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endymionstudies · 4 years

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can i ask your advice on how to keep social relationships (friendship/romance) going during a social isolation period! obv i know everyone is struggling w this rn, but i would love to hear your thoughts even if you don't have any advice. :)

this is definitely probably the single thing ive struggled with the most since starting this. im an ambivert, so within my groups i am extremely social, and im very contact oriented, so being isolated is lowkey destroying me. i live with my grandmother and our cat so im not alone-alone, but she’s not a great social partner, unfortunately.

for both friendship and romance: it’s all about the communication between you and them. you should already have comfortable communication and being able to vocalize your needs, especially with a romantic partner. my bf isn’t great with it, but he knows how much being able to hear him means to me, so especially now, he makes an extra effort to be social with me. so:

talk to them. use facetime, or zoom, or discord, or whatever else. keep group chats running. just knowing someone else is on the other end takes a lot of the pressures of isolation off of you. it’s why ive been so active on tumblr/discord lately, because those are my main sources of socialization.

video chat or call. texting is dry, and can sometimes make you feel too alone because of the lack of noise another person creates. my house doesnt have a lot of ambient noise from people (only the tv and the birds/frogs outside), so it gets really quiet and lonely here sometimes. my bf knows this, so oftentimes if he’s not actively doing something or his parents arent busy and need quiet, he’ll call me on facetime just so we can sit on the call together. we dont have to talk, but especially for me, just being able to hear him shift around or the clicking of his video game remotes is really comforting and reminds me that even though he’s not physically touchable, there’s still someone here next to me.

discover new communities. branch out! if you only run in one or two circles, you’ll end up feeling isolated within them. if youre picking up a new hobby (which i greatly encourage), join some groups for that! tumblr is really good about having micro communities for stuff like cooking, crafts, books, games, tv shows, whatever else. you’ll make new friends pretty easily, and have something to do! you can also find other groups through platforms like twitter or reddit.

make a point of checking in on your friends/family. i try and reach out to every single group im in every day, not only for my own socialization, but for everyone else too. we’re all struggling, and it makes a difference to know that someone is invested in your wellbeing. keep up with everyone and how theyre doing. everyone needs to know theyre remembered right now.

play games together. if you have games with multiplayer functions, make a point of meeting up with others to play together! its a great form of proxy socialization. my friends and i are trying to set up a minecraft server so we can hang out together and do something. if its single player, you can call and play it side by side! my roommate and i are both playing the 100 baby challenge for the sims, and so every now and then we’ll call and update each other on how our sims are doing, and who’s farther ahead in the challenge.

help out where you can. if you have the availability and the ability, help out in your local community. a lot of elderly and vulnerable people are very scared right now, and doing things like volunteering for grocery or medical shopping/delivery, or donating blood (there is currently an +extreme shortage to national and regional blood banks). if you belong to a religious organization or other such community that is doing check in/social calls to the elderly, consider offering your support. it’s good for you and for them.

remember that it’s okay to be lonely. this is very, very hard for people. we dont know how this will change. if you can stabilize yourself now and acclimate to your situation, preparing yourself for the long term, it will make things much easier in the long run. don’t lose hope. don’t cut yourself off. take care of yourself, and take care of others. reach out. we’re going to be fine! my inbox is always open if anyone ever needs a friend or just someone to talk with. it’s important, more than ever right now, to stay in contact with others.

#advice #coronavirus #coronavirus adventures #Anonymous

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werewolfbarbie · 5 years

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So after all the love that was spread through out the GtLive community and the Grumps as well it would be strange of me to post the video and fuel the fire. But I will say this now and not any more cuz my birthday is on Saturday. and I wanna be in a good mood and have a great time which means this needs to come out now and im done speaking about it.

To the anons who have been trying to send me hate about my friend @marril96, one of you already knows this but I can track you. And I'm telling you what I told them. First off, continue sending lies and harassment to friends of Mariana and I will expose you. Second, don't come into my ask box acting like you know what really happened. You can call me all the names you want. Nothing to say to me will ever compare to the things I say to my own mirror. So your highschool insults are useless. Bring it. But call my friends that? You will regret it.

I don't care if some of you think I'm a coward as Gretchen is calling me for not wanting to speak to her, nor do I even know if she really did say that, as I've seen some of her messeges through screenshots and she has never said my name. But I'm just gonna put this out: I am NEVER talking to Gretchen ever again. I have blocked her on tumblr and twitter and I am not going to unlock her and listen to her side of the story. I know her side because Mariana wanted to reconcile and asked for advice on the friendship so she sent me screencaps. What I saw what not an argument between friends. It was abuse. Gretchen was insulting Mariana and twisting her words. She tried to make her feel guilty when Mariana found her post about lesbians being smarter than anyone cuz they know men suck to be misandrist. Gretchen called her lesaphobic. You dont ever EVER call a friend lesaphobic. You don't ever call a friend phobic of any kind. That was a line crossed so instead of advising her on reconciliation I told Mariana to cut her loose. And I encouraged her to block her. Mariana was already standing up for herself and doing well with that decision on her own, but you numnuts keep insisting that it was "so cruel" of Mariana to block her friend. Well newsflash. They weren't friends. Gretchen was never a friend. She convinced all of us that she was a kind, caring person and we truly believed that. But if you call someone lesaphobic you are not their friend.

Now about the art theft accusation cuz oh boy do I have quiet a bit to say. Mariana was accused of stealing art by an artist who was spewing complete and total lies. I did research and could easily tell you that this person has done this before with other people. Its become a tactic some artists have done for attention. Being a "victim" of art theft is the perfect way to gain a platform. By the way Mariana HERESELF has has her artwork stolen and she handled it humbly. And during this fiasco with the accusation Gretchen defended Mariana reassuring her that she knew she wouldnt do such a thing and we talked about in private chat how she and I could ecourage Mariana. So when the fallout happened and she wrote a post responding to a bully of an anon, who ive tracked, that she had "warned" Mariana of stealing art, that was a total lie. Gretchen never said anything about believing Mariana to be an art thief until AFTER she was angry at her. This anon then went into the ask of all of Marianas friends and said the same accusations. Most of them defended her because wouldnt you know it, we actually KNOW as true friends that Mariana would never do that.

And once we believed this all settled down, Gretchen extended an 'olive branch' to Mariana and in the kindness of Marianas heart she responded only to have Gretchen once again harass her in private and post more on her blog about the situation when Mariana stood up to the abuse. Everything was getting better and she must've wanted attention I don't know. But it lead to more people blocking Mariana which really is just stupid.

And now to the anons and the people who might be following me as well as Gretchen and Mariana, that is my answer. If any of you believe Gretchen and have blocked Mariana or choose to avoid her, you dont know the real Mariana and you were never her friend either. Ive been in a situation where I lost dozens of 'friends' who believed a lie about it and while it hurt that they would all abandon me and believe something awful about me, now I'm numb to it. I could care less if people unfollow me or block me. I have dealt with loss this year and hopelessness you wouldnt believe. You wanna cut me I'll be over it in 5 seconds. But Mariana does not deserve this.

She is not a lesophobic, homophobic, phobic of any kind. She is not an art thief. She is not a bully.

However she IS passionate, compassionate, an amazing friend, and loyal sister and someone worth tracking anons, researching background designs and blocking hateful fake friends for.

That's it I'm done. I'm not talking about it any more. Anons come into my ask box about it and I will continue to track you only to post your real blog. You got your answer and that is my piece. I turn 29 on Saturday and I intend to spend the rest of 2019 focusing on the ones I love and things I enjoy.

Have a goodnight.

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lovebunnie · 5 years

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Do all the asks coward

1. what does your wallet look like?

-i got it as a present from my uncle for christmas and its really expensive but also so ugly im sorry uncle tom. its like that ‘southern fashion’ bullshit that white MAGA moms wear. but it was better than my old wallet, which looks like this and i got when i was 12:

2. favorite color?

- baby pinnk

3. do you own a pride flag, or more than one?

-heres the thing: my parents basically know im not straight but i havent told them. my brother has thought i was a lesbian since freshman year, i have a small pride pin on my backpack, ive never been on a date, its complicated. but no, i dont have one. maybe one day, hopefully.

4. describe your favorite outfit

-black pants, platform doc martens, hoodie under a jean jacket, one clip on earring, and holding my crushes hand :]

5. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter, and what’d she do?

-okay so theres this girl in my theatre class who is really cute, and she put her head on my shoulder and shes pagan so she drew a little sigil on my arm that means “safe and homely” so like :)))))))))))))

6. do you use nail polish?

-i do, i mostly do black tho

7. do you keep organized?

-absolutely. i have things online filed accordingly, i pick out my outfits the day before, my binders are neat, i learned how to army fold my shirts, i keep my shit CLEAN

8. ever take naps?

-only accidentally. ill be laying in bed watching youtube and next thing you know my autoplay has me watching a markiplier video even tho i dont like him and its 4 hours later

9. who was your first crush?

-idk if this is a real person or not so ill do both. my first fake person crush was either troy from high school musical or frankie stein from monster high. and my first real crush was on a boy named dominic in elementary school. i told him i liked him at the end of 5th grade because i thought i was switching schools but then i didnt and we never spoke again.

10. what are your crush tendencies? fall hard or often?

-both both both. i am the worst with crushes. i have crushes all the time because im romantic and a fucking fool. i have 3 crushes off the top of my head rn and i like them all for different reasons. thats not to say that i want to date them, but its that i like them a lot and i kinda wanna kiss their cheek or hold their hand idk

11. describe your ideal day

-play overwatch with my best friend (u gonble >:) ) then hang out with my cat, go get a smoothie, buy some cool shoes or something, take a shower and be asleep by 9 :,)

12. describe your ideal date

-i have stated that build a bear is an amazing first date and im NOT BACKING DOWN. ITS CUTE AS FUCK AND ILL ACCEPT NOTHING LESS!!

13. whats your favorite food?

-either sushi or strawberries :3c

14. who do you feel most comfortable around?

-my theatre class, people from camp, and gobble

15. what is your favorite compliment to receive?

-i dont have a favorite, any and all are going to make my face go red so i have to cover it and maybe make me cry

16. did you/do you like highschool?

-the first 3 years fucking sucked but senior year has been amazing so far. mostly because i just kinda stopped giving a fuck but its amazing

17. favorite animal?

-i think its cats now. i really like cats

18. do you like your name?

-eh, its okay. its pretty but also it seems like there are 60 million fucking people named grace and its so annoying. i wish it was something more unique idk

19. what kind of weather is your favorite?

-a light rain. no swinging trees or thunder, just lots of rain. its nice to stay inside and feel secure

20. do you believe in horoscopes?

-absolutely not. but theyre fun if you like them

21. tell us about your music taste

-its horrific. to sum it up, my two favorite musicians are the gorillaz and frank sinatra. take from that what you will

22. have you had your first kiss? if so, what was it like?

-i havent had my first kiss yet. gonna be honest, i felt like i was going to, a few times at camp and recently when classes ended. but yeah, nothing yet

23. did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a kid?

-i went thro cycles of favorites. but one ive had for years is a plush shadow the hedgehog from universal studios i got when i was 6. i used to carry him around, even to a pool once

24. what time do you usually wake up and go to bed?

-if you know me, you know i go to bed ridiculously early. i usually get tried at around 6pm and fall asleep between 7:45 and 8:30. and i always wake up before 6 am. i havent slept past 6 am continuously since the end of junior year. please help me

25. what dream trip would you take with your wife?

-maybe to go explore new york, just the two of us that sounds like fun :]

26. do you have any pets?

-i have 2 dogs and a cat. the family owns the dogs but that cat is mine

27. what pair of underwear is your favorite?

-uhhhhhhhhhhh i have some with rainbows that are cool? i dont have favorites, none of them are cute anyway

28. what makes you smile?

-funny jokes make me smile real hard, and if you compliment me at the right time, i kind of pull my legs up and hide my face? its cute and charming i promise

29. what makes you feel heavy?

-in both the physical and metaphorical sense, eating bread

30. what makes you feel better?

-watching bo burnham always makes me feel better, hes my go to whenever im really depressed

31. how do you show your love?

-i show my love in everything i do. everything i do is for love, i love love so much its sickening

32. when is it time to get a haircut?

-whenever u want to lol?

33. where would you live if you could live anywhere?

-maybe san francisco, its beautiful and i love the city

34. do your friends and family take good care of you?

-as much as i allow them to. sometimes i go days without communicating and i know thats annoying but my friends put up with it (they shouldnt have to, i know) and my family is okay. its cliche to say, but they honestly dont understand what im going thro alot of the times, esp with my anxiety and shit

35. have you always used the labels you use now?

-back in the beginning of highschool, i used they/them pronouns and identified as asexual/aromantic. eventually, it didnt feel right, so i know identify as cis and bisexual and that feels right to me

36. what makes you laugh?

-my friends, when people shit talk gobble and i in overwatch even tho???? we didnt know him?????? and the mcelroys always get me

37. who is your favorite fictional character?

-too many options, see list here

38. who do yo admire?

-my father when hes not threatening to throw my phone into a fucking lake and my friends for putting up with me

39. describe yourself in three words

-i am baby

40. how long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

-usually about 45 min, more or less as each day goes

41. what do you wish you could tell your younger self?

-listen: STOP GIVING A FUCK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE. YOU WILL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN, BE YOURSELF. STOP HIDING AND BEING SCARED OF YOURSELF, BE GENUINE!!!!

42. what would you do if you win the lottery?

-get my parents settled, see about other family members, and then distribute the money to charities accordingly, starting with flint and getting them water

43. would you call yourself a romantic?

-yes

44. what is your gayest childhood memory?

-my mom had cosmos magazines

45. do you have tattoos or want any?

-i dont have any tattoos but ive been obsessed with them since the 6th grade. id love to get tattoos, i just dont know what or where and also im afraid of pain

46. whats your worst habit?

-either biting my thumbs, starving myself, or ghosting my friends. prob ghosting my friends

47. what are you proud of?

-i guess coming out of my shell finally? idk, i actually have friends now and it feels amazing tbh. im in 5 group chats now. i havent been in a group chat since 6th grade. :))))))

48. did you know that youre actually a gift to the world, for real?

-hi i love you?

49. whats your favorite memory?

-there are so so many. but what comes to mind first is our dance night at camp where we all stood outside and i finally gave ian my tumblr and we all ran inside to dance to mr. brightside then ran outside again and we requested nightcore and rivers was fucking dancing their hearts out and we all sang along and im going to crying just typing this out

50. do you have a sweet tooth?

-i guess so. too much makes me feel like shit but i do really enjoy smarties

51. what do you like most about yourself?

-this is dumb, but my sense of style. since i got a job ive been wearing shit i actually like and its amazing. ill admit i have cool clothes

52. what makes you fall for a girl?

-besides acknowledging me, probably getting to know me and not like, putting me on a pedestal. idk its weird, ive met a lot of people this year who like to place me so high it feels like i cant make a mistake around them without disappointing them. idk, i want someone to call me out on my bullshit instead of assuring me im okay. i want to know what i do wrong so i can fix it

53. make a recommendation

-for what? uhh okay for music, listen to ‘clay pigeons’ by michael cera (yes i know michael cera) and for television, watch bojack horseman and for movies, watch the docuseries called ‘7 days out’ on netflix

54. have you ever had your heart broken?

-yeah, when i broke up with maddy because we werent ready to date. i cared and continue to care about her and i didnt want to hurt her but i knew its what we both needed. its what i needed, atleast. and i cant be a good girlfriend if i feel like im doing badly. but also ive had friends break my heart and family break my heart. but im okay now, this heart is ready to be broken again

55. when do you feel most yourself?

-def when i was at camp, that place is magical in the way it allows you to be yourself. but also when i talk to gobble because hes my best friend and when im at college, we can talk more and its gonna be dope as shit

56. name a gorgeous celeb

-jake gyllenhaal jake gyllenhaal jake gyllenhaal

57. what are some of your favorite songs this week?

-fake happy by paramore, im not okay (i promise) by my chemical romance, tomorrow comes today by gorillaz

58. tell us 2 or your biggest hopes and fears

-biggest hopes: i publish a book someday & i get a job doing something i love

-biggest fears: i end up homeless and broke & something horrific happens in college

59. what flavor chapstick/lipbalm is the best?

-raspberry i guess

60. are you okay?

-i answered a lot more honestly then i shouldve for some of these and i start new classes tomorrow so im feeling really anxious so im doing alright i guess.

gobble you test me but i do love you

#g0bbleb0ners #that took 90 minutes #also i got kinda real here.... :////////#whatever no one reads these things anyway

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admirablemushroom · 3 years

Text

chat with a stranger

[7:43 PM] ttd29: Tell me more about him [7:43 PM] ttd29: What is it that you like so much about this guy who doesnt respond to your needs? [7:43 PM] Theodore: ok so we met by playing dota2 together [7:44 PM] Theodore: he was a very nice guy who didn't scold me for feeding the enemies [7:44 PM] ttd29: Ok great start

[7:44 PM] Theodore: so for some reason i asked him his fb and we started to become friends [7:45 PM] Theodore: at the time i was dating a girl [7:45 PM] Theodore: i sent a few memes to him [7:45 PM] Theodore: u know, from r/suddenlygay, etc [7:46 PM] ttd29: Wait you’re bi? [7:46 PM] Theodore: you can say so... [7:46 PM] ttd29: Lol interesting [7:46 PM] ttd29: Anyway go on [7:47 PM] Theodore: i usually go by being gay in order to avoid surprise moments like this [7:47 PM] Theodore: anyway [7:47 PM] Theodore: we got closer and closer [7:48 PM] Theodore: i even asked him how to kiss a girl before i got that girl [7:48 PM] Theodore: then one day he was comfortable enof to admit that he's bi [7:49 PM] Theodore: and i eventually dumped my ex-gf bc i was an asshole [7:50 PM] Theodore: in my defense i felt tired to fake my masculinity [7:50 PM] ttd29: No need to defend yourself [7:50 PM] ttd29: At least you didnt cheat [7:50 PM] Theodore: then a few days later i met him in a coffee shop [7:50 PM] Theodore: that was our first meeting [7:51 PM] Theodore: and we started hanging out more often [7:51 PM] Theodore: after 2 meetings, we became boyfriends [7:53 PM] Theodore: ok after this point there was no major event [7:53 PM] Theodore: he also gave me a book 'call me by ur name' [7:53 PM] ttd29: How long did you guys date? [7:54 PM] Theodore: in the book, he signed "you're the best thing that ever happened to me" [7:54 PM] Theodore: the book has been given away to one of my friends [7:55 PM] Theodore: i can go on about how disgusting that book is but maybe another time [7:55 PM] Theodore: (not his fault, Andre aciman's fault) [7:55 PM] Theodore: then i took a 6-month exchange study [7:55 PM] Theodore: so we maintained our communication online [7:56 PM] Theodore: after getting back to vn, we went out together again [7:56 PM] Theodore: then we had arguments about this and that, i remember i was a pretty rude guy and i raised my tone a lot of times.... [7:57 PM] Theodore: must've been tiring for him to go thru all that [7:58 PM] Theodore: at the peak of the conflict, one day we were arguing about something i dont remember but pretty sure i started first [7:58 PM] Theodore: he left in the middle of the convo to play video games [7:58 PM] Theodore: which i was very angry and sad [7:59 PM] Theodore: but he also quit the match to talk to me [7:59 PM] Theodore: and u know, i was not a considerate person, i usually started a fight and made a fuss about anything [8:00 PM] Theodore: and when im stressed, i write a lot [8:00 PM] Theodore: and when i write a lot, whoever read it gets stressed too [8:01 PM] Theodore: ok i see u went offline lol, prolly u got stressed too [8:02 PM] ttd29: Lol relax [8:03 PM] ttd29: I just took a shower [8:04 PM] ttd29: And then after that what happened? [8:05 PM] Theodore: wait me, i need to finish the monstrosity i cooked [8:06 PM] ttd29: =))))) [8:06 PM] ttd29: Oke [8:20 PM] Theodore: ok so at one point i just straight up told him dont talk to me anymore [8:20 PM] Theodore: which i very regret til this day [8:21 PM] Theodore: after that text, he never answered me again [8:21 PM] Theodore: he didn't respond to anything [8:21 PM] Theodore: basically he ghosted me [8:21 PM] ttd29: For a year??? [8:22 PM] Theodore: yes [8:22 PM] Theodore: i had been through a lot of confusion, anger, self hate, regret, depression, you name it [8:22 PM] ttd29: And he never talked to you again until now? [8:23 PM] Theodore: i kept messaging him for months, until July last year i told him this would be my last text (it wasn't), which he also didnt read [8:24 PM] Theodore: and a few days ago my depression hit me so bad i had to bring up that shit again [8:24 PM] Theodore: this time i talked with a mutual friend of us [8:25 PM] Theodore: along the lines i told my fren that 'the only reason i haven't commit suicide is because my mom would be sad if i did' [8:25 PM] Theodore: my fren told my ex that i wanted to commit suicide... [8:25 PM] Theodore: -.- [8:25 PM] ttd29: Quào [8:25 PM] ttd29: Okay [8:26 PM] ttd29: Great friend [8:26 PM] ttd29: =)) [8:26 PM] ttd29: After that then what happened [8:27 PM] Theodore: anyway, i also sent him a few words that said 'i dont understand how things went wrong but im sure whatever my mistakes are, i am not deserved to be ghosted for a year like this' [8:27 PM] Theodore: after i filed a request to delete my fb account [8:27 PM] Theodore: so i told my fren find some way to make him read my last message before the account got deleted completely [8:28 PM] Theodore: actually he completed what i asked him to do, but the way he did it was a bit questionable wasn't it [8:28 PM] Theodore: in some way, he distorted what i said about suicide [8:29 PM] ttd29: Yeah that was totally not cool [8:29 PM] Theodore: anyway, my ex sent me an email to apologize bc i blocked him on all media [8:29 PM] Theodore: before i received the email, i felt like i was reborn [8:30 PM] Theodore: that i could finally give up the past and move on to the new chapter [8:30 PM] Theodore: but then... the email =.= [8:30 PM] Theodore: i just wanted him to read, i didn't want an answer anymore [8:30 PM] Theodore: it is too late for an answer [8:31 PM] Theodore: anyway i got stressed again and my emails sent to him got longer and longer [8:32 PM] Theodore: he eventually responded that he was super tired with this way of talking of mine and that's one of the reasons he gave up the relationship [8:32 PM] Theodore: i guess he had a point, i sometimes feel like im overdramatic about things [8:32 PM] Theodore: and yes when im stressed i'd write a lot and talk a lot [8:32 PM] ttd29: Yeah well [8:33 PM] ttd29: Now where are you guys? [8:33 PM] ttd29: Still exchanging emails? [8:33 PM] Theodore: so fast forward a few emails, i got friendlier and finally connected to him on discord [8:34 PM] Theodore: i dont really use discord but im not ready to reconnect with him on any other platform [8:34 PM] Theodore: so this is the choice [8:35 PM] ttd29: And you guys are talking normally now? [8:35 PM] Theodore: i guess??? idk, i dont feel that way [8:35 PM] Theodore: but, as i said, his mom is going thru cancer treatment [8:35 PM] Theodore: so he must be very busy and, in his words, he did not have the mental capacity for this [8:36 PM] Theodore: so yeah, although i really want to get back, i still feel like im chasing him [8:36 PM] ttd29: Okay got it [8:37 PM] Theodore: id been already texting to a ghost for almost a year, now i still have to try to get his attention [8:37 PM] Theodore: but [8:37 PM] Theodore: i cant blame him because who knows what his situation right now [8:37 PM] ttd29: Was about to ask why do you want to get back together but realize that’s a redundant question lol [8:38 PM] Theodore: here [8:38 PM] Theodore: also cuz he's cute so it's not that easy :frowning: [8:38 PM] ttd29: =))) [8:38 PM] ttd29: Lol [8:39 PM] ttd29: Cute guys are abundant out there waiting for you [8:39 PM] ttd29: Anyway [8:39 PM] Theodore: just enjoy my awkward humor amidst a stressful story [8:39 PM] ttd29: I kind of understand what you’re going through [8:39 PM] ttd29: Enough to know that you wont be rational right now lol [8:39 PM] Theodore: ... [8:39 PM] Theodore: thats disappointing [8:40 PM] ttd29: If i tell you he’s not the right guy for you, would you suddenly stop wanting him? [8:40 PM] ttd29: I don’t think so [8:41 PM] Theodore: that's what u think [8:41 PM] Theodore: this afternoon u said something that was quite impressing [8:41 PM] Theodore: but now it's not cuz i forgot [8:41 PM] ttd29: :slight_smile: [8:41 PM] ttd29: I said [8:41 PM] ttd29: It’s okay to miss someone [8:42 PM] Theodore: here [8:42 PM] ttd29: But you need to be rational enough to know whether they are good for you [8:42 PM] ttd29: That’s the more important part of the equation [8:43 PM] Theodore: it's so pity to give up such a beautiful story like that, i literally could turn it into a wattpad series which makes fangirls cry out every night [8:43 PM] Theodore: what we had together was so romantic and any relationship which came after was incomparable [8:44 PM] ttd29: This right here my fren [8:44 PM] ttd29: Is why every relationship comes after are not comparable [8:45 PM] ttd29: You havent fully dealt with your shit yet so everyone else are just rebounds [8:45 PM] ttd29: You think they would cure you, but you need to cure yourself first [8:45 PM] Theodore: i never found any friends that were so compatible with me like him, let alone a lover [8:46 PM] Theodore: for real, if i had great friends, i could have just turned to my friends and never given a shit about him [8:46 PM] Theodore: but i've always been a lonely person [8:47 PM] ttd29: Do you ever think [8:47 PM] ttd29: You’re so consumed by your pain, that you’re not letting your friends in? [8:47 PM] Theodore: ive been always like this since kindergarten [8:48 PM] ttd29: Like what? [8:48 PM] Theodore: alone [8:49 PM] ttd29: Lol it’s all connected together now [8:50 PM] ttd29: You’re always alone. So once you found someone who cares, you put wayyy too much pressure on that person to care for you [8:50 PM] Theodore: wow [8:50 PM] ttd29: So they cracked [8:51 PM] ttd29: Yeah [8:51 PM] ttd29: At least that’s the vibe I got from our conversations [8:52 PM] ttd29: And then you never really let anyone in to care for you after that person left. [8:52 PM] ttd29: I’m sure your friends really care about you. But you don’t tell them how they can help you so they must be frustrated as well [8:52 PM] ttd29: Hence the suicidal distortion thingy [8:53 PM] ttd29: Maybe they were concerned and wanted to help, but didnt know how to [8:54 PM] Theodore: hmmm [8:54 PM] Theodore: w8 me, im on a phone call w mum [8:54 PM] Theodore: brb [8:54 PM] ttd29: Oke [9:12 PM] Theodore: you are right about the whole thing [9:12 PM] Theodore: i wouldn't say i didn't let anyone care me after he left [9:13 PM] Theodore: it's just hard for me to connect with someone on that deep level [9:13 PM] Theodore: i used to be quite clingy around friends who i found compatible with me [9:14 PM] Theodore: but at the end of the day, i think it's important to know that they also have their own lives [9:14 PM] Theodore: so i dont really have friends anymore, cuz i feel like im bothering them [9:15 PM] ttd29: What is this deep level that you were able to connect with the guy? [9:15 PM] Theodore: yeah i have best friends here and there but i dont find myself comfortable as i was with my ex [9:17 PM] Theodore: he's both a best friend and a lover; we shared a lot of hobbies and favorite topics, ... and also i felt like he would always be there to lend me an ear, unlike a normal friend [9:17 PM] Theodore: which has been proved to be incorrect lol [9:17 PM] ttd29: Sounds like you need a hug lol [9:18 PM] Theodore: i really appreciate that u are staying here to listen to me [9:18 PM] Theodore: and u gave some very interesting insights that no one else did [9:18 PM] Theodore: prolly becuz they didn't care enof, or they just wanted to quickly conclude my problems so they could go to sleep [9:19 PM] ttd29: Haha i’m flattered [9:19 PM] ttd29: Idk you just sound like you really need to talk this out [9:20 PM] Theodore: and now that we're connected on discord, i kept getting mixed signals from him [9:20 PM] ttd29: I believe being able to talk about our problems always help [9:20 PM] Theodore: i'm a bit obsessed to discord recently and i found myself waiting for a dm from him [9:20 PM] Theodore: :neutral_face: [9:21 PM] ttd29: You know what your problem is? [9:21 PM] Theodore: i dont want to... you know... after all the shit ive been thru, i now have to continue waiting for him [9:21 PM] ttd29: You never really get a full closure from him [9:22 PM] ttd29: I mean he just ghosted you out of the blue. Then he only came back and apologized when he thought you were going to committ suicide [9:22 PM] Theodore: yes, please continue [9:22 PM] ttd29: You never got a sincere apology [9:23 PM] Theodore: you are right... [9:23 PM] ttd29: That’s why you’re so hung up [9:23 PM] ttd29: And you got your own problems to fix to [9:23 PM] ttd29: Starting from your “clinginess” [9:24 PM] ttd29: He’s not going to fix that problem for you [9:24 PM] ttd29: And if you guys got back together, you will eventually break up again, because the root of the problem was never resolved [9:24 PM] Theodore: you are right [9:25 PM] ttd29: I don’t want to tell you what to do. But you surely deserve an in-person, sincere apology from him, for leaving you in the worst way possible [9:26 PM] Theodore: i suppose [9:26 PM] Theodore: but he's in an emotional distress, so i cant really blame him, or expect anything from him [9:26 PM] Theodore: im thinking about ending this come-back plan from my side [9:27 PM] Theodore: i think he wont give a shit lol, because he also said we would still break up if none of us changed [9:28 PM] ttd29: Yeah so if he is aware of that [9:28 PM] Theodore: i really thought i had improved myself as a person after all the regret, but now that we found out that i still have a tendency to cling to people i care about and that makes them suffocated [9:28 PM] ttd29: And if he really did love you and respect you enough, he would understand you need this, Theodore. [9:29 PM] ttd29: This is your problem that you need to work on improving [9:29 PM] Theodore: need what? an apology? [9:29 PM] ttd29: Yes [9:29 PM] ttd29: A sincere apology [9:29 PM] ttd29: Not an “i only apologize because i think you’re going to commit suicide” [9:30 PM] Theodore: you are right, the moment i knew that was the reason he apologized, i was shocked and disappointed [9:30 PM] Theodore: shall i keep waiting for anything from him? [9:30 PM] ttd29: Just text him that [9:31 PM] Theodore: no, i dont want to [9:31 PM] ttd29: :))) if i were there, I would snatch the phone from you and text him myself [9:31 PM] Theodore: u seem like a cool friend to be around :)) [9:31 PM] ttd29: You said he was mature enough to know it’s not a good idea to get back together [9:32 PM] ttd29: So be it [9:32 PM] ttd29: But he must admit he was wrong [9:32 PM] ttd29: Wrong to treat you like that [9:32 PM] Theodore: i also asked him for an in-person meeting but he declined becuz he's busy with his mom [9:33 PM] Theodore: i think it will take a long time for him to get over that, and by that time he will have forgotten about me probably lol [9:33 PM] ttd29: Or via text, or via email or whatever. [9:33 PM] ttd29: Get him to apologize sincerely [9:34 PM] Theodore: he did apologize me multiple times [9:34 PM] ttd29: Okay fine [9:34 PM] ttd29: If you’re think they’re sincere then they are [9:34 PM] Theodore: even on discord, one time he asked me how i was doing and i told him about my depression and he apologized [9:34 PM] ttd29: But if they are not then you should get one [9:34 PM] ttd29: Omg no that’s not sincere [9:34 PM] ttd29: :slight_smile: [9:34 PM] Theodore: ??? its not [9:35 PM] Theodore: how do i know [9:35 PM] ttd29: Why must his apology always be connected to your mental state [9:35 PM] Theodore: he's not capable of writing dancing words like me [9:35 PM] Theodore: idk?? [9:35 PM] Theodore: so it's not sincere... [9:36 PM] ttd29: A sincere apology should be when you guys are both in normal state [9:36 PM] ttd29: And you know that he’s really sorry for what he did [9:37 PM] ttd29: Not just because he thinks saying sorry would make you not depressed/want to commit suicide/etc [9:37 PM] Theodore: got it [9:37 PM] Theodore: aww fren thanks for helping me realize it [9:38 PM] Theodore: maybe i still have feelings for him and want us to be back so i did put the bar quite low for an apology [9:38 PM] ttd29: Lol I need to consider becoming a mental therapy [9:39 PM] ttd29: Yeah to be frank I don’t think getting back together is a good idea [9:39 PM] ttd29: You need to deal with your emotional baggage first [9:39 PM] Theodore: okay [9:39 PM] Theodore: so no waiting for him [9:39 PM] ttd29: Yeah!!!! [9:39 PM] ttd29: Work on yourself [9:40 PM] Theodore: ok... [9:40 PM] Theodore: haizzz... [9:40 PM] Theodore: such a beautiful story

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kendrixtermina · 4 years

Text

Actual Nightmares I have had of you

The human subconscious is profoundly weird

Call me Kronos‘ Daughter; Daughter-of-Saturn.

I’m never asked you to be my friend; You needn’t even like me. All I ever wanted is that you leave me be. Live and let live. That’s all it ever expected, that’s what my heart still screams from its depths down to its very bottom. But you wouldn’t, neither you nor the schoolyard bullies who came like sharks to pick and suck at the bloody marks you left on me.

I come home from that and it takes me a while to realize the thickness in the air. Slowly but steadily it dawns on me when no one responds and coldness meets me from all fronts.

My mother and siblings make sure to communicate their wrath through my slow understanding, and I scramble to piece together what I did wrong.

I was never good at understanding what displeased people; Wretchedly I ask for an explanation., but the answer is always:

“You know what you did” like my uncertainty is just a guise that only adds to the insult.

What was it? What did I do?

I can’t lose the last and only people that have the least bit concern for me.

Then after a while, it crystallized:

You have once again told lies about me;

You did it often enough for it to haunt me into my dreams; Somehow, that scarred me more than the beatings ever did. Somehow, at some point, I must have displeased the fickle volcano god and now it’s my turn to be flung down the crater, but that’s beside the point:

I have no love to call my own.

I have no love – at any point, you could go behind my back and take it away as you please.

No one will ever believe me. You will go behind my back, and I can do nothing other than helpless, clueless fumbling like a bee caught in jelly and trying to fly through it, dead stop at the glass of the window.

You once claimed I had rudely dared to snub you as you drove by in your very generic red little car in the most common color there is. For months I felt my hairs standing on ends all the twelve bazillion times I saw a little red care, careful, careful! It might be you, and you might get displeased.

II.

We are walking down a wide street in the old part of some European city; We were simply wont to check out the historic streets whenever we went someone new.

But through we stand on ordinary cobblestone, the buildings left and right are comprised of stark black sharp alien shapes, warped curves of dark spikes pointing everywhere, crawling their way up like whimsical paper cutouts or shock-frosted currents, in place of ordinary rows and houses.

You keep my hand clamped up tight; No use protesting that I’m already eighteen.

The sharp shapes branch forward of the walls like metal flames or dark trees; Afterwards I’d wonder if this is the physical shape that might be taken by fear and hatred if they could harden into solids like ice rock and metal.

I remember this plan to mark a dumping site for nuclear waste to that residents of the far fure would understand that it’s dangerous and not get the impression that here’s something exciting to dig upon – one of the ideas they considered was filling a field with wide spikes poking out of the floor, like the places you’re not supposed to stand on in a video game:

‘This is no place of honor.

Nothing valuable lies here’

Nothing valuable is buried in my soul in the oppressive shadow of your presence. Apart from the spike houses this has been a very boring dream. I’ve had much more exciting ones far away from our kitchens or living rooms, and if I’m in them at all I can never recall filling this strong shame.

We reach a sort of view platform, we look down through a black front of glass, square reflective windows, out over the boulevard of thorns. You’re sour and grumpy, you’re shouting at everyone, and everyone throws death glares at me. This happens often enough for the instances to blend into a generic good of pain and shame.

Mother scolds me scornfully at some point.

III.

It’s like I can feel you coming long before you do. It’s like you drop the temperature when you come into a room.

You were there, laughing at me in my sleep, I tried to calm myself down and shrug it off because I was meaning to enjoy the day, and there you are: The next day, my mother saw it fit to invite you to my birthday celebration. I’m not sure if I explicitly made it clear that you were not to be invited, I thought it was obvious, I didn’t want to be the one to dredge it out and taint a joyful occasion with pain and regret.

I wanted to go to a fucking cafe with my bloody family, can’t I have that?

You don’t even have to do anything for a scene to be caused; I do you the honor myself, you’ve pavlov trained me pretty well, monkey see, monkey fear. Like clockwork.

It’s like being locked in a cage with a saber-tooth tiger.

I can only stand it because I downed a glass of wine first thing before the entree.

And I curse myself all the way back: I should have known! I should have known! Why didn’t I say anything?

IV.

This dream was actually interesting, right where you showed up.

I’m driving a car, but because I don’t know what that’s like it’s more like a go-cart or a tricycle, or a bumper car from the fun-fair. There’s a lot of sudden acceleration and I’m needing my feet to keep myself steady in the seat.

You come in through some memory of driving out into the country up a mountain, and of a building that’s like an abbey or a castle where you used to work. Or maybe it’s just a hospital and I’m tripping over your existence because you worked in a different one, or it’s that visit to a mountaintop restaurant that was splendid apart from the fact that you were there.

There’s a hospital on the mountaintop, or that sort of complicated building, but when I look past the precipices, held only by a strange gravity that seems to be coming from the cliff face, I see not the valley but a folded landscape, with houses and church towers but also house-like structures in crystalline fractal squares.

I could pat my subconscious on the back for this one, were it not that after I drove home, coming back, somehow, to my second apartment and the bed of my ex-boyfriend, and as soon as I lie down, you burst open the door and start screaming and complaining about all that I did wrong.

In the shadows it’s my bedroom where I’m a naked adult woman but where the light touches there linger echos of my childhood bedroom with its metal bunk bed that my ex-boyfriend surely wouldn’t have fit it, my rugs, and certainly its door.

You come and scream and barge in because you’ve never respected a closed door in your life, in into my dwelling which ought to have been mine and a place that you can’t come inside.

You never came there safe in my dreams, not in all the four years I lived there,

and yet I sat there raging and naked and pleading with all that is right and wonder, how is it that you’re still allowed to come here now that I have my own life? How is it that you’re still allowed to haunt me well into my adulthood and all my sacred spaces?

How is it that you get to loose your spitting mouth and tell me all I’m doing wrong in my own damn house?

And I awake with a chill lodged in my spine.

I don’t actually have these dreams of you very often, you know, but when I do, you can bet that I’ll be useless for most of the morning, if not the entire day. There'll be a dark cloud hanging over my mood and all attempts at concentration come up frazzled. Sometimes I can will myself to do something out of sheer spite but its never as romantic as advertized and I have to remind myself, quite forcibly, that this doesn’t mean that nothing I did to get over your splendid childcare through my wonderful teenage years wasn’t entirely worthless or that I’m not stronger at all.

At some point it stopped feeling like that – it’s just annoying.

I don’t want to be mad, not even that, not anymore, I just want to be twenty-something.

Why do you get to eat my days still, while doing nothing? You’re probably working on some island in the north seas right now, some gray old man I’d hardly recognize.

My face in the mirror looks like the you I actually remember. I smear it full of makeup so it doesn’t.

I’m laying somewhere, I don’t know, a bed, a couch; For some reason there’s christmas decorations on. Maybe it’s taken from a memory, some old half buried fragment of our one-time living room.

Then you come and there is screaming.

I don’t remember how because somehow, in some way, when you come there is always screaming. I think I was idly chatting with my siblings just before but that doesn’t matter because all that disintegrates, and you come, lumbering half-bald boxer-shorts-clad ogre that you are, and somehow, through some excuse, you mock my fearful measly little flesh as you hold me down, and deeper than your hands beat the spiked flails of your words.

I don’t have the courage to hold against you in earnest, marvelously concerned that you’ll break my little heart.

I slap your face and you overtake with with your violence,

I spit back taunts and you eviscerate me in humiliation.

I quote Melville in your face, and I can’t get it right, my stumbling words accomplish little more than to make you laugh.

I spit my last breath into hell’s heart and can’t seem to stab at anything despite the hate that only boils my veins.

I spread my legs in your face, in the hope that the smell will make you back off in shock, but it only confirms all you’ve ever thought of me, and I scream helpless beneath your blows:

“Just leave me alone! Just leave me alone!

You may beat me, mock me, debase me, as long as you leave me alone!”

I cry in desperation:

“Just leave me alone!”

Leave me alone.

Thanks to you, that’s all I ever asked of people.

#writing #baby tries to art #original writing #guess who had another one of these this morning and did nothing useful

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seanmeverett · 7 years

Text

Equation for ICO’s Expected Funding Level

With an Excel file and industry market map for separating success from failure

I. Setting the Stage

We’re going ever deeper into the ICO space here at The Mission and it’s child publication, Humanizing Tech. What started 6 months ago on The Base Code Fund’s investment into Ethereum as well as various conversations with a few knowledgeable players in the industry, from hedge funds to new ICO practitioners to even some folks building a new exchange, it’s always been our goal to open-source the knowledge and tools that we use.

Today we continue that tradition with a simple, new tool for you to gain at least a little bit of knowledge from.

After doing a number of Google searches and research over the last month, we had yet to come across a simple market map that lists out how many ICOs are in each specific industry vertical. For example, 17 in the finance space, 10 in the protocol layer, 2 in file storage, 3 in crowdfunding, etc.

The goal is to get a sense for what areas are being overpopulated with ICOs and which areas haven’t been touched yet (a lot).

It seems almost like there are parallels between the early internet where you’d have a listicle of hundreds of websites until it got to be too much and search was invented. And then, of course Google + ads = mountains of cash.

So, we started looking at various lists and figured we’d get started with the Smith + Crown, since they are viewed widely as reputable and have already done some curation of their own. We extracted their list into Excel and started running an analysis on it, which is what follows.

Note: please update me in the comments if you have better data you can cite on any of this. Here’s my ICO List Excel File should you want to continue the analysis.

II. ICO Funding Equation

From the data set we extracted there were a total of 200 recent ICOs (i.e., 2017-ish), both currently offering tokens and ones that had closed. I have a feeling Smith + Crown removed the scams and BS ICOs, which is why we don’t see a list of 800 total coins that I’ve read are currently being traded.

Out of these 200 ICOs, only 42 have raised anything meaningful (more than $200K). That means your probability of success if you do everything right technically, market yourself using a standard approach and have a decent team, is 1 in 5. That’s a 20% success rate.

To put this into perspective, a meaningful VC-backed Seed round, on average, is about $1M from PitchBook data. But the success rate, I can tell you from experience, takes much, much longer, requires much more tech and customer traction, and is far, far harder.

So, I’ll take a 1 in 5 probability of funding success any day of the week with far less up front work.

Data Source: http://ift.tt/2gcgVzT as of July 20, 2017

If you look at that graph of successful fundings above (in white), you’ll notice that it’s pretty much a straight line of revenue from $0 to $25M unless you are one of the Big 3 who raised approximately $230M, $150M, and $100M.

So that curve is what you often hear in the startup and VC industry. Everything follows a Power Law curve. That’s the picture above. A few massive winners, and then a bunch of smaller players.

For example, the bottom 42 companies raised $225M in total. That’s the same that the #1 company raised. Crazy, right? It’s also the same if you add #2 and #3 together. Again, about $250M.

So, the #1 company raised about $250M. The #2 and #3 companies together raised about $250M. And the rest of the group (#4 through #45) raised about $250M. Then everyone else raises zero.

So if you raise some type of money, you have a 3 in 45 (or 1 in 15) chance of hitting a home run or grand slam. Call it 5% probability. Still not bad compared to the standard startup / VC funding game.

That’s because of human behavior. We’re lemmings. Like 5-year olds playing soccer, everyone is running around chasing the same ball. It’s the same thing playing out in public company stocks.

The top 5 tech companies together have a $3 trillion market value (Apple, Amazon, Facebook, Microsoft, Alphabet). Took them decades to get there, but they did it. Compare that to less than $1B market value for these recent ICOs.

The Equation. So now to the fun part, if you’re interested in STEM. The power-law regression line that predicts the amount you’re going to raise on this curve.

The r-squared is about 0.5, which is pretty good because a perfect correlation would be 1 and no correlation would be 0. But, you can tell just by looking at the chart with your eyes that it’s the right fit. (By the way, do you know that this is considered Artificial Intelligence? Yah, kinda funny when you see it like this right? Not so scary.)

y = 2E+09x^-2.369

y is your total capital raised

2E+09 is a shorthand for 2x10⁹ or 2 with 9 zeroes behind it

x^-2.369 is where you input where you think you are going to fall along that 1 through 45 company line. So enter a number, 1 or 2 or 3 etc. That part is up to you based on your confidence of an ICO.

The actual equation predicts a company could raise $2 billion if you follow the curve out up and to the left. As so:

Which means we haven’t seen nothin’ yet for that white line of reality. But it also means that it’s only going to be 1 company who does it. And that means it’s likely going to be a full stack coin, from protocol layer (think HTTP on the web), through transmission layer (think URLs on the web), to enterprise enablement layer (think Facebook’s platform for business ads) to consumer layer (think Snapchat itself).

A tool, raised to the power of a tool, raised to the power of a tool, raised to the power of a tool.

Don’t forget, Ethereum started life as an ICO but it’s also the underlying technology enabling all these other ICOs. Like the backbone of the internet itself that you can invest in directly.

It’s ICO was only $18M if memory serves, but its current market cap is $20B. That’s in only 3 years.

To put that liquid valuation into perspective, AirBnB (the 2nd most highly funded startup of all time behind Uber) is currently only valued at about $30B after a decade.

So an ICO is growing 3x faster than one of the best startups to ever do it for some really technical protocoly something or other that very few understand compared to freaking hotels.

We’re not just in the first inning, we’re still in the first at bat.

III. The Market Map

The next step in any type of analysis like this is to start to identify the types of projects that are successful and compare them to the types that are not. In doing some, we can begin to develop a gut feel for what has a higher probability of success and what doesn’t.

As we look through the 45 companies that have been successful in 2017, a few things become immediately clear:

Protocol stuff is raising the most money. That’s because it’s still early days and the big problems are about building out infrastructure. That’s why EOS (parallel processing and scalability around transaction speed) raised so much so quickly and put them in the #1 spot.

The next big area is platforms. The ole startup platform play. Today, if you’re not a platform, yer nuthin’. So, we’re going to see platforms for everything start to play out. And then, a platform for platforms. Oy. It’s going to get messy.

The last area we’re seeing is the emergence of consumer-based coins. Something directly related to everyday people. It’s very small, and emerging, but as we know from the rest of the tech industry, the consumer side always creates the most value. It’s not the OLED display maker who is gaining all the profits, but rather Apple with the fully integrated iPhone.

I have an idea for one in the consumer space that I think makes a whole ton of sense that we’ve seen play out time and time again. It all comes back to human emotion. In this case, ego. But we’ll wait and see if someone comes up with the idea, the right approach, and executes on it.

Here’s my ICO List Excel File should you want to continue the analysis.

IV. Helping with Marketing ICOs

I spend a bit of my time as an Entrepreneur in Residence at The Mission and one idea we had that we’re still doing customer development on is whether people would be interested in reaching The Mission’s core audience to market their ICO to a totally new section of the millennial population (not the overly technical early adopters who already visit all the forums).

If so, get in touch so we can chat about any problems you’ve been having and whether you see an opportunity for yourself. A bit on our reach:

Media Presence

2,600,000 page views per month

2,000,000 unique readers per month

360,000 social followers and growing

3,300 hours spent per day reading our stories

220,000 subscribers receive our email newsletter

Audience Demographics

Highly educated, influential leaders

55% men, 45% women

50% have a HHI of $100K+

67% between the ages of 21–49

266% more likely than the average US news reader to have attended graduate school

200% more likely than the average US news reader to have a HHI of $200K+

Full transparency: we are talking to one group about this already who is enabling a number of ICOs through their platform and are one of the successes in the list above.

— Sean Everett

Your Recommended Reading

Cryptocurrency channel

The Base Code investing channel

If you enjoyed this story, please recommend and share to help others find it! Feel free to leave a comment below.

The Mission publishes stories, videos, and podcasts that make smart people smarter. You can subscribe to get them here.

Equation for ICO’s Expected Funding Level was originally published in The Mission on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

from Stories by Sean Everett on Medium http://ift.tt/2tLfpXW

#Stories by Sean Everett on Medium

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newmedia-janesun · 7 years

Text

Virtual Reality History & Interview with Ken Perlin, founder of the NYU Future Reality Lab

this post was originally created for my New Media Research Studio course taken Spring 2016 under the guidance of Professor Carlin Wing.

"Imagine 10 years ago trying to envision the way we use cellphones today. It’s impossible. That’s the promise VR has today. VR at its best shouldn’t replace real life, just modify it, giving us access to so much just out of reach physically, economically. If you can dream it, VR can make it." (Drummond et al.)

Such is the optimistic viewpoint of The Verge on the effect of virtual reality on our daily lives. Virtual reality is defined as the immersive, artificial environment that is created with software, experienced through sensory stimuli, primarily sight and sound, and allows users to determine outcomes using interaction (source: Merriam-Webster Online). We most commonly think of helmet-like headsets, popularized by Oculus Rift (left) and Sony's Playstation VR (formerly known as Morpheus) (right)

But VR technology has been decades in the making, with a long and storied history that has allowed us to experience the innovations being created and consumed today.

A Brief Timeline of the History of VR:

Late 1950s to early 1960s: Douglas Engelbart, US Naval radar technician, posits that computers can be used for digital display. As computers merged with graphics technology and the fears of nuclear attack mounted, many different sources worked on bridging the gap between computation and visual representation. Tom Furness works on the VR technology within the U.S. air force, later to become flight simulators. Radar defense system, data modeling, etc.

1962: Ivan Sutherland invented the “light pen” & Sketchpad software, creating a marketable software for computer graphics. This leads to the possibility of coding immersive visual environments.

1968: Sutherland creates a very basic “head-mounted display” (video below), famously known as "The Sword of Damocles;" the same year, Engelbart releases the first pointing device, or a mouse as we now call it at the Fall Joint Computer Conference in his presentation, known as "The Mother of All Demos." [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtwZXGprxag&w=420&h=315]

1970s: Flight simulators become common practice in the U.S. military; Evans & Sutherland establish themselves at University of Utah to research computer graphics, animation & interactivity. The release of Star Wars IV: A New Hope in 1977 causes people to start noticing the potential of computer-generated graphics. The NASA Ames "Dataglove"

1980s: NASA Ames research group, under Scott Fisher, creates the dataglove, able to track motion of your fingers in a glove and link it to a music synthesizer. Nintendo becomes the biggest buyer of the dataglove technology to create Powerglove, which allowed interactive video gameplay.

1985: Jaron Lanier founds VPL Research, Inc. – one of the first pioneers for a native visual-programming language and commercial sales of VR goggles & gloves. Lanier is credited for popularizing the term “virtual reality.” Eventually, his company goes on to collaborate with NASA's Ames group, linking VPL's head-mounted goggles with the technology of the dataglove.

Limitations of the 1980s: Computer hardware at the time, simply did not have enough processing power necessary to create high-quality graphics at any speed. Since we’ve now entered an era where processing power has virtually zero limits, VR has taken off in the 21st century.

1990s: 1991-93: Virtuality Group created a line of VR-equipped arcade game machines with stereoscopic 3D visuals; head-mounted display visor had two displays (capable of 276×372 resolution) Cost of deployment is prohibitively high for regular consumers to adopt VR technology (not the case anymore!) causing the bubble to burst in the late 90’s to early 2000s. Most famously, Nintendo's epic flop attempt in 1995 at commercializing virtual-reality gameplay using a console called "Virtual Boy," convinced video game companies that virtual reality was a dead end. Boy, were they wrong...

2007-present: A critical turning point was the introduction of the smartphone; with the rollout of the first iPhone in 2007, VR suddenly had a new display medium that people used on the daily. This allowed for rapid prototyping of head-mounted displays such as Samsung's GearVR (developed in conjunction with Oculus) and easy consumer testing, since everyone already knew the operating systems of smartphones. At the moment, multiple companies are specializing in immersive virtual-reality-gaming experiences, with the frontrunners being Sony and Oculus (mentioned/pictured at top) and HTC's Valve Vive system (pictured below). These companies also make joysticks with motion-sensing technology to allow the user to use their limbs in the immersive environment--in the future, I suspect that they will use technologies like the Xbox Kinect or Playstation Move to allow user autonomy while still tracking motion. The largest hurdle is still the sheer processing burden of VR visual rendering on gaming consoles; adding motion-track to the mix will prove to be a challenge that will be solved in the near future.

Update 2/29: Sony just filed a patent on VR gloves indicating their heavy research into tactile experience; in particular, their patent states that the glove can sense "a flex of at least one finger portion...as well as contact sensors" allowing a user to have more articulate control.

In 2016, Oculus has already begun personal consumer preorders for the Oculus Rift gaming system, after its wild Kickstarter success in 2012. While many tech news outlets report hiccups and delays in the preorder release, Oculus' popularity from Palmer Luckey's basement pet project and ever-increasing pool of supporters and funders (such as Facebook's acquisition in 2014) are a very promising sign that virtual reality is the future.

Implications & Questions Arising from VR: I interviewed Ken Perlin on 2/18/16 with some questions about his involvement and research in virtual reality at Courant at NYU.

Perlin has been hesitant to dive into virtual reality, with a background in computer graphics & animation, until he felt that display & computer graphics to get fast enough & small enough for the platform to reach multitudes (approx. September 2014)--now that we have an amazing graphics machine in every pocket via smartphones, we can start making VR/AR widespread. In the future, people will spend a lot of time in a "resynthesized" reality meshing what physically exists (chairs, tables) with things that can be modified by VR/AR (the color of the walls, the objects and people in the room). He also pitches the idea that we could all have VR contact lenses or eye implants, something that would be ubiquitous in a couple decades (Facebook is already exploring these avenues). I asked him if he felt that idea dystopian; he explains: "technology" is what comes after we were born, but what comes before us is normalized--we don't consider speaking to "John" on the phone as unusual, we just think/say "I spoke to John," even though we were really speaking to some electrical signals and not John himself. So this idea can be extended to a conversation with visual virtual reality representation of "John" in our room and we aren't speaking to "a representation of John," we are just "having a chat with John." Once our society normalizes this idea, we no longer worry about the dystopian aspect of it (like smartphones). He focuses his research & development on "shared social reality:" in his words, he says that "I'm interested in life, and life is other people." That last statement really impacted me. His games & VR environments often involve two people wearing restrictive helmets/headsets who cannot see each other, interacting in a virtual environment. How can our interactions with others be enriched by virtual reality? By breaking the geographic boundaries and allowing us to be "in the same room" with those we love? What about when a roomful of people are all experiencing something in VR but not interacting with each other in the moment? (See this creepy photo here)... What do we gain & lose when we promote, as Ken does, the idea that VR and AR are "bringing people together?" The notion that such a seemingly restrictive experience, where you are often in a helmet that limits your sight, can be considered a 'shared social experience' is still troublesome for me: the old traditions of interpersonal social interaction being something that takes place in person has been worn down for the past few decades since the advent of the telephone, but the changes in our social fabric and our ability to interact with each other seems to be deteriorating as we become more and more reliant on devices to keep us connected to those we care about while blocking out those we do not. My thoughts on imaging art & creation in the VR & 360 environments are better found on the 360 Collaborative Travelogue so I've focused more on the social implications in my reflection. I think VR is going to be a hot new "media trend" in the coming decade. Just the fact that Facebook has poured energy into Oculus, the rise of Unity gaming graphics & Steam has allowed more accessibility to VR games for those who own headsets, and Google created Cardboard as a low-cost entry into VR viewing have shown that the tech industry is very optimistic about the future of virtual reality. I think it's important to remember why we use these technologies, whether it is to stay connected with one another or stay engaged and participatory in the world at large or escape from the world into a fantasy game for a little bit. I'm looking forward to see what is coming, but I don't want to evangelize about it as a "game-changer" because we've had new technologies coming out constantly. VR is only at the infancy of its development and adoption, and I'm curious to see how it influences our lives as it matures.

Citations: Burke, Steve. "The History of Virtual Reality & The Future: Rift, Omni, STEM, CastAR | Gamers Nexus - Gaming PC Builds & Hardware Benchmarks."GamersNexus. GamersNexus, LLC, 28 Oct. 2013. Web. 28 Feb. 2016. Link.

Drummond, Katie, Ellis Hamburger, Thomas Houston, Ted Irvine, Uy Tieu, Rebecca Lai, Dylan Lathrop, Christian Mazza, Casey Newton, Adi Robertson, Matthew Schnipper, Melissa Smith, Sam Thonis, and Michael Zelenko. "The Rise and Fall and Rise of Virtual Reality."The Verge. N.p., n.d. Web. 28 Feb. 2016. Link.

"Keynote Remixed: What Happened to Virtual Reality." MxR Keynote Remixed What Happened to Virtual Reality Comments. USC Institute for Creative Technologies, n.d. Web. 28 Feb. 2016.

Perlin, Ken. Personal interview. 26 Feb. 2016.

"VIRTUAL REALITY - History." VIRTUAL REALITY - History. University of Illinois NCSA & EVL, 1995. Web. 28 Feb. 2016. Link.

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