I’ve learned just to be boring , save everything interesting and beautiful about myself for those who deserve it.
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