#current day portia is holding so much of past portia in her it breaks my heart | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

guhzoontight · 4 years

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The Arcana - The Full’s New Moon Book One: The Magician

My gaze shifts focus to the opening of the large elegant doors of the ballroom as Asra slides himself in as inconspicuously as he can. I feel the twist of my partner's body, as she grips my one hand tightly and glides her other hand down my back into a quick dip. Asra catches me stealing a glance at him, a cock to my brow as the music reals me back to Nahara’s attention. With one smooth motion, she brings me back on my feet and I pull myself closer to her. Letting the rhythm of the music guide our steps. A curious look in her eyes as she spots Asra as well, taking a seat with her other sisters who are indulged in conversations. “Nahara,” I almost whisper to her. “Would you let me be selfish for the rest of this dance?” I slide into the lead, grazing my hand along Nahara’s arm.

“You had wished this practice to be with him?” I swallow to hold my composure with her question but can feel the embarrassment on my face. Nahara lets out a soft chuckle. “Well, I guess we must show what happens when you show up late to the summons of the Countess.” She quickly turns my body in a spin, stopping me to face Asra. Quickly pulling his attention from what looks like a talk with the other sisters. My face flushes but for a moment as I feel Nahara’s head tilt into the side of mine, her hand sliding across my shoulder and finding rest on my collar bone. “Let’s show him what he missed out on.” Her voice quiet in my ear. I slide my own hand over Nahara’s and shift my look onto Asra. With a small mischievous smile and satisfaction in my eyes, I let my body shift into the dancing motions with Nahara. The music picks up speed as I notice the rest of the sisters drawing their attention towards us now. Our movement becoming more fluid with each twirl, lift, and step. Though I had wanted to spend this dance practice with Asra, it was fun playing this game with Nahara. Exchanging smiles and winks, enjoying a little satisfaction when I would see Asra’s face lit up in deep shades of red. As the end of our dance was drawing near, Nahara pulled me in close. “Follow my lead, and trust me.” I softly nod my head as she leads me to stand side by side with her. Extending out her hand, I place mine in hers. Sneaking one last glance at Asra. The red extending up to his ears as he covers his mouth and tip of his nose with one hand. Beyond teasing him for sleeping in longer than he should have, I also feel the need to impress him in this moment. I wasn’t the most graceful dancer during the masquerade last year, so for Nadia and Portia wedding, I really wanted to give Asra a dancing partner to be proud of. I let my body be pulled into hers as she scoops me up with both hands on one side of my waist. Twisting my body up along one side of her shoulders, tucking her head down some as she lets me roll across her upper back. Quickly reaching one hand out to catch me on the other side. Only to pull me back in at the waist with both hands, lowering just short of the ground. My one arm still stretched across the back of her neck as she spins once with me in her arms, my legs arched out as not to hit the ground. At the end of her spin, I feel the shift of her body as she lets me gracefully place my feet on the ground, a step at a time. I take only but a split second to breathe as she leads me to twirl around in her arms as she steps along to the side to guide me into a slow dip. I let my head fall gracefully as I close my eyes. The song is right at the end as she pulls me in. Arching my back, I bring my head forward and open my eyes to find my face just inches in front of Nahara’s. She shares a quick smile to me as we step away from each other. The sounds of claps and cheers erupt from the table of sisters. “Nahara and Caragh that was most impressive!” Nasmira standing with her hands clasped tightly together. Navra quickly runs over to me and grabs my hands. “Oh Caragh we must dance at the wedding together!” I giggle softly at her enthusiasm as I notice Asra making his way over. “As long as I get the first dance.” Asra meets me with the soft gentle hazy eyes and smile that always seem to pull me into his touch. But Nahara steps in beside me and looks at Asra. “You can’t have the first dance if you're not there for it.” While stern with her statement, there is a touch of playfulness to her tone. Asra stops himself as his expression changes to that of a guilty one. “It may not be your wedding day, but it will be my sisters. So while you may be a precious friend to her, try not to be late for it.” Winking at Asra and giving him a small shoulder nudge as she walks past us to go have a set with the other sisters. Navra ushers my hands into Asra’s, leaning her body towards him with a wink. “Now let’s go help make my sister’s wedding one no one shall forget.” Just as I go to follow Navra, Asra stops me with a gentle kiss to my forehead. “You were breathtaking to watch. I hadn’t realized your dancing skills improved so much.” Now, leading me over towards the table with the sisters, he glances down at me. “You were beaming with such confidence, I honestly didn’t know how to handle it.” His sweet words tingle down my spine, and would normally send me into a moment of weakness. Yearning for more. But not this time, for once I was victorious at making him squirm, even if it was just a little. And I wasn’t about to tell him that Nahara had been teaching me how to dance for months now after the announcement of Nadia and Portia’s wedding. Confounding in her of my insecurities of the two left feet I had, and wanting to impress Asra. She was reluctant at first, while the notation was sweet, she didn’t want me to only be doing it for Asra. It wasn’t until I realized that I wanted to do it for myself as well that she took me up on the offer. Telling me, “It’s alright to want to impress the one you love. But the light you shine when realize you have gone beyond your own expectations... It is a brilliant beautiful glow that anyone who truly loves you would want to witness.” Those words repeating themselves in my mind as we took a seat with the others. Feeling a little bad now for making him squirm if what Nahara had told me held any true possibilities to it. We all indulged into conversations as we waited for Nadia. Discussing the plans for the wedding that was only days away at this point. Everyone had their roles that were finally piecing together after months of rigorous planning. Asra and I helping out so much, that we were thankful when his parents said that they would look after the shop for us in our absence. While Nadia was very accommodating to every need of ours and spared no expense to give us things even beyond our needs. Many nights I missed the feeling of tucking myself under the familiar smelling sheets of Asra and I’s bed in the shop. The scent of incense and herbs, the scent of home. Waking in the morning to make two pots of tea, Lapsang souchong for Asra and Bleu mint for myself. I thought of how Asra would reach out for my waist as I tried to get him up each morning. Only to give in to that sweet smile of his as his head would find rest in the crevice of my lap. Now, most of our mornings were filled with a number of duties planned out mostly by Natiqa. Asra and I were in charge of creating the perfect magically setting. Even bringing on other local magicians to help set up preparations under our guide. All of our conversations are brought to a pause as Nadia and Portia enter the room, currently caught in a small fit of laughter between each other before turning their attention to us. “I do hope you were not all waiting too long for us.” While Nadia holds up to her standards of a Countess, most of us exchange looks as we hear the underlying mischievous tone that hints that she may not be too concerned about us having to wait a little. That and Portia turns her eyes elsewhere with a smile. She might have once been the keeper of secrets in the Palace, but with her wedding day approaching, it seems to be a little harder to keep those secrets to herself. “We made sufficient use of our time.” Nahara glances over at me for a moment. “And now tying up any loose ends left.” “Speaking of!” Navra gets up from her seat, heading towards Portia. “Portia I need you to come with me to the kitchens. The cooks have a few questions for you, and concerns in regards to Mazelinka. Something about threats with a wooden spoon.” Navra and Portia’s conversation break off as they head to the kitchens. Nadia takes a seat at the end of the table, facing us all in her natural poised state. I find myself straighten my posture in my seat. Sitting amongst princesses and a Countess was still pretty intimidating. Despite becoming so close with them all in these past few months. I feel Asra’s hand find rest on my thigh that brings a little relief. He must have noticed my fidgeting and passes me a reassuring smile. “So what is left that needs attending to? Do I need to hire any more help for the preparations?” “I think it’s best that you and Portia dismiss yourselves from whatever may be left.” Nafizah speaks up, intense with her words as she normally is. But she is right and most of us agree in the statement. With only days left before the wedding, Nadia and Portia shouldn’t be worrying about anything and focusing on themselves. Nadia, of course, is taken back a little from her sister’s blunt statement. “Nafizah I want to make sure this day is absolutely perfect. While I normally do not care for such extravagant parties, I find myself wanting to share to the world the love I feel for Portia.” Nadia blushing at her own words as they leave her lips. I feel Asra’s hand tighten slightly over my thigh, drawing my attention to him. But his gaze is focused on Nadia with a warm smile, probably filled with happiness for his close friend to find such a joy in this world after having to deal with Lucio. I can’t help but share her sentiment as I place my own hand on top of Asra’s. “And well, this is bigger than the Masquerade, not only for that reason. But as you all know, royals from all over have found that such a wedding deserves to have their attention. With our city on the rise again, many have started to return to us for means of trade and wisdom. I wish to show that this city has truly risen from the crumbling mess it once was.” “Nadia you can leave it to us to handle.” Leaving the touch of Asra behind as I adjust myself with my hands laying on top of each other on the table. For a moment mimicking something I feel I saw once before. “Nafizah is right, you and Portia should be only thinking and focusing on each other. You don’t need to worry about impressing anyone else. Once they see the love you and Portia share. They’ll understand and truly see what this city has become and recognize the two brilliant lights that have guided us all there.” “Well said Caragh.” Nahara expresses with a smile and nod in my direction. Nadia looks at me wide-eyed, lips parted slightly without a word to say. “Nadia,” Asra tilts his head with a finger pressed gently to his cheek, the other fingers curled under his chin, ��As long as I’ve known you, you have only ever wanted to treat those you care about with every pleasantry and luxury you had to offer. Now is our turn to return the favor for you and Portia. We want to do this for both of you.” All of our attention now focused on Nadia. “I doubt any of you will let me protest this idea of yours?” Nadia finally speaks up with a knowing smile and a gentle flush to her face. “Afraid not.” Nazali chimes in as Portia and Navra return from the kitchens. “Now run off you two and enjoy yourselves, relax. Doctor’s orders.” With a wink at Nadia, Nazali is the first to stand and head off with Nafizah. The rest of us follow suit as we break out into our respected job duties. Portia looking around with what looks to be a thousand questions racing through her mind. “Wait, what. Nadia I thought we were going to-” Nadia gingerly presses one finger to Portia’s lips. “We’re on strict orders from the bridal party to enjoy ourselves for these next few days.” You can see the excitement in Portia’s eyes at the thought of not having to put in any more work. “Care to join me on a ride with the horses?” “Care for that to be a race m' lady?” While Portia was no longer Nadia’s personal handmaiden, that didn’t stop her from calling her that in a slightly teasing manner from time to time. Taking each other’s hand they raced off to the stables. Watching their interactions was always enjoyable to me. I don’t remember what Nadia’s marriage was like with Lucio. But from what she had told me a few times in conversation, and from the gossip of the city folks. Nadia has never looked happier than she does when she is around Portia. I feel a giddy laugh as I watch them take a corner out of the ballroom a little too hard and almost trip over each other. Until I hear scratching and a small scuffle in the back of my mind that quickly takes my attention. Looking around the large ballroom for the source and only seeing some of the other sisters talking amongst themselves, a few servants running around, and Asra who is speaking with Natiqa. The sound turns into a voice that quietly echoes, “Ouch!” in my ear. But still, there is nothing near that would make such a sound, until I catch a quick movement from the corner of my eye. High up in one of the corners of the ballroom near the ceiling, I swear for a moment I see small legs crawl behind a hole that I hadn’t noticed before. A sting in my head shakes me for a moment as I feel my hand reacting institutionally to a pain I hadn’t felt for a while. “Caragh?” The hand on my shoulder snaps me back to the moment. I look back up to the corner where I saw the legs, and the hole the person had crawled behind is gone. “Caragh?” Asra steps in front of me to focus my attention on him. “Caragh are you alright?” Concern reflects in his face and I quickly react. “Yes, of course. Sorry, I was just spacing out, maybe I’m a bit more burned out then I realized.” I lie. I just lied to Asra, or well didn’t tell him the full truth. It’s true I was feeling burnt out by all of this, but I can’t recall the last time I so easily avoided telling Asra something. It scares me a little until I talk myself down. I have to be burnt out if I’m seeing things. Asra seems convinced for now from my quick response. Interlacing his fingers with mine. “Well, let’s go make sure our ends are tied up. Then maybe we can retire early for the evening.” Bringing his lips close to my ears in a quiet whisper. “Then maybe I can help rejuvenate your tired spirit, hmmmm?” His warm breath tickles my neck, my face tingles at the thought. Twisting my head to meet his lips I nip at them with my teeth and pull away. “Is that a promise?” I tease him back with a tender flutter of my eyes. “I don’t recall romantic advances being on that list I gave you Asra!” Natiqa shouts from across the hall. Both Asra and I caught in a moment of embarrassment that breaks out into laughter. Walking off to the gardens to finish our preparations for the wedding.

Outside in the gardens, the florists are setting up the last of the hanging flowers in the trees. With a mix of magic and proper gardening, the ceremony area had transformed into a magical wonderland. Quickly becoming a place I felt a bit of pride in. After the events of last year, Asra and his parents agreed to teach me more in the ways of the Arcana. While Asra had always seemed to be confident in my abilities, I had felt like he had finally let go of his worried tied to it. We had even shared in some teasing magically fights between each other. So when presented with some otherworldly tasks for the wedding, I almost jumped at the chance to put some more complicated magic to use. The design seemed a bit complicated at first. It was a mix of ideas from the brides themselves, but some secret suggestions are thrown in there by some of the sisters. Of course, ones that we all agreed that they would both enjoy, as not to sour their own wishes. They had chosen a spot in the gardens where a number of willow trees hung just enough to hug the area in its branches. The hanging foliage was twisted with a number of colored flowers and small hanging lantern not yet lit. The seats had been arranged in rows that are connected to form an oval shape on its side, curved in on one side closest to the stone steps that led to where Nadia and Portia were to be married. A large ring of twisted dry branches are wrapped in a number of flowers, mixes of pinks, violets, and whites scattered throughout. Becoming a full collection of leaves that seemed to naturally lay on the stone, making their way down into the grass below.

I sat against the tree in the opposing end of the ceremony. Listening to Asra scratch in the last details of the glyphs to the tree, as I finished painting my own glyphs on the bottom of the shoes that Nadia and Portia were to wear that day. Occasionally one of our magicians' help would rush up to us with a question or two. “Asra?” I tilt my head back along the tree, catching him intensively scratching away in small motions, a slight bite to his lip as he leans in closer to his work. He only responses with a quick hum in his throat. “Were you at Nadia’s first wedding with the Count?” Asra gently blows on the mark and briskly wipes at any leftover residue. Giving the glyph one last look over. “No, I was still a mask seller and future teller in the market around that time.” His eyes narrow with cold stare out into the void of space before him. “But knowing Lucio, he probably made the day all about himself instead of the two of them together.” His expression lightens when he glances down at me and the work in my hands. “And knowing Nadia now, I know she deserves the best and I think that is just what she found.”

I finish up the last line of my glyph and it sets off a soft glow before diminishing. Holding the shoe in my hand for a moment, “Was I there?” The question leaves me easier than I thought, if I even spent a moment to think about it that is. If Asra and I had known each other for almost a decade, then surely I was here around that time. I stand with the pairs of shoes interlace in my fingers, not really taken aback by Asra’s silence. Prior to finding out that I had died, Asra always trend so carefully to anything connecting to my past. I catch a glance back at Asra as I walk away towards the fountain nearby, wearing that same expression whenever something like this is brought up. Finding myself sighing that he still hasn’t said a word and is just quietly following behind me. I bend down to the lip of the fountain and place the pair of shoes gently on top of the water. The glyphs activating and glowing as I let the shoes stand on their own on top of the water. A gentle flow of air pushing out the water from around the shoes. “I- I don’t think you were.” An answer, an honest answer. I can hear it in his tone, warming a small spot in my chest as I clench the area with a smile. “I don’t think you met Nadia until after her marriage.” Almost forgetting about the shoes, I place a kiss on his cheek. I don’t know if I could express just how much that meant to me. “Miss Caragh!” A petite woman comes running over to us from the garden area, Pepi cradled in her arms and Chandra flying alongside her. Her checks matching the color of the tips of her hair as she takes a moment to breathe once she reaches us. “Miss Caragh I’m sorry! I was trying to get the collar to stay on Pepi, but she kept insisting that it was a new toy for her to play with. Chandra understood well enough, but I fear Pepi may end up losing Nadia’s ring!” I pick up Pepi from her hands and hold the cat up from under her forelegs as she lets out a friendly meow at me. “Of course it’s a problem if the shiny rock is lost Pepi!” I make eye contact with Asra as we both hold back small giggles. Daphi was a magician helping us out who had a thing for being able to understand and talk to animals. Asra had told me it was more of a spiritual magic that deals with connecting with nature. “How about using a cloaking spell on the collar until Pepi gets up to Portia during the ceremony?” Asra suggest as he reaches his hand under Pepi’s neck to give her a few scratches. I can feel the vibrations of her purrs as I give into pulling her to my chest for some much-needed pets. “Of course! Asra that is a brilliant idea! I see why they have you two as the lead magicians! Thank you thank you!” Daphi scoops Pepi back into her hands and rushes off in the direction she came, Chandra following shortly after from high above almost blending into the colors of the sunset. “We should probably check on the rest of the help, make sure they are wrapping up by now.” Stretching my arms up in an arching motion as a loud yawn escapes turning into a satisfied hum. “Miss Caragh you aren’t trying to rush their work now are you?” Asra tries to pass off a tease at me, only to catch himself on the yawn I infected him with. Exiting the fountain area, most of the other magician have left. Leaving behind the beautiful fruits of their labor. Two others are turning to leave with their supplies bundled in their arms, only to stop and wave goodbye to us as they continue on. The sunset’s glow is casting its colors on the stone platform, causing the color of the flowers to change in a fluid motion. I know it isn’t any magic causing them to flutter in hues. But the moment still takes my breath away as I imagine Nadia and Portia standing up there, hands interlocked tighter than they ever have. My feet move on their own as I walk up to the platform, letting my hands brush over the flowers and capture their scent in the calm breeze. I twirl around slowly feeling my heart pull towards Asra in the moment. He meets my pace and comes to stand next to me, offering out his hand. “I’m sorry for missing our dance early, may I have this moment to make up for it?” His words are so gentle that I’m scared I may shatter them if I dare speak. I reply with an affections smile as I take his. Both of us pulling in and finding rest on the other’s shoulder. My arms relaxed around his neck as he finds rest with his on my lower back. Swaying gently with the movements of the willow trees. Reeling myself back a little, aligning my face with his. I start humming a soft tune, our feet treading gently on top of the stone platform. I can’t hear the song in my head, but the hum almost comes out naturally with a nostalgic feeling. But my lips are sealed as Asra surprises me with a kiss, hovering over them a little longer after breaking off. Our heavy-lidded eyes only on each other, pulling me in closer for one more kiss. “Caragh, I love you.” My eyes blur but for a moment as a few tears escape down my cheeks. Tasting the saltiness of them as I smile. “I love you too Asra.” Asra lets go of me, his face turning bright red as if he had never heard me say those words to him. He turns his body and reaches into his bag when panic quickly hits me. “Oh no the shoes!” I rush off down the platform and back to the fountain. “Caragh wait!” Asra quickly catches up to me as relief rushes over me to see the pairs of shoes still floating above the water. I break into a laugh, Asra just shaking his head with a smile. “Well at least I know they’ll work.” I lift the shoes off the water and the glow of the glyphs fade. A swirl of magic still rippling the water from where I put the shoes down at. Satisfied with my work, I make sure to tuck them away into my own bag. Hissss A splash of water comes from the fountain as I find Asra kneeling down over it. Staring wide-eyed at the water, a few droplets going down his face. I wipe them away with a piece of my hood. “What was that?” “The fountain must have been reacting to your magic. I was just dispelling it before we left. Don’t need any passerbyers to stumble into a magical realm.” “I’d have to agree. If a guest at Nadia’s wedding were to end up in another realm. I don’t think she’d be too pleased with us.” Extending my left hand out to Asra, he looks at it for a moment. “Come on, you have a promise to keep, remember?” A kiss to my hand brings back the smile I know and love. “Of course.” Taking my hand and leading me over to the tree where he craved my name into so long ago. Embracing me with a kiss, he pulls us through one of the portals to inside the palace. I catch a glimpse of a small creature on the side of the fountain before falling through the rush of magic with Asra.

With heavy lids, my eyes rise slowly capturing the low light peeking out from the curtains in our room. In a sleepy hazy I had forgotten Nadia had us switch rooms for these next few days, a room located in Lucio’s old wing. While his old room is now used for storage, the other bedrooms in the wing were still undesirable by most. The servants had done a fine job of bringing some life back to the wing, but for many the shadow, it cast for years still lingered in the far corners of people's minds. So when asked to move to the wing, Asra and I can’t say that we didn’t feel some hesitation about the idea. Lucio was no longer a problem, but we hadn’t stepped foot into the wing since the night of the masquerade a little over a year ago. Despite our feelings, we knew it was for the best, as today a number of royals would come from all over to stay the night for the wedding tomorrow. So keeping them away from the wing felt to be the right thing to do. Even Nadia’s sisters moved to this wing to help accommodate for the extra space needed.

Above all else, I was certainly glad to have Asra with me in the room. Our blankets and pillows sprawled out in a scattered mess, just like home. Asra’s face tucked closely to mine as he laid on his stomach. One arm reaching up to around his head, fingers interlaced in my hair. The other tucked under his cheek. Faust is quietly curled further up the pillow, both of them breathing gently almost in unisonant. I take in the sight and quietness of their sleep, gently brushing my fingers through Asra’s soft hair. After months of wake up calls from a number of the sisters, I settled myself back into the comfort of sleep and relaxation. Today we had no obligations, no errands to run or people to see. Nadia and Portia would be having dinner later with all of the royal guests, which Asra and I were pleased we didn’t have to be a part of. Sure my curiosity of a dinner with people of such standing was roused, but the formalities of the situation were enough to damper that feeling. So snuggling a little longer with these two was something I wholeheartedly planned to take advantage of, but of course, I was restless. On the one day where I could lazily spend my time in bed with Asra, my body couldn’t bring itself back to rest. After trying until the sun was finally awake itself, I gave into defeat with a deep sigh. Gingerly I shuffled my way out of the bed, freezing once I felt Asra move one of his legs shift towards mine. “Asra?” I whisper softly, trying to test the waters to see if he was truly awake. After a moment of silence, I continued my slow departure from the bed. My feet finding the carpeted ground and I shiver a little, no longer encased in the warmth of the bed and body heat of Asra. I quickly search for my palace attire, a slight chatter to my teeth from standing disrobed. Friend? I catch Faust’s head as I pull over my dress. “Yes, Faust,” still keeping my voice to a hushed whisper. “Would you like to come with me?” She answers my question without a word and makes her way over to me. Extending my hand down to slither her way up. “Asra can join us on our adventure when he’s ready. In the meantime, shall we have our own adventure?” Faust just rubs the top of her head along my jawline, and I take it as a yes. Closing the door as softly as I could, I catch a glimpse of the back of Nafizah as she rounds a corner.

Most of the sisters are likely awake by now.

Walking aimlessly, I try to think of what I could do to pass the time, or if there is something I should try to do before the wedding. “You know Faust, we should probably check on the shop and Asra’s parents. Or see how Muriel and Inanna are doing. A break into a more simplistic atmosphere sounds pretty appealing.” A loud rustle of papers and a chair screeching around catches Faust and I’s attention as we pass the Library. Squeeze! I’ve picked up enough from Faust in this past year, well enough to know why she would be saying that. Peering around the door that is slightly ajar, I spot Julian hastily pacing around his old desk in the library. Muttering curses as he throws a crumpled piece of paper to the ground. Before I can do anything, I feel a cold brush over my shoulders as I notice the absence of Faust. Looking around quickly, I spot her all too late. “Gaah!” Julian stumbles over himself, thankfully into one of the cushioned chairs. “Ah no get off-!” “Faust!” I hurry over to Julian, uncurling Faust easily as she wasn’t really even squeezing him. “Sorry, Julian. I think she was just trying to help.” Lifting Faust back onto me, she nestles her way around me. Julian dramatically brushes her hair back to lay over one side of his face. “Strangling me to death isn’t going to help me with my predicament, at least not this time.” I throw him a side glance and he immediately picks up on what I’m saying as his signature grin comes out. While Julian has grown a lot, leaving much of his pointless self sacrificing gestures in the past, he is still dramatic as ever. “Well then Julian,” I take a seat across from him and play into his dramatic demeanor. “Then what is your predicament?” I pick up one of the books laid out on the table and mindless start flipping through it, awaiting his response. Slumping into the chair, his expression shifts to an uneasy one and I start to realize just how stressed he is about whatever this is. “Julian,” I put the book down and situate myself in the chair next to his. Pulling it a little closer to him, resting my chin on my interlaced fingers. “You know you can talk to me.” It was true, after learning I was his apprentice and going through the hardships of the events from last year. I was trying to open myself up to others, expanding my own little world. Though I would be lying if I said I didn’t just enjoy his friendship as a whole.

“I know…” Red creeping along his nose, spreading to his cheeks. Only to then have a twinkle in his eye as he grabs a hold of my attention. “I could tell you the tales of my many adventures out at sea!” He stands in his chair, one leg propped up on the armchair with a hand placed on his forehead as if looking out to the sea itself. “Or-” Hoping down he swirls into a tall coat stand, holding on and dipping it down, bringing his face close. “How I spent a night with the most beautiful Prince of the eastern lands.” He places the stand back and bows to it. I can't help but let out a genuine laugh at the site as he continues over to a large stack of books. “Then there was that time when I brought a wealth of medical knowledge to a land ignorant of such ideas, bettering the lives of many with my practices!” A large grin explodes from his face and he looks over to me, but it all too quickly fades and his eyes distance themselves from mine. Finding rest back into the chair beside me sluggishly. “But here I am, the day before my sister’s wedding and I can’t find the words to say. Pasha, she’s been more than I could have asked for in a sister. Even after all those years of not seeing her, she stood by me through everything that has happened despite how grim. I just want to express to her how much I love her, and how much joy it brings me seeing her and Nadia happy together.” I can feel Julian’s genuine happiness in his words, the stress of the situation washing away for a moment.

“You know Julian, I feel like you are going about this all wrong.” Getting up, I grab one of the papers he had crumpled up and tossed aside. Unwinding it and laying it out on the table. Picking up his quill with my left hand I begin writing on it. I hear Julian lift from his chair, his presence them behind me as he curiously looks in.

“I didn’t realize you were ambidextrous.” I stop writing for a moment.

“Ambi what?”

“Ambidextrous. It’s where you can write with your left and right hand.”

“Alright,” a little confused by the statement, I try to bring the conversation back around. “So, you spend all this time writing this impressive piece!” I hold of the paper for a moment to Julian, not letting him see what I wrote down and stand a few paces back. “You go to read the said statement.” Clearing my throat, I hold the paper to align with my eyes. “Portia, my darling sister.” As I read off my own version of what Julian just said in the most monotone voice I can muster, finishing, I should Julian the best expressionless face I can make.

“So I should just repeat what you just said?” Confusing in his voice, I huff a little but understand maybe I wasn’t making my motivates clear. I put the paper down and rest my hand on his forearm, clearing the frustration with a sympathetic smile.

“Julian, what I am trying to say is you don’t need the letter. The letter would just make you sound dull. You’ve always expressed yourself the best while in the moment. So when the time comes.” I hold onto his other arm and close my eyes. “You focus only on Portia and the feelings inside of you in that very moment.”

Hurry! Hide, he’s coming!

My eyes jut open, hands tightly digging into Julian’s arms.

“Uhhh Caragh. Not that I don’t enjoy this but-“ Clicks of boots echoing into the library from the halls catch me in a moment of panic. Still holding my grip on Julian, I pull us behind some of the bookshelves. Pressing him with one hand against the shelves, I pear just over a stack of books out into the open room. Two figures enter the room. One, shorter than the other is dressed in a long white robe of sorts. Buttons going from the collar to only inches from the bottom. The sleeves are long as he holds a small book in his wrinkled hands. A long scarf drapes over his shoulder to the front, a deep red covers in gold embroidery. I can’t tell the designs on them, but a large gold cross hangs from his neck, his cheeks puffed and dusted in red as he brushes the only sections of his hair that lay on the side of his head.

“I believe this is the room the Countess had said would be what we are looking for.” He walks over to the desk where Julian’s notes laid, lifting them up as if they were covered in something foul. The other figure looks up to the ceilings on the other side of the room and I’m not able to catch a glimpse of his face. They are dressed similarly in color style, but I can only see their long white high collar cloak trimmed in similar gold designs with a gold cross in the center.

“To think such places still exist without a holy sanctum for worship.” I feel Julian bend down beside me, with my eye trying to get a better look at the figure.

“Why are we hiding?” His whisper is rough and loud in my ear. I turn to him, a wrinkle in my nose and a finger placed on my lips. In this moment, sharing with him that I heard a voice in my head, probably wouldn’t be for the best. I notation my heads further down the rows. Trying to recall where the glyph was to get out of here.

“Let us pray Matthew. This place could use a healing hand from the almighty.” Their word choices are foreign to me, and I assume they are guests of the wedding. Julian and I took every precaution to not make our presence known. Soon their words turn to a mixture of hums and chants. A heavyweight pulls at my chest, Julian tugs me from my stagnant position and places my hand on a wall. I feel the pull of Asra’s magic as if his own fingers were lacing into mine. Glowing faintly, I respond to the magic and pull Julian through with me, stumbling into the gardens outside. The sun beaming directly overhead of us.

“Sorry Julian.” Turning to him, feeling the heavy strain lift from his chest. “To be honest, I couldn’t tell you why I hid us.” The whole situation struck a chord in me and I felt like I was going off pure instinct. “Would you think I was crazy if I told you a little voice in my head said to?” Though it’s not as crazy as it sounds, given I was hearing Lucio’s voice before. But this was different, it was a young girl’s voice that seemed all too familiar to me. The concern on my face must have been showing through as Julian nudged me.

“Crazy would be fighting the Devil and living to tell the tale.” A smile finds rest on my face with his light-hearted words, looking around the gardens for anyone close.

“I would be lying if I wasn't also just trying to avoid any unnecessary formal meetings. I’m trying to save my energy for tomorrow. Also, sorry for pulling you away, I should probably go see if Asra is awake…” A moment of panic sets in. Faust is missing. My heart races, I must have left her behind in my commotion. Bracing myself against the tree I try to go back, but only met with the smell of bark and moss. Using the momentum, I push off the tree into a sprint back toward the Palace. “Caragh!” Julian quickly matching my pace.

Friend! Squeeze!

My feet dig into the grounds as I come to a halt, Julian stumbling into me, trying to find his balance to not send me face-first into the dirt. Tilting my head up to Faust’s voice, I have to shield my eyes as the sun reflects off of the pearlescent hair. Asra leaning over the railing, his head resting in his hands with a devious smile. Relief and a chuckle emerge as Julian lets go of my arms. “Asra! Faust!” I shout with glee seeing Faust safe with Asra. “One moment, I’ll be down.” He turns past the point of view from the balcony. “Well Caragh, I very much appreciate the little adventure, but I should go get ready for dinner tonight. Thank you, truly. I think I understand what you were saying back there. But,” Appreciation drops into that of concern. “Are you alright? For a moment back there you were, well whispering along with them and then just stopped moving.” “I was just trying to find that glyph, I figured taking a moment to feel for Asra’s aura would help.” Adding a hint of laughter to my words to ease the tension of the question, and to hide my own concerns as I didn’t recall whispering anything of the sorts. “It’s like I told you, I was trying to avoid all those fancy formal meetings.” Julian doesn’t look convinced. “You didn’t answer my question.” His tone is a bit more serious than I’m used to.

“Faust tells me you two had yourselves a little adventure while I was away.” I hear Asra behind me, quickly I mouth some words to Julian.

Please don’t tell Asra.

I feel immediate distaste in my lips, a drop of disappointment in myself weighing on my heart. Twice now I’ve hidden things from him. While the first one I know was just a delusion in the moment, Asra and I had become so much more open with each other since I found out I died. My current actions only feel like steps backward, then I feel his arms wrap around my waist, his chin finding rest on my shoulder. The usual feeling of comfort from his touch finds no place in my uneasiness.

“Hello Ilya.” I can hear the smile in his word, while I give Julian one last look tucking my lips inward.

“Asra, good to see you, but as I was just telling Caragh here I really must go.” He graces us with a playful bow before stepping away. Asra unwinds himself from me.

“Ilya wait.” Pulling himself up to Julian’s ear, he whispers something I don’t catch. He slips out a sly smile when our eyes meet. Nodding to Asra, then continuing on his way.

“So,” Asra gestures me out of the gardens. “You really are trying to avoid people today aren’t you, even me?”

“Heh, and just what did Faust tell you?” I playfully rub under her chin, Asra laughs as we round the castle walls towards the gate.

“Well, using one of my portals to escape was quite the tale. If you wanted to avoid people that much, you could have just stayed in bed with me.” His playful eyes narrowing on me.

“Trust me, the want was there, however, I couldn’t ease back into sleep once I had woken up.” I can see Asra’s face starting to turn to concern, but I’m quick to diminish it. “I just wanted to check on the setup and ran into Julian on my way to the Ballroom. He was having some trouble thinking of what to say at tonight’s dinner.” “Ilya, having trouble thinking of a speech? I would think he would have had a dozen to ramble through.” We both chuckle lightly, passing through the large front gates. A carriage is waiting for us just outside, the coachman greeting us as we are escorted in. “Muriel should be at the shop by now. My parents wanted to have dinner with all of us before the wedding tomorrow.” Finding comfort in my seat beside Asra, I can vividly imagine the spread of food out on the small table in our cozy home. The aroma lingering long before and after the meal in the small space. Salim had cooked for us a few times before, and the thought of his dishes made my mouth water in anticipation. My stomach following up with a growl that Asra immediately acknowledges with a giggle. Our conversation continues as the horse trot along the stone roads, back to our home. Going over the events of tomorrow, the number of steps and tasks to complete that morning, along with the communication between the fellow magicians who are helping out under our lead. Asra tugs me close as we go on, I follow up by swinging my legs over his thighs. His hand finds rest on the small of my back as I shift my torso to him. Gesturing my hands as I tell him of the secret plan Daphi and I had been working on for the end of the ceremony. My body jostles forward into Asra as the horse come to a stop.

Home! Faust pokes out from between Asra and I in excitement.

Proceeding out of the carriage, the coachman let us know they will return tonight to bring us back to the palace. The evening air carries a slight chill, but my senses are warmed with the immediate sent that carries me to the front door, as I can already smell the dinner being prepared. Touching the door, I feel the effects of my homesickness leaving me with the familiar wood under my fingertips. The comfort of home along with the scent of the wonderful food wraps me up in its arms. I give into it and let myself be taken inside, following its trail. “Asra, Caragh? Is that you?” Aisha pokes her head from the back room, her smile rounding up, she comes out to greet us both with a warm embrace. “Your father won’t be much longer. Muriel is upstairs with Inanna. Asra, would you mind helping me set the table?” She tugs him along before Asra can even answer. Leaving me in the front room alone. I run my hand over the counter\top. Taking in the feeling of the glass, I step behind the counter. Appreciating the sight of all the little knick-knacks, herbs, ingredients, and all things magical that Asra had gathered over the years. Smiling when I see a few things we had gathered together just within this past year. There were few times anymore that Asra would not take me with him for trips outside Vesuvia. We hadn’t traveled too far yet, but Asra had promised me he would take me wherever I wanted to go. There was always one place that lingered in my thoughts when he would bring that up, but I honestly wasn’t even sure if Asra knew where that was. Lost in my thoughts, I find myself adjusting some placement of things out of habit, when a thud from above startles me. Forgetting that Muriel was upstairs, I search around for some dried meat and make my way up. Finding Muriel seated on the ground, Inanna spread out on her stomach close beside him. The warm rays of the sunset outlining them both in the moment of peaceful bonding. “Hello Muriel, Inanna.” Inanna is the first to see me, her tail wagging gently as Muriel brushes through her fur before speaking. “So, Asra is here now?” Muriel doesn’t break his connection with Inanna as I walk over to sit near them. Offering Inanna the treat I snagged for her. Out of everyone I have grown a connection with over this year, Muriel has always been hard for me to really connect with. Asra had taken him south shortly after the events of the year before, where he learned what happened to his family. Asra said it really changed Muriel for the good, and helped him open up to everyone. Except for me, or at least I felt that way. Muriel is Asra’s oldest and dearest friend. I often found myself feeling like I was taking Asra away from Muriel, whenever Muriel would decline doing things with us. I had recalled seeing him in dreams, where he would tell me how when Asra is with me, nothing else matters. Or how we would just vanish into our world together, just the two of us. I know they were just dreams, and while spending time with just Asra was wonderful, so was the time we spent with others. Both of us had opened our world up to so many others. I wanted Muriel to be a part of our world. However, those dreams still made me feel like Muriel still doesn’t fully accept me. It isn’t just for Asra sake that I wanted Muriel in our lives, but I also wanted Muriel to be my friend, and I his. I can see his soft heart, his kindness with other people, and the animals he looks after. He even risked his own life to protect Asra a number of times in the past, hurting himself in the process. “Yes, he is downstairs helping with dinner. Would you mind if I helped you brush her?” Muriel averts his gaze from mine and almost looks irritated with my request. “No…” Still not looking at me directly, his answer brings some hope as I quickly search the room for another brush. Placing myself near Inanna’s head, she nuzzles her way onto my lap as I brush her neck. Muriel taking care with her body. “Thank you.” I softly say, keeping my eyes on Inanna who is slowly drifting off in a sleepy haze. Muriel only responds with solid hmm. “You two will be seated with Asra and I tomorrow right?” Trying to pull some conversation with him as I let the comfort of the moment take me. “I suppose.” I stop brushing, making eye contact with Muriel for the first time since starting. “It would be wonderful to have you two with us.” Muriel seems a little taken back from my words, shifting his eyes away again as I notice a slight tint of red on his cheeks. “Muriel, Inanna, Caragh! Come on down!” Inanna is the first to stand, heading down before Muriel and I even have a moment to put the brushes down. Walking down and into the back room of the shop. They had made sure to set the fine fabrics that are normally covering it aside. I sit myself to the right of Asra, Inanna snuggling into my other side. The spread of food is a wonderful mix of things that are familiar, but thrown in are new dishes that I haven’t seen before. They had even thrown Asra’s favorite dish in as well, Blue-tongued skink. We all load our plates full to the rim, Muriel setting a special plate for Inanna. “Thank you for the meal Salim, Aisha. You’ve already done so much by watching the shop in our absence. We really owe you both after all of this.” Aisha smiles and shakes her head at me. “While we are glad you appreciate what we are doing, there is no need to repay us. You have already done so much for our son alone all these years. It’s the least we could do.” I feel Asra’s hand find rest on my thigh with a gentle squeeze. “Besides, you two have been busy helping with the biggest wedding the north has seen in a long time. And helping out some of your dearest friends, we’re proud of you both.” Gazing into the piece of food on my fork, I can’t help but smile at her words. Then, like a few drops of rain hitting my face just as a storm starts, I feel a trickle of an ache in my chest. Would my parents be proud of me? Raising my hand to take a bite into my food, the question still lingering in my mind, my elbow bumps with a decent force into Asra’s. Dropping my fork, I real back a little as I suck air in through my teeth. Rubbing my elbow in a quick reflex to the pain. “Sorry Asra, are you alright?” I’m only met with a blank stare from him as his own hand is on his elbow. I can’t read his expression at all, and I feel a little uneasy. “Asra?” My words don’t seem to make much of an impact in our conversation. He just looks at me, then to my left arm as I finish rubbing it, the pain fading just as quickly as it came. The others are still eating, just slower, likely just as confused as I am. “Why were you eating with your left hand?” His question makes me look down to the fork on the table, food still in its teeth. I didn’t know why I was, hadn’t I always? Though that’s never happened when Asra and I have eaten together before. “I uh, just wasn’t thinking I guess.” Picking up the fork in my right hand, I take a bite. But my movements with it feel janky. My hand is acting as if I had never used a fork to eat before. “Sorry again.” The words feel like a disappointment, had I done something wrong? “It’s alright, no harm done.” Asra throws me a quick cheeky smile, but it feels forced. I’m not sure why he was so concerned about me using my left hand. But I let the thoughts drift away as we all get caught up with how things have been in the shop and the palace. The odd tension of the situation dissipating quickly. Even Muriel chimes in about some things happening down in his homeland recently. Everything starts to feel right, and I couldn’t think of a better way to spend the evening before the wedding. In our tiny home, surrounded by family and the comfort of their smiles.

The night air is cold as it harshly cuts throw my hooded cloak. I can feel my cheeks burn from its kiss. The shop door is closed and not a single light is on. My name is Caragh. I am a student of the magical arts. I live and train in the city of Vesuvia.

The night is covered in a thick blanket of fog, causing the streets to give off a milky glow. I turn away from the shop. “Is this your domain?” A voice distant in my mind whispers softly to me. My feet find their own way along the streets out of the city center and into the flooded district. Not a single soul lingers, even the taverns are quiet. I hear the sounds of small animal’s feet skitter across a wood floor in one of the builds, as even the wind is no longer howling in my ear. I pass by a familiar house and continue out towards the sea. The moon hanging high above it, sparkling the ripples of the waves with its light. The sound of the waves crashing against the docks fades to silence as I stare out to Lazaret. The shadow it casts from the moonlight grows. Stretching out to where I stand on the docks, covering me in the heavyweight of darkness. I...died of the plague, three years ago. This is where I belong.

All that is on my mind is the island. I sit on the docks edge, placing my feet on top of the water. I do not sink through, instead, I walk with purpose across the water, over each silent wave. Still engulfed in the island’s shadow as I reach its shore. I walk the path, just like I did that day. Placing each foot in the remains of other footprints left here by so many. Through the iron gates, the building comes to life as the sound of fire cracking echos through my head. The ground beneath my feet getting warmer as I make my way to the cremation room. The room lights up in a blaze of flames, as a strange sense of comfort fills me. I know this, this is my fate, the outcome of who I was. I walk forward towards the flames, reaching out for it. Wanting the comfort and warmth of the flames to take me once more. “You have confined yourself within these walls you’ve built.” The voice returns and I stop myself in the archway of the room, the flames dancing just before my eyes. I feel a gentle tug on my arm, allowing myself to be pulled by it as it leads me back outside the tower and into a clearing. A pile of ash and bones before me. I feel a magical aura in the pile pull at my heart, a familiar aura. But it’s not anyone’s that I can think of. I start digging through the bones, the ash coating my fingers, hands, and soon arms. The aura getting stronger as I feel something hidden in the sand and ash. Pulling it out, the opal gem shines brightly from the moonlight. The gem itself hanging between a crescent moon design. Swirls and odd shapes creating the defining figure of the crescent moon itself. The necklace in my hand brings me to tears and I am not sure why. The magic coming off the item is warm and inviting as I cradle it close to me. “This is not your realm dear.” The voice speaks again, this time much louder, softer, kinder. Bright swirls of colors dance around a large tree near me. Craving out the shape of a door in the bark, once complete the bark twist itself into a door handle within the door shape. The outline of it all glowing softly now, pulsing like a heartbeat. I stand, my mouth gaping from the sight of the beautifully carved door before me.

“Only in the darkness of an ending does the New Moon arise. Go.” The necklace still clutched in my hands, I reach for the door handle. Faint soft music is playing from the other side of the door. I feel the island dissolve away from me, the darkness fading and a bright light emerging as the door opens. It’s blinding as I cover my eyes with my arm. The light consuming me whole.

#the arcana #The Arcana Game #thearcanagame #mc the arcana #the arcana fan fiction #arcana fan fiction #the arcana fanfic #the arcana fan mc #the arcana fan apprentice #fan fiction #asra x apprentice #asra alnazar #julian devorak #nadia satrivana #portia devorak #caragh #the arcana caragh

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siinoda · 5 years

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The Arcana cheating on you; The Other Three (TM) Edition

Here’s the other three! Break whats left of your heart under the cut.

In case you missed the first three, you can catch up and read them Here

Muriel:

It happens with a friend you both know

Muriel has known them about as long, if not longer than he’s known you, so he trusts them quite a bit.

He met them through Asra, they were another magician that passed through from time to time and was able to see past his curse.

You and him have been together for a little while now but have never done anything more intimate than kissing.

He wants to take it father with you but doesn’t know how.

He really doesn’t know where to begin at all, and he wants this to be the best experience for both of you.

So one evening while you’re out, he has his friend over.

He doesn’t like talking about your personal lives, much less sex but he needs to know.

So he asks them, truing to be nonchalant about it

His face is so red they know he’s talking about the two of you

They present him with an offer. They would show him how to please you, and what sex is like so he wouldn’t be so nervous his first time with you.

He isn’t fond of the idea of someone else touching him, but he does want to be good for you.

While he’s considering it they reach over

The whole experience is slow, experimental, then like it started its over.

You run into the friend on your way in as they’re leaving. They tell you how much Muriel must love you before heading home.

Thats weird, but not as weird as Muriel sitting on the bed you share, naked, red faced and covered in red marks.

He doesn’t even open his mouth to speak before you realize what happened, why the friend’s hair looked so unkempt, the lazy look in their eyes.

The immediate guilt and panic on Muriel’s face.

He stands with the sheet around his hips as you leave him in the cottage, taking a long walk outside to calm down.

By the time you make it back, admittedly still upset, he had gotten dressed and was sitting at the table.

There is a violent storm in your mind. Why weren’t you enough? Why couldn’t he talk to you? Why couldn’t he have trusted that it would have been great with the two of you if you tried it together?

The only question you can form out loud is a single word among all the pain and confusion in your head. “Why?”

It comes out a single broken syllable, and it makes him flinch.

You refuse to sit down as he is quiet, softly explaining how it happened.

He doesn’t give details and he can’t look at you.

He won’t even let you touch him, it only makes his stomach turn more with guilt.

He stays his quiet self in the time following the incident. He doesn’t touch you, doesn’t kiss you, just goes about life catching dinner, raising chickens.

The only time he’ll touch you is with a single pat on the head, you think it may just be an acknowledgement of your existence. The thought tightens your chest, making it harder to breathe each time he does it.

He doesn’t know how to fix this. He is afraid to ask, afraid to drag it up again only to face the same look you gave him before.

He’s so afraid to face you it makes him weak.

When you wake up in the morning he’s already gone for the day. He doesn’t come to bed unless you’re already asleep.

If you’re honest, this hurts worse than the cheating.

When he comes home to find you packing your things he asks you what you’re doing.

You tell him if he’s decided to step away from you after what happened, then you don’t see a point in staying.

He doesn’t miss the way your voice wavers, and he instantly knows he’s fucked up on top of the original fuck up.

He comes to you, closing your bag and moving it aside as he takes your hands.

He pulls you close, pressing your face to his chest so you won’t see the hot tears in his eyes, but it doesn’t stop you from feeling him tremble.

His hold staying tight around you as his voice begs for you not to leave.

Its all he can do, apologize and ask you to stay.

He promises you the world, tells you how he cut off the person it happened with. How he’ll pull the moon from the sky if that’s what it took to earn your forgiveness.

The night is spent with both of you sitting by the fire, talking through what happened and communicating the best ways to move past it.

You keep a tight hold on his hand the entire time.

Your life together gradually grows simple and easy again, and the two of you have grown closer as a couple as a result.

And when you two finally do work up to the next level, its as special and perfect as he hoped it would be.

Portia:

Portia casually flirts with everyone

Neither of you think much of it. You always know she’ll come home to you to smother you in kisses and love.

You weren’t worried when Nadia mentioned that Portia had been spending time with someone she had been training at work.

Portia didn’t think anything different of her actions when she told them they were hot teasingly while folding clothes together in the palace, joking with each other to pass the time.

She never paid attention to the way they’d take her hand and squeeze in the middle of wheezing laughter.

She ignored the warmth when their fingers touched her skin, when their hugs lasted too long when they parted

She told herself it wasn’t anything when they told her she was beautiful

When they tickled her sides, making her giggle and blush.

And one day in the laundry room, after they chased each other having a soaking wet bubble fight

Portia didn’t think about how close they were when they pinned her back against the wall with the bubbles in their hand.

When the laughter died and her eyes opened and all she could see was their eyes staring into hers, their breath heavy as it heaved their chest

From the bubble fight or their current position she wasn’t sure

And when they leaned in, and Portia’s eyes closed, she didn’t know what to think as their hands found purchase, pulling away the wet, now cold clothes.

She was grateful they were in a laundry room. She got dressed, her heart hammering in her chest.

When they kissed her before parting, it tasted sour on her lips.

She could still taste it when she returned home. Her throat was dry when she saw you, sitting on your shared bed, practicing magic out of a book Asra gave you.

She watched your hands work, your beautiful eyes fixated on the book at your side.

She loved watching you do magic. She loved seeing you so in your element, doing things she couldn’t even dream were possible.

Today, she watched you as your eyes rose to meet hers. Her heart skipped a beat at the laugh you let slip at her change of clothing.

“My love, did you slip into the river again? You should be more careful.”

You freeze at the tears in her eyes, dropping your magic to jump to your feet and hurry to her, cupping her face in your hands.

When you ask her what’s wrong her eyes squeeze closed, her tears soaking your hands.

When she tells you she fucked up, you just shake your head.

“Whatever happened, we can fix it togeth--”

The look she gives you stops you cold.

When she tells you what happens you’re frozen, stuck in place as you stare at her face.

This didn’t feel real. You didn’t want to believe that your Portia was capable of this.

You have to ask. And you regret when you do.

When you find out its the trainee you feel sick. She’s sobbing when you pull away.

When you ask her if she loves them and she hesitates, its too much.

She doesn’t stop you when you pack a bag and head to stay with Asra.

He holds you while you break, trying to soothe you with tea and soft advice. Your old mentor distracts you with lessons, reading your cards and lighting the room with borrowed incense from Nadia.

You stay for a few days, getting your head together, coddling your grief as it weighs on your chest.

When you finally return home, its impeccably spotless. Portia spent her time organizing your books, clothes, other belongings into neat little easy-to-find and pack spaces. You sit and wait for her to get home.

When she enters and sees you sitting there she stops. You can see the red around her eyes, and you know you don’t look much better.

She sits with you, leaving her hands on the table should you want to hold them, but not pushing you to do so.

You ask her again, because you never got a straight answer and you have to know.

“Do you love them, Portia?”

When she shakes her head, blatant relief makes you choke. She starts talking in a hurried tone, trying to explain everything.

It doesn’t make much sense to you, honestly. You feel just as hurt by it knowing what happened. But you’re grateful for the honesty.

Portia tells Nadia someone else has to train the new person, and tells them that she made a mistake and is madly in love with another.

You don’t have to worry about them again, because they avoid Portia (and you) from then on.

Portia stops flirting with others, even as a joke.

She focuses all her attention on you, and doesn’t let others flirt with or touch at her anymore.

You both find happiness and a way to move past it together, just like you promised.

Lucio:

Ohhh Lucio.

A man with many wants and no patience.

Lucio found something he thinks is love with you.

After all that time spent in the spirit world as an angry goat, he doesn’t waste time in the present affording himself (and you) any and all luxuries.

He gets annoyed (but is unsure why) when you spend time away from him, especially if you’re off with Asra.

Frankly, it pisses him off.

He’s in one of these moods when a cute servant comes up to clean.

He smiles charmingly and invites them back to his room.

There really isn’t any thought from either of them as their clothes come off, Lucio always starved for more even though gods know you do your best to satiate him ffs

Lucio is not gentle with them, leaving marks galore and in the heat of everything calling your name.

It crossed his mind that you might enjoy hate-fucking like this, and the thought of you makes him lose the mood rather quickly.

He kicks them out immediately after, confused and upset.

He takes a long bath, washing their scent off of him but he could still feel their hands, could still hear them calling his name.

It rung in his head, an obnoxious bell that kept crashing and making a mess of his thoughts.

When you return with a smile and see him standing and staring at the painting of himself, you just chuckle and hug him from behind, loving the fresh, clean smell of him.

He acts as if nothing happened, carrying on with you like he would any other day.

You don’t find out until you hear the servants chattering.

Portia comes to you with what she heard, and you really don’t believe it at first.

You go straight to Lucio and confront him, asking him what happened and if the rumors were true.

He scowls, looking away, muttering something about sewing the lips shut of the help in this place.

When you step closer, demanding an answer he looks to you. Behind all the anger and bravado you see the answer you were looking for.

Lucio is quick to stand and block your path angrily demanding to know where you’re going.

You’re too worked up to think straight. You ask why the hell he would do something like this, why he would hide it from you, what the fuck ever made him think any of it was acceptable??

He’s red in the face when he loses his temper. He shouts about how you always leave him to spend time with Asra, how ridiculous it is that you prefer his company over Lucio’s.

The anger that peaks in realizing it was a jealousy fuck is blinding.

When he sees your tears the anger melts to panic

He pulls you close, trying to get you to calm down in the middle of trying to tell him how you stretch yourself thin to maintain your friendship with the person who literally has tried to help you piece yourself back together after your memory loss and the person you loved who hated your friend with a passion.

He doesn’t let you pull away as he spews an apology, asking you what he can give you to make it go away.

Your glare through your tears and it just makes his heart sink like its made of lead.

It takes awhile for you to trust him again.

But he works hard, doing everything he can to be better for you and to make your relationship easier on the both of you.

He still gets jealous when you go visit Asra, but now when you come home he picks you up and carries you back to his room for some quality time together.

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sapphiresea · 5 years

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The Earp Expo Experience

Wow. The three E’s. This is why I’m never in charge of titling things.

This past weekend, I went to Earp Expo in New Orleans and a couple of people have expressed interest in reading about my experience. Since I’m currently in the middle of the post-con crash, I’m writing about it now to alleviate some of that with memories of how completely amazing it was. Because...it was. The cast, the volunteers, and all the other Earpers made it one of the most special weekends of my entire life.

My Expo began on Thursday, right from the start when I met a couple other Earpers on my flight from Calgary to New Orleans. We knew each other from previous events and the twitter world, but hadn’t actually planned to go in together until it happened. Let me tell you, flights are so much easier when you’ve got someone to share them with –– especially the stopovers! We even met a couple of UK Earpers in the airport in Atlanta who were really great to chat with.

Our evening was spent with a few other Earp friends watching the Raptors game in the hotel bar. Kat even walked by once on her way to another bar and asked how the game was going, and at the end of the night, her and Dom walked by us again on their way in and waved at us. Most of the time, we just spent chatting amongst ourselves, but as the game grew closer, we all started getting into it. Even our bartender started cheering for the Raptors with us, and I don’t think I’ve laughed or cheered so hard in a long time. I’m not usually a sports person, but I was so into it.

The real expo started the next day, though, with registration. I had to get up so early because I was curling my hair and dressing up as Waverly from the Big Gay Dinner episode. I looked cute, though, and I got to spend the time between registration and autographs sitting in a meeting room chatting with people from across the world! Not a bad way to start.

The first thing I did with the start of the programming was to head to the autograph room to see Kat. I had a Bernie tote that my friend Abbie had made holding things to give to people. The line was long, but even the longest lineups were pretty fun because you’re never just standing there in silence. You’re with each other.

I gave Kat a bag of Old Dutch ketchup chips and teased her that she was eating the wrong kind, so I was going to fix that. She admitted she had never tried Old Dutch and said she was so excited to dig into them and thanked me for bringing them all the way from Canada. I also gave her a copy of Portia de Rossi’s Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain because of our previous conversation, which she said she remembered, and said she couldn’t wait to start.

Friday and Saturday, I was asking cast members to sign my final honours thesis. I told them that I had a bit of a tough time getting through university for awhile because I had gotten very ill right in the middle of it, but that now I was going on to grad school. I said I wanted them to sign the thesis because Wynonna Earp had helped to keep me sane through all of it. Particularly to Dom and Kat, I said that meeting them at Emerald City Comic Con had really given me the inspiration I needed to get through to the end and that it had paid off because I had gotten top grades across the faculty and won a couple of awards for it. Their names were all in the acknowledgements as a result, as well as a thank you to the entire Earper family, and that’s where they all signed.

Kat, along with everyone else who signed it (Dom, Melanie, Emily, Dani, and Varun), said she was very proud of me and that I should be very proud of myself for it because it was amazing and congratulated me on all of it. Emily, who signed next, made such a big deal about it. She told me that I was breaking barriers for women in research and that I had an incredible story that she would love to read one day. Dom and Dani echoed Kat’s sentiments. Michael Eklund came over while Dani was signing the thesis, too, and she asked if he had signed it because she couldn’t believe she was signing someone’s thesis. At least I’m unique? And I’ll get to Varun’s response later, when I get to the part where we met, because his was probably the best.

Kat and I took three selfies (even though I’m only posting two here) before I left to see Emily. I also had a photo op from the Calgary Comic Expo for her to sign from last year’s convention. She’s making a pretty ridiculous face in it and when she saw it, she was like, “Oh my god! What am I doing!? I’m so sorry I ruined your photo!” I assured her that actually I just thought it was hilarious and that I love that picture.

I told her that I was glad to get to meet her now because back then I was still so new to watching that I wasn’t really an Earper yet. I told her that my dad and I started watching because the show was filmed in Calgary and we were both Calgary natives, which really excited her. We talked about the city for a bit and she told me that part of why she had been so jazzed about developing Wynonna Earp was that she could imagine just from reading the comics the potential to film in Calgary. We talked about the city a bit and she later said that since my dad isn’t big on conventions, we should come to set once it starts filming again. I don’t know if she really meant it, but it was so sweet anyway!

I also mentioned with my thesis that I was doing the expo instead of graduation stuff and she congratulated me on graduating. “I feel like I should get you something!” she exclaimed, apologizing for not getting me anything. As if I needed it. Bridget pointed out that she had beads on her table so she picked up a purple string and said, “Oh yeah. I got these for you. I went to Tiffany’s and got these for you,” as she hung them around my neck. The only beads I bothered to bring home from New Orleans. After we took a selfie, she asked if she could hug me, and of course, I said ‘yes.’

Next, I saw Dom. Her table was being a lot more rushed due to long lines, but she was still so sweet and gracious. She said it was really nice to see me again. I gave her a handmade card with a quote on it and a bracelet I hoped she might like, which she thanked me for and said both were beautiful, especially the card. She also asked to see the tattoo I had gotten of her writing from ECCC and smiled at the result. I love this tattoo like a lot. When she got up to take selfies with me, she also gave me a really big hug without me even asking, which was super nice. Kat had done the same, which was also great because I hadn’t gotten the chance to give her a hug at ECCC.

I had a couple photo ops after with Dom, then Dani. Dom’s was pretty quick. I had forgotten props at home for it, so I gave her rainbow sunglasses and we posed with those. Dani, I asked just to make a silly face. She asked for direction and when I had none, she said, “Just any funny face?” and I nodded. When I thanked her for the photo, she said she didn’t think I’d be thanking her once I saw it. But I did see it and I did love it, so I guess she’s wrong hah!

The representation panel separated my photo ops with Dani and Dom from my photo op with Kat. It was really great, but Varun totally made me tear up when he talked about Indian representation on television. I’m going to let the internet cover the panel, though, since I imagine it’ll be on YouTube at some point. My photo with Kat was also kind of dampened by my forgetfulness for props, but I gave her my cell phone and told her to hold it out of reach for me. She didn’t hold it all the way up, though, so I had to crouch a little to make the picture and it kind of looks weird? But I made it a meme anyway. Here’s the original.

Back up to the autograph area, I then went to see Dani. In addition to discussion of my thesis stuff, I also told her I loved Workin’ Moms and that since I’m Canadian, I was all caught up. I told her I watched with my parents, which made her laugh and exclaim, “You watch it with your parents!? Is that awkward? What did they think about the scene where I m*st*rb*te on the couch?” I just said that thankfully, I did watch some episodes without them. She thanked me for my support and I complimented her outfit before moving onto Varun’s table.

Similar to Emily’s table on Friday, Varun’s had a relatively short line but was taking a long time to get through because he was chatting with everyone for so long. When I got up to have my thesis signed, he wasn’t even sitting behind his table. Instead, he was stood leaning against it, and every time someone came up, he would engulf them in a big hug. He looked at me with a big grin and said, “I recognize you!” and I guess I kind of made a confused face because he added, “I think?” and we had an awkward conversation about how I’d never actually met him before. Oops.

The rest of the interaction was far from awkward, though. Varun is extremely personable and kind. He asked me a million questions about my thesis. Actually, most of the cast had questions as to what it was about and how to define words like ‘alexithymia,’ but he was genuinely interested in how I ran the experiment and measured all my variables, what populations I used, etc. We had a long talk about things like physician bias and gender bias in diagnosing disorders among other things. He said psychology has always fascinated him, along with meditation. He finally had to move on to some of the people behind me, but he gave me another big hug. The selfie we took was inspired by the one of Kat and I from ECCC because he saw it as my lock screen when I took my phone out and mimicked it because he liked it.

Although I was done with that for the day, I spent the whole of Friday night with a bunch of different Earpers, at restaurants and bars before taking a haunted tour of the French quarter with a new friend that was really fun. I stayed up way too late again, and thus became the pattern of the weekend. I’m so sleep-deprived, guys. I probably need a 12 year nap.

Saturday was a different beast. I arrived only fifteen minutes early and started with photo ops. A friend and I had a joint Unkillable Gay Squad photo first. Since we’re both academics and geeks, I brought my stats books down and we asked them to pretend we were teaching them stats. I think Dom has the best face out of everyone because it’s the face I get every time I tell someone I’m going into quantitative psychology. Kat was genuinely trying to read the textbook over my shoulder and when we were done, she was like, “Yeah, I understood none of that!"

An incredibly sweet Earper had extra cast photo ops. Since it was one of my best friends’ first convention ever, she gifted to us one of the cast photos. Another friend couldn’t find her party and was bummed to miss her photo ops so we pulled her into ours instead. Our plan for poses didn’t work because some of the cast were in chairs, so we told them just to do whatever pose they wanted. As I walked in, Varun made a point to tell me that he had been trying to explain my thesis to Dom the night before. So that happened. Crazy, honestly, because it means they were talking about me!! Madness.

Following that, a friend and I hopped into Melanie’s autograph line for her first signing session. We were early for it, but there was already a full line and overflow line, so we were the beginning of the second overflow. Everyone wanted to see her at once. I had to laugh, though, because while I was in line, I changed into my Lasagna Del Rey tee and realized that Mel was wearing hers, too. It was a long time before I would get to the front to point it out, but the time went fast enough. My friend and I met a couple other Earpers with Earp playing cards and we played a few rounds of Go Fish followed by Blackjack. We were also all fighting over who could collect the most Wayhaught cards. Good times.

Meeting Melanie was amazing. When she saw my shirt, she leaned back in her chair, putting on an offended face and exclaimed to her handler, “Are you seeing this!?” and proceeded to tease me about it. I had her sign the same photo as Emily and she squinted at her hair like, “What’s with all the flyaways there? Thoughts?” and then was like, “Oh, it’s because I had all my fake Wynonna hair in and was trying to keep it all at bay.”

When I told her about my thesis, I added, “And just so you know, it’s not a crap thesis either. It tied for the Outstanding Honours Award and I got a certificate of academic excellence from the CPA for it.” Eyes widened and she held up her hand to high-five me and exclaimed, “That’s how we Earp it girl!” So I was pretty proud.

She then pointed out the matching shirts to everyone again as she got up and whispered in my ear, “Did you know I was going to wear this this morning?” and told me to post the pictures on twitter because her boss needed to see it.

Immediately following Mel’s autograph session was my Earp sisters photo with her and Dom. I gave them big lollipops, which they loved, and as we started, Mel turned me to Dom and said, “She’s from Calgary! Did you know that!?” Dom looked a little confused, to be honest, but she was like, “No, I don’t think I did. The name’s Steph, right?” I nodded and she smiled, but before she could say anything else, Mel was like, “And she only went and wrote a thesis for us!” So maybe my masters should somehow incorporate Wynonna Earp beyond the acknowledgements and dedications. I have no idea how though lol. Also, as I was leaving, she pointed out again to everyone that we were matching.

A combined photo op with Dani and Mel was next. I asked them to recreate the distracted boyfriend meme and Melanie exclaimed, “Yes!” They asked me who each of us should be and I said they could pick whoever they wanted. Mel wanted to be the girl at the front and Dani went through directing the rest of the photo. When we were done, Melanie winked at me and said this was probably the best photo they’d done.

I had to run to an overlapping photo op with Dom and Kat right after that, so I had to change in the lineup back into the Equality shirt beneath my Lasagna Del Rey and put on beads and a hat before getting the rest of the props ready. Pride photos are a lot harder than anticipated! But I love how it turned out, and Kat really dug the tiny glittery rainbow cowboy hats.

I tried to get autographs from Kat and Dom again because I had giveaway items, but they ran too close to the start of Emily’s workshop, so I couldn’t. The workshop was so much fun, though. She asked that there be no recording so that content remains fresh for newcomers at future cons, so I’m not going to talk much about it. All I’m going to say is that it was really interesting and even more funny. Kinda wish she’d come teach my regular classes.

Aside from at Dani’s table during her signing, the only time I got to meet Michael Eklund outside of photo ops was actually on the sidewalk outside the hotel. I showed him my shirt and he hugged me. Sadly I was never able to make it to his table because I had booked myself with too little flexibility, and every time he was doing a signing, I was busy. Sad. I hope I get to see him at a future con because he’s super great.

Sunday started early with photo ops again. My first was a cast photo this time – the one that I had purchased for myself. I had a lot of selfie props and handed them out to everyone as I told them that I would be using this in place of a real graduation photo. Someone (I don’t remember which one of them) said that was a great idea and they all agreed. As I was leaving, they all cheered congratulations and clapped for me. I almost died, y’all. It was way better than walking across a stage.

Shortly after, I had another photo op with Kat to make up for the one I didn’t like so much on Friday. It did. She wrapped her arms around me and you can see on my face exactly how pleased I am with myself for asking for prom poses. She also asked to make sure I was happy with the grad photo and was glad to know I loved it. A lot.

I had a meet and greet with Dani Kind next, which was fun. That woman really knows how to make you laugh, even when you’re fsjdkfnkv freezing from air con being way too high. She told us about her campy new horror movie and talked a bit about Workin’ Moms and politics. I didn’t talk a lot except for the Canadian election stuff, but it was still super fun just to listen to her.

I left to get into line for autographs from Dom for the giveaway, but because she had photo ops to get to, our line was cut off while we were still in overflow. We were given post-it notes with numbers on them to indicate that we would be allowed into her line first later. I hopped into Kat’s instead, but a few minutes later, they did the same for hers, so I went to take a breather with a friend until my last photo op.

My final photo was with Wayhaught and my friend for her first con. We asked them to kiss our cheeks, and I think my face says it all. Amazing. Kat apologized for getting lip gloss on my cheek but it really didn’t even matter. I loved it.

Using my post-it from earlier, I went to Kat’s line first since her session was supposed to start sooner. Since I had both post-its, I and two others were allowed to jump lines when we were finished instead of getting into overflow. Nice.

This time, we took our selfies first. When she sat down and looked at the names on the stickies for personalization, she was like, “You’re getting them for someone else?” I replied to tell her a bit about the girls I was having her sign for. She particularly loved that Kylie had decorated her grad cap writing ‘Aphrodite made me do it’ and signed that to her paper.

I then asked her a bit about her experience going to Ellen Degeneres’ show, since she loves her so much (and so do I!). She got really excited and told me that it was absolutely amazing and hilarious, and that she had won a washing machine. I asked how and she said there was a giveaway and that she had also won a two-year supply of Tide. She had to sell the washing machine, though, since she didn’t live in L.A. at the time. She said if I ever have the chance to see her, that I should definitely go, because it was a real moment of seeing her hero live, adding that whenever she’s upset or depressed, she likes to binge Ellen’s talk show on YouTube or sometimes her comedy, which she also loves. I said I was a big fan of her sitcom, but she admitted she hadn’t seen it yet, and I told her to check it out some time.

Dom was my last stop, so I hopped into her line as told. She was moving a little faster, probably because she’s been so late at all the other cons lately, but was still taking time with everyone. She, too, took the selfie first this time. I told her I was getting these autographs for a giveaway for people who couldn’t be there and she exclaimed, “Oh that’s so nice!” I told her a little about the winners and she was jazzed when I said they were from across the globe (I told her the exact countries but just in case, to protect privacy, I won’t say where here).

I said that I had a random question and asked about her experience with the Spice Girls musical, since I loved them growing up. She blew out a breath and said that was a really big time for her, and that it taught her a lot, especially being part of a big musical that flopped. But, she said, she did get to sing with them on opening night and meet all of the girls. I said that was really cool and asked who her favorite Spice Girl was. She thought for a moment and said it fluctuated between Scary and Baby. I agreed that Baby was always my favorite and she said that she was definitely the nicest.

Also, while she was signing the second photo, she kind of paused for a second and looked at it and then said, “Oh, I just noticed that.” She pointed to a darker spot in the background of the picture and said she had never noticed it before but that for a second, she thought it was moving and that it was a bug. Then she said that her brain was kind of sdfsdfgdg (honestly, the only way to describe the sound that came out of her mouth is a keysmash) and laughed.

As I left, I told her that I hoped she had a great weekend and she said she hoped the same for me. I left and realized I had dumbly left my water bottle on her table and ran back to get it. I zipped back off so I wouldn’t interrupt the next person’s time, but I saw her turn toward me and laugh, saying, “Great job!” Oops... What is it with teal water bottles always being left behind guys?

I went to the cast panel with a bunch of my friends and I think just about the whole room was in tears by the end of the closing ceremonies. Again, I’ll leave those for YouTube. The best parts are already online, anyway, but it was really cool to see it live.

The con was over, but some Earpers posted later in the night that they were having a viewing party in one of the conference rooms on the second floor, so my friend and I went down to join. It was so much fun watching with other Earpers. We played the pilot and then went down a rabbit hole of Wayhaught, including playing the cheerleading scene on repeat. My favorite quote, though, was when we were watching them kiss in 2x02 at the end, when they’re making up. Someone asked an Earper who was hard of hearing if they could hear and they answered, “No.” She said, “Oh, let me pause and put on subtitles,” and they responded, “I didn’t say I needed to hear it to enjoy it.” Wow. Mood.

Monday morning was check out and Dom was in the lobby. She was on her phone and people were looking but no one was bothering her. I went to the desk to check out and Varun appeared at the desk next to me to check out too. He got to talking to my friend who was with me about my thesis (!?) and when I was done checking out, I joined them. He said he and Dom were about to go on a swamp tour and he had to go but that he hoped to see us again at future cons and that it was nice meeting us. That guy really is the sweetest.

Anyway, now I’m home. And a bit sad. But mostly just overwhelmed for love for this cast and for Earpers. I didn’t put as much in here as I could about the atmosphere of the event. So inclusive and kind. Everywhere I turned, I made a new friend. I was always talking to someone, and often those were people I had never met before. There was so much laughter, so much bonding. So many generous, amazing souls. I can’t wait for EH Con and to see them again. I love this family with all my heart. Any sadness I feel came from a place of great joy, and knowing this community is still out there even if we’re not together is so comforting. I love Earpers with my whole freakin’ heart.

#wynonna earp cast #earp expo 2019 #melanie scrofano #kat barrell #dominique provost chalkley #varun saranga #emily andras #dani kind #personal #but feel free to rb if you want to for whatever reason idc.#face

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rose-of-fair · 5 years

Text

A Family Trip

(For the lovely @aoi-hina here is some wholesome family fluff content ❤)

The smell of freshly baked pumpkin bread caught the attention of little Luna who was squirming in the arms of her father, Julian. Jenna smiled, amused at the scene and pinched her daughter's cheek fondly. Jenna and Julian had decided that they would bring Luna through the marketplace of Vesuvia and along the way pay a visit to Portia’s home. It was a rare opportunity for Luna to explore Vesuvia like this, and it was clear she was enjoying it. Her grey eyes sparkled with wonder as she continued to point at random things she saw while Julian did his best to explain it to her, Currently, Luna was fixated on the smell of pumpkin bread. Jenna’s stomach grumbled. She couldn’t deny that she too was craving for the delicious smelling bread. It had been far too long since she last had a fresh slice from the breadmaker.

“Let’s get some pumpkin bread. We can bring extras, for Portia,” said Jenna. Luna stopped squirming and beamed. “Yay!” Luna raised her tiny arms above her head, making the passersby looked over at her and smiled. She was still at the phase she didn’t quite have an indoor voice yet. Julian adjusted his hold on Luna and agreed.

“Sounds like a great idea! I haven’t had pumpkin bread in so long. I know Portia will be dying to try some.” The family crossed the busy walkway into the bakery. In unison Jenna, Luna closed their eyes and inhaled the sweet scent of freshly baked goods. The mix of scents was captivating, making Luna’s stomach growl. Jenna and Julian laughed together and ordered a large loaf of pumpkin bread. The young apprentice wrote down the order went to the back room to the kitchen. Seconds later an older breadmaker came up to them. Jenna immediately recognized the man.

“It’s good to see you, Jenna. Glad you are here to have my pumpkin bread again,” said the Breadmaker. He wiped his flour-covered hands against his apron and grinned. His short slicked brown hair had a few more grey hairs but he stilled looked the same when Jenna and Asra would visit almost every single day a few years ago. Julian coughed, breaking the reunion between the two of them.

“Did you forget about me old good breadmaker?” said Julian jokingly. The Breadmaker laughed and crossed his path his bad a little too hard, making Julian stumble forward with Luna still in his arms.

“How could I forget my arch rival at the Rowdy Raven? Ever going to come back and reclaim your title?” said the Breadmaker. The two of them had a brief history of engaging in drinking games at the Rowdy Raven. It was a constant tug of war battle between the two of them. Julian lifted Luna up so she could get a better look at the place, “As you can see, I have been busy with this little rascal.” Luna shyly waved and wrapped her arms protectively around Julian’s neck. The Breadmaker crouched to Luna’s eye level and smiled brightly at her.

“Why you look at that! She really looks like the two of you. What a pretty girl.”

“Her name is Luna.” Jenna spoke proudly. Her daughter was her world. Showing off this bundle of joy to the world make her beyond happy. “Luna? Very unique and pretty name.” Luna smiled at the Breadmaker and he laughed. As the three chatted away, reminiscing the past, one of the bakers brought a tray carrying the giant loaf, hot and fresh to the table.

“Would you like to bring it home?” said the young baker. “Yes, please.” said Jenna. She had to hold back from taking a small piece before the young man wrapped it up securely and gave it to her. “Enjoy! Come again soon. This old guy misses you.” Jenna was stunned. The older man spoke of us often? Her heart felt warm and light knowing that he cared so much about their wellbeing. “I will definitely come back again very soon. I promise.”

“Excellent! I will keep you to that,” spoke the senior Breadmaker as he shook Julian’s hand. The family waved him goodbye and parted ways. Promising each other that they would come again with Luna to try all the delicious goods. Luna who hadn’t said much leaned her head against Julian’s shoulder and pouted.

“I want some bread.” Luna looked at her dad with that puppy dog eye expression that always made Julian cave in. Noticing this Julian looked She he wouldn’t be swayed by his daughter.

“We will have some when we get to my sisters home. It won’t take long to get there, I promise.” Jenna noticed Luna’s sad expression. If they continued their way like this, Luna would surely have a fit later. A thought came to her.

“How about we play a game?”

“A game?” Julian and Luna spoke in unison. It was moments like this that Jenna was reminded how alike these two were to each other, even if they didn’t have the awareness of it at times. Jenna adjusted her glasses and moved the bag of bread from one arm to the other.

"Let’s play I spy,” said Jenna.

“I wanna play!” Luna yelled and tightened her grip on Julian’s neck. He tried pulling her arm away from his neck so he could breathe.

“I spy with my little eye, something that is green,” said Julian. Luna, looked around curiously, “The grass?” She said, pointing at the lunch green grass that travelled up the stone path.

"No. Try again, dear,”

“That leaf on your coat!” Luna reached for a fallen leaf and removed it from his coat. Julian laughed and examined the leaf. It wasn’t quite what he was looking at but seeing his daughter happy was all worth it.

“You are correct, Luna! Good eye!” He ruffled Luna’s auburn hair and kissed her cheek. Jenna watched them and smiled. Those two are definitely alike in more ways than one.

“Mommy, one more!”

“Alright, alright. How about I guess this time.” Jenna looped one arm through Julian’s. The two of them watched Luna looked around the oncoming trees and greenery and suddenly her eye caught onto something.

“Eye spy with my little eye, something that is blue.”

“My dress?” said Jenna.

“Nope!”

“That bluebird.” Julian pointed at the blue jay that perched itself on the tree. “No.” said Luna. Jenna and Julian tried to guessing what she was seeing but couldn’t spot anything that was blue. They crossed a thick forest that led directly to Portia’s home. Countless Nadia gave them private entry so they could visit her whenever they desired.

Luna had her eyes locked onto something but Jenna nor Julian could have guessed what she was looking at. “I give up. What is it?” said Jenna. “Kitty!” squealed Luna who was squirming in her father's arms again. Julian panicked and held her securely. “A cat?” Julian looked ahead and through the bushes could see a small shadowy figure through the leaves. The animal meowed and peered its blue eyes at them. Julian laughed.

"Jenna, it’s a cat with blue eyes,” Julian beamed down at Luna, “excellent eye you got their.” They got closer to the cat who then jumped out from the bushes and began to press themselves against Julian’s leg.

“Pepi! It’s good to see you. Were you waiting for us?” Cooed Jenna. She crouched down and scratched Pepi’s ears affectionately. Pepi butted her head against Jenna’s palm and purred. Luna reached out her tiny arm and rubbed Pepi’s back, the cat immediately falling onto the ground and rolling her back against the grass, stomach exposed for more pampering. Jenna was about to reach over to Pepi before the cat jumped up suddenly at a familiar voice. The family turned their heads in the direction of the voice to see Portia wading through the bushes. Her face flushed red likely from moving around so much. Portia raised a hand as she gathered herself, steadying her racing heart before speaking.

“You are in big trouble, Pepi! I was looking all over for you,” Portia crossed her arms, “Now look at you, rolling on the floor for some attention from my brother and sister-in-law.” Pepi meowed and trotted over to Portia, rubbing their head against her legs. She sighed and picked up Pepi in her arms.

“It's good to see you all safe and sound. Sorry, you had to come see me looking this like.” Portia gestured to her frizzy auburn hair. Jenna waved her hand dismissively, “You look beautiful as always, Portia.”

“Oh, you flatterer. Come on let's go to my home.” Portia laughed and led the way. Julian and Jenna followed in tow. As they took a sharp right through a narrow but cleared path, they say Portia's home. It was small but full of life and vegetation. It felt like a zoo, a chaotic one at that. Portia opened the heavy wooden door to her home and had her guests walk in first.

“Welcome home! Make yourself comfortable.” Portia opened her arms wide and embraced Julian and Luna. “Look at Luna! She is growing so fast.” Portia pinched her cheek gently and kissed her forehead. Portia adored Luna with all her heart. She was elated to be asked to be Luna's godmother and would continue to be the coolest aunt and godmother Luna ever had.

“It's good to see you too, sister.” Julian let Luna down onto the nearby couch, the girl immediately tipping over on her side and kicking her tiny legs.

“I brought you something, Portia.” Jenna held up the bag as Portia inspected the bag before smelling it. “Oh! It's pumpkin bread. You shouldn't have.” Portia took the bag and leaned closer to Jenna, “Really you shouldn't have. I might eat this whole thing in one sitting. But I won't. I promise.” Jenna laughed. “Let's cut it up and give some to Luna. She is pretty hungry.” Portia looked over at Luna, “Her and I are starving. Let's get this party started.”

It was decided that Jenna and Portia would cut the bread while Julian took care of Luna, who was st the moment spinning her in the air and laughing. The two girls smiled fondly at the scene. Portia began to expertly cut the bread with her handy bread knife.

“Julian is so much happier now that he has you and Luna. Thank you for making him happy. He deserves it.” Jenna shook her head, “I should be thanking him. He has made me the happiest I have ever been. He is a terrific father.” She grabbed the slices and placed them on a large ceramic plate. I am so lucky to have Julian in my life. Luna had made us even closer thanks to her. Jenna thought fondly. Portia cut the last slice of bread and placed it on the plate.

“Let's eat!” Portia spoke enthusiastically, walking ahead making funny faces at Luna who giggled hysterically. Jenna placed the slices of pumpkin bread on the dark mahogany table. Luna tummy grumbled.

“You hungry, little one?” said Portia.

“Mhmm!” replied Luna.

“Okay, I will feed you.” Portia rushed to the kitchen and returned with a small knife and began to cut smaller pieces for Luna. Jenna and Julian sat side by side, their hands intertwined as they talked away and ate the fresh pumpkin bread. They watched Portia feed Luna. She was not only attuned with animals but children as well. Portia always had a way with Luna and neither Jenna nor Julian could understand.

“Here comes the carriage, Luna~” Portia held a piece of pumpkin bread in front of Luna. She opened her mouth and Portia popped the bread in her mouth. It took some time for Luna to chew but once she did, she smiled. “You like the taste of it?” said Portia. Luna silently nodded her head and grabbed a piece from Portia's before shoving it in her mouth. “Be careful! Luna. Take your time.” Portia fretted. She watched Luna for a couple more minutes before finally eating her portion of the pumpkin loaf.

Jenna, Portia, and Julian spoke for hours. None of them noticed until the sun was setting. Jenna and Julian stood up.

“I think it's time we leave. It's getting dark,” said Jenna regretfully. She never liked leaving this place.

“Stay the night. I insist.” Portia pleaded. It was hard to resist those eyes of her. Like a puppy asking for a treat, Jenna could see how Luna adopted this look from. Julian and Jenna looked at one another and nodded, as of they reach each other's mind.

“Ok, we shall stay for the night.” said Julian who reached down to kiss Jenna's cheek. Jenna lifted his hand and kissed the back of it. Portia not noticing the intimate moment raised her arms in joy and ran over to Luna.

“We are going to have our first sleepover, Luna. Isn't that exciting?” Luna looked at Portia with confusion but her grey eyes danced with curiosity and sleepiness. It's a good idea we agreed to this. Luna looks tired. Portia noticing this cardled Luna in her arms and sat on the couch. Julian stepped into the room as he loosened his collar. “Luna is a tough one to fall asleep. It takes time.” Portia raised an eyebrow at her brother. “Challenge accepted. If I can put Luna to be in under thirty minutes, you owe me a mini loaf of pumpkin bread.” Julian laughed. “A deal's a deal,” he said.

Julian and Jenna left the living room for the spare bedroom. The two got changed into some spare clothing and began to retire for the night. Julian began pacing in the room, looking at his pocket watch from time to time. He hated losing a bet by his sister. Amused, Jenna walked over and wrapped her arms around Julian's waist to stop his pacing. Julian wrapped his arms around her and brushed the knots from her long brown hair. Jenna was a wonderful distraction for Julian who always had his head swimming in thoughts. She brushed her thumb across his cheek, the gentle touch was enough to distract him for a brief moment.

“Julian, rest easy. Luna is in good hands.”

“I know, but I don't want to lose the bet. Jenna raised her brow, “Really? Come on Julian, it's a simple bet. Let's get some rest.” Julian sighed and nodded. “Not before I check on them first. Then I will go to bed.” The two quietly opened the door and walked down the hallway into the living room. To no one's surprise Luna was quiet and fast asleep. What did surprise them was Portia sound asleep too. Julian and Jenna couldn't help but smile at the scene. Grabbing a blanket, Jenna draped the blanket over Portia and Luna. They didn't budge one bit. Julian came over to the couch and kissed his sister and daughters forehead, wishing them a silent goodnight.

Julian didn't care about the bet. Not when his family looked so happy and peaceful. Nothing could bring him as much happiness than the love of his life and his precious Luna.

#the arcana #julian devorak #rose writes #writing commissions #fan apprentice #apprentice jenna

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goldxnclara-blog · 5 years

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[ ELIZABETH GILLIES, female, she/her ] //:…loading vibe. CLARA BLYTH ALDRIDGE-WEST just joined vibe. their profile shows they’re a TWENTY-EIGHT year old EDITOR from LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA. it’s nice to see some new faces around here. the vibe they put out is AMBITIOUS, but also MISTRUSTFUL and i hope that doesn’t stop their search. they have been on FOUR vibe dates in GENERATION ONE.

hello everyone! Damon here. i’m 18 and use they/them pronouns. i’m in gmt+0800, so i’ll tend to be a little late to events. being in the future, though, i can say with some confidence that you’re looking at a nice cloudy day. i’m currently on break after having completed my gce a levels, and am applying to university as well as part time jobs, so i’m just taking advantage of these few months of freedom to venture into the rp community. i’ve been rping for about six years and writing for about eight, but i’m always interested to learn and experience more. you can find my indie & musing blog here, and my rph blog here; my Discord is @agentn0vak#2056 feel free to hmu. on to Clara!

some things about my girl:

she certainly looks friendly enough at first glance, but she’s in professional mode most of the time and... isn’t really personally interested in many people

she’s a good boss, she’ll treat the people who work for her well - most of them actually like her, because she knows the value of appreciating your employees

she’s bi. but also have fun finding someone she likes enough to set her work aside for.

that’s why she joined Vibe! she’s not really looking for a long term relationship but she wants to get to know people outside of her work

she likes people that can help her to relax, but also have their shit together

if she doesn’t care for them she’ll drop them pretty quickly though. that’s why she’s only been on four dates that haven’t been all that successful lol

she can hold her alcohol, but she doesn’t like one night stands - you gotta earn it from her, honey

she doesn’t like her siblings, talking about them in front of her is an instant dealbreaker

since her family’s pretty influential you’d have to be living under a rock to not know her last name. as a result she likes to introduce herself with her middle name, going by Clara Blyth so people won’t try to use her for her power. she’ll only let you know her last name if she thinks you’re trustworthy

she’s been terrified ever since the visions started - although of course she hasn’t told anyone. she’s worried that there’s something wrong with her, like a brain tumour or something, and she’s gotten it checked but the doctors couldn’t find anything. she’s in control of herself 24/7 but these visions are something she can’t understand and they have her genuinely fearful for her life

plots/connections i’d like to see:

okay so this girl has definitely toppled her fair share of famous people, so i’d love someone whose life has been affected by her journalism - maybe you’ve got an uncle who went broke because she exposed him for exploiting foreign labour or whatever - not that she cares about ruining people’s lives because she thinks they deserve it, but it’d be fun for her to run into people like that sometimes

maybe someone she used to know when she was younger! she’s been all over the world, even spent a few years living abroad, so she might have met your character when she was a little younger

someone she’s met through her work? there's always interns or part timers or even... informants?

some friends from her college days, or even past Vibe dates??

there is so much we could do, i’ll be messaging people with ideas soon enough but if you have your own feel free to let me know!!

a quick breakdown of her history (this is so long honestly only the first and last bits are really important but i couldn’t help myself sorry):

Clara was born to Leopold Aldridge-West, a business mogul, and Portia Emerson, a socialite whose family broke into the hotel industry. she has two older siblings, Isla (34), and Cedric (32). Leopold’s name has been linked to various investment projects, financial services, and the entertainment industry.

Isla is her father’s right hand man, and is expected to take full command over all his companies as he prepares for retirement. at present she is already in control of his South American branches. Cedric, on the other hand, is more interested in politics, and works for the Attorney General of California.

while her family has a number of living estates in select countries, they currently reside in different states, with Clara having moved out into her own townhouse.

right from the start Clara was viewed as a backup to her siblings. while they were groomed to take over the Aldridge-West legacy (if not the companies, as was in Cedric’s case), Clara was set on a path to financial management in support of Isla.

she didn’t like it, but when your father has his fingers in half the businesses in California and is extending his reach into East Asia and South America what is a little teenage rebellion worth? so she kept her head down and followed her parents’ instructions dutifully.

in college, she took a journalism course as a bonus, and it changed her worldview for good; she realised she wanted to be part of the truth, speaking up on behalf of the people who didn’t have a voice themselves.

now that she’d found a purpose in life it was like she was a changed person. against her parents’ wishes she switched majors to journalism, and when she returned she joined the ranks of a fairly well-known investigative news site, the LA Inquirer. she started from the bottom as a journalist, but utilised her connections to chase down leads. in just three years she’d already written a number of successful articles that toppled her father’s business rivals.

she rose through the ranks quickly, where she met her mentor - Marek Czajka. he was tough and didn’t care that her family was powerful; he mentored her all the same, opening her eyes to the shit that goes on behind the scenes. things like corruption, exploitation, if it was a white collar crime he’d seen it. and the more he showed Clara the more she realised just how much she could change through her journalism.

Marek ultimately welcomed Clara to an anonymous network of whistleblowers that got their information just as illegally, and retired to leave her his legacy. with all the power Clara had, she grew ambitious and controlling, utilising various methods to gain information under her family’s noses. now editor at the LA Inquirer, she’s aware of just how much power she has, and the people she could destroy with what she knows.

#vibeintro

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herbalisia · 7 years

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The Fidelity of Flowers - Julian/Fem!Apprentice

New blog, new writing! Please be kind, this is my first fanfic ever. This takes place at the end of Julian’s Chariot book. Written with an unnamed female MC, for some semblance of self-insert possibilities. Enjoy!

Themes: angst, mostly

Words: 3,449

Rating: Everyone

Numb. Her entire world was numb. Fingertips absently scrubbed at the rough wood of the shop door, slumping against it slightly for support. Her mind was three steps behind with her current situation, but she figured that letting it catch up would only call in the tidal wave of emotions ebbing at her mental floodgates. It took her a few moments to notice Asra before her, concern darkening his features.

“Hey, I know that look. What happened? What’s wrong?” he soothed, his hand resting on her upper arm with a slight jostle. Her eyes came into focus, looking into his for some kind of direction.

“Julian left me,” she whispered, feeling winded, like someone had punched her in the gut. Hard.

Asra’s expression faltered, shifting between shock, anger, disgust, and hurt in a matter of moments. “He did? You two were…?” He shook his head, his hand grasping at her arm tighter—a comforting pressure. “Want to come upstairs and talk about it? I made that tea you like. You look like you could use it.”

The apprentice nodded, swallowing past a lump in her throat. Asra’s eyes grew concerned once more as he cupped her cheek, scrubbing his thumb across her cheekbone. She felt the change in temperature there and wiped her other eye, just noticing her own tears. Leveling a glare at the moisture on her fingertips, she tailed behind Asra, moving up the stairs and lowering herself onto one of the chairs at the kitchen table. Asra offered her a mug, which she took with cold hands, the spiced aroma breathing the smallest bit of life back into her core. It wouldn’t last, though, with the question Asra speared her with. “So, what happened?”

She chewed her lip before everything came out in a rush. She told him about their encounter on the streets the night before, their flight from the guards, waking up beside him, crashing a community theatre performance. It spilled out like emotional vomit that her body needed out immediately. “It was unnatural…an almost magnetic attraction. Everything was sparks and friction. I…I couldn’t stay away. He was everything I needed in that moment, everything I wanted to believe him to be. But he said he would only end up hurting me. Decided for me that it would be best if whatever we were becoming…didn’t become anything.” She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth to keep it from quivering.

“He took an entire day to end it? …Were you two even together?” He asked, stroking Faust where she rested, curled around his wrist.

“I…don’t know,” she admitted, her brows furrowing. Asra’s jaw clenched for a brief moment before he went off on a rant about how Julian only wished to chase drama and his own suffering, how he always sabotages happiness, and something about an ouroboros of self-flagellation. But she only mumbled out clipped responses, doing her best to defend Julian against her master’s verbal assault, despite some dark part of her inner monologue telling her to agree with him.

After returning the deck in her bag to its true owner, she flopped into her bed to sleep off her emotional hangover. Who knew someone could experience so many emotions in a single day? Excitement, fear, attraction, anxiety, desire, heartbrokenness…she couldn’t reign in the cacophony of feelings swirling in her chest, her heart fluttering like a bird bashing its wings against a bone cage. Fingers dug into the pillow beneath her head as she rolled to her side. Would he be safe? Where else could he go? Would Mazelinka help him again? Could she find him there?

Should she try to find him there?

She shook her head and buried her face into the pillow to hide her tears from the shadows of the night. She couldn’t bear the thought of him getting caught by anyone else but her. She could keep him safe. She closed her eyes and replayed the words he spoke to her on the dock, the fevered kisses he’d caught her with, always followed by a pleading “one more.” Fire rose in her chest, searing her from the inside out. But it wasn’t the searing heat that she experienced in the moments of stolen kisses and flirting touches. It was the searing heat that would have brought her to her knees if she weren’t already in bed. It brought pain, a dull and throbbing ache that she couldn’t soothe. She sighed deeply, gripping the pillow beneath her again, imagining the feeling of his auburn locks between her fingers as she remembered him. Wherever he had run to now, she only prayed that he was safe.

***

Squawks of tropical birds on the windowsill roused her from her sleep. She couldn’t remember when she had fallen into slumber. She did, however, wish that she could return to her dreams, where she had been surrounded by the familiar scent of leather and musk again, warm and content. She could’ve sworn that she could smell him and feel his warmth in her sleep, like the evening before. But of course, she woke up alone in her bed, surrounded by the familiar smell of potions ingredients instead. Even her dreams taunted her fragile emotional state. A hollow sigh rattled from her slumped form, her hands scrubbing over her tired face. If she could get some food in her stomach, she could think of some kind of plan. Did he leave the city? Maybe Mazelinka would know.

Dragging her heavy body to the kitchen to find food, she sniffed out a half-eaten loaf of bread on the table. Just before she placed a bite into her mouth, she heard a clatter and a soft thud downstairs. With her plundered breakfast in hand, she cautiously made her way down the stairs, glancing into the shop. At the front door, she saw Asra looking down disdainfully at a bundle of flowers wrapped in a scrap of parchment on the shop counter.

“Flowers?” she mumbled, the husky sound of sleep still in her voice. Asra sighed heavily, plucking a wolfsbane bloom from the bundle and rubbing the petals between his fingers roughly.

“Can’t ever manage the decency of a clean break, can you, Ilya?” he growled under his breath. “These were on the doorstep this morning. They’re for you.”

The apprentice made her way over to the counter and picked up the bouquet, holding them to her nose to deeply inhale their fragrance. She then remembered their detour into the abandoned flower garden, the luminescent flower he’d offered her, and his warning.

“Poison in these petals,” she muttered the words under her breath, reciting them from Julian’s teasing in the garden.

“Yeah, you’re right. Only the wolfsbane, though. Orange roses, maiden’s blush, scorpion grass, amethyst, eglantine, and it looks like some althea frutex, too,” Asra assessed. His eyes narrowed as he crushed the wolfsbane he’d stolen in his palm. “Ironic. His favorite. It’s the only one that’s toxic in this bouquet. Highly toxic. At least he got one thing right in his attempt at romantically letting you down easy. He’s toxic, alright. But the rest is…ugh, just more and more drama with him.” With a shake of his head, he dropped the wolfsbane to be trampled underfoot as he moved to the door, pulling his scarf up and placing his plumed hat on his head. “I’ll be back sooner or later. Try to forget about him. You’ll feel better if you do.” A shadow passed over his eyes with his advice, flexing the hand where the flower had been before he exited the shop.

The apprentice looked back into the soft and beautiful bouquet again once the door latched behind her master. Julian left these, then. But what was Asra talking about? Drama? How were flowers dramatic? If anything, they were sweet, even if she was upset to see evidence of his sneaky, momentary return without her knowledge. She placed the bouquet on the counter behind her, planning to come back to it after she reported to the Palace.

When she locked and latched the door of the shop behind her, she made her way to the palace, determined to find some hint of how to track Julian. Her stakes were higher now more than ever. On her walk to the palace, she caught herself glancing to the skies more than once, looking for the raven that always seemed to tail the doctor. If there was one thing Julian could do well, it was disappear into a crowd. She never understood how, considering his stature and flaming red hair. Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, she passed through the streets easily and soon was looking up at the palace walls. The guards at the castle gates seemed to jump at the sight of her, briskly moving aside to allow her entrance. She couldn’t resist the smirk that tugged at the corner of her mouth. The Countess’s punishment was not one they would forget quickly, she surmised. She took no time at all in hunting down Portia, who was attending to her morning duties as always.

“Oh! You’re here early! Did you need something?” she approached the apprentice with a wide smile.

“Could you get me back into the library, Portia? I think I might be onto something.” She wasn’t. Not really. But she had a hunch that she would be as soon as she could start searching Julian’s desk again. In just a day, she felt like she knew him so much more than she did before, which gave her more to work with when shuffling through the doctor’s past studies. Portia’s eyes glittered, excitement splitting her features.

“Yes, of course!” she shouted, then clamped her hand over her mouth, eyes darting around nervously. Keeping her tone at a lower volume, she looked back to the apprentice and grinned, offering a quick wink. “Follow me.”

Doing just that, the apprentice found herself once again in the dusty library. Her eyes wandered the shelves aimlessly as she made her way to Julian’s old desk. She picked up the folio from before, scanning the illegible pages for any kind of sign. To her growing distress, any hints she could have possibly gleaned from the pages were obscured by his sloppy penmanship. Perhaps he kept a journal of his findings somewhere? Something with diagrams or charts that she could understand?

Putting the folio back in its place, she lifted a stack of books from the floor, carefully pulling them from the gap between the wall and the desk. The binding of a faded ivory-covered tome caught her eye amongst the dark leather of the other books. She pulled it from the stack out of curiosity, smoothing her fingers over the gold leaf title.

“Floriography?” the apprentice grumbled, turning the book in her hands. Portia scampered over, pulling the tome from her hands.

“Ah! The language of flowers! Who knew such a fluffy and romantic kind of book was in here?” she giggled as she opened the cover, flicking through the pages.

“Language of…flowers?” the apprentice parroted, looking over Portia’s shoulder.

“Yeah, you know…you give a lily to someone if you want to tell them they’re beautiful and sweet. Red roses are for love. Scorpion grass’s meaning is so well-known, it’s often called by it: forget-me-nots. Maybe it is in here because they thought their meanings might tie into potential potions and cure use,” she rambled, pausing on a page of B-named flowers, where an inked star sat beside belladonna. As Portia scrubbed her thumb over the star with a thoughtful hum, the apprentice felt shock roll through her. Scorpion grass. Scorpion grass was in her bouquet this morning.

So that’s what Asra meant by dramatic.

“H-hey, do you think I could borrow that book?” the apprentice asked sheepishly before she could stop herself. Portia glanced up from the tome, eyes shifting uncomfortably. “I’ll bring it back as soon as I figure something out. It…it might help my investigations.”

Portia closed the tome with a snap and drummed her fingers on the cover in thought for a few moments. Placing it back down on the desk, she turned her back and started walking toward the entrance. “Everything looks perfectly in place in here, just as I thought,” she spoke as if she were speaking to herself, “guess I’ll go back out to the hall. Come out when you’re ready, okay?” With that, the false doors shut behind her. The apprentice grinned, mentally thanking Portia from the bottom of her heart. The ivory tome fit perfectly into her bag, allowing her to conceal it from those that didn’t know of her thievery. She exited the hidden library, telling Portia that she needed to do some thinking back at home. Although her expression was puzzled and concerned, she nodded and escorted the apprentice back to the gates.

The apprentice made her way through the streets, a woman on a mission. Her feet felt lighter, her mind clearer. Surely he left her something of significance hidden in those blossoms.

Back in the safety of her home, she found the bouquet where she’d left it. She carried it up to her kitchen table, placing the tome in front of her and the bouquet above it. She plucked a downy-soft orange rose from the bouquet, smoothing the drying edge between her fingers as she flipped the pages. In the R’s, there were several definitions for roses, broken into colors. Dragging a fingertip down the page, she stopped at orange.

“Passion and enthusiasm,” she murmured. Heat prickled at her ears as she remembered clearly the desperate movement of his mouth on hers at the docks. Yes, she knew of his passion and enthusiasm, and she certainly shared the same feelings. Her heart painfully squeezed in her chest again when the warm glow of her memory faded out. She gently placed the rose down, reaching in for a different flower.

This time, a five-petal blossom came out. It was a deep shade of purple with a white center. Amethyst, the apprentice determined. She flipped back to the start of the tome, finding amethyst on the first page.

“Admiration.” The word tumbled from her lips incredulously. She tried to think of what was admirable about her actions or her character, but came up short. She agreed to bring him in to the hangman’s noose, after all. It was the job awarded to her by the Countess, and surely he could find that much out. “Julian, what are you…?” she grumbled, hoping that something would act as an invitation. Something would mean “meet me at the usual place” or something. Of course, she was grasping desperately at something that wasn’t there. He was the one who left her. Why would he ask for her back?

She pulled out another stem, this one a long fluffy frond dotted with small blue flowers. Scorpion grass. She didn’t even need to find this one in the tome. Forget-me-nots. “Why am I not allowed to forget, Julian? Do you enjoy my pain as much as you enjoy your--.” She stopped herself before she could choke on a tiny bubble of a sob. “And besides, how could I possibly forget you?” the apprentice grumbled, frustration and hurt gurgling into her voice, the frustration bringing tears to her eyes.

Another plunge into the bouquet found another five-petal flower, but this one was larger and far more delicate than the amethyst. The petals were pink, crimson draining out from the center, where a long yellow stamen stood, like a weapon plunged into the center of the flower to start the red bleed. Althaea frutex. A specific hibiscus. The apprentice scanned the A’s again, finding it above the amethyst. Her throat burned, the unshed tears lingering from her frustration streaming down her cheeks and landing on the tome, spotting it darker in a couple places.

“Consumed by love. That isn’t fair,” she whimpered. “It was two days, one night, so why…” Her hand scrubbed at her eyes again. “Why do I feel the same way? It feels like…feels like I’ve known you forever, too, Ilya.” Her heart throbbed painfully at the name on her lips, the name that she never called him. He asked her to call him Julian, but everyone else knew him as someone else. Was this more of his defending her? Surely this flower showed her that she wasn’t just some tryst to him. She was pulled to him so strongly, it was almost as if she was suffering some curse. She couldn’t get away from him, her thoughts of him, his lingering smell on her clothes. She couldn’t escape any of it. But part of her didn’t want to escape.

Reaching again for another flower that she hadn’t felt yet, she pulled a fragile satin-petaled, rosy-colored flower. A circle of yellow stamens burst forth from the white center. Eglantine. She felt a wave of calm pass over her when the fragrance reached her, a scent like a crisp apple, yet herbal like one of her favorite teas. She held it close to her face, elbow perched on the table, while she flipped through the pages to find it. A lump formed in her throat, her finger following the meaning as her lip trembled again. Gods, she needed to either let herself cry or swallow it down. This start-and-stop emotional tide pool was too much. She inhaled deeply from the flower again, her jaw setting as she shoved down her tears. “I wound to heal,” she mumbled into the petals. “So you claim, Julian. Not that I ever had the chance to stop you.” She hissed out, unable to distinguish the line between her sorrow and anger anymore.

Pulling the last flower that she hadn’t yet analyzed, one that felt larger than the others, she looked down at its blushing pink petals, bunched in a crowded explosion of elegant folds. Another rose. A different rose. Maiden’s blush. She searched the rose section again, finding it just above orange.

“If you love me, you will find it out,” she gasped. Surely he didn’t mean that timidly, like the book described. He had no faith in himself or in his redemption, but this…he had faith in her. Even if he couldn’t forgive himself, she would find a way to forgive his sins for him. Either that, or she’d find a way for them to escape safely. She rubbed the velvet petals between her fingers, fighting the catch in her breath from the tears that wanted to escape again. This wasn’t an answer or a map. This was what he was feeling. He had said it himself: he’s selfish. He had to show her that he wasn’t intending to keep what he truly wanted, and that he’d decided it for her, on his own. That he wanted her, desperately, but at the time he loathed himself more than he loved her. Or he loathed himself just enough to stay away. But the last flower, the maiden’s blush. Was it an invitation to find him? To seek the truth and vindicate him? Surely not. But she’d be damned if she wasn’t going to try it anyway. She pulled a wolfsbane from the bouquet, now smaller with so many missing pieces, and twirled it by its stem.

She smiled down at the purple petals looking back at her, the sharp smell not horribly off-putting, even if it wasn’t necessarily pleasant. Asra had mentioned this being Julian’s favorite flower. Like a signature at the end of his mystery-flower love letter. Out of curiosity, she turned to the back of the tome, to the W’s, where wolfsbane was listed. Beneath it read one word: misanthropy. She scoffed, though lovingly, at its meaning. Nothing suited him better, it seemed. Contempt and distrust of the human race only made sense when you were accused and marked for a crime you couldn’t remember committing. But his inclusion of the flower in this bouquet…was it just a signature? Or was there something more? She remembered the words he’d spoken to her, calling her a light he always wanted to chase, saying she put him at ease. She could see the meaning now.

Despite his distrust of the human race, he loved her with passion and enthusiasm. He was consumed by love, by admiration. He feared her forgetting about him, and despite his contempt for the rest of the world, he believed in her. He believed in her ability to fight for him, with him. Even when he couldn’t extend the same courtesy for himself, he put so much faith in her.

His love letter was clear. And she was determined to deliver a reply.

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