#but god i feel like a lost kid

[thekittyfox2999]

"I'm in my warrior cats era! :3♡*☆<3" <- is actually in a depressive state

Update: i feel okay

not good, but better

Update 2:

Nevermind

Update 3:

I'm getting better

#god dude #nothing feels fun anymore #all i've done is draw a cat and write down my thoughts #i hate this #i legit can't do anything #i haven't eaten since yesterday #i shouldn't do this #but god i feel like a lost kid #all i want to do is sleep #but i know i'll get shit for it #stupid stupid stupid #why isn't The MEDICINE WORKING????? #tw depressing thoughts #i can't do anything right #i'm dramatic lol #but fr i don't know if i have any energy left for the rest of the day

[wyvernity]

been thinking about the sinnohtrio lately......plus misc other stuff

also, casual ko-fi drop!! get something in this sketchy style starting at $10 woop woop

#finally decided to do a commission test run u_u #pokemon #trainer lyra #trainer kris #trainer dawn #trainer lucas #rival barry #rival silver #ayalumi #hisuian zorua #luxio #timeskip tag #rkgk #anyway it's sinnoh time !!! #still figuring out their designs and lore but this works for now #god's specialest little guys & their very normal bestfriend who they would kill/die for. up to interpretation who is killing/dying #dawn is the platinum protag who meets giratina and becomes champion #distortion world affected her way more than compared to cynthia and cyrus since she's still a developing kid. but hey cool ghost hair! #4-5 yrs later lucas gets blasted to hisui..lost his memory for the three years he's there and when arceus sends him back he's just like Man #the entire time barry is CHILLING PLAYING HAVING FUN #and forever worried abt his friends ): dawn & lucas are soo nonchalant about what happened to them it's a bit concerning to everyone else #design comments umm the only thing that matters is that they still have their og scarves 👍 #and i guesss these are spring/summer outfits. winter dawn gets leggings and big coat ok. she already has too much yin energy #btw i use the cleanse tag as the direct opposition to the spell tag even tho that's probably not a real thing LOL) #oh yea barry wears the tower master ribbon 24/7. tower tycoon in training and won't shut up about it (i love him) #character dynamics i will talk abt that in another post if i feel like it... these days i just want to go replay pla aughh

[caeslxys]

here's the thing. laudna would have stopped it. if she knew delilah was about to fracture the gnarlrock. if she could parse her own feelings from hers.

and here's the thing. imogen has been plagued by nightmares for a decade. and this rock is the first bit of solace outside of her trust in laudna that she has ever had.

and laudna was just involved in shattering it. this tiny bit of solace.

and. here's the thing: laudna would've stopped it.

and. here's the thing. imogen would've stopped it. the only reason imogen didn't go is because she was specifically afraid that she would attempt to intervene and ruin their relationship with the volition before it ever began.

and here's the thing. liliana set out 25+ years ago specifically to spare her daughter. and that seemingly has not ever wavered as her core motivation. but people keep being drawn to the moon. kids keep being drawn towards the moon. and liliana is a mother. she was a mother before she ever knew she was an exaltant.

for 25+ years she has worked to "cure" imogen. the only solace she probably ever received was in at least attempting to console the kids who found themselves lured in by her same pull.

liliana begs imogen not say that they may have to kill each other. she breaks at hearing imogen's resolve. but there's kids, imogen. there's kids here. imogen. she can't leave. she's a mom.

and, here's the thing: imogen's her daughter. the daughter liliana left. or tried to leave. the daughter she only had through dreams. and imogen is working with the volition. and imogen has been her sole drive for 25+ years.

and imogen might have just been involved in shattering the little solace she might have ever had.

and, here's the thing: imogen would've stopped them.

#DOES.THIS MAKE SENSE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND. I AM RUNNING ON THREE HOURS OF SLEEP AND AM HALLUCINATING I THINK #imogen temult #Liliana temult #laudna cr #critical role #cr spoilers #'did she know!?' well! yes but no! #god liliana. you awful hypocritical woman. PLEASE let me kiss you on the mouth #I do fear my writing which is meant to be more Perspective Driven will sound defensive rather than deeply interested but. alas #the anger in liliana just threw me back to imogen's post gnarlrock and I was like OHO. OH. INCH RESTING #I love when women are not great and bad #that being said. I do feel some of you are forgetting that liliana didn't like. steal kids from their families lol #she's a sympathetic villain! she's a tragedy! #anyway it is just far more compelling to me that she is lost in the sauce but ultimately we'll intentioned than just like. an idiot. #as some seem to think #ANYWAY. again. I just love women. and liliana is a woman and also a loser. what am I to do

[yardsards]

also. amber gris as a character is really important to me as an appalachian.

not just her accent or the specific type of person justin based her off of but like

the feeling of losing someone to addiction/overdose while the government does nothing to help, just criminalizes and stigmatizes and makes things worse. which obviously happens in more places than just around here, but we have one of the highest rates of overdose death in the whole country and that whole set of scenes felt like they were really informed by growing up around that

#eliot posts #taz #taz ethersea #the adventure zone #amber gris #drugs cw #death mention #i've made posts like this and deleted them cuz i never feel like i'm wording it just right but just. god. #i'm lucky enough to have never been addicted or to have a best friend or immediate family member die from it #but i've lost or nearly lost extended family to it #and it's like. #my own accent isn't that thick and neither is my immediate family's or best friends' #but i've known ppl who talked like her. #specifically a man named larry who lived with us when we were real young #for some reason especially the way amber says ''come on'' just always reminds me so strongly of larry's voice. he said that phrase a lot #he was the one who taught me to tie my shoes even after my parents lost patience with me for being 'too old' to not understand #he drank excessively like my dad did but he never got mean with us kids #he came and went a few times over the years. the final time he left was when i was in late elementary #he died of an overdose when i was in high school. i didn't feel much of anything at the time. #it had been so long since i'd seen him but also i was at a point in my life where i'd've been numb to big emotions like that anyway #so my parents got drunk about it and i did nothing. just went to school and shit as usual. #i did not expect those feelings to get dredged up by a goddamned comedy dnd podcast #but they did it well i think #even though i had to pause it to take a breather multiple times. i enjoyed it overall. cathartic i guess?

[amaraudermind]

Shazam: Fury of the Gods is obviously about Billy and his journey as a hero and he's the main character or whatever but more importantly the movie is 100% centered around Freddy.

It's about Freddy's self-worth and struggles with being a hero and with how Billy acts about the hero thing(because neither of them understand the underlying reasons that they make the decisions they do) and it's about how unbelievably strong Freddy is and how he doesn't think he is strong even while he is doing things no one else can.

Freddy is constantly doing things that should not be possible for a person to do and he does them anyway but he doesn't think it's enough. It's not fixing everything so it's not enough and all he can focus on is what he can't do.

Even the final act which is very very centered on Billy is about how Freddy can't do anything about this whole situation. Where he is actively pulling off incredible feats but he isn't saving anyone so what good is this.

In conclusion: I am very normal about this movie

#shazam spoilers #shazam: fury of the gods #billy batson #freddy freeman #just freddy is the sole reason that anthea is on their side but he doesn't have his powers so who cares. #freddy can fight kalypso's chaos magic--truly FIGHT it--but he's just kid playing hero to pretend he's not broken to himself. #he powers through the paralyzing fesr effect of atlas' dragon but that hasn't saved the day so it doesn't matter. #time and again the movie shows you. over and over and over. freddy is so fucking powerful. but he can't see it. #he can only see where he fails. it's his fault they're in this mess because he let's himself get captured. #it's his fault ann lost her powers because she was trying to protect him. it's his fault billy dies because he couldn't save him #all he sees are failures. but all he talks about as 'captain everypower' is his success. because as a hero he can focus on the wins #he can feel powerful because he has powers. as soon as he loses them he feels like none of what he can do matters. #he doesn't have powers. so what's the point. #hhhhh i love him so much so so so much #this is such a good movie and everyone should see it

[todayisafridaynight]

one day ill stop treating aoki like he was a guy i personally knew that died but todays not that day

#snap chats #if aoki WAS an actual guy i wouldve clicked my heels at his death but no he's a funny fictional guy so im allowed to be dramatic #feels like the first week after i saw aoki die in y7 like Man.. except now there's rage .... ok even more rage who am i kidding-- #IW just reopened the wounds i think JVLAKVJEALKV #reopened the wounds and put vinegar and salt in them but anyway. before i start that rant again. #when is ebay gonna start selling the funeral merch no one knows how bad i need the aoki one at this point #i was watching a y7 randomizer and </3 i started cackling cause aoki behaves the same #I.E. he has to be the last enemy standing before the fight ends AND he still summons enemies #so im just watching this poor guy realize this and then become horrified as aoki summons Another Aoki #and THAT ONE starts summoning more units and 💀 STOP HIM #then yk the stream ended but it was still playing the last bits of aoki's theme and. :miku: #god his boss theme is still so good i could cry thinking of it ..... his and tendos are such phenomenal tracks to end the game with #aoki you still suck but i didnt cherish you enough somehow im not sorry and you deserve to be dead but i also miss you #i should replay y7 .... sorry im mental... #liking aoki while knowing he sucks is so fun because i flip flop with saying i love him but also stressing he sucks #i need everyone to know he's not likable and shouldn't be liked but i had a tohru adachi phase in high school so im already a lost cause #ok bye im gonna drink a pot of tea and question where i went wrong as an individual

[bylertruther]

do you ever think about the fact that throughout the entirety of stranger things we’ve always seen mike practically shout his love for will from the rooftops by throwing his everything into believing, protecting, and helping will no matter the stakes, and how a majority of byler moments are initiated by him, and how will has always loved him back quietly despite being the one canonically confirmed to be in love, and how will is almost always on the viewer’s right in iconic byler moments but in season four we find him on the left in what used to be mike’s spot because their “roles” have switched AND when we’re taken out of the viewer’s pov and put in jonathan’s pov we see jonathan Come To A Realization here because while mike has always made it clear how special will is to him and how different their relationship is, will has always managed to keep the true depth of his feelings a little closer to his chest and it’s only when he publicly takes up that support role that mike has played for him previously that the audience is purposely made to realize, too, how romantic it truly is, because coming from mike everyone might have thought it was his usual overzealous theatrics but when the same tenderness and earnest love comes from will they realize oh. this is... this is actually something more. this is how they are this is mike and will like nothing has changed and no time has passed but it’s now that we realize just what it is, and now that will is starting to slowly but surely come out from this curtain he’s hid behind his whole life and voice that yes he loves mike of course he does he’s always loved him and loves him in precisely the way that mike expresses he needs to be loved there is simply NO conceivable way that they can come out of this hellish slow burn miscommunication trope not in full acknowledgement and eager acceptance of this love they have for each other and have always had and always will !!!!!!!!

#byler #like. do i make sense. am i making sense. #tagging my posts is so scary now tht there's 92380923028020 of us bt. i can be brave ig .. [trembling in my boots] [sweating shaking crying] #s1-2 was mike loving will more than anyone and not being afraid to show it and s3 was him thinking he had to grow up n out of tht love #bc clearly it's just a kid thing and they'll get over it if they just get girlfriends #and it ended with him having his italicized 'oh.' moment as the byers drove away #and s4 was mike thinking he had lost will for good that time only for will to show him that he's wrong he never lost him and he won't #s4 was about will showing mike that he's always loved him back s4 was abt will showing mike what it means to be in love with someone #s4 was abt will showing him tht he's just as lost without him as mike is without him and tht he doesn't need to be normal or cool #he's absolutely perfect just the way he is and he's loved and needed for who he is not all that he can or can't do #s4 was mike stumbling and will catching him and carrying him the same way that mike carried him in s2 #and s5 will be about them supporting each other and living their complete and total truths now that they see there's no reason to hide #and then in s5 we will finally find our way out of this god awful miscommunication trope</3 #they're a team they're best friends mike needs will and mike is will's heart mike makes will feel better for being different and will shows #mike that he doesn't need to conform and be 'normal' to be worthy of love that he has no obligations to others that everything he is is what #encourages those around him to fight the good fight #and that support and love and the way that they'll come to see each other wholly and truly is what will defeat all evil <3 #it's all coming full circle is wht im saying !!!!! #mine #also when i say audience and we i mean the general audience bc i kno my brothers in byler Understand n Watch The Show With Their Eyes #<3 #also no i will not structure my posts in a way tht makes sense u will read my uninterrupted stream of consciousness and WEEP

[scranbatteries]

my front bottoms cds came, infinity on high is 17 today*, good kid announced a new single, bad day for anyone who has to deal with me

*when i wrote this people in other time zones were saying it was the day but it came out on the 6th which is actually not the 5th Oops

#one of the tfb cds is self titled i have been desperate for self titled like foaming at the mouth like oh my god #and also going grey which like underrated as hell love that album #and then infinity on high is old ??? whats it done that for #good kid announcing a new single this soon after bubbly gk4 seems like its gonna come Fast and that scares me #i put a guitar pick in my phone case in front of the camera to see if it looked funny if i took a picture (it didnt) #and now when i hold my phone it feels uncomfortable #ALSO new ts album ??? #tortured poets ?? you know who else is a tortured poet ?? #PETE WENTZ happy ioh 17th #i think i stole the pete wentz thing from someone on twitter very sorry to someone on twitter #i could write in these tags for weeks and NOBODY could stop me #speaking of weeks do you know who else is a tortured poet #DALLON FUCKING WEEKES love that man #did you know . gloom division this month ????????????????? #i think #i am going to listen to csh now cos in the middle of maths earlier i got lost because my teacher made a train station analogy #and it reminded me of csh #and also i had the bit of beach life in death where its all 'the ocean washed over/open your grave' in my head just now #i have been called a furry by my friends on several occasions and i dont think this is helping much Oops #but have you LISTENED to csh damnn #OH YEAH yesterday i got a screw stuck in some lego cos i was like “hm wonder if the screw would fit in the lego” and it fit PERFECT #but its fine cos like i wasnt planning to use that lego brick anyway #or the screw #which i didnt even buy #i Kinda Accidentally Stole it #except someone pinned it on my hoodie one time #cos it was in a crocodile clip #i stole the crocodile clip on accident basically and theres a screw in the crocodile clip sometimes for SOME REASON #i dont know what its meant to do #sorry if you read all this lol i think theres a limit to how many tags you can have cos it cut off everything after.ran out of things anywa

[stupidscav]

im actually just done at this point if I break down crying at school today we all know who's fault that is

mine AND my math teacher's

#WHY DO I DO THIS #jesus fucking christ #i complain so much but i dont do shit i hate myself #its not like i can switch classes just before the test #if she ever fucking talks to me i want to punch her so bad i swear to god she makes me feel stupid #and i guess i am because i just cant fucking do this im done #im probably being overdramatic and ill hate myself later but #im going to fucking die before i finish schooling (im almost serious) #i guess thats what they mean by gifted kid burnout #i lost my fucking ref marker so i cant just. draw on myself #im not gonna keep talking actually. #scav feels shitty #vent #implied self harm #implied suicide #im sure ill ve fine i guess #but just in case. ill tag those

[scaryhaven]

I'm still heartbroken, that's not gonna change because this never should have happened, but no, now I'm really fucking angry too, WHEN WILL THERE BE REPERCUSSIONS???

#if youve ever seen a kdrama about how bad their media/police/bullying is it seems an exaggeration but its really not sometimes #its a particular type of sickness. i feel like the bullying isnt as bad now maybe because of certain changes made but the media/police esp #are DISGUSTING and im ok with saying it because they really dont care about humanity at all as theyve shown time & time again #i just keep thinking about his family its so upsetting. his kids lost a father for gods sake #lee sun kyun

[inutaffy]

i almost passed out at school again guys

#this time tho was worse #didnt loose my hearing i lost my vision a lil bit still #i had a cough this morning probably from my germ infested sister and i thought i was fine so i was going to the bus stop and HEAVING my #lungs hurt when i was breathing it was prickly #GOT ON THE BUS AND EVERYTHING WAS DOWN HILL FROM THERE FUCKING GOD #dude #head hurt stomach rolling cramps the astute need to throw up #i was fighting that for a whole 20 minutes #i get motion sickness but not unless im reading something and I WASNY and yet #i was GRIPPING THE SEAT #put my head down and closed my eyes on the seat in front of me and PRAYED #at the end of the bus ride everything was heavy #the blood drained from my face i could feel it i had to bite my lip to make sure i still had feeling in my face bro #lung thing might be my asthma spiking i had it as a kid so idk #anyway ans then my back was killing me #got off the bus #could barely put one foot in front of the other #body aches i was HOT IT WAS LIKE 40 DEGREES AND I TOOK MY JACKET OFF. I REPEAT I TOOK MY JACKET OFFFFF #i got into the school adn these 2 people were standing there by the steps to check IDs and i looked at those steps with a PLANNN . to sit #i tried to sit down but one of em noticed how pale and not good i looked #led me to the nurses #called my mom 3x before she picked up #she couldnt get me til like an hour and some later #i was just writhing on the bed #dying #it got a little better and i switched suddenly from hot to COLD #and im on my period so thats a factor i guess but its not a regular hot flash it was BURNING #anyway she picked me up and i groggily got up #passed my friend in the hall and she widened her eyes at me and i pointed at my mom ahead of me and she said bye #one person knows im out sick but we aint got no classes together today

[leefi]

growing up by chicago has spoiled me rotten. i visit any other major metropolitan city and my reaction is always …oh! is that it?

#the only other metropolis that’s ever truly impressed me was tokyo. good god i LOVED tokyo #though ​to clarify I’m talking specifically about metropolises (and what makes a metropolis good) here #there are tons of cities I’ve been to that are incredibly impressive by other metrics #(Istanbul’s unique location; Florence’s historical architecture; Seville’s food; etc.) #but Chicago is just a truly good CITY. perfect size diverse walkable on a waterfront gorgeous architecture nice people. i love it sm #London really impressed me as a teenager but lost the allure as I grew up (a lot of my moms family relocated there so I went often) #woof #anyway I’m in LA for the first time right now and tell me why it’s like 30 different suburbs shoved together #it’s only my second day so I’m not hardcore judging yet!! gonna let an opinion develop. I get the feeling #there’s tons of good culture here but it’s fragmented and you need to go looking for it #also the wealth inequality is horrifying. they weren’t kidding #it’s SO EXPENSIVE EVERYWHERE #some family friends took us out walking to santa monica pier last night and they had to take a break like 20 minutes into the walk #because they fucking drive everywhere!!! #anyways. i feel like i need to give nyc another chance too but i don't know when i'll get to go #anyways again. chicago sweep. best city in da world.

[digirainebow]

i didn't think jacob would be arguing with olivia, wanting it almost as much as her. what the hell. i expected the self defeated, taking one for the team attitude but actively needing it like her? when he had been trying to stop her all night? i feel like i've been blasted by a buckshot

#digi discusses #the world needs more jacobs and i just took him out of it #did he go back to being a kid again? to see the lights of possibility again? #to feel like he's doing something exciting and worthwhile again not by making art but by being “freed” by maggie's knowledge once more? #or did he. choose another timeline entirely? augh i'm gonna have to watch the ending back again...where did he go... #maggie would be turning in her graaaaaave to know he chose this. she would hate that for him she would h a t e it #the anna parallels. stuck between time only able to hear him on radios if you are lucky. fuck off #becoming an urban legend...i think he would have liked that. immortalized just like he wanted. ugh wait did riley do that for him #but the details getting lost his name becoming warped over time? i think riley (and i) would feel it was almost disrespectful to his memory #the fact he puts meeting riley on the same pedestal as saving camena. god god god god. even when they aren't friends they are. #riley talking to athena like a person like he did. i am MISERABLE #its the dys exocolonist thing all over again. he's happy and that's...good. but he could have been just as happy if he'd stayed too #every single time i think about the hug i'm going to cry #every single ending has done this to me there is literally no winning #being kinda mean to him was bad enough but this ending just feels! it feels like riley. like i. drove him to. #girl i need to log off bye #oxenfree II spoilers #yeah there's the essay. just took a minute #i will make another one about hurt healed olivia in a bit too because that. made me sob. that one hit really...close to home #he says when he was a teenager he would have fallen for it if someone told him he could open a portal in the sky and make things better #what a liar he would still do it now #EDIT: NO i knew it he says almost exactly what nona says after you hug her when you hug him. the orange-associated characters strike again

[elegyofthemoon]

people on my twt feed kept comparing pandora hearts and dgrayman and bc my 11 year old self was so obsessed w dgm i decided to pick it up again and 😭 i see why i was obsessed lmao

#the anime makes me kinda nostalgic but i cant stomach it bc ep 50 or so was a bunch of fillers that werent in the manga #hhfjfj ik i was super mad about it when i was watching that i stopped watching #but anyways! #i finished vol 2 for dgm and im sobbing my eyes out what the fuck... #NO AND IK IT GETS WORSE IM NOT READY ..... #like i had this feeling id like allen anyways bc he was my fave when i was little the same way i was attached to oz as a kid JGHFJFJ #BUT NOW THAT I UNDERSTAND IM LIKE....OH.....OH NO #anyways like. allen and yuu having a conversation about self sacrifice and i was like 'ah....oz and elliot convo retrace 26 nodnod' #but the difference is that like. oz was afraid of losing everything so if it meant sacrificing himself he didnt mind so long as someone #stays... #meanwhile allen says that hes lost everything so he has nothing else to lose #allen had such a kind heart also bc of how much he has lost and him tending to guzol and lala made me uglycry like i was 11 again OK.... #also yuu saying 'exorcists are destroyers' but allen acknowledging it but wanting to use that power to protect I WILL DIE ACTUALLY LMAO #NO THE NEXT VOLUME IS GONNA SLAP ME SO HARD DUDE CANNOT WAIT.... #miranda and krory!!!!!!! big excited!!! #or i think krory is vol 4... OH MY GOD LAVIIIIIIIII 💞💞💞💞💞💞 #ok thats all i wanna say jenfjdjf #like allens so optimistic but its the kind thats formed by going through The Worst and that makes me sob #dudes only 14 and going through it #jshdjjd that would also check out for why 11 year old me was obsessed w him. ok #snow speaks #i dont have the next volume on me.... makes me sad.... #snow reads dgm

[solcarow]

.

#. hm.. thinking about la chopper ……. mayb he shud look like a capybara #fucked up deer looking human thing whatever creature #solar-talks #i was talking abt this w my sister but like i think it was a really fun choice not to disclose how kuina died in la #like when i first watched his backstory in la i really thought he was going on some revenge quest or something #so watching ep19 was really fucked up actually i remember being real iffy about it but god the Layers #zoro’s thing with fate and not really luck but his acceptance of wtvr outcome he gets is doing some cocomelon shit tio my brain #itd b so neat if they revealed her death in loguetown like Come On having it right beside the kitetsu scene would b such a smart choice #WITH TASHIGI god i hope they give tashigi a little more something #ok now im thinking abt the la changes … #what iv noticed is how they seemed to isolate the eastblue kids from their islands a little more .. not exactly a flaw tho #zoros basically the same but usopp didnt have his oh my god i just realised usopp didnt have his babyguy gang oh my godddd THAT was what was #missing my whole train of thoughts derailed NOOO USOPPS BABYSITTER CHARACTER TRAIT …….i get it they couldnt fit the vegetable kids bc #of the tone but waugh…. primarily hanging out w a bunch of 8yos says so much abt him………. it was cute #anyways back to it yeah they didnt syrup village noticing his absence and the rest of baraties connection w 3ji which honestly i dont #really mind either i think the only ): to me was how they did cocoyashi #lost a bit of it’s depth my making them hostile to nami tbh #its a good thing i watched the anime After la bc i feel like i wouldve been way sadder abt that decision #these arent real complaints btw the la did a reaaallyy great job #if they didnt i really wouldnt be here thinking about this show . in depth . god how did it come to this SKFHDJFJSHF #anywho . they missed some bits of course but oughhh they did baratie really good .. #ill b honest zeff n 3jis backstory is seriously my favorite thing about the la #some ​absolutely breathtaking execution it really Got Me .. #the all blue speech …. taz skylr yuoure line delivery skills are insane #whats rlly crazy is how when u take away 3ji’s 1 flaw hes fucking unstoppable . why r u favorite character material . explode forever #head in hands its the themes of hunger .. hate it here so bad ….. #ack he grows on u like mold . it was the stupid curry filler episode that got me i rewatched a while ago goddd hes so annoyinggggggg #the curry filler ep was cute . i liked it . <- mad about it #ugh spent 2 hrs writing these tags i dont wanna do my psychology essay .. nico robin save me ……. save me nico robin ……………..

[proto-language]

hrngnfghnfg

#just thinking aloud but #i dunno. kind of feel like the last Barrier between me and Normal Personness or whatever #is just. i feel so completely and utterly unable to feel empathy specifically with regards to children and childbearing and childrearing. #like. i have known ever since i was small that my parents lost other pregnancies before me and between me and my sister. and all i could #feel about that as a kid was 'thank god because i never wanted a sibling anyway' and 'uh well i never asked to be born soooo... so what' #and now as an adult. i know that it's a terrible thing to suffer a loss like that. #and i'd at least manage not to act inappropriately towards someone i knew if they were in that position. #but i still can't find any of the *feelings* about it. #which is strange because i usually feel Everything So Much. #i also still don't understand when people talk about like. instantly falling in love with their kid or whatever #like maybe i almost get it if it's a child you've gestated for nine months and then given birth to. #but i feel like people *must* be at least partially lying about it when it comes to things like adoption #because there'd be such a high psychological and social penalty to admitting that you felt anything less. #adoption in general drives me crazy like i cannot Believe that it's still just a really accepted alternative to having a biological child #when... any kid who has had to be removed from the circumstances into which they were born and given to new people #is surely going to be traumatised or have issues or however you want to put it. #and it can't possibly be the Same Thing as having a... fresh baby of your own. #anyway. i feel some sympathy for and plenty of logical understanding of children and parents. #but none of it makes sense to me on the level on which i usually connect with people. #and hell maybe everyone feels that way until they have a kid. in which case i think everyone #is wildly irresponsible for having those kids without knowing they're gonna like it or be good at it and hoping it'll just work out. lmao