#cannot believe Doom Them watched that unfold live and STILL wanted to date me afterwards lmao

[blackbird-brewster]

So i have a crush on my super hot, very gay boss, but that can't and won't happen. Like she has a gf and i have a gf and i'm happy with my gf. At least mostly. And i don't want to ruin any of this or jeopardize my carreer. But like... How do i handle all those emotions when all my ADHD brain wants is to hyperfocus on her? Like i know ppl think this is weird when you're kinda obsessed with a person and i don't want her to think i'm weird... ugh...

Hi anon! I saw this on the go the other day but only just remembered to reply now that I'm on the laptop.

Boy, oh boy, do I understand this feeling!!! I'm so glad you sought me out as your chosen agony uncle on this one.

My simple answer is: it's just gonna be weird for a while, and you just have to wait it out. Which I *know* sucks!!! I've been there multiple times, it HURTS and it sucks because in that situation, you just have to suffer alone until the hyperfocus beast releases you.

I'd never actually thought about this feeling as being hyperfocus until now, so THANK YOU for opening my eyes to something that's SO obvious. (I'm also ADHD + Autistic and this viewpoint just helped me grant myself forgiveness for old crushes!)

I once became hyper-focus obsessed with my manager too, except she was a cishet married woman. When we were drunk once (small place, there were ten of us total, we always hung out) she told me how the same night she met her husband (they were teenage sweethearts) -- she'd slept with her best friend. Drunk teenage party, she hooked up with her best friend. Classic tale.

I, a Known Homosexual, thought 'holy shit -- she's like...actually some flavour of queer?!'. I already had a crush on her, mostly from a 'Hun, your husband is so bland and I could do you so much better.' sort of way. But once I heard she'd slept with her best friend, I was like 'oh god -- this could actually be A Thing!!!!'

I was so utterly obsessed with her, to BEYOND an embarrassing way, thought I was fully in love with her. I analysed every single moment of conversation, searching for subtext, and assigning my own to further my hyperfocus. It was a very wild handful of months. (My partner was still only my bff at the time, and they had to watch all of this unfold while cringing at me -- and yet, they still got together with me after!)

So basically, this went on for AGES. It was literally agony to go to work, bc I was so obsessed with this woman and I was fully convinced she had SOME type of feelings for me. She HAD to, after all these micro-convos and looks and whatever else I assigned meaning to --

She ended up quitting her job, me and another queer co-worker took her out drinking in celebration. That night the three of us got to talking about sexuality, because other co-worker was in her first queer relationship and hadn't previously identified as queer up until then -- and I was like 'Well (manager), you've slept with a woman. You're part of the club!" and she was like "Uhhhh, WHAT?????" and I said "Your best friend! The night you met (husband!)"

Yeah -- she slept with her MALE best friend.

And just like that -- my hyperfocus lifted and I went 'Oh god, I've been so obsessed with this woman and she's just like sooooo str8.'

Different from you when the person in question is actually queer -- but, I guess what I'm saying is -- there will eventually come a time when the hyperfixation lifts just as quickly as it set in and until then, just try and keep your chin up and ride it out.

My ask box is always open if you want to vent about it -- I know how hard this situation is when you don't have anyone to talk to about it. Love you Anon, sorry you're in the thick of it right now. It will get better <3

#anon #reply post #about me 2k23 #lord that was A Weird Time for me #cannot believe Doom Them watched that unfold live and STILL wanted to date me afterwards lmao #Code name jupiter #hot boss saga