#but ltg obviously won't give up his name and success. he wanted an imperial name but now that he got it the avenue has opened up

[astarlightmonbebe]

it's easy to read the situation between li tongguang, ruyi, and yuanzhou as a love triangle on a superficial level, but looking even one step further, it's clear that there's no triangle about it. li tongguang is obsessed with ren xin; ning yuanzhou is devoted to ren ruyi. ltg's obsession is fervent and all consuming, but it's not devotion. like ruyi herself notes, his feelings to her are on the basis of her as a mother figure in his life, as a replacement for what he never received from his mother. is there an element of romantic/sexual love/desire to it? maybe. more likely he's deluded himself into thinking that, because the truth is, it's doubtful that ltg even understands what love is (platonic, filial, familial, romantic, all of the above, etc), because he has no basis for understanding. ruyi's teachings and actions towards him are the closest thing he has to hold up as an example. what he wants is ren xin, is a replica of the master he had. he doesn't want ruyi, because he doesn't actually care about ruyi. therefore, he doesn't care if she's sad, angry, mad; he just can't bear her 'abandoning' him. we saw this way back when she first meet and left him, both at thirteen and seventeen. although he distrusts her first, she saves his life and cares for him in the way no one else has, hence her first being raised on a platform in his mind. when she leaves for good, ending their master-disciple relationship/training, even though it's for official business and she's not abandoning him, in his mind that's exactly what it is. so now that she's in his life again, he won't let her leave again. he was powerless before, a child with no proper name, but now he's a recognized member of the imperial family, a man who can meet her as 'equals' (even when that's far from the truth). as a child, he could only cling to her legs and beg her, but now he has the power to keep her by his side. it's telling that when he finally gets confirmation of her identity, it's not ning yuanzhou he seeks to harm (even though he detests him and their relationship), but yang ying. yang ying is ruyi's new disciple, and as ltg doesn't know she's a woman, he only sees her as his direct replacement.

ning yuanzhou, on the other hand, is devoted to ruyi. he wants to build a new life and future with her, instead of slotting her into a spot in the life he already has. he's someone who accompanies her on walks and makes her midnight snacks, who holds her when she needs to be held and lets her go when she needs to do things on her own. when she speaks her mind, he listens, even when it makes him discontent/it's not what he wanted/wants to hear. he sees her unabashedly as his equal, and though he acknowledges her skills and abilities, or points out her naivety, he never does it to belittle her; to him, she is his peer, deserving of the highest honor and respect. he trusts her to have his back, and she has come to trust him to have her. he did what she might have thought no man would ever do: he proved himself reliable, so she came to rely on him. yuanzhou gives her freedom and autonomy as both ren ruyi and ren xin. of course they run into problems, but they both learn and grow from them, as individuals and as a couple. yuanzhou's belief in her is unwavering, but adaptable, whereas ltg's is unwavering, but frozen in time, disallowing for any new information to be presented. yuanzhou works with ruyi to accept the changes thrown her way; he seeks the core behind her actions in order to better understand her. li tongguang cannot accept the changes in ruyi's character, because they run contrary to the master he has on a pedestal in his mind.

what li tongguang wants is to return to the past, but yuanzhou offers ruyi the promise of a future, even one that might never come to fruition. there's no triangle about it.

#star stumbles #my thoughts #a journey to love #一念关山 #cdrama #written right after watching ep 26 #hope i explained it well #honestly i have a lot more thoughts about this ep and ruyi/ltg but that's still a separate post that will happen. well sometime #maybe after ep 32 idk #it's just the juxtaposition between entering a room that is a shrine to the person she is trying to leave behind #and going home to a man who makes her wonton soup and accompanies her on her revenge journey #who offers his own insights and thoughts but lets her lead the way when it comes down to it. #he gives her ultimate control over her own journey. and ruyi who has never had that freedom of course is drawn to him #oh and one more point that didn't make it in #ruyi's confrontation about how ltg is unwilling to give up his power and success is further proof of his obsession =/= love or devotion #it's not that ning yuanzhou WOULD necessarily give up those things if she asked him to #but he would respect her enough to let her go if he knew he was unwilling to give up his position #of course nyz right now is someone who is planning on retiring and living a quiet life away from it all #which is appealing to ruyi #but ltg obviously won't give up his name and success. he wanted an imperial name but now that he got it the avenue has opened up #we saw his big dreams early on in eps 4-5 (before the character butchery...though i can't really call it that since it makes sense #but still drives me insane) #and of course he won't! for a neglected illegitimate child with no power even gaining a sliver of it is just the beginning #and ruyi is honestly so far from the court in that she might have been close with empress zhaojie #but her understanding of the court is very ignorant. not in a bad way but she was a weapon so of course she didn't have to understand that #she just struck when told to. the power games of the court are basic knowledge but they still shock and confuse her #so it's also a thing about living two different lives and different paths #even though yuanzhou and her are on different ones theirs are still compatible #at this point in their lives. as they said earlier if they had met earlier they probably would be trying to kill each other