#do not talk to me i am sobbing over yoonjin | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yoonia · 7 years

Text

Shadows

Character / Genre: Yoongi x reader | parenthood!au, angst

⤞ Word count: 7,714 words (well since this is no longer a drabble)

⤞ Originally made based on this request: Yoongi + “How could I ever forget about you" + Angst | for anon

⤞ Chapters: Part 1/Reflections ⇎ Part 2/Flashlights ⇎ Part 3/Pathways ⇎ Part 4/Shadows

⤞ Author’s Note: I have re-written this part so many times because I originally had two different ideas for the ending - one got people (my proofreaders) screaming at me, while the other had so many plot holes in it which made me unhappy with it. I finally wrote this version down after taking a nap this morning and got a much clear head. Sorry if it’s too sappy and sorry if I made some mistakes in it - I’ll probably come back to edit this later (let’s just hope I won’t change my mind once I do that and erase the whole thing to make an entirely different ending cause I did that once lol). Thank you for reading and please let me know what you think. I’m sorry for the long wait.

The sun is shining bright above you. The weather is quite warm, yet everything inside you feels so cold.

The sound of children’s laughter running around before you seems so distant yet so close by.

You only sit in silence, following Yoonjin’s every movement with your eyes as he runs about on the playground, screaming and laughing with his new friends. Which is an excuse, really. Because aside from the need of making sure that your son is safe while enjoying himself playing at the public area, you also need an excuse to keep your eyes away from turning to look at Yoongi who is sitting right beside you, even when you are not even sure that he is, in fact, paying attention to anything other than his son.

His son.

“I lied,” you finally speak after a long period of silence, breaking the tension that has been building between the both of you ever since he joined you on that bench.

“About what?” The depth of his voice sends shivers through your body, your aching heart, just how it used to do way back then. And you hate that feeling.

You release a sigh, blinking your eyes nervously while your mind works its way to find the right words to say. Revealing the truth is never easy, especially with this - “I didn’t really come back here because of work. I- uhm- I made sure that my work will open up a way for me to return, but I came back for another reason.”

You can feel Yoongi shifting on his seat, before turning slightly to face you. Yet you keep your eyes still facing at the playground, and you sit completely still at your seat, wanting no more than to keep avoiding his gaze and finish unfolding the truth to reduce the weight that you have been carrying on your shoulder.

“Then, what is your reason?” Yoongi asks you carefully, but from the tone of his voice, you already know that he is probably guessing at what reasons you might have.

“Yoonjin,” you sigh.

“What- What does-”

“It was Yoonjin who begged me to take him back.”

You bite at your lips right after you let the words slip out of you, gripping hard on the purse that you put on your lap to hold yourself from shaking out of anxiety. “Ever since Yoonjin was a toddler, and even as he started to understand things, I have never mentioned about his Father. I have never told him about who you are, about your existence, and I thought he would never question it - as long as he has me by his side.”

You stop talking to inhale a deep breath and Yoongi waits patiently to listen to what you are about to say. “He is a really smart boy. He only started speaking right before he reached the age of four but even when it was much later than the average children around him, he was able to speak fluently and was able to win so many hearts. And the first thing he ever asked about with complete sentence was his father.”

Yoongi blinks his eyes, smiling fondly at your story before glancing towards his child. But then he turns back to look at you, and the look in your eyes only makes him realize how hard it was for you.

“I always made excuses to not talk about his father, always avoid to answer him because I couldn't lie to him- even when my heart told me that perhaps it would be best to let him think that he had lost his father for eternally- but I couldn't lie. Until one day he accidentally heard someone talking about his Father, and he was ecstatic to find out that his father does exist, that you exist. And he made a vow to find you-”

Yoongi can feel his tears brimming at the corner of his eyes, his heart filled with warmth and pride over his son. “He- uhm- he approached me first that day. My heart almost stopped when he made me listen to the song in his Pod and it turns out to be my work.”

You nod your head, smiling at the thought of your little boy’s wits, silently applauding for how brave that child can be.

“You see-” You take a deep breath as your memory brings you back to the day of your labour, because the thought of reliving that day has always been too terrifying for you to do. “Yoonjin was born at the same day you released your mixtape-”

“What-”

“I was- I had been avoiding on listening to your music, and to any of your work because everything only reminded me of you and of us, and they only gave me nothing but pain. But that day- when I heard your music resonating from somewhere in the hospital I asked them to play your music for me. And I kept listening to it until the music and the sound your voice no longer gave me pain.”

Your fingers are starting to grip harder on your purse, your voice is shaking, as more of the past memories unfolds one at a time. “But baby Yoonjin was there. He also listened to those songs, and he remembered them differently. Every time he started a tantrum he would only calm down or stop crying when I played your songs. He wouldn’t sleep until he listened to your songs. So you probably can imagine how he reacted when somebody let him know that the voice that he had been listening to since he was a baby, the invisible man that had been singing to him his lullabies, was his own father.”

Yoongi raises his hand to reach you the moment he sees a drop of tear falls onto your cheek, yet he stops himself midway, unsure if he is allowed to even try to touch you even if it’s only to calm you down, when he knows that he is the reason you are breaking apart in front of him.

“I, uh- I wasn’t hiding him from you. But ever since the day we arrived in the city I have been always avoiding any chance of meeting you, I never contacted you even when I promised him I would. I did all that not because I wanted to hide him away and stop you from finding him.”

“Why?”

You turned around and look at Yoongi right through his eyes when you answer, “I did it- Because I was afraid of what it would affect me, of how I would react or feel- when I finally get to see you again.”

You can’t stop the tears from falling on your face or the sobs to take over your breath as you let go every hidden feeling and all the fears you’ve been keeping inside. Yoongi shifts on his seat, feeling himself crumbling with regrets the moment he looks into your eyes, the voices in his head are screaming at him to hold you.

“Y/N, I-”

“Mommy?”

You and Yoongi turn your heads simultaneously to see your child running towards you, his face is pale and full of worry, both of his hands are extended forward to immediately hug you. “Mommy, what’s wrong? Are you hurt? Don’t cry-” He whines and begs, frowning as he stares at you with glossy eyes.

You catch his wrists and place his palms over your cheeks. “Mommy is alright, Yoonjin. I’m okay,” you say to him, leaning down to kiss his forehead before wiping away the remaining tears that are still streaming down your face.

“Y/N-”

You turn to look at Yoongi, who is staring at you worriedly with a face and expression that mirrors the look on your child’s face. He opens his lips to speak, yet he falters and nothing comes out, until he releases a sigh to get himself together and once again lifts his eyes to look at you. “I am sorry for everything that you had to go through because of me- I-”

“No, don’t blame yourself. You can’t- all of this would have never happened if- If only-” You stop yourself and sigh. “Yara was right. I could’ve tried to find out the truth instead of having such accusing thoughts about you and ran off. I did this to myself. It was all my fault.”

“No.” Yoongi shakes his head, lifting his hand as he leans towards you, wanting no more than to be able to touch you and hold you, but he once again stops himself because he knows that he has no right to. “It was me. None of this would’ve happened if I didn’t leave you in the first place. And your reaction was understandable, I mean- who wouldn’t react the way you did? I hurt you, so it would only be fair for you to think- God, if it was me I would’ve burned the whole building down if I ever saw you with another man right after we-”

Yoongi loses control of his voice and words. His body is now shaking with anger, at himself, at the whole event that led all three of you to walk on such paths. And he has no one to blame but himself. “Y/N, I know I can’t fix everything that had happened, I can’t change anything that I did- And I know that maybe I don’t deserve all of this. But- Please give me a chance to fix what is left. I will do my best to give you and Yoonjin everything, in exchange of everything I had caused you. I want to do everything to-”

“You are not obliged to do anything, Yoongi.”

“But I want to.”

You look at Yoongi to see how much he means every word he just said. There is a part of you that begs you to run away, now that you have fulfilled Yoonjin’s wish to be able to find his father. But then you look at your son and meet his pleading eyes, and you crumble underneath them.

You let out a sigh, kissing your child’s forehead once more before answering with, “Alright.”

Yoongi flinches at your answer. His eyes are lighted with hope and he sighs in relieved at the thought of being able to receive forgiveness.

“Are you- are you giving me a chance?”

You let out a sigh, smiling at Yoonjin to mirror the wide smile he is giving you, since he can understand what you meant by those words.

“I’m not asking you for anything, Yoongi. I just- ask for your time. I know Yoonjin would love spending time with you,” you smile at your son who is nodding his head, and completely thrilled by the thought of being able to see his Father more often. “I just need you to spare your time for Yoonjin. Because you are his Father.”

Yoongi gives you a sigh, smiling at his boy and turning to you. “But- what about-” He stops, gnawing at his lips before asking. “What about you? Will you give me a chance to make it up for you to?”

You kiss your child’s forehead, staying silent and not answering right away, contemplating the answer in your mind. Asking yourself.

Would you?

You let Yoonjin joins the both of you, sitting between you and Yoongi so he can join the conversation. And Yoongi takes the chance to ask him so many things, little things that he knows he can ask a child about themselves, and things to ask about you, only to keep up with the many years he had lost from not being able to be in Yoonjin’s life.

The long conversation lasts for hours, until suddenly the sky grows dark and Yoonjin starts leaning back towards you before yawning.

“Are you tired? Do you wanna go home?” You stroke your son’s hair while you settle him in front of you so he can lean back and sleep. Yoonjin shakes his head, whining - “Not yet,” while forcing his eyes to open. And you know the reason why he does that.

“Uhm- you know, my current apartment is nearby. Do you want to take Yoonjin there so he can rest?” Yoongi offers you, a bit hesitant since he can see through your eyes how much you had wanted to leave since hours ago.

“I think we-”

“I don’t want to go home,” you hear Yoonjin speaks, his voice is strained and dragged by sleep, not giving you a chance to refuse the offer. “Can we go with Daddy?”

You can feel the tears in your eyes threatening to show itself once more at how he refers to Yoongi, followed by the light pang in your heart, slicing through to remind you of the remaining pain. But what excuse can you give him if you refuse? What rights do you have to disappoint your child, after weeks and months of lying to him?

“Is- Is it okay? I don’t want to trouble you,” you ask Yoongi, looking at him hesitantly, hoping that he would let you go instead.

“It’s alright. I don’t mind,” Yoongi smiles at you reassuringly. “I would appreciate it if you let me stay with Yoonjin a bit longer.”

You glance towards your child who is already dozing off on your lap and the moment you look back at Yoongi you know you have no other way but to accept his offer.

You follow Yoongi as he walks ahead after stepping off the elevator in his building. Your fingers keep fidgeting the strap of your purse while you keep your eyes on Yoonjin who is fast asleep in Yoongi’s hold. The bittersweet feeling in your heart of seeing your child being reunited with his Father who is now carrying him gently is starting to overwhelm you. Although you still can’t really tell whether they are feelings of guilt or relieved.

Yoongi stops at the door to his apartment, reaching down into his pocket to carefully retrieve his keys without waking the sleeping child in his strong arms.

“Let me do it,” you step forward to offer your hand.

“No, that’s okay. I can handle this,” Yoongi smiles at you, before finally putting the key at the door and pressing down his passcode. “These things need practice. I should get used to this anyway.” He chuckles as the door opens, and he ushers you to walk in ahead before he follows behind. You stand in the entrance foyer, after taking off your shoes only to help Yoongi by supporting Yoonjin in his arms as he takes off his.

“Let’s lay him down on the bed, shall we?”

You return Yoongi’s smile with you own and nod your head, following him close behind as he continues to carry Yoonjin towards his bedroom. You help him settle your son on his cozy bed without saying any words. The peaceful face of your son captivates you, and you watch him with adoring eyes which is similar to the one Yoongi has currently as he stands beside you, staring at the child on his bed fondly.

“Come on, we should let him sleep. I’ll go make you something warm to drink.” The touch of Yoongi’s palm on your back grabs your attention back to him. You let him guide you to leave the bedroom, sighing at the restless thumping heartbeat that just won’t stop. “Go and sit down on the sofa. You can hear him if he awakes,” Yoongi ushers you to sit on the small sofa in the lounge right outside his bedroom.

Turning your head back to glance at the opened bedroom door, you sigh once more, before answering Yoongi with a smile when he makes his way to the kitchen.

“I’m sorry for troubling you. I guess we just lost track of time and tired the little boy,” you tell him once he comes back with two cups of warm tea, one which he passes right to your hands.

“I already told you that I don’t mind,” he flashes a smile at you. “I’d love to have some extra time with you- I mean, with Yoonjin too, of course.”

You sit there awkwardly, sipping on your tea slowly. “This is a nice place. Are you- um- do you live here with anyone?”

You catch a sight of his glance for a quick moment before he looks away. “No, I live here alone,” he sighs. “I chose a spacious place because the boys would sometimes come in and stay here.”

“Ah-” You exhale a sigh. Scolding at yourself silently when your head is filled with more questions, the curiosity of the things you don’t really want to know.

“Are you curious if there is someone else?”

His question startles you. You had not expected that he will bring up the topic that you are avoiding to speak up yourself.

“I- don’t think it’s really any of my business.”

“It’s okay if you really want to know. I already told you I don’t mind, and I will tell you anything you want to know about,” he answers you firmly. “Besides there isn’t anyone else for years- uhm, what about you?”

You shake your head. “No. It’s been only me and Yoonjin for years.”

Yoongi nods his head, looking away from you by keeping his eyes on his drink yet your eyes can still catch a glimpse of his smile appearing on his lips.

You look away, trying your best not to stare at his face by keeping your eyes on how your fingers are grazing the edge of your cup. The room becomes silent for a brief while. And suddenly you can feel goosebumps surging on your skin, having the feeling of his stare aimed towards you.

“I, uh-” He clears his throat, breaking the silence between you and catching your attention back to him. You turn your head to look at him hesitantly, preparing yourself to face the tension in his eyes once more. “We have been talking all day, but you haven’t really talked about yourself. How are you, Y/N? How are you holding up?”

You have spent years giving your attention fully on your child, that you have been putting yourself aside and have never really thought about your own personal matters or needs. Yoonjin’s presence has helped you keep your mind off of all your worries and pain, and you have considered him your medicine. You have thought that his presence alone would cure your wounds, and you are thriving in life. But now that you are being questioned about yourself, now that you are handed the chance to look into your wellbeing, you finally noticed that you have overlooked on fixing your wounds for so many years, and overlooked your own happiness. And you have no answer to his question.

“I’m just doing my best, I guess. Yoonjin has been my biggest strength, to be honest. And I’m blessed to have him by my side.”

“Yara told me that you mentioned about fighting for your life. Is that true?”

You take a deep breath. Regretting the day when you let your anger took control of you, that you spilt out the words you didn’t mean to say and even spilt the dark part of your life which you had never intended on letting anyone knows. Perhaps you will regret it once more after you let him know about that day, but you know that he will never stop asking about it until you tell him everything. So you start spilling the memory of that day.

“I had a problem when I was giving birth to Yoonjin. I was away from home, alone, with a high stress of moving to a new place and starting school. Yoonjin stopped developing in my womb at some point, so they- I had to undergo a surgery to give birth to him a few weeks ahead of time.”

You let out a deep breath, the heaviness in your chest that has been piling for years is now being laid out before him. “They said I had an infection and I bled a lot. That was when the hospital had to inform my family and Mark finally came to be by my side, until Yoonjin arrived in the world. I may have exaggerated things when I lashed out on Yara, I’m sorry for making you think that-”

“No,” Yoongi only shakes his head, the creases that are evident above his eyebrows shows his worries and by having no more anger inside your heart, you are now feeling guilty of filling his head with worries. “You were angry, and I get that. But Y/N, you shouldn’t have to endure that alone. I should’ve- I’m so sorry.” He rubs his palm over his lips, perhaps trying to imagine what you’ve had been going through after you were both apart. The troubled look on his face adds guilt inside you.

“It’s okay, I got through it really well. And I have Yoonjin. Worth every fight, because I will never trade having him in my life to anything else.” You give him a smile, only to stop him from worrying. “What about you, Yoongi? How are you holding up?”

Yoongi is flustered at your question, being lost in his own thoughts. He can’t seem rid the thought of you struggling by yourself many years ago, and he can’t stop blaming himself. “I’ve been focused on work. And, uh- I guess that's pretty much it,” he chuckles, earning a smile to appear from you but then he just falters the moment he looks into your eyes. “I'm terribly sorry, Y/N. Please- Please forgive me for letting you go through everything alone. I meant what I said about my intention of doing everything I can to make it up to you, to both of you.”

You only nod your head and look away. Giving a chance for another awkward silence to fill the room.

“So, uhm- What is your plan?” He asks you, after a while. The look in his eyes emitting hope, and truthfully, you have no answer.

“I’m not sure yet-”

“You are staying permanently in the city, right?” Yoongi leans on his seat. You can see how anxious he awaits for your answer by the way his fingers are gripping onto his cup.

“I haven't made any plans, but- If Yoonjin wants to stay here, then I would-”

“But what about you?” You meet his eyes, seeing the plea written faintly in his stare. “What do you want?”

“I, uh-” You look around the room only to avoid his gaze. You realize that once you look deep inside your heart to find that buried wishes, you might give a chance for the buried feelings to emerge. And you are too afraid to let that happen. “Look, Yoongi- I really appreciate this,” you answer hesitantly, placing the cup in your hand on top of the coffee table before you. “Thank you for giving Yoonjin your time and a chance for him to get to know you. I should probably call a cab and take Yoonjin home before dinner.”

Yoongi extends his hand to stop you from leaving your seat. “Please stay. Let him rest for more. I will fix you guys some dinner, just- Stay, just one night.”

“But Yoongi-”

“Y/N, I didn’t come to see you only for Yoonjin. Give me a chance to know more of you too. I just- Just stay. I will drive you both home later.”

There is a part in your heart that screams for you to just leave and run. But there is also a part of your heart that is too tired of running, tired of avoiding him. Perhaps you still miss him, that you also want more time to see him, or perhaps you need closure. At this moment you still have no clue what it is that keeps you from refusing and just take your son away. But you give in to that one little plea in your heart to stay.

“Okay, Yoongi. Just for one night. I don’t want to trouble you too much.”

He only shakes his head while leaving his seat. “It’s not troubling me at all, Y/N. I’m only taking care of my son, and you, of course. You are the mother of my child, after all.”

One night of dinner becomes two. And before you know it, it has been a week and you have been spending every night having dinner together, switching between Yoongi’s place and yours. All you keep in mind is how this makes Yoonjin happy, since he gets to see his father more often, and somehow along the way, it’s getting much easier for you as well to stay close to Yoongi.

From one week quickly passes into one month and onto the second. There are times when Yoongi would even spare his time to pick up your son from the kindergarten and takes him to work, and there are times when Yoonjin would spend a whole weekend with Yoongi.

Yoongi does everything he could to stay present in Yoonjin’s life, giving more and more space in his life for his son. While subtly makes his way into yours.

The third month comes in. You are sitting in your office one late afternoon, not worrying about picking up your son from his school since he is staying with his grandparents. You let yourself drown in the piles of works, which has been escalating since your company becomes partners with Yoongi’s company, and you have just finished designing the line specifically made for Yoongi and his group.

A soft knock on the door interrupts your concentration, just as the exhaustion is slowly building up.

You turn to look at the doorway, finding him standing there with a smile, a warm look in his eyes, a bouquet of flowers in one of his hands, and a cup of takeaway coffee in another.

“Yoongi- What are you doing here?”

His smile widens, “I was just passing by, and I thought I should bring you some coffee since I know you’ll be busy today.” He lifts his hand to show the paper cup in his hand with a chuckle. “Can I come in?”

You nod your head, giving him a smile before your eyes fall to the flowers in his hand as he walks closer to your desk. “And what are those flowers for?”

“Oh, uhm-” Yoongi chuckles, smiling sheepishly while swinging the flower in his hand before handing them to you. “I was- I saw them right after I got out of the coffee shop and, um- I thought it’ll be nice if you have some of these on your desk.”

“Well, thank you,” you stand up to take the coffee and flowers from his hands, gesturing your hand so he can take the seat at the opposite of your desk. “You don’t have to, really.”

Yoongi sits down on the chair, watching you as you place both things on the desk before sitting back down. “I want to,” he says. You look back at him, your heartbeat increasing rapidly as your eyes meet his stare.

“Yoongi, why are you here?”

He sighs, taking his time by fixing the front of his coat before he speaks. “I’m here to pick you up for dinner.”

“But- Yoonjin isn’t here.”

“I know. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t take you for dinner with me, right?”

You eyes widen at his words. “But why?”

“Why not?” He shrugs. “I already promised to make up for the time I lost in your lives. I’ve only been spending the times with Yoonjin. Can’t I include you too?”

You stand from your seat and walk away towards the back of your office, avoiding him and hiding your face as your mind is filled with questions and doubts.

“Why is it so hard for you to open up to me again, Y/N? Do you still hate me that much?”

You shake your head, looking down at your hands as they are rested on your thighs. “I don’t hate you, Yoongi.”

You don’t notice that he has been following and closing in on you, until you can feel his hands on your upper arms, before he turns your body gently to face him. “Then tell me what is wrong. It’s just a simple dinner. I mean, can’t I just have a chance to spend time with you without having Yoonjin around? Why do you keep avoiding me if you don’t hate me that much anymore?”

“I don’t-”

You know the reason why. It’s been a while since the anger inside your heart within you subsides, and you have feared about what would emerge inside you once that happens. That is why you have been avoiding him. But there is no way you can let him know.

It’s hard to keep your mind straight when he is now standing so close to you, his warmth and the scent of his cologne are filling your senses, and the look in Yoongi’s eyes isn’t helping you at all. But you can’t even look away. You can only hope that he won’t notice how your heart is beating fast at the sight of his beautiful face, how you are so close to crumbling to the floor just by his touch, and how your tears are threatening to fall from being overwhelmed at the feelings that are growing inside you. You want to push him away, but at the same time you want him closer, and your mind is now in a mess when you can’t decide which one would be best.

“Getting close to me again was not part of the deal, Yoongi.”

“We never made any deal in the first place. And I never made any promise for not trying,” he says to you, unwavering from where he stands. “I can’t lie to you. None of this wouldn’t even happen or ever begin with if I didn’t run back to you at the airport that day. And I didn’t come back to see him at first, I came back for you. I went back because I wanted to see you again, I wanted more time and more chance to talk to you. I have been searching for you and I only stopped because I thought you never wanted to see me again, but that day I couldn’t think of anything but to try and make my way back to you again. I have never stopped thinking about you for years, and I can’t stop thinking about you more ever since that day.”

His words hit you hard and you can no longer stop your tears from falling. All of the nights where your mind was filled with questions of ‘what if’ and ‘what could have’, all the sleepless nights of wondering the possibilities that might have happened if you had taken different decisions, comes through your mind. And you let the one question that has been carved in your memory to slip through your lips, “Then why did you leave me in the first place, Yoongi? Why did you turn your back away from me? Why did you let me go?”

“I was an idiot,” he sighs, raising one hand to caress your cheek and wipe the tears off your skin, while the other is resting on your shoulder. “My future and my career were still unclear, my life was hanging by a thread and every time I looked at you, I was afraid of what kind of future I could give you when you had everything and I didn’t have anything to offer you.”

He reaches for your hand and gives a light kiss over your knuckles. “I thought- Letting you go was the best for both of us. I thought I could give you a chance to go further and give me a chance to focus on chasing my dream. I was wrong-” He looks into your eyes, showing you how true his words are, and showing his guilt. “I’m so sorry. None of this would have happened if I didn’t chicken out and push you away. I regretted everything as soon as I lost you. And even after I couldn’t find you, I- you were the only one in my mind. Your image has been the only one I think about to motivate me into moving on and you are the only one I think about when I write my music.”

“Yoongi-”

“I meant what I said when I told you how much I want to make it up to both of you. And I mean it when I say I want to try again with you.”

You are practically sobbing right now, but you try your best to keep it together, taking deep breaths to help you speak. “We haven’t met each other for years, Yoongi. We are both completely different people now, so many things happened and I have changed. You changed. The person you sought for at the airport wasn’t me, but it was the memory of me. I’m not the same person anymore, Yoongi.”

“I know. I can see that.” He grips on your shoulder, while lifting your chin so you can meet his eyes. “But I want to know you, the person in front of me now. And I want you to know me as the person I am now. I’m willing to try, and I’m asking you to give me a chance to try it with me.”

“Yoongi, I don’t know-”

“Why? Can’t you at least tell me why?”

You open your lips to answer but you stop yourself. Because you have nothing to say, no answer to refuse. How can you find any words to say, when the only thing in your mind is how much you have missed him for so long. And when you realize that the only reason you have been avoiding him is that you don’t want your hidden feelings to grow once more.

TWO YEARS LATER

Yoongi takes a last look on the mirror while putting on his suit jacket. He double checks on his hair and tie before stepping out of his bedroom and makes his way to his son’s bedroom.

Yoonjin is in the middle of fumbling with his tie in front of the mirror, making a complete mess on the knots and not paying attention at his father as he walks closer.

“Need help, kiddo?” Yoongi chuckles from behind, stopping right behind his son and waits for his answer since he knows that the child hates it if he meddles with his effort.

Yoonjin pouts, keeping his eyes on the reflection of his tie on the mirror. “I can do it,” he groans. “I’m just confused.”

Yoongi chuckles at his son stubbornness, immediately comparing them to yours. “Come on, let me fix that for you, or at least let me show you how to do it, okay?”

The child lets out a huff, finally giving up and letting go of the tie, giving his father a chance to show him the right way to make the knots. Yoongi leans down to fix the tie, mumbling on the steps to teach his son as he does it for him. Once he is done, he raises his hands to fix the child’s still messy hair, reaching out for the comb next to the mirror to tidy them.

“There, now we are ready to go,” he smiles at the child through the mirror, which Yoonjin returns in the same way. “Are you excited to see Mommy? Do you miss her?” Yoonjin nods his head while touching his tie. “I am. Do I look good enough, Dad? I wanna look good for Mommy.” Yoongi only chuckles. “You look great,” he says, sighing at the reflection in the mirror, staring fondly at the child’s eyes and admiring how much they resemble yours. The flutter in his heart is close to bringing his tears to fall out, yet he takes a deep breath to keep the overwhelming feeling sealed to himself. “We should go now, she must be waiting.”

“Okay,” Yoonjin turns around, grabbing his jacket and his shoes, putting them on with the help of his father. Moments after, Yoongi walks ahead with his car keys in his hand, followed by his son, as they make their way out of the apartment together.

“Yoongi- I can’t-”

“Give me a reason why. Tell me that there is no more love for me and that I have no effect on you whatsoever, and I will let this go.”

But you didn’t want him to let it go. You wanted him closer. You have wanted him to since many nights ago, ever since you were able to laugh with his jokes freely, since you could end the night with glasses of wine with him comfortably while your son was fast asleep in his room, since you have let him stay in your apartment that one night when the weather was bad and he was too tired to drive home.

It was the remaining pain and the fear that he would let you go again that had been stopping you from asking for more of him in your life. And that fear was soon defeated by the fear of having him to take back his words and give up on you before you ever gave him a chance to enter your heart and your life fully once more.

“Tell me how to erase the pain, Yoongi.” Tears were starting to fall out of your eyes before you even noticed they were there. “Tell me how to not feel them, because I missed you so much, but I’m also scared that you will let me go again.”

Your sight were clouded by the tears that were flowing out, that you were unaware on how his eyes were glistening with tears. He released a deep sigh before pulling you gently so he could now rest his forehead on yours. “I was too afraid of the future and now I am not afraid of it anymore. You and Yoonjin are my future and now that I have you both in my life I am never letting go again. Ever.”

You didn’t know if you can trust him. You wanted to trust him. And with how close he was standing with you, how you could feel his heartbeat through the palm that you placed on his chest and how his thumbs were grazing on your skin, you couldn’t fight the rushing feeling inside you.

Yoongi parks the car, turning the machines off while glancing at his son that has his eyes on the bouquet of flowers in his hands, fidgeting on its ribbon with his fingers. Yoongi chuckles at the sight, lifting his hand to gently strokes on the boy’s hair. “What is it? Why are you nervous?”

The boy only shrugs. “I’m okay, Daddy.”

Yoongi raises his brows, and watches his son, admiring how much resembles both you and himself. The lines on the boy’s face are much similar to Yoongi, even how he pouts and smiles are remarkably the same as his. But that look in his eyes, the light that he emits through his stares, the soft strands of his hair, everything resembles you.

For the last two years, Yoongi has had a chance of getting to know more of the boy’s traits, his little habits, his emotions. Even the way he hides his thoughts and how he blocks away his emotions reminds him of you. Yoongi sits there next to the child, letting everything to sink in and putting him on the edge of tears from being so blessed with Yoonjin’s presence by his side. He can’t help but feel amazed at how you have taken such a good care of him for five years before Yoongi finally gets a chance to be in his life.

Yoongi lifts his hand and gently strokes on the child’s hair. “Are you sure?”

The boy nods his head before smiling at his father. “I’m ready.”

“You’re not the only one who’s been lying. But perhaps I was lying to myself more,” Yoongi sighed, and you turned your head to look at his face. He was staring at the ceiling and you could only look at the side of his face, yet you can still read his thoughts just by looking at the way he was keeping his eyes up and away from you. It might had been years for both of you to be apart from each other, and so much have changed, but ever since he started to open up to you again, you could finally learn how to read his emotions and thoughts.

“What do you mean?” You whispered to him. You turned your body slightly on the bed to face him, placing your palm on his bare chest hesitantly. You were about to pull away when he caught your hand and kiss your palm.

“I insisted to myself and to you, that I’m only doing this for Yoonjin. At first I thought, I can let go of our past and still be a good Father for Yoonjin. I can overlook how I feel for you, as long as I get to be his Father, and still stay close to you. But the more I see him, and see the reflection of you in him, the more I can’t see you not being with us, not being by my side to watch him grow up.” Yoongi released a sigh, keeping your hand in his and pressing your palm onto his chest once more, letting you feel the soft thumps of his heartbeat. “I tried to shake away all of my hopes, forcing me to believe that whatever it was we had in the past should just stay as a good memory. But whatever I do, it doesn’t stop me from falling in love with you all over again. I might sound selfish, but I want you both in my life just the same.”

You closed your eyes, admitting to yourself how you have been doing pretty much the same thing. You have been convincing yourself that you had only let him back into your life for Yoonjin’s sake, pushing your own feelings away. “I’m sorry that I keep pushing you away,” you whispered to him. “I was so afraid of going back to being the young girl that was so deep in love with you. I guess you were right, we have changed. But I guess there are certain things that can’t be changed after all.”

Yoongi turned to look at you, his hand were still playing with your fingers while the other hand that was resting beneath you wrapped itself around your shoulders to pull you closer. “No, I deserved it. It’s only fair because I did that to you back then. Do you trust me now?”

You only gave him a smile while scooting closer to share your warmth. No words were needed, because Yoongi could see everything from the look in your eyes and from the smile that you were giving him, and he knew that you were ready to give him your whole world.

Yoongi gives a few soft knocks on the door, catching the attention of the man that is sitting inside the room with his back facing the door. “Is she asleep?” Yoongi whispered to him, glancing over to the center of the room.

“Oh, you’re here. Yeah, she just fell asleep minutes ago,” the man stands up to welcome Yoongi as he walks in, followed by his curious son close behind.

Yoongi smiles at him. “Sorry I took so long, I had to stop by and finish dealing with some papers downstairs.”

“Ah, no worries. We had a good talk while waiting for you guys,” he grins. “Well now that you are here, I should get going.”

“Thanks for staying with her while I picked up Yoonjin,” Yoongi shakes his hand.

“No problem, good luck,” he says, tapping on Yoongi’s arms before making his way out quietly, stopping by only to ruffle Yoonjin’s hair as the boy is too busy keeping his eyes away from both men. “See you later, big guy.”

“Ow- Oh okay, Uncle Mark.”

Yoongi watches as your brother leaves the room before turning to look at you, just in time to see you shifting awake from your sleep. “Hello, beautiful,” he greets you with a smile while he takes the empty seat next to the bed.

You release a sleepy groan, frowning at the nickname he just gave you and scoff, “You must be referring to someone else, cause I probably look like a complete mess.”

He chuckles, leaning forward to leave a kiss on your temple while whispering, “No, you look absolutely beautiful. Both of you are.”

You follow his eyes as he turns his gaze towards the little crib attached to the bed, where your little baby girl is letting her fingers being teased and played by her older brother, who is grinning wide and staring at her fondly.

“I can’t believe she’s here,” you sigh, blinking away the sleep and tears that are covering your eyes.

“You did a great job,” Yoongi looks at you with a smile, removing the strand of hair that falls over your face.

You look at both of them and notice how they are both looking all dandy and all dressed up. “Why do you guys look so good when you’re only here to pick me up?”

Yoongi lets out a chuckle, “It was his idea. He wanted to show you how he can dress himself up. I had to change my outfit just so I won’t look like a slump compared to him.” You laugh along with him, feeling more than grateful for the warmth that is emitting in the room just by their presence. Yoongi sighs, rubbing your arms gently with his smile still appearing on his face. “Are you ready to go home?”

You return his warm gaze and his smile with your own, releasing a sigh as you sink down on the bed to rest your body before having to wake up.

“Yes, I’m ready.”

a/n: thank you for reading this series. This is where the series ends. I will not continue this, but I might post the other alternate endings one day *shrugs* but I hope you love this one as much as I do. Sorry for being sappy *sobs*. I also want to thank @ssconce for proofreading this (and my other friends who don’t have Tumblr blogs) I love you all^^

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Disclaimer: All works are written by myself. Any copyright infringement, reposting on any other social media or website, and any act of plagiarism will be dealt with legal action

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