#damn that would be a sad af but really sweet hurt/comfort au

[dickie-gayson]

Rockabye

CHAPTER 1: LOVE AND DEVOTION

Summary:  After an accident took Bruce from their family and their 'uncle' forced them out, Dick's been left to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives. He's tested day in and day out on just how far he'll go to keep his siblings safe and warm.

Characters: Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Damian Wayne, Tim Drake, Cassandra Cain, Alfred Pennyworth, Thomas Wayne Jr.

Genre: Family, Hurt/Comfort

Length: 3k+

Other: Dick adopts and takes care of his younger siblings. Jason is an overprotective little brother. Civilian!AU, Stripper!Dick, Waiter!Dick, the other siblings are all students, Thomas Wayne Jr is Creepy AF toward Dick. Jason wants to be a pediatrician, Cass wants to be a Dancer, Dami wants to be a vet, and Tim doesn’t know what to do anymore.

Find It On: Ao3 Fanfiction

LOVE AND DEVOTION

The faint scent of citrus and smoke lingered in the air as a cacophony of music and drunken chattering painted the room with what could only be described as grating background noise. In the dim lighting of the strip club, the hazy trails of cigarette smoke could be seen hanging in the atmosphere. Nine Lives was as refined an establishment as it was sleazy in its backdoor dealings. The traffic it drew varied from patrons eager to get drunk and ogle the entertainment to shady individuals with less than noble intentions. Anyone who spent time in the underground crime scene knew of this place, if for no other reason than the owner of the club; Sal Maroni.

Dick hated this place with every fiber of his being, but he needed the money desperately. Had he any better option, he wouldn't hesitate to take it. Sadly, there were surprisingly few opportunities for a former circus performer and ex-cop. Perhaps it had less to do with his resume and more to do with who is family is, or rather was. Being the son of a deceased billionaire garnered little sympathy, even one as benevolent as a Wayne. If only they knew why he was searching for a job. In the end, his pride wasn't worth a damn when his little siblings were starving. There wasn't a thing on this earth he wouldn't do for them. That much was being proven every day.

He could still remember the moment he found out about the accident. His world fell apart around him once more. And while he and his brothers and sister had been grieving, their 'uncle' swooped in to pick the remains of their inheritance clean. He'd taken the manor and evicted the five as well as their butler without a moment's hesitation. It was the single most callous display of human greed and malignance he'd ever seen.

There'd been a moment of hope that the six wouldn't be left homeless. Thomas had taken him aside, an almost kind expression on his face. It made Dick's skin crawl. The man was never kind. It had to be a ruse in an effort to further his own agenda. The words that came from Thomas' lips, the sliding hand and growing leer only justified that thought. He'd let them live in the manor, all of them, under one simple condition. He felt disgusted, downright nauseous at the memory of the proposition alone.

Thomas never used to be like that. Sure, he never was a pleasant man. There was something innately...unsettling, almost evil, about him. A bone-deep coldness that no amount of money or faux-grins could hide. Being around him for any length of time felt like sitting next to a hungry cobra. He was far too calculating and distant from anything even resembling human emotions to be comforting company. Still, what he proposed was sick. Dick noticed the mounting change over time. Thomas had always been interested in his acrobatics, but never in any way more than clinical interest, to see what asset he could be to the man's enterprise.

That began to change as he aged. When he started to grow into himself and fill out into his current appearance was when those icy, appraising stares turned a little more into interested leers. Touches drifted and lingered uncomfortably. Words turned almost slimy to the ear. He wasn't the only one to notice. His father confronted Thomas in a fit of explosive rage and it quickly turned violent. Had Alfred not split it up, the cops surely would have been involved. After that, Thomas made himself scarce. In fact, the next time he saw his 'uncle' was at the funeral. The man had the audacity to arrive late without an ounce of remorse or sadness. One would never believe his little brother lay in the casket from the uncaring way he lingered in the back. The entire time, Dick felt those unsettling eyes watching him like a hawk.

After that is when Thomas evicted the five and fired Alfred. He'd fought tooth and nail with the man. How could he just kick out his niece and nephews, one of which was thirteen and sickly and the other only nine? That oily little smile gave him a clue just what sort of proposition was coming. Even though he'd been expecting it, it still didn't stop the sickening feeling from rising in his stomach. Despite the fact that it made his gut churn in horror, he actually contemplated accepting the terms just so his siblings and unofficial grandfather had somewhere to sleep and food to eat. Jason, bless his soul, intervened with an anger and vicious protectiveness that matched their father's. It was what kept him from taking the deal. However, not a day went by where he didn't think of calling Thomas up and accepting.

He was pulled from the thoughts as he made his way out of the back halls of the strip club, deftly stepping around other dancers. It was reaching one in the morning and his shift was officially over. He took his tips and couldn't wait to get back to their shitty apartment and just crash for a few hours. He halted midstep when his eyes landed on the familiar form of his little brother hunched over a breakroom table, steadily writing away. He couldn't help but let out a slightly frustrated sigh. Jason knew better than to be here, especially on a school night, especially at this time. Then again, the teen never cared much to follow rules he didn't like. It seemed to be a family trait.

Quietly, he crept up on his brother and peeked over his shoulder to see what had him so enraptured. It appeared to be an essay about the Catcher in the Rye. He could remember reading that in high school, though it hadn't really caught his attention well. Jason was far more enthusiastic about school and its entailed work than any of the other siblings. He'd even been a Class Officer, whatever that meant. Dick liked to tease him about being a nerd, despite his 'James Dean, rebel with a cause' style he had going on. Never before did he see a guy rocking a leather jacket, combat boots, and riding a motorcycle so excited to do extra credit homework. The kid was going places, that much was known and Dick couldn't be prouder.

For a moment, he just stood there and watched his little brother scribble furiously and make agitated noises while erasing. Then, he cleared his throat, causing the younger man to startle violently. He had to duck a backhanded punch. The string of swears slipping from his brother caused him to laugh lightly. Dick slung his arm over his shoulder and nudged him.

"What are you doing here?"

The spread of crimson across his cheeks showed that he was sufficiently embarrassed. Naturally, to cover up that perceived weakness, Jason shoved at him with a glare. It wasn't nearly as intimidating when his face was doing a good impression of a tomato. He never was big on showing anything he considered a 'weakness', even something like caring. Really, he couldn't blame his brother. With his past and where he came from, something like that could be held against him.

"What does it look like? Waiting for you, dumbass."

It was hard to take it as an insult when the words were mumbled out with a genuinely caring edge. Dick just sighed and leaned back to let Jason gather his stuff and stand.

"I told you not to wait here for me, especially on school nights."

The look he got was only mildly scathing in nature, which was a plus.

"Yeah? And I told you I don't care. There are way too many creeps around here."

An amused little smirk curled the corner of Dick's lips. While his brother might have trouble really expressing himself - who didn't in his family? - he had a real heart of gold. It was adorable.

"Aww. how sweet. Your concern is really endearing. You don't think I can take care of myself?"

His attempt at ruffling Jason's hair was thwarted by a dodge and half-hearted swipe from the younger boy.

"Shut up, dickhead. I know you can, but these assholes don't play fair. I'm just evening the odds."

There was that slight twist of his features that showed just how embarrassed he was to display any concern. The thought that his seventeen-year-old little brother was 'evening the odds' was almost surreal. Though, he couldn't really deny that he was growing to be intimidating in stature. The two were damn near eye level now with Jason being broader built and more heavily muscled, cutting an imposing figure.

"Alright, alright. C'mon, you know Alfie's waiting up to chew you out, and by proxy me. Plus you gotta get up in like five hours."

Jason just let out a scoff and very pointedly rolled his eyes.

"So do you. You don't sleep, I don't sleep. That's the rules."

It tugged at Dick's heart how serious Jason was about that. He'd been fighting with his brother over this since everything fell apart. Jason figured if he refused to sleep until Dick did, it'd encourage the older man to sleep more and take better care of himself. It was as endearing as it was heartbreaking.

"That's definitely not the rules. If you start falling behind in school because you don't sleep, it'll be harder for you to get a scholarship."

Jason just looked at his feet with a scowl firmly in place at the words. He knew it to be true, but that didn't mean he liked it.

"Wouldn't need a scholarship if that asshole didn't take everything."

His words were filled to the brim with a searing hatred and Dick mirrored those feelings. Though there was a touch more fear on Dick's end, for obvious reasons. With a low sigh, he put a hand on Jason's shoulder as they made their way toward the exit.

"I know. We'll work things out though, we always do. Besides, you're so damn smart, Jay. Colleges are probably lining up with scholarships for you."

Try as he might, Jason couldn't quite suppress the pleased little grin from appearing on his lips. Getting praise still felt strange to him, even four years after being taken into the family. But it was a nice sort of strange. It's one reason he fought so fiercely for them all, even if sometimes he wanted to throw his little brothers in a ditch somewhere. They all came from broken backgrounds yet they managed to find a common thread in their pains that tied them together in this strange little fucked up family of theirs. Even that absolute douchebag that is Bruce's older brother couldn't shatter their bond. If anything, he only served to make their attachment to one another stronger. Still, if Jason had the opportunity, he'd shatter Thomas' everything with a baseball bat, no hesitation.

"Damn right they are. Who wouldn't want me to attend their school?"

A cocky, crooked grin was sent Dick's way, causing the older man to laugh lightly.

"Exactly! I can see it now: Doctor Todd, the renowned pediatrician. They'd be crazy not to snatch you up."

Jason was quiet for a moment, that small smile still in place. There seemed to be an added heaviness to his features, a sort of sadness that Dick was all too familiar with. Without looking at him, Jason spoke in a small voice.

"You think Bruce would be proud?"

The words caused Dick's heart to break all over again. For what seemed to be the millionth time, he cursed the drunk driver that had caused the horrible accident that took their father from them. He gave Jason a tight, one-armed hug, knowing he wasn't big on physical affection.

"Absolutely. We're all so proud of you, Little Wing. Don't ever forget it."

That heaviness that seemed to weigh Jason down lightened just a bit at the heartfelt words. He'd always had an affinity with kids and loved to help others. His decision was only solidified after the accident when the doctors couldn't save Bruce. It had also caused Tim internal injuries, resulting in him needing to have a kidney removed. Some trauma never left and he's been borderline sickly ever since. They needed special - and pricey - medication to keep him healthy. Jason wanted to help those like his family, those that lost it all. He'd planned to work in a free clinic as he knew all too well how bullshit the medical system has become.

Dick tossed a casual 'bye' to his coworkers as they went out the back. They returned with a chorus of good-byes, many of them tacking on 'Little Wing', much to Jason's intense mortification. Dick had to bite his tongue not to laugh at his brother's cherry-red face. The scowl would be more threatening if it didn't look closer to an embarrassed pout. He got a shove for his efforts. Jason huffed and crossed his arms, looking all the part of a moody teen now more than ever. Dick just shook his head in amusement.

Both brothers walked in silence down the darkened Gotham streets, each lost in thought. They made careful to avoid alleys like the plague. 'Evening the Odds' didn't mean they felt even remotely safe traversing those passages and with good reason. The chances of them getting mugged or worse were astronomically high, even if they were two grown men. Well, one grown and one almost eighteen, but Jason certainly looked the part. Dick would very much rather drive to and from work, but he did so as little as possible. Their money was tight as is, he couldn't afford the gas, repairs, or payments to maintain a vehicle. That hatred for Thomas in him burned a little brighter.

At Jason's insistent nudge, Dick crossed the street. He gave his brother an inquisitive look only to notice the sharp way he was staring at one particular alley. Quickly, Jason averted his eyes in an effort not to be caught looking by whoever the hell was lurking. Dick didn't see anyone but he trusted Jason's instincts. He grew up on these streets and knew the ins and outs better than any of them. If he thought something was up with that alley, they could take a detour around the entrance. Anything to keep his baby brother safe.

He didn't ask and Jason didn't tell. That's how it usually was with the streets. Better to keep quiet and pretend you didn't see anything than make yourself a target. Dick sighed softly at the life they now led. One day, it'll change. He swore it. No matter what he has to do, he'll change it for them. Until that day, they'd scrape by one way or another.

There was an obvious ease of tension once they stepped into their shitty apartment complex. It was small, the walls were cracked and yellowed, the floor looked and felt like it hadn't been cleaned in ages, and he's pretty sure their neighbor was a drug dealer, but it was better than the streets. They only had two bedrooms to split between six people. It was a tight squeeze, especially compared to the cushy life they had at the manor.

The two tiptoed around the creaking floors in an effort not to disturb the sleeping kids. Before he got far, Dick noticed Damian fast asleep on the couch, clearly waiting for him to return. He frowned lightly as he debated on moving the young boy to his room but decided against it. Damian was a notoriously light sleeper and he wanted to disturb him as little as possible.

The eldest brother continued on his path and peeked his head into one room to check on his other younger siblings. Tim was curled up on a beat up mattress and Cass was sprawled out on the mat next to the bed, both sound asleep. Or so he thought. Cass appeared to have heard him despite his best efforts and looked over at the door, body tensed to move. Once she recognized the intruder as Dick she relaxed and flashed him a small, tired grin. He gave her one in return and signed an apology. She just gave a light shrug before curling back up to sleep.

Dick moved from the doorframe and looked into the other room. As he suspected, Alfred was up and sitting in a chair, reading a book like it wasn't after one in the morning. The elderly man glanced up, looking as put together as ever despite the time. Dick gave him a small wave and smile. Alfred returned it in like before marking his place and putting the book down. It looked as if he didn't want to sleep until his two eldest were safely home. Dick hated that. He just wanted the others to take it easy, not wait up for him because he couldn't get a better job in a safer place. They deserved better than they were getting. It grated on his every nerve.

Jason gave him a somewhat awkward shoulder-pat as he moved passed him to lay down on his own mat. It was his way of being affectionate without having to get too touchy. He gave the younger man a slight grin and quiet 'good night' before making his way toward the bathroom to take a shower. He needed to wash the stench of the club off him. It helped him feel cleaner on a more than skin deep level. Not to mention his customers at the diner probably wouldn't appreciate the scent of liquor and sweat or the copious amounts of glitter coming off of him.

It had to be a brisk shower, the hot water rarely lasted long, much to everyone's frustration. Once he was clean, he made his way to the living room to get a nap before having to take his shift at The Monarch Diner. That place was possibly as bad as Nine Lives. He's pretty certain they hired him because he was nice to look at. They encouraged him to flirt with customers in hopes of better tips and returning patrons. Well, it certainly worked. He's had enough creepy people returning just to try and get with him. Both Jason and Damian have nearly been banned for attempting to throttle some of the more touchy customers.

Since then, he's toned down on the flirting, even if his bosses insist otherwise. It wasn't their asses on the line. They weren't the ones who had to look over their shoulders for literal stalkers. God, he hated working there but there wasn't much else for him to do. He's constantly looking for better jobs but without success. Even Alfred's taken up a job working at a hotel to clean the rooms in an effort to keep the income somewhat steady. It only made Dick all the more determined to find something, anything, better.

He slipped onto the couch quietly, trying to disturb the nine-year-old as little as possible. The kid, attentive as ever, woke at the shifting of the cushions. Spotting his eldest brother, Damian curled up closer to him. Dick wrapped him in a hug and ran his fingers through his raven locks to try to coax him back to sleep. He placed a gentle kiss on the top of his head and tried to enjoy his few hours of peace. It'd get better for them, it had to.

#My Writing #Rockabye Verse #Dick Grayson #Jason Todd #Tim Drake #Damian Wayne #Cassandra Cain #Alfred Pennyworth #Thomas Wayne Jr #Stripper!Dick #Waiter!Dick #Student!Jason #Student!Cass #Student!Tim #Student!Damian #my poor children will never be happy #the AU i've been thinking of but never got around to doing

[kahliethefangirl]

Young God

Pairing: Ivar x OC (Modern AU) Rating: E Warnings: Contains sexual content, MCD, depression and anxiety, triggers. Note: I got the VIP seat on the angst train right now and I’m heading straight to that wall over there. I will regret this when waking up tomorrow. Got insipred af by Halsey’s Young God and my own depression. Guess it’s good for something. And the greatest hug I can muster to all you out there fighting with that same crippling depression as I. I love you all (yeah this is the worst way showing it but I suck) You are the strongest people I know of ,breathing every day. You are strong! __ He was the dark side of the moon. She was the brightest day of sun.

He was the crippled mess messing around even more to the point it pained him to the core.

She was the good girl always making her bed when she woke up each morning to give her mother the daily kiss on her rosy cheek.

He drank his coffee black with a cigarette from the corner of his mouth and she was the one drinking green tea and running an hour before bed.

He was dark, she was light. He was bad, she was good.

He was determined to ruin her completely and she kept telling her heart she didn't need it so badly.

"This is a bad idea." Line grunts when he grins over his broad shoulder; head covered by the grey hood of his shirt.

"My middle name, baby girl." He limps onward until they find themselves in the backyard of the old abandoned house; the empty pool full of debris and the blue paint chipped.

"Why here?" She looks around like someone would care and he purrs like a cat stretching in that specific spot of warm sun at her being so insecure.

"Why not?" He throw the crutches away after sitting down on the stair leading down to the bottom of the pool.

One step at the time he heaved himself and with arms crossed she is watching him with arms stretched over his head when finally at the bottom amongst the leaves, empty bottles and memories left for the wind.

She was always around him whenever he asked it of her and he always did. She needed his ruining touch as much as he needed her mending kindness.

There was this silent, constant little war of who would win. Would she help him out of his misery laced with the weed and the alcohol or would he drag her down with him to the bottom of that dry pool without water to drown her in his own thirst for redemption?

"Why can't we go see a movie like normal people or cook, or whatever?" She squirms on her spot looking down at him.

She never did however: not once did she ever look down on him.

Throughout his depressions deepest pits, when crawling over her lawn drunk as ever or when he could barely keep his hands off of her. Never did she ever blame him.

"Because we are not normal people." He grins and she loves it, how it makes her feel.

He's so sure of himself outwardly. He always tells her stories about how they will be the greatest and how one day people will no longer laugh at them.

He's been to heaven he says, the first time she allowed him to kiss her. She thinks it's cute but stupid. Her kiss is nothing like heaven although Ivar says so. Ivar talks a lot however.

"Come on pet, just a little wine and then we can watch the stars all night or whatever is your perfect picture of a date." He teases and she rolls her honey eyes at him before finally descending to his level; at least a bit.

"Don't be scared, the water is amazing!" He pretends to play around in the nonexistent water and draws laughter from her. A sound he is most fond of. It reminds him of being happy, not constantly feeling the need to suffocate his pain with stupid and reckless shit in all honesty just making it worse.

She loves his laugh because she knows he can feel a bit of it when he allows it. She desperately hopes he will find it one day. The light.

The cork of the wine jumps away and he puts the green bottle to his rich lips and she stares. Oh he knows how she stares at him when she thinks he can't see.

He stares too but he doesn't care if she sees it or not. Never have she allowed him to touch her underneath those proper clothes so he's in his full right staring.

"Now you." He offers her the bottle, the sweet scent of red wine reminding her of the first and only time he got her drunk. "I bought a good one this time, try." His lips indeed tastes of the wine and her heart rate is going of charts like it always does.

She secretly wishes for him to have her break so she can give herself fully to him.. but the silver ring on her finger reminds her of the promise she made; not to ever touch a man before married.

God or Ivar? It was a choice harder than he could wrap his head around.

He swore to her God that they would make him look small and pointless if she just let him show her the realm of young Gods. Or reckless youths as Line always called them.

When his lips leave hers she takes a swig of the wine but it would never taste as good as when from his own mouth.

Her entire being already wanted him to be as close to her as humanly possible and knowing the wine would make it harder to resist she simply decline having more.

With a grunt and a shrug he drinks by himself, not minding. That is what he does.

Ivar drinks, Ivar smokes, Ivar is hurting himself in any way possible in futile hope it would sooner or later release him from the real pain inside of him.

Line didn't know what depression and anxiety was like. She has been sad about small things in comparison and so angry at times she thought it impossible for it to be worse. Then she had met Ivar.

Three years and she had held him so many times whilst screaming and praying for death to come just so he wouldn't have to feel himself die anymore.

So many shirts had been smeared with snot, tears and saliva and sometimes even blood.

She knew there was scars on his prominent hipbones causing the tempting V of his abdomen to look even sharper.

She knew there were records in the hospital of numerous times they had to empty his stomach of pills.

She knew she wasn't one of those Gods he always talked of them being but still she was there, constantly trying to save him just one more day.

"You know-" he whispers when darkness slowly crawled up the sky; letting it slowly shift in different colors until they could finally spot the first stars as he had promised her.

"-sometimes I think you're the most pretty thing on earth." He muses, his face blank where they lay on their backs in the pool.

His one arm is under her neck and resting her head on his chest she tilts it up to look at him.

"Sometimes?" She giggles and she can see a shy smile tugging at his lips.

He should smile more, for so many reasons. He should smile more because he would feel better she'd think but mostly because there was nothing so astonishing as his blue eyes radiating nothing but light and joy when he did.

"Sure. Because sometimes you are the most pretty thing in the entire universe." He adds, as if she was stupid for not getting that from the start.

Her heart swells in that specific way only Ivar can cause it to swell and the heat inside her chest is so intense he must truly feel it.

He was good giving her compliments so covered in sugar even the smallest child would scream in horror of the exaggerated amount.

But it was his way; always too much or nothing at all. Black or white, good or bad.

"You haven't seen everyone in the universe, not even earth." She points out, painting lazy figures on his slowly heaving chest when he sighs.

"Why would I want to when you're right here?" She giggles and smiles in his absolute favorite way.

He rolls them over, his upper body held up by his one arm beside her head.

He never fully understood why she wanted him so bad. He could be exiting and fun for her sure, being so damned proper all the time.

But three years? Three years of knowing what he truly is?

"I will always be right here, Ivar." She whispers, running her fingers through his dark hair and she can feel the fine hairs on his neck rise in their wake.

"Don't promise things you can't keep." He frowns, his face pained and she attempts a comforting smile.

Outwardly Ivar is secure, sure of himself and the fucking king of the world; nothing could bring him down.. nothing but himself and now Line.

"I'll be the judge of that, not you with your crappy judgement. I wouldn't lend you my bike and feel safe." She teases and she earns a airy laugh before he leans down to kiss the tip of her nose; small freckles to be found when the sun had kissed her long enough.

"You don't have a bike." He whispers, planting soft and delicate open mouth kisses along her one cheekbone, down over her ear and back along her jaw.

"Because you broke it." She points out in a hushed moan; something that causes his entire body to stiffen.

His hands eager but skilled in holding himself at bay, roams her chest and the way he cups her small breasts through her shirt is making her heart pound its way out of her chest right into his. Where it truly belongs.

Once he'd told her his heart was broken and in a sheepish moment she told him he could have hers; because hers would break if his didn't heal.

He'd cried for two hours. He'd screamed and shouted in a fit of such pain it had scared the shit out of her.

Causing her pain was the only thing he feared more than his own.

"Ivar." She holds his hand back and the heavy sigh fanning her face cause her to roll her eyes; faking that she's so strong and can resist him without maximum effort.

"You and your stupid ring." He groans and she swats the back of his head playfully. "Do I really need to put another ring on that finger to touch you?" He looks puzzled as he always did when he actually stopped and thought about that she so strongly held onto her beliefs.

"I'm afraid so." If he only knew how close he was each time having her break that promise seemingly stupid even to her when his hands so curiously tried to discover her mysterious body.

"Fine then." His one hand disappears in the pocket of his jeans and brings back a circular bubblegum box of blue plastic. It looks old and the sticker on it is chipped and the colors faded.

"What is that?" Her brows knit together when she stares at the little box between his fingers and he shakes it; something creating a sound from inside.

"Apparently my ticket to touch you, silly girl." He smirks, nodding for her to take the box and hesitantly she does.

Inside there's a ring. Simple, probably too big for her fingers and covered in the sweet and sticky scent of bubblegum although the box is old.

"I will go back to work soon and then I'll buy you a nicer one." Now he looks worried when she lay on her back underneath him with the ring in front of her eyes. She studies it as if it was an alien item unknown to her.

"Are you serious?" Her hair is like a golden halo around her head and the dim lights still hanging on to the world drains it from light. She looks like the fallen angel she is to him.

"No I was only joking. I was thinking about giving it to the girl next door because you know, her boobs looks great and I'd bet she let me touch her-" he rants, taking the ring from between her fingers and attempts rolling off of her.

"No!" She laughs, catching his hand between hers and she pulls him back up. A soft kiss is placed on his knuckles and he knows what love is when she looks at him then.

"Yes, she does have nice boobs." He mocks and she rolls her eyes.

"If you're giving me a ring I don't like you to talk about other girls boobs." She pouts playfully and his smile is back.

"Well you haven't let me see yours properly so I can hardly talk about them." His whisper close to her ear sends a familiar shiver through her and it curls up like a hot little knot in her abdomen.

"Like you said, the ring changes that; doesn't it?" Her voice is almost useless when she can feel his hand move from her hip up her side, her shirt getting stuck on his wrist and follows his hand up.

His skin is warm on hers and when his thumb feathers over her nipple her back arches and she gasps.

"You have to tell your mother about the ring you know." He reminds her before taking her earlobe between his lips, sucking gently.

"I will have to tell a lot of people but I don't care." She turns her head, her lips finding his and they stop caring together for a second.

His hand moves down her thigh, squeezing it through her jeans before it dips down its inside and force it apart from the other.

"I know you deserve to be fucked properly." He groans to her neck when he palms her sex through her jeans; causing her to buck into his touch. "But I will do my best." He bites down her skin and she couldn't care less he would never be able to be inside of her.

She lift her hips when he unbutton her jeans and pull them down just enough for him to dip his fingers in under her panties.

She gasps hushed, holding onto him for dear life where his mouth feasts on her breasts and his one finger parts her folds to discover the secret wetness.

One finger didn't hurt because god knows she had done that herself thinking about him when she was alone. She had imagined his fingers curl inside and slowly pump her all the way to his stupid idea of heaven.

The second finger was pure bliss stretching her walls and when he moved his face to between her legs she was ready to explode of sensations right on his wicked tongue.

Her fingers tugged at his hair, sometimes pressing him even closer when his tongue dipped inside her warmth so that her eyes rolled back and she saw stars not of this world.

Her release was nothing like the one she had brought upon herself so many times, Ivar constantly in mind. The one he brought her she realizes she'd been waiting for, for three years.

She didn't care the entire neighborhood probably heard her scream his name and the vibration his moans sent though her sex was enough to have her blank for a second.

"I love you, do you remember that?" He mumbles almost asleep when her head is back on his chest and she's hiding inside his large hoodie. She can't stop thinking about that he must be cold in just his t-shirt but his skin so burning and soft against her through the fabric she can't find it in her to move.

"I do." She assures him, planting a tired kiss randomly on his chest. It's easy to say this would be her favorite memory of him but also the one that would cause her the most pain.

_____

The photo of him smiling so wide she could see his white teeth straight and glistening is her favorite.

He stands with his older brother and she had stolen it from his drawer the first year of dating.

She can't stop staring at it when sitting like a ball under the covers in her bed.

His mother had called her and the tears in her voice matched the ones running down her cheeks perfectly.

"He did it. Oh Line he did it my poor boy!" She had cried in the phone and after that she don't remember much more.

It had ended so quickly and she find herself thinking that she really thought she could've saved him.

Every smile, every time he called her just so he wouldn't have to be alone in his torment she thought he really wanted to make it.

But it had gotten too much, hadn't it? It must have because he's not here anymore.

The silent tears like soft rain makes her face red and puffy.

She hates him for leaving her and she hates him for giving up just like that, without a word.

He had told his mother about the ring and he promised her to hold her hand when she told her own. But they never got that far.. because he gave up.

It's hard for her to wrap her head around how he could do that to her. Give her that ring with his promise and then leave her.

Since the day they met he'd been so keen to have her around, to show her his world and she whines silently when she thinks of the way he promised her heaven like she never heard of it before. He'd promise her to be a god, to be loved and to be with him for the rest of her life.

But he went to be that young God without her. He's up there watching everyone he knew run around in sadness and grief.

He left her down here and not until know, when he's finally gone she starts to think that he actually succeeded bringing her down to his world. Becaus this pain, could one truly live with it?

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