#cause rn i feel like my mental state is close to how it was freshman year and i actually don't think ill make it if i end up back there | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hyunjins--laugh · 5 years

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How are you?

k so this is how my day has gone so far also fyi this is the second time is typed this out bc the first time I did it on tumblr and it glitched and I forgot to copy it to my phone so I lost the whole thing so I'm kinda mad about it tbh but like I'll do my best to recreate what I just typed --I had to wake up at five am today to ride a bus to my choir contest which isn't actually a contest its just you go and sing in front of a judge who gives you a score and then you can go home bada bing bada boom so I'm in this mixed double quartet and we ended up getting a one, which is the highest score and allows us to go to state. so we do that and we are all excited and happy and highfive a lot and stuff and these people are like a family to me so like yes I love them so then I end up riding back home with one of my best friends because my family actually couldn't end up going because they were visiting my moms older brother who just figured out he has a hard tumor in his sinus and yeah so we went to McDonald's and I slipped cause it was rainy and slick and basically skating has ruined the nerve system and feeling in my legs so it didnt hurt and I laughed it off even tho they were super worried about me right and then we got home and I finally changed into shorts and a shirt from the dress I had to wear all day and we spent idk how long chilling in her room I was on the floor rolling around and she was chilling on the bed and we had a good time and then her mom called her down to do something which ended up taking a while so I grabbed my cardigan (its soft and coffee colored and I love it and it has pockets and ahhhhhh) and I used it as a pillow and took a little nap on her bedroom floor yes it was comfortable and then soon after I woke up my family got back and picked me up and then we had a family feud at church and like I served chili and almost threw up and had a headache all night but still laughed and had fun and stuff and shoved my sister's face in a plate of peanut butter for a minute to win it game they did and it was good and then we cleaned up everything and I cleaned tables and whatnot and we got home and I'm taking off the makeup my mom made me wear to contest and so I'm chilling in my room and my best friend in the universe texts me congrats on making it to state and then she vents to me about her asshat of a dad and like she accidentally left the cardboard on the frozen pizza causing it to get soggy and so he threw it all over the kitchen and totally overreacted and basically told her she couldn't go to our team skating practice which is tomorrow and its mandatory and he also made her mom cry and stuff so this was kinda a huge deal and then so he went and sulked in their basement while they (her, her mom, and her little sister) talked and did a face mask and stuff and lemme tell you a bit about her dad... oh man dont even get me started. he overlooks my friend cause her little sister is a very talented skater and has been doing it for waaaayyyy longer than my friend, so he always looks at the younger and never really sees how much work and effort she puts in even when isnt as good as her little sister so he overlooks her and harps on her a lot and generally causes her very much stress so yeah and hes generally a kind of aggressive person like I know he loves her but also he's very tough on her Mentally like he doesn't even go to our competitions or watch videos or anything and so yeah I'm just generally worried about her mental state RN and then plus I've been feeling like I wanna cry for a few weeks now but I'm not a cry person, I only cry when I'm really really angry or frustrated, or during sad movies but that doesnt count but so like idk how to release all my emtions and stuff sk im also wary about my mental state and just generally speaking I'm having a very tough time plus school is so so much work and I want to be out of high school and fine with this shit and I'm only a freshman cause I missed three days worth of logarithyms nfoted from having the flu and idk whats going on plus we had two lengthy assignments due in health idk how to do plus an essay in english and civics due all on monday jut i have to get up early and sing on band for church and then I have s skating private lesson I have to go to and then I have a three to four hour long synchro practice with one of my coaches who is passive aggressive and I do not much well with him and so I don't have time to finish my hw in time before when it's due monday and I'm just gonna explode one day PLUS I'm lonely and kinda want a bf but not one that's just cute like one k can be myself with and laugh and cry and hug always and hold hands and be comfortable with and I want someone to love me like that cause ive never been told that someone liked me or wanted to date me before ever in my life and that does something for a person's confidence and I'm just slowly losing motivation to even do anything

so that was yesterday, get ready for today...actually today was a bit better and i got tired of typing so its pretty short

I woke up at 6 am and went to 8 am worship practice (I woke up at six cause my dad had to be there early to set up the stage and tech booth and mics and stuff, he does that for my church) and then so I had to sing and then after church we went to lunch with some close family friends and then I had a private lesson at the ice rink so I got there a little early and ended up tripping and falling really hard on my left buttock, so it hurt to skate and stuff and I had a half hour private lesson before I had a three hour team practice and I got frustrated and was in pain and I'm tired and still stressed about school and I just need a break from everything

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