#but instead I'm scrolling tumblr mindlessly

[dont-offend-the-bees]

ugh

#very tired. should defo sleep. #but instead I'm scrolling tumblr mindlessly #feeling guilty and frustrated about having to tell some people i don't wanna be in their rpg anymore #and also grieving my mother who's still alive but on the slow and sad way out having been miserable her entire life since having me #i think actually i should be allowed to go live on a little island and cut off communications with everyone except the gays in my phone #i think that's something i should be allowed to do #I'm tired of pretending I'm not an exhausted little creature who wants to be self centred all the time #i want to live under a rock #i want to hoard every precious second of my one very short life to do what i want with it instead of having all the grief all the time #i want to have a fucking childhood dbc i fucking missed that memo #i want to stop feeling like it's the end of the world whenever i minorly inconvenience someone #i wanna sleeeeeep #but mostly i just wanna not be sad. #can someone make me not sad. #mr. bees speaks

[pisshandkerchief]

his ass is NOT drawing

#I'm so tired there's no way I'm finishing this art tonight. time to mindlessly scroll Tumblr instead

[shadowmyst09]

When you want to do a thing, but there is also another fun thing that you could do. So you just end up doing a different boring thing instead beacuse you can't decide which fun thing you actually want to do.

#me right now #i wanna play zelda #but i also wanna draw #can't choose which one to actually do #so i'm just scrolling tumblr instead #i'm not even trying to find anything interesting #just mindlessly scrolling #i'm so bored #help

[builtyouahousefromabrokenhome]

.

#when i try to focus on work paying bills creative projects etc. my dog is really clingy and annoying #like staring at me or trying to get my attention or soothe me #but when i mindlessly scroll larry/louis thirst blogs she is calm #i see how it is ........... #(well she's really sensitive to my moods - if i'm annoyed or stressed it stresses her out too T^T) #(it's just so funny that she notices i'm calm and happy on tumblr lmao) #also it's worse these days bc she stopped eating in the mornings so in the mornings/noon she's actually hungry and not sleepy #idk what's going on there :/ she eats late afternoons and evenings instead now (used to be mornings and early evenings)

[yukipri]

Wanted to make a quick apology.

There will be no Prime Override chapter update tonight.

Reasons are kinda depresso, so beneath cut. No need to read.

This week has been...rough. I wanted to bask in the satisfaction of having finished my May 4th art, but instead I've been spending every spare moment fighting art theft, some of the art that I'd literally just posted. I've filed numerous DMCA copyright takedown requests on Instagram, TikTok, and Pinterest (well over a hundred here). I know there are more out there. I am exhausted, and it's a second type of burn out, a worse kind, on top of the burn out of drawing.

I wanted to apologize because this means that instead of drawing or writing, I was copy-pasting links and explaining to various social media staff why thieves shouldn't be allowed to post my work. How "do not repost" is on my watermark on my art itself, how it's on all my socials bios, how it's in my FAQ. Instead of drawing or writing, I had to read the comments other folks were giving people who did not contribute a single second to my work.

I was aiming to get a new chapter of the Prime Override out tonight, but I could not even start.

So yeah. I'm sorry. The emotional toll aside, the very real fear-of-safety anxiety aside (since, y'know, filing DMCAs essentially means doxxing yourself to every thief), this also just took up all the time I would have otherwise spent on art and, it didn't happen.

I also wanted to say thank you.

Many times this week I felt like an absolute idiot, a complete and utter fool for bothering to feel motivated and excited about creating, for being excited to share it, when this is the result. Especially after the marathon effort I'd just gone through...it felt like punishment, in a way, for daring to think my work is worth anything. I will, can, and have left fandoms in the past for art theft, and part of me wondered if the time had come for me this time as well.

In those times, I scrolled mindlessly through the comments y'all have left me. Both on my art posts, in the tags and such on Tumblr, and just going through all my fics on AO3, just kinda reading all the kind words you folks have left me on my work blearily through my tears, to remind me why it's worth it, and it's not just people who want to hurt me out there.

The vast majority of you are so kind, so generous, have taken the time to look at my work and give a like, a reblog, a kudos, a retweet, or the greatest gift in the form of your thoughts and allowing me to feel that I've connected with you.

So thank you. I've had a rough week, but I'll get back up again. I'll try to get out the next chapter, the next art, as soon as I am able. Until then, please know that I appreciate you, and I hope that my future work can mean something to you too.

#YukiPri rambles

[mono-red-menace]

Im happy you're doing well Adi ❤ I wish you luck on your journey

thank you so much!

i'll be honest! i'm really scared right now, but i want to keep optimistic, yk?

focusing on how i can do better instead of what im doing wrong is i think the best course of action, yk?

shame and guilt at what you did wrong won't fix the situation, yk?

it's funny bc the staff kept putting like "pt reserved. pt refused to come to group. pt remained in room all day." in the notes as observation, which, fair, that is what i was doing,

but like, i can't really focus on my problems as well when I'm in a state like that at home, yk? it's too easy to fall into bad behaviours. but like. tangible punishment for hurting myself (embarrassment and being kept for longer than i want), an environment where i can't easily turn to my unhealthy coping mechanisms (scrolling mindlessly thru tumblr and youtube), and also just a different environment really helped me to sit and therapy talk to myself for a while.

i struggle to do that at home.

but it was really funny to see the staff in the notes basically saying "pt resisting treatment" in the notes. when i'm in there like. "this happened and made me feel this, so i did this, which caused this. if this happens again, maybe i can try this, instead" and challenging my negative thoughts directly and stuff.

like i know i know im not doing inpatient your (the facility's) way, but it's the only way i could handle things, yk? i can't do it your way, lol.

#long post

[just-anka]

Hello tumblr! Once again it's been a while. I deleted the tumblr app off my phone a while ago (along with instagram) because I was spending way too much time and energy scrolling mindlessly, and I've been feeling a lot better that way. I do still occasionally check on people on the browser version haha but I miss posting on here and collecting all these little details of my life, so maybe I'll come back a bit more again. Idk.

Anyway, work is still a lot - I'm in the final six months of my PhD now and I'm really, really ready to get this thing done so I'm just working as hard as I can right now. It actually feels good to really put my focus into it and just do my best to take care of myself otherwise instead of always pushing everything at once. I do miss having more time and energy for other things, but when I try to work my hardest at work, skiing/climbing/cycling and writing all at once I just get burnt out, and after two years of essentially killing myself with all the things I wanted and did, it's been nice taking it a bit slower now. I haven't skied anywhere near as much this winter as I did the past two years, but that's okay. I'm finally starting to feel some psyche for running again - been a very long time since that fire has truly been there and I'm just enjoying it right now, even though I'm not running anywhere near as much as I used to. And I'm having a lot of fun climbing without trying to push too much. So it's all good.

Ben took three months of unpaid leave this winter to do a ski season and compete in freeride competitions, which was pretty awesome and I'm so happy he got to do that. It meant we spent most of the winter apart though, so when he came back last week I decided to take a few days off so we could spend some time together. All pretty last minute but we found this incredibly nice cosy airbnb chalet, in one of the most beautiful areas of our mountains that I've ever been to, and had a perfect mini holiday. Had lots of fun skiing and ski touring, but also resting and eating nice food and sitting by the wood stove and playing boardgames and catching up on time together. I came back feeling a lot better mentally, and more ready to give my all for work again.

#personal #mini update #skiing #ski #ski mountaineering #mountains #val d'anniviers #future home? #my mountains #valais #switzerland #skier #girls who ski #climbing #climber #life update #phd stuff #academia #zurich #ben

[yunszn]

WHO THE HELL IS JAKE SIM?

04. keeho the ladies man

p sjy x fem!reader s a player you insult in a game turns out to also be a streamer, a very cute one w kissing wc 0.5k g smau , fluff 〰 mlist

You hear Jake sigh from behind you while you finish turning off your stream.

"Is everything okay?" you ask.

"Not really," he says. "My roommate is having some girls over and wants me to stay here for the night."

"Your roommate is that Keeho guy, right?" You question, trying to steal some time to think. You can't just leave him alone at night or have him bother his roommate. You know that would be awkward.

"Yeah, a ladies man, if you couldn't tell."

"You can stay here. It's fine with me. You'll have to take the couch, though, since we don't have any more beds besides mine and Karinas," you explain, and he nods in agreement.

"Thank you so much. I owe you big time," Jake exclaims, hugging you.

You do some chores after, and Jake runs after you like a dog. Somehow, the two of you end up sitting on your balcony, admiring the city lights.

"Thanks again for letting me stay here, Yn." Your heart jumps at the way he says your name, as it flows naturally off his tongue. He smiles at you widely and carefully moves closer.

"You know, I'm going to kick you out if you keep saying thank you," you joke, to which he laughs. "I'm being serious!" you say, hitting his shoulder.

It's nice being around him. Sometimes you feel like you've known him your whole life and not for a mere two weeks.

"I like being with you, honestly. It's so fun, I can't remember the last time I had a friend who wasn't Keeho," he admits, looking you in the eyes.

"Friend?" you ask, your hand sliding up his arm.

"Yeah, we're friends, right?" he replies, pretending to be oblivious to the situation.

You kiss him lightly, letting the taste of your lips linger. He smiles into the kiss, caressing your back simultaneously. The moment is broken when a notification sound comes from your phone. You sigh, looking at the message.

'Some of us are trying to sleep, Yn.'

You laugh at Karina's message, getting up to finally go inside. Jake looks at you confusedly, to which you just pull him to his feet, saying it's time for bed.

You snuggle up in your warm covers, but the thought of Jake doesn't leave your mind. He's probably going to break his poor back on that sofa.

Making your way through the darkness, you enter the living room. Jake is still awake, scrolling mindlessly on his phone.

"Get up," you order.

"What? Are you kicking me out for real now?" he pouts. "Where are we going?"

You drag him along to your room again, pushing him to lie on the bed.

"Sleep before I change my mind." Your voice comes out harsher than you meant it to. When you're back in your place, your mind is relieved, and you can finally go to sleep.

Sleep comes to you easily after you cozy up on a certain someone's chest. Jake notices but doesn't mind, instead pulling you closer in his embrace.

The next morning you wake up well-rested, but your bed is empty of one person. You find Karina in the kitchen, having her morning coffee.

"Good morning to you too, sleepy head!" she teases.

"Where's Jake?"

"Oh, he left earlier; he said he had some things to take care of," Karina explains, pouring you a cup of coffee as well.

Why did he have to leave so early? It's probably nothing.

PREV — NEXT

from z — first written part ayo

५ tags — @drunkenlydazed (send ask or msg to be added)

© yunszn on tumblr 2023

#kpop #enhypen #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen jake fluff #enhypen jake sim #jake sim #sim jaeyun #sim jake #jake #smau #jake smau #enhypen smau #streamer au #kpop smau #kpop fanfic #wthijs? ⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ yunszn #yunszn ⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚

[bipdf]

my college starts tomorrow, and i'm wasting my time on tumblr scrolling mindlessly instead of preparing for my big day.

#i need to iron my whole wardrobe; wash my cycle; get new notebooks; arrange my assignment files and what not 👽 and here i'm sitting idly #i haven't even brushed my teeth yet I'M SO HUNGRY #i'll go do that first

[roseverdict]

A New Normal

After the events of the Nether Battle, Mango and Purple try to figure out where they stand with each other. When Purple sees Mango as a father figure (and has serious baggage regarding parental authority) and Mango is still trying to regain control of his temper (after all, he'd been in a grief-stricken rage for months beforehand), however, things don't always go as planned.

Sometimes they react on instinct in the worst ways possible.

Also on AO3! link in rbs so tumblr doesn't hide this haha

so. i'm writing abt sticks now. the adhd event is UNREAL this month fdsahfjkslfhlsdj hurt/comfort bc i just Can't Not

〜

Mango flicked through his wallet and grimaced.

As it turned out, a side effect of pouring himself into his quest for vengeance had been focusing purely on that. Not on anything that could have happened after.

(Of course, Mango knew the real reason for his shortsightedness had been far more deliberate, but he didn't really want to unpack all of that quite yet.)

As a result, his spending habits had worked under the belief that he wouldn't need to worry about money once he finished the job. Getting ahold of a command block without going into Minecraft himself had cost him quite a pretty penny, and so had the constant purchases of metals and magics.

And yet, here he was, dethroned, directionless, and somehow done with his plans anyway.

His wallet and the measly handful of bills inside were mocking him.

He would need to figure out a way to build his savings back up, and fast, or else-

"Uh…hey, Mango," came Purple's voice from the kitchen/den/entryway, "did you want me to start on dinner? I think I'm getting pretty decent at boxed macaroni."

Mango closed his wallet and poked his head out from the bedroom hallway. "Sounds good. I'll be right out."

Purple nodded and walked just around the corner, and Mango heard them start running the faucet.

Mango stepped back and slumped against the wall. Hopefully he'd be able to scrape together enough for a grocery run soon; he wasn't sure how many more days in a row he could eat macaroni before he got sick of it.

With a sigh, he pulled out his phone and started scrolling through Stickdeed. There had to be something out there somewhere that paid enough to support two people instead of just one person- and one person who was able to cheat and spawn his own food into reality, at that.

He scrolled almost mindlessly past the dozens he'd already applied for in the past few days, already knowing that any more attempts would get him a "Sorry, you've already applied here!" page and nothing else. There looked to be one from a small, locally-owned business on the outskirts of town that had just opened up recently, so he sent in his resumé and went looking for the next one-

Something crashed to the ground in the kitchen with a clatter and a splat, and Purple yelped in surprise.

Mango was already scrambling out into the main room by the time he fully processed what he'd heard, and by that point he could already see the absolute mess of moist noodles on the floor, the newly-dented pot rolling slowly away, and the completely-frozen Purple standing between the sink and the stove.

No, wait, on a closer look, Purple was shaking slightly.

Oh boy.

"Purple?" asked Mango, carefully stepping forward.

As if jolted into motion, Purple dropped down to the floor and hastily started scooping the fallen pasta back into the pot. "I-it's fine, nothing's broken, haha, I just dropped it but I'll take care of it, I promise-"

"Purple, breathe," Mango pressed, stepping a little closer.

This got Purple to breathe, but much too quickly to be any good. "Y-you don't have to worry, I'll get this cleaned up and get dinner going i-in just a few!"

And in a moment that he immediately regretted, he snapped:

"Purple, listen to me!"

Purple went as still as a statue, then nodded meekly.

Right away, Mango wanted to hit himself. Barely a week after the Incident and he was already blowing it. Good going, genius.

He swallowed, then tried again. "Look, I promise I'm not mad at you. It's probably a good idea for you to go cool down a bit, alright? I'll get this cleaned up."

Blankly, Purple nodded, then got up and walked stiffly away.

Mango dropped his head into his hands.

He wasn't sure which would be worse: if he'd done all of that to Purple himself…

…or if somebody else had gotten the ball rolling for him.

Still, the mess wouldn't clean itself up.

Mango picked up where Purple had left off and scooped the remaining noodles into the dented pot, nearly scalding himself in doing so before he remembered he still had a roll of paper towel on the counter.

How hadn't Purple reacted to the heat of the water? Or of the noodles, for that matter-

-and that was enough thinking about that sort of thing for one night. He was already spiraling; he didn't need to make it worse.

A glint of light got in his eye when he shifted to collect the last few noodles, and when he looked for the source, the framed photo of himself and Goldenrod reflected the setting sun directly into his eyes.

Mango sighed, hefted the pot onto the counter, and picked up the frame.

Goldie sat on his shoulders, draping himself over Mango's head and waving to the camera with one hand. Mango himself was caught mid-laugh.

The two of them looked so happy.

What would his son think of him now?

He let himself sag a little, then steeled himself and marched himself to the bedroom hallway.

(Well, it felt like marching, anyway. To any outside observers, it probably would have looked more like a nervous shuffle.)

His own door was still closed, as it had been before, but Purple's door, usually open save for when they were trying to sleep, was closed as well.

Mango took a steadying breath, lifted his hand, and knocked gently. "Purple? You okay in there?"

"…yes."

Mango bit back the instinctive urge to point out how stilted their response had been and instead turned so his back was leaning against the door. "That's…that's good to hear."

God, how was conversation so difficult?!

"I, uh…I wanted to apologize," said Mango, fiddling with the frame in his hands. "I snapped at you earlier when you were already panicking. I, uh…I shouldn't have done that. I could probably blame it on my temper, but that wouldn't change the fact that I still raised my voice at you when it was the opposite of a good idea. I'm…I'm sorry, Purple."

There was no response.

Mango grimaced. "I…I can't guarantee that I won't slip up like that again. I think I'd been so focused on my plans for so long, it's…it's hard not to slide right back into that mindset. I can tell you that I'll try, however. You deserve at least that much."

Still nothing.

After a moment more, Mango slid down until he was sitting at the base of the door. With a bitter smile, he snorted. "Don't know why you stick around, honestly. I…I hurt you with a lot more than with a frustrated order. You didn't deserve any of it, but I still gave it to you anyway."

His mind helpfully brought up how often he'd snapped at, swiped at, and even (in one particular noteworthy instance) slammed Purple into the ground several stories below.

"You're a good kid, y'know that?" Mango was saying now, no longer quite as able to keep his mouth in check and scrubbing at his eyes with one hand. "You deserve so much better than an angry old man like me. I'm so sorry, kid, I-"

The door opened inwards, and Mango felt himself tip backwards for a moment ("Whoa-!") before he was being twisted around and clung to like a lifeline.

He swallowed the rising lump in his throat and shifted slightly so he could return Purple's hug without his lower back screaming at him.

Purple sniffled into his shoulder, then managed a quiet, "S'okay."

It really wasn't, said a part of Mango's mind that had been all-too-happy to come back to life that day in the Nether. The kid shouldn't be just accepting this, what the hell?! Who hurt them? Besides Mango himself, of course.

"…you wanna go out for dinner?" asked Mango unsurely. "Maybe…I don't know, pizza or something?"

Purple snorted wetly and nodded. "Sounds good. And…you're not that old."

#animation vs minecraft #avm #avm purple #avm mango #avm king orange #avm fanfic #rosie writes #sticks #WHEN THE FAMBLY FOUNDS............... #purple *stitch liloandstitch voice*: it's little and broken but still good. yeah. still good #mango: huh??? we've both got problems up the wazoo tho??? #I'M #I #I HAVE A LOT OF EMOTIONS FOR STICK FIGURES RIGHT NOW #macaroni au

[madmaryholiday]

so i WAS gonna organize some stuff in my room today, but my dad just HAD to nag me about cleaning my room and point out all the places i could "start" and now the thought of doing any of it makes me want to peel my skin off.

AND this has had the handy side effect of making me afraid to start playing fallout 4 now lest dad barge into my room again and demand to know why i'm not cleaning.

so instead of doing either of those things, i'm just sitting on my bed, mindlessly scrolling tumblr.

cool.

#fun with mental illness #seriously i'm afraid now that if i start doing anything it'll just attract attention #and therefore more scrutiny #and more specific demands for cleaning #so instead i'm just. not doing anything. cleaning OR fun. #it's so fun being so deeply avoidant #also my headache is more annoying than usual today so that's not helping #fun with chronic pain

[mavriarch]

I came to Tumblr for a 10 minute, mindlessly scroll, brake and instead I've spent the last 30 minutes obsessively booping anyone I can in my dashboard and I almost forgot I'M STILL AT WORK

#tbf my day has been terrible #cant wait to clock out #so the boop session really gave me some much needed serotonin #at least I'm wfh today so

[figuringitoutasigoalong]

You ever feel like you're entering a season of preparation? Like, that a decision has been made, and things are being taken care of, but now you have to prepare?

Although I don't make it as obvious on here, I'm not quiet about the fact that I am a Christian. If you're friends with me, you know it. What most people don't know is that the past few years I've felt a disconnect and growing distance. Don't get me wrong, my faith never floundered! But it was like I was wrapped in something that made it hard to see and hard to move, like some sort of shroud.

At first I attributed it to grief over mother's death. Then I chalked it up to stress at work. Then I thought it was the loss of my job. It affected me enough that both my father and sister started to question if I was depressed, which, yeah, maybe I was, a little.

But in truth, while all of the above were factors for sure, at the crux of it, the main problem was, I had let myself slip in my walk with Christ. I went to church. I went to Sunday School. I sang on praise team, taught missions in VBS, showed up for things. But I wasn't connected.

A few weeks ago, I took a break from the internet. For a week, I stayed away, and focused, instead, on my relationship with God. It was a fast of sorts, where instead of thinking about God every time I was hungry, I thought about him every time I went to open Discord, or thought about mindlessly scrolling tumblr. It was honestly a very good thing for me, in so, so many ways, and it helped me reconnect. While I'm still struggling some, it made a big difference.

Last night at church, we prayed for our mission partners. Some are new churches. Some are groups. Some are just people. But during that a clear thought from my heart came across. "I wish I could do that." The moment the thought came across, so clear and articulated, I knew it was true, and it had been for a long time.

Mama always knew that one of us--my sister or me--would be a missionary of some sort. That hadn't seemed to have happened. But if I've learned anything, it's that things don't always happen when we think they should.

I have a very high loyalty to my family. I have always looked out for them, helped to take care of them, felt it was my duty to take care of my family. I've helped raise my little sister. I've been a caregiver for my mother for years at a time. I worry about leaving Dad alone.

None of my jobs have ever worked out long-term. I'm always let go or forced to resign at some point. I work, and I work hard, but I can't seem to keep a job, which is frustrating.

Today, as I was doing my prayer time, I focused for a moment on what my heart had articulated. "I wish I could do that." And that's when it occurred to me.

My sister is married with a family, and wonderful in-laws. She's taken care of.

Mom died three years ago. She's with Christ. She's taken care of.

Dad is dating a great woman, and wants to marry her. He's taken care of.

I'm not locked into a job, like I would have been, if I was still at the school and had gotten tenure.

I'm not married, I have no family of my own, and I'm not even dating.

By all accounts, I have no duties or obligations anymore that hold me in place. Yeah, I'm about to start a new job on the 8th, but it's not the same as a carrier. I'm not tied to it in the same way. Everything that would tie me down, that would keep me in place is taken care of. And this job just fell in my lap.

I don't think everything is ready yet, for whatever is coming. I think that maybe this is all a step. But God is taking care of the things that tie me down, making sure they're cared for. And He's giving me what I need for the moment. I think that I'm entering into a time of preparation. Preparation for what? I'm not sure. Something with missions. How long will I be in preparation? I don't know. Could be a day, could be a decade. I'll find out.

But I think I'm being prepared for something. And it's scary. But it's good. I just need to stay aware, and keep moving forward.

And yes, the fact that I'm realizing this during Passion Week, right before Good Friday, just before Easter, a time of dedication, change, renewal, and celebration, is not lost on me.

But God knows I enjoy some good symbolism, lol!

#Katie's strange life #faith #this is definitely something ngl

[missmeganlee]

Here's a little glimpse into how my mind works cause I thought y'all would find it entertaining lol

So I have to get up for work at 8AM tomorrow. It's already 10PM now. All day I have wanted to either A) re-watch Red White and Royal Blue or B) Re-read Red White and Royal Blue (again, cause I already read it once this week lol). I'm in bed trying to figure out what to do with myself before actually going to sleep and both those options occur to me that I could either read or watch RWRB. But, the movie is 2 hours long so that puts me at midnight and I had hoped to already be lights out at that point (notice I say lights out but not asleep lol) so that rules watching the movie out of the picture. So then I'm left with re-reading RWRB (again), which I am hesitant to do because again I had literally just finished reading it 2 days ago, and I do have other books I could be reading, but none that I am in the mood to read right now. So instead of watching or reading RWRB I am making a tumblr post about it and am probably going to scroll mindlessly on my phone for an hour or 2 instead.

It makes sense in my head idk lmao.... oh maybe I'll read some rwrb fanfic instead 👀

#meg rambles #red white & royal blue #red white and royal blue movie #red white and royal blue #rwrb #rwrb movie

[babbincocks]

I virtually exclusively use tumblr on mobile, but tbh, I've been mindlessly scrolling too much and I wanna stop. I've been teaching myself programming instead for now, but I keep getting annoyed with myself, picking my phone back up and just scrolling on here.

So I'm deleting tumblr off my phone 🫡 I might be back someday (tbh, I don't remember my login info exactly lol), but I'll be gone, possibly just for now! If you feel you mindlessly scroll too much as well, legit try to do new things! Things that get you socializing or that you find fulfilling and cool!!

Hope everyone who follows me has a great life, regardless of whether I come back! Wish me luck with my endeavors! Much love 💜💜💜

#bye little people in my phone 💜 #stay absolutely beautiful

[callioope]

I want to scream into the void and rant about offline stuff, but I also feel this huge hesitation of posting too much detail on the internet, so, here's as short and vague as I could pare it down to:

just basically feeling super overwhelmed by "adulting" offline stuff including: buying a new house, moving but taking several months to actually pack/move/unpack, selling the old house, shopping for more furniture to fill the new house, being constantly ill since early October, researching and choosing new doctors (including primary care and OBGYN), having a rough stretch of OCD and anxiety ickiness, having to stop fencing for medical reasons (not related to fencing, i did not get injured, i just have Other stuff going on), and experiencing the general holiday fatigue of gift shopping and event hopping

I spend my free time handling the above items, on top of the usual daily chores of, you know, laundry and cleaning and "what do you mean i have to make another meal again i just ate"

and i haven't really had any time to connect with my creative outlets -- posting on tumblr, writing, playing the uke, even DND to a small extent (not enough time to put into character building between sessions) although DND has been like the ONE thing still happening

and it just sucks and I want to write but when I finally do get time I'm just so tired, so i just ended up scrolling mindlessly on tumblr or watching dumb youtube videos -- if I'm lucky instead I'll watch an actual play show but for a bit I was caught up on CR and Fantasy High and didn't know what to watch next because the next season comes out so soon so I don't want to get caught up in something else

[side bar: been working my way through one-shots, finished the amazing Escape from the Bloodkeep and I'm almost done with Mice and Murder. Mice and Murder has been super fun and entertaining and I kinda want to play a clue style rpg now -- side side bar but i collect clue variations -- and with the RO anniversary on my mind I've been wanting to read like a clue or sherlock holmes style AU but i have been having trouble finding one? like it can't have been 7 years with no sherlock holmes type rebelcaptain AU? maybe i need to try different AUs or search terms or filters? anyways. would also read a shadowgast murder mystery AU too, still mostly reading shadowgast fic anyways although EVEN FIC I haven't been reading as much either, but the RO anniversary had me thinking about Them again a little bit]

anyways i kinda felt like posting here would help me feel a little bit more connected, i guess, to the creative side of myself? since this is sort of my primary creative outlet, or used to be, if that makes sense.

also i saw a post about something called get your words out, which had some writing goals that looked attainable even for me with all the Stuff happening, and that has felt a little bit like -- something to maybe look forward to, to maybe help me get back into things... I don't know if I'll pledge yet and maybe I'd just do something for myself in that vein but yeah. something more interesting to think about than searching my insurance website or shopping for shelving or chairs or sofas...

gonna go back to watching Mice and Murder. thanks for reading this rant.

#the latest with liz #liz rants