#but im afraid of posting meta or posts here anymore

[bellamyblake]

Random Bellarke moments (pt.6)

#the100edit #bellarkeedit #bellaarke #dailyclarkegriffin #the100daily #bellamyblakeedit #clarkegriffinedit #the 100 #bellarke #i can't get over the pain in his eyes #the tears #i can talk a bit more about this moment here #but im afraid of posting meta or posts here anymore #so just being quiet now #my gifs

[wolfjackle-creates]

broski I beg of u to tell me about your Danny is Clark’s nephew wip im so intrigued

@hailsatanacab also asked about this one! I shared two snippets for them so check out Part 1 and Part 2. (about 900 words total between the two asks.)

This was inspired by the discussion on a prompt you made ages ago, actually! Here's the post. The main prompt isn't the inspiration, however. It was the comment about Danny joining the JL and [insert spiderman meme here].

Let's see if I have anything I can add. (I changed things enough when posting the first bits that everything else I have doesn't fit anymore.)

Eh, fine. Just went through and wrote another 600 words.

-----

Danny winced. “Yes, Uncle Cl— Kal. Uncle Kal.” Danny glanced next to him and realized Constantine had moved several feet away and was deliberately trying to not attract attention. He bit back a smile and pulled on the Prince Phantom persona Queen Dora had forced him to learn. “Thank you for your assistance, Laughing Magician. I now declare our deal complete and will make no further claims on you.” He waved his hand producing a piece of parchment which he handed over. “As promised, your payment.”

Constantine grabbed the paper and backed away quickly. “Great. Glad to do business with you, your highness. Hope your family reunion goes well. I’ll just—” he jerked a thumb over his shoulder, then changed something and disappeared through a portal even as several of the League members present tried to yell at him to stop.

Danny rolled his eyes as he fell back into his more relaxed demeanor. “Oh, please. What more did you want from him? I’ll talk to Uncle Kal and he can decide what is important to pass on. Magician Constantine already told you most of what he knows.”

“Just… come on, Danny,” said Uncle Clark. “We need to talk.”

---

Finding a place to talk to Danny wasn’t the problem, Clark quickly realized. Shaking off his coworkers, however… Bruce in particular did not want to be left out. And Wally was too curious to be put off.

“Danny?” called Clark when he realized the kid wasn’t with him.

“By the viewing window,” said Bruce. “He seems to enjoy the view.”

“Right. Should’ve guessed.” Clark cursed himself silently for forgetting how much the kid loved space. “Batman, please. I know you like to know everything. But can I just talk to my nephew alone? I’ll explain everything I can after, but I need to know how this situation could’ve happened in my own family without my knowledge first without you being there inserting Opinions.”

“Very well. I’ll collect Flash and we’ll leave the two of you alone. But I expect a full report after.”

“I’ll make a peach cobbler, Ma’s recipe, and head to the Manor tomorrow to tell you everything.”

“I’ll let Nightwing know.”

Clark sighed. “I’ll make two cobblers.”

Bruce’s lips twitched upward, but he turned without saying anything more. “Flash! Since this matter is going to be delayed, I believe you still have to file your report on the incident last week.”

Clark chuckled as Flash protested. But he didn’t listen to their discussion, instead joining Danny by the viewing window. He settled an arm around his nephew’s shoulders. “Beautiful, aren’t they?”

“I can’t believe you get to come up here and look out at the stars any time you want.”

“I don’t get up here as much as I’d like, I’m afraid. And when I am up here, it’s because something somewhere is going wrong so I don’t get to appreciate it as much as I’d like to.”

“So, if you’re an alien, does that mean Dad’s an alien, too? Is that why he is the way he is? Am I part alien?”

Clark laughed and ruffled Danny’s hair. Like this, it felt almost insubstantial, like passing his hand through mist. “Fraid not, kid. No one knows why your dad is the way he is. I can’t remember how often he was tested for the meta gene.”

“Once a year every year from the time he was six until he was twenty-two and graduated undergrad and started living on his own. Then he stopped for a few years. Until he started dating Mom. He accidentally broke her apartment door once and she insisted he get tested again.”

Clark wanted to laugh, but all he could remember was Danny’s earlier statement. “Danny… Are you…safe with your parents?”

-----

Again, anyone is free to continue this! If anyone wants, I can combine everything into one post to make it easier to do so.

#dpxdc #danny fenton #clark kent #danny is clark's nephew #clark is danny's uncle #first time writing clark pov #hope there's no glaring errors

[blole-hack]

max omg, yk the nickname situation regarding katsuki and izuku as toddlers, well?? forgot that katsuki also literally only cared that izuku couldn't read as well as he could ("you mean you can't?" directed at izuku, glancing back at izuku, really tightening his izuku goggles as much as damn possible). and that even if in that situation katsuki was just looking for attention from his peers and to tease izuku, that means he was specifically enthralled by izuku's attention and also implies that he subconsciously thought izuku was worthy of attention from him and wanted a reaction out of him. and THEN katsuki then proceeds to continue using the nickname for izuku whilst hiding under the flimsy false pretense that he thinks izuku's dumb and useless which we both know is him being full of shit. i'm not even exaggerating when i say my boy is and always has been obsessed. i'm. having so much brainrot rn

edit: FOR CONTEXT for what i will say below READ @justawhoresblog 's post here first

OlivER Oh my god YEAHHH YOURE RIGHT QJDJWJJSW

HES SO ATTENTION SEEKING

in some way he does want izuku to admire him, because he wants to show that hes better than him *at stuff* and only him.

like "can you do that izuku? lol u cant"

its not just "hah u suck" but also "hah izuku im better than you, seE"

to connect with the recent chapters;

Man, his feelings for him really run deep and complex

He wants izuku to think that he's better than him, because he wants Izuku to look up to him and think he's great. Which means he wants Izuku's attention, subconsciously even since he was a kid.

Hes afraid of izuku surpassing him, because hes afraid of being left behind by izuku. He's afraid of that because he wants to be with Izuku. But he's also scared of Izuku which is why he wanted to push him away,, but that's exactly why he's afraid of izuku surpassing him. So he also wanted Izuku to back down and be afraid of him instead, but it also gets complicated because he also wants Izuku's attention.

Maybe its because deep down he really thinks he isn't good enough. No matter how arrogant he looks he really has a twisted sense of self worth. Deep down he really seeks Izuku's approval, which ties into (his almost final moments-)

He wants to be perfect as how everyone expected him to be, but its more important to him that

He also kept comparing himself Izuku, but that makes sense because you want to make someone you deem awesome admire you, and since they're awesome to you you want to be better than them too, especially with all the societal pressure in MHA.

in the words of Lil Nas X, "I wanna fuck with those I envy. I envyy-"/j im sorry

AND NOW HE DOESNT WANT TO BE AHEAD NOR BEHIND DEKU

he FINALLY ACCEPTED THAT HE JUST WANTS TO BE BY HIS SIDE

FUCK BEING BETTER AND BEING THOUGHT OF AS A BIG DEAL THAT THE STRONG WANTS TO FIGHT AGAINST

Fuck being better than deku

in SHORT WOW bakugo has had bakudeku angst longer than deku???

and also MORE PARALLELS

Since Deku's admiration to Bkg and All might both foil and parallel one another

Bkg's admiration to Deku and All might also both foil and parallel one another (the desire to surpass them...but deep down actually really looks up to the other? i mean it was obvious in the case of All Might but he DID keep it suppressed and hidden) but idk thats a topic for another dayyy OR for someone else to cover since I'm too shy to write actual metas

AND THIS may BACK UP THE CASE FOR DEKU NOT BEING MEANT AS MALICIOUS AT FIRST! And the other scenes and in the "de-izuku" moments because he subconsciously refered to him as such in times he didnt have bad feelings towards him anymore. It might have just started as a way for Bkg to get attention from him.

For (younger) Bkg, everyone else was already, by default extras compared to him. It is by default that he's better than everyone else. It is only Deku (and kind of All Might and other adults but they arent peers so it doesnt count) that he ACTIVELY TRIES TO PROVE he's better than him. And thats because he sees something in him. (which is obvious now in hindsight now that he explicitly said how he feels but man was i dense THE SIGNS WERE THERE ALL ALONG)

Also man rewatching some parts of the Bkg vs Uraraka fight

the reason why he was so passionate about defeating her is partially because of deku right

"Don't underestimate me" he told her. But iirc he kinda had no reason to besides *looks at deku*

how he thought Deku was looking down on him. man i didnt even cover that yet

one's thoughts abt how someone they like feels about them gets warped by their insecurities

an added oof the balance of all of BKG's complicated feelings. Its precisely that he thought that someone he wanted to like him ACTUALLY looked down on him made him so upset at deku right?????

RIGHT

WAIT

if thats NOT GAY WHAT IS WHAT ISSS-

#i always thought izuku fell first and bk didn't really but DAMN U OPENED MY MIND #bakudeku #bkdk #im riffing off other metaposts but mm writing it myself finally made me wrap my head around it #goddamnit BKDK needs notes to understand #FINALLY! CONCLUSIVE EVIDENCE bkg wants dk's attention

[vsa-pieldepapel]

Charisk anon again, sorry I keep talking about UT, but uhhhhh. I feel like sans has the weirdest relationship with frisk. Like, sans knows something is up and kinda knows about the time travel thing. Kinda knows that they’ve killed the underground. Definitely knows they’ve saved the underground. Sometimes they talk to themself or act briefly like someone else. They flinch at inane things, like ketchup spills, or comments about beautiful weather. He kind of loves them. Is very afraid of them, too.

They’re also able to see through his facade, which is terrifying. They know him better than he knows them, which is a difficult thing to do. But they’ve had more time to figure it out than he has, haven’t they? They’ve been able to try again, and again, and again. What happens when they get bored?

So here he is, trying to appease this child who has the whole timeline in their hands.

Would you still love me if I told you I dont really care about sans sjdjshdjshd……… He and papyrus were probably my least favorite of the entire UT cast and I like sans mostly in the context of… Soriel, not really Frisk… haha (gets sniped)

Im still posting this because other people could enjoy the concept enough to write it as an existential horror oneshot (vibe I got from it at least) and its definitely cool even if I dont have that much to say about it… unrelated sperg below after the sans slot. Thank you for still sharing your ideas charisk anon, listening to new takes on stuff is always cool even if I have no strong opinions on it!

Maybe it’s because I treat each run as a separate incident, instead of treating the default timeline as having hundreds of resets on it. I think your idea is interesting, but I don’t have much to add on it because I rarely think about the timeline stuff outside of the context of it being meta commentary on the player

<autism_infodump> (meta analysis-wise i find Toby fox’s penchant for guilt tripping the player for playing and replaying the game intriguing) I extricate myself as a player from undertale, treat the player as a faceless entity (sorry Toby I know you wanted me to self insert but I cannot)… when you’re not in the Videogame anymore, and try to write stories about the characters with a firm fourth wall, it becomes strange to implement without direct interaction to allow for the meta commentary (all I state here in my perspective)

Consider how all the implications of genocide ingame because you made the choices that led there, insisting on continuing despite the different points you could turn back at… versus a fanfic, third person, where you did nothing to instigate the narrated circumstances, only observe the events… that’s what I mean. Your direct responsibility changes the emotional punch, Toby fox takes full advantage of the added layer of involvement you have with the media (another game that does this masterfully is Spec Ops: The Line for example)

watching genocide route/snowgrave videos I still oof because you can sympathise with the plight of the characters and Toby is very meticulous about making you care for them (precisely to make you suffer or be happy for them) but I think the blow is different when you are the one triggering these sequences, and third person changes how you process it </autism_infodump>

#doodle #digital #undertale #sans #vsa answers

[icyxmischief]

Also, it was just brought to my attention, not for the first time, that a growing number of content creators on Tumblr specifically would rather their art, graphics, et al be interacted with without any mediation or active engagement, that even tags added to their posts are seen as unwelcome and even rude, that meta and media analysis are now forms of that rudeness. As an educator, as a PhD in the field of visual media analysis, I am reeling and genuinely afraid for the state of critical thinking with younger and younger groups of media influencers and content creators because unlike Instagram or Twitter or other sites, Tumblr was originally intended for the collaboration and recontextualization of original content. Has this changed? Do we never discuss post content in reblogs? Do we simply "stay in our lane" and add it to our blog and always make new posts to express our thoughts and ounter points, even though the posts we are adding onto are didactic tools that help us illustrate the point we're discussing? Do all content creators feel this way, or is this a matter of personal preference?

PLEASE NOTE: I am NOT saying that my view is correct or that my concerns are valid. I could very well be getting out of touch with the function of this platform. But im actually afraid this is indicative of a bigger problem in social media that the collective trauma of the pandemic has worsened: we don't let anything become contentious or controversial, even when it's civil debate, or even when it bears a lot of intellectual fruit ro be reflective of self and others and the things we create to express ourselves. We are all too tired of literally trying to stay alive in a dystopia to face any more potential negativity in our personal spaces, so we just don't "go there." Right? I feel this fatigue too. I get it completely. But it's still a scary trend. We are devolving as free thinkers.

When I make a post, or post an artwork, I know I may only be speaking for me, but I actively expect it to be reblogged and discussed on multiple analytical levels, by a very diverse array of bloggers with different viewpoints. As a painter, I know and robustly respect the idea that the content creator has a right to thei boundaries and to their original work. But does reblogging it to TALK ABOUT IT, to give it more exposure and more varied frameworks for consumption, really constitute rudeness??? I would genuinely like to know.

if Tumblr is becoming another place where intellectual exchange, including (civil, always civil!!!)criticism is seen as an unwelcome "intrusion," then I want to try to respect that (I guess?), but maybe I don't belong here anymore. And maybe it's good I realized that sooner rather than later.

[bunny-banana]

Ermal/reader

Listen, thats deffo not everyone’s cup of tea and I’d only recommend opening that if you’re down for some nice:), explicit, submissive Ermal action. Also, dont come whining into my inbox after you’ve read the warning and still opened it. 

His face flushed as he stares towards the ceiling, your fingers slowly wrapping around his beautiful neck, fingers stroking that prominent Adam’s apple of his before slowly squeezing. You hear him gasp.

"More" he whispers, and doesn't specify if he means the strap hammering inside him or your hand on his neck. It doesn't matter, you'll give him both.

You pound into him and choke him more and in turn, he whines some more, tears forming in his eyes. God, you love the sounds you can tickle out of him.

"Who do you belong to, baby boy?" You grunt as you hit his prostate time after time.

"Y-ughh- you, ma'am. I- oh shit, hghm, I-I'm all yours." he huffs disoriented.

You smirk and pull out much to his dismay.  You pull him by his hair and flip him onto his stomach. And before he could even say a word, you put your hands on the middle of his back, press him into the mattress and roughly enter him again, this time not stopping.

He groans and moans and the whole bed is shaking from you two. You grasp his waist firmly leaving marks on him, and lift him up from the mattress, leaving him on all four. You can hear him whimper under his breath, a voice barely audible.

"Fuckme,fuckme, God,..."

You stop your movements again but keep it inside.

"Bold to just demand such nice things, baby boy."

"Ugh, please fuck me hard, just fuck me, ma'am" He groans louder this time, and much more desperate too. 

"That's better, love" you pull him closer by his hair and give him a peck on cheeks before continuing to fuck him, your hand still keeping a firm grasp on his wild and sweaty hair.  

A few more thrusts and you feel his thighs shaking violently, his eyes rolling back into his skull.

"You close, babe?"

"Hmmm. Can I cum? Please?" He grips the pillows tightly as each thrusts reached deeper inside him, your hands roam his stomach, finally reaching his dick and you feel it twitch at the contact.

"Did you deserve it?"

You start pumping him agonisingly slowly, and the tears in his eyes and the desperation are back on. 

"Yes, I've been good, I've been such a good boy. P-please, let me cum. God, p-please"

You speed up your hand movement, stroking the wet tip with your thumb and giving that bright red length of his a squeeze. 

"You were indeed, my pretty boy.  Then cum for me, Ermal, cum like the needy little thing you are"

"Aghhh"

And with the finale stroke and the final thrust, he came hard, painting your hand white before collapsing face forward into the pillows.

His back was rising and falling to the rhythm of his breathing, slowly getting to a normal pace again but the tears still ran over this face.

You take a shirt and clean him up, before snuggling close him, whiping his tears away and kissing him softly all over his face.

"My beautiful, pretty Erm. You were so good, so amazing." You kiss his lips deeply and he hugged you tightly in his dizzy state of mind.

"My baby deserves some rest now. All tired out after such a great performance"

He mumbles a "hmmm"  as he gently stroke his back before you two drift off into sleep

End

#there will be no god in my life anymore after i click on post here #cant believe im sharing this with tungler dot com #also i wrote that at ungodly 3am but i felt inspired #no i wont elaborate on the inspiration #im lowkey afraid to tag that but we must go through it amirite laydees #ermal meta #how am i supposed to tag this when tunglr will flag me for the tag #anyway shit's sorta s e x e y you've been warned #metamoro #this isnt even metamoro but god at some point we really should invite fabri in for some nice:) time together #ermal/reader

[ot3]

on the ‘what do they become divorced from their original context’ the answer is dry as hell i’m afraid to confirm ! it’s like the people who uwuify south park characters, modern tumblr and twitterina tweens don’t seem able to comprehend the old culture orz …

no but the thing is the south park people are FULLY delusional like there is LITERALLY nothing to south park but outdated 'ant-pc' humor and crude art. i have seen a lot lot lot of south park and am speaking with an extensive amount of knowledge on the series and the characters are incredibly 2 dimensional and the show has little to no overarching narrative aside from a few vague plotlines. so like to turn that into shippable fandom fodder you have to be fully removed from reality

RVB, ON THE OTHER HAND, has a heart and sincerity to it that south park completely lacks. the characters are not exactly super complex but they have a nuance to them that is definitely more than the south park characters are allowed because RVB is a narrative show, not an episodic one. there is conceptually something here that makes sense to engage with from a Fandom perspective. which is why its so fucking funny to me because like.

okay like i haven't seen much of the south park Fandom so i know that this exists. but i dont think its the majority. like. i think most people's attempt to reckon with the horrific ideology south park peddles is the 'its satire' defense. they don't want to completely defang the source material. RVB fans on the other hand seem to want exactly that. like there are a bunch of people who seem to be under the impression that if you stripped out all of the jokes made at the expense of minorities rvb would still somehow not only be funny, but actually better. and i just literally don't think that's true because as much as the shitty very un-pc jokes are jokes in and of themselves, the larger impact of it is the pinpoint accuracy with which the show preserves This Exact Kind Of Guy Anyone Who Was Alive In The 00s Knew. like you lose out SO much of what makes the show Hit if the characters aren't Those Guys.

so when you want to like, woke-ify that canon and bring modern standards of acceptable humor + make these characters have something approximating the mainstream contemporary understanding of queer theory, disability activism, and critical race theory, i think you'd end up genuinely doing a disservice to the show. i'm not trying to say Actually, Calling People the R Slur Is High Art And You Can't Get Rid Of It (the gay jokes however ARE high art and i can say that) but i will say that i genuinely think RVB has a lot of value as a time capsule for early post-9/11 american ennui and i do think attempting to sanitize it would remove the authenticity.

south park is on the other hand a LOT more anachronistic in it's vibe, and the characters in that show aren't a direct 1:1 stand in for any type of real subculture that existed because the characters adopt whatever contemporary bigotry is the exact right level of edgy for the current set of writers. some south park episodes, individually, are of their era but overall the show isn't a meta-level Period Piece in the way RVB is. the show doesn't HAVE that authenticity because it lacks a coherent perspective or ideology to align itself with. i dont know what im saying anymore what were we talking about. this got away from me.

thesis statement: south park shippers are fully removed from reality but people who want red vs blue characters to talk to each other about the split attraction model are slightly less removed from reality, which actually makes it worse

#rvb #THIS GOT LONG AS IT ALWAYS DOES WITH ME BUT LIKE #ITS GENUINELY A FASCINATING COMPARISON

[galacticlamps]

im sorry im sorry im sorry i know it’s been well over a year but i accidentally thought about Short Trips: Deleted Scenes (again) and it’s killing me (again) so i think im just gonna go ahead and post all these stupid thoughts that have been plaguing me about it since i first heard it & maybe that’ll help clear up some space in my head for like, real life things.

Spoilers I guess? It’s like a year and a half old but also high key the most recent 2nd doctor content i believe we’ve gotten which is like, the only negative thing I can say about it

The TLDR version is this:

I literally cant believe how sweet it is? Painful, but sweet. Like. I don’t honestly know what’s more likely - did they set out to write Jamie a nice little straight love interest and just fail miserably at it by constantly likening her to the Doctor AND paralleling the Doctor’s perspective with her ex’s AND putting Jamie’s relationships with both of them in direct tension with each other while constantly letting his with the Doctor win out?

OR - did they do a very 1960s thing and say hey we’re gonna write what’s essentially a story about how much Jamie and the Doctor love each other and release it on Valentine’s Day thinly disguised as a one-off romance with a french lady?

Now, as a general rule, my attitude toward questions like that is usually “don’t know, don’t care, doesn’t matter” - and while I 100% stand by that, I also have to admit that this particular audio seems to pay enough attention to detail that I’d kind of think I was selling it short if I assumed too many of these things were just meaningless coincidences, you know?

Anyway, that’s the most coherent/overarching thought. And here’s a disorganized list of things I absolutely cannot get over about it (they don’t form any kind of argument, mind, they just all happen to live rent free in my head):

- Celine is first taken in by Jamie being an idiot (specifically him claiming not to speak French, in perfect French); likewise, her entrance in the scene where they actually kiss is marked with a little anecdote about her hat getting stuck on a doornail and her scolding it as she attempts to fix her un-tameable appearance, and the narration says Celine “would often clown for Jamie like this” - all of which, while undeniably adorable, don’t exactly strike me as entirely original traits to have been assigned to Jamie’s love-interest (but also Celine is so cool and her perspective on film/media/time is an excellent addition to the long list of dr who characters)

- When they’re in the present, describing Jamie’s relationship with Celine in 1908, they call him her “companion” and highlight his going nearly everywhere with her, which earns a laugh from the 4th doctor (and me as well, though probably for slightly different reasons - but like, is that really all it takes to have a fling with someone in 60′s era who? bc if so...)

- Celine’s ex-fiance is still in love with her and is jealously watching when she kisses Jamie ... and then the Doctor appears beside him, evidently doing the exact. same. thing. They have the following conversation:

“You know, it’s not prudent to spy on people. But then, people in pain can’t be expected to act prudently.”

“Pain, monsieur? You mistake me.”

“Ah, do I? Good, because I rather thought you’d lost something.”

“What would you know about loss monsieur?”

- I’m sorry doc but who do you think you are, saying stuff like that and smiling sadly at the floor to boot? I 100% had to pause it here the first time I listened, just to not throw my laptop across the room. 

- Then when I recovered continued, the Doctor closes the door so they can’t watch anymore and explains “Possessing things comes so terribly easily to some men that losing them can feel cruel, intolerably cruel. In my experience, only the very best of men cannot be tempted to answer that cruelty with more - I do sincerely hope that you are the best of men.” (guess who gets described as the best of men by the end of the audio?)

- Jamie and the Doctor apparently develop a habit of walking along the river in Paris in silence

- During one such walk, Jamie suggests Celine come with them since she already figured out about the Tardis - and when the Doctor’s worried by this, he says he only allowed Jamie & Celine to grow closer “because of Victoria.” Jamie takes offense at the ‘allowing it’ comment and also refuses to admit he knows what the Doctor means about Victoria, which leads the Doctor to say that he knows how fond Jamie was of her - he was too, of course, but with him, “it was different, wasn’t it?” Jamie only says maybe that’s true and maybe that’s not, but his voice catches until he changes the subject

- Jamie doesn’t see Celine for days both times that she’s recovering from the shock and depression of her work being destroyed. In contrast, when the Doctor’s not well, Jamie’s "afraid” and “guilty” and hardly seems to leave his side at all, if his being there “rushing to embrace him” the second he wakes up - after a period Jamie describes as “at least a week” - is anything to go by, anyway. so either bf writers need to learn how to write a committed straight relationship or admit that’s not what they ever intended in the first place

- Oh yeah, and the Doctor spends that week "asleep” in Jamie’s bedroom - no, there’s no explanation as to if that’s where he was when he first collapsed or if it’s where Jamie decided to take him bc why would they feel the need to explain him being there? why was it even relevant to tell us it was Jamie’s room in the first place?

- The Doctor somehow manages to control the Tardis enough to take Celine on one trip to an alien planet and then return to the correct time & place for her to use the footage she recorded there in her new film - and while the audio doesn’t do very much to explain how that was possible, it does treat this as A Pretty Big Deal, and immediately afterward the Doctor has to spend a week communing with his past self (and/or the Tardis?) debating how likely it is that the Time Lords could use this to trace him. When he decides it’s not worth the risk and they have to stop the film from ever being shown to the public, Jamie asks why he agreed to it in the first place, and all he can say is “Because, Jamie, you asked me to!” earning awkward stares from the crowd.

- Oh, but, lest we forget, that little outburst is also immediately followed by him putting his arm around Jamie’s shoulders, and, shockingly, apparently beginning to actually explain the truth about the danger from the Time Lords - until they’re interrupted, of course idk why exactly but the idea of a 60s dr wanting to come clean with a companion but not being allowed to bc the show demands the war games be something of a reveal hurts me in a very good way

- The mental image of “the Doctor and Jamie, resplendent in borrowed evening wear”

- The audio admitting that Jamie’s not very good at subterfuge, and the Doctor asking if he’s going to be alright with them having to steal the film back from Celine - and Jamie’s little “Aye, Doctor” as he feels a ‘glass arrow piercing his chest’ glad to see bf is reading all my letters about exactly how i feel any time something sad happens to james robert mccrimmon

- The Doctor’s anxious to get out of there for obvious reasons, but he hangs around bc Jamie wants to see Celine again - which doesn’t happen, because of her aforementioned shock & depression, but she does leave Jamie a note that ends “you and that Doctor of yours - look after him Jamie, he loves you dearly, as do I.” yeah, if you didn’t want people to draw a parallel there, you could’ve picked, like, any other wording in the world.

- In case you weren’t fully convinced I’ve been reading too much into this whole audio already, consider this: Celine dies in Long Island in 1968, three days before her birthday - 1968 is when this story would’ve taken place in the show’s history (between Fury & Wheel), and dying three days before/after a birthday in America seems a bit... well I had some deja vu from it, anyway

- Four of all people being the one to bring back the film - I know he does it bc Sarah Jane makes him, but personally, I often feel like despite the length of his run, 4 is the Doctor with which we might’ve gotten the fewest glimpses into his interiority, so the fact that it’s him and not one of the more overtly sentimental Doctors makes it feel like it carries even more weight somehow, to me anyway. I think I wrote a post saying roughly the same thing about 4 & Fate of Krelos/Return to Telos but maybe I only did that inside my own head lol. Still, I’m all for any opportunities for Jamie to be one of the few characters to draw some noticeable emotion out of Four, but in fairness I haven’t touched too much of his EU stuff to really be able to compare the frequency with which this happens with other past companions

- Is Four referring to Two or Jamie when he says he got the film from “an old family friend”? Two did the actual stealing, but he probably means Jamie’s involvement - either way, it’s an interesting way of describing old companions - or selves?

- When Jemima goes to call Jamie a thief, Four is “roused” to defend him: “he really was the very best of men” again, any time four freely shows he cares about someone, im over the moon about it

- Oh ha ha, there’s an audio called “Deleted Scenes” featuring the Doctor who’s most affected by junked episodes. And at the end of it, a character who’s spent her life researching and lecturing about a lost film gets to watch it be ‘rediscovered’ after it’s gone unseen for decades. I feel marginally less stupid for reading into the other details of a story like this when it ends up deciding to be to be clever & slightly meta like that

But yeah

all in all, it’s kind of amazing to me that this genuinely reads like they sat down and said okay boys it’s valentines day, let’s write an audio where jamie kisses a girl, since that hasn’t happened except as a plot device in one story in 1967 - but then when they got down to business they accidentally(?) wrote a story all about how important his bond with the Doctor is and how easily that can be compared to a legitimate love interest (even if the love interest in question is a one off character & the extent of the relationship appears to be like one kiss & then having Jamie spend most of his time around the Doctor instead)

I realize there’s something slightly illogical about writing the words “shipping aside” after a post like this but seriously - no matter how many categories you’re able to see two & jamie’s relationship fitting into, this is 40 minutes of big finish just hitting you over the head with how powerful/special/important that relationship is, and with them being two of my favorite characters, i really haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since

#jamie mccrimmon #second doctor #big finish #Short Trips: Deleted Scenes #yes i am gonna tag this #two/jamie #i think it earned it with the line from celine's letter if nothing else #and quite possibly the doctor's so-called imprudent & pain-driven spying #but i'll leave it at that #in case anyone's looking at the tags to decide if they should actually read this rambling monster of a post #also if you for some reason read this but haven't listened to the audio - #a) that's kind of you to care what i have to say but #b) you could probably have listened to half of it by now lol #did i mention it's a stand-alone audio that only costs $3? #and it's more of a traditional audio book format with one narrator who voices all the characters? #sorry i wasn't ready to do a bf pitch in the tags here #i genuinely dont know why someone who hasn't already heard it would bother to read all this #but if anyone has - thanks? #i'll shut up now so you can get on w ur day :)

[koizillaa]

according the canon version who do you think said i love you first? jean or mikasa? i think mikasa cause jean would be so afraid to fuck up

my quick answer for this is always mikasa bc i agree with that reasoning but tbh i can really see it going both ways. hold up im gonna spew some thoughts

i think i've talked about how i think it's a lot more compelling for mikasa to be reluctant about getting involved with jean not because she feels she "owes" something to eren (like love or loyalty; which is a gross and weirdly common hc for jeankasas from what i gather lol) but because she's afraid of getting hurt again. i see mikasa as a character who has always been driven mostly by love despite the cruel ass circumstances of her life (and i'm not even talking only about eren - think of little mikasa trying to lift up the ruins of her home to save carla, mikasa refusing to leave armin behind in trost despite him not having anymore gas, mikasa sleeping at sasha's grave etc) and it has always brought her so much pain. and yes, eren hurt her. no matter if u think he did it for some greater good or to protect her or that he didn't mean a word he said and was on the brink of tears or something (and fr come on), the end result is the same: she loved him and he hurt her.

that being established (and this is NOT meta bc im only trying to be slightly cohesive so yall follow my thought processo lmao) there is a lot of space to hc the fuck out of their lives post canon, but we're not here to talk about the variables of setting/context and the like (that's another post).

so. mikasa being scared to get close, to open up, to accept love, because mikasa has loved so hard for so long and has gotten so hurt in return. and jean - jean knows fear. jean knows what it is to be weak; he's been growing out of it since he was fifteen. so when their relationship comes to a point where the only thing holding them back is that fear, i think he would be very much willing to reassure her that he loves her and they're safe and nothing can ever take him away from her again and they're going to be okay for good this time around.

but i can also see this going the other way too: mikasa being emboldened by her lost loves instead of being afraid of it. she's sacrificed a lifetime of love already for the sake of war and fighting - she can't let this chance pass her by. the world is not the same anymore and she is not the same anymore. she can't ever be. so she holds on to that love and what she learned from it because she's fought enough and what was it that eren always said? if you fight, you can live. so she decides to live, to take the risk, chase her fate, and when the time comes and she sees that huge dick she finally says i love u <333

#IM SO SORRY JFHJBSDFDS

[elriell]

Answer to my LONG ask friend, posting it like this because I imagine it would be way to long or else! 

hi i hope you dont mind me asking, but perhaps any elriel meta will be willing to cover the whole berons alliance with the queen? because i think thats our winning argument in favor of elriels endgame. and i wish im not reaching or overthinking this lol.

why it will be our winning argument? becaue the whole beron pledged alliance to the queen dont mean anything just yet, it hasnt been flushed out yet (sarah left it open ended), and it will definitely be the main conflict in the next book just to set up the final book and war where all the sides has been established whos with who.

because in my perspective, elriels story really will trigger that conflict and rhysands warning in az pov is literally the set up for that conflict.

when i read acosf, i was thinking there is literally no point of beron making alliance with the queen aside him wanting to be the high king, more power, why would he do that when the queen is in the continent and him in prythian, other high lords will surely oppose him being the high king. thus its two (if the queen indeed would help him) versus six since koschei is still trapped in the lake. plus, his alliance is still a secret, surely other courts will learn of it, wont they?

now however possible consequences from elriel, beron perhaps will use the rejecting mating bond—the blood duel—as a reason to declare a war and have other courts against the night court or eris will finally dethrone his father and be the high lord. and with eris being the high lord, isnt that going to be one of the key topic for morrigans book? sarah also confirms morrigan book and she admits that she doesnt know what the novella is going to be, so its same to assume that mor will get a full novel.

fyi, i cant see lucien will challenge azriel though, he is decent and will respect elains choice, but beron as cruel as he is will surely do something sinister.

and i stumbled across an account on twitter and they compare elriels story to helen of troy and the set up of the trojan war is literally the same as elriel. also, beron reminds me of agamemnon in troy movie (2004), both of them want more power. there are a lot of similarities, imo, between elriel and the set up of iliad. in iliad there is also a duel between hector and achilles (this is me reaching lol).

thus, aside from elains connection to the dread trove, elriels conflict also has the logical conflict that tied to the whole overarching plot for the plot of the series to move forward toward the end, because like i said the whole berons alliance need to be addressed and in acosf it hasnt been addressed yet, at least not enough.

im really sorry if i come off as rude by asking this. i would do it honestly, but i dont have the confidence to post anything online (hence, im anonymous) and im not as convincing as the others in terms of flushing the arguments.

also, you are literally keeping me sane when all of elain antis trying their hardest to discredit elriels.

thank you❤️❤️❤️

Hi! I’m that anon who said that Elriel’s conflict with Beron could be the winning argument for our ship since they are tied closely with each other based on Rhysand’s warning in Azriel POV. If you decide to answer that question, would you mind if you answer this one instead? As I’m pretty much still stand on that point however I’d like to add and correct some statements that I think I don’t express clearly in my previous question:)

If you don’t mind, I’d like to post my theory here, anonymously, since I’m not confident enough to post my thoughts online yet as I’m afraid I’ll be judged harshly lol. And perhaps other metas such as you would like to elaborate more on the matter since I think it is a vital plot for Elriel’s book. It’s quite long, I do apologize for that:)

Like I said, Beron allegiance with Briallyn didn’t make any sense to me and it also took me by surprise when I read ACOSF. Why?

A. Briallyn lived on the continent and Beron is in Prythian. Wouldn’t it be better for him to seek an ally that is closer to him instead? We know that Beron wants to be an ally with her because he heard about her ambition. And I suspect that Beron wants to be the High King or kill Feyre since he knows that she has his power. But one thing for sure is that he wants more power.

B. If he indeed wants to be High King or kill Feyre then I don’t believe that the other high lords would comply with him. Therefore, Beron wouldn’t stand a chance against the other high lords and lady in Prythian since it is two (before the queen was killed by Nesta) versus six. Plus, Briallyin lived in the continent thus her allegiance was not something that he could hold on to, imo.

So obviously we know that Briallyn is dead and her allegiance doesn’t mean anything anymore. However, from her allegiance with Beron we now know that Beron for sure set to be the other villain of this new overarching plot alongside Koschei. And I also think that Beron would be the main villain for the next book because a villain as big as Koschei would likely be dealt in the last book.

Now, why is it tied with Elriel? I think Rhysand’s warning in Az’s POV explains it plainly, and I can’t help but think that it is a set up, a foreshadowing, of what would happen in the next book, especially since Koschei’s plotline is not foreshadowed enough in ACOSF and we only know of his onyx box which we get from ACOWAR.

If we acknowledge that Elriel is endgame and their story is next, then Beron surely comes to play in the next book. Their relationship will push the overarching plot one step closer to its climax.

FYI, I can’t see Lucien invoke the Blood Duel himself, he is a decent person so he will respect and understand Elain’s choice to be with Azriel since it is definitely where we are going in the matter of endgame. But, Beron, as cruel as he is, will surely make use of the situation to profit himself, to reach his ambition that is momentarily squashed with Briallyn dead.

These are possible results of what could happen with Blood Duel plotline:

1. Beron would ally himself with Koschei as Briallyn did before because he knows he is outnumbered if he declared a war against the Night Court.

2. Beron could convince other high lords in Prythian to go against the Night Court if Lucien was killed in the Blood Duel, I pray that it will not happen though Lucien deserve some peace and happiness with the woman who wants and loves him voluntarily.

3. Eris would rebel against his father's order for Lucien to invoke the duel, and Beron would be dethroned by Eris and he would be the next high lord of Autumn Court.

I personally lean more on number three, because with Eris being the high lord wouldn’t it be one of the key topics for Mor’s book? It is already confirmed that Sarah pitched Mor’s story as one of the books and she admits that she doesn’t know what the novella is going to be. So, it’s safe to assume that Mor will get a full novel, not a novella one. Seeing her sparse appearance and development we’ve seen of her in ACOSF, then it is also logical to assume that Mor will not be the next book main character.

In conclusion, Elriel needs to happen to address Beron's situation and bring the overall plot of the series a bit higher before it reaches climax in the final book. Is it also possible that Beron’s scenario still can be addressed without it being tied to Elain and Azriel? Yes, but, I will say it again, Rhysand’s warning is a clue, a foreshadowing, of what conflict will be covered in the next book. For an author to drop something as big as that but not happening is a lazy writing in my opinion.

In the previous question I also mentioned that Elriel’s story is kinda similar to Iliad. Their set up is pretty much similar to me, however, I don’t think Elriel’s story will end in tragedy since Sarah doesn’t like to read, write, sad endings.

I’m sorry if I come off as ordering you around, but I really appreciate it if you and other metas also put your thought in the whole Beron/Elriel situation since I’m 95% sure Elain book is next and Azriel will be her LI seeing there is no progress with her and Lucien yet.

And I still stand by my point, you and other Elriel metas keep me sane when all of Elriel antis trying their hardest to discredit all of Elriel’s interaction and feeling in order to make their ship endgame. Thank you so much❤️❤️❤️

Wowza! This has got to be one of the longest asks I have ever received, hahah, congratulations and thank you for taking the time to write it to me! 

I would definitely consider doing such a meta, I am working on my Elriel debunking one currently, chipping away at it slowly! It’s a big boy.

I definitely agree that it is a very important and key point because like you said Elriel will be the trigger that pushes this story forward, giving Beron the push he needs, and also it will give or potential for Eris to step in and also Lucien by proxy. It would as you said accelerate the whole plot.

I have said before and I will say it again, Elriel brings so much plot to the story and ties in so many different characters, that say Gwynriel for arguments sake, doesn’t. I have no doubts at all who are the next POVs.

Agree with literally every ounce of your first ask, they have all the ties. There is no point mentioning The blood Duel if it is never going to come in to play, whether they actually do it or get close too it has to happen now. And if that is the case then Elriel clearly has to happen to get there! I don’t think Lucien would participate because I think he would respect Elains decision but who knows...

I feel like their is potential for his hand to be forced by say Beron or someone else, like you said though all ties roll back to Elain. And her ARC. 

I am so sorry you don’t feel like you can post it yourself, because you clearly have some great well thought out perspective, and you are well spoken. I am sure the fandom would love to hear your thoughts from you, when you are ready of course. Until then you are always welcome to come here and share with me!!

Going to answer your second one separately because I didn’t read the second one first and now I see you said to answer the other one ahhhahaha

#m for ts #replies

[garbagequeer]

what are your favorite cshr songs?

i change my mind a lot and can’t make decisions so im just gonna go album by album picking my favorites because there’s A LOT of great songs (also these are in no particular order cause i really am a gemini who can’t make a simple choice). when im done with this i’ll bold the ones i guess are my overall favorites but i have too much room in my heart and brain and i love all of them and i can’t not mention all the great songs that i love. Also my overall favorites change all the time hence the full long ass list. again i AM a gemini

teens of denial:

drunk drivers obviously (and drunk drives single version with the modified verse from plane crash blues like. if you cant find your friends you can leave without them !! so much)

destroyed by hippie powers (which holds a special place in my heart cause i remember listening to it 24/7 and going to the bar with my friends during second term finals my first year of college instead of studying and then the year after that going to see csh also during second term finals and them playing it like. full circle baby)

not what i needed. i feel so empty trying to explain this!

1937 state park

unforgiving girl (also holds a special place in my heart cause im pretty sure it’s the song that got me into them after being like hey i should check out that car seat headrest band since like 2013 but never getting around to it)

the ballad of the costa concordia like. i love to die thank you

drugs with friends (also it feels 5 times more special to me since i saw them play it)

fill in the blank

literally i feel bad for not just putting every song from this album like i love them all they punch me in the face every time but. gotta move along.

how to leave town:

BEAST MONSTER THING (LOVE ISN’T LOVE ENOUGH) LIKE. WHAT? WHAT?? !!!!

i want you to know that im awake / i hope that you’re asleep. you know that quote from like. an article about greta gerwig and lady bird that’s like (wait i googled it):Every situation is pretext for a confrontation: underdone eggs, a pile of rumpled clothes, a hand reaching too quickly for the radio. The question on the surface might be ‘What did you do?’ but the feeling underneath is ‘Who are you and why don’t you know how to love me?’that’s this song

is this dust really from the titanic? mainly cause i think it’s underrated and very endearing like. car seat headrest: more guitar shit

hey space cadet. obviously like

wasn’t going to put more songs cause i think i need to relax but. the ending of dramamine deserves to be listed i mean i can’t hear a thing now i guess i belong to me now but when night fell on montana i found a rest stop completely deserted but i still felt the eyes upon me so i drove away. it BE like that

you know what? fuck it. america and kimochi warui are also favorites. they’re all so good im sorry i CANT do this

nervous young man:

first of all: i wanna sweat. it’s like. you CAN have the euphoric emotion of bodys outside of the fantasy. effervescent amazing uplifting etc etc

burning man. i will go crazy istg like he’s like im defined by the fact that you’re there and we’re different people… i wanna burn your picture! i mean…… yeah

plane crash blues i mean shut up with all these bad vibes all this yelling just shut up shut up shut up! like. to himself.. we get it. and if your luggage is lost you can leave without it and if you run out of drugs you can sleep without them and if you wanna go home you can call a taxi and if you don’t wanna talk you can sit in the backseat. much to think about

death at the movies. sometimes you’re a little depressed and you just. watch movies and it’s weird

boxing day. hand will toledo a womanhood card right now for this like yeah! i feel so haunted and no one seems to notice and no one seems to care!!!! and it doesn’t really matter I’ll just ajlhfsdg!!!. ALSO literally i did something bad im not allowed to go outside anymore i can only be awake at night for the next year of my life. been there done that and all. ALSO i have worms in mouse traps baby cracks me up every time

the gun song. there’s a lot going on there

afterglow and jerks cause i love to have fun too

monomania:

misheard lyrics and i don’t think it gets enough love

times to die and also the teens of style version

overexposed (enjoy). again i love fun

los borrachos (fun fact: i saw the painting it’s named after irl and i was like. sick csh reference museo del prado)

SOULS. !!!!

maud gone both versions. sweetheart please love me too long

sleeping with strangers. i love to have fun

anchorite (love you very much). i get my feelings hurt by someone i love i listen to this song like. YOU SON OF A BITCH!!! YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!! call it catharsis

and that’s literally the whole album except for one song. im sorry

twin fantasy (which is two albums but. it’s really just one which is very meta of it/them imo. also unless i specify im talking about both versions):

B O D Y S

famous prophets. both versions make me feel breathless

beach life-in-death OBVIOUSLY

twin fantasy (those boys) and i think both versions really mean so so much together which is true of all of twin fantasy but. particularly here it hits me like. from he has only lyrics now to these are only lyrics now. it’s a lot

my boy (more the 2018 version)

nervous young inhumans (the 2011 version. for the monologue like. he defined twin fantasy. also the fact that galvanistic isn’t a real word he just fucked up and that’s the chorus)

high to death (more the 2018 version but both are great)

honestly sober to death for the don’t worry you and me wont be alone no more which is. so much. ALSO when they play sober to death/powderfinger and ethan does great vocals

cute thing (2018)

my back is killing me baby

no passion. he wants a man who would hate him and who would leave him if he were open and he’d do the same to him. he dreams he watches porn but he cant see it. he understands some ugly ass feelings

father, flesh in rags. it bangs

strangers but the teens of style version

happy news for sadness cause once again he says the ugliest shit (i liked you better when you hated yourself every time i think about love i think about me thinking about you) and it makes me think of that shit about how people will disclose they think they’re bad and they have bad thoughts when they’re going to ask to be loved. also you can never tell the truth but you can tell something that sounds like it

the drum. did i say i love to have fun? i love to have fun (both versions but i think i like the original more at least rn)

stoop kid

something soon (both versions)

starving while living:

it’s only sex

reuse the cells

devil moon

i hate living

literally all other csh shit cause i don’t listen to many songs from the first records :/ and stuff:

i can talk with my eyes shut

the ghost of bob saget. the lyrics to this song are hilarious and relatable somehow

i have to mention i am afraid of literally everything / i scream social / this one time I went to a coffee house because some guy I knew was playing and I just sat there for an hour and didn’t talk to anyone and then I came home and wrote this song / you have to go to college / it’s you you’re the asshole that made this but literally only cause i felt like laughing when i was 18 and finally got around to checking out csh and he was like. i wrote these songs about when i went to college and i was afraid of everything and shit was hard. cause like. same. and i just have a fond memory of going through csh’s entire discography from newest to oldest and ending up awake till almost 7am losing my mind. i feel like this about lots of songs from the first 5 albums but i don’t really listen to them much tho. someday i’ll get around to giving them a chance again

that thing someone made where they put together pain star (if heaven is full of people…) and …then it will be exactly the same as earth

does it feel good (to say goodbye?)

and their cover of hey ya even though it’s not a csh song. im mad no one has posted a proper recording of it because i do love to have fun. also their cover of this must be the place too. and the cover of waves of fear also. they’re all really fun

#answered #csh #car seat headrest #im terrible at picking things as you can see #anonymous

[thaumatological]

im gonnaaaa revise and post my very dirk centric analysis of the epilogues here as well

also in case it needs stating, spoilers abound!

i read through both of the epilogues simultaneously yesterday, consuming both at the same time rather than one and then the other, and i feel like while it may not have been the most “satisfying” approach from a character-centric perspective, i have a more complete understanding of the stories than those who read them separately. if you’ve read through both and have the stomach to do it again for some reason, i suggest doing it in parallel, m1 c1 m2 c2 etc.

i will warn you though, i ended up having two nightmares at the same time in my dreams last night. like, simultaneously, two separate threads of terror unraveling in my subconscious. i woke up this morning already knee deep into an analysis of the homestuck epilogues, and it was less like “waking up” and more “becoming aware that i was conscious”

anyway, without further ado!

dirk killing himself in candy 14 is the scene that resonates with us as being “dirk” because it is. that’s all dirk, our dirk, the one from homestuck. he Has to do that in order for candy to continue being candy, and part of me believes that he knew that on a conscious level—hence his death being just. he knew he wouldn’t get a nice fluffy outcome in the candy timeline because him, all of him, not just this one instance, was fated to be meat dirk.

—and speaking of, the concept of Ultimate Selves pretty much squares away meat dirk. he doesn’t read like our dirk, the one from homestuck canon, because the narrative explicitly states he’s Not anymore. he’s become all of him, all of him from across paradox space, including notable players bro, doc scratch, and lord english. dirk’s Ultimate Self is a culmination of every possible him taken to the highest intensity. it reads like one of his personal nightmares because it WAS his personal nightmare—the personal nightmare of our dirk. he’s a prince of heart. the ascension to his Ultimate Self resulted in the complete destruction of the barriers between his splinters. the more i think about it, the more brilliant it is. he seems out of character as the dirk we know and love because he isn’t.

i feel like i finally Get it, but i’m still not looking forward to seeing people who dislike dirk using this to discredit the progress he made on his personal journey (ie “see he was evil the whole time!”) nor am i looking forward to all of the “dirk would never do this! it’s ooc writing!” from people who seem to have missed the part of homestuck where what scared dirk about himself most was the undeniable truth in it. there’s more than one example of “bad dirk and/or dirk byproducts” out there in paradox space. it’s more than feeling like you “might” be bad, it’s… being afraid of what you would be if you weren’t so afraid of being it, it’s seeing things that were a result of You-but-not-you and having to stare down the fact that even if you weren’t bad, even if you didn’t, you could have, would have, did. dirk’s Ultimate Self being a nightmare scenario is ..almost a recursive throwback to his fears about his ultimate self (note capitals)

him taking control of the narrative was epic though. it honestly did not catch me off guard? it makes sense. it is a 100% dirk strider move. if you haven’t read it by now for some reason, go read detective pony. i am diagnosing you with read detective pony by sonnetstuck. it’s terminal.

the only two people aside from hussie to have controlled the narrative in homestuck canon are the cherubs. and i did make the point somewhere up there that dirk absorbed lord english, and by extension, caliborn. that’s WHY he got that ability. not because he’s a prince of heart. dirk controlling the narrative makes sense from the perspective of dirk controlling the external narrative as well, ie, the whole thing is on a piece of paper that he wrote as some form of bizarre cathartic self punishment for his existence, but in the grander scheme of things and truth of homestuck dirk controlling the narrative makes sense as the puppetmaster-turned-puppet we see him become in several of his iterations, because caliborn literally becomes part of him.

everything is so skewed by the narrators. yes, both of them, because the whole point of the epilogues is that both of them suck and muse calliope is just as shitty as “impartial” “narrator” as Ultimate Self dirk is. it actually makes the whole thing a lot greyer in morality than it comes across at first. US dirk does a lot of Bad Shit as narrator, yeah, but even as passive as she is, calliope’s narration has its flaws (see: everything relating to trickster mode)

the epilogues are less about the characters themselves and more about a grander conflict between the two cherubs, using dirk and jade as their puppets—and yes, muse calliope is using jade as a puppet LITERALLY, which upsets me on so many levels i can’t even get into it here. let jade be fucking relevant and happy hussie or so help me i will write myself into your narrative and do some renovation of my own. but dirk is equally deprived of his agency in this scenario. i’m not going to debate with anyone about the inherent goodness/badness of dirk strider because that’s an entirely different essay, but in canon, dirk’s entire arc is about NOT becoming exactly what he becomes in the epilogues. the dirk we know didn’t choose to become his “Ultimate Self,” the dirk we know doesn’t get a choice between meat and candy, the dirk we know is at the mercy of the narrative even as he pretends to control it.

and that’s not something new to dirk strider, in any variation of himself. i’m specifically going back to thinking about the term “puppetmaster-turned-puppet” here, because i like it. in canon, we see dirk get out-puppeted by hal. it’s implied that bro is being controlled at least in part by lil cal, who is in turn.. a splinter of dirk indirectly via hal via arquiussprite. i’m getting a little lost in all the splinters. why is dirk’s worst enemy consistently himself? don’t answer that. uhh also it should be mentioned that makes lil cal a puppetmaster-turned-puppet-turned-puppetmaster, both literally and metaphorically. i fucking hate andrew hussie.

anyway, both of the epilogues do all that shit to to drive home the point that both of them (and i mean muse calliope and LE here when i say both, because this has officially stopped being about the dirk we know) are removed from human concepts like “good” and “evil” and represent duality in an alien manner that to a casual observer could be mistaken for some objective statement about morality, but they’re both wrong to us from our perspective as humans with human morals. the choice of candy and meat from the beginning was a cherub one. that’s not a balanced meal! that’s not even a reasonable dichotomy for humans! meat is not more real or “canon” than candy was, both of them are very flawed stories being manned at the helm by omnipotent green aliens.

okay we’re ALMOST done here, i just want to touch on the actual authors of the narrative rather than the ones the narrative insists are its narrators. by which i mean the actual real life human beings who wrote the epilogue. the point i was making above about how dirk doesn’t have any agency? the point of these epilogues were that none of the characters have any agency in their stories. every work is a reflection of its author, even when aforementioned authors are hiding behind pseudoauthors on a narrative level.

the homestuck epilogues feel very meanspirited to me. they punish their readers for not understanding their intentionally heavyhanded meta. homestuck was always very meta, but it was also fun. this, on the other hand, wasn’t fun. i haven’t seen anyone claim that the epilogues were a “fun” read, even those who enjoyed them enjoy them on the basis that “tragedy is a valid form of art,” and,,, ........and their opinions are. valid. and they can have them. sure.

but for those of us who read stories in order to enjoy them, which i am safely assuming makes up the majority of those who read homestuck, the homestuck epilogues are like a final kick in the teeth as a send off to a fandom with barely any teeth left to lose. we’re already having people who refuse to read them, and god i wish that were me, but it’s also.,, you can’t criticize something properly if you haven’t read it. we’re going to see a lot of very bad takes in the coming days about all kinds of things from information proliferating through the grapevine, and personally, i am not looking forward to it. i really hope this is the end, that homestuck is finally fucking over, and the epilogues are done with and we can all live our lives unmarred by strange orange men with typewriters. i’m going to hole up with my cool and new webcomic music albums and all of the good novel-length dirk-centric fic i’ve bookmarked over the years and wait this one out. i invite you to do the same.

cool and new webcomic bandcamp | cool and new greatest hits | my personal favorite album by them

detective pony by sonnetstuck (seriously please read this it watered my crops and cured my lead poisoning)

literally anything by callmearcturus but this is my personal favorite (chamomile, rosewater, and other unlikely intoxicants)

this long winded discworld joke by oxfordroulette that inflicted me with a terminal case of loving jake english despite it being a dirkjohn fic (vanitas vanitatum) also if you finish reading this one and also succumbed to loving jake english, i’m not going to link it but they have another fic that’ll scratch that itch for you. that’s all i’ll say on that matter.

this fic said nonverbal autistic dirk rights and thank god (we were made for another world by princex_n)

thanks for reading

#194 #will i put it in the tags? yes actually #dirk strider #that's all

[chxrimoya]

im just posting this here so i have it later bc entertaining convo

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You both like anime.

You: hey whats up

Stranger: Not much, just chilling with my oniichan in my uchi you know?

You: damn wish i had an oniichan

You: im just hitoribocchi rn

Stranger: Yeah it's pretty easy to get when you are a kamisama like me you know?

Stranger: I am just a full on ikemen

Stranger: Got a harem

You: damn kamisama

You: gotta have a favorite tho right

Stranger: Of course

Stranger: Always the osananajimi

Stranger: Gotta respect the firsts

You: osananajimi always the best

You: maybe jus a little bit on tsun tsun, yknow

Stranger: Bro you understand me from my toes to my atama rn

Stranger: I like the kawaii girls that got the tsun tsun

You: damn bro im glad we could tsunagaru like this

Stranger: Bokumo I think this is a tokubestu connection

You: an honor for me to be nakama with kamisama

Stranger: I am laughing so hard rn I cant believe this is still going. Like majide??

You: sou, maji da yo

Stranger: Sounds like you study your nihongo all Majime and stuff

You: am i just gonna descend into full japanese

You: likewise my bro

Stranger: I think so my nakama

Stranger: Gotta go zenbu nihongo

You: it started as shuumi but now i have degree so

You: saikou no weeb da yo

Stranger: Oh I see bokumo started when I was a koukousei

You: i was only hontou majime when i was daigakusei

Stranger: Then I did it in Uni with a major in film minor in nihongo

Stranger: Okok

Stranger: 分かったwww

You: respect for my nakama to follow their dreams in kokosei

You: 草

You: i'm afraid i'm ちょっと下手 now from lack of use w

Stranger: これは最初に冗談だけど、ほんとに分かったwww

Stranger: Daijyoubu. I am the same

You: 感じ嫁できないｗ

You: i am a Fool in Man's Shoes

Stranger: Got my degree 3 years ago and habent studied since

You: what a fuckin mood

You: my usage is all in media consumption and music, honestly

Stranger: Okay kanjiless こらはさいしょにじょうだんだけど、ほんとにわかった

You: but i barely speak it lmao

Stranger: I see same

Stranger: I have no one to speak to

Stranger: Do you play games?

You: あぁそう、私も

Stranger: We could speak to each other! I was supposed to be sleeping so this must be fate

You: は～い

Stranger: Stay night

Stranger: If you know whatimean

You: I AM ZA BONE OBU MY SOARD

Stranger: What kind of games do you play? Any league or pubg?

You: i took a fat nap earlier so now i cant sleep

You: unmei da yo

Stranger: Hahah

Stranger: Where you from?

You: i quit league a while ago, but i was considering playing again tbh

Stranger: Omg

You: california!

Stranger: We can play together

Stranger: And talk

You: gonna have to catch me up on new meta tho

Stranger: Hey I am driving to LA in 2 hours lol

You: too many new items and changes MonkaS

Stranger: All good I'll nurture you my imouto

Stranger: XP

You: bruh good luck with the traffic lmao

You: only if i get sufficient headpats u_u

Stranger: I wanna die

Stranger: Of course you will! Uwu

Stranger: I always give cute bois headsets uwu

You: bro gimmie ya discord

Stranger: What's your discord?

You: ... bro

You: HAHA

You: eurae#9474

Stranger: We are on the same wavelength

You: icon should be of a nekomimi girl bc... im weak

Stranger: Added

Stranger: I think mine is a nekomimi boy so...

You: how can you be my kouhai if you're gonna be my oniichan :thinking:

Stranger: Shhhh

Stranger: Let it happen

You: so why you headed to LA anyway? work? o:

Stranger: Let this 23 yo onichan teach you the ways on how to be a bronze player in league of legends

You: bro we are the same age

Stranger: Work! I film!

Stranger: I am in Arizona rn

You: oh wow! do you travel a lot for work? o:

Stranger: From Canada tho! Going back tomorrow evening to the great white north!

Stranger: Here and there ^^

Stranger: I make the usual.

You: it's too hot here anyway q_q

Stranger: Wedding videos, music videos, commercials, porn

You: socal born and raised, still cant stand the heat

Stranger: Wait forget the last one

You: hey man why should i judge

Stranger: Which city?

You: how did our conversation start HAHA

Stranger: Haha just being silly xP

You: alhambra! it's about 30 mins out from LA

Stranger: Idk but it was amazing

Stranger: And it was fate legit

You: best laugh i've had in a while

Stranger: I was gonna sleep

You: honestly

Stranger: Before I clicked

Stranger: Then for some reason I didn't

Stranger: Idk shy

You: honestly i was about to close omegle because i kept getting kik bots

Stranger: Right????

Stranger: My god

You: "M 17 and horny" boy you are a MINOR

Stranger: The tag japanese is ONLY BOTS

Stranger: That's the one!!!

Stranger: Looking for weeb gf??

You: chris hansen? hello?

You: YEAH

You: almost got fuckin whiplash

Stranger: Omg

You: LOL

Stranger: Get Christmas on the line

You: konnichiwa keisatsu desuka?

Stranger: So you are Male too right just wondering?

Stranger: Loooool

You: 女だよ

Stranger: へええ まじで

You: そうよ！変かなぁ？ｗｗ

You: girls dont exist on the internet right lmao

Stranger: Well in that case *flexes arms* I hope you know I am at the top of my class. I main Vayne. Hit silver 3 last season yeah I am a total stud

Stranger: Hahaha right??? I play with a few actually and it is toooo funny when we play league with randoms xD

You: bro i can be your support and get mad when i flash+all in and die bc no one else followed up

Stranger: Hontoni omoshiroi

You: or jungle and feed

Stranger: Looo

Stranger: All seriousness

Stranger: I dont main Vayne anymore lol

You: it's been an age man, i played season 3-4

Stranger: I main twitch hit plat this season and also play a bit of top. I would love to play with you though! <3

Stranger: Damnnnnn I started in s5 lol

Stranger: What do you play nowadays?

Stranger: What are your hobbies?

You: my high school was chock full of league peeps man, i just got pulled in around then

Stranger: Same but I have a story about that hH

You: i draw? and for games, I lean pretty heavily into strategy/jrpg

You: i... quit league cause i got to be a picturesque toxic league player >____>

Stranger: I have too much I wanna talk about and I gotta sleep hehe I wont be home till late so talk to you day after? If you have tele you can text me there too uwu

You: oh yeah!! :3 we can trade numbers later!

Stranger: Ooh I would love to see your drawings and being toxic is bad! XP

You: wouldn't want you to die on yr 2 hr drive at 5mi/hr

You: LOL

Stranger: HahH

Stranger: Do you have telegram?

You: i don't! is that like a texting app? o:

Stranger: Mhmm! With loooooots of cute stickers!

You: s...stickers

Stranger: Mostly furries use it but it has cute anime ones too

You: i tried to use line for a while because of the stickers (poptepipic what's gud) but no one else used it qq

Stranger: Yeah! Just download it and I'll teach you!

You: guess it's time to make a fursona!

You: LOL

Stranger: I used line when I lived in Japan haha

You: o: you lived in japan omg

Stranger: Yup guess so! XD everyone has one nowadays! :p

Stranger: Download it and let me know wha TV your @ is and I'll add you!

Stranger: What your* not tv looool

Stranger: I did yeah for a year

You: does it go by name?

You: ... "tams loves catgirls"

Stranger: My tele is @imyourkohai

Stranger: If you go to send a message you can put that in and message me

Stranger: Lol yes that is right hahah

You: haha okay, i should let you get to sleep!!

Stranger: Okay!!!

You: do you have a call time or anything? o:

Stranger: Nini

Stranger: Nah just a meeting all g :3

You: okay!! haha oyasumi~ we'll talk more tmr :3

Stranger: Ouasumiii

Stranger has disconnected.

#Omegle #Hamex

[sorrowschengmei]

about the fandom and my love for kylo ren [vent post, not poetry][tw bullying]

sometimes i wonder what am i doing here at tumblr, really. they say to encourage every weirdo ‘someday you will be better than everyone who laughed at you’. we study while they hang out with their friends, we work while they sleep, and we never fucking live the life they want, they end up with the life they wanted and we end up being grateful for just being alive.

but there are things that are pure, really, that aren’t tied to capitalism, to survival, to socially fitting in, they are just beautiful and intense and poetic and brutal, and they do exist. he is one of them, the one i call my own truelove, and most people call ben solo or kylo ren.

today i watched tfa, and i could see why i fell in love with him... tlj kylo is a beautiful man, the most beautiful man, yes, but tfa kylo is more than a man. he looks like a dark angel, something that isn’t human and yet is too corrupted to be divine, he has a mystery that can’t be described with words and no one will ever decipher, he’s a poem on himself, more beauty than human.

i looked back into my early tfa days, how i interacted with the fandom, with kylo himself... i’d spend hours LOOKING FOR FANART, reblogging art, reading fic, reading headcanons, writing poetry and making my own doodles without any intention of publishing them. nowadays... nowadays i blacklisted all the artists of the reylo and kylux fandoms likewise, unfollowed all my art friends, get straight up suicidal if my stuff flops and i only publish stuff that is correctly rendered and at the peak traffic times, i got at least 5 anxiety attacks for looking at people with more followers/notes than i do, all of this why?? 

because i wanted people to like me, to like my art, to send me cute anons saying they love my stuff and asking me for requests. i wanted to know middle school was over, that people would appreciate me and my art in here as theoretically everyone loves kylo ren and i’m not a weirdo in here.

but i am a weirdo in here as well. i recently found out someone was gossiping about my love for kylo ren, saying very hurtful things about it, you have no idea of how much i cried when i found out, i think i spent 2 hours crying nonstop until i got exhausted. i look at kylo ren himself, not art, not fic, just the pictures of adam driver and i ask again: why??

why can’t things be simple like they were before? why can’t i just be myself without worrying about feedback? why did i become so bitter to the point i can’t fucking support my friends??? how did i become one of those millenials that value their self worth by the number of likes they get???? why can’t i just love kylo ren, draw him, see cute pics of him, without being crushed by years of trauma and the ‘socially inept’ stigma?? how did literally everything i hate in my life become attached to the thing i love the most?

being in the fandom hurts me, it hurts me so much. several times i said to myself ‘i curse the day i decided to watch tfa and met kylo ren’, and this is the saddest thing ever i could say, because kylo himself never brought me anything else but joy, support, lust, bliss, inspiration, contemplation, melancholy and the purest love i’ve ever felt.

i am afraid of people, and i have very real reasons for this. i’ve been lied, betrayed, deceived, attacked, pursued, tortured or just ignored by people on several fandoms. i can’t see art or fic or meta anymore, i just see the ego of the people who are doing it, how they only interact with the socially apt, repeat the same themes and styles, manipulate people into giving them stuff, gang up to harrass their enemies... people who draw kylo ren, who write about him.

you see, autistic minds work with patterns and organising logical conclusions around these patterns. in a fandom you have people you hate drawing someone you love, your friends supporting people you hate, people that never did anything but you hate them bc people you hate love them, people that hate you pretending they don’t, people that don’t hate you acting hateful just because???, and the most puzzling thing for me, that is people who hate kylo ren claiming they love him and want to see him having sex, a love life, a husband. it’s a complete mess. it’s a complete chaos. so you end up scared, running away from any kind of confrontation, blocking and blacklisting everyone, not speaking your mind because you don’t know if they are gonna agree with you and then attack you, disagree with you but agree later, attack you and then pretend they didn’t, pretend they disagree with you, ignore you...

i think i should leave the fandom, like i did in 2017. but this time i can’t, i already have a name, even a small name, i have ties with the community, everyone already knows my terrible personality and lack of self awareness, i have a place on this fandom and it is the place that always followed me: the weirdo, the outcast, ‘that guy’... 

when i entered here, all i wanted was to meet people that loved kylo ren too, as intensely as i did. i met some good, good friends, but i worry all the time they will leave me, and there are people that im not sure if they are my friends or they are just following the american social code of calling everyone ‘friend’. i wish things could be simpler, really... and unfortunately i have no place to go to enthuse about my love if i leave tumblr/the fandom =/ 

[if anyone thinks they have a thoughtful answer for my problem they are encouraged to send me a chat message]

#tsuk sighs and says

[xiaoyunazis]

Full unedited post of jeneriferwind as requested.

[2022/01/22 20:20]  JenniferWind: you wanted to talk?? [2022/01/22 20:20]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): roxy said you needed to talk to me [2022/01/22 20:22]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): icly yes. ^-^ i am icly drunk in emony's village you can seek me out here if you want. [2022/01/22 20:22]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): oooh okay [2022/01/22 20:22]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): haha wasnt sure if it was a mod thingy [2022/01/22 20:23]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): i didn't know you were a mod. [2022/01/22 20:23]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): I am [2022/01/22 20:23]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): im right under lily [2022/01/22 20:23]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): i was talking with hannah and we both found her rp with your family weird and very funny too. [2022/01/22 20:24]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): with lily? [2022/01/22 20:24]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): lol [2022/01/22 20:24]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): yes [2022/01/22 20:24]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): she is adopted [2022/01/22 20:25]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): she said hannah was asian or pani. that was very funny and the whole you have no honor thing she went on about. i almost died laughing. [2022/01/22 20:25]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): lol [2022/01/22 20:27]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): you have no honor. like some hollywood cheesy film. so just between us can you two just please stop fighting with her. it's really dumb. [2022/01/22 20:27]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): ?? [2022/01/22 20:28]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): im hardly in gor [2022/01/22 20:28]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): fight with hannah? [2022/01/22 20:28]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): lol [2022/01/22 20:29]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): lilly should in rp  you were coming for her. and lilly was crazy and rude. i saw the rp and it it seemed like it was meta and cheating and then hannah shared a rp with me from a year ago where lily meta the exact same way. [2022/01/22 20:30]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): >.> im unsure of the details [2022/01/22 20:30]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): i just go when im needed [2022/01/22 20:30]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): im a nomad panther lol so my time there is kinda boring [2022/01/22 20:31]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): same i do not like groups because of the drama that goes with them. [2022/01/22 20:34]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): i was just asked to talk to you about this for her. she is hardly on and did not want anymore trouble between you two. [2022/01/22 20:35]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): that is between them [2022/01/22 20:35]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): i simply did translations for lily [2022/01/22 20:35]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): lol [2022/01/22 20:36]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): i didn't understand the chinese myself. she told me and i found it very funny. [2022/01/22 20:41]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): a lot of trouble hannah get's into is funny. this one time this japanese girl gave her trouble. hannah went on voice chat and made her look stupid in front of everyone. that japanese girl is still insecure. lol she is not afraid to get in people's faces which is why hanging out with her. lol [2022/01/22 20:43]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): she totally wants to do that two both of you publicly. lol so..... that is the invite i was supposed to give you two. so what should i tell her? [2022/01/22 20:46]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): humliate me? [2022/01/22 20:46]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): lol [2022/01/22 20:47]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): It's her thing the whole fin dom and being a empress. she is unbelievably mean. [2022/01/22 20:47]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): heh [2022/01/22 20:48]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): i am surprised you are shocked by all of this.. you know how chinese girls can be? [2022/01/22 20:48]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): shocked? [2022/01/22 20:48]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): not at all [2022/01/22 20:48]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): lol [2022/01/22 20:49]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): so what should I tell her? [2022/01/22 20:49]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): i remain silent [2022/01/22 20:51]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): ^-^ we both knew that would be your answer. i just wanted a laugh on the off chance we were wrong. ┐(￣ヘ￣)┌ lol [2022/01/22 20:53]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): If i did not have a family and a entire sim to rule over as a empress myself, i would take the time to waste my time. over petty things [2022/01/22 20:54]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): this fight is between lily n her [2022/01/22 20:54]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): im not interested [2022/01/22 20:55]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): You have sim? [2022/01/22 20:55]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): oh do tell. [2022/01/22 20:58]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): hannah has had so many sims over the years for findom, snuff, torture asylums, her palace sims. lately she does not play on sl much because she has a family irl. i just randomly do stuff and mods for a few sims with my time on sl. [2022/01/22 20:58]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): oh cool, kkitty stuff ;) [2022/01/22 20:59]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): what i do impacts sl more then many know [2022/01/22 20:59]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): ^^ but that is all i will say [2022/01/22 21:00]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): oh?! do you know yumi.pancake? [2022/01/22 21:01]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): hannah rip her apart. lol she thought the same as you. and i... i am just evil. : ] [2022/01/22 21:01]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): haha [2022/01/22 21:01]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): winks [2022/01/22 21:02]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): h [2022/01/22 21:02]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): winks [2022/01/22 21:02]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): only name i will give you [2022/01/22 21:02]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): is im known as the reaper [2022/01/22 21:02]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): for a reason [2022/01/22 21:02]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): goodnight dear [2022/01/22 21:02]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): mhm [2022/01/22 21:03]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): i will ask teacake if he knows you. if he doesn't?  you are no body special or to worry about. reaper. ^-^ [2022/01/22 21:04]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): smiles [2022/01/22 21:04]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): you do that [2022/01/22 21:04]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): as far as im concerned [2022/01/22 21:04]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): teacake is no one speciel either [2022/01/22 21:04]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): lol [2022/01/22 21:05]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): tizzerz is a sperg, so yeah I guess ┐(￣ヘ￣)┌ [2022/01/22 21:05]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): you do not even get a rise from me. [2022/01/22 21:05]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): you're ignorance is your weakness [2022/01/22 21:05]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): mhm [2022/01/22 21:05]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): goodnight [2022/01/22 21:05]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): reaper.  kitty names. [2022/01/22 21:05]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): (busy response): You are blocked, please leave me alone, and have a good day. [2022/01/23 08:21]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): you are an idiot [2022/01/23 08:22]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): lol for that pick [2022/01/23 08:22]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): xD [2022/01/23 08:22]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): you're games don't work on me dear, stop them n change and stop trolling people [2022/01/23 08:22]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): n perhaps things can change [2022/01/23 08:22]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): you've already confessed to being a shit starter [2022/01/23 08:24]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): i never grief you do [2022/01/23 08:24]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): (busy response): You are blocked, please leave me alone, and have a good day. [2022/01/23 08:24]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): smiley [2022/01/23 08:24]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): (busy response): You are blocked, please leave me alone, and have a good day. [2022/01/23 17:40]  JenniferWind: (Saved Sun Jan 23 17:49:46 2022)*claps* keep up with the lies lol [2022/01/23 17:52]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): i never lied it is called copy paste and the owner of the sim said you and that femboi have the same ip. we know who you are. ^^ bye bye [2022/01/23 17:52]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): User not online - message will be stored and delivered later. [2022/01/23 17:55]  ৡึ봉차 여신ৡ  (ginabellalin): stop griefing people on alts. you area very old griefer too. stop messaging me and crying about what you did to yourself. be a better person. ^-^ [2022/01/23 17:55]  Ҝȁɠцɏȧ๖̶̶̶ۣۣۜۜ͜ζ͜͡ Ӽiǎoyǔ (jenniferwind): User not online - message will be stored and delivered later.

[tedfashionski]

Finking, Finking.

Hi, welcome to my ted talk. (That is the only time I will ever make that joke. This is Fashionski Finks. Expect radically low standards of self-involved rantiness with zero research or accountability from here on out). For a while there I seriously thought that the covid-19 quarantine was going to result in people being increasingly placid and accepting of creeping extensions of the police state. But here I am, getting depressed again, not about the protests, which I love, but more about my relationship to in-group pressure dynamics. One of the problems with being a relentless contrarian is the discomfort of my impulse to rebel against groups even when they’re championing the right thing. I have to find my own way to fight against the system as an outsider. No gods, no masters, no fucking peer pressure.  I’ll never be happy joining a chorus line. I don’t sign fucking petitions (they’re just lists for the NSA). I do donate, but like fuck will I do it performatively. I can’t go to protests cus I get panic attacky in crowds. I empathise pretty strongly with outsiders of all stripes but believe ridiculously excessively in the public good of criticism, and have a nostalgic love of trolling (I like to think I’m gentle with it though). Bring back the troll! We need that fucker, he’s a sign of a healthy internet. I’m writing this blog thing as an extension of my need to vent my extreme negativity. TBH I never expected to get any followers with ted twitter and the bizarre welcomingness of the hf twitter community totally wrongfooted me. I’m not nice. Ted isn’t meant to likable. He’s my dark side. I was meant to be using this alt as a way to terrorise the nice nice (secretly cruel) fashion people. I’m gunna try and up that aspect more. Just bear in mind, my complaints are largely about the system, but if I see you perpetuating fashion’s entrenched anti-intellectualism or its insidery bullshit, I’ll come for you with a little meta-bomb with your name on it. Maintaining my misanthropic tone does take work tho, like, deep down in some twisted part of my psyche, I guess I do actually want to be liked. It’s fucked up.

I suppose it’s only fair to explain this Ted fursona. Like, new concept, who dis? Why all the furry porn? …..because I just think it’s hilarious. Every time I think about the furries I cackle (not at them, mind). I just love the mad corruption of pure Disney aesthetics into hardcore pornography. That’s anti-authoritarian as fuck. I love the sincerity of their culture. The way the crazy fetish aspect means they’ll never be fully blandified by mainstream acceptance. The way it’s so cringe but so delightful. And more seriously, I’m interested in how a culture of mostly gay male nerds developed to the point where they’ll invest 10k in custom fursuits and support eachother’s independent businesses in ways that the fashion community completely fails to do. The fashion world sucks. There’s so many correlations there that I want to investigate: the newness (furries date from around the 70s, fashion culture in its self-aware state dates from the late 19th C – both very young fields); the centralisation/decentralisation; the hierarchy (furries can be pretty catty, I have discovered in my research, and we all know what fashion people are like); the adoption of new identities; the cis-boy gayness aspect (I’m increasingly tired of the extreme nasty hierarchy of certain CSM queens. It’s all very UGH. Just, fuck those particular bitches.) There’s more to the furry love, but I’ll explore it in future posts.

More importantly, why Ted fucking Kaczynski? I’m not like, actually a terrorist. (….yet. tehehe. NO, seriously I like non-maiming violence. Fuck yeah to property damage. Fuck yeah to disabling the system in extreme way. But no to wooden IEDs. Think of my shitty jokes that fail to land as my hand-crafted bombs). I think I like the shitness of Ted. He was just an epic fail of a terrorist. I’m a little white girl living in London. I’m not actually a primitivist, as much as I crave a hut in the woods. I did go to an elite school though. I had some really shitty experiences in the fashion industry in my early 20s, and I watch my friends who are relatively successful in that system and I get so angry on their behalf at their poor treatment. They think I’m too angry. Fuck that. They should be more angry, and the fact that they can’t be angry at their extreme precarity and the fact they’re still insecure and terrified of being ejected by the system after all their investment and skills they’ve built up is BULLSHIT. I’ll be double angry for them, I’m not invested in that system. I don’t need it to pay my rent. I’m free, motherfuckers, and I’m coming for the abusers and exploiters. If you’re a complacent industry figure not fighting hard from within, uggghhhhh fuck you. Yes, YOU. Soooo, I relate pretty hard to the MK ultra stuff. (go look him up, he was basically tortured and experimented upon by the elite). But there’s a pretty big chasm between my views and his, and I’ll try to be clear about the extent of my interest in his extreme beliefs. I haven’t even finished reading the manifesto. Basically, I watched that shitty show on Netflix with sam worthington around the same time I watched Joker (that movie fucked me up) and thought it’d be a good outlet to larp online as a terrorist. There’s the angry white alt-right school shooter aspect, which I’m still figuring out, cus I’m non-binary and I was raised by nutso trumpy right-wingers, who I barely speak to anymore, and I struggle to get along with people generally. There’s sad, self-pitying rage here. I empathise with the angry white dudes too much. I feel guilty about it. That’s good ground for artmaking (yes, shamefully, this…is…art. Sorry). I modelled this fursona a little after my brother, who I spent years living with and arguing with and trying to lift out of his scary racist youtube rabbit holes. This is actually quite an emotional thing for me, cus I did the ‘talk to your fascist family’ thing. And I completely failed. I realised his right-winginess wasn’t lessening, I wasn’t gaining ground, and in fact my excessive empathy and desire to reach out to the relative most similar to me in character meant his extremism was rubbing off on me. Making me more resentful and depressed. Feeling powerless. I was being too kind-hearted and forgiving of his masculine impotence. So I’m exploring some personal shit here. But Ted is also a cute lil fuzzball teddy bear. He means well, but me being super autistic and faily at social skills means he’s kind of a dick, cus I am. I’m going to try and further develop this character, this POV, and this post is the only time I’ll explain the divide between him and his creator (moi). The ‘I’ on the twitter and here is Ted Fashionski, I need that space between me and him. Masks give us this freedom to be more ourselves. Internet culture has lost a lot of its wild brutal anonymity in the last decade or so, now everyone’s afraid of making mistakes. How the hell do you grow if you’re not allowed to fuck up? This is a vital outlet. He’s become an important part of my life and I have to say, I love being Ted Fashionski. He’s like Paddington Bear who just escaped form Guantanamo or something.

I get pretty fatigued as a matter of course. I’m a long-term depressive since childhood. I have a difficult time keeping my hard-on for living. I don’t get suicidal really but I do struggle with extreme fatigue. I sleep a lot. I often fall into spirals of self-hate. And as someone who utterly believes in revolutionary leftist politics, I beat myself up about not doing enough. I’m so middle class and english and white. I was raised in such a chauvinistic and complacent culture; I don’t even know where to start. I’m wading my way through post-colonial literature and beating myself up for finding it boring and uncomfortable. It’s hard to force yourself to acknowledge your culture is The Bad Guys. It’s easier to fall into fanstasies of supremacy and butthurt misunderstoodness. And it’s not like my depressive brain needs any encouragement to hate me. My trajectory is ever leftwards, but I remember the righteous fury of being right-wing. I get it, that was me. We need more paths back from fascism, more comprehension of why people are that kind of shitty. I talk less, and less well, the more depressed I am. If I’m talking, it means im feeling a lot better. Just, fyi.

Give me a minute to be critical here. With the George Floyd protests, a lot of the cool guys on fashion twitter has gone blazingly hardcore on the political side. But there’s this troubling rhetoric about ‘no return to normal content’ or ‘this isn’t the time for fashion’. Like fuck it isn’t. This is a key problem with fashion culture right here, we have this received perception of fashion as empty escapism. Escapism matters in fashion, yes. But seriously, talking about the surfaces of things does not equal not caring about deeper meaning. What the fuck. Clothes are a connective tissue, a membrane between us. They’re emotional and powerful. We can talk about things that matter THROUGH clothes. I speak fashion, pretty fucking well. Most people who work at fashion magazines are morons with no understanding or respect for their subject. They’re incapable of doing it justice, and that’s deliberate. On this tumblr you’ll see rants and reviews of fashion and other artforms, always interpreting through a fashion lens. cus it matters, cus it’s a vital part of the culture, cus just because something has a glittery, seductive surface doesn’t mean it doesn’t communicate or contain depth. There’s no going back to ‘normal fashion content’, yes. Normal fashion content is a fucking psyop to divert legitimate interest in aesthetics amongst largely non-academic dyslexic visual types away from careful thought/feeling and towards empty consumerist commericiality. The traditional fashion media wants you to express yourself and your interest in the zeitgeist through buying more shit. Another fashion world is possible. Let’s destroy the old and build a new one, one where surface and spirit are connected and true and fashion can’t be abused in service of evil industrial monopolists.

/end rant. TLDR: angry fictional teddy bear with tin-foil hat and an eco-anarchist fetish says no to stupid fashion and yes to the renewal of conceptual fashion. Also, Fuck White People.