#but yeah it was..weird; and not rlly in a good way | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pbpsbff · 2 days

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happy 1 year of r&r :)

i know it's a lil cringe to like. celebrate the birthday of a series on ao3 but r&r is literally my child. my baby. i birthed this series. and you all signed up for this when u started reading my fics thank u

soooooooo thank u guys for all the support i've received over r&r i know it's hard to stay a consistent reader when my posting schedule is entirely non existent but i am so grateful for everyone who's stuck around this long and been with me for this journey (calling it a journey because a year ago i did not have any sort of overarching plot in mind and now we're 17? 18? fics deep and so many things have happened and i'm usually just as surprised as my readers) it's rlly u guys that have kept me going this long

ANYWAY. i rewrote this like 500 times cause i hate being like. overly sappy on this account because it's way funnier to act like a celebrity with a huge ego, but real talk i am so proud of everything i've done w this series & what it's become in the past year

i've been posting my writing online since i was like 10, so we're going on almost 9 years now and i don't think i've ever ever ever received as much support for something as i have for r&r and something about that is soooo special to me??? idk it's just so nice to see a completely self indulgent series become so loved by others, especially since the only other fics i had up before gmm&m were a little more on the "i'm gonna write what seems popular right now" side???

like shoutout to everyone who was here before/around when i started the series because my account was so empty like. 2 fics and one gets updated every 6 months. r&r pulled me out of the trench i fear. it also cured me of my very horrible disease that makes me delete all my fics after 9 months and then completely disappear from a fandom so everyone say thank you r&r

but yeah idk where i'm going with this i'm very grateful for r&r and all the friends i've made and people i've met through it because i was very lonely before i rejoined tumblr and r&r was like. 90% of the reason i made my account

AND SPEAKING OF FRIENDS. thank u to

@spidergrotto & @sapoteylx for being the first ppl i met on here to openly talk about and support r&r which i thought was so so cool even if you guys have become my haters in the past few months i've known you :/ thank u r&r nation u keep me humble and miserable (and i am very thankful for our friendship i think some aspects of r&r would be very different if we'd never met)

& ao3 user classactical because you've been here since like. a month or two into the series i think and i always always always look forward to your comments because i feel like if you comment, i did a good job on the fic LOL thank u for sticking around for so long, even if ao3 has been actively working against you for a whiiiiile

there's a lot more i want to say and a lot of people i want to mention but that would take a very long time and i always feel weird tagging a lot of people in posts so just know if u read r&r we are kissing rn. or high fiving idk whatever floats ur boat i guess

but yeah anyway tl:dr happy birthday r&r i'm very proud of this series & very thankful for everyone who has read any part of it ever u guys are so cool and hot and have amazing taste and i'm taking your kudos and bookmarks etc. as you swearing your allegiance to me and promising me your undying support no matter what (legally binding btw) thank u guys

#r&r tease #ough i cannot believe r&r is a year old #happy birthday r&r you are my favorite child #gonna go post that fic now #or in like 10 minutes #idk i haven't edited anything #stay tuned

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wendytestabrat · 3 days

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Should Kyman be canonized or just kept the way things are with their weird relationship? XD

ok this is a rlly good question. i personally would love to see it canon bc i have absolutely no life and i ship two animated 4th graders together but i acknowledge the fact that the majority of south park fans don’t give a shit abt ships and only watch the show for the comedy LOL. so yeah i can see how them making kyman canon would piss off A LOT of people or ruin the show for them (and canonizing pretty much any ship between the four boys) so if it doesn’t happen it’s not the end of the world for me. however, i do feel like there are some things they could do to make kyman happen that would be satisfying for ALL the fans so it won’t seem like something that comes completely out of nowhere. first of all south park is a COMEDY and i’ve talked abt betore how kyman works 100x better than any other fanon ship bc it’s funny af and works with the tone of the show. so yeah they would rlly have to crank up the comedy on it to the max so it’s not something that’s taken too seriously. i mean i do feel they should give us serious moments of C&K here and there to show some character growth and development between the two characters and their bond, but yeah the primary focus of a sitcom is to be funny with only occasional serious/emotional moments here and there. BUT ALSO i feel like matt & trey would need to amp up the obviousness in the hints we’re getting. even tho the kyman shit seems rlly obvious to the testies bc we’ve overly dissected it, i feel like most people don’t notice this shit bc the hints are so damn subtle lol. even tho there are some people who have said that people they know irl who are just casual viewers notice the kyman shit but i feel like the majority of people don’t care and aren’t looking too much into it. bc yeah if matt & trey make it more clear that kyman is a thing and cartman and kyle like each other and continue giving us hints and foreshadowing, except this time they make it more noticeable among casual fans, then i feel like more people might root for it and it’ll feel earned when it does happen. i feel like it would need to be more like the gay hints abt stewie in family guy which are soooo obvious to literally everyone it’s just a known canon fact at this point that stewie is gay LOL (and there’s even compilations on youtube of it). however, the gay shit with cartman is def more debatable and more subtle so a lot of people don’t notice or care. so yeah i think if they’re rlly serious abt making kyman canon matt & trey need to stop pussying around and make it a little more clear and tackle it head on. the show def has done a good job developing their relationship throughout the years and the ship gets more and more intense each season, so yeah all they need to do is keep up the good work with that while sprinkling in a little more gayness and cranking up the obviousness and intensity of their romantic tension.

#south park #kyman #KYMANRANTGARBAGE

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trixstriforce · 9 months

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botw was a good story about coping w/ tragedy, the dangers of expectations and pedestals, and how to live after disaster

totk could have been such a good story about generational trauma, coming to terms w/ grief, and how to really on others after a life time of being alone but it just...wasnt. it had so much potential to build on the themes of botw and give a good thematic close to zelda and link's archs and it set all that up but just...did not

#loz #tears of the kingdom #man its jsut! everybody and their mother knows the game was disappointing #but ti had SO MUCH POTENTIAL it set up some rlly good stuff but just left it there #zelda and link both were in opposite positions!!! zelda was finally in a supportive environment and leaning how to be confident #only to have that support system ripped away and be forced to lose her fmaily AGAIN #link was self isloating chasing the barest rumor of zelda focused on HER. in botw he barely thought about her but in totk?#in totk most quests were focused on that quest or improving hyrule in some way #he slowly is building a support system even as he self isolates as hyrule comes together as a community and link SHOULD have learned to rel #more on those around him who also missed zelda and wanted to help. they set that shit up. but he didnt!!!#he was alone in a crowd! and zelda was vindicated in her belief that she can only help those around her through sacrifice #and that her own abilities were rlly not important compared to link which is A WEIRD FUCKING MOVE NINTENDO MADE #erm anyway yeah waitng for the totk rewrite fic to drop and give me everything i need and more #trix posts

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infizero · 8 months

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every time i so much as think about that scene where light looks at porn magazines while scowling i go into hysterics its genuinely the funniest thing i've ever seen

#the funniest thing is is that i truly believe he thought he was being 100% convincing. that that's normal behavior for a completely straight #completely allosexual man #light is fucking awful and i hate him but also there's nuance to him. and sometimes i can get a little like. oh thinking about his life #before the series. specifically factoring in my headcanons about him being gay aroace and autistic and stuff. ppl have written some rlly #good fics surrounding those topics.... but yeah thats not even canon stuff but i dont care #anyways its not in a way of making excuses for how he is i just think it adds more to his character #hes total garbage but i think theres really interesting stuff with him when it comes to how he's.... VERY disconnected from others #just in general. he's like aware of how to act ''normal'' on like the most textbook surface level without being like. Aware enough to #be able to make it more convincing. and as ridiculous as it is i do see some of myself in him in that sense #also that person who said light and L is just autistic guy who's been masking his entire life vs autistic guy who's never masked in his #entire life. LITERALLY EXACTLY. genuinely perfect way to describe them they are both so similar when it comes to this #but the ways they go about it are very different. light has been playing the part of the perfect son his whole life. L doesnt try to change #himself for anyone and doesnt care when people think hes weird. both of them arent very socially aware and havent had any real friends #their whole lives. its such a fascinating parallel between them #i could go on a whole fucking thing about how light was pretending to be someone he's not around his family and at school and everything #long before he got the death note BUT. i wont. at least not right now #jesus christ how did i go from laughing about him with the magazine to this. my bad #derailed my own damn post. idk swagever #will say rq tho. watched a vid on youtube that pointed out how light expected his family to think nothing of the fact that he's gone to #such drastic measures to hide his diary when making the plan with hiding the death note which is like #that level of dedication would NOT be normal. so the fact that light expects his family to think nothing of it......#i mean you could read that as light just once again being socially unaware. but it could also imply that light's family kind of Knows #he's hiding something and just doesn't address it. (he's gay. im talking about him being gay)#the video also referenced this comic that i didnt rb cause the actual premise of it (lawlight wedding) is um.#not at all my kind of thing. BUT it was light describing himself as a house with a basement when his family sees him as a one story house #and i thought that was such a cool analogy #ANYWAYYYSSSS i need to go to bed. thanks if you read my ramblings #serena.txt #death note posting

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pepperpixel · 7 months

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Hello! I watched your speedpaints on repeat when I was in middle school (like 6 years ago) and sometimes still go back and watch them for the sake of nostalgia and good music. I just wanted to let you know you’ve touched my life and left a print, thank you 🤍

Thank you. So so much. For sending me this??? The me who made all those youtube videos. Doesn’t exist anymore. Life got harder. In so many new and horrible ways. And that like. Spark to create kinda died. And also I had more important shit to worry about all of a sudden. But. Knowing that it left on impact on someone enough to send me a message. Years after I’ve stopped making them tho. Idk.. that means something.. I appreciate you didn’t forget about me! (/my videos lol. I kno u don’t kno me. My vids and art feel a bit like. An extension of me tho? In a way. But I kno that it’s not a 1:1 thing. My art an videos express thoughts ideas and feelings of mine. But they are not. Me. Just lil slivers of me.. Tiny lil portions from specific moments in time.)

Sometimes it feels like those videos were just a flash in the pan. A brief moment of attention and fame I didn’t grab onto hard enough… and now the moments long gone. but. I didn’t rlly want to grab onto it, I just wanted to make fun videos. And show off my music taste lol. And express. The music videos my brain would create in my head into the real world. And then I got too busy w real life kicking my ass. (Ps. life has now stopped kicking my ass!! It’s gotten better. Just. Not the same as it was before) Maybe I’ll get back into it one day. If I have any new ideas. Once I get stable and know what I’m doing. And get like an iPad or something so I don’t have to wrangle w my laptop lol. But yeah!!! Srry.. I’m rambling a lot.. this message just made me emotional ok! I’m being openly vulnerable in turn hopefully that’s not too weird lol. I’m happy my videos had an impact on your life!! That means. A fucking ton. Like. Words cannot properly express the weird happy feeling that gives me in my heart. Thank you so much!! For real!!! Srry for getting all in depth about my life again this message just!!! Struck an introspective chord w me!!!

#like.. god damn #I guess it’s like… when I think about back then. and now. it’s weird. it’s so so weird #but this rlly! made me really happy to read!!! Srry if my reply is inarticulate or weird I’m bad at words and this is like a complicated #emotion to express without getting way too sappy and introspective and vulnerable #so I gave up on not being sappy and introspective and vulnerable to try and express it!#but I probably still didn��t do it 100% properly lol. hopefully u get the idea tho!#so yeah. thank u lol #I hope u have a good life dude! from: the guy who made those vids u liked…#time and life are so weird.. I hope we all get to have good life’s. u ask person #me. anybody reading my tags. anybody not reading my tags. idk!!! I just hope shit goes well! and we can get thru the bad times!#and have a good time. bein alive. to the best of our abilities…#ok. I’m gonna shut up now. this has gotten sappy and emotional enough ghghg #thank u.. again… Srry for goin off in weird tangents my brain just felt compelled #I have comfort nostalgia vids I like watching too. that just. mean a lot to me. I’m happy. that my videos can give u that feeling!#assks #sorry that’s my tag for. responding to asks. I promise I’m not calling u an ass #idk why I made that my tag ghgh- lil me was fuckin stupid lol #I say that w affection but I def was ghg. ok now for real for real shutting up! thank u again!

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bo0zey · 1 year

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anyone else ever get in those silly goofy moods where u just hate urself sooo much that u instantly feel physically almost violently ill just thinking abt urself and also even tho u worked a 12hr shift w no breaks or water running off of the 2 cups of coffee u had for breakfast 20 hours ago, the thought of eating instantly sends bouts of nausea coursing thru ur soul while churning in ur stomach bc ur brain hates u so much that its convinced ur body that u don’t deserve sustenance or anything else that’s life sustaining or promotes ur physical well being because u subconsciously convinced urself that ur such a shit excuse for a human being that u neither deserve nor have any right to anything regarding maslow’s hierarchy of needs bc u r such an awful thing u deserve to be neglected n treated like the nonliving object ur own brain sees ur living body as or am i just mentally ill lol

#laying in bed everytime i think abt myself i feel literally nauseated n like it’s so weird #this feeling comes in waves intermittently just even .01 sec of ‘hm i’m hungry’ FFFFFNOPE HRRGRHFFF VOMITTY #i want to curl up in a ball and die forever i don’t care about me i don’t want to take care of me anymore i’m not even good at it #whyyyyyyyy did i stop taking my meddsssssss i guarantee y’all this is why i’m being such a crybaby on the dash lmaoooo #i have a headache i’m def dehydrated from crying n sniveling n barely drinking any water today while sweating like a mf at work #imma go to bed 🛌 if i don’t wake up i will be soooo pleasantly surprised y’all have no idea FINGERS CROSSED🤞#real talk tho can someone tell me why my body is literally reacting this way for like no real reason #like am i truly that disgusted with myself i make myself nauseous just thinking abt me #ok yeah the answer is yes lol BUT LIKE WHY THATS SUCH A DRAMATIC BODILY RESPONSE TO MY BRAINS DUMBASS THOUGHTS???#ik the body and mind have a super powerful link n the brain influences the body like crazy but like #why this why does my brain literally want me to berate and degrade myself and isolate me and make me cry alone n starve me that’s so mean #i’m not starving btw i’m literally always eating just these past 2 days i’ve been such a fuckup my body won’t let me do anything #i had a chocolate poptart for dinner last night (thurs) n threw myself to bed #i hope i don’t end up hurting myself that would be so lame #i literally don’t have time for that like i am Not doing wound care duty off the clock for my damn self lol #also don’t want to take care of myself so i wouldn’t bandage myself up properly sooo yeah i’m not gonna do anything actually #cleaning ur wounds r super important ok yall ur literally playing god if u don’t do good aftercare snfjfbdj #i can’t believe i’m in this nasty ugly depressive episode i hate this so much i don’t have time for this i hate this cycle #i hate being bipolar 2 n my moods n meds have been so fkcdd up lately that i don’t even have the rlly fun hypomanic episodes anymore #i’ve just been constantly having mixed episodes im unbearable to be around im so sorry for everyone that’s ever spoken to me im insufferable #ok that’s enough im done being dramatic lmao #im gonna give myself a bolus PRN dose of clonnie then i’m going tf to bed #ramblings #shut up cianna

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exopelagic · 3 months

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honk shoo.

#but yeah sleepy.#i have so much to do these next few days I’m gonna die #meanwhile I just wanna see my friends #the good thing is that some of the busy things involve seeing my friends but goddamn why are almost all of them hard #also YES I’m going to be dumb and gay again bc a) why shouldn’t I b) nobody can stop me #I’m being dumb and gay again.#now seen The Guy twice since I’ve been back and he’s very cool #still feel like I’m being insane god idk what I’m doing #I hope he comes tomorrow bc he can’t make the meeting which means he won’t be on committee which sucks bc he did want to #OH but I did mean to tell him there was one role he could go for and have a good shot at that I think he’d be good for #only problem is if he doesn’t come tomorrow I can’t tell him in time bc I don’t have any way to message him other than email #(which feels slightly creepy bc I only know it bc secretary and he’s never explicitly said his surname so it’s just inferred from the list)#idk. the thing that gets me is we are very much friends now. like early stages of friends but we keep talking at hockey #and importantly he keeps coming To Me which keeps surprising me bc he does it more than any of my other friends #but I guess I’m also coming to him kinda a lot too. self awareness falls when around cute boy you get how it is #god it’s so unfair why is he like this #I finished getting my skates off before he did yesterday which gave me a very good opportunity to Look while he was talking #and have it not be weird and he’s just very pretty. he’s got a rlly nice nose #i always feel insane pointing out noses it’s the Draw speaking bc I use noses as a focal point and they’re fun to draw #tbh it’s unlikely I will say someone does Not have a nice nose but idk let me have this. it would be fun to draw is maybe what I mean #and I hadn’t noticed before bc the like bridge? and uhh like. base? idk nose words but they don’t match #the bridge is super long and on the thin side w a bump like mine but the like bottom is much rounder and wider and I don’t see that mix much #he also just has rlly nice hair it’s super curly and he’s in that like weird light brown purgatory where it’s all different colours #like it’s mostly light brown but some bits look rlly dark and some especially at the ends is like almost blonde and it changes w the light #god he also keeps doing this dumb fucking thing where he’s trying to skate while squatting all the way and it’s ridiculous #he looks like a spider folding in on itself and the worst part is he can fucking do it #he’s gotten so good at skating recently and I have a feeling he lives somewhere with an ice rink bc I’m sure he’s better than he was novembr #yeah I also got to just stand and watch him play yesterday and it’s so incredibly horribly unfair #anyway I’m too fucking gay and I will not let him escape me again tomorrow I Will get his instagram or smth bc I swear this man #luke.txt

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bonetrousledbones · 1 year

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tbh i miss when this fandom was just really fucking weird

#delete later if my brain decides this was a bad post lmao #but look listen i dont mean weird in like the Problematic Way i mean fucking weird in the sheer amount of AUs way #YEAH ppl look back on it and cringe and for good reason and YEAH there was a lot of wildly out of character takes running rampant BUT.#man it was so . goddamn fun ok #i could very well be wearing the Nostalgia Glasses but it is rlly strange seeing how much we've mellowed out since then #i rarely see characters kissing the evil versions of themselves anymore it breaka my heart #(granted that could be thriving in other places i wouldn't know lol i only use tumblr for fandom shit)#it just makes me think like. if we didnt get so crazy with the AUs i never would have made atbb #and therefore also would most likely not have the ocs and personal story i'm working on for myself #and also maybe i would have improved at a slower rate with my drawing & writing. hell maybe i wouldn't have fed those interests much at all #im rambling at this point its just. i am in a sentimental mood for cringe rn dont look at me <3

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aroaceofthesea · 1 year

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Okay so i havent completely come to terms with it yet but WE WON THE HP CODEWARS (a coding competition in teams) AND WERE ACTUALLY GOING TO HOUSTON TO COMPETE IN NEXT YEAR'S COMPETITION WHAT

#what what what #what the fuck #(only adding the pic of me alone bc im too lazy to ask my friends for permission lol)#no but really what #like we knew we had options to make podium but no way we were going to win #we didnt even rlly believe we would actually make podium before starting bc there were some rlly good teams #(we kinda know everyone good so that was easy to spot)#and then after the competition we were like huh we did pretty badly we think #then we thought again and compared with last year and we said huh maybe not suuuuper bad but not rlly good either #(last year it was online and you could have a computer per person but this year it was only one so it was rlly different)#amd then we talked with the ppl that we knew and we were like huh were the best so far #then they talked to like everyone good bc they literally know everyone and they were like congraats youre 99% sure winning #and we were like naaaaah impossible you probably missed someone or smth theres no way #like we were pretty sure we were gonna be making podium by then but we somehow didnt even fully believe it #and then at the awards ceremony they gave the first girl team prize to someone else with less points and we were like aaaaa we made podium #and then they announced the third position we literally screamed bc since we knew ppls points we knew it meant we were first #i almost cried istg #like being 2nd or 3rd or 4th or first girl is like yeah im good but im not the best but like being THE best? being first is scary #it feels fake and confusing but also im so happy and i dont know how to express it aaaaaa its so weird #and the fact that were going to HOUSTON next year? what the actual fuuuck feels impossible #like were going to go there? a prize that is only for the first group? rlly? just like that?? whaaaat #also now hp has our data (we obv gave it to them) and they will likely be happy to accept us to work and/or get internships there so yayyy #but im still not over any of this it rlly feels fake like what the fuck one of the important hp research facilities asked for MY email??#what the fuuuuuuuck #also unrelated but they just had a paper mache how to train your dragon dragon just there in the corner of a football field like whaat #(a dragon that was bigger than us not some cute little figure eeh)#mine #life #codewars

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callilouv · 1 year

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idk if i rlly am unable to feel intense hate for something or i conditioned myself into thinking that hating soemthing makes me even more of a bad person so i refuse to feel such things HMMM

#cw rant #ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ idle chit chat #IDK❕i was always known as that one really caring and generous big sister #and whenever i express that i am upset i always get told 'why are you being like that?' and idk . perhaps ive been too nice to people #ALSO WHEn I RANT ABT STUFF LIKE THIS IM NOT LIKE . SAD ABT IT .#i just genuinely wonder hawuhhebfil #but yeah i think the emotional invalidation that i grew up with fucked me up like that LMAO #ngl i dont rlly even feel VERY strongly abt anything???#i know that my posts here on tumblr r very like yk energetic and BAM BAM but when it comes to irl i just . dont hklwhjr #gosh i am the exact opposite of my online self its so weird #thinking back on it though my childhood rlly shaped me into who i am today in maybe not so very good ways huhu #my childhood was pretty good though . it could be way way worse but there were very miniscule things that rlly impacted the way i behave😭#like 4 example the expectations set on me as a child was ABSURDLY high .#and everybody always praised me and stuff and i was so goddamn afraid of disappointing my family that i fainted on my desk while doing hw at #10 yrs old . yeah . JUST 10 YRS OLD #fainted due to overworking hawjgvhfk #also i was going to like . 2 schools at the time so like the stress was doubled hahahah darkest time of my life fr #ngl i like being my own therapist a lot and psychoanalyzing myself and my own thoughts🔎#its pretty interesting. the way i think ;0

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latinokaeya-moving · 2 years

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i wuv ganyu so much even if the game has done nothing but make her entire personality overworked ‘waifu’ (😵‍💫) that only worries abt her weight but like the potential is There i can taste it and i am obsessed w it even if her outfit is so godawfully ugly. why did they have to do that to her